Animaniacs 1x45

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On a train to Gettysburg, the Warners help Abraham Lincoln write the opening of the Gettysburg Address.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Enough with the singin' already.

2. Court is in session.

3. Honorable Judge Lupine presiding.

4. Let's get this thing rolling.

5. State v. Slappy Squirrel.

6. Charge is assault with intent to squash.

7. How does the defendant plead?

8. This is an outrage!

9. I can't believe they're givin' this Urkel kid

10. a Golden Wombat Award.

11. He's never even done a spit take.

12. Uh, not guilty as charged, there.

13. Is prosecution ready?

14. Ready to see justice done, Your Honor.

15. Aunt Slappy,

16. I don't think you can get a fair trial here.

17. Whatever gave you that idea?

18. Listen, don't worry about the whole

19. jurisprudence, change of venue,

20. e pluribus unum thing here.

21. I got a dynamite case.

22. Very well, prosecution may proceed.

23. And hurry up. I've got a clog-dancing lesson at 2.

24. I call Walter Wolf to the stand.

25. You've had a horrible experience, haven't you?

26. Oh, yes.

27. I just want this to be over

28. so I can go back to helping people in need.

29. Aww.

30. Oh, please, Walter.

31. If you acted that good in your cartoons,

32. you'd be swimmin' in Oscars.

33. Walter, in your own words,

34. describe the events of June 4th.

35. Well, what really happened was this:

36. I was taking my morning constitutional

37. through the forest,

38. trying, in my small way, to make the woods

39. a better place to live.

40. Good morning, brother birdie.

41. Then, to my surprise,

42. I heard young Skippy Squirrel crying.

43. Why, Skippy, my young friend, whatever happened to you?

44. Aunt Slappy yelled at me for no reason.

45. Oh, now, you mustn't be too harsh

46. on your old aunt.

47. Her brain hasn't gotten any oxygen

48. since the early '70s.

49. It's not her fault.

50. I've brought her a wagon full of yummy cakes.

51. I'll bet they make everything better.

52. I waved a cheerful goodbye to Skippy.

53. Then I merrily pranced to Slappy's house.

54. Walter Wolf, you miserable do-gooder.

55. Good morning, Slappy.

56. I've brought you yummy cakes

57. that will snap you out of your foul mood.

58. Look at your feet.

59. What's the meaning of this,

60. my old friend and associate?

61. I'm gonna get ya, Walter. You know why?

62. For no good reason at all.

63. Hoo! Let me go. I've done nothing.

64. And so, to my dismay,

65. what had begun as a day of good works

66. was fast becoming a carnival of terror.

67. I only wanted to help.

68. Was that such a crime?

69. Of course not, Walter.

70. By the way, golf this Sunday?

71. Sure, Ed. Let's tee off at 9. My best to the missus.

72. No further questions.

73. Your witness.

74. Walter, do you know that you're under oath?

75. Yes. Do you know

76. that perjury is against the law?

77. Yes.

78. Do you know if pita bread and hot root beer

79. will give ya gas?

80. Uh, I don't know.

81. No further questions.

82. Aunt Slappy, why'd you ask that question?

83. I was just curious.

84. State your name.

85. Skippy Squirrel.

86. Occupation?

87. Uh, I'm a squirrel.

88. Ooh, riveting questioning, don't ya think?

89. Now, then,

90. describe for the court what you claim to have seen

91. on the morning of June 4th.

92. Okay, what really happened was this:

93. I was on my way to visit aunt Slappy

94. when Walter Wolf drove by in a huge catapult.

95. He looked so scary that my fur hurt.

96. And so I hid.

97. And then he said:

98. Only Slappy Squirrel

99. stands between me and total control

100. of the woodland.

101. Once she's gone,

102. I'll bend this forest to my fiendish will.

103. Who says you have to be a coyote to set traps?

104. I'm gonna whop Slappy so hard,

105. her IQ will go up 20 points.

