1. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
WARNER BROS.
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2. GENTLEMEN, THERE'S A CHANCE
THIS WILL WORK!
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3. ACTUALLY, SIR, THERE'S
NO CHANCE THIS WILL WORK.
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4. FOOL!
THAT WILL NEVER WORK!
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5. IT DOESN'T MATTER,
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6. 'CAUSE I'M NOT
CLEANING UP THIS HALLWAY.
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7. BUT IT'S ALL
YOUR BULLCRAP HERE,
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8. ALL THEM BATTLESTAR
EARTHBLASTER DRINK CUPS.
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9. DON'T YOU TOUCH THOSE!
THEY'RE IN MINT CONDITION,
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10. AND THEY'RE GONNA
STAY THAT WAY.
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11. I'LL TOUCH THEM ALL
THE WAY TO THE TRASHCAN.
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12. YOU TOUCH THOSE,
AND YOUR G.I. JOES
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13. ARE GONNA BE M.I.A.,
MY FRIEND.
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14. AND THEN WHO'S GONNA CALL
LITTLE MAMA JOE
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15. AND TELL HER THAT HER BOY
AIN'T COMING HOME
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16. 'CAUSE SOMEBODY WAS ASLEEP
ON GUARD DUTY?
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17. WELL, WHAT'S THIS?
A TREASURE MAP.
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18. TREASURE?
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19. CAN I HOLD IT, PLEASE?
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20. WOW! THERE'S TREASURE
UNDER ALL THESE X's?
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21. YEAH. OBVIOUSLY.
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22. AMAZING! THESE ARE
THE SAME EXACT SPOTS
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23. WHERE YOU WANTED ME TO PLANT
THOSE DISGUSTING AZALEA BUSHES.
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24. WOW. ARE YOU SERIOUS?
WELL, I GUESS YOU BETTER GO.
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25. HEY, IF ANYONE CALLS ME,
I'M GONNA BE OUTSIDE...
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26. WITH THE SHOVEL,
SUCKER.
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27. NO, YOU DON'T!
THAT BULLION IS MINE!
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28. LOOK, DON'T DIG ANY FURTHER
THAN 12 TO 14 INCHES.
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29. SHUT UP.
YOU DON'T KNOW.
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30. YOU JUST STAY HERE
AND GUARD
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31. MY "BATTLEFIELD EARTH"
CUPS,
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32. ESPECIALLY TURTLE!
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33. LOOK AT HIM.
HE'S DUMB AS HELL.
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34. HE SURE IS.
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35. I'M DUMB, TOO.
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36. I MEAN, YOU KNEW THAT,
THOUGH, YEAH?
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37. BECAUSE I DID SEND OUT
A PRESS RELEASE.
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38. I ATE A BUNCH OF THEM.
I'M DUMB. DUMB.
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39.
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40. NO! NO! MILKSHAKE!
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41. I KNOW.
THE STUPID PIRATES
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42. MUST HAVE BURIED
A GAS LINE DOWN THERE.
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43. I TOLD YOU, 14 INCHES!
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44. YOU TELL ME
A LOT OF THINGS,
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45. BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN
I HAVE TO LISTEN. AAH!
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46. SHAKE, SHAKE, ARE YOU
ALL RIGHT DOWN THERE?
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47. GET ME OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!
I'M GONNA DIE! THERE'S MONSTERS!
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48. SHAKE, SHAKE,
CALM DOWN. SHAKE.
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49. DRACULA'S GRABBING MY LEG!
IT'S A ZOMBIE! I FEEL IT!
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50. LOOK, SHAKE, THERE'S
NO MONSTERS DOWN THERE, OK?
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51. YOU JUST HIT
A SINKHOLE OR SOMETHING.
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52. OK.
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53. YOU STAY RIGHT THERE.
I'LL GO GET A FLASHLIGHT.
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54. NO, I GOT IT.
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55. HOLY CRAP IN A PITA!
MONSTERS! AAH!
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56. Evil voice: HEY.
