1. 10x02 - Happy Borthday
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2. Well, this is another fine mess.
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3. Thanks to your idiot son.
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4. - You're as much to blame as he is.
- Wha... How?
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5. - Exactly.
- Wait, what?
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6. - You heard her!
- Don't yell at her!
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7. - Don't yell at her!
- Don't yell at him!
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8. - What are you doing?
- I don't know!
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9. Guys, come on!
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10. I think we could all
benefit from not yelling!
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11. The only thing
you'd benefit from is an EMP.
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12. Not even as a joke.
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13. Do I look like I'm joking?
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14. I mean, honestly, it's hard to tell
with you, what with that robot face.
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15. - Well, I'm not joking.
- I actually didn't think you were.
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16. Because, meatbag,
I don't think it's funny
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17. when people steal from me.
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18. What...
Is that what this is about?
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19. What'd you think it was about?
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20. Again, hard to tell with you
because of your...
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21. Say "robot face" again,
shitlick.
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22. - ... delivery?
- Oh. You're gonna talk to me about delivery,
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23. - after you stole my cargo?
- I didn't steal it. I still have it.
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24. - You... Where is it?
- On the Seamus.
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25. I was bringing it to you.
Why do you think I'm here?
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26. Wha... Because I captured you?
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27. - Potato, pobobot.
- What?
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28. Look, let me go back to
the ship, I'll get the thing,
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29. bring it back here,
and everything's space-jake.
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30. - Wow.
- Yeah.
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31. You must think I'm pretty stupid.
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32. - Eh.
- How 'bout you tell me where it is?
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33. - In the safe.
- Let me finish.
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34. I send a couple of my guys
to go get it, and...
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35. - Well, send a couple you don't like,
- Let me...
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36. because if they punch in
the wrong combination,
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37. they're gonna be eatinga
20-kiloton burrito for lunch.
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38. - Huh?
- It's got a nuclear self-destruct.
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39. Okay, so then how 'bout you
tell me the right combination?
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40. Well, because I feel like if I did,
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41. I'd no longer be negotiating
from a position of power.
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42. - You think you're in a position of power?
- Eh...
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43. M'kay. Well, I'm gonna
go do this thing with...
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44. - well, to your friends.
- Tell 'em hey.
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45. And I'm while I'm gone,
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46. I'd really like you to give some
thought to telling me the combination.
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47. I feel like I have thought about it.
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48. Well, but you haven't met my buddy...
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49. Funbeak.
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50. - Jesus Hannibal Christ.
- Right?
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51. Say hello, Funbeak.
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52. Hello, Fun-un-unbeak.
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53. You kook.
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54. sync & correction by f1nc0
- Addic7ed.com ~
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55. Okay, I'm looking around
and I'm seeing
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56. some pretty mopey faces.
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57. Yeah, 'cause you're selling us
into slavery down in the spek mines.
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58. - Wait, what?
- Well, not all of you.
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59. - Come again?
- Space phrasing.
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60. Well, thanks to your buddy Bort,
one of you has a chance to go free.
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61. And, hell, I'll even throw in your ship.
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62. - Come on.
- That is our ship.
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63. First of all, that's my ship.
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64. - Half yours.
- Shut up. And...
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65. And who knows?
Maybe you'll win it back.
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66. - Win it back how?
- Oh, man. I was hoping you'd ask that,
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67. because this sets up my big reveal.
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68. - Ah! - Jesus Space Christ.
- Uh... okay.
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69. Holy shit!
It's that dickhead Bort.
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70. Hey. Hey, guys.
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71. Whoever doesn't die,
let's hang out after.
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72. Pretty sweet reveal, huh?
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73. - Gladiator fights? Are you serious?
- Maybe it is my delivery.
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74. Yeah, Bort rented y'all
for his birthday party.
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75. - Rented?
- Unless you die.
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76. - Well, then he's buying you.
- Wait, have we done this before?
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77. - Somebody has.
- Right?
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78. Doesn't matter. Okay, so while I go
check in on Archer's torture sesh,
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79. y'all decide who's gonna fight who.
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80. - Actually, it's "whom."
- I said "whom."
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81. Or not. I don't know.
Bee-boo-boop.
