1. Mayday mayday mayday,
this is Commander Kellogg ofCopy !req
2. I.S.A. Space Station Horizon, (... )Copy !req
3. secure transmission (... )Copy !req
4. Commander Drake.Copy !req
5. Tony, the crew has (... ),
and we are under (... ).Copy !req
6. I say again, we are under (... ).Copy !req
7. Croatoooooan!Copy !req
8. - And that, Mrs. Archer...
- Ms.Copy !req
9. Don't.Copy !req
10. - Ahh — Ms. Archer, I beg your pardon —
- Don't.Copy !req
11. — that was the last
transmission from the Horizon.Copy !req
12. Which, obviously pretty vague.Copy !req
13. Vague?Copy !req
14. You heard Commander Kellogg, he
said the Horizon is under attack!Copy !req
15. - Well, under something...
- He could've been saying underfinanced.Copy !req
16. What?Copy !req
17. - Sterling —
- What, they're always whining about needing moreCopy !req
18. money for their boondocks.Copy !req
19. Doggles.Copy !req
20. What?Copy !req
21. You think space exploration is a boondoggle?Copy !req
22. Well c'mon, in this economy?Copy !req
23. Exactly!Copy !req
24. Now, more than ever, is when
we need to look to spaceCopy !req
25. for the solutions to mankind's problems.Copy !req
26. In just two hundred years,
Earth's population will exceedCopy !req
27. her capacity to produce enough food.Copy !req
28. And even as the famines begin,
global war will erupt as freshCopy !req
29. water becomes scarcer than gold.Copy !req
30. But if we begin now, using the lessons
learned aboard Space Station Horizon,Copy !req
31. a small group of brave
colonists, can terraform Mars.Copy !req
32. And mankind can finally slip
the surly bonds of Earth,Copy !req
33. to live forever among the stars!Copy !req
34. Yeah, Lana.Copy !req
35. Wh-?Copy !req
36. Jesus, read a book once in your life.Copy !req
37. So where does ISIS fit in, Commander?Copy !req
38. - Well —
- Well I think that's a bit premature, until we discussCopy !req
39. our fee structure.Copy !req
40. - As to that, you can name your price.Copy !req
41. - Oh now they've got —
- Enough!Copy !req
42. American, German, Chinese, French—
- Ba-dum-bump!Copy !req
43. Sorry, I thought "French"Copy !req
44. was a joke
- Is mutiny funny to you, Mr. Archer?Copy !req
45. - I dunno, maybe a mutiny of clowns...
- Because I fear that oneCopy !req
46. faction, led by radical
nationalists, has mutinied.Copy !req
47. But who?Copy !req
48. Which one?Copy !req
49. - Well if I —
- If he knew, he would tell us!Copy !req
50. Read a book!Copy !req
51. And since I don't know which
faction is behind the mutiny —Copy !req
52. - If there even was one...
— I can't trust anyone at the I.S.A.Copy !req
53. Which is why I came to ISIS.Copy !req
54. Because of our loyalty.Copy !req
55. Or lack thereof.Copy !req
56. Or whatever.Copy !req
57. Because I need a small
cadre of highly trained agentsCopy !req
58. to fly into orbit and help me
to retake control of Horizon.Copy !req
59. Nooope!Copy !req
60. Yeahhhp!Copy !req
61. Archer!Copy !req
62. Lana!Copy !req
63. He just said "highly-trained"!Copy !req
64. And last time I checked, none of us were
even lowly-trained to be astronauts!Copy !req
65. Well how hard could it be?Copy !req
66. Incredibly.Copy !req
67. - But since apparently money is no object...
