American Vandal 2x3

1. What's up, my name is DeMarcus Tillman.

2. If you don't already know who I am,

3. you'll find out soon enough.

4. He's an all-around player. He can shoot,

5. pass, he's got the boards, blocks,

6. steals.

7. His speed, his movement is unsurpassed.

8. No one's quicker than DeMarcus.

9. Lateral speed.

10. That's what sets DeMarcus apart.

11. He'll cross you like Kyrie, then cut back like Curry.

12. What are my strengths?

13. I feel like it'd be easier to ask what my weaknesses are.

14. Which really don't think I have any.

15. Oh, yeah, he's always joking.

16. He's joking with the players, with me.

17. He's got the refs laughing.

18. I mean, he's hysterical.

19. But don't let that fool you, he's a competitor.

20. He practices day and night until they close up shop.

21. Back in sixth grade,

22. when we had no fancy court or fancy uniforms or nothing,

23. it was just summer rec league ball.

24. And hand-me-downs back at Rainier Beach.

25. Even back then, you knew D was gon' make it.

26. Think I was like ten years old when I realized—

27. I felt like I was different.

28. When we go out the street,

29. I'd play kids that was older, five, ten years older than me,

30. and it's like I could keep up.

31. Some of those people, they my biggest supporters to this day,

32. 'cause they feel like they watched me grow up.

33. But it all started here.

34. And he's a natural leader.

35. He's got a high basketball IQ, and barring injury,

36. he's going to be a very high lottery pick.

37. Mr. Untouchable.

38. I like that name.

39. We had a game, I think it was my seventh grade year,

40. and it was like 20 seconds left and we was up,

41. so I knew once I inbound it, they wanted to foul me.

42. So when I got the ball, I just had to shout in my mind,

43. "They're not touching you."

44. I'm dribbling around, I'm crossing, running off screens.

45. I felt like Flash,

46. like I was just diving through, cutting through everybody.

47. Snap this guy's ankles, you know?

48. This dude's kneecaps is on the ground.

49. And they couldn't touch him, so, Mr. Untouchable.

50. The violin.

51. The violin is, like, my celebration.

52. You know? It's for the haters.

53. Everybody complaining, everybody got something negative to say.

54. Just trying to explain why they can't touch me.

55. There you go, there's an instrumental for you.

56. For all the sad songs you sing, I got this for you right here.

57. 'Cause I'm Mr. Untouchable.

58. Who is DeMarcus Tillman?

59. He's the premier athlete in the state,

60. the pride of St. Bernardine.

61. And such a prominent fixture of the school,

62. that they put his picture on the high school's homepage,

63. which means if Chloe Lyman's accusations are right,

64. and DeMarcus is the Turd Burglar,

65. responsible for all three crimes,

66. the school had a lot to lose.

67. It was DeMarcus.

68. I know what I saw.

69. It was the day before the Poop Piñata.

70. We were at an away game.

71. The girls had just played and the boys were up next.

72. I ran into him in line at the vending machine.

73. He was getting some Gatorade,

74. and he pulled out this shitty, old wallet,

75. and that's when I saw it.

76. It was a Turd Burglar card, just like the one on Instagram.

77. That's how I knew that Kevin was innocent.

78. No other card looks like it.

79. It's poop.

80. How well do you remember that day?

81. It was a Thursday.

82. We'd just played Tollgate.

83. The girls lost by one point,

84. but the boys won in a landslide.

85. It was honestly over by halftime.

86. And what's your relationship like with DeMarcus?

87. Great. No, I have nothing against DeMarcus.

88. - Oh, yeah!

89. When the girls are playing, he comes out and cheers us on.

90. Pay attention, ref!

91. She's fouling Claire every time!

92. Claire, Beth, Samantha, Becky...

93. So I love DeMarcus. I really do.

94. And did anyone else see the card?

95. Gonzo did, but he's...

96. definitely not gonna talk about it.

