1. Just give it up, Fabian.Copy !req
2. Ow!Copy !req
3. Aww, man.Copy !req
4. Dang it.
This was my yearCopy !req
5. for the Agent Skills Competition.Copy !req
6. I put it on my vision board
and everything.Copy !req
7. - Next to the sunset?
- Above the sunset.Copy !req
8. Wow. I can't believe
that didn't work.Copy !req
9. Well, maybe next time...
And I know this sounds crazy...Copy !req
10. You could try not sucking.Copy !req
11. Well, you don't have to be
a dick about it.Copy !req
12. Have to? No.Copy !req
13. But then I wouldn't
be able to tell youCopy !req
14. that the Treaty of Versailles called,Copy !req
15. and it wants its total failure
to achieve anyCopy !req
16. of its stated goals back.Copy !req
17. Also, it's sorry about Europe.Copy !req
18. Well, if you're so great,
why is your intel so bad?Copy !req
19. My name's not Fabian.Copy !req
20. Oh, I know that.
That's my boss's name.Copy !req
21. Yelling it gets me in the mood
to shoot peopleCopy !req
22. that I pretend are him.Copy !req
23. - Well, you got lucky.
- Sure.Copy !req
24. Though, in a mirror maze,
maybe considerCopy !req
25. not putting on a gallon
of cologne that smells like...Copy !req
26. Gasoline and decaying hobo foot.Copy !req
27. Ow.Copy !req
28. Now what was that for?
- You're still wearing it.Copy !req
29. Hello, Clandesti-con,Copy !req
30. where spying meets
sweaty buffet food.Copy !req
31. Who wants a brochure for IIA,Copy !req
32. the soulless company
that is making us do this?Copy !req
33. Come on, Lana.
Let's have some fun with it.Copy !req
34. We'll take these lemons
and make...Copy !req
35. Concentrated citric acid
to spray in our own eyes?Copy !req
36. I have some in my purse
if you need it.Copy !req
37. This isn't so bad.
When I temped at IIA,Copy !req
38. they were trying
to increase productivity,Copy !req
39. so they docked your pay if you
peed more than twice a day.Copy !req
40. Ugh. I hate this company.Copy !req
41. Nice job in the competition, Archer.Copy !req
42. Though calling your opponent
"Fabian" raised eyebrows.Copy !req
43. These two specifically.Copy !req
44. Well, despite the fact
that you're praising me,Copy !req
45. which makes it nearly
impossible for meCopy !req
46. to not like you, I still
definitely wanna murder you.Copy !req
47. Today is a crucial day
for all of you.Copy !req
48. We are launching The AgencyCopy !req
49. as a distinct boutique branch
of IIA.Copy !req
50. Wait, really?
We'll have autonomy?Copy !req
51. Yes. Exactly as much autonomy
as Kermit the Frog.Copy !req
52. Yo, you think Miss Piggy
is abusing him?Copy !req
53. I know she plays rough, but...Copy !req
54. I get the feeling he enjoys it.Copy !req
55. Who wouldn't?
Roughed up by a pig in jewelry.Copy !req
56. No. I mean you'll be
a thin piece of fabricCopy !req
57. with my hand up your ass.Copy !req
58. Where's your sense of wonder?Copy !req
59. IIA represents 60%
of private spying,Copy !req
60. but some clients
are too mired in the past.Copy !req
61. They want a personal touch. Authenticity.Copy !req
62. That's what you lot are for...
To fake that.Copy !req
63. So pretend we're independent
to make IIA more successfulCopy !req
64. and allow you
to ruthlessly exploit us.Copy !req
65. Welcome to the concept of a job.Copy !req
66. Now, I'm giving the keynote
for the conference later today:Copy !req
67. a speech entitled
"Leadership as a Network."Copy !req
68. You can't just say
"noun as a different noun"Copy !req
69. and pretend
that it means something.Copy !req
70. Sure I can. I call it
"language as a weapon."Copy !req
71. Now, Archer, you need to winCopy !req
72. the Agent Skills CompetitionCopy !req
73. if we're going to launch
The Agency properly.Copy !req
74. By the way,
the board hates the idea.Copy !req
75. They'd rather you were
completely broken upCopy !req
76. and redistributed.Copy !req
77. So, Archer,
our fate is in your hands.Copy !req
78. - Well, sayonara, guys.
