Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations 1x6

1. What the hell was that?

2. Two things I love — Italian movies and Italian food.

3. But as we'll find out, Sicily is not exactly Italy...

4. And making TV here is no picnic.

5. Whoa!

6. I'm Anthony Bourdain.

7. I write. I travel. I eat.

8. And I'm hungry for more.

9. The other night, I had a dream.

10. In my dream, I'm back in my kitchen.

11. I'm trapped in an endless dinner rush.

12. The angry mob outside the kitchen doors keeps shifting,

13. growing, changing their orders.

14. "I want steak! I want fish!

15. I want sauce on the side! I want it well-done!

16. I want it medium-rare!"

17. A relentless procession of orders

18. crushing into the kitchen.

19. Suddenly, I'm on an island.

20. It's an island that's endured 6,000 years of domination

21. by foreign powers,

22. invader after invader from the sea.

23. It's belonged to everyone but its own people.

24. Do they give up? No.

25. Hardened and proud, the inhabitants persist,

26. for they've discovered a secret.

27. Distrustful of power and wealth,

28. they've turned their attention elsewhere,

29. to the things that can be trusted...

30. Ciao.

31. family, friends, simple food, beauty —

32. all the natural pleasures of life.

33. They live with passion. To hell with everything else.

34. That island is Sicily.

35. When I woke up, I hopped a plane.

36. I've arrived in Palermo, Sicily's capital.

37. I've got to be honest.

38. Lately, I just haven't been feeling it.

39. Another airport, another baggage claim...

40. And, of course, another lost bag...

41. And always the ever-present camera

42. capturing every humiliating moment.

43. Some days, being a slave to television

44. feels no different than being a slave to the kitchen.

45. From time to time,

46. when a camera crew's stalking my every move,

47. travel can make me feel like holing myself up

48. in a clock tower with a bottle of Wolfschmidt's.

49. So I'm hoping Sicily, at least,

50. will bring back the pure rush of a good trip.

51. I know that whenever I get off a plane after a nine-hour flight

52. from America, the first thing I always want to do in a country

53. is meet the president.

54. Ladies and gentlemen,

55. may I present Salvatore Cuffaro,

56. the President of Sicily's regional government?

57. "Now, Tony," you may be asking yourself,

58. "How does the president of Sicily

59. have time to meet with you?"

60. My thoughts exactly.

61. I'm also meeting Chico,

62. the guy who's supposed to be my guide in Sicily.

63. Anthony Bourdain...

64. I'm honored.

65. Mr. Salvatore Cuffaro, the president of Sicily.

66. Thank you. Thank you so much.

67. I'm looking forward to eating well.

68. Oh, that looks good.

69. We're at Focacceria San Francesco.

70. Established in 1834,

71. it's a historic landmark

72. and one of Italy's oldest restaurants.

73. And it's a favorite snacking spot for the president.

74. I understood that.

75. And what does the president eat

76. when he comes here every time?

77. What's his favorite? Panino con le panelle.

78. Pane con le panelle — it's a bread with...

79. It's fried, and they put inside of the bread.

80. Oh.

81. The moment of truth.

82. Fortunately, everyone keeps their job today.

83. Panelle — it's good.

84. I wonder if the president comes in and orders the usual.

85. Foccacia Maritata.

86. Oh, wow. Look at that.

87. Spleen?

88. Yes, it's a spleen sandwich.

89. The spleen, pork butter,

90. caciocavallo cheese, from Ragusa.

91. A fitting sandwich.

92. In the 1600s,

93. they thought the spleen was the source

94. of all emotion and passion.

95. Oh, that's good.

96. But today, I imagine it's simply a source of tension

97. for these cooks.

98. Thank you so much. Fantastic.

99. Apparently, the presidential itinerary is a little pressing,

100. but never too pressing, he insists,

101. to taste his favorite dessert.

102. Del melone.

103. This dessert is made with watermelon.

104. Watermelon gelée.

105. Mmm!

106. Oh, it's beautiful. It's just light and beautiful —

107. little chunks of chocolate and pistachio.

108. So, my theory has always been

109. cultures who had a history of struggle

110. always cook better because they have to.

111. I'm very fortunate. This is my first meal in Sicily,

112. and I'm eating a really good one.

113. Okay.

114. Thank you so much.

115. Okay, thank you.

116. Thank you. Bye.

117. Ciao.

118. Now, there's a man with his priorities in order.

119. No border dispute or budget crisis

120. is gonna keep the President of Sicily from a delicious meal.