97. Why not?

98. He's on the basketball team with DeMarcus.

99. It was hard enough for me to come forward.

100. He's definitely not gonna...

101. That would be bad. No.

102. Well, I was with Chloe.

103. - I feel like she told you that already. - Yeah.

104. Like, I was there with her and she said that she saw the card,

105. but, you know, I saw it, too.

106. But it wasn't like what you guys think it was.

107. It wasn't the Turd Burglar card. It was, um...

108. Have you ever been to the...

109. the Yummy Swirl Yogurt place?

110. - I don't think— - You know—

111. - You've never been there? - No.

112. They hand out these little punch cards, and you get, like, seven you get one free.

113. It was that card. Right?

114. And it looks like it's got a chocolate swirl on it

115. and it looks like shit.

116. I mean, they don't really realize that,

117. but everyone else— like, it looks like shit.

118. So it doesn't look anything like this card?

119. No, it's funny, because it does look like this...

120. Instead of purple, It's more of a deep blue,

121. and there are no googly eyes.

122. But the yogurt swirl does look like the Turd Burglar's avatar:

123. a tight coil of poop.

124. Are you saying that because you're on the basketball team with DeMarcus?

125. No. No, I saw—

126. I promise you,

127. I saw the yogurt.

128. And Gonzo said it was open just for a second, so you could see-

129. - No. - What?

130. No, he left it open until his drink dropped.

131. Really.

132. It was just staring back at me the entire time.

133. But you can see what we're saying.

134. Like, these cards look, like, scarily alike.

135. I see. I can understand.

136. Okay, look.

137. The Yummy Swirl card does not have googly eyes.

138. - Right? - Yes.

139. And I...

140. I was staring at it for a really long time.

141. And I know those eyes.

142. Those are the Turd Burglar eyes.

143. If what Chloe is saying is true,

144. then it looks really bad for DeMarcus.

145. Yeah, that'd be the smoking gun evidence.

146. Exactly.

147. So, if she saw it in the wallet, then DeMarcus is the Turd Burglar.

148. Two conflicting memories of the same event.

149. Different in the smallest, most damning of details.

150. There's no way of knowing which version of the story is the truth.

151. But if DeMarcus did commit the poop crimes,

152. and Kevin is innocent,

153. why would DeMarcus do it?

154. Does he have something against the student body?

155. Is it possible he feels like an outsider,

156. like Kevin?

157. Oh. Let's go!

158. Yeah!

159. Ah!

160. Oh! Yeah.

161. Holy shit. Netflix, what's up, bro?

162. Hi. Peter— Ow.

163. One, two, three, break!

164. Vandal boys. What's up, man? I heard y'all was coming.

165. You grew up in Rainier Beach, correct?

166. You been reading my Wikipedia, huh?

167. Shout out to all the homies in Rainier Beach. We out here. Yeah.

168. Netflix, baby.

169. So, you drive about like, what,

170. maybe like 40 minutes to a town that is really different from your own.

171. Yeah. - Do you feel like a bit of an outsider?

172. Hell no, man. Fuck that.

173. A lot of kids, they be saying Bellevue is bougie and all that,

174. but it's tight.

175. I like all the people here. Like, watch this.

176. Hey, Squeak! Come here, man.

177. Hustle up, baby.

178. This my man Squeak. We look real different, right?

179. But this still my man. It don't matter.

180. I'm no more important to this team than the rest of these guys.

181. Even though I might score 31, 12 rebounds, just nasty,

182. Squeak might get— What you be scoring? Like two free throws?

183. Squeak is still just as important as I am.

184. You feel me?

185. Like, sometimes, low-key, I'll be wondering why he play basketball,

186. 'cause he not that good.

