Aqua Teen Hunger Force 1x17

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As a Christmas present to themselves, Shake and Carl split the cost of a mail-order bride from Russia. Unfortunately, once she gets a look at her new "husbands" she freaks out and locks herself in Carl's house, leaving Carl stuck outside.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

2. TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

3. GENTLEMEN!

4. MERRY CHRISTMAS...

5. TO YOU!

6. YAY! THANKS, DOC!

7. WOW, THAT'S SO SWEET.

8. - COME ON - OUT OF THAT CAGE,

9. - LET ME GIVE YOU - A BIG OL' HUG!

10. - AAH!

11. OH, YEAH!

12. TAKE IT TO THE BANK, DADDY!

13. SANTA'S COMING

14. TONIGHT, MEATWAD,

15. - SO I REALLY NEED - YOUR CHRISTMAS LIST.

16. - AND IF YOU'VE BEEN - A GOOD BOY THIS YEAR...

17. - HERE. - YOU MIGHT - JUST GET...

18. THIS... UH...

19. L-SHAPED THING.

20. NUH-UH.

21. WHAT THAT IS,

22. IS A HAIR-DRYER.

23. YOU WANT

24. YEAH.

25. A HAIR-DRYER?

26. FOR WHAT?

27. - YOU DON'T - HAVE... - KEEP LOOKING.

28. - NEXT TO - THE HAIR-DRYER.

29. - THIS IS - A SQUIGGLE.

30. NO, THAT'S HAIR.

31. YOU READ IT BACKWARDS, FOOL.

32. SO, GO GET IT.

33. COME ON, MEATWAD.

34. - I MEAN, DON'T YOU - WANT SOME TOYS OR...

35. I'M NOT SAYING

36. DON'T GET ME ANY TOYS.

37. BUT I NEED THAT HAIR.

38. OTHERWISE, NO ONE'S

39. GONNA TAKE ME SERIOUSLY,

40. - SEE WHAT I'M SAYING? - OK.

41. OK. I'LL TALK TO SANTA

42. AND SEE WHAT I CAN DO.

43. YES, YOU WILL.

44. - Master Shake: - WAIT! DON'T GO ANYWHERE!

45. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR PRINTER?

46. - OH, WELL, SOMETIMES - WITH LARGER DOCUMENTS,

47. IT CAN GET... HOLY HELL!

48. YEAH, TELL ME ABOUT IT.

49. I COULD CHISEL IT

50. INTO ROCK FASTER THAN THIS.

51. "MAIL-ORDER BRIDE

52. FROM CHECHNYA"?

53. AH, DON'T WORRY.

54. SEE, I GOT THAT ONE COVERED.

55. IT'S MY GIFT TO ME...

56. FROM ME, FOR BEING

57. SUCH A GOOD BOY THIS YEAR.

58. YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?

59. - ALL, RIGHT, - WELL... - WOO!

60. - I'M GOING TO THE MALL - TO SEE WHAT I CAN DO WITH THIS.

61. BUT, BOY. I HOPE I DON'T

62. GET TOO MUCH SUN IN MY EYES.

63. I MEAN, EVER SINCE I

64. LOST MY SHADES, YOU KNOW.

65. THOSE COOL WRAP-AROUNDS.

66. THEY'RE ON SALE, I THINK.

67. THEY'RE PRETTY CHEAP.

68. - WHY ARE YOU - WASTING MY TIME?

69. - WILL YOU GET OUT - OF HERE?

70. JUST GO, MAN, GO!

71. OH, MAN, I CANNOT WAIT.

72. I GOT THE OILS,

73. THE CANDLES, THE WORKS!

74. - WHEN DOES - THAT BABE GET HERE?

75. CARL, DON'T REFER TO HER

76. AS A BABE, PLEASE.

77. SHE IS

78. A CHECHNIAN PROSTITUTE,

79. - AND YOU WILL - ADDRESS HER AS SUCH.

80. WELL, DON'T CASH

81. THAT CHECK IMMEDIATELY.

82. - I MEAN, - I WANNA MAKE SURE

83. THAT BOTH OF US

84. YOU KNOW, LEGAL.

85. MARRYING HER'S GONNA BE,

86. - OF COURSE IT IS! - WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

87. - SANTA CLAUS AIN'T LEGAL, - AND HE'S AROUND!

88. YEAH, WELL, I GUESS

89. YOU KNOW.

90. THAT MAKES SENSE,

91. - OF COURSE, - IT MAKES SENSE! - LOOK, CARL.