- Oh, boy.Copy !req
79. You know what?
I'll be honest with you.Copy !req
80. That's a responsibility
I take very seriously.Copy !req
81. Round of Glengoolie Blues, please.Copy !req
82. I'm looking for one of youCopy !req
83. to take the mantle
of leadership.Copy !req
84. Under me, of course.
So dot, dot, dot.Copy !req
85. Are the dots supposed
to make me love stickers?Copy !req
86. Damn it! I should be in
the competition with Archer!Copy !req
87. No, Lana. I need you here,Copy !req
88. front and center.Copy !req
89. And don't be afraid
to get out thereCopy !req
90. and really be diverse.Copy !req
91. Remember, a personal touch.Copy !req
92. You heard him, sweetheart.Copy !req
93. A personal touch.Copy !req
94. Hey, would you like
some stickers?Copy !req
95. They're edible.
- They don't look edible.Copy !req
96. Anything's edible
if you try hard enough.Copy !req
97. Aww, lucky.Copy !req
98. Should we do something?Copy !req
99. Like make popcorn? Or what?Copy !req
100. Now where is she going?Copy !req
101. I think you got me.Copy !req
102. See? You just get me.
I do feel a responsibilityCopy !req
103. to keep my mother's legacy alive,Copy !req
104. but on the other hand, now I
don't have to worry about beingCopy !req
105. yelled at by the one person
in the world who scares me.Copy !req
106. So do I go with responsibility,
or do I go balls to the wall?Copy !req
107. Or, more accurately,
balls to the wallCopy !req
108. then through that wall
into an adjoining wallCopy !req
109. that's probably load-bearing.Copy !req
110. So... which is it?Copy !req
111. I'm thinking.Copy !req
112. I thought that was you, Lana.Copy !req
113. Finally.
- Robert? What the hell?Copy !req
114. Did you just fly
all the way to DubaiCopy !req
115. to hear me say,
"Talk to my divorce lawyer?"Copy !req
116. Yes. And was on the way
to Abu Dhabi.Copy !req
117. Now, I get that I'm the one
who's mostly at fault here...Copy !req
118. - Mostly?
- But you aren't blameless.Copy !req
119. And we need to think about
what's best for AJ.Copy !req
120. Oh-ho-ho. Is that
why you nailed that skank?Copy !req
121. For AJ? What, were you looking
for a parenting bookCopy !req
122. between her piss flaps?Copy !req
123. No. That's not where they
keep those.Copy !req
124. What are you even worried about?Copy !req
125. We signed a prenup.Copy !req
126. Well, there is the issue
of custody.Copy !req
127. Excuse me?Copy !req
128. I'm just being realistic.Copy !req
129. It was your job
that got AJ kidnapped.Copy !req
130. To a judge, that sounds
like an unsafe environment.Copy !req
131. And if they put AJ on the stand,Copy !req
132. are you 100% sure
she chooses you?Copy !req
133. Why do you have teeth marks
on your elbow?Copy !req
134. I'll show you.
Do you like stickers?Copy !req
135. I'm sensing you need space.Copy !req
136. - What?
- Shouldn't you beCopy !req
137. back at the booth?Copy !req
138. No, because what I do
is kick ass.Copy !req
139. And I should be
in the competitionCopy !req
140. so I can take over
when Archer screws up.Copy !req
141. Come, now. Archer is reliable
when he needs to be.Copy !req
142. He's resting right now
for his next round.Copy !req
143. Uh, did he specify
the type of round?Copy !req
144. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
145. I'm not totally convinced
that's a downside.Copy !req
146. It's like his liver absorbs
alcohol and excretes luck.Copy !req
147. Having said that, you can stay
in the competition.Copy !req
148. Thank you.
I was going to anyway,Copy !req
149. you absolute turd.Copy !req
150. But thank you.Copy !req
151. The competition
is basically a formality.Copy !req
152. I'm generally considered
the world's greatest spy.Copy !req
153. Yes. You absolutely were.Copy !req
154. You know, I used to be a spy
just like you.Copy !req
155. Oh, who'd you spy for,
the Etruscans?Copy !req
156. Hmm. Indeed.Copy !req
157. In this biz, one minute,
you're the greatest thingCopy !req
158. since the 3:00 p. m.