- The training scheduleCopy !req
68. will have to be highly compressed,
because the shuttle Intrepid isCopy !req
69. launching in three days.Copy !req
70. And I won't lie to you, this
mission will be dangerous.Copy !req
71. Would you say we'll be
venturing into a zone of danger?Copy !req
72. Well yes, obviously.Copy !req
73. No, but — how
would you phrase that?Copy !req
74. I — the zone
will be one of danger?Copy !req
75. No, I mean say —
oh forget it, never mind.Copy !req
76. And you never mind and also shut up.Copy !req
77. Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.comCopy !req
78. Archer 3x09
Space Race
Original Air Date on March 15, 2012Copy !req
79. BluRay resync by AtrusCopy !req
80. Oww!Copy !req
81. Jesus Krieger, that's the bone!Copy !req
82. Oh, da mean doctor take widdle
baby's bwud, and widdle baby goes —Copy !req
83. owww!Copy !req
84. You're a baby.Copy !req
85. And astronaut training sucks complete ass!Copy !req
86. Literally!Copy !req
87. What is the deal with all the enemas?Copy !req
88. - Uh —
- And why do you need so much blood?Copy !req
89. And wait, now that I think about it —
- Why is this man inCopy !req
90. the restricted area?Copy !req
91. Who, him?Copy !req
92. You.Copy !req
93. Wh-? Krieger!Copy !req
94. Uh — smoke bomb!Copy !req
95. And why aren't you with the other trainees?Copy !req
96. I was told I had to undergo a bunch of extremelyCopy !req
97. invasive medical tests.Copy !req
98. Well normally you would, but by our doctors.Copy !req
99. But since you're on such an
accelerated training schedule —Copy !req
100. Six enemas is a luxury
we can ill afford, got it.Copy !req
101. Six?Copy !req
102. Or — who knows,
he put me under.Copy !req
103. Maybe twelve.Copy !req
104. Now you've wasted half a day,
so the other trainees are wayCopy !req
105. ahead of you.Copy !req
106. Not for long they're not!Copy !req
107. Well he's eager, I'll give him that.Copy !req
108. Well, you inspire him.Copy !req
109. With all those medals on that powerful chest.Copy !req
110. Your wife is a very lucky—
- I'm a widower.Copy !req
111. Oh!Copy !req
112. Difficult to meet people,
isn't it, in jobs like ours.Copy !req
113. I only mention it because I also happen to be single —
- Yes, I know.Copy !req
114. Excuse me.Copy !req
115. I hope to God that was alcohol.Copy !req
116. No!Copy !req
117. Yes!Copy !req
118. - Dammit Archer, it's—
- It's my turn!Copy !req
119. Cyril! Cyril!Copy !req
120. Drake said lemme fly it!Copy !req
121. Cut it out, Archer!Copy !req
122. I'm landing!Copy !req
123. C'mon, baby, keep that nose up...Copy !req
124. What the —?Copy !req
125. Explosive decompression.Copy !req
126. Explosive decompression.Copy !req
127. Happy, Cyril?Copy !req
128. You just destroyed Alderaan!Copy !req
129. Dammit, that was closer than any
of us have gotten to actually landing!Copy !req
130. A, because you're all crap, and
B, who cares, we're not gonna land it!Copy !req
131. - What the hell —
— is going on in here?Copy !req
132. - Archer —
- Saw an electrical fire in the simulator,Copy !req
133. and knowing that my colleague's
life was in danger, I —Copy !req
134. You acted without thinking!Copy !req
135. As always.Copy !req
136. - Not always...
- Well, thank God you did —
- Wh-?Copy !req
137. But almost always!Copy !req
138. — because that's exactly
the kind of decisive actionCopy !req
139. this mission calls for.Copy !req
140. You could all learn something from him.Copy !req
141. - Oh my God...