106. Bees. I'll toss bees into her home.

107. Nobody likes that.

108. My final act of vengeance on Slappy Squirrel.

109. Ooh, wrongdoing is good.

110. Walter was gonna throw bees

111. at Aunt Slappy. I couldn't believe it.

112. Aunt Slappy is the most nicest squirrel

113. in the whole wide world.

114. I had to warn her.

115. It's a trap, Aunt Slappy!

116. Get lost, ya overgrown rat.

117. And Walter booted me, and I rolled a lot.

118. And then there was all these explosions,

119. and I didn't see what happened.

120. But later, Aunt Slappy came and got me, and we ate a pear.

121. That's the truth.

122. Did you tell him it had jelly in it?

123. Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure.

124. Oh, sorry, are you done?

125. Your witness.

126. Hi, Skippy. Hi, Aunt Slappy.

127. Answer this question to the best of your knowledge:

128. Do you know if Mr. Magoo is in jail in Mexico?

129. Yes.

130. Oh, that's too bad.

131. I always wondered what happened to him.

132. No further questions here.

133. Aunt Slappy, ya gotta ask better questions.

134. They're gonna railroad you.

135. All aboard!

136. Relax. I'm just warmin' up here.

137. I now call to the stand

138. Slappy Squirrel.

139. Slappy Squirrel, take the stand.

140. Ms. Squirrel, tell the court what you claim happened

141. on the morning of June 4th.

142. Just the high points.

143. I have to pick up my kid from Gymboree.

144. This is what really happened:

145. I was sweepin' out some old junk from my house

146. when I heard my nephew.

147. It's a trap, Aunt Slappy!

148. When you get to be my age,

149. you've seen every trap in the book.

150. And sure enough, there was Walter

151. usin' rope-snare trap number 435.

152. This is too embarrassin' to watch.

153. Looks like fourth down and long here.

154. Yow! Ooch! Ow!

155. Oh, I don't like bees.

156. Ouch! Ooh!

157. But who does? Are you kiddin'?

158. Hoo. Hyah! Hoo. Oh.

159. Hoo-ah! Hey, Walter,

160. you look good in a beehive. Ooh! Ah!

161. Ah, somebody stop me.

162. Like the old sayin' goes:

163. "Give someone enough rope...

164. and they'll tie it to a catapult."

165. Eh, somethin' like that.

166. What do you want from me? I'm old.

167. For Walter,

168. it wasn't a bad trap,

169. but it needed a pinch of something extra

170. to make it special.

171. Call me old-fashioned,

172. but I've always been a believer in the big bang theory.

173. So I added enough explosives to blow up Greenland.

174. As a professional, I take my work seriously.

175. As you can see,

176. the way Walter and Skippy told, it was way off.

177. I didn't just squash him.

178. I blasted him into little pieces of lint

179. like you find at the bottom of your purse.

180. Prosecution rests.

181. All finished here.

182. Very well, Slappy.

183. The jury's decision will be final.

184. Has the jury reached a verdict?

185. Uh, we have, Your Honor.

186. Uh, we, the jury, find the defendant,

187. uh, Slappy Squirrel, uh,

188. not guilty.

189. What? No!

190. Good choice.

191. Hoo. You said I couldn't lose!

192. You said everything was taken care of!

193. If you weren't my grandson,

194. I'd really clobber you, you meshuggener.

195. Ow. Cut it out, Grandpa.

196. I'm an attorney. I'm bonded.

197. Wow, Aunt Slappy, that was really neat.

198. But how did you win?

199. I told ya, Skippy,

200. I had a dynamite case.

201. Ha!

202. Now, that's comedy.

203. It's that time again.

204. To chew up airtime?

205. To waste our lives?

206. No, it's time to learn the day's lesson.

207. And to find out what it is,

208. we turn to the Wheel of Morality.

209. Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn.

210. Tell us the lesson that we should learn.

211. Moral number six.

212. And the moral of today's story is:

213. "Possums have pouches like kangaroos."

214. Yipe!

215. Spew.