Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations 1x5

1. Five years ago,

2. I was a chef working in New York City.

3. Now I'm picking my way through deep Malaysian jungle.

4. Leeches.

5. You may think it's glamorous making television...

6. Someone get this thing off my ass.

7. but let me tell you, making "No Reservations"

8. is not what you might think.

9. Bend over.

10. The crew and I are often left

11. to fend for ourselves,

12. far from the comforts of any TV studio.

13. It's really like "Alien," too.

14. And when there's a problem to be fixed,

15. sometimes it's up to me.

16. Well done.

17. Chef, author, remover of leeches.

18. I'm Anthony Bourdain.

19. I write, I travel, I eat...

20. and I'm hungry for more.

21. Malaysia.

22. It's old. It's new.

23. It's Muslim. It's Hindu.

24. It's Buddhist. It's Indian.

25. It's Malay. It's Chinese.

26. This is Kuala Lumpur, where it all comes together.

27. Come on in.

28. This is a land of natural fusion —

29. a collision of cuisines and cultures

30. that have blended over the centuries.

31. A place where indigenous peoples embrace the journey

32. as a vital element of life.

33. It's a place you can visit as a tourist,

34. but it's best experienced as an enthusiast.

35. As someone who just knows

36. that whatever happens, it's gonna be good.

37. Having spent 28 years of my life cooking in New York

38. and a lot of time traveling since,

39. I have seen firsthand

40. how important ethnic influences are

41. to defining and developing food and culture.

42. Much like New York,

43. Malaysia is a melting pot of many cultures,

44. and I've always said that a place's food,

45. and more specifically, its markets

46. are the quickest, best way to gain entry

47. to a culture and a people.

48. So, I'm ignoring most of Kuala Lumpur,

49. Malaysia's ultra-modern capital,

50. in favor of one of its oldest neighborhoods, Kampung Baru,

51. where I'm meeting Chef Wan, the TV superstar

52. as famous for his flamboyant personality

53. as he is for his encyclopedic knowledge

54. of Malaysian Cuisine.

55. Bye!

56. So, Chef Wan, where are you taking me?

57. I'm taking you up to some store here

58. to have a look and check and see.

59. You know, some of these wonderful, delicious stuff.

60. Okay, I'm ready for a high-speed tour

61. of this colorful market.

62. Smell this.

63. This is called a chinchalok.

64. Oh, it's awful. Smell.

65. Oh, man, that's nasty.

66. Look at that.

67. This actually made here from little shrimps, fermented.

68. But darling, when you have it, you love it.

69. You can't come to Malaysia not having the chinchalok.

70. Mmm. Shrimpy and putrid, in a good way.

71. Chinchalok. Aah!

72. I just hope I'm not making that sound later.

73. You want?

74. Uh, it's a bit strong.

75. Oh, but it's good for me?

76. Yeah. But it's tasty. Good for you.

77. This is how we eat in Malaysia.

78. Yeah. Jackfruit in coconut milk.

79. There.

80. And then, you know what? We're gonna use our hand.

81. Oh, yeah?

82. Yeah. This is how we eat.

83. Oh, yeah.

84. Make sure your tongue come out first.

85. All right. Tongue out.

86. Fabulous!

87. First, a how-to

88. in Malaysian eating etiquette...

89. Make sure you wash your hands.

90. and now a lesson in personal hygiene?

91. I'm getting the full rundown here.

92. You eat all the time.

93. The bao — steamed buns. Steamed buns.

94. What's inside?

95. Ah. $1.30.

96. "Steamy buns"?

97. I think I own that video.

98. Or was that "Steamy Buns 2?"

99. I love these buns.

100. You just open up. Ah.

101. This, the bao, very Chinese.

102. Mm-hmm.

103. But the filling very Malay, Malay style.

104. As long as it tastes good, yummy.

105. I like the chicken.

106. You eat anything? Yeah.

107. He eat everything.

108. This is the flower from the banana.

109. Some people find it nasty.

110. Let's see what Anthony Bourdain thinks about it.

111. All right.

112. And what's the sauce? Anchovy.

113. It's basically rotten fish.

114. No, that's great. Serious?

115. No, that's really good.

116. I have a long history with rotten fish.

117. I like it.

118. This guy is tough.

119. Oh, yeah, I'm giving my system

120. the full-on onslaught again.

121. Aah!

122. That's fast. You're good at this.

123. After 15 years —

124. You work my job. I'm taking a vacation.

125. Gastronomy, history, geography, and ethnography

126. all in one block in 14 minutes.