92. YOU JUST GO HOME,

93. AND YOUR FEET,

94. WASH YOUR FACE

95. SHAVE YOUR SHOULDERS,

96. TO MY HOUSE TONIGHT.

97. AND YOU COME ON OVER

98. - SHE'LL BE - COOKING FOR ME!

99. OH, NO, BUDDY!

100. SHE'S DOING TONIGHT...

101. THE ONLY COOKING

102. - CARL, STOP WHERE YOU ARE! - I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY.

103. - YOU'RE GONNA MAKE - SOME LEWD REFERENCE

104. TO COOKING

105. BEING LIKE SEX!

106. BUT YOU AND I KNOW THAT

107. LIKE FAJITA MEAT!

108. SHE WILL BE SIZZLING

109. CARL! CARL, PLEASE!

110. HA HA HA!

111. - UH-OH. - OH BOY, THAT'S ROTTEN.

112. I'LL TAKE A LITTLE SHOWER

113. BEFORE THE "DIRTINESS."

114. - YEAH, WHY DON'T - YOU TAKE ABOUT 5 MORE?

115. WHILE YOU'RE AT IT,

116. A SHIRT WITH SLEEVES,

117. WHY DON'T YOU TRY

118. IF YOU GOT ONE, ROMEO!

119. WE'RE WALKING

120. DOWN THAT AISLE!

121. YEAH! TONIGHT!

122. - Meatwad: YEAH, - LOOK AT THEM ORNAMENTS, SHOOT.

123. I USED HOT GLUE ON THEM.

124. SO, THEY'RE STUCK FOREVER.

125. YEAH. THANK GOD.

126. SO, IT CAN BE LIKE CHRISTMAS

127. THE WHOLE YEAR ROUND.

128. WHAT!

129. WHAT IS THIS?

130. - I TELL YA, I LEAVE - YOU FOR TWO SECONDS,

131. AND YOU TURN THIS HOUSE

132. CHRISTMAS DUMPSTER!

133. INTO YOUR PERSONAL

134. - BUT THIS IS - OUR CHRISTMAS TREE!

135. LOOK!

136. - I GOT US A REAL TREE - THIS YEAR, OK?

137. NOW, STACK THEM UP

138. YOU LITTLE VANDAL!

139. AND PUSH THEM TOGETHER,

140. WE GOTTA BE TOP SHELF

141. TONIGHT!

142. OH! THAT'S HER!

143. LOOK MERRY, DAMMIT!

144. SPEAK ENGLISH,

145. BABY?

146. OOH, AHH, OH,

147. YOU'RE SO HOT!

148. - CARL, WOULD YOU - GET AWAY FROM HER?

149. - YOU'RE GONNA - FREAK HER OUT.

150. LOOK AT HER,

151. SH-SHE'S SO HOT!

152. HA HA, OH, GOD.

153. MR. SHAKE?

154. - YEAH, THAT'S MY NAME, - NOW FIX MY DINNER!

155. HEY, I PAID HALF, TOO!

156. YOU LET HER CHOOSE!

157. PIZZA BURGER!

158. - SEE, IT'S A FREE COUNTRY, - BABY! COME OVER HERE!

159. - DON'T LOOK AT HIM, - I'M THE GUY!

160. COME OVER HERE!

161. I'M HUNGRY!

162. - SHE AIN'T COMING - ALL THIS WAY

163. - TO DO THAT - IN AMERICA!

164. - NOW, WE'RE - CIVILIZED PEOPLE HERE!

165. HERE, HONEY.

166. JUST PUT THIS ON AND SHAKE.

167. HEY! YOU SPEAK

168. ENGLISH HERE!

169. WE'RE AMERICAN NOW!

170. HEY! DON'T BE

171. A SORE LOSER, NOW!

172. YOU... YOU'LL GET HER...

173. WHEN I'M DONE WITH HER!

174. HA HA HA! HEY!

175. HEY. HEY, OP...

176. OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR!

177. OH, HOLD IT.

178. JUST ABOUT THERE.

179. MERRY CHRISTMAS,

180. MEATWAD!

181. AW, SHOOT.

182. WELL, I'LL GO GET

183. THE GLUE GUN.

184. - OH! DID YOU JUST - HEAR THAT?

185. ON THE ROOF?

186. SANTA'S HERE!

187. PRETEND LIKE

188. YOU'RE ASLEEP!

189. DON'T JUST STAND ON IT, NOW.

190. - YOU NEED TO HOLD IT. - IT'S VIBRATING.

