1. Okay, keep coming.Copy !req
2. Looking good.Copy !req
3. Keep coming.Copy !req
4. - Can I just take it off?
- No.Copy !req
5. Shut up. Keep coming.Copy !req
6. Really not liking this.Copy !req
7. Well, but once you see
the surprise— keep coming—Copy !req
8. you're gonna forget all about
being mad about the map.Copy !req
9. That's what I'm saying: if the
goal here is to un-piss me off—Copy !req
10. - Ow! What the...?Copy !req
11. - Sorry. "Go left"?
- Goddamn it.Copy !req
12. Wait, hang on. Wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
13. Wha...? What the...?Copy !req
14. Ta-da!Copy !req
15. What the actual goddamn shit?Copy !req
16. Yeah, right? At first,
I was like, "Pff,"Copy !req
17. but then I was like "Eh."Copy !req
18. - What'd you...
What have you done?
- Well, I usedCopy !req
19. all the ribs— they were
in pretty good shape—Copy !req
20. the spans are the toughest
bamboo I could find.Copy !req
21. - I helped.
- Shut up. Then, I covered 'emCopy !req
22. with canvas sails and doped
the whole thing up tighterCopy !req
23. than Dick's hatband.Copy !req
24. - Hey, whoa.
- Dick's hatband?Copy !req
25. - Dick's hatband?
- Yeah. I don't know.Copy !req
26. - People say that.
- Right?Copy !req
27. You big dumb ox, you ruined her.Copy !req
28. But-but I thought
you'd be happy.Copy !req
29. Happy?Copy !req
30. You thought I'd be happy?Copy !req
31. - I ought to...Copy !req
32. What the...?Copy !req
33. Come on, come on, come on.Copy !req
34. Where are you?Copy !req
35. Come on. Come on. Come on.Copy !req
36. Come on, baby.
Come on. You can do it.Copy !req
37. Don't let him in the slot.Copy !req
38. Come on, you fat Russian pig.Copy !req
39. Goddamn it.Copy !req
40. Mmm.Copy !req
41. Son of a— no.Copy !req
42. No!Copy !req
43. No, no, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
44. Damn it. Goddamn it.Copy !req
45. Eat a dick!Copy !req
46. Wh— was— what was...Copy !req
47. Was it...
Archer? Hey.Copy !req
48. - Hey.
- Huh?Copy !req
49. Where'd you go, buddy?Copy !req
50. Spain.Copy !req
51. Oh, man.Copy !req
52. Is Spain not the best?Copy !req
53. Come on, tapas?Copy !req
54. Archer?Copy !req
55. Archer. Hey. Come on.Copy !req
56. Come on. Come on.Copy !req
57. Snap out of it, bub.Copy !req
58. 'Cause, uh, we got company.Copy !req
59. Huh? Wh-What? Wait.
Where am I?Copy !req
60. Right here with me and Crackers.Copy !req
61. - Ugh.
- Hey.Copy !req
62. Question is, where were you?Copy !req
63. Pam, it was the damndest thing.Copy !req
64. All of a sudden,
I was back in SpainCopy !req
65. getting shot down
by that son of a bitch Ziegler.Copy !req
66. - Yeah, so...Copy !req
67. - Which time?
What the hell?Copy !req
68. Yeah, so, funny story.
- Ziegler?Copy !req
69. Hello, Archer. You're
flying a garbage truck now?Copy !req
70. No. I— wait.
How are you here?Copy !req
71. It is an incredible
coincidence, yeah?Copy !req
72. Literally, incredible.Copy !req
73. So does this place have a bar?Copy !req
74. I owe you a drink;
you have made me famous.Copy !req
75. Yeah.Copy !req
76. This means "the reverse ace."Copy !req
77. Because in Spain,
I shot him down five times.Copy !req
78. - We know.
- Plus, not to mention his eye.Copy !req
79. - Then why did you?
I don't know.Copy !req
80. - And why the hell are you here?
- Well, I...Copy !req
81. I don't see how that
concerns you, Hauptmann Ziegler.Copy !req
82. Oh, so, hey, Archer, please,
let me buy you that drink, huh?Copy !req
83. Come find me later.Copy !req
84. Oh, don't worry.
I'll find you.Copy !req
85. Well,
that would be a first.Copy !req
86. Man, so the guyCopy !req
87. who shot you down
all those times—Copy !req
88. shot your eyeball out—
he shows upCopy !req
89. on the same teeny, tiny island
halfway around the world?Copy !req
90. I mean, what are the odds?Copy !req
91. - Literally, zero.