Dinner special,Copy !req
159. and the next, dog shit on a bun.Copy !req
160. My advice?
Buy mustard, lad.Copy !req
161. Why would I buy mustard
to eat myself?Copy !req
162. So you think about that.Copy !req
163. Ugh. Why are you
in such a great mood?Copy !req
164. Why don't you ask your face?Copy !req
165. My face says Robert's
gonna fight for custody of AJ.Copy !req
166. Um, can he do that?Copy !req
167. Well, when you have
that much money,Copy !req
168. turns out you can pretty much
do anything.Copy !req
169. Why is AJ not picking up?Copy !req
170. A kid not picking up
a phone call?Copy !req
171. Weird.
Did you try her telegraph?Copy !req
172. Or lighting the signal fires
of Gondor?Copy !req
173. Why is everything
so complicated?Copy !req
174. Because you're divorcing one
of the world's richest men-Copy !req
175. slash-ex-boss who wants custody
of the daughter you hadCopy !req
176. with a different coworker.
- Well, sure, but...Copy !req
177. All while you work
for a corporate behemothCopy !req
178. that seems to be trying
to take over the world.Copy !req
179. Yes. All of that. I guess.Copy !req
180. Well, I discovered the answer
to all those problems, Lana.Copy !req
181. It's simple, it's easy,Copy !req
182. and it's right at the bottom
of this glass.Copy !req
183. Well, it wasn't at the bottom
of that one,Copy !req
184. But I'm no quitter.Copy !req
185. Behold, an audio bug.Copy !req
186. Ooh.Copy !req
187. And that's all it does.
The wonders of IIA science.Copy !req
188. A microphone.
Truly groundbreaking...Copy !req
189. For 1876.Copy !req
190. Hey, what's that new one
you're working on called?Copy !req
191. The wheel?Copy !req
192. Got 'em good, Ikari.Copy !req
193. I am working on something
called The Wheel!Copy !req
194. But it's a sex thing...Copy !req
195. that I can't build at work.