121. Your president knows how to eat well.

122. The president's the one who's coming from a simple place.

123. So he like to keep living with those simple things.

124. After lunch, I till Chico about my lost luggage,

125. and he offers to help me get cleaned up

126. with a proper sense of Sicilian style.

127. I want to take you now — there is a friend of mine

128. which is a tailor and is a musician, also.

129. It's something extraordinary.

130. Beautiful.

131. Cuci Lampo Tailors.

132. Before there were Gap outlets or shopping malls,

133. for thousands of years, people went to a tailor

134. to have their clothes custom-made,

135. and in Palermo, some still do.

136. Perfect, because I could really use a new jogging suit,

137. something in velveteen.

138. They are musicians, also.

139. Traditional Sicilian folk music is as ancient as tailoring.

140. In the last 100 years, this music has almost vanished.

141. Now, about that jogging suit...

142. Uh, gentlemen, can we look at some fabric?

143. Uh, 36 long?

144. Uh, guys? single-breasted, no cuffs.

145. Sicilian music may not be too popular elsewhere,

146. but the only thing obsolete around here

147. is the sewing machine.

148. Maybe tomorrow, the airline will locate my luggage

149. and I'll locate a reason to live.

150. Chico says we'll be going sailing,

151. and he mentioned something

152. about hurling ourselves off a cliff.

153. Palermo, Sicily.

154. Heavily damaged in World War II,

155. it still looks like the set of an Italian neorealist film.

156. But Palermo's decaying grandeur belies a city rich in culture.

157. On my way to meet my friend Chico for a history lesson,

158. I take a little side trip of my own.

159. They call this the plaza of shame.

160. I don't know what's so shameful about nudity.

161. So what? The walk of shame, now, that's shameful,

162. you know, when you leave somebody's apartment

163. in your evening clothes.

164. Well, when the Moors were here,

165. they found all this nudity shameful,

166. so they knocked all the Schvontzes off,

167. if you know what I mean.

168. Wonder if they kept them all in a little box.

169. Hey, oh, hey, they left that.

170. How come that guy got to live?

171. Yeah, he's still got his unit...

172. Well, most of it.

173. On the other hand,

174. these guys are hung like hamsters.

175. That's pretty shameful.

176. Speaking of shameful,

177. architecture, sculpture, painting, and...

178. groceries?

179. Well, probably not if you're buying them from big brother

180. at the brave new world of your local ubermarket.

181. Check this out.

182. Markets are often a fast track into a country's psyche.

183. When I hook up with Chico,

184. it turns out we're going to Palermo's Capo Street Market.

185. I want to introduce you to my friend Gaetano Basile,

186. which is here.

187. Gaetano Basile is a famous writer

188. and historian of Sicilian culture.

189. Gaetano.

190. Ciao.

191. Good to meet you.

192. It's the oldest market in the world.

193. It's the oldest market in the world — 1,000 years.

194. 1,000 years. Wow.

195. Basile shops here frequently

196. and feels it's an easy way to learn about Sicilian culture.

197. Superficially, the obvious variety of products

198. reflect Sicily's many foreign influences.

199. But more importantly,

200. the way Sicilians shop reflects their outlook on life.

201. Color contrast. Color contrast.

202. The important things to know is, in Sicily,

203. when people are going to market to buy any kind of food...

204. In this market, it's a game of seduction.

205. Oh, looking good.

206. And everyone wants to be seduced.

207. Oh, yeah. Come to papa.

208. When was the last time you were turned on

209. at your local supermarket?

210. Don't answer that.

211. Oh, sweet.

212. In Sicilian, when you see all those things like that,

213. we call that a triumph.

214. A triumph, yes.

215. Okay, I see something really exciting over here.

216. Holy look at that.

217. Yes.

218. He invites you to buy that fish

219. because the presentation is very nice, colorful.

220. Getting inspiration from the baroque style.

221. Baroque art originated in Italy

222. and emphasizes exaggerated emotion and drama

223. for a passionate, sensual appeal.

224. Basile takes me to a baroque church

225. in the center of the market to finish his point.

226. Now I get it.

227. I'm thinking I'm getting hungry.

228. Hearing my complaint, basile says, nearby,

229. there's a one-of-a-kind snacking opportunity.