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57. WHO SAID THAT?
YOU'RE ALL DEAD.
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58. NOBODY CAN TALK
IF THEY'RE DEAD.
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59. COME TO ME
AND TASTE THE FUTURE.
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60. TASTE WHAT?
HEY, FREE SANDWICH!
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61. BUT BEWARE.
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62. BUT YOU JUST
TOLD ME—
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63. LOOK, I'M 1,000 OLD.
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64. I KNOW WHAT I SAID.
BEWARE.
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65. YEAH, YOU BEWARE.
I'M EATING THIS.
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66. HEY! WHOA! WHERE
THE HELL IS THIS?
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67. YOU'LL KNOW... IN TIME.
HEH HEH HEH!
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68. THE QUESTION IS,
WILL I CARE? PROBABLY NOT.
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69. SHAKE? SHAKE!
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70. JUST LEAVE HIM. HE'S...
WAIT A MINUTE.
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71. I SMELL ME
SOME MIGHTY GOOD CHOW.
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72. UH! OH, MY GOD. SHAKE?
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73. OH, MY GOD!
FRYLOCK, WHAT?
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74. WHY'S EVERYTHING GOT TO BE
A FEDERAL CASE WITH YOU?
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75. YEAH, YOU HEARD
WHAT I SAID. I SAID IT.
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76. WHERE DID ALL THESE
SKULLS COME FROM?
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77. THEY'RE GUARDING THIS
SANDWICH. NOW LET'S GO.
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78. OH, MY GOD. THAT IS
NO ORDINARY SANDWICH, SHAKE.
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79. OH, MY GOD. DO YOU EVER
HAVE ANYTHING GOOD TO SAY?
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80. IT'S A FREE SANDWICH.
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81. IT'S NOT A SANDWICH
AT ALL, SHAKE.
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82. IT'S THE BROODWICH.
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83. THE BLUE WITCH?
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84. NO, THE BROODWICH,
MEATWAD! BROODWICH!
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85. WAIT. WAIT. SAY WHAT?
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86. BROODWICH!
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87. THE BLAIR WITCH IS HERE?
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88. NO, MEATWAD.
THE BROODWICH.
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89. I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT IT IS, FRIENDS.
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90. IT'S SHUT UP
AND LET ME EAT IT.
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91. I READ A VERY DISTURBING
ARTICLE ABOUT THIS SANDWICH...
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92. IN THE BIBLE.
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93. Evil voice: NO, YOU PROBABLY
SAW A PIECE IN VOGUE.
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94. I DOUBT IT.
I DON'T READ THAT.
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95. HEIDI KLUM
WAS ON THE COVER.
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96. YOU KNOW,
THE BROODWICH ISSUE.
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97. OK, YES, IT WAS VOGUE.
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98. YOU READ ALL THIS
IN VOGUE?
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99. Evil voice: OUR P.R.
DEPARTMENT IS AWESOME.
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100. THAT'S
A GIRL MAGAZINE!
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101. I HOPE YOU WERE AT
THE DENTIST'S, FRYLOCK.
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102. IT JUST COMES
TO THE HOUSE. I DIDN'T—
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103. OF COURSE IT COMES...
WHEN YOU ORDER IT,
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104. YOU BIG, FAT LADY!
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105. SOMEONE DOWN THERE
IS A GIRL.
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106. EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP
ABOUT THE VOGUE THING, OK?
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107. I'LL PLANT
THESE BUSHES NOW.
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108. LISTEN, ACCORDING
TO THE VOGUE PIECE,
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109. THE BROODWICH
IS IMMORTAL.
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110. IT CANNOT BE KILLED
OR TAKEN APART,
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111. BUT AS LONG AS YOU DON'T
INGEST IT, YOU'LL BE OK.
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112. DON'T TALK
WHILE MY MOUTH IS FULL.
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113. WHOA!
HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?
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114. ARE YOU THE GUY THAT KEEPS
TELLING ME TO BEWARE?