And you call that justice?Copy !req
196. Okay, look, I get it.Copy !req
197. IIA might not be
the "cool upstart rebel,"Copy !req
198. but this ain't
"The Breakfast Club,"Copy !req
199. and Judd Nelson doesn't end up
with Molly Ringwald.Copy !req
200. He ends up at the bottom of
a lake wearing concrete shoesCopy !req
201. with my frickin' initials
on them.Copy !req
202. That's the power of IIA
with The AgencyCopy !req
203. as your personal concierge.Copy !req
204. I'm intrigued.Copy !req
205. And tell them Ray Gillette
sent you.Copy !req
206. Wh... stealing my customers?
Really?Copy !req
207. You think that'll get you
Mallory's chair?Copy !req
208. All's fair in love and...Copy !req
209. Ow!
- Ahh!Copy !req
210. Damn it!Copy !req
211. Where the hell'd you come from?Copy !req
212. A good leader always keeps
tabs on his team.Copy !req
213. So spying on us?Copy !req
214. How is it that passing out brochuresCopy !req
215. is somehow beyond you?Copy !req
216. And why are you standing there
nodding?Copy !req
217. I said I wanted leadership.Copy !req
218. You look like a bobblehead
they give awayCopy !req
219. to raise awareness
for diabetic librarians.Copy !req
220. Technically, I'm prediabetic.Copy !req
221. Oh, what are we gonna do
about that guy?Copy !req
222. Complain and then nothing?Copy !req
223. This is fun.
Ask me another one.Copy !req
224. Here's some fun.
I just put a bug on Fabian.Copy !req
225. If we get dirt on him,Copy !req
226. maybe then he'll approve
my design for the gun bomb.Copy !req
227. You see, it looks like a gun...Copy !req
228. Or improve working conditions.Copy !req
229. Yeah. We were promised
curated snacks.Copy !req
230. At this point, your blood's
just melted Otter Pops, huh?Copy !req
231. Well, you guys have fun.Copy !req
232. I'm off to find the best part
about every convention:Copy !req
233. the party room.Copy !req
234. Oh, if Fabian comes back, tell
him he can gnaw on my chode.Copy !req
235. Yeah, I'm not gonna
tell him that.Copy !req
236. Come
on. Let's hear
some bottles popping,Copy !req
237. maybe some fun squishy noises.Copy !req
238. Whoa. Now, that's contraband.Copy !req
239. Not following you.
I'm not following you.Copy !req
240. Just checking stuff out.Copy !req
241. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
242. Who's ready to Pam-page?Copy !req
243. Oh. Wrong party.Copy !req
244. Hey, get her!Copy !req
245. I need to party at work
more often.Copy !req
246. We are gonna crush
this next event.Copy !req
247. Whoa. Lana.Copy !req
248. High-fiving
is one of those thingsCopy !req
249. you should never do when drunk,Copy !req
250. like bomb disposal
or helping deliver a baby.Copy !req
251. Haven't you done both of those?Copy !req
252. That's how I know.Copy !req
253. All right. Now, nobody worry,Copy !req
254. 'cause Archer and I
have been resting...Copy !req
255. - Ahh!
- Shit!Copy !req
256. Guys, there was a room.Copy !req
257. Guns... lots.Copy !req
258. Like, they're probably coming.Copy !req
259. Kind of sounds
like you're coming.Copy !req
260. Kaboom!
That's a new thing I do.Copy !req
261. No, you don't. And it doesn't
even sound like that.Copy !req
262. - How would you know?