127. You can't beat that.

128. Spécialité de la maison

129. from Chef Wan to Anthony Bourdain.

130. Love it.

131. I think I've had quite enough food for tonight.

132. Before I start begging for mercy,

133. I'm heading back to my room.

134. After a night

135. of far too much rich food with Chef Wan,

136. I'm uncharacteristically open to suggestion,

137. and my producer,

138. bemoaning my broodish, cynical world view,

139. has suggested a remedy.

140. Located a few miles outside of K.L.

141. are the Batu Caves,

142. all within the depths of an imposing limestone cliff.

143. The caves are considered the holiest

144. Hindu pilgrimage site in Malaysia.

145. During the annual festival of Thaipusam,

146. nearly a million worshippers will converge on the caves

147. to honor the Hindu god Lord Muruga.

148. According to my guidebook, the festival also features

149. a frenzy of painful-looking body piercings.

150. Some particularly devout pilgrims

151. pierce their tongues and cheeks with hooks, skewers,

152. and tridents as a form of penance.

153. Now, don't get me wrong.

154. I'm all for spiritual enlightenment,

155. but I draw the line at ramming a spike through my cheek.

156. A typical offering

157. for the Hindu ceremony at the Batu Caves

158. consists of traditional flower necklaces and milk.

159. Thank you.

160. I feel inadequate and uncomfortable

161. around fervent believers.

162. Like a snake in the grass, a traitor,

163. the proverbial turd in the punch bowl,

164. and I've got 272 steps to climb?

165. Tip for future Travel Channel hosts —

166. Never try to climb anything that exceeds in height

167. the number of cigarettes you smoke in a week.

168. I should say here we are at the Batu Caves,

169. but, well, not really.

170. Bit of a climb left.

171. Here we go.

172. This is one of the few times I actually, if momentarily,

173. consider trying to quit smoking.

174. After 272 steps, I finally made it.

175. Let a new, blissfully transcendent phase

176. of my life begin.

177. First, I'm to undergo

178. a traditional blessing from the high priest.

179. What's your name?

180. Tony. Tony.

181. Why he's asking your name is because it's like

182. whispering your name to the God for him to bless you.

183. This is the way of praying.

184. Just put your hand in this way.

185. This hand is God, and this hand is we.

186. Both of us are the same.

187. He gives me a blessing

188. and marks my forehead with tika,

189. a red and white powder

190. that symbolizes the third eye of the God Shiva.

191. It's a beautiful ceremony.

192. Absolute earnestness, sincerity, and faith.

193. It's something even a heathen,

194. non-believing interloper like me can appreciate.

195. I feel like George Harrison.

196. I think I should start a commune in Vermont.

197. You know, like, grow our own vegetables,

198. share the yogurt, live off the soil.

199. Some place where the man can't oppress us.

200. Where the whole ugly, plastic world can't intrude.

201. Oh, yeah, there's a hippie deep inside me

202. waiting to get out.

203. Now, where'd I put my Birkenstocks?

204. It's a sobering experience

205. to come up against something bigger —

206. much bigger than yourself.

207. This is a big, gorgeous planet. I want it all.

208. From a vibrant market

209. to one of the holiest Hindu shrines in the world,

210. this country's got a lot going on.

211. It makes me want to explore the origins of Malay culture

212. and see how it all got started.

213. All this soul-searching is making me painfully aware

214. of my own spiritual void —

215. which is to say I'm hungry.

216. Holy

217. Night falls as I arrive back in Kuala Lumpur,

218. and I'm left to my own devices.

219. So, what does every hip new TV show need?

220. You know, if the history of television entertainment

221. has taught us anything,

222. it's that the audience just can't get

223. enough penis jokes.

224. In that spirit, I think I'm gonna sit down

225. to a big, steaming bowl of —

226. well, I believe it's steer penis.

227. Torpedo soup is a Malay specialty

228. consisting of bull's penis in a spicy curry broth.

229. When consumed, of course,

230. it's rumored to enhance a man's —

231. Well, you know what I mean.

232. Let's see what I'm eating here.

233. I think I want to see what I'm eating.

234. Holy

235. Okay, man. Give me nine hot inches.

236. Oh, yeah, that looks like a lot.

237. I'm gonna need some help.

238. What do you have to drink?

239. Natural Viagra?

240. Okay, I'll have that.

241. Sure, good. That goes well with penis.

242. How many times have you been halfway

243. into a quart of bull penis soup

244. and found yourself saying, "Gee, I'm parched"?