187. I think his mom probably signed him up or something.

188. Like for college, he be needing sports but whatever.

189. Get the hell out of here, Squeak. God damn, man!

190. Squeak want that camera time. But, yeah, that's my man.

191. And so you don't feel any sort of a different class system at all?

192. Nah, if anything, I'm in, like, a higher class.

193. I don't approach it like that.

194. Like, I look down at people with love.

195. Straight up.

196. DeMarcus and Lou are actually pretty great guys.

197. You'd think they'd be like Bill Ryan or Andy Gold on the lacrosse team,

198. but they're not complete assholes.

199. Yo, this my main man Lou right here.

200. You know what it is, most assists on the team, most passes.

201. I mean, he inbound the ball, I take it forecourt and I score

202. - but they count it as an assist for him. - Whatever.

203. A dime a dime. I give it to you, you make the shit.

204. That's my man. I wouldn't do anything without this dude.

205. He the brains behind the future empire.

206. - Straight up. - I hoop, he do marketing,

207. all type of crazy stuff.

208. Like the whole violin thing, I came up with that.

209. - Yup. - I played violin in fifth grade.

210. - I was like, "Bro, that'd be tight." - Yeah. Like, just sing 'em to sleep.

211. - 'Cause they be crying all the time. - Whining.

212. He was like, "Yo, just play the violin." I thought, "That's nasty!"

213. Since then I been playing the violin. It just catch on.

214. These are my people. This is my world.

215. Hey!

216. That's my boy Spinach.

217. I mean, I love the school.

218. I love the people and the people love me. I feel like I'm friends with everybody.

219. Each handshake kind of represents my relationship with that person

220. and part of who that person is.

221. This my man Asian Josh.

222. He really Mexican, though. That's crazy. Get to class, bro.

223. I like to bring out their insecurities

224. and make them more secure with their handshake.

225. Two-tops, butterfly, pinkie promise.

226. Shh, don't tell nobody.

227. She in theater. She's really creative. She made up that handshake actually.

228. A lot of people that's cool, they try to be cool,

229. and that ain't really cool.

230. But being cool with being a weirdo,

231. I think that's super cool.

232. Hey, what's up, man!

233. Like Big Head Ed. His head is so big.

234. But he's cool with it.

235. Boy, that boy head big as shit.

236. He don't try to hide his head and it's like,

237. you gotta accept and respect Big Head Ed.

238. Sister Patty Cakes, how you doing?

239. I'm good, how are you?

240. I think handshakes and nicknames,

241. I think they do the same thing,

242. they serve the same purpose of making people feel more comfortable

243. and making 'em feel special.

244. Remember, jelly at the end.

245. - Jelly? - Finesse.

246. You know what it is?

247. It's like every handshake is like a McNugget.

248. You know, it's completely unique.

249. Well, I don't think every McNugget is completely unique.

250. I think there's only, like, four shapes, actually.

251. For real?

252. Yeah, they only come in four shapes.

253. I just don't see a motive.

254. You know, he gets along with everybody at the school.

255. So, why would he want to commit

256. any of the poop crimes?

257. He wouldn't be doing this to get back at the school, you know?

258. But maybe we're looking at it wrong. Look, pay attention.

259. The police made it seem like this was some dark, vengeful crime,

260. that Kevin was trying to get back at the school for years of bullying.

261. He wanted to shit all over the school because of the Shit Stain McClain.

262. But what if the motive is as simple as a prank?

263. What if this is just DeMarcus thinking that poop is funny?

264. Poop is funny.

265. Exactly, that works for this motive.

266. It seems a little elaborate to just be a prank.

267. It is elaborate,

268. but it's not the first time St. Bernardine dealt with such an intricate prank.

269. And more importantly,

270. it's not the first time a star athlete has been accused of pulling one off.

271. Sir Fuxalot was hilarious.

272. Nobody knew what happened to the mascot costume.

273. It just disappeared

274. and somebody just started posting signs all over the school.

275. When the costume went missing, we knew we were screwed.

276. We had the biggest competition of the year that weekend.

277. We had to rent this cheap Halloween knight costume.

278. I'm pretty sure that's why we didn't place that year.

279. The cheerleaders got all butthurt about it.

280. Especially Paige Burton. She flipped her shit.

281. That's when the costume showed up online.

282. Somebody took the mascot costume and started going around

283. and started taking pictures and posting them on Instagram.