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115. BECAUSE I'LL TELL YOU
WHERE TO BE—
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116. OUT OF MY SIGHT.
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117. Evil voice: BEWARE!
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118. OH, WHAT DO YOU GOT?
A SOUND GUY OR SOMETHING?
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119. OH, THAT'S A GOOD TRICK.
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120. I'M JUST GONNA GO NOW.
OH, MY GOD!
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121. GET AWAY FROM ME!
LEAVE ME—
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122. I'M COOL. YEAH,
WE'RE ALL COOL HERE.
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123. Evil voice:
I TOLD YOU... BEWARE.
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124. WHO ARE YOU?
WHAT IS THIS?
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125. IT IS THE BROODWICH,
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126. FORGED IN DARKNESS FROM WHEAT
HARVESTED IN HELL'S HALF-ACRE,
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127. BAKED BY BEEZELBUB,
SLATHERED WITH MAYONNAISE
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128. BEATEN FROM
THE EVIL EGGS
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129. OF DARK CHICKEN FORCES
INTO SAUCE
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130. BY THE HANDS
OF A ONE-EYED MADMAN,
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131. CHEESE BOILED FROM
THE RANCID TEAT OF A FANGED COW,
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132. LAYERED WITH 666 SEPARATE MEATS
FROM AN ANIMAL
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133. WHICH HAS MAGGOTS
FOR BLOOD.
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134. SEE? TOLD YOU.
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135. I TASTED MUSTARD.
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136. YEAH, DIJON MUSTARD.
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137. WELL, HOW COME NO BACON?
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138. Evil voice: BACON IS EXTRA.
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139. YOU CALL THIS
A SANDWICH?
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140. YOU DON'T HAVE
BACON ON IT!
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141. THERE ARE NO SWINE
EVIL ENOUGH
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142. TO SACRIFICE
UPON A BED OF EVIL!
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143. AND LETTUCE.
BED OF EVIL AND LETTUCE.
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144. I WILL SAY THIS.
BACON ASIDE, THIS IS
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145. THE BEST
DAMN SANDWICH
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146. I'VE EVER HAD
IN MY LIFE.
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147. EAT ALL OF IT, AND YOU
WILL SUFFER THE WRATH.
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148. I MEAN, I DON'T HAVE
TO EAT THE WHOLE THING.
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149. I COULD SAVE A QUARTER.
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150. I SUPPOSE YOU COULD.
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151. BECAUSE THE THING IS,
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152. I DON'T LIKE CRUST
ON THE BREAD.
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153. NOW A LOT OF PEOPLE DO,
BUT NOT ME.
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154. I USUALLY CUT IT OFF
RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING,
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155. ESPECIALLY IF IT'S HARD.
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156. THE HARD CRUST, IT HURTS
THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH.
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157. YOU'RE BORING ME NOW.
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158. UH, SAY, SINCE HE'S
THE CHOSEN ONE AND WE'RE NOT,
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159. COULD WE JUST SORT OF
COVER THIS BACK UP
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160. AND PLANT
SOME AZALEAS HERE?
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161. SURE.
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162. OK. COME ON, SHAKE.
YOU'RE GONNA DIE.
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163. LET GO.
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164. WHO ARE Y'ALL
TALKING TO DOWN THERE?
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165. IT'S A SANDWICH—
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166. 2 PIECES OF BREAD
AND SOME MEAT.
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167. AND IT DOESN'T EVEN
HAVE BACON ON IT.
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168. I DON'T NEED IT.
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169. I GOT IT LICKED.
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170. AND I WOULD LIKE
TO LICK THAT SANDWICH.
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171. JUST A LITTLE FLAVOR,
JUST A LITTLE TASTE IN MY MOUTH.
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172. Evil voice:
WHAT'S GOING ON?
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173. SHAKE, GET RID
OF THE DAMN SANDWICH.
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174. IF YOU KEEP IT HERE,
YOU'RE GONNA EAT IT,
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175. AND THEN YOU'RE GONNA DIE.