- Starting with a little training exercise weCopy !req
142. lightheartedly call... The Vomit Comet!Copy !req
143. And if you're wondering why we call it that...Copy !req
144. Gagh!Copy !req
145. Aw, it's all in my hair!Copy !req
146. Oh Jeezy H. Petes!Copy !req
147. What the hell is wrong with you, Lana?Copy !req
148. that's why we call it that.Copy !req
149. What possible reason, could there
be, to subject human beings to —Copy !req
150. SKEWWWWWWW...
- Such mind-shattering awesomeness!Copy !req
151. - The KC-135 flies in a parabolic arc—
- Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo caaaaaaaaaares!Copy !req
152. — which allows us to achieve
weightlessness for about thirty seconds.Copy !req
153. We'll do this twenty times —
- Woooooo! Weightlessness!Copy !req
154. — so you can get acquainted
with the sensation of being weightless.Copy !req
155. It takes some time getting used to, but —
- Ow.Copy !req
156. Agent Kane.Copy !req
157. Are you alright?Copy !req
158. Yep.Copy !req
159. Yep yep yep.Copy !req
160. What is going on with you?Copy !req
161. Do not like.Copy !req
162. What're you, crazy?Copy !req
163. What's not to —Copy !req
164. Oh.Copy !req
165. No! Archer, noooo!Copy !req
166. Yeesss!Copy !req
167. Please don't do this!Copy !req
168. What's that?
Sorry, I couldn't hear you over theCopy !req
169. sound of the vawshiiiit!Copy !req
170. Looking good!Copy !req
171. Only nineteen more to go!Copy !req
172. Nineteen more times...
Until there was literallyCopy !req
173. no more fluid left in my body.Copy !req
174. Yeah, and thanks so much for that.Copy !req
175. - Cyril...
- She's not the one who kept riding you into itCopy !req
176. holding your mouth open.Copy !req
177. - Jeez, even in zero gravity you're an assho —
- You were saying?Copy !req
178. To the wet-towel wielding
survivor of fifteen years ofCopy !req
179. boarding school locker rooms?Copy !req
180. Wait, fifteen?Copy !req
181. Or — whatever,
the normal number.Copy !req
182. Twelve?Copy !req
183. Yes, we will launch in twelve hours.Copy !req
184. We received another
transmission from the Horizon.Copy !req
185. They can't wait.Copy !req
186. But we haven't been trained properly!Copy !req
187. To what, wear a seat belt?Copy !req
188. Actually, is it a
five-point harness, or...?Copy !req
189. - I admit this isn't an ideal scenario —
- Speaking of,Copy !req
190. what's the scenario when we get to the Horizon?Copy !req
191. We don't have a tactical plan, we don't—
- We'll have plenty of timeCopy !req
192. to discuss our plan of action during the flight.Copy !req
193. - But —
- Lana!Copy !req
194. What has gotten in to you?Copy !req
195. - More like what got out of her...
- Sir, I'm not sure Lana-Copy !req
196. sorry honey - is physically
capable of spaceflight.Copy !req
197. Ray!Copy !req
198. Actually I may not be cut out for it.Copy !req
199. I'm sorry to hear that, Agent Kane...
Because you're going.Copy !req
200. To a zone, which is one of danger.Copy !req
201. T-minus ninety seconds.Copy !req
202. Roger, Control, all systems are go.Copy !req
203. Next stop, Horizon.Copy !req
204. Okay. Archer.Copy !req
205. Sorry, are you talking to me?Copy !req
206. Or to her, who why is she here?Copy !req
207. Because Tony invited me!Copy !req
208. Tony?Copy !req
209. What, you trying to get my mother
into the Million-Mile High Club?Copy !req
210. Sterling!Copy !req
211. - Archer...
- Would you calm the hell down?Copy !req
212. I am calm!Copy !req
213. And I'm also outta here!Copy !req
214. Take your hands off that harness.Copy !req
215. Make me!Copy !req
216. Oh, and just so you know?Copy !req
217. She — Can't breathe.Copy !req
218. Uh, Flight, we're showing suit number twoCopy !req
219. with an oh-two malfunction.Copy !req
220. Double-check that, Control,
I'm showing green across the board.Copy !req
221. Stand by.Copy !req
222. Roger, standing by.Copy !req
223. Doo do doooo...
- Tony, please!Copy !req
224. He'll behave!Copy !req
225. Won't he!Copy !req
226. Ip.Copy !req
227. Excellent... Because I won't-
I can't - let anyone jeopardize theCopy !req
228. success of this mission.Copy !req
229. Flight, oh-two
on suit two is showing normal.Copy !req
230. But uh, keep an eye on it.Copy !req
231. Oh, I will.Copy !req
232. - Hooray...
- Resume countdown, Control.Copy !req
233. Roger, Flight.Copy !req
234. - T-minus five... four...