245. Well, if you're like me, you reach for a mug

246. of specially pulled coffee

247. made frothy and delicious

248. by being poured back and forth between decanters.

249. It's called tongkat ali.

250. It's a root that they use to infuse this coffee.

251. It's supposed to be a natural Viagra.

252. Well.

253. The torpedo soup isn't just about bull penis.

254. Along with the main ingredient is a spicy mix

255. of dried shrimp and coriander,

256. all swimming in a bowl of curry broth goodness.

257. Oh, God.

258. How did I end up doing this for a living?

259. Oh, yeah, dinner is served.

260. Thank you.

261. Mm, where's my

262. I have to say, that's spicy, curried delicious.

263. That was quite a mouthful.

264. Okay, I've had enough. Time to go back to the hotel.

265. My work here is done.

266. With a full night's rest, I'm ready to set out

267. in search of the origins of early Malay culture,

268. so I've arranged to meet a guy

269. who's got ties to old-style Malaysia

270. who can send me in the right direction.

271. We're meeting for lunch at a roadside eatery.

272. Wedged in between a row of auto body repair shops

273. and steel fabricators

274. and aptly named "The Place Under the Big Tree,"

275. this is a locals-only joint.

276. A tourist ain't gonna find this,

277. and I wouldn't stop until I did.

278. So plug up your ears and bring an appetite.

279. My friend, Eddie, is a legendary tattoo artist

280. here in Kuala Lumpur.

281. He's also a full-blooded member of the Iban,

282. one of the oldest tribes in Malaysia.

283. Eddie tells me that if I really want to get back

284. to the purest roots of original Malay culture,

285. the Iban longhouse villages of Sarawak

286. on the island of Borneo are where to go.

287. Three hours' drive from Kuching.

288. Right.

289. And then another three-hour boat ride upriver.

290. These guys not only trace their roots

291. back to before the origins of the country,

292. they also know a thing or two about tattoos.

293. According to Eddie, the journey,

294. or bejalai, as it's called in Sarawak,

295. is an essential part of Iban life.

296. Each tattoo represents

297. a different journey or adventure,

298. knowledge, or experience.

299. I have got to check this place out.

300. But first, I feel a need for my own travel markings.

301. And fortunately, I'm talking to the right guy.

302. So, you're the tattoo guy around here, aren't you?

303. Yeah.

304. Eddie often travels

305. deep into the Borneo jungles

306. to study the traditional arts of tribal tattooing.

307. So, where do these come from?

308. These are original style. This is Iban style.

309. The real warrior tattoos are the ones on the hands,

310. which no one really has anymore

311. because it meant that you had one kill,

312. and that kill has to come

313. with the taking of the enemy's head.

314. If you have never taken the heads of your enemy,

315. you're not allowed to do it.

316. Misfortune and bad luck will follow.

317. Bad will come down

318. on the guy who did the tattoo and the guy who got it?

319. Yeah.

320. Okay, that's a serious consideration.

321. So, that's out.

322. So, I'm planning on getting wrinkly really soon, too.

323. That's another factor.

324. Like a skull — that would look really good,

325. but, like, a wrinkly skull, not so good.

326. Do you do all styles or just traditional?

327. We work with the machine. We work by hand.

328. By hand? What do you mean by hand?

329. Traditional, like how our ancestors used to do

330. with a stick — with a bamboo stick, actually,

331. with a needle attached to the end and a hammer.

332. Bamboo and hammer — sounds appealing.

333. All this talk about punctured skin

334. is making me hungry.

335. Give me some food.

336. Steamed fish head, right? Yeah. Yeah.

337. From a musical cacophony of industrial clanking

338. and the familiar bustle of the kitchen

339. comes the house special —

340. two giant, freshwater grass carp heads,

341. double steamed and sauced with brown bean paste,

342. anise, and curry.

343. At The Place Under the Big Tree,

344. ambience is not the top concern.

345. Here, the focus is on quality food.

346. Oh, man, that looks good.

347. It's all very, very simple to cook.

348. This must be such a great place to live

349. because there's an incredible mix of cultures and cuisines.

350. I mean, you get the best of Chinese, Indian, Malay.

351. It's all here.

352. Some chopsticks, and I'm good.

353. Enough talk — more eat.

354. I need, and don't we all, some head —

355. plenty of fish head.