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176. NO, I WON'T.
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177. I DON'T NEED
A STUPID SANDWICH.
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178. I DON'T NEED THE SANDWICH.
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179. I NEED THIS LADDER.
EXCUSE ME, PLEASE.
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180. I NEED TO EAT
THIS SANDWICH RIGHT NOW.
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181. I'M NOT GONNA EAT
THE WHOLE THING.
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182. SEE? OH, GOD!
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183. OK, LOOK.
THIS IS IRRITATING.
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184. IT'S THE BROODWICH, SHAKE.
YOU'RE CHOSEN.
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185. I HAVEN'T PAID TAXES
IN 6 YEARS.
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186. I'M NOT GETTING BUSTED
BY A SANDWICH.
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187. Evil voice: THEN YOU MUST FIND
ANOTHER WITH AN APPETITE...
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188. FOR INSANITY.
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189. HEY. YOU'RE DUMB.
EAT THIS.
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190. I HEARD WHAT THAT VOICE SAID.
I AIN'T EATING JACK.
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191. YOU'RE GONNA LET
THIS GUY SCARE YOU?
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192. HOW BAD COULD IT
POSSIBLY BE?
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193. Evil voice:
IT'S A WORLD OF SKINLESS,
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194. BLOOD-SOAKED NIGHTMARES
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195. CLATTERING FROM THE DEEP
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196. AND CLATTERING FOR
THE MEAT OF THE GUILTY.
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197. OH, COME ON.
THE GUY'S JUST JEALOUS.
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198. GO ON.
WOOF IT DOWN, DOG.
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199. I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN,
IS THE MAYONNAISE FAT-FREE?
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200. YOU'RE A DOG.
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201. 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW,
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202. IT'S NOT THE CALORIES
THAT GET YOU, MAN.
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203. IT'S THE SATURATED FATS.
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204. WOOF IT, YOU MUTT.
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205. MEATWAD, NO!
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206. HEY, DID YOU HEAR
WHAT I CALLED HIM?
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207. HE CAN'T DO JACK
ABOUT IT.
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208. HEY, HOW DID YOU
LIKE MR. STICKS?
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209. HE WAS A REAL
TREAT, WASN'T HE?
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210. YEAH, JERRY SAID YOU GUYS
HAD A LITTLE RUN-IN,
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211. BUT HE'S A DECENT GUY... I MEAN,
ONCE YOU GET TO KNOW HIM.
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212. BULLCRAP!
I KNOW THAT GUY
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213. WAS ALL OVER YOU
WITH HIS AX.
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214. NO, THAT DON'T SOUND
LIKE JERRY.
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215. NOW THE JERRY I KNOW
TOOK ME TO MERRY CHRISTMAS...
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216. WHICH IS A STRIP CLUB.
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217. MERRY TRIPLE-XMAS.
YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?
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218. GIVE ME THAT SANDWICH!
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219. WOW. SO YOU SAYING
IT WAS FUN?
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220. HELL, NO. THAT SON OF A BITCH
HAD AN AX.
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221. SO I DON'T KNOW.
SHE'S, LIKE,
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222. "MOVE YOUR
SKULLS TO THE BASEMENT
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223. BECAUSE I GOT
THESE DRAPES."
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224. I DON'T EVEN GET THAT.
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225. I'M LIKE, "HONEY,
THIS IS WORK."
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226. ARE YOU SERIOUS?
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227. YEAH, I CAN'T PUT THEM
IN THE BASEMENT.
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228. I MEAN... AND SHE'S LIKE,
YOU KNOW,
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229. "CAN YOU PUT
A TARP OVER THEM ALSO?"
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230. AND I JUST FELT LIKE, NO,
I'M NOT. DAMN IT.
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231. I GOT ONE AT HOME
JUST LIKE IT, MAN.
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232. YOU KNOW, AND I GOT
A KID NOW, AND SO...
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233. WELL, THAT'S A WHOLE OTHER
SET OF BULLI'M SURE.