230. Palermo, Sicily.

231. A narrow, crumbling street.

232. Cut to a large covered basket.

233. Steam carries the vague sour smell of mystery meat.

234. A heavy man looms silently, revealing nothing.

235. Suddenly, he reaches inside,

236. slaps a steaming mound of flesh onto your palm,

237. and you're instructed to swallow it instantly,

238. leaving not a trace.

239. Would you do it?

240. Now we are going to have a frittola.

241. The frittola is all the pieces of different animals.

242. They are cooked together to get the grease from it.

243. Normally, they used to throw it away, that thing, okay?

244. Poor people, of course, they took that,

245. and they used to fry that.

246. Okay, so these were all the scraps,

247. little bits of scraps that they would render out

248. the fat to sell?

249. Exactly.

250. But the poor people were left with the meat.

251. You have to eat this when it's very warm,

252. because otherwise the taste is too strong.

253. Listen, that's let's eat.

254. It's like a mystery basket the way he goes in, right?

255. What's inside? We don't know.

256. Okay, right away, huh?

257. I got to eat it while it's hot, man.

258. Oh, that's good.

259. Awesome.

260. Okay? Yeah.

261. Stock meat, tripe, odd bits.

262. These are all frittola fans over here?

263. Oh, yes.

264. Actually, it's one of the best places for frittolas.

265. Look at them, circling like sea gulls.

266. I could hang out here all day.

267. And nearby, easily accessible appropriate beverage.

268. So it's important to have a good glass of red wine

269. after the frittola.

270. The two tastes have to be together.

271. It's nice.

272. In Palermo, street food is deadly serious.

273. Okay. I'm not a doctor,

274. but Chico's looking a little haggard.

275. He's sluggish, irritable, dragging his feet.

276. "It's all this work making TV," he says.

277. "We must go sailing with my friends."

278. Sicily's Northern coast is an almost uninterrupted string

279. of beaches and resort towns.

280. It's no wonder that the scenery is, well, beautiful.

281. But if you truly want to live large,

282. sailing is the best choice.

283. Oh, yeah, now we're moving.

284. Yeah, this is a lot better than the last time I was in Italy —

285. well, horribly drunk with my head jammed into a bidet.

286. Maybe this TV job isn't so bad, after all.

287. Have you been to New York? No, never?

288. Brooklyn.

289. Brooklyn. Manhattan. Manhattan.

290. So I haven't impressed anybody on board

291. with where I come from.

292. But this kind of misery, alienation, and ennui,

293. I guess I can live with.

294. No comment.

295. Chico suggests some adventure,

296. something he claims he does regularly.

297. Let's move.

298. We set out in the dinghy to do some cliff-jumping.

299. Is this a good idea?

300. No, we jump from there.

301. Yeah, stone cold.

302. No, over there.

303. Holy

304. I've never even jumped off the high diving board.

305. At least it's a good way to go.

306. It's better than keeled over dead in this

307. whatever is about to happen, one thing's for sure —

308. Chico and I have a long climb up a very tall cliff.

309. I have but one life to give for my network.

310. When we last left our fearless hero,

311. he was trying to convince himself

312. that jumping off a cliff made perfect sense.

313. The last thing you see in your life —

314. the gorgeous blue Mediterranean off the coast of Sicily

315. coming up to crash into your skull, impact your spine,

316. and cause all sorts of cranial bleeding.

317. Now, some of you might ask, "How is this food-related?"

318. if I know.

319. I guess if I crash my skull on a rock,

320. parts of me will become part of the food chain.

321. Okay, so, my plan is to let Chico jump first.

322. I figure, if his head pops up to the surface,

323. I won't have to cling to this rock all night,

324. waiting for a rescue chopper.

325. Uh, Chico, is this high enough?

326. Chico, how about now?

327. Are we there yet?

328. Chico? This is a joke, right?

329. Holy mother

330. Son of a

331. and this is a good idea why?

332. I don't know, Chico. That looks like a long way down.

333. Are you sure you've done this before?

334. I done it when I was quite young.

335. You go first?

336. I think you should go first.

337. I'll be looking very closely down at that water

338. to see if you pop up.

339. By the way, I got one question.

340. I'm not wishing you bad luck or anything,

341. but, hypothetically, if you don't make it,

342. how do I get down from here?

343. Whoo! Whoa!

344. Ohh, that's got to hurt.

345. I just don't want to crap in a bag for the rest of my life,

346. okay, so, please, let it end here.