- Exciting, isn't it?Copy !req
235. Three.Copy !req
236. Two.Copy !req
237. One.Copy !req
238. I think it is.Copy !req
239. Ignition.Copy !req
240. Liftoff.Copy !req
241. Just relax, and rely on your training!Copy !req
242. Which we didn't have!Copy !req
243. Because Phase Two's a little rough!Copy !req
244. Phase Two?Copy !req
245. What's Phase —Copy !req
246. Aaaaaaghhhhh!Copy !req
247. That was Phase Two.Copy !req
248. Did not like.Copy !req
249. Wait'll you see Phase Three.Copy !req
250. What?Copy !req
251. I'm kidding, there is no Phase Three.Copy !req
252. Just a little space-humor.Copy !req
253. Yeah, funny stuff.Copy !req
254. Right?Copy !req
255. Right, then... I want to brief you
all on we can expect when we dockCopy !req
256. with Horizon.Copy !req
257. Ugh, can we expect a pharmacy?Copy !req
258. Lana, it's not a strip mall.Copy !req
259. Although I assume there's a bar?Copy !req
260. A bar?Copy !req
261. Or whatever, cantina.Copy !req
262. Ah... No.Copy !req
263. Please pay attention.Copy !req
264. We'll dock here, move forward on foot
toward Horizon's bridge, and —Copy !req
265. Wait, on foot?Copy !req
266. Horizon has artificial gravity.Copy !req
267. See how it spins on its longitudinal axis?Copy !req
268. Lana, look at it spin.Copy !req
269. When we reach the bridge,
we'll retake control of Horizon.Copy !req
270. But we can expect heavy resistance,
I'm sure the mutineers are armed.Copy !req
271. With what, slide rules and Tang?Copy !req
272. The M-41 Mark Two plasma-pulse
rifle with concussion grenade launcher.Copy !req
273. Oh shit!Copy !req
274. On "kill" mode, the M-41
fires lethal plasma ammunition.Copy !req
275. On "stun" it fires an ion pulse.Copy !req
276. Similar to an EMP.Copy !req
277. And can it be fired with an erection?Copy !req
278. Ugh.Copy !req
279. Archer! Muzzle?Copy !req
280. Relax, it's on stun Lana.Copy !req
281. Careful.Copy !req
282. Even on stun it can —
- Oops.Copy !req
283. Clear!Copy !req
284. - Clear!
- Clear!Copy !req
285. Owwwwwww!Copy !req
286. Whew! As I was saying, it's possible
for the EMP to stop a man's heart.Copy !req
287. So "stun,"Copy !req
288. maybe a bit of a misnomer.Copy !req
289. - Dammit, Archer...
- I'm not the one who was all sweaty!Copy !req
290. Mr. Archer, that's twice you've
jeopardized the success of this mission!Copy !req
291. There will not be a third!Copy !req
292. Uh, Flight, we have a problem...Copy !req
293. - Well don't look at me...
- My God, on this trajectory we'll missCopy !req
294. Horizon!Copy !req
295. Control, what happened?Copy !req
296. Burn rates were
good, Flight, uh... stand by.Copy !req
297. Uh, Flight, we're showing that
you are grossly overweight.Copy !req
298. Oh, for —!Copy !req
299. I wouldn't say grossly!Copy !req
300. I would.Copy !req
301. I would be well within my rights
to jettison both of you into space!Copy !req
302. Well within them!Copy !req
303. Malory!Copy !req
304. However!Copy !req
305. For uh, numerous reasons - one being
this ship can't actually do that -Copy !req
306. I've decided take you with us.Copy !req
307. But I want to know how you got aboard.Copy !req
308. Whaddya mean, how?Copy !req
309. Mr. Ar —
- Yeah so that safety's tricky, huh?Copy !req
310. Clear!Copy !req
311. - Clear!
- Clear!Copy !req
312. Owwwwwww!Copy !req
313. - Awesome...
- Son of a shitsnackin whore...