356. Dig in. Eat.

357. What I like to eat is pretty much this.

358. Small chili, packed with steroids.

359. Yeah, that's good. We like that.

360. Here's something I haven't seen before.

361. A fish stomach.

362. Mmm. It's stomachy.

363. Sometimes you find the best food

364. in the most unusual places.

365. This magnificent meal, and right next door,

366. they're banging away on steel and adjusting shocks.

367. So, any last words of wisdom

368. before I head out into the jungle?

369. Well, if you happen to want

370. to take a leak in the bush or whatever,

371. just ask for permission from the spirits.

372. I will do that.

373. In fact, I think I saw a guy doing that

374. on my doorway in New York,

375. but I don't think he was an Iban.

376. Lunch doesn't stop at fish heads.

377. Next up, it's needles and ink for dessert.

378. I've got a belly full of fish parts,

379. and my "Heart of Darkness" fantasy is to head upriver

380. and experience the roots of early Malay culture.

381. Funky jungle action.

382. And Eddie's gonna give me my passport to the jungle.

383. If I'm getting a tattoo, I want it to kick ass,

384. something that won't make me a laughingstock

385. in front of all my new Iban friends.

386. Something really, you know, fierce, ultra badass.

387. Now, historically, these guys make the Hells Angels

388. look like the Village People,

389. so I don't want the equivalent of a peace sign in Iban.

390. Tell me that's not gonna look good.

391. Screaming, burning skull with eight-ball.

392. No, I think you need to go for something

393. a little bit more delicate.

394. Delicate? Delicate?

395. I need something hard, something that says,

396. "I will shank you like a jailhouse snitch,"

397. something that gives me instant street cred

398. with my new jungle friends.

399. Delicate!

400. I was thinking

401. the Travel Discovery Channel international logo.

402. Oh, what I do for my network.

403. Then again, took me forever

404. to get that Food Network tattoo lasered off.

405. All right, a compromise is reached —

406. an ouroborus,

407. an ancient symbol

408. depicting a snake swallowing its own tail.

409. Eddie can make this cool.

410. He's a master with the ink and needle

411. and is incorporating Iban features

412. in a what might otherwise have been

413. suspiciously hippie.

414. It's gonna be the first

415. traditional Iban-style snake tattoo.

416. Yes. Yes, I like it.

417. Oh, man, I wish I'd seen that before.

418. I'm joining the dubious ranks of Alicia Keys

419. and Mrs. Kevin Federline?

420. Oh, well, I'm in good hands, though, right, Eddie?

421. Eddie?

422. In Iban, this design means,

423. "If you see me in the woods, kill me immediately."

424. Tattoo artist humor.

425. It's the sadism that makes it funny.

426. You're ready?

427. - Yeah, yeah, let's do it. - Okay.

428. I'm getting a traditional Iban tattoo,

429. but Eddie's going with a contemporary method

430. rather than the old-school bamboo and hammer —

431. not that it hurts that much less.

432. It feels like you're being pinched.

433. In the full spectrum of pain,

434. it's all about the extremities.

435. Like, cutting your finger really, really hurts.

436. Getting your penis caught in the doorjamb — I'm guessing.

437. Yes, I'm just guessing.

438. You think Martha Stewart got any jailhouse tats?

439. Right in line with Iban-style tattoos,

440. my new design is simple, black, and bold.

441. Okay, you're done.

442. This is what we call lagu.

443. "Lagu" in Malay means "song,"

444. but Lagu in Iban means "decoration."

445. Anyone Iban who sees it, they'll know that it's Iban.

446. I'm so thrilled with what you did with —

447. like I said, it was a very ordinary design.

448. You made it something really special.

449. Good, man. I hope you like it.

450. I will wear this with pride forever.

451. It was fun torturing him.

452. Now that I'm properly marked up for the jungle,

453. it's time to leave the city behind

454. and head out to more rural surroundings.

455. Eddie has hooked me up with a friend

456. who can guide me into the jungle.

457. We're meeting

458. at a small restaurant in a village, or kampung,

459. outside of town.

460. The first thing I notice when we arrive at the kampung

461. is how things move at a slower pace.

462. Village life revolves around family and food.

463. We are very family oriented people,

464. so matter where we go, how far we went,

465. we still have to come back to our village.

466. Aunty Aini, once a star in the Malaysia movie scene,

467. gave up glamour and glitz

468. to move back to her village roots

469. and open up this little place.