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82. Hey, what do you guys
think about my delivery?
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83. Well, now what
are we supposed to do?
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84. I guess we got to pick
somebody to fight against.
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85. - Aw, man, I can't fight you guys.
- I literally can't.
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86. According to
the First Law of Robotics,
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87. I'm not allowed
to harm a human being.
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88. - I pick Krieger.
- Wha... No way!
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89. - Yes way.
- Cyril.
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90. Shut your fat mouth!
I get Krieger!
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91. - Excuse me?
- I...
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92. No, I mean, come on.
I called dibs.
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93. - Well then, I get Ms. Archer.
- Aw, man.
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94. Well, as much as I'd like
to see you idiots
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95. stomp each other's heads in...
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96. - Perhaps another time.
- Ho-ho.
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97. Where the hell do you
think you're going?
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98. To rescue Sterling
and get off this rock.
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99. - Plus, there has to be a bar around here.
- Oh, no you don't!
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100. - Whoop!
- Ow!
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101. Toodles.
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102. - Okay, I pick you.
- Bring it.
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103. Oh, I will.
I'm bringing extra.
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104. So, Cheryl and Lana,
Cyril and me,
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105. and where does that leave Pam?
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106. As the loneliest gal
at the Monsters' Ball.
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107. Ooh!
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108. Krieger, want to swap with me?
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109. - Yep, yep, yep.
- Wait, what?
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110. Oh, man, this is gonna be so gross.
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111. - What is?
- Cleaning your nuts out
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112. - from between my toes.
- Ew.
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113. Yeah. You better gulp nervously.
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114. - Lana, do something.
- Okay, okay.
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115. Me and Carol,
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116. - Cyril and Krieger...
- Yes.
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117. Then those two winners fight,
and then I guess
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118. Pam gets that winner.
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119. Aw.
We're all winners in my book.
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120. And I guess just try
to make your fights look real,
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121. and maybe that'll
buy us some time
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122. to come up with a plan to
get out of this crazy place.
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123. That's Sterling.
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124. Come on, already!
What are you, hourly?
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125. I am, actually.
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126. Please don't do tha...
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127. Please...
I can't take any more.
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128. But Funbeak
has so much more to give.
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129. That was a joke.
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130. Ha ha ha ha ha.
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131. Listen, listen... listen to me.
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132. You guys seriously
have to work on your delivery.
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133. Funbeak will try again.
Did you hear the one
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134. about the human with no penis?
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135. No.
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136. Wait. Hang on.
Funbeak messed it up.
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137. Uh... hang on.
Uh... o-okay.
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138. So...
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139. - Duh.
- Hey.
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140. - Mother?
- Sterling. Are you all right?
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141. I'm not great.
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142. Who are you
and what are you doing?
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143. Well, I was drinking
a surprisingly good martini,
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144. but now it seems
I'll have to settle for
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145. whipping the ass off
of some robot cereal mascot.
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146. Funbeak will...
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147. destroy you.
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148. Bring it, bird.
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149. Holy shit.
This is literally a dream come true.
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150. Which, unfortunately,
turns super sexual.
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151. Will you quit screwing around?
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152. Oh, you're just jealous.
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153. That you zapped yourself
into the CPU
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154. - of the world's ugliest bird?
- You're crazy. I'm gorgeous.
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155. Will you...
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156. - How we doing, gang?
- Oh, um, uh...
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157. Subject is still uncooperative.
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158. Well, are you zapping
his dick like I told you?
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159. - Yes.
- All right.
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160. - Let me see.
- As you wish.
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161. Whoa, whoa, wait,
no, no, no, no, no, no...
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162. Yeah.
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163. How 'bout it, bud?
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164. Ready to tell me
the combination to the safe?
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165. No.
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166. All right. Well, I'm gonna go
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167. watch his nutwipe buddies
try to kill each other, so...
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168. - Wait, wait, wait. What?
- Yeah, gladiator fights.
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169. Okay, Funbeak, keep it up
with the ol' weenie roast here.
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170. Weenie roast...
that is a good one. LOL.
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171. It was good.
And my delivery's fine.
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172. Okay, now cut me out of here.
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173. First tell me what's in the safe.