- Mr. Figgis!Copy !req
314. Lock that man in the cargo hold.Copy !req
315. Who, me?Copy !req
316. Aye freaking aye.Copy !req
317. Ms. Archer.Copy !req
318. In case I need to sterilize something?Copy !req
319. Get strapped in.Copy !req
320. Agent Gillette, monitor
this woman's vital signs.Copy !req
321. Agent Kane, come with me.Copy !req
322. I may need some help getting us to Horizon.Copy !req
323. So that we don't die writhing in
agony when we run out of oxygen.Copy !req
324. Yeah, been there, no picnic.Copy !req
325. Speaking of, great for picnics.Copy !req
326. The tofu teriyaki, not so much.Copy !req
327. There's teriyaki?Copy !req
328. No!Copy !req
329. Cyril, c'mon, lemme out.Copy !req
330. No, you jerk!Copy !req
331. You shoot me in the heart with a space-blaster...
- Wh-?Copy !req
332. You're still mad about that?Copy !req
333. Not to mention whatever idiot
reason you had for smuggling Pam on board!Copy !req
334. You're screwin him, aren'tcha?Copy !req
335. Whaaaaaaaat?Copy !req
336. Yes.Copy !req
337. No!Copy !req
338. Because if we don't die, for all
I care you can rot in there!Copy !req
339. Cyril? Cyril!Copy !req
340. Well good luck fighting a bunch of
whatever, space-pirates without me.Copy !req
341. you, space.Copy !req
342. Come on baby, just a few more seconds!Copy !req
343. Damn it!Copy !req
344. I don't know if that was a long enough burn!Copy !req
345. Agent Kane, I need a readout!Copy !req
346. For God's sake, woman, Dramamine!Copy !req
347. - It makes me sleepy...
- I think we're okay, sir!Copy !req
348. Thank God.Copy !req
349. Because we're out of fuel.Copy !req
350. What?Copy !req
351. How are we gonna get back to Earth?Copy !req
352. There is fuel.Copy !req
353. On Horizon.Copy !req
354. Well I didn't know that.Copy !req
355. The flight computer will dock the ship.Copy !req
356. Assemble the boarding party.Copy !req
357. Nor was I told there would be a party.Copy !req
358. Lana, what're you wearing?Copy !req
359. Bio-matrix composite body armor.Copy !req
360. Effective against small-arms fire.Copy !req
361. And we need all the help we can get.Copy !req
362. Since there's only four of us.Copy !req
363. Yeah, that seems kinda... few.Copy !req
364. - Heck, if you need some help, I'll —
- No!Copy !req
365. We can't jeopardize the women!Copy !req
366. Cough.Copy !req
367. - Well not you...
- No, no, no, Agent Kane,Copy !req
368. I'm afraid your particular skill-set
outweighs your —Copy !req
369. Docking complete.Copy !req
370. Is that a ghost?Copy !req
371. Nope.Copy !req
372. Boarding party, into the airlock.Copy !req
373. Gravity engaged.Copy !req
374. Weapons on stun, fast and hard to the bridge.Copy !req
375. And remember, these are mutineers.Copy !req
376. Even if they try to say —
- Suppressing fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiire!Copy !req
377. Otherwise.Copy !req
378. Just follow me.Copy !req
379. And try not to shoot me in the awshit!Copy !req
380. What the hell.Copy !req
381. Is wrong with me?Copy !req
382. It's the artificial gravity!Copy !req
383. You have to readjust to it!Copy !req
384. - I'll get my inner ear right on that...