284. All of the posts were directed at Paige Burton.

285. "I'm depressed, drunk, and horny for thee, Paige.

286. Yeah, the faculty said they didn't know who did it,

287. but they knew.

288. We knew it had to be Perry.

289. Who else would Photoshop Paige Burton's face next to a purple dildo?

290. Paige was pissed. This thing went on for weeks.

291. Like, what could she do about it? It was Perry.

292. Perry Coleman,

293. St. Bernardine's top basketball prospect from 2016.

294. Everybody knew it was Perry,

295. but nobody called him out on it.

296. Not only did Perry face no repercussions for his prank,

297. he was revered for it.

298. That shit was next level, you feel me?

299. Like, who puts a big dick on a mascot costume?

300. That shit is so funny.

301. He was always thinking of stuff like that, man.

302. Like, that dude is probably the funniest motherfucker I ever met.

303. DeMarcus idolizes Perry.

304. He wants to be just like him.

305. DeMarcus would like and comment on the Sir Fuxalot Instagram,

306. then two years later, Perry would like and comment

307. on the Turd Burglar Instagram.

308. Is it possible that DeMarcus' motive for the Turd Burglar

309. is no different than Perry's?

310. Simply a prank he knew he'd get away with?

311. If St. Bernardine is a school that turns a blind eye to its athletes,

312. what else went overlooked?

313. When do privileges and freedoms

314. become free rein?

315. DeMarcus can go anywhere he wants in this school.

316. He has more access than anyone.

317. Yeah, no, DeMarcus is real tight with the cafeteria staff.

318. He gets free food, whatever. They all love him.

319. We'll hook him up a little bit.

320. You know, 'cause we came from the same place, so,

321. I have to look out for him.

322. He's a good kid.

323. He wished my boy a happy birthday last year.

324. Happy birthday. Hopefully, one day you can grow up

325. and make chicken fingers just as good as your dad.

326. Yo, this motherfucker right here make the greatest chicken nuggets,

327. the best I ever had.

328. You know? Ay, I apologize for cussing,

329. but one day you gon' learn it anyway, so that's my gift from me to you.

330. Fuck it, happy birthday, bro. Turn up.

331. - Happy birthday, baby boy. - Yeah.

332. He's got more access to that place than anyone.

333. Doesn't matter. Open, closed...

334. He kind of gets whatever he wants.

335. The police claimed that Kevin snuck into the kitchen

336. through the back door during the fire alarm,

337. but DeMarcus wouldn't have had to sneak at all.

338. Thanks to his relationship with the lunch staff,

339. DeMarcus could have walked right through the front.

340. - Saint... Bernie!

341. Fuck yeah!

342. My bad. Heck yeah!

343. Could DeMarcus' status have also given him access

344. to the launchers? And a front row seat

345. to another poop crime?

346. Oh, yeah!

347. The T-shirt launchers,

348. they're in the locker room, the athletics locker room,

349. right off the main gym.

350. It's not the locker room for phys-ed or anything else.

351. You have to be an athlete to get into that locker room.

352. DeMarcus is always practicing.

353. Before school, after school, free periods.

354. Of course DeMarcus had access. Every athlete does.

355. But you know who doesn't? Kevin.

356. We now approach the end of my 200-yard radius.

357. So I'm either at home with my sister and my grandmother,

358. or here, at the 24 Stop.

359. - I spat. So what? Oh. - Thanks.

360. Imagine seeing me

361. in the basketball locker room before the pep rally.

362. I-I... The Fruit Ninja.

363. Kevin McClain.

364. There was not one witness saying that they saw

365. Kevin McClain in the locker room.

366. Don't you think that I would be noticed?

367. It would be like seeing DeMarcus at the Philharmonic.

368. And Kevin has a point.

369. There's no question that the gym is a home to DeMarcus.

370. But what about Ms. Montgomery's English classroom?

371. Would he get special treatment there, too?

372. Well, we know that DeMarcus and Ms. Montgomery

373. have a history together.