191. I GOT IT, CHUBBY.

192. AT ONCE.

193. I CAN DO TWO THINGS

194. NO, YOU CAN'T!

195. - HUEY LEWIS IS - MAKING A COMEBACK?

196. PUT THE MAGAZINE DOWN

197. AND HOLD IT WITH YOUR HANDS!

198. I'M SERIOUS!

199. CALM DOWN!

200. YOU'LL BE FINE!

201. - MEATWAD, YOU CAN - PRETEND TO GET UP NOW.

202. SURE, THAT WAS

203. A GOOD SLEEP THAT I HAD.

204. - WHERE ARE - THE DAMN PRESENTS?

205. - IT'S THE MIDDLE - OF THE DAY, MEATWAD.

206. THAT WASN'T SANTA CLAUS, OK?

207. - WELL, YOU KNOW, - MAYBE, SANTA'S JUST - SORT OF GETTING

208. - A JUMP-START ON THINGS - THIS YEAR,

209. - 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, - STATISTICS,

210. THEY SHOW THAT

211. IN THE WORLD TODAY.

212. THERE ARE MORE CHILDREN

213. THAT'S CHINA'S FAULT.

214. - WHERE DO YOU GET - THIS INFORMATION?

215. REGIS.

216. OH! DAMMIT!

217. YOU'RE ALL RIGHT!

218. - NO, DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME. - I FELL TWO STORIES!

219. I'M FINE.

220. GOOD.

221. YOUR SIDE OF THE LAWN.

222. BECAUSE IT DID HAPPEN ON

223. - HEY, SHUT UP! - THERE SHE IS!

224. - SHE'S LOOKING - AT US! - HEY!

225. YOU GET RIGHT

226. SOME SAUSAGES!

227. DOWN HERE AND BOIL ME

228. - DON'T... DON'T SCARE - HER AWAY! B-BABY!

229. HEY, LOOK WHAT

230. I HURT MY NECK!

231. I DID FOR YOU!

232. - YOU KNOW - I LOVE YOU! - WE!

233. WE LOVE YOU!

234. WE'RE AMERICANS!

235. SHUT UP, CUP!

236. YEAH!

237. IT'S WORKING!

238. YEAH, I MAY HAVE LAID IT ON

239. A LITTLE THICK THERE, BUT, UH...

240. - I THINK I MAY - HAVE SWEET-TALKED HER

241. INTO COMING DOWN HERE.

242. - AW, CRAP! - WELL, I GUESS

243. - I CAN GO HOME - AND LOOK FORWARD TO

244. - STARVING TO DEATH - FOR CHRISTMAS.

245. - WAIT! - WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

246. - I THINK I NEED - SOME HELP HERE!

247. YEAH,

248. YOU GET BACK HERE!

249. I KNOW YOU DO.

250. CAN I OPEN A PRESENT?

251. WELL, SURE.

252. WHY NOT?

253. IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE.

254. BECAUSE I AIN'T

255. GOT NO PRESENTS.

256. THAT'S WHY NOT.

257. OH, WELL,

258. SANTA HASN'T COME YET.

259. WELL, THAT OLD FAT MAN

260. BETTER GET HIS ASS IN GEAR!

261. - 'CAUSE I AIN'T GOT - NOTHING UNDER THIS TREE,

262. AND I WANT THAT TOY TRAIN!

263. - I THOUGHT - YOU WANTED HAIR!

264. - HAIR? - HA HA HA! NO.

265. TOY TRAIN NOW.

266. IF SANTA GIVES ME SOME HAIR,

267. WHERE DO YOU THINK

268. IT CAME FROM?

269. IT CAME FROM AN ELF'S HEAD.

270. THAT'S WHAT REGIS SAYS.

271. - LOOK! LET'S JUST TALK - ABOUT THIS AFTER WE EAT.

272. - YOU'RE OUT - OF YOUR MIND IF YOU THINK

273. - I'M WEARING - A SHOCK OF ELF HAIR!

274. - WELL, THERE AIN'T GONNA BE - NO DINNER THIS YEAR.

275. - WHAT HAPPENED - TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND?

276. - I THOUGHT - SHE WAS GONNA COOK?

277. CO-FIANCE!

278. IT RIGHT, PLEASE?

279. WOULD YOU GET

280. CO?

281. - YEAH, CO! - I SAID IT!