347. Kids, don't try this at home.

348. No feeding tube.

349. No feeding tube.

350. Yeah!

351. That was cool.

352. It looks like a million miles down.

353. When you think twice about that, you can't jump anymore.

354. That is the problem.

355. Yeah, that water goes right up your

356. welcome to Sicily, man! Yeah!

357. Thank you. Let's do it again.

358. I hope that jump impressed my shipmates.

359. My work here is done.

360. I know what you're saying.

361. You're saying, "Okay, Tony,

362. gorgeous women in tiny, little bathing suits,

363. death-defying feats, fantastic food,

364. that's all well and good, but where's the salt?"

365. Salt — once rare as gold.

366. Wars were fought for it, empires built by it.

367. Biological necessity...

368. Linchpin of civilization...

369. It led to global trade in the great salt roads.

370. All routes ended here, at the very center,

371. the oldest salt marshes in all of Europe...

372. a grade of salt prized above all others — Trapani.

373. Please kill me.

374. Kill me now.

375. Yeah. I should pay more attention

376. to the preproduction notes.

377. Let me tell you, folks — the production of salt,

378. it's similar to the ice process in its excitement.

379. Anthony Bourdain reporting to you

380. from the front line of the Salt Flats of Trapani.

381. Behind me — salt — a lot of salt.

382. What's that, Wolf?

383. Isn't that exciting, Wolf?

384. Windmills are used to pump seawater into large ponds.

385. Now, supposedly, the water evaporates,

386. and this is not fully confirmed,

387. but, according to our experts, salt is left behind.

388. If you look closely, Wolf,

389. you may actually be able to see the evaporation process

390. taking place in these shots.

391. Wolf, Wolf, this is a breaking story.

392. I found something here. It could be significant.

393. It's... salt.

394. And it tastes... salty.

395. Back to you, Wolf.

396. Ready to eat?

397. Oh, Chico arranges lunch with the proprietor.

398. Maybe that'll spice things up.

399. This is the chef, Pepino, and Mr. Antonio,

400. which is the owner of this place.

401. Let the excitement begin.

402. Everything has been cooked with the concept of the salt.

403. There's an array of salty sides,

404. like octopus salad, handmade pasta,

405. and caponata, a traditional Sicilian eggplant dish.

406. As for the main course...

407. Spigola. Spigola.

408. It's like a bass.

409. You take a fresh fish. You take the salt.

410. You put a little bit of water in the salt.

411. And then you put all the salt on top of the fish.

412. Then the fish gets baked in... salt.

413. It's a very antique system and simple.

414. Luckily, the fish was caught this morning.

415. That's beautiful.

416. Normally, you should open like this.

417. You just cut this side like this.

418. Delicious.

419. It is in no way salty. It's quite the opposite.

420. The salt is a means of cooking it.

421. Inside the crust, it essentially cooks in its own juices.

422. The moisture tries to escape and is forced back in.

423. He says there is salt and salt.

424. Yes.

425. There's salt, and there's salt.

426. There's only one thing to be said

427. about the two hours of my life that followed

428. that fateful opening phrase — this man likes salt.

429. He said, don't forget the salt

430. because the salt is the base of the life.

431. I will never forget the salt.

432. Without salt, the life is flat.

433. Thank you. And I won't forget your kindness.

434. Thank you.

435. I'm thinking the gift shop's got to be awesome —

436. salt-related novelties,

437. and a bobble-headed doll made of salt

438. on an ashtray made of salt,

439. salt postcards, salty snacks.

440. Though things would surely have turned out far better

441. for my ratings if I'd indeed shattered my spine

442. at the bottom of that cliff,

443. things will surely improve tomorrow

444. when I hop a flight to a volcanic Sicilian island

445. that's closer to Africa than Italy.

446. After my salt-encrusted adventures yesterday,

447. I jumped a 30-minute flight to Pantelleria,

448. a volcanic outcropping in the Mediterranean.

449. It's the biggest of Sicily's outlying islands.

450. Look at this place —

451. windblown, rugged, and beautiful.

452. My kind of island.

453. I really don't want to work today.

454. This is the kind of day I hate, 'cause here I am in paradise.

455. I mean, look at this. Pantelleria.

456. About 70 kilometers thataway is Tunisia in Africa,

457. hardly a location that I should be bitching about my job.

458. Sitting here — I mean, all I want to do is just hang out.

459. Oh, but, no. I'm going caper farming.

460. That's right, people — capers.

461. You know those little, piquant morsels

462. that most of you mistake for mouse droppings

463. and push to the side of your plate?