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174. In the what? Nothing.
What are you...
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175. - I was just trying to buy some time.
- Uh-huh.
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176. Now let's go find the shuttle
and get the hell out of this dump.
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177. Whoa, wait,
what about the others?
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178. Oh... they'll be fine.
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179. Aah!
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180. Cyril, no, no, no, no, no!
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181. Holy shit.
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182. Ooh. More like Isaac
Assholimov, am I right?
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183. I'm right.
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184. Oh, man. He's cut in half
and still talking smack.
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185. Give it up for him.
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186. Hey, shut up.
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187. Whose birthday is it?
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188. Bort's, exactly.
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189. Okay, put your hands,
tentacles, or cloacas together
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190. for our next contestants,
a couple of furious females,
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191. Carol and Lana!
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192. - What'd I miss?
- Oh, man.
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193. That one dude
cut that other dude...
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194. - look at me... literally in half.
- Sweet.
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195. - Good luck out there.
- Yeah! She's gonna need it!
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196. - Wait, what?
- Come on, man.
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197. You're spilling all my robot milk.
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198. Mother, there's
way too many guards.
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199. - We need to go get the others.
- What we need is a distraction.
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200. - You could do your bird dance.
- You're one to talk.
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201. - How?
- Exactly.
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202. Wait a minute,
this thing's got a radio.
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203. - What if we called Ray?
- Yeah, what if.
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204. Well, couldn't he...
do something?
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205. I don't know. I mean, maybe, if
we could get him on the radio...
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206. - ... and if he wasn't Ray.
- Probably eating all the cake.
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207. So, come on,
let's go get the others.
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208. But if you leave Lana here, you'll
have the ship back all to yourself.
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209. Well, you'd still be there.
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210. - Wh...
- And Ray.
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211. Uh. Such a fatty.
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212. And I don't want
the ship bad enough
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213. for Lana to actually,
you know, die.
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214. - Who says she's gonna die?
- You are gonna die!
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215. Wait, wait, what's going on?
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216. Gladiators, on your marks...
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217. - Wait, wait, hang on.
- Get set.
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218. Whoa...
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219. - Whoa!
- Bitch!
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220. Oh, for the...
Can you believe this?
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221. Right?
I'm not gonna lie,
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222. I've got my species'
equivalent of a boner.
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223. - Ugh.
- Ew.
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224. Shut up.
You can't smell it.
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225. Yes, we can.
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226. Hi-yah!
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227. - Berserker!
- No!
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228. No, what are you... No, no!
No, no, no!
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229. I did not see that coming,
ladies and gentlemen.
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230. I guess it's just anything go...
Oh, my God!
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231. Oh, so you want to play for keeps?
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232. Oh, man, a full-on battle royale.
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233. - This may be the best birthday party ever.
- Bitch!
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234. Or, actually,
maybe the third or fourth
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235. best birthday party ever.
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236. I've never had a birthday party.
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237. - Well, and who would come?
- Wha... What are you guys doing here?
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238. I thought you died or ditched us.
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239. - Oh, now, uh, nobody died.
- Not yet.
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240. Holy space shit.
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241. Someone's gonna
get hurt out there.
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242. - You think?
- He said "someone," not "something."
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243. - Ugh. You know...
- Krieger, shut up.
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244. How are we gonna
get those dickheads
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245. to stop fighting long enough
for all of us to escape?
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246. Hmm.
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247. Ooh.
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248. - Same height, similar build.
- Oh come on, no, that's just...
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249. Just crazy enough to work.
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250. Ugh. And speaking of crazy,
what is that smell?
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251. Oh, damn it.
Did Pam have a boner in here?
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252. Wha... You can smell them?
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253. You-you can't?
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254. This wasn't the plan, you idiot!
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255. - Well, I wasn't paying attention!
- Oh, yeah?
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256. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no...
- Well, how do you like these apples?
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257. I do not like those apples.
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258. Thanks, Barry Six.
This is the best.
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259. I mean, I know we're not
friends or anything,
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260. and I actually... I don't really
have many friends, or any, really...
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261. Yeah, you realize if they kill
each other, you got to pay for 'em.
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262. Totally worth it.
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263. Plus, I got a ton of birthday money.