- Solid burn.Copy !req
263. But Pam,
look at the security here.Copy !req
264. They don't allow guns
on the floor,Copy !req
265. so what would they even do?Copy !req
266. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on, guys.Copy !req
267. Something's happening
with Fabian.Copy !req
268. No! You'll pay for this!Copy !req
269. You'll never take me alive!Copy !req
270. Okay, so you took me alive.Copy !req
271. So, uh... what?Copy !req
272. Okay, now that we've had
a moment to process... what?Copy !req
273. Why are they kidnapping him?Copy !req
274. They're probably trying
to humiliate IIA.Copy !req
275. It's right before his speech,Copy !req
276. so they'll have to admit
he's kidnapped,Copy !req
277. and if they can't protect
their own,Copy !req
278. then how are they gonna
protect you?Copy !req
279. Then they parade him,
and then they kill him.Copy !req
280. What?
We were all thinking it.Copy !req
281. Does this solve everything?Copy !req
282. Yeah, except he said that
the board would break us upCopy !req
283. and redistribute us.Copy !req
284. Wait, are we actually
gonna save Fabian?Copy !req
285. No.
We're gonna save Fabian.Copy !req
286. You two have to win
that competition.Copy !req
287. We still need a splash
for The Agency.Copy !req
288. Plus if you dropped out,Copy !req
289. the kidnappers
will know something's up.Copy !req
290. Ugh. I really wish
I hadn't had that many drinks.Copy !req
291. Me too, but the opposite.Copy !req
292. So what's your next event?Copy !req
293. Nearing the drop zone.Copy !req
294. If you are to die,
please take comfort in the factCopy !req
295. that it will not upset me
at all.Copy !req
296. Ugh. Oh, I'm gonna puke.Copy !req
297. Wow. Is it Dartmouth freshman
orientation already?Copy !req
298. Seriously, if you were any more
of a lightweight,Copy !req
299. you'd be levitating.Copy !req
300. Should we be, like...Copy !req
301. More concerned about
this Fabian thing?Copy !req
302. Nah.
The rest of the gang is on it.Copy !req
303. Well, we could...Copy !req
304. Ooh, or we could, um...Copy !req
305. I hate to ask,
but who got kidnapped again?Copy !req
306. Still no call back from AJ.Copy !req
307. Okay, I'll just text her and
tell her that I'll take her outCopy !req
308. this weekend
and do whatever she wants.Copy !req
309. Wrong.Copy !req
310. You just demanded more time
from her,Copy !req
311. and now she just resents you.Copy !req
312. Text her that you were
just thinking of herCopy !req
313. and how proud you are.Copy !req
314. Then write,
"No need to respond."Copy !req
315. How do you know this stuff?Copy !req
316. It helps that I've never movedCopy !req
317. past emotional adolescence.Copy !req
318. This event is very simple.Copy !req
319. Five briefcases.
Five spots in the finals.Copy !req
320. No weapons. Any question?Copy !req
321. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
322. Johnny Utah!Copy !req
323. Excuse me.Copy !req
324. Excuse me.Copy !req
325. Pardon me. Pardon me.Copy !req
326. Oh, 'scuse me. Pardon me.Copy !req
327. Falkor, away!Copy !req
328. Oh, ahh!Copy !req
329. I guess we're interpreting
"no weapons" pretty liberally.Copy !req
330. Ahh! Disgusting!Copy !req
331. Uh, let's not tell anyone
about this.Copy !req
332. No, no, no, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
333. Decent trade.Copy !req
334. Altitude warning.
Pull now.Copy !req
335. - Ahh!
- You big baby.Copy !req
336. Just use your backup chute.Copy !req
337. Unless we were way lower
than I thought.Copy !req
338. Really should have been keeping
tabs on that.Copy !req
339. Oh, well.Copy !req
340. - Well, what?
- Well, catch me up.Copy !req
341. You've been here the whole time.Copy !req
342. Quiet down.Copy !req
343. We're trying to flirt our way
to finding outCopy !req
344. who booked that conference room
full of dudes and guns.Copy !req
345. And striking out. 0 for 2.Copy !req
346. I don't know, y'all.
I can't get a read.Copy !req
347. He's like a sexual Rubik's Cube.Copy !req
348. Or as I call it, a Rubik's Cube.Copy !req
349. Huh.
Maybe I should give him a try.Copy !req
350. I've developed a sexual
nervous system stimulatorCopy !req
351. I call "The Wheel."Copy !req
352. Okay, I'll bite.
Why is it called The Wheel?Copy !req
353. Because once it gets rolling,
there's no stopping it.Copy !req
354. Any other ideas?Copy !req
355. Literally anything.Copy !req
356. Can I help any of youCopy !req
357. in some way that does not
involve, and I quote,Copy !req
358. "a hot beef enema"?Copy !req
359. - That wasn't me!
- I panicked!Copy !req
360. Just stand right there.
Hold on.Copy !req
361. Keep standing.Copy !req
362. Really, I don't have time for...Copy !req
363. - And you're overwhelmed.
- Oh. Oh. Ahh.Copy !req
364. Ahh, ahh, ahh. Ahh!Copy !req
365. Got it! Whoever booked
the conference roomCopy !req
366. - is staying in the Sultan Suite.
- Ahh! Ahh! Oh!Copy !req
367. You ever lend that thing out?Copy !req
368. Sure.
Just clear your schedule,Copy !req
369. because it goes for, like,
a couple of days.Copy !req
370. Oh.Copy !req
371. So we enter, clear the guards...Copy !req
372. With what?
We don't have guns.Copy !req
373. Guys, in the dealer's hall.Copy !req
374. There's a ton of non-lethals
in there.Copy !req
375. Tasers, air hammers,
something called a knife light.Copy !req
376. Well, then let's get sampling.Copy !req
377. All right.
We're in the finals.Copy !req
378. It's getting intense.
They tried to kill us up there.Copy !req
379. - How are things here?