374. Because of the poem. - Yes.

375. So, DeMarcus wrote a poem last year.

376. Jesus, that poem.

377. [Lil K] DeMarcus named his poem

378. "Out of Bounds: A Baller's Promise."

379. "Through the hoop, through the hole

380. And that is my truth

381. The ball is my soul"

382. That poem was closer to Dr. Seuss

383. than it was to...

384. a more serious poet.

385. "You may not be pretty

386. Or have lips to kiss

387. But when you slip through that hoop"

388. "It feels like pure bliss"

389. Ms. Montgomery is, like, obsessed with DeMarcus.

390. I think of myself as Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side.

391. Um...

392. And just being so connected

393. with my students,

394. the way Sandra was connected with, um...

395. ah, the black kid in that movie.

396. He was great. Love him.

397. So, she published it in the school newspaper without asking him.

398. I honestly felt bad for him.

399. How could you not?

400. People started to post it online,

401. then other schools started to see it.

402. Everybody got their hands on it. I'm talking Hendricken, La Salle.

403. And the whole fuckin' student section would chant it during his free throws.

404. Through the hoop! Through the hole!

405. The net is my truth! The ball is my soul!

406. It was insane. It got a little out of hand.

407. The net is my truth! The ball is my soul!

408. I don't really got a problem with Ms. Montgomery.

409. But I low-key feel like she shouldn't have shared that poem.

410. You know what I mean? That shit was supposed to be private.

411. But she let everybody see the poem.

412. First off, I really don't even do homework,

413. so when I decided to do that, I thought it would be fun.

414. I really didn't put a lot into it, but it was my first poem ever.

415. I feel like Shakespeare's first poem was probably trash, too.

416. My first poem was probably better than his.

417. And look who he grew up to be.

418. Like, one of the most famous white people ever.

419. I felt bad the other kids weren't mature enough to appreciate his poem,

420. and it was my fault.

421. So now I let him use my classroom.

422. You know, when he needs to nap or listen to music.

423. I've actually grown to like some of his music.

424. I can always tell DeMarcus is in her classroom,

425. - 'cause I can hear Migos playing.

426. DeMarcus clearly had access to Ms. Montgomery's room,

427. and it's a recurring theme.

428. The Turd Burglar committed three crimes in three rooms

429. where DeMarcus Tillman had special privileges.

430. Was DeMarcus ever questioned regarding the Turd Burglar crimes?

431. You're asking me if

432. our star basketball player was

433. questioned for the Turd Burglar crimes?

434. No.

435. Well, it's just his access is almost unparalleled—

436. DeMarcus, he doesn't have time to fool around and play pranks.

437. I know his schedule.

438. He's either in the classroom or on the court practicing.

439. Yeah, but where was he during the fire drill on November 6th?

440. He was with me.

441. And what about the lunch on November 10th?

442. With me.

443. And the lunch on the 14th?

444. With me and the rest of the players.

445. If Coach Devlin is right,

446. if DeMarcus hasn't missed a single practice at lunch

447. and was with Devlin during the fire drill,

448. then there's no way DeMarcus could have committed any of these crimes.

449. The lemonade was tainted during the fire drill.

450. Ms. Montgomery's class was only unattended at lunch.

451. And the T-shirt cannons would have had to have been loaded

452. right before the pep rally during lunch.

453. So if what Coach Devlin is saying is accurate,

454. then DeMarcus has a rock-solid alibi

455. for all three crimes.

456. One that's corroborated by a faculty member.

457. Of course Coach Devlin is DeMarcus' alibi.

458. He's lying.

459. DeMarcus is Coach Devlin's golden goose.

460. I do not go to an academic institution with a basketball program.

461. I attend a basketball business with an academic facade.

462. It's a bold accusation,

463. but could there be truth in it?