- Shut up, bird.Copy !req
92. Eh.Copy !req
93. - So, you okay?
- Hmm?Copy !req
94. Oh, yeah.
No, I'm fine.Copy !req
95. I'm good. I'm totally good.
I'm, uh...Copy !req
96. Damn it!Copy !req
97. No. I am good.
I'm great.Copy !req
98. 'Cause I'm gonna kill him.Copy !req
99. All right, missy.Copy !req
100. We need to have a little talk.Copy !req
101. Now I don't know
what you studiedCopy !req
102. at whatever fancy-pants
finishing school you went to.Copy !req
103. - Finch.
- What?Copy !req
104. I went to Finch?Copy !req
105. No one cares, but can I assumeCopy !req
106. they didn't teach you
business management?Copy !req
107. - I don't know.
- Well, now you are a business,Copy !req
108. in which I've made
a major investment.Copy !req
109. What?
Bear claws and brandy?Copy !req
110. And a roof over your head.Copy !req
111. And so far, you're notCopy !req
112. - making me any money.
- Well, how can I?Copy !req
113. Look at this place. There's
hardly ever anybody in here.Copy !req
114. Well, what about him?Copy !req
115. Did you ask him about a date?Copy !req
116. - I asked them both.
- Seriously?Copy !req
117. Ugh. I'll try again after
they finish that sherry.Copy !req
118. I-I... I think
she was on the fence.Copy !req
119. Wait. What about him?Copy !req
120. Oh, no.Copy !req
121. He is strictly off-limits.Copy !req
122. - And if I catch you
sniffing around...Copy !req
123. What in the...?Copy !req
124. - Uh, parlez-vouz francaise?
- English.Copy !req
125. Good. Better.
11 liters of beer, please.Copy !req
126. Uh, the first round is on me.Copy !req
127. And then they pay
for themselves!Copy !req
128. Oh, do not listen to them.Copy !req
129. Their pockets are stuffed
with back pay.Copy !req
130. And they have not seen
a woman in months. Oof.Copy !req
131. Here. Take this down
to the shop, and tell Mr. WongCopy !req
132. you want the biggest jar
of coconut butter he's got.Copy !req
133. Why?Copy !req
134. Trust me.Copy !req
135. Base a Rojo Tres.Copy !req
136. Rojo Tres responde.Copy !req
137. - Rojo Tres.Copy !req
138. Rojo Tres.Copy !req
139. God— Archer?Copy !req
140. What?Copy !req
141. You're Rojo Tres.Copy !req
142. I thought I was Red Thr— Oh.Copy !req
143. Jesus Christ.
- Shut up, bird.Copy !req
144. No, you shut up.Copy !req
145. And keep an eye peeled for that son of a bitch Ziegler.Copy !req
146. Yeah.
- Wha...?Copy !req
147. He could be anywhere.Copy !req
148. Goddamn it, Ziegler. You...Copy !req
149. Adios, desayuno.Copy !req
150. Ziegler!Copy !req
151. Oh.Copy !req
152. Ziegler.Copy !req
153. It means "the brick maker."Copy !req
154. Ziegler. This is a family name
in GermanCopy !req
155. for someone who makes bricks.Copy !req
156. Mm-hmm.
But in this case,Copy !req
157. it has also another meaningCopy !req
158. because he turns enemy
war planes into bricks.Copy !req
159. Yeah. Other languages
have puns, too.Copy !req
160. But not as powerful
as German puns.Copy !req
161. - Shh.
- And so, with ZieglerCopy !req
162. and the other pilots providingCopy !req
163. close air support
to the new soldiers,Copy !req
164. nothing— not cannibals,Copy !req
165. not those verdammtlizards
can stop usCopy !req
166. from finding the idol!Copy !req
167. Keep your voice down.Copy !req
168. If my father hears you,
he'll cut your balls off.Copy !req
169. Yeah. Right.Copy !req
170. Like your bodyguards, huh?Copy !req
171. - No.
- Oh.Copy !req
172. But until then,
get back in hereCopy !req
173. and bring me some more...Copy !req
174. Wiener schnitzel.Copy !req
175. I, uh, still need
a bit more time.Copy !req
176. Still? Ugh,
what is taking so long?Copy !req
177. I must, uh,
replenish my lebenskraft.Copy !req
178. Still, though.
Wait a minute.Copy !req
179. You're not seeing someone else,
are you?Copy !req
180. Don't be foolish.
Besides,Copy !req
181. what other women even live
on this gottverlasseneisland?Copy !req
182. What is the meaning of this?Copy !req
183. The best I can tell—
it's about an IrishmanCopy !req
184. - learning about cunnilingus.