- Great.Copy !req
380. We've located Fabian
and the kidnappers,Copy !req
381. and we've got a plan
to get them back.Copy !req
382. You do?
I was assuming you'd fail.Copy !req
383. And why would you think that?Copy !req
384. Because you're you?Copy !req
385. - This was the plan!
- I didn't think it would work.Copy !req
386. Are we really saving this guy?
He sucks.Copy !req
387. I hate him, and he's gonna make
us do bad jobsCopy !req
388. for terrible people.
- You think I want this?Copy !req
389. All I want is to do my job
and go home.Copy !req
390. But if we get fired, that's not
gonna help my custody problem.Copy !req
391. Custody problem?Copy !req
392. If you need me to give Robert
a personal tourCopy !req
393. of an industrial thresher,
say the word.Copy !req
394. - No.
- Got it.Copy !req
395. - No, you don't.
- Okay.Copy !req
396. But, I mean, saving Fabian is
the only way we stay together.Copy !req
397. Right?
- We'll figure the rest out,Copy !req
398. but not if we're separated.Copy !req
399. Y'all... y'all are family.Copy !req
400. Oh, my God.
Is this what it's come to?Copy !req
401. Acting responsibly?Copy !req
402. Ugh. Fine.
Let's go save a jerk's life,Copy !req
403. thereby making the world
a worse place.Copy !req
404. Yay for the good guys.Copy !req
405. Should we even do
the competition?Copy !req
406. If you drop out now,
the kidnappers will knowCopy !req
407. something's up and kill Fabian.Copy !req
408. So what's the final event?Copy !req
409. Gonne be hard to top skydiving.Copy !req
410. And now,Copy !req
411. it's time to reveal
the final eventCopy !req
412. of the Clandesti-con
Agent Skills Competition.Copy !req
413. Your final event will beCopy !req
414. King of the Train!Copy !req
415. Holy shit.Copy !req
416. Forget responsibility.
I'm gonna be king of the train.Copy !req
417. Stay on your toes.Copy !req
418. One of us has to win
to keep The Agency alive and...Copy !req
419. Uh, yeah. Whatever.Copy !req
420. I'm gonna be king of the train.
Toot toot!Copy !req
421. Ugh.
Everyone in position?Copy !req
422. Yeah. But this stuff
from the dealer's hallCopy !req
423. isn't the most intimidating.Copy !req
424. I don't even know
what this does.Copy !req
425. Yeah, we're gonna need
a few minutes.Copy !req
426. I'll signal you at the start.Copy !req
427. Chances are,
they'll be distracted watchingCopy !req
428. the closed-circuit feed
of my glorious victory.Copy !req
429. If you touch the groundCopy !req
430. or get hit by a paintball,
you're out.Copy !req
431. You start with no weapons,Copy !req
432. but you may find some
at points on the train,Copy !req
433. as well as a few surprises.Copy !req
434. Now, the time has comeCopy !req
435. to find the most skilled agent
in the world.Copy !req
436. Three. Two. One.Copy !req
437. Begin!Copy !req
438. Shocking.Copy !req
439. Kaboom!Copy !req
440. Ahh!Copy !req
441. Whoa!Copy !req
442. Ahh!Copy !req
443. Ahh!Copy !req
444. Oh, knife light! Now I get it.Copy !req
445. Hold still, Cirque du Suck Ass!Copy !req
446. We're leaving. Nobody move,
or Fabian gets it.Copy !req
447. Do what he says!Copy !req
448. Archer! Duck!Copy !req
449. Ooh.Copy !req
450. Ugh.Copy !req
451. God.
You couldn't just duck?Copy !req
452. You know I have trust issues, Lana,Copy !req
453. which you are
partially responsible for.Copy !req
454. - How?
- I don't know,Copy !req
455. but it feels right!Copy !req
456. Oh, now
she has a jetpack
and a machine gun?Copy !req
457. How is that fair?Copy !req
458. - Still want that jetpack?