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234. RIGHT. SO CATHY PUTS
THE CO-SLEEPER
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235. RIGHT NEXT TO
MY PRESERVED BRAIN COLLECTION,
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236. AND SHE WANTS ME
TO MOVE THEM
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237. BECAUSE SHE THINKS
IT'S NOT HYGIENIC.
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238. I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THERE'S
SUCH A LACK OF APPRECIATION
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239. FOR THAT BACKLIGHT
COMING THROUGH THE GLASS
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240. OF THE JARS
THAT THE BRAINS ARE IN.
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241. AND IT JUST LOOKS COOL.
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242. YOU'VE SEEN THAT?
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243. WHY MOVE IT?
THAT'S THE POINT
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244. OF PUTTING IT
NEXT TO THE WINDOW.
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245. AND I'M SURE YOU'VE
EXPLAINED THAT TO CATHY,
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246. BUT SHE OBVIOUSLY
DOESN'T GET IT.
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247. THERE'S NO, YOU KNOW. I CAN'T
EVEN ARGUE WITH HER.
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248. IT'S RIDICULOUS.
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249. SO IF I WANT TO MOVE—
HEY, ISN'T THAT THAT GUY?
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250. WHAT'S WITH
THE TOILET SEAT, RIGHT?
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251. OH, WHAT THE—
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252. JERRY, NO! WE'RE COOL!
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253. IT'S COOL, MAN!
WE'RE COOL!
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254. SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE!
HEY.
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255. WHERE'S THE REST
OF THE SANDWICH?
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256. WELL, I GUESS I ATE IT.
AND I'M STILL HERE?
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257. HEY, VICTORY IS MINE!
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258. Evil voice: BUT WHAT ABOUT
THE SUN-DRIED TOMATOES?
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259. YUCK!
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260. YEAH, I PICKED THEM OFF,
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261. 'CAUSE
THEY'RE DISGUSTING.
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262. THE BROODWICH CANNOT BE
TAKEN APART OR DISASSEMBLED!
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263. OBVIOUSLY IT CAN, 'CAUSE
THAT'S WHAT I DID.
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264. WELL, YOU BETTER
PUT THEM RIGHT BACK.
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265. PUT THEM BACK WHERE?
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266. I ATE THE SANDWICH.
IT'S GONE.
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267. LOOK. THEY'RE GOOD.
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268. YEAH, YOU KEEP
TELLING ME THAT.
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269. THEY'RE NOT.
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270. HOW ABOUT YOU?
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271. UH... NO, THANKS.
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272. NO, THANK YOU. I'M FULL.
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273. FINE! DON'T EAT IT.
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274. IS HE GONE?
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275. I DON'T KNOW.
HE'S A VOICE.
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276. WHERE IS HE?
IS HE IN THEM RAISINS?
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277. I DON'T KNOW!
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278. I'M OUT OF HERE.
WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.
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279. Evil voice: CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU PASSED THE TEST.
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280. YOU FENDED OFF THE LAST
TEMPTATION OF THE BROODWICH.
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281. REALLY?
HEY, WHAT DO I WIN?
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282. HELL, NO,
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283. I'M NOT MARRYING
THIS BAG OF BONES!
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284. Evil voice: SERIOUSLY?
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285. YES, SERIOUSLY.
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286. ALL RIGHT.
CONGRATULATIONS!
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287. I KNOW THAT I SAID
THE LAST ONE WAS IT,
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288. BUT THAT WAS THE LAST TEMPTATION
OF THE BROODWICH.
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289. YOU PASSED AGAIN.
YOU'RE SOMETHING ELSE.
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290. YES, I AM.
WHAT DO I WIN NOW?
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291. FREE BRAIN SURGERY!
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292. THAT'S WHAT
I'M TALKING ABOUT, BABY!
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293. HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
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294. Evil voice: NOW EAT THEM.
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295. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
WARNER BROS.
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296. CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE —www.ncicap.org—
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