464. These low-slung caper bushes grow like kudzu

465. in the rich volcanic soil.

466. The caper is the unopened green flower bud on the bush.

467. Okay, here's the rub —

468. these nubs of goodness are hand-harvested.

469. I don't know how he's doing that, man.

470. Bent over like this all day? Oh, my God.

471. I'm hurting already.

472. One person takes 20 kilos.

473. One person, 20 kilos every day?

474. Yeah.

475. 20 kilos.

476. For my metrically challenged audience,

477. that's around 40 pounds.

478. Find your position, because you have to stay four hours.

479. Four hours?

480. Yeah, from 6:00 in the morning to 10:00.

481. 6:00 to 10:00?

482. Please bring on the food-and-beverage part

483. of this journey.

484. I think I've done pretty well.

485. All right. I think that pretty much covers my workday.

486. How long was that — four minutes?

487. I think I did well.

488. Yeah, I think we need a drink.

489. I know what "mangiare" means.

490. I know I'm ready. I'm dying.

491. Oh, yeah.

492. Now, when you're working your ass off in the caper field

493. like these guys do every day,

494. you should reward yourself with a good lunch,

495. and these guys do just that.

496. Grilled tomatoes for a fresh pasta sauce

497. with crushed basil and capers.

498. Come on. You break your back all day picking them,

499. they better end up in the food.

500. Yeah, yeah, that's good.

501. Let's try some of those freshly picked ones I sweated over.

502. Because now — No, no, no.

503. You need four months to eat it.

504. Okay, so four months in the salt.

505. And by the way, caper fans, that's Trapani salt.

506. After that, what do they do?

507. If you want to, you can eat also like this.

508. That's beautiful.

509. A good-looking salad.

510. All we need now are libations.

511. Oh, thank God. Vats of homemade wine

512. and not a grape in sight I have to crush.

513. Uh-oh, some disagreement between the chefs.

514. Now we're talking.

515. I like his method.

516. I think it was a discussion.

517. It was like, "Mix it, or over the top?"

518. I think what we arrived at is both.

519. Thank you, gentlemen.

520. Good sauce.

521. So, how often do they cook like this?

522. More or less, every day, with your wine.

523. You have the wine. There is always the wine.

524. Yeah, I'm getting that idea.

525. Yes, but lunch is so much more than just a bowl of pasta.

526. That looks good.

527. So you're telling me that a big bowl of pasta is not enough?

528. This is our second.

529. What do you call that?

530. It's a secondo piatto.

531. Secondo piatto. The second plate,

532. consisting of grilled

533. a local saltwater fish.

534. You guys know how to live — work hard, party hard.

535. Yeah.

536. Oh, yeah. Oh, come on, that's beautiful.

537. Right. When you're in the country,

538. you eat with your hands, not with a fork.

539. Hey, what's his problem with the forchetta?

540. He's been away from home too long.

541. Excuse me, sir,

542. I think I ordered a salad with my sardines.

543. Insalata pantesca, salad unique to this island.

544. All of your local products are in here.

545. You got your fish, onions, your tomatoes,

546. your capers, fish oil.

547. Oh, yeah.

548. Everything is fantastic.

549. It's the best.

550. It's beautiful.

551. Vino, yeah.

552. Yeah? Oh, with your feet.

553. Cool. I hope you washed them before you did that.

554. How beautiful is this?

555. My caper-farming buddies and me chowing down

556. after a hard morning working in the fields.

557. We realize, as all Sicilians do,

558. that the key to surviving a hard day's labor

559. is mixing in plenty of hard relaxation.

560. This is the life for me.

561. To us. And those like us.

562. This is great — so real.

563. To eat, to live, to drink.

564. No, you work, then you drink.

565. No, no, before you work.

566. Before you work?

567. What? Oh, no.

568. Oh, no.

569. This is even worse than my job.

570. Ohh, my back.

571. Oh, did you hear that noise?

572. Oh, sounds like somebody just stepped on a box of Wheaties.

573. Apparently, there's no such thing as a free lunch out here.

574. I'm running to the 7-eleven,

575. I'm getting a jar of capers,

576. and I'm just throwing them in the bucket.

577. Them I'm hopping the first plane

578. to a tiny remote Sicilian island

579. in the middle of the Mediterranean.

