1. Enough with the singin' already.
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2. I like
the chocolate ones.
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3. Welcome back to the show.
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4. We now review a new laser disc
just released to home video.
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5. It's called
The Best of Looney Tunes,
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6. and it contains such favorites
as Bugs Bunny,
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7. Daffy Duck and Porky Pig.
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8. Let's take a look.
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9. Wabbit twacks.
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10. Kill the wabbit?
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11. That's strange.
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12. All of a sudden
I don't quite feel like myself.
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13. Oh, I feel all right.
And yet I— I, uh—
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14. Are you really
the last of the dodoes?
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15. Yes, I'm really
the last of the dodoes.
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16. That's despicable.
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17. It's so funny.
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18. I have to stop laughing.
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19. I'm gonna throw up.
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20. They love it, Aunt Slappy.
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21. Yeah, yeah.
Enough Bugs Bunny already.
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22. When are they gonna show clips
from my cartoons?
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23. I mean, I'm supposed
to be in this laser beam
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24. doohickey, thingamajig
here somewhere, right?
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25. Yeah, there I am.
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26. Look at my head.
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27. They're just saving the best
for last, Aunt Slappy.
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28. A little heroine worship
never hurt nobody.
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29. Yep, this is perhaps
the best compilation
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30. of Warner cartoons ever.
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31. Unfortunately,
it also includes cartoons
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32. featuring the only Warner's
character that we actually hate.
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33. The terribly unfunny
Slappy Squirrel.
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34. What?
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35. Codger, have you ever laughed
at a Slappy Squirrel cartoon?
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36. Never. She repulses me.
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37. I mean,
she's just not funny.
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38. She never made
a funny cartoon in her life.
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39. Oof!
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40. Let's face it, Slappy Squirrel
is without a doubt
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41. the unfunniest
cartoon character
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42. in the history of animation.
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43. Oof!
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44. So to the collection
of Warner cartoons,
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45. we both give
an enthusiastic
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46. "toes up."
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47. But to the cartoons
of Slappy Squirrel
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48. we both give a big,
smelly "toes down."
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49. And that's our show.
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50. I'm Lean Hisskill.
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51. And I'm Codger Eggbert.
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52. Till next time,
the balcony is ours.
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53. Those mean men.
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54. How could they say
such horrible things?
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55. Now, Skippy,
it's a free country.
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56. Everyone's entitled
to his own opinion.
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57. But they're wrong.
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58. You're the funniest
cartoon character ever.
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59. Calm down, Skippy.
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60. We can't let 'em
get away with it, Aunt Slappy.
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61. Let's go get 'em.
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62. Skippy, no.
What are you thinkin'?
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63. Oh, you're right, Aunt Slappy.
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64. We'll need the big bombs.
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65. That's better, kid.
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66. Come on, let's blow 'em
to kingdom come.
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67. Yay!
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68. Now, here's today's lesson,
Skippy.
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69. If you wanna go
on national TV
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70. and shred someone's career
to pieces,
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71. you have the right.
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72. Right.
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73. But when you do that, remember:
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74. Don't go listin' your
home address in the phone book.
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75. A lesson well-learned.
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76. The home
of Hisskill and Eggbert
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77. unexpectedly exploded today.
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78. But happily,
the two famous movie critics
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79. were away on business
having their legs waxed.
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80. It's sad, really.
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81. And tonight, they'll both
be attending the gala premiere
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82. of Steven Spielberg's
new blockbuster movie.
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83. Skippy,
feel like takin' in a flick?
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84. Well...
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85. Come on, it'll be fun.
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86. Okay.
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87. Well, hi.
Mary Hartless here
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88. at the movie event of the year.
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89. An invitation-only affair
for Hollywood's cultural elite.
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90. Tickets, please,
for Hisskill and Eggbert.
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91. Hisskill and Eggbert,
Hisskill and Eggbert.
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92. Uh, nope, not on the list.
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93. We have invitations, miss.
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94. Yeah, who doesn't?
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95. Listen, you're not on the list,
pally boy,
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96. so take a hike, okay? Next!
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97. Do you know who we are?
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98. We're Hisskill and Eggbert,
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99. world-famous movie critics.
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100. Our review could make or break
this film.
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101. We demand to be let in.
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102. Oh, in that case,
a thousand pardons.
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103. Let me personally
show you to your seats.
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104. That's better.
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105. Your seats
are right here.
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106. Bon voyage-y.
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107. Well, what do ya know?
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108. Their names were
on the list after all.
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109. Oops.
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110. Tickets, please.
Tickets.
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111. Tickets, please.
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112. Hey, look, there's been
an error.
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113. We don't have tickets,
but you have to let us in.
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114. Persistent little buggers,
ain't they?
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115. Sorry, sir.
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116. No ticket, no movie.
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117. Now, listen, you little brat,
we're goin' in there.
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118. Aye-ya!
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119. No way.
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120. Okay, kid, listen.
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121. We'll pay ya to let us in.
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122. No, that would be bribery.
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123. Oh, come on, please?
How much?
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124. We made it!
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125. We're inside! Hooray!
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126. Nice work, Skippy.
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127. You just paid
for your college education.
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128. College, nothin'.
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129. I'm goin' to Vegas.
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130. Get me Siegfried and Roy's
autograph, would ya?
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131. Hurry up, Codger.
Wait.
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132. I just need to get
a quick snack.
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133. May I help you,
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134. or did the Goodyear blimp
just land?
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135. Ha, ha.
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136. Give me a large tub
of popcorn, and hurry.
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137. There you go, Shamu.
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138. You want artificial butter
flavoring on that?
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139. Sure.
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140. All right then.
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141. Does it cost extra?
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142. Artificial butter?
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143. Nah, it's cheap stuff.
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144. Really? What's it made of?
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145. Ah, it's just lard
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146. that I'm liposuctioning
out of your gut.
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147. Ew!
Ick!
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148. Hey, pal, that'll be 7.50.
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149. It's about time.
The movie's starting.
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150. Where's the balcony, kid?
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151. Upstairs, duh.
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152. Come on.
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153. I hope we haven't missed
the opening credits.
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154. Aaagh!
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155. Okay, who's the wise guy
that moved the balcony?
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156. There he is.
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157. Why you incorrigible
little brat.
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158. There's no balcony up there.
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159. Excuse me, I'm the manager.
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160. Is there a problem?
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161. Yes! We wanna be shown
to our seats.
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162. Immediately!
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163. All right, sir, but I'm afraid
the only remaining seats
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164. are in the front row.
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165. Fine. We don't care.
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166. Just take us there. Now!
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167. Right this way.
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168. There ya go.
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169. Enjoy the movie.
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170. Very lifelike.
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171. And the special effects
are astounding.
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172. Ready, aim, fire!
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173. So both Aunt Slappy and I
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174. give Steven Spielberg's
new film
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175. a great big "toes up."
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176. I love a movie
with a happy ending.
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177. So you see, we were wrong
about Slappy Squirrel.
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178. She's funny.
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179. She's the funniest
cartoon character of all time.
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180. These guys are finally
startin' to talk sense.
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181. Slappy Squirrel, we salute ya.
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182. That is, if we had the ability
to move our arms,
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183. we'd salute ya.
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184. And that's our show.
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185. So until next time,
the balcony is—
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186. Blown up.
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187. Now, that's comedy.
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