- Quoi?Copy !req
185. Oh, sorry.
That's when...Copy !req
186. - I know what it means!
- Really?Copy !req
187. I mean, these German soldiers—Copy !req
188. they have invaded
French territoire.Copy !req
189. And my heart...
if I'm being honest.Copy !req
190. What?Copy !req
191. If these big lugs
gamble and screwCopy !req
192. as much as they drink,
I could retire.Copy !req
193. Well, you may be
for sale, madame,Copy !req
194. but the honor of France is not.Copy !req
195. I shall place them all
under arrest.Copy !req
196. Viens, Doudou!Copy !req
197. Well, bonne chancewith that.Copy !req
198. Ah!Copy !req
199. Silence!
Who is in charge here?Copy !req
200. I think I am.
Hauptmann Ziegler.Copy !req
201. This island is French territory.Copy !req
202. You and your men
are here illegally.Copy !req
203. Oh, but we are just here
as tourists.Copy !req
204. Well, then I hope
you enjoy the tour of my jail,Copy !req
205. because you are all
under arrest.Copy !req
206. - What?
- No!Copy !req
207. Come on. We are just
some cool guys on leave,Copy !req
208. and since France is so far away,
and you are so outnumbered,Copy !req
209. can't you also just be
a cool guy?Copy !req
210. - No.
- Fair enough.Copy !req
211. Tipperary.Copy !req
212. It's a long way
to the goddamn groundCopy !req
213. in a tired-ass Russian biplaneCopy !req
214. when you lousy krauts
are ripping aroundCopy !req
215. in your brand-new
goddamn Messerschmitts.Copy !req
216. Okay, Archer,Copy !req
217. keep an eye
on your six this time.Copy !req
218. Don't worry about me, Pam.
Today's the day.Copy !req
219. I can feel it. I'm gonna...Copy !req
220. - Ziegler!Copy !req
221. Oh.Copy !req
222. Oh. So now we're just camping?Copy !req
223. Higher top speed,
higher ceiling,Copy !req
224. tighter turn,
better rate of climb.Copy !req
225. So, big whoop.
You got a couple of kills.Copy !req
226. It's easy
when you sneak up on people!Copy !req
227. So again, and I really
can't stress this enough...Copy !req
228. Don't worry about my six, Pam.Copy !req
229. Nobody's gonna
sneak up on me now.Copy !req
230. - Oh...Copy !req
231. Wait. Hang on.Copy !req
232. Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no.Copy !req
233. Ziegler!Copy !req
234. So drink up,
Ziegler, you rat dick,Copy !req
235. because your night cap
is gonna be...Copy !req
236. bullets.Copy !req
237. First thing,
I'm gonna shoot your eye out.Copy !req
238. And then, your dick off.Copy !req
239. And then...Copy !req
240. What the...?Copy !req
241. - What are you doing?
- What does it look like?Copy !req
242. Uh... a hermit crab?Copy !req
243. Idiot! Get me out of here!Copy !req
244. - I'm busy!
- Wha...?Copy !req
245. What the...?Copy !req
246. - Oh, shoot!
- Aw, man!Copy !req
247. What the hell are you doing?Copy !req
248. Well, we know you're sad,
so we're gonna surprise youCopy !req
249. - with a kringle.
- A what?Copy !req
250. - Kringle.
- Kringle.Copy !req
251. - State pastry of Wisconsin?
- Wisconsin has a state pastry?Copy !req
252. - Kringle.
- Kringle.Copy !req
253. Stop staying "kringle"!Copy !req
254. Okay. Geez.Copy !req
255. But... what are you doing
with your gun there?Copy !req
256. I'm gonna go in there...Copy !req
257. Actually, no. Wait.Copy !req
258. You'regonna go in there,Copy !req
259. and lure Ziegler in here.
That's better.Copy !req
260. And I'm gonna hide
in the pantry,Copy !req
261. and then I'm gonna bust out
and shoot his eye out.Copy !req
262. And then, his dick off.Copy !req
263. And then... his brains.Copy !req
264. - What?