580. Squid fishing, anyone?

581. Surely that promises a relaxing life aquatic.

582. Son of a

583. Another beautiful Sicilian day unfolds before me —

584. Well, kind of.

585. I'm back in transit.

586. Where am I? Where am I going?

587. Where am I coming from?

588. That's right. Another puddle jumper,

589. this time to the island of Lampedusa.

590. Buddy Holly, the Big Bopper,

591. Ritchie Valens, JFK Jr.,

592. Ricky Nelson.

593. What do they have in common?

594. All died in a flaming inferno of a plane wreck.

595. Okay, sunny disposition and optimistic outlook

596. have cleared the baggage check.

597. At least this flying tin can will transport me

598. to some isolated relaxation, alive or dead.

599. So, let's get this bird airborne.

600. Okay, that's slightly disconcerting.

601. I'd better memorize this quick, just in case.

602. I wonder if "Old Crazy Eyes" is a good nickname for a pilot.

603. Hey, put those glasses back on.

604. Ah, well, I had a sage uncle who once told me

605. the most important things in life were the three f's —

606. fishing, flying, and I forget the other one.

607. But let's go fishing.

608. Lampedusa, a tiny Mediterranean island.

609. There are basically two things that happen here —

610. tourism and fishing.

611. So if you want to understand the locals,

612. the obvious choice is, well...

613. fishing.

614. And while it is a serious livelihood

615. for people like Salvatore,

616. I figure it's got to be fun, right?

617. After all, it's fishing.

618. Oh, that's promising.

619. This is gonna be great.

620. Hunting the wild calamari.

621. Big as a subway car, I understand.

622. Twice as mean.

623. Like a lot of activities in this country,

624. I'm discovering that calamari fishing

625. is labor-intensive.

626. No dragging big nets out here.

627. No, sir. This is done with, well,

628. a makeshift version of Ron Popeil's pocket fisherman.

629. No Rod, just by hand.

630. Around how many kilos of squid is a good night's haul?

631. 200 kilos.

632. 200 kilos like that?

633. That's a good night.

634. Pull like that, 'cause you never know

635. when a calamari's gonna to catch it.

636. Never know when the calamari's gonna bite?

637. Hey, Chico, how about never?

638. Now, I like to think I have pretty good sea legs.

639. But this water is starting to get a bit choppy.

640. I feel alive.

641. Ah, the sea — she's a cruel mistress —

642. giver of life, taker of cheese.

643. In the words of George Costanza,

644. the sea was angry that day, my friends,

645. like an old man trying to return soup at a deli.

646. Really, the only thing keeping me going at this point

647. is the certain knowledge that my producer

648. is gonna be vomiting before me,

649. and I'll be there to watch.

650. I feel a zen-like state of calm... and nausea.

651. We've been out here for hours.

652. It's getting dark, nothing is biting,

653. and half my crew have their head over the rail.

654. I'm gonna go.

655. Yum.

656. And like magic...

657. Nice. Oh, yeah, here we go.

658. Dinner!

659. That's one good-looking calamari.

660. He likes me.

661. I think my workday is done. To the bar.

662. Sure, the ocean didn't give up much of her bounty that night,

663. but my crew sure did.

664. And that's a good night of fishing,

665. as far as I'm concerned.

666. I woke up the next morning feeling, well,

667. a little bit down.

668. Ohh. Find me a rusty butter knife

669. so I can cut my own throat.

670. Sometimes traveling takes its toll,

671. as do salt flats, caper fields,

672. and fruitless quests for calamari.

673. Hey, I'm here in an island paradise.

674. There is — look at this beautiful sun.

675. There's beach all around.

676. You know making television.

677. I'm defecting.

678. I'll see you guys next island.

679. I need some downtime to cut loose.

680. A trip to Sicily shouldn't feel like work.

681. Hey, I'm driving here

682. Maybe that's why Sicily's many conquerors didn't last.

683. They missed the point.

684. Move it, pops. I got a bad attitude —

685. bad attitude coming through.

686. This is how the entire show should have been —

687. me motoring around, sucking in the vista

688. at a more relaxed pace.

689. How do you say "I'm a very bitter, unhappy man"

690. in Sicilian?

691. From now on, I'm taking my cues from Sicilian locals,

692. not my producers.

693. I'm thinking, hey, a friendly game of boccie with the locals.

694. Now, this is a game that knows no age,

695. just right for me.