470. My family has always been big into cooking.

471. This is my nephew, the chef.

472. it's great, he's wonderful.

473. He make my food look very pretty, you know?

474. Hi, sweetheart.

475. When such warm, proud, generous people

476. prepare you food, it really shows.

477. Just another of the signs I've come to learn

478. means good food is on the way.

479. What are the elements of a perfect meal?

480. It's not just the food.

481. The perfect meal is always a happy confluence of events —

482. The sound of water dribbling into the trough over there.

483. A thatched roof — good thing.

484. Sitting here bare-footed —

485. huge, and often decisively important factor.

486. And I know I'm about to be fed really, really well.

487. My guide, David, knows what I'm talking about.

488. And before we head out into the jungle,

489. he's gonna walk me through some traditional kampung dishes.

490. All kampung food is best ate with the hands always.

491. Our meal begins with a traditional appetizer

492. made with curry and lemongrass.

493. Really tasty.

494. But in my haste to dive in,

495. I'd forgotten a basic pre-dinner rule.

496. Always wash your hands before you eat.

497. Maximum scrub, minimum pour.

498. Chef Wan would be very disappointed in me.

499. And before I can squeeze in that after-appetizer cigarette,

500. a vast and amazing array of food begins arriving.

501. Ooh, fern salad.

502. This is ritual beef.

503. Yeah, this is tempura.

504. Oh, my God, there's more.

505. Oh, man, this is looking so beautiful.

506. And soon, Aunty Aini herself.

507. Tony, you have to use your hands. I will.

508. Pick, pick, please. I will.

509. This is what we call our really traditional Malay food.

510. So, have you been cooking all your life

511. for either fun or —

512. Actually, at the beginning, it was for fun,

513. but one thing wonderful about this country,

514. when you learn how to cook, you have to learn

515. all the three basic type of food —

516. Indian food, Malay food, and Chinese food —

517. because that's what we have every day.

518. Aini's been proficient in three cuisines

519. since childhood.

520. This is Malay food, but most of the time, in my house,

521. it would be like half curry,

522. half Malay, half something else.

523. And what is this?

524. This is roasted beef cooked with the little beans —

525. It's actually stir-fried.

526. I grew up even more kampung than this.

527. So, it's coming home rather than —

528. Yeah, it's really coming home.

529. In the end, it's your family.

530. That's good enough for me.

531. Good food, beautiful surroundings.

532. I'm sorry to leave here, but the jungle is calling me.

533. I have a meeting with a former Iban headhunter

534. that just can't wait.

535. Tune in later.

536. After a little rest

537. during the two-hour flight from Peninsular Malaysia,

538. we arrive in Kuching on the island of Borneo.

539. Once a mysterious colonial kingdom

540. ruled by a white raja,

541. present-day Kuching is both laid-back and thrilling —

542. a typically Malaysian mix of old and vibrantly new.

543. I'm ready to go someplace where I have no idea where I'm going.

544. For me, the city's a quick stopover on the way upriver,

545. deep into the heart of the country

546. to hang with the Iban.

547. A nourishing breakfast is always a good idea

548. before the serious exertion of traveling rough,

549. and Kuching is famous for one of the most delicious,

550. spicy morning treats —

551. the weapons-grade plutonium of breakfast.

552. We're going for laksa.

553. And my jungle guide David has got the place to eat.

554. Choon Hui. This is breakfast.

555. Breakfast of champions, Kuching-style.

556. Champions, indeed.

557. Behold, laksa.

558. Where'd this dish come from?

559. It originates from here.

560. This is 100% born and bred. Yeah.

561. Is this a countrywide breakfast phenomena, or —

562. No, this is specific to Kuching.

563. Kuching is its capital of laksa, yeah, for sure.

564. It starts off benignly enough

565. with a generous serving of bee hoon noodles.

566. But what comes next

567. takes this dish to a whole new level.

568. Laksa gravy —

569. To call it soup would be insufficient.

570. A spicy, fabulous, hearty hell broth

571. of coconut milk, curry, Sarawak hot chili peppers.

572. Together, it's a liquid whose flavors combine

573. to create a scorchingly hot,

574. yet delicious assault on the senses.

575. It's a masterpiece of pain and pleasure.

576. This is quite a kick start.

577. An ultra spicy breakfast.

578. I hope the plumbing's good in the jungle.

579. It comes with a chili paste on the side.

580. Is this egg?

581. Yeah, fish egg.

582. All right.

583. Fried egg, coconut milk,

584. shrimp, and heat —

585. all your basic food groups.