Thanks, Nana!
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264. - She used to be super hot.
- Nope.
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265. Psst, hey, dummy.
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266. Yeah, you-you ordered
a teabagging?
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267. What in God's name
is a teabagging?
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268. Oh... oh, come on.
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269. - Like you don't know?
- I'm sure I don't.
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270. But I'll bet
it's something disgusting.
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271. - Eh.
- Now, will you go wrangle those idiots
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272. so we can get the hell
out of here?
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273. - Okay, go get Krieger ready to move.
- Or we could leave him.
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274. - Or you.
- All right. Jesus.
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275. So, hey, since he brought it up,
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276. do you have any thoughts
on teabagging?
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277. Uh, cool.
Uh, excuse me.
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278. Are you even serious right now?
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279. Seriously?
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280. Kooch, the undefeated champion,
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281. is taking on four opponents
at a time?
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282. - Did you do this?
- A five-man bunkhouse stampede?
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283. - How and why would I?
- Mm. Okay, folks,
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284. let's make some noise for...
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285. K-K-K-K-Kooch!
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286. Is he serious?
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287. 'Cause my toes only have room
for so much nut-butter.
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288. - Ew.
- Seriously.
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289. - So... temporary truce?
- Ugh. I guess.
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290. Okay, dickbag.
You ready to party?
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291. No, wait, wait, wait.
Guys, it's me...
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292. - Archer?
- What?
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293. - Hey, uh, what are they doing?
- Yeah, what are they doing?
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294. Don't stop. We got to
act like we're fighting
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295. - while I tell you my plan.
- Well, what's the plan?
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296. - We're gonna run for it.
- Excuse me?
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297. Well, first we get
Krieger and Mother,
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298. and then we're just gonna
haul ass to the gig,
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299. smashing and slashing
anyone who gets in our...
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300. Oh. Oh, okay.
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301. Yeah, I guess they're not
acting suspicious.
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302. And also: whaaat?
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303. - Ow!
- That's your plan?
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304. I'm sorry.
Did you have a... Ow!
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305. Damn it, will you quit
smashing me... Ow!
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306. Goddamn... Ow!
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307. Wow.
Fame is a fickle mistress, huh?
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308. Wait a minute, hang on.
He's right.
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309. - Huh?
- Wait, what?
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310. What other choice do we have?
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311. If we stay here,
we're as good as dead.
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312. Which, serve you right, by the way.
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313. So, how do we even do this?
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314. Yeah, see?
I mean, just like that,
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315. they're cheering
for the other guys, like...
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316. Wait a minute...
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317. No, no, no, no, no, that's Archer!
Move, Nana!
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318. Well, why do
I have to carry him?
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319. - Because look at you.
- Look at you.
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320. - Why are you a bird?
- Why are you a rockslide with tits?
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321. - Burn. Ow.
- Shut up.
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322. - Can we go?
- Damn it. It's my plan, I'm the group leader.
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323. Archeeer!
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324. And I say let's go!
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325. Aah! Move!
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326. Still my fourth-best birthday.
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327. Mm, third.
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328. Mother!
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329. Calm down.
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330. Let's go.
Let's go, come on.
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331. - Goddamn it, I'm the group leader!
- Yeah, way to lead, buddy.
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332. Archer!
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333. Eat dicks, Barry Six.
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334. Friggin' Bort.
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335. So, uh, listen, uh,
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336. I know things got
a little heated down there,
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337. and maybe we said and did some things
that we wish we could take back,
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338. but I hope we can put
all that behind us and...
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339. Sterling stole something
from Barry Six and it's
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340. in the safe, so this whole
idiotic fiasco was his fault.
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341. - Archer!
- Busted, Archer!
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342. - Archer, come on.
- Well, Mother... touched my penis.
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343. Yeah. Since we're
playing the blame game.
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344. So just picture Mother's
big old nasty bird claw
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345. touching my cock.
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346. - What the...
- Uh-oh.
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347. - Oh, God, gross!
- Jesus Space Christ.
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348. - God damn it.
- Well...
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349. that's our Pam!
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350. - What the hell are you doing?
- Freeze frame.
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351. sync & correction by f1nc0
- Addic7ed.com ~
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