- Yeah, you don't want
to do that.Copy !req
265. Yes, I do, Pam!
An eye for an eye.Copy !req
266. That's right
in the goddamn Bible.Copy !req
267. Yeah, but, come on.
That was a fair fight.Copy !req
268. It wasn't fair!
I was in a biplane.Copy !req
269. He was in a brand-new
goddamn 109!Copy !req
270. - Still, though.
- Yeah, but you don't want
to kill him like this.Copy !req
271. - It's... it's chickenshit.Copy !req
272. You're right.Copy !req
273. Goddamn it, you're right!Copy !req
274. And so... I'm sorry for this.Copy !req
275. Sorry for— oh!Copy !req
276. - Oh, what the shit, man?Copy !req
277. - Shut up, bird.Copy !req
278. Hey!Copy !req
279. Hey, wake up!
Come on. Rise and shine, Fritz.Copy !req
280. Jesus, what?Copy !req
281. - What?
- Easy, easy.Copy !req
282. I'm supposed to give you this.Copy !req
283. How is this bird talking?Copy !req
284. Right?Copy !req
285. Oh. Scheisse!Copy !req
286. - Nein! Nein!Copy !req
287. Nein! Nein! Nein!Copy !req
288. Schnell!Copy !req
289. So, hey...Copy !req
290. What would a gal
have to do to...?Copy !req
291. - Jesus, rude much?Copy !req
292. I was gonna ask
how to get a ride out of hereCopy !req
293. on one of their planes.Copy !req
294. Yeah, I wouldn't hold my breath.Copy !req
295. Yeah, well,
I wouldn't be a talking bird.Copy !req
296. Hey...Copy !req
297. There's a...Copy !req
298. Was a... Where the...? Oh!Copy !req
299. What the shit?Copy !req
300. Hey, sleepyhead.Copy !req
301. - Glad you could join us.
- Why the hell am I in a...?Copy !req
302. Ow! Christ on a bike.
My head kills.Copy !req
303. Yeah, mine did, too,
to be honest.Copy !req
304. Little hairy dog?Copy !req
305. No, I... Wait a minute.
You hit me!Copy !req
306. I lightly tapped you.Copy !req
307. You piece of shit,
you hit me!Copy !req
308. - Only because you were right.
- What?Copy !req
309. I was gonna shoot Ziegler.
You may not remember this,Copy !req
310. 'cause you have a concussion,Copy !req
311. but I was gonna shoot Ziegler,
but you told meCopy !req
312. that was chickenshit, and so,Copy !req
313. now we're gonna settle it
up here in a dogfightCopy !req
314. in evenly matched planes,
man-to-man.Copy !req
315. - And woman!
- Well,Copy !req
316. yeah, I needed
a tail gunner, so...Copy !req
317. - Goddamn it!
- And so now's probablyCopy !req
318. a good time to familiarize
yourself with said gun.Copy !req
319. Goddamn it!Copy !req
320. 'Cause if Crackers did
what I told him to,Copy !req
321. - it won't be long before...
Archer?Copy !req
322. Speak of the teufel...Copy !req
323. Come on up, Ziegler. See what
it's like to fight somebodyCopy !req
324. - fair and square...Copy !req
325. - Aah!
- Say your prayers, Archer.Copy !req
326. This time I will put you down
once and for all.Copy !req
327. Pam, get your head
out of your ass!Copy !req
328. - Me?
- Your one jobCopy !req
329. is to shoot things
coming at us from be...Copy !req
330. - Oh, shit!Copy !req
331. Son of a...Copy !req
332. What was that?Copy !req
333. Nothing.Copy !req
334. I assume this was Sterling?Copy !req
335. - Yup, yup, yup.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
336. - Putamierda!
- Goddamn it!Copy !req
337. It doesn't matterCopy !req
338. what you fly, Archer.Copy !req
339. I will always beat you.Copy !req
340. Oh, you couldn't beat...Copy !req
341. Hang on.
I had something for the...Copy !req
342. - You want to save the quips?
- It was pretty good.Copy !req
343. - Oh, wait. So's that.Copy !req
344. How you like that, Ziegler?Copy !req
345. Who taught you how to shoot?Copy !req
346. - Your husband?Copy !req
347. - Will you shut up?
- It was pretty good.Copy !req
348. All right, Archer, I am bored
with this and with you.Copy !req
349. Get ready to die.Copy !req
350. Aah!Copy !req
351. Um... okay.Copy !req
352. Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein!Copy !req
353. What the...?Copy !req
354. Archer!Copy !req
355. Wooohoohoohoooo!Copy !req
356. Holy shit!
Did you see that?Copy !req
357. - Yeah, I...