464. St. Bernardine does pull in a lot of money from its basketball program,

465. but would the administration actively cover for an athlete

466. to save their revenue stream?

467. All at the expense of a student like Kevin?

468. Athletics are important at St. Bernardine,

469. but you have to remember that athletics helps with donations,

470. it helps with enrollment.

471. We wouldn't have these great facilities here at St. Bernardine

472. without the successful athletics program.

473. But our curriculum is one of the toughest in the state.

474. We have a saying.

475. It's, "Greatness on the field, excellence in the classroom."

476. "Greatness on the field, excellence in the classroom"?

477. It's fuckin' bullshit.

478. DeMarcus's grades jumped dramatically at St. Bernardine.

479. He went from a 2.04 GPA at Deer River Junior High...

480. to a 3.41 at St. Bernie.

481. I mean, the athletes have it so easy here.

482. Like, they're taking zoology while we're doing microbiology.

483. A lot of people say zoology is bullshit. I disagree.

484. Think about other classes, like math,

485. where you gotta deal with imaginary numbers.

486. They're not real, bro. They're imaginary.

487. That's pointless. It's irrelevant to my life.

488. But zoology is different.

489. Like, for instance, did you know dolphins weren't fish?

490. Dolphins are mammals, bro. That's crazy.

491. Like, they're just like us, they just swim.

492. And they have, like, smoother skin.

493. I mean, athletes have it easy at St. Bernie's,

494. but DeMarcus...

495. No, he can get away with anything he wants.

496. Hello?

497. I'm sorry, my bad. I gotta take this.

498. If he wants a hall pass, he just goes to Devlin.

499. Late slip, Devlin. Detention, Devlin.

500. I mean, the guy wields so much power.

501. Honestly, the school would fire the principal

502. before they would fire Devlin.

503. He brings in all the money.

504. And because of that, all the athletes are treated different.

505. Guys like DeMarcus,

506. they live above the law.

507. If an athlete does something stupid,

508. they just get a warning and a pass.

509. But if someone else that's not an athlete does it,

510. it's a detention, or they get suspended or expelled.

511. Look, Perry Coleman only got away with Sir Fuxalot

512. because he was an athlete.

513. Like, look what happened to Grayson Wentz that same year.

514. A few years back,

515. the school forgot to block Twitter in the computer lab,

516. so a bunch of kids were logging on and tweeting during class.

517. The thing is, a bunch of dumbasses left their accounts logged in.

518. [Lil K] If you leave your shit logged in, people are gonna fuck with it.

519. It's like when you fall asleep with your shoes on,

520. people are gonna draw a dick on your face.

521. Grayson? I guess Grayson fucked with one too many people

522. and the administration got pissed.

523. I had discovered Grayson, um...

524. who, you know, had typically been a pretty troubled kid, uh...

525. I discovered he was tweeting some pretty unsavory stuff.

526. A tweet from March 2016,

527. from his classmate's account.

528. "My dick's gonna fall off.

529. @jessrodriguez99 infected me with crotch goblins.

530. As you probably are aware, these computers are supposed to be used

531. for nothing but schoolwork.

532. You know, least of all, cyberbullying and...

533. And, so yeah,

534. I turned that case over to the disciplinary council,

535. and sadly for Grayson, uh...

536. he was expelled.

537. Grayson's a weirdo, but I couldn't believe they actually expelled him

538. over a few tweets about "chlamyds."

539. So, do you mind telling me your story and exactly how you...

540. ended up here.

541. Yeah, sure. I made a joke

542. through Twitter

543. to Jess Rodriguez and they kicked me out of the fucking school,

544. Mr. Gesualdi, the computer teacher, knew it was me

545. 'cause I did it from the computer lab, and ta-da, here I am,

546. kicked out and livin' large.

547. Once the fraudulent tweets

548. were brought to the administration's attention,

549. swift action was taken against Grayson Wentz.