696. Simply roll your boccie as close as possible

697. to the pallino ball to score points.

698. Easy, right?

699. Oh, come on. Can't I have a little fun?

700. When some of the wise old salts of Lampedusa stop bouncing

701. around on fishing boats...

702. That's about as good as it gets.

703. they often spend the rest of the day here,

704. playing boccie.

705. Oh, no!

706. You don't have to be wildly competitive

707. to find satisfaction in this game, but it helps.

708. I got this one cold.

709. Oh!

710. True boccie aficionados are fanatics.

711. Maybe that's why this Italian pastime

712. has been around for 7,000 years.

713. Come on, old man. Roll that damn ball,

714. or I'll hide your colostomy bag.

715. Oh, yeah. I got three Social Security checks

716. riding on this.

717. Ohh. Not looking good for you guys.

718. Here we go.

719. Yes! America won!

720. I feel like Paul Newman in "The Hustler,"

721. only I get to win.

722. Oh, yeah.

723. I know it's only a little bit to me,

724. but to them it's their whole world — that's what matters.

725. Oh, yeah.

726. Nothing like taking advantage of old people.

727. Next stop, Century Village.

728. Hmm. Now, how to dispose of my ill-gained winnings?

729. Grazie.

730. Oh, yeah, nice indigenous beverage —

731. piña colada.

732. Oh, yeah. Who am I kidding?

733. Sometimes it does pay to be a tourist.

734. I don't feel so bad. Italians do this, too.

735. All these people — they are from up North, all over Italy,

736. come down here, lay in their chairs, eat until they bust,

737. eating lots of squids, drinking a lot of wine.

738. Just kick back. Relax.

739. Ohh, that's going to hurt.

740. Should I tell her? Nah!

741. I'm feeling more myself —

742. relaxed, buzzed, even reckless.

743. I think I'm ready to take on Europe's largest volcano,

744. mid-eruption.

745. As an avid cinephile,

746. I've always believed that film and food

747. are two important windows into a country's soul.

748. Italian cinema is filled with images of Sicily —

749. its rugged, beautiful mystique,

750. clearly an important part of Italy's filmic identity.

751. But does Sicily feel the same way about Italy,

752. or any other place, for that matter?

753. What is its true character?

754. Maybe I can find the answer in Taormina,

755. a city on Sicily's Eastern coast.

756. Famous for the ruins of an ancient Greek amphitheater,

757. it's become a Sicilian Mecca for culture and the arts.

758. Every summer, Taormina hosts a film festival

759. in the Greek amphitheater.

760. Hey, thanks for inviting me.

761. I really want to thank these people for inviting me.

762. Where's the liquor at?

763. I've arranged to meet a friend at the festival.

764. "Once upon a time in America" was just absolutely bloated,

765. self-important.

766. It was pure filmmaking, great scenes of cinema.

767. Vincenzo is a Sicilian who's recently returned

768. from being a film student at NYU.

769. And like many Sicilians, he has strong opinions.

770. Strangely enough, so do I.

771. When you put together Jim Jarmusch and Tom Waits...

772. it spells boredom and depression to me.

773. I don't agree with you. It's great.

774. Lesson number one — never start an argument

775. with a Sicilian unless you're prepared to go the distance.

776. If I found "E.T." in my shed,

777. I'd call the exterminator.

778. He's some creepy little animal.

779. 6,000 years of invasions can make you a stubborn opponent.

780. This place, Sicily, is a huge set.

781. You don't have idea how many films are shot here.

782. But the way they portray Sicily, it's all superficial.

783. So, who got it right?

784. No one's ever gotten it right?

785. As we're technically still filming a TV show,

786. this interests me.

787. So I ask him what it is that filmmakers miss.

788. He says everyone oversimplifies Sicilian culture.

789. We cross the border with every possible civilization

790. for a thousand years.

791. Look at me. I'm the living proof.

792. I'm short as an Arab. My eyes are blue like a Norman.

793. My last name's a Greek name.

794. My brother is dark-skinned. My temper is Spanish.

795. The very melting culture — it's here, more than New York,

796. I think, and from way before.

797. So, are we gonna get something sweet for the next film — what?

798. You are in Sicily. You have to take some sweet.

799. This is our national food, you know.

800. Oh, yeah?

801. What's so special about Sicilian desserts?

802. 4,000 years of domination.

803. We have a huge variety of sweets, as you can see.

804. And they are the most delicious sweets —

805. you can never taste in the entire world.