282. I SPLIT HER WITH CARL,

283. SO HE'S CO-OWNER.

284. - GET IT? - YOU'RE DEPRAVED.

285. I KNOW! THANK YOU!

286. AND I THINK SHE SEES

287. THAT QUALITY IN ME,

288. BUT THAT CARL IS

289. SO DAMNED SELFISH.

290. CARL SHOULD REMEMBER

291. THE REASON FOR THE SEASON.

292. YEAH, THE REASON

293. FOR THE SEASON IS PLEASIN'!

294. - AND I HAVEN'T GOTTEN - TOO MUCH PLEASIN'!

295. AND CARL HAD BETTER

296. GET HIS ASS WITH THE PROGRAM.

297. W-W-WHAT PROGRAM, CUP?

298. - OH, HEY, CARL! - HOW YA DOING?

299. - BOY, THAT'S - A BEAUTIFUL TREE, THERE.

300. - WELL, YOU NEED - TO SEE IT LIT UP.

301. - HERE. LET ME - PLUG HER IN.

302. OH, MAN.

303. PERFECT.

304. NOW, YOU CAN KEEP THEM.

305. - HEY, FRY-MAN, - YOU THINK I COULD GET YOU

306. - TO BRING YOUR - LASER EYES OUT HERE

307. AND BLOW A FRICKIN' HOLE

308. IN MY WALL?

309. WHAT'S WRONG, CARL?

310. WELL, FOR STARTERS,

311. SHE'S BARRICADED HERSELF

312. INSIDE MY HOUSE.

313. AND EVERY TIME I KNOCK,

314. SHE SCREAMS AT ME

315. IN THIS, LIKE, LANGUAGE.

316. IT'S LIKE SOME DEMON

317. YELLING AT ME OR SOMETHING!

318. - WELL, - CARL, IT'S BAD LUCK

319. TO SEE THE

320. BRIDE BEFORE A WEDDING.

321. IT'S NATURAL.

322. NO, MEAT MAN.

323. TO SEE US DURING THE WEDDING.

324. SHE DOES NOT WANT

325. SHE WANTS TO DO THE WHOLE

326. SHEBANG THROUGH THE WALL.

327. WELL, AT LEAST SHE STILL

328. WANTS TO GO THROUGH WITH IT.

329. YEAH, YOU CAN QUIT

330. TRYING TO BE SO POSITIVE.

331. THIS SUCKS AND YOU KNOW IT.

332. I DON'T KNOW, CARL,

333. JUST SIT DOWN AND...

334. MAYBE YOU TWO SHOULD

335. 3. MY FUTURE, TOO, PLEASE.

336. YOU 3 SHOULD

337. THIS WEDDING...

338. JUST POSTPONE

339. NO WAY!

340. WE'LL LOSE

341. THE DEPOSIT ON THE DEEJAY.

342. YEAH, HE'S RIGHT.

343. - WE'RE DOING THIS THING - FIRST THING TOMORROW.

344. WELL, OK.

345. UNTIL THEN,

346. I GUESS YOU CAN

347. - SLEEP HERE TONIGHT, - CARL.

348. AND WAKE UP WITH SOME DISEASE?

349. HA HA HA! NO, THANK YOU!

350. YOU'LL GET ME UP AT 10:00.

351. I'LL BE SLEEPING

352. IN MY CAR.

353. ALL RIGHT!

354. - I GOT HAIR AND A HAIR-DRYER - AND A TOY TRAIN.

355. THIS IS THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!

356. MERRY CHRISTMAS, MEATWAD.

357. HOW DO I LOOK?

358. DO I LOOK PROFESSIONAL?

359. HEY, UH,

360. WHAT DID I GET, GUYS?

361. FRYLOCK, OPEN THE ENVELOPE!

362. ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE

363. WHAT WE GOT HERE!

364. YOU'LL LOVE THIS, TOO.

365. - I MADE IT 'CAUSE - I AIN'T GOT NO DAMN MONEY.

366. YEAH, BROTHER!

367. WOW! A BIRD-FEEDER!

368. NO! THOSE ARE THEM WRAP-AROUND

369. SUNGLASSES YOU'VE BEEN WANTING!

370. - HA HA! - AREN'T YOU EXCITED?

371. OH, WELL,

372. THANK YOU, MEATWAD.

373. AND I MADE THEM ALL OUT OF STUFF

374. THAT CAME OUT OF THE YARD.

375. AND HOT GLUE.

376. - I-I'LL WEAR THEM - THE SECOND WE GO OUTSIDE.