586. This is a wake-up. It is.

587. The idea of two eggs over easy with bacon

588. just doesn't do it for me anymore.

589. It hurts so good.

590. Yeah. It hurts so good.

591. Just about ready to leave, David tells me more

592. about the Iban and Iban culture.

593. As it turns out, journeys of discovery

594. are something they've been doing for centuries.

595. Now, if you would explain to me the concept of —

596. Bejalai.

597. It's a defined way of life

598. that encourages exploration, travel, the journey.

599. Iban guys, when you come of age,

600. you're expected to make those journeys.

601. Go away... Go away.

602. learn something, get something,

603. acquire something, and come back.

604. This ideal still persists.

605. I need to move.

606. Speaking of which, I think we better make a move.

607. We got a boat to catch.

608. My own journey continues.

609. The jungle is calling.

610. Let's do it.

611. After a four-hour van ride north of Kuching,

612. we finally hit the Skrang River.

613. From here, it'll be at least a three-hour boat ride

614. to the Iban longhouse.

615. Next stop, the Do Lung bridge.

616. It would be nice to get there before dark.

617. Should have brought the cocoa butter.

618. I love this part of making television.

619. I love the idea of the Iban bejalai

620. and maybe my own journey — milking a television career

621. so I can go to cool places

622. that's not too far from their custom.

623. I like to think so, anyway.

624. As I head upriver,

625. I think about all the places I've been

626. and where I've yet to go.

627. This is not the Garden State Parkway, friends.

628. The rivers are still the highways here.

629. So, if I run a spear through my foot,

630. I'm getting medevaced by boat?

631. I'm not jumping in the Land Rover.

632. That's hot.

633. Swimming in the river where we're going,

634. is that like a —

635. Yeah, that's definitely the thing to do.

636. It is?

637. No liver fluke, you know, vampire fish.

638. You'll notice, the further up we go, the clearer it gets.

639. What I am noticing is that the further upriver we go,

640. the more introspective I feel.

641. I wonder if the hardworking producers of "No Reservations"

642. are having similarly deep thoughts.

643. Street gang one, this is blue team one.

644. What's your message?

645. Those kids develop quite a thirst.

646. Estimated time of beer arrival is 20 minutes.

647. That will be a warm beer served with river ice.

648. There will, however, be cold Mountain Dew and Fresca.

649. So, there's a local convenience store up ahead.

650. Sort of very basic items,

651. you know, just the bare necessities.

652. Cigarettes, rubber, beer.

653. Cigarettes, rubber, and beer.

654. Oh, yeah, reminds me of high school.

655. Cold beer? Any possibility of cold beer?

656. No.

657. Warm beer — well, it won't be the first time.

658. Come on, man, the beer's getting cold.

659. Cheers, mate.

660. Cheers.

661. Mmm. 89 thirst-quenching degrees.

662. Well, of course, I'm planning on shaving my head

663. as soon as I get up there.

664. I think that kind of Marlon Brando

665. in "Apocalypse Now" look might be appropriate.

666. Got to bulk up for the part, too.

667. You got to sweat a bit more. Yeah.

668. Why can't I stop making "Apocalypse Now" references?

669. I know this is Malaysia and not Vietnam,

670. but I just can't help it.

671. Let's grab a couple more cold ones for the road.

672. It's impolite not to have a gift in hand for your host,

673. and nothing says "Thanks for having us"

674. like three cases of warm beer.

675. As we continue upriver,

676. we move farther and farther away from the world I know

677. and toward someone else's.

678. It's thrilling to not know where you're going.

679. As the jungle is enveloped in darkness,

680. I hear our destination growing close.

681. The faint strains of music make their way downstream.

682. David has become oddly quiet.

683. My nervous crew was left behind

684. several bends in the river ago,

685. and I'm thinking, "It's dark here, man.

686. Real dark."

687. At this point, I have no idea what to expect.

688. With the sunrise, I see where my journey's taken me —

689. an Iban village deep in the Borneo jungle.

690. The Iban live in longhouses like this one

691. along streams and riverbanks.

692. This particular longhouse village

693. is comprised of 30 families who live in separate apartments

694. joined by a long common area

695. that spans the length of the structure.

696. I'm about as far from New York City as I've ever been,

697. and I'm loving it.

698. Hey, the rooster crow —

699. that's been my alarm clock.