806. Cannoli — that's so good.

807. Yeah. Is that a Sicilian thing?

808. Come on.

809. Have you ever had a cannoli in New York?

810. I had what I thought was a cannoli in New York.

811. Doesn't exist.

812. Doesn't exist?

813. Hey, hold on there, film-geek boy.

814. The cannoli is the most iconic of all Italian desserts.

815. This simple, deep-fried shell

816. filled with sweetened ricotta cream

817. is universally loved by all Italians.

818. And as New York has been frequently ranked

819. as the largest Italian city outside of Italy,

820. I'm pretty certain that I've had

821. a cannoli better than this.

822. We have to settle this argument right here and now.

823. Let's make a bet.

824. I will take this bet.

825. Are you ready?

826. Uh-huh.

827. All right, smart guy. You got off easy.

828. No, people don't do a lot of that in this country.

829. You don't say "no more." No, no, no, no.

830. You can die tomorrow.

831. Right.

832. So if you're gonna die tomorrow,

833. you want to die with a sweet tooth.

834. "Now, Tony," some of you are asking,

835. "what volcano?

836. And you lost the bet, so what exactly did you lose?"

837. Funny you should ask.

838. Mt. Etna, Europe's largest volcano.

839. 10,900 feet high.

840. Steam, fire, lava.

841. It's in a nearly constant state of eruption.

842. Today, it's a popular Sicilian attraction.

843. But the visitor beware —

844. it is extremely foolish to step

845. outside designated safety zones.

846. So, we gonna see any hot lava up here?

847. Hopefully.

848. Ah, the bleak backcountry.

849. All true nature enthusiasts realize the best trail

850. is the one you invent.

851. You think we're getting good footage?

852. I hope you're gonna show this in black and white.

853. Yeah, that's gonna happen on American television.

854. Now, Mt. Etna is no killer volcano.

855. Frankly, its eruptions are pretty tame,

856. and its lava moves slowly.

857. In fact, there have been only 77 confirmed deaths

858. in recorded history.

859. Virtually all of those people

860. were in areas they shouldn't have been.

861. I like this bleak landscape.

862. It makes almost anything you say sound more significant.

863. Should you happen to find yourself

864. in that small risk group, there are some hazards.

865. Spontaneous fissures, showers of molten rock,

866. and something called

867. "event-clearing phreatic explosion."

868. That sounds like a proctological complaint.

869. Oh, I didn't bring marshmallow and hotdogs.

870. I brought some local Sicilian snacks.

871. You know a lot about wine and food.

872. I'm sorry. I'm Sicilian.

873. So, all Sicilians know a lot about wine and food?

874. Wine, food, sex, movies —

875. everything that is related with pleasure, we know.

876. It's about pleasure.

877. Yeah, like he said — pleasure.

878. It's a Sicilian priority.

879. It's in their spirit.

880. When you let pleasure control your life

881. and not your life control pleasure,

882. you'll find great passion.

883. Welcome to Sicily, man!

884. Yeah!

885. Eat, see, live.

886. Oh, no, that's...

887. And the hell with everything else.

888. And now the payoff to the wager.

889. I owe Vincenzo lunch.

890. So, I don't know about you,

891. but this reminds me of "My Dinner with Andre,"

892. the little classic Louis Malle,

893. two guys talking at a table, only different.

894. Yeah, listen, could you hold this pizza next to the lava?

895. I think it's getting a little cold.

896. Looking from here, it's like we are having picnic

897. on the moon.

898. Yeah, but if we go to the moon together,

899. don't forget the wine next time.

900. I'm sorry. I don't know what happened.

901. We were talking about Fellini,

902. and you were halfway through yammering about "81/2,"

903. and I said, "The wine — bring the wine tomorrow."

904. You can't stay quiet, even on the top of a volcano.

905. What's that rumbling?

906. So, I think that's looking really good.

907. Look at the composition.

908. You shot this on a tripod?

909. It's on a boat, dude. It's rocking.

910. We did the best we could.

911. You're pretending to be Antonioni.

912. It looks a little like Antonioni.

913. A little bit?

914. It's in black and white.

915. Yeah, everything in black and white is Antonioni?

916. Come on. That's a boat.

917. Yeah, but it's not Antonioni. I'm sorry.

918. That's a master, you know?

919. Someone we'll always remember "L'avventura."

920. Do you think people will remember

921. your cheap television show?

922. Come on.