- I must have hit his fuel tank.Copy !req
358. - Wait. What?
- Woohoo!Copy !req
359. Million-to-one shot,
but I did it.Copy !req
360. I finally beat Ziegler.Copy !req
361. Yeah. Way to go.Copy !req
362. Right?Copy !req
363. So now what?
Can't go back to the island now.Copy !req
364. The krauts are gonna know
this whole thing was you.Copy !req
365. You think I didn't think
of that? Don't worry.Copy !req
366. I put Crackers on it.Copy !req
367. What in the hell
is going on here?Copy !req
368. Well? Someone had better
tell me!Copy !req
369. Uh, yeah, so,
I was here earlier,Copy !req
370. and I saw the whole thing,
which wasCopy !req
371. Ziegler and the other guy—
Schnell—Copy !req
372. who, come to find out,
is his lover.Copy !req
373. - Yeah.Copy !req
374. So they stole
the other two planes,Copy !req
375. and set this one on fire
so nobody could follow themCopy !req
376. to Shanghai where they plan
to open a cabaret,Copy !req
377. the unfortunately named
"Scandals."Copy !req
378. Ooh! Scandals!
That sounds fun, huh?Copy !req
379. Hi, guys!Copy !req
380. You're bright-eyed
and bushy-tailed.Copy !req
381. I'm surprised you can even walk.Copy !req
382. What? Oh, God. No.Copy !req
383. They were all so drunk,
they thoughtCopy !req
384. that jar of coconut butter was,
you know, me.Copy !req
385. - Oh.Copy !req
386. Oh. Well,Copy !req
387. as long as you charged
everybody full price.Copy !req
388. Right?Copy !req
389. Then you should have a lot
of money to give me?Copy !req
390. Ugh. About that...Copy !req
391. I've decided that from now on,Copy !req
392. - I'm keeping all of it.
- Excuse me?Copy !req
393. Yeah, because your cop buddy
lives in a barrel now,Copy !req
394. and this stupid island is
under an occupying power,Copy !req
395. all of whom are heavily armed,Copy !req
396. and basically
totally in love with me.Copy !req
397. Fur dich, Fraulein!Copy !req
398. Aw! Oh.Copy !req
399. So go make me
some goddamn breakfast.Copy !req
400. Besides, getting backCopy !req
401. to the island is, like,
the one thingCopy !req
402. - we don't have to worry about.
- Yeah, exactly, so...Copy !req
403. Wait. What?Copy !req
404. Damn it!
Well, the good news is,Copy !req
405. at least it's a seaplane,
right?Copy !req
406. - Well, I mean it was.
- What?Copy !req
407. Goddamn it!
Goddamn it if you...Copy !req
408. Oh, shut up. Come on. If anybody
can crash-land a plane,Copy !req
409. it's me, right? Huh?Copy !req
410. With all my experience? Pam?Copy !req
411. Then get it over with!Copy !req
412. Oh, okay.
I guess just pout.Copy !req
413. - Pam?
- I am.Copy !req
414. Okay, then here goes.Copy !req
415. Woooohoohoooo!Copy !req
416. Bocadas de mierda!Copy !req
417. And did you see that, Pam?Copy !req
418. Also perfect.Copy !req
419. Who wins, huh?
Archer wins.Copy !req
420. Yeah. This is a win for you?Copy !req
421. Not just for me, Pam.Copy !req
422. For America.Copy !req
423. And those hapless
Spanish communists.Copy !req
424. Well? So now what?Copy !req
425. So now, since we've only got
one flare,Copy !req
426. I'm gonna shoot their leader
with it,Copy !req
427. and then, when the rest of them
go into a feeding frenzy,Copy !req
428. you and me are gonna make
a run for it.Copy !req
429. - What?
I'm kidding,Copy !req
430. - you big dumb idiot.Copy !req
431. - You know...Copy !req
432. Made in Georgia.Copy !req
433. Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBHCopy !req
434. Will they survive Danger Island?Copy !req
435. We are going to die
up here.Copy !req
436. - No, we're not!
- Yeah.
It's the ground that kills ya.Copy !req
437. Thanks.Copy !req
438. Archer Danger Island.Copy !req
439. All new, Wednesdays at 10:00. Only on FXX.Copy !req