700. It's the kind of place I could get used to.

701. So, what the hell is this I hear

702. about going on a six-hour hike through the jungle?

703. But who am I to complain?

704. I'm the smart guy who's always saying,

705. "Do as the locals do," right?

706. And Itam, a senior member of the tribe,

707. is telling us to move out.

708. And when Itam says march... you march.

709. I'm thinking this way.

710. Having lived in the jungle his whole life,

711. Itam knows this terrain

712. like the back of his tattoo-covered hand.

713. He's a former member of the Sarawak Rangers,

714. an elite paramilitary group

715. who, back in the '50s, specialized

716. in tracking communist insurgents,

717. and, well, terminating them

718. with extremely extreme prejudice.

719. He can still clear 15 miles of thick jungle a day

720. and live in the bush indefinitely.

721. He's been running up these hills like a mountain goat.

722. In other words, he is a serious bad-ass.

723. My plan is to keep

724. the leftist rhetoric to a minimum

725. and try not to fall too far behind.

726. Score one for New York.

727. Hey, maybe I'm getting the hang

728. of this jungle thing after all.

729. Or not.

730. We're stumbling and lumbering through the jungle

731. like crippled elephants.

732. By the way, did I mention Itam's other claim to fame?

733. Perhaps this is a good time to pan the camera

734. to the gentleman's fingers on his left hand.

735. Those tattoos indicate

736. three trips to the boneyard for somebody.

737. Yep, Itam is one of the last generations of Iban

738. to practice the delicate art of headhunting.

739. Think I'm kidding? Stay with me.

740. If you're not getting enough head in your life,

741. tune in later.

742. Whoa, there we go. Timber.

743. Nowadays,

744. he uses his considerable decapitation skills

745. for more hospitable tasks,

746. like helping us procure a snack.

747. Nothing takes the edge off a long hike

748. than some fresh heart of palm.

749. It's delicious.

750. He doesn't stop at just snacks.

751. And in the jungle, that means fresh-caught fish.

752. This time, he gets help from other Iban

753. and, of course, yours truly.

754. Wish me luck.

755. Now, I may be a lot of things,

756. but a spearfisherman ain't one of 'em.

757. They ain't biting.

758. So, I decide to hang back

759. with something more familiar...

760. Care for a warm one?

761. I'm waiting for some to chill over there.

762. and let the experts handle the work.

763. When your lunch is still flopping around

764. as it's being prepared,

765. it's safe to say it's gonna be fresh.

766. Fish straight from the stream,

767. rice and vegetables steamed in bamboo over an open fire —

768. This is as original Malay as you can find anywhere.

769. I dine al fresco whenever possible.

770. A pristine jungle stream,

771. sun on my back, and new friends —

772. This is the way lunch should be enjoyed.

773. Mm, that heart of palm — amazing.

774. Itam's meal is never complete without pork.

775. He's just offered you some.

776. Ah, thank you.

777. Oh, this is the fermented pork?

778. I sometimes feel like

779. I've had enough fermented meat in my life,

780. but hey, Itam says eat it, I eat it.

781. Swallow, Tony. Swallow for your life.

782. Another great meal, and another step closer

783. to the heart of the matter.

784. But I can't rest too long —

785. My inner Kurtz is telling me it's time to move out.

786. Leftwicz, Moose, Ginelli, Martinez, move out.

787. Back at the longhouse, it's time to wait out the storm

788. and take a brief nap before dinner.

789. I may look at peace here,

790. but I'm not exactly having pleasant dreams

791. of what's to come.

792. Okay, well, in some places, you arrive —

793. welcome, drink,

794. a little umbrella, and a piña colada,

795. but here's a little bit different.

796. That's right.

797. Here in the jungle, guests are expected

798. to kill a pig for the welcoming feast.

799. Uh-oh.

800. The Iban have already done most of the work

801. and tied him up in a neat package for their guest.

802. I'm honored. Really, I am, but...

803. It's customary, I'm told, for the honored guest

804. to dispatch the pig with a spear.

805. But I don't want you to think I enjoy this part.

806. I don't.

807. They're honoring your welcome,

808. but killing it right is honoring them, too,

809. because the feast is for them.

810. Listen. This is hard. It's not fun.

811. It's painful to watch. It's painful to do.

812. But that delicious pork chop you ate,

813. it comes from somewhere.

814. Right there? Yes?

815. Why do I suddenly feel like

816. painting my face, putting on The Doors,

817. and sneaking up on Marlon Brando?