- I know you want me to say no,Copy !req
459. but the answer is still yes!Copy !req
460. We need backup!Copy !req
461. They're bringing Fabian
to the floor!Copy !req
462. - Throw me the gun!
- It's empty!Copy !req
463. Just throw it to me!Copy !req
464. Man, this is such a bad idea.Copy !req
465. Whoa!Copy !req
466. Look out!Copy !req
467. Everyone,
this is what we think of IIA.Copy !req
468. Lana. Lana.Copy !req
469. Do something!
Lana, I know you're faking.Copy !req
470. No.
I'm very, very unconscious.Copy !req
471. Why am I always
the responsible one?Copy !req
472. And so I don't shoot Fabian
for me.Copy !req
473. - I shoot him for...
- Ahh!Copy !req
474. What an amazing performance.Copy !req
475. Congratulations
to the king of the train,Copy !req
476. Agent Lana Kane,Copy !req
477. representing The Agency,
a boutique subsidiary of IIA.Copy !req
478. - God damn it.
- Thank you.Copy !req
479. Thank you. You're too kind.Copy !req
480. And great work by The Agency.Copy !req
481. Now, that was obviouslyCopy !req
482. a fake kidnapping
and assassination,Copy !req
483. but they didn't know that.Copy !req
484. In fact, this was
the demonstration portionCopy !req
485. of my talk,
"Leadership as a Network."Copy !req
486. I turned this unruly bunch into
a finely-honed fighting force.Copy !req
487. Sterling Archer himself stepped
between me and a bulletCopy !req
488. despite the fact
that he hates my guts.Copy !req
489. That is the power of leadership.Copy !req
490. Well, thank you allCopy !req
491. for helping me with my speech.Copy !req
492. So who gets to be
head of The Agency?Copy !req
493. I gave away the most brochures. Kaboom.Copy !req
494. Jesus, Cyril. Not the time.Copy !req
495. But it's me, right?
See me lead that mission?Copy !req
496. Actually, it's Agent Gillette.Copy !req
497. So, uh, what?Copy !req
498. Because he understood
the true mission.Copy !req
499. He's been gathering dirt
on all of you for years,Copy !req
500. which he has compiled
in this very convenient binder.Copy !req
501. Like "Pam once snuck a goat
into the office.Copy !req
502. No one knows why."
- I was fostering it.Copy !req
503. And the next week,
she brought inCopy !req
504. goat meat tacos for everyone.Copy !req
505. That goat's personality
was very toxic.Copy !req
506. Well, I'm sure you have
a lot to talk about.Copy !req
507. You backstabbing son of a bitch.Copy !req
508. In my defense, I did not know
he was gonna tell everybody.Copy !req
509. Aww. Heh.Copy !req
510. Look.Copy !req
511. You know, you're good at this, Archer.Copy !req
512. It'll take time, but maybe you
should get more involved.Copy !req
513. You're right.
And, you know,Copy !req
514. I didn't wanna let you win,Copy !req
515. but up there on the train,
I suddenly had this idea...Copy !req
516. Being declared the best agent
in the world.Copy !req
517. That's gotta help
your custody case for AJ.Copy !req
518. And that keeps her in my life.Copy !req
519. Aww. Buddy, that won't affect
the case at all.Copy !req
520. They don't consider
that kind of thing.Copy !req
521. God damn it. That's it!Copy !req
522. I've learned
a very valuable lesson today.Copy !req
523. Making the responsible choice
is for suckers.Copy !req
524. Until now, I've been
the careful, restrained,Copy !req
525. subtle, rule-respecting Archer.Copy !req
526. - What?
- But that is over!Copy !req
527. Welcome to the new Archer.Copy !req
528. I'm gonna go find two bottles
of whiskey, three women,Copy !req
529. a full-color illustrated
edition of the Kama Sutra,Copy !req
530. and six gallons
of orange sports drink.Copy !req
531. I will see you all
when I feel like it,Copy !req
532. In hell!Copy !req
533. God damn it.Copy !req
534. Made in Georgia.Copy !req