550. He was expelled a week later

551. What Grayson did was irredeemable,

552. but it's exactly what Perry Coleman did to Paige Burton.

553. People treated Sir Fuxalot like it was so funny.

554. Hmm... It just wasn't funny to me.

555. Every day in the hallway, people are shouting,

556. "When you gonna fuck the knight?"

557. Or, "You really blow the Duxbury Dolphin?"

558. It was humiliating.

559. I go to the administration and I tell what Perry did

560. and nothing happened.

561. And I filed multiple complaints

562. and Perry never even got questioned.

563. Nobody cared.

564. What happened to Perry?

565. A pat on the back and a platitude about boys being boys.

566. See, that is the difference between being a star athlete

567. and just your run-of-the-mill St. Bernardine student.

568. If we could throw a ball through a hoop,

569. perhaps it would be a different story.

570. Do you feel like maybe they treated you differently than Perry Coleman?

571. I mean, do you know what he did to her?

572. - It's kinda like fucked up, you know? - Yeah.

573. I did, like, three or four tweets and I'm expelled.

574. He does, like, months of shit to this girl.

575. And he ends up at UCLA. I mean...

576. St. Bernardine is all about basketball.

577. It's the lifeblood of the school.

578. DeMarcus Tillman can get away with murder.

579. Guys like Kevin and me,

580. well, we're easy scapegoats.

581. That's why they end up at UCLA,

582. and we end up with ankle bracelets,

583. and a job at the fucking Kirkland Mall.

584. Is there a double standard at St. Bernardine?

585. Would the administration go as far as covering up a crime

586. committed by their most valuable asset?

587. Would they let an innocent man take the fall?

588. So I wanted to sit down with you because...

589. we have reason to believe that Kevin McClain

590. - may not be the Turd Burglar. - Oh, shit.

591. Isn't it true that Perry Coleman was a...

592. was a pretty notorious prankster

593. at St. Bernardine while he was here?

594. Wait. You suggesting that fucking Perry did it?

595. You know he lives in LA?

596. I don't believe that Perry Coleman did it.

597. It's just...

598. it seems to me that...

599. Perry almost set a precedent that athletes pull off pranks,

600. and that, you know...

601. it seems as if you look up to him,

602. you guys even share the same basketball number.

603. Are you—

604. You're suggesting that I'm the Turd Burglar?

605. I'm just asking a few questions, that's all.

606. Okay.

607. Are you a fan of Yummy Swirl Yogurt?

608. It's fucking yogurt. Yeah. What about it?

609. So...

610. So you like Yummy— Have you ever been there?

611. Bro, why are you asking me about yogurt?

612. You want to get to the crime.

613. Kevin said he did it, you don't believe he did it.

614. You're bringing up Perry, but you don't believe he did it.

615. And for no reason at all, you believe I did it.

616. And for some reason we're talking about yogurt.

617. Shit, bro, I'm done with your little yogurt talk.

618. I like yogurt. Is that what you want to hear?

619. All flavors.

620. Pistachio. Cookies and cream.

621. - Potato salad.

622. Put the fuckin' circle balls with the little fruit flavors,

623. but it's just juice in the middle.

624. All that stuff, bro.

625. I'm a yogurt connoisseur!

626. What is life like for someone like DeMarcus Tillman?

627. Someone who's been larger-than-life since the day he was born.

628. Someone who's been showered with praise and attention

629. for as long as he can remember.

630. Who is treated like he can do no wrong.

631. Hello?

632. As if his actions have no consequences.

633. Someone who walks between the raindrops.

634. - What does that do to you mentally?

635. Would you feel

636. untouchable?

637. How far would you push your luck?

638. Don't prod me. I'm sorry for being mean to you.

639. I'm sensitive sometimes.

640. You know what, if you need anything, let me know.

641. I ain't going nowhere, Pete.

642. If you were untouchable...

643. - I'm going nowhere. - ... how bold would you be?