818. Sorry, buddy.

819. I am trying very hard to keep my cool here.

820. I'd like to burst into tears, curl into a little ball,

821. and start shaking uncontrollably,

822. but that wouldn't do, would it?

823. Circle of life, right?

824. This pig will feed the whole village —

825. a joyous occasion, badly needed sustenance,

826. and they'll enjoy a dignity in death

827. that he perhaps never had in life.

828. Okay, once he's cooked, that is.

829. Back at the longhouse,

830. there's no time to mourn the animal's passing.

831. Everybody's too busy eating.

832. You could stay in the hotel and have dinner,

833. or you could have dinner with friends.

834. Wow. Cooking him up quick.

835. That's my little friend.

836. Oh, yeah, that's good.

837. Makes that shame and guilt go down a lot easier.

838. And what's better to wash away guilt

839. than a shot of langkau?

840. Homemade rice liquor —

841. the drink of choice for celebrations

842. here at the longhouse.

843. Plastic bottle, it's got to be good.

844. And chances of instant blindness

845. are, I hope, relatively slim.

846. Oh, yeah, that's strong. Phew.

847. More liquor, and then tuak — rice wine.

848. Thank you.

849. Let the feast begin.

850. Phew!

851. Rocket fuel, baby. That burns right through you.

852. Ah. Very good taste.

853. If I were to smoke a cigarette,

854. there'd be flames coming out of my head.

855. Welcome to my world.

856. I love my job.

857. Looking good — Ooh, liver and... liver and heart.

858. All right, the cooking seems under control.

859. What to do, what to do?

860. Celtics — Rangers.

861. Oh!

862. Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo- whoo-whoo-whoo!

863. Whoo-whoo-whoo-boink!

864. Go, Rangers!

865. It wasn't me, I swear. It wasn't me.

866. It was a little kid.

867. I think I hear them calling me for dinner.

868. Guy with the most tattoos gets served first.

869. True, I've eaten food

870. that was prepared with more finesse in my life.

871. But just look where I am.

872. Here's where it all started.

873. I am a lucky, lucky cook.

874. That's some good pig.

875. With dinner out of the way,

876. it's time for some entertainment.

877. Although headhunting hasn't been practiced in some time,

878. in the center of the chief's area is a collection of —

879. you guessed it — proudly displayed skulls.

880. An offering is made before the evening entertainment.

881. It's like a permission fee, you know,

882. to the skulls and spirits of the skulls.

883. The elders dance and show off their tattoos,

884. a source of much pride —

885. a connection between the material and spiritual world,

886. signifying a man's success as a hunter,

887. a warrior, and traveler.

888. Even for an inebriated outsider,

889. the traditions and pride that anchor this village

890. are everywhere to see.

891. I just hope...

892. I can remember

893. all these pricelessly cool moments in the morning.

894. Master killer.

895. It's my last morning in Malaysia,

896. and things are different now.

897. I can say for sure I've had a hell of a time,

898. but what exactly have I gained?

899. How am I changed by what I've seen,

900. by what I've done?

901. Did I go on my own bejalai

902. or was this just another week's work

903. for the flying dutchman traveling TV host —

904. always moving, never staying in one place?

905. Bejalai is about self-discovery

906. as much as it's about discovering the outside world.

907. You go away, you learn,

908. you get scarred, marked, changed in the process,

909. and hopefully, when all is said and done,

910. you're a little bit better for it.

911. You're a journeyman just like them.

912. The fact that you're wearing designs from them,

913. I think, they're quite pleased with that.

914. They're happy to see you just keep going.

915. I will.

916. Cheers. Cheers, everyone.

917. Like it or not,

918. the network is sending a helicopter

919. to airlift me back to the busy world from which I came.

920. Feeling strange about leaving.

921. I don't feel I belong here, but I don't know if I belong

922. back in New York anymore, either.

923. As you've probably noticed,

924. I'm not an expert on the places I visit.

925. I'm not an authority.

926. I'm a visitor, a traveler, an enthusiast.

927. Is it possible to feel enriched

928. and hollowed out at the same time?

929. Travel isn't always pretty.

930. It isn't always comfortable.

931. Sometimes it hurts. It even breaks your heart.

932. But that's okay. The journey changes you.

933. It should change you.

934. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness,

935. in your heart, and on your body.

936. You take something with you.

937. Hopefully, you leave something good behind.

938. Where will I end up next?

939. What's my next journey?

940. Your guess is as good as mine.