- We don't have timeCopy !req
385. for this, they're —
- There they are!Copy !req
386. Get 'em, get 'em!Copy !req
387. Drop your weapons!Copy !req
388. Drop your weapons!Copy !req
389. Suppressing —
So does this run on batteries, or...?Copy !req
390. Fiiiiire!Copy !req
391. Get some! Get some!Copy !req
392. We're pinned down!Copy !req
393. Really?Copy !req
394. You don't think I could rock this?Copy !req
395. Couple things...
One, I don't know what that means.Copy !req
396. And two... hang on.Copy !req
397. Hang on.Copy !req
398. Hang on.Copy !req
399. Hang on.Copy !req
400. And two, you obviously don't know
what "boarding party" means.Copy !req
401. Who am I, sixteenth-century
female Irish pirate Gráinne O'Malley?Copy !req
402. Or her sole female descendant!Copy !req
403. I'm sorry.Copy !req
404. For what?Copy !req
405. Space-blastering me in
the frickin tits?Copy !req
406. Or tricking me into that
fart-locker to get blasted intoCopy !req
407. outer goddamn space on the off
chance you might wanna bang me!Copy !req
408. - Both I guess, look —
- After you blew me offCopy !req
409. for Katya the big-titted cyborg!Copy !req
410. Littleiss, uh...
- R2-double-D2?Copy !req
411. Nice.Copy !req
412. Thanks, and I'm sorry,
but you gotta let me out, Pam,Copy !req
413. they're fighting
space-pirates out there!Copy !req
414. With Cyril!Copy !req
415. It's supposed to fire.Copy !req
416. What is wrong with you?Copy !req
417. And Lana can't even stand up!Copy !req
418. You idiot, just
reset the — unghff!Copy !req
419. Jesus, like a dog in a station wagon.Copy !req
420. No, no!Copy !req
421. We're losing the beachhead!Copy !req
422. They're running out of time, Pam!Copy !req
423. - Oh, alright...
- That being said... quickie?Copy !req
424. Meh.Copy !req
425. Whew!Copy !req
426. Okay, good luck.Copy !req
427. Thanks, normally I'd say I don't need it,Copy !req
428. but I can barely feel my legs.Copy !req
429. I call that the MOAB.Copy !req
430. It stands for —
- I know!Copy !req
431. What it stands for, I was there,
please don't say it out loud.Copy !req
432. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to...
Kick some space-pirate ass!Copy !req
433. Woooooo!Copy !req
434. Archer?Copy !req
435. Hang on?Copy !req
436. Yes, Archer, duh.Copy !req
437. And if you're done doing each other's hair, let's —
- Let's retake the shiiiiip!Copy !req
438. Or just run around interrupting people.Copy !req
439. Gagh! I'm hit, I'm hit!Copy !req
440. Oh, for — Do I
have to do everything?Copy !req
441. He asked, intending to be facetious!Copy !req
442. I'm sorry!Copy !req
443. I don't know what's wrong with me!Copy !req
444. Besides suffering from gigantism?Copy !req
445. Shut up.Copy !req
446. The bridge!Copy !req
447. We have to make it to the —
- The bridge, yes, I heard you!Copy !req
448. So unless we're going the wrong way...!Copy !req
449. Uhh... oh.Copy !req
450. No, that's it right there.Copy !req
451. Then shut up! God!Copy !req
452. Okay, now what?Copy !req
453. You can un-shut up.Copy !req
454. The com-link, by the door...
Commander Kellogg?Copy !req
455. It's Drake!Copy !req
456. Tony?Copy !req
457. "Tony?"Copy !req
458. Oh my God, am I glad to see you!Copy !req
459. We couldn't have held out much longer!Copy !req
460. Well, we got here as fast as we could.Copy !req
461. My God, you're wounded.Copy !req
462. Put him here, please, and we'll take those...
- Uh, oh.Copy !req
463. Yeah, here you go...
- Oh dear, are you wounded too?Copy !req
464. - No, just —
- Just a little space-sickness.Copy !req
465. But eventually she'll get acclimated.Copy !req
466. I — eventually?Copy !req
467. Yes, she's strong, good breeding stock.Copy !req
468. Wh-? Hey!Copy !req
469. Whoa, Charles Benedict Davenport.Copy !req
470. Uh, the father of eugenics.Copy !req
471. Seriously guys, read a book.Copy !req
472. And two more on the Intrepid,
stowaways, almost as good as her.Copy !req
473. Two more?Copy !req
474. Then we can populate Mars
even faster than we'd hoped!Copy !req
475. - What?
- What?Copy !req
476. Did you say Mars?Copy !req
477. Oh now your ears —
wait, why did you say Mars?Copy !req
478. Don't you see?Copy !req
479. They're the mutineers!Copy !req
480. Welcome to the... Danger Zone!Copy !req
481. Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
BluRay resync by AtrusCopy !req