377. - WHY DON'T YOU TRY THEM ON NOW, - YOU KNOW, SEE IF THEY FIT.

378. YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU TRY THEM ON

379. NEXT TO YOUR BARK SHOES!

380. BEFORE YOU PUT THEM IN THE ATTIC

381. AND ALL THAT OTHER STUFF

382. HE MADE THAT YOU HATE!

383. - HA HA! - YOU PUT THAT STUFF - IN THE ATTIC?

384. - NO! NO, NO. - I LOVE THESE!

385. I REALLY DO!

386. HOW ABOUT THAT COMPUTER

387. HE MADE FOR YOU OUT OF LEAVES?

388. THAT WAS THE BEST!

389. HA HA HA!

390. OK, I'M AWAKE!

391. LET'S, UH...

392. - FRIGGIN' - GO GET MARRIED.

393. - WELL, GOOD! - YEAH, BROTHER!

394. LET'S GET MARRIED! YEAH!

395. "AND DO YOU, SVETLANA..."

396. WHAT DOES THIS SAY?

397. LOOK, JUST SAY SMITH

398. OR JONES OR SOMETHING.

399. - THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN - PRONOUNCE THAT RIGHT.

400. "SVETLANA SMITH

401. TAKE CARL..."

402. JUST SAY SMITH AGAIN.

403. IT DON'T MATTER.

404. NONE OF THIS MATTERS.

405. SMITH...

406. - "TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY - WEDDED HUSBAND."

407. HEY, WHOA!

408. - "TO HONOR..." - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

409. BACK UP! REWIND!

410. "TAKE CARL

411. AND MASTER SHAKE..."

412. - THAT'S MORE - LIKE IT.

413. - "TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY - WEDDED HUSBANDS

414. - AS LONG AS - YOU 3 SHALL LIVE?"

415. [SVETLANA MUMBLING

416. ALL RIGHT!

417. ALL RIGHT! SCORE!

418. SWEET NECTAR!

419. - OK, NOW SHOVE - THE RING UNDER THE DOOR.

420. - NO, WE'RE NOT DOING - THE RING...

421. - I'M NOT GETTING - ROPED INTO ALL THAT.

422. - HOW CAN YOU - NOT HAVE A RING?

423. NO, IT ENDS HERE!

424. I HAVEN'T SEEN FOOD ONCE

425. SINCE SHE'S SHOWN UP!

426. HE'S RIGHT.

427. LIGHT THIS CANDLE.

428. LET'S DO THIS THING.

429. "BY THE POWER INVESTED

430. OF NEW JERSEY,

431. IN ME BY THE STATE

432. - I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU - MEN AND WIFE."

433. - YOU MAY NOW KISS - THE DOOR.

434. - WON'T OPEN, FRYLOCK. - DO IT!

435. [SVETLANA YELLING

436. SVETLANA!

437. BABY?

438. GREAT. GREAT!

439. OH, MAN!

440. SO, SHE GOT THE CAR?

441. WELL, TECHNICALLY,

442. NOW, RIGHT?

443. IT'S HALF HERS,

444. - OR A THIRD. - I DON'T KNOW.

445. D.J.: INTRODUCING THE NEW

446. MISTERS AND MRS. PORTOWSKY!

447. IT'S PROTONONOLEWSKY!

448. - AND YOU GET THE HELL - OUT OF HERE!

449. NO WAY!

450. YOU ARE STAYING!

451. WE GOT HIM TILL 2:00!

452. OK! WE'RE ROCKING

453. AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE.

454. ANY REQUESTS?

455. HOW ABOUT YOU

456. IN THE NECK BRACE?

457. - YEAH, - HERE'S A REQUEST.

458. HEY, SHUT UP!

459. OK! COUPLES ONLY!

460. COME ON, THIS'LL GET

461. YOU DANCING CLOSE!

462. CARL,

463. I KNOW YOU'RE HURTING.

464. AND IF IT MAKES

465. YOU FEEL ANY BETTER,

466. MERRY CHRISTMAS.

467. WHAT IS IT?

468. IT'S A STICK.

469. OH.

470. GOOD.

471. ♪ SANTA CLAUS

472. 'CAUSE YOU KNOW

473. - CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY - TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

474. CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL

475. www.ncicap.org...

476. CAPTIONING INSTITUTE