American Gods 1x2

1. Shadow, we're gonna be releasing you

2. later this afternoon.

3. Your wife...

4. .. she died in the early hours of this morning.

5. It was a... an automobile accident.

6. You lost something vital in there, not just time.

7. If I was inclined, what might I call you?

8. I could be Mr Wednesday with a shake of the hand.

9. How much has our man told you?

10. You're my man now.

11. Do you know who he is? Who he really is?

12. Oh, she long dead.

13. She wouldn't give it up for Hannes up there,

14. so he threw her off the boat.

15. Did you know your momma couldn't swim?

16. You all need to work on that.

17. Take swimming lessons. This is how we get stereotypes.

18. Anansi.

19. You want help?

20. Fine.

21. Let me tell you a story.

22. "Once upon a time,

23. "a man got fucked."

24. Now how is that for a story?

25. 'Cause that's the story of black people in America.

26. Shit.

27. You all don't know you black yet.

28. You think you just people.

29. Let me be the first to tell you

30. that you are all black.

31. The moment these Dutch motherfuckers set foot here

32. and decided they white

33. and you get to be black

34. and that's the nice name they call you...

35. Let me paint a picture

36. of what's waiting for you on the shore.

37. You arrives in America,

38. land of opportunity, milk and honey,

39. and guess what.

40. You all get to be slaves.

41. Split up, sold off

42. and worked to death.

43. The lucky ones get Sunday off

44. to sleep and fuck and make more slaves

45. and all for what?

46. For cotton?

47. Indigo?

48. For a fucking purple shirt?

49. The ONLY good news is

50. the tobacco your grandkids are gonna farm for free is

51. gonna give a shitload of these white motherfuckers cancer.

52. And I ain't even started yet.

53. A hundred years later,

54. you are fucked.

55. A hundred years after that...

56. .. fucked.

57. A hundred years after you get free,

58. you still getting fucked out a job

59. and shot at by police.

60. You see what I'm saying?

61. This guy gets it.

62. I like him.

63. He's getting angry.

64. Angry is good.

65. Angry... gets... shit... done.

66. You shed tears for Compe Anansi

67. and here he is, telling you...

68. ..you are staring down the barrel

69. of 300 years of subjugation,

70. racist bullshit and heart disease.

71. He is telling you

72. there isn't one goddamn reason

73. you shouldn't go up there right now

74. and slit the throats

75. of every last one of these Dutch motherfuckers

76. and set fire to this ship!

77. You already dead, asshole.

78. At least die a sacrifice

79. for something worthwhile.

80. Let the motherfucker burn!

81. Let it all... burn!

82. Were you shot at?

83. No.

84. If you were, I have to call the cops.

85. No.

86. No. No cops.

87. The fuck you do?

88. Why, it depends on who you ask.

89. You ask the girl's mother,

90. she'll say I did a series of unspeakable things.

91. You ask that mouth-breather she calls her boyfriend,

92. he'll be at a loss for words.

93. But you ask the girl herself,

94. I'm guessing she'll say I opened a few doors.

95. Come on, ask her yourself.

96. Well?

97. I'm asking you what do you know about a slaughtered lynch mob?

98. I don't know what the fuck you speak of.

99. I was merely passing the time as instinct indicated,

100. while you were paying your last respects

101. to your dearly departed.

102. How was the funeral?

103. It's over.

104. - Do you want to talk about it? - You just... just...

105. Jeez, you fuck.

106. Hey. Hey.

107. Hey, you... you hungry?

108. I mean, they got no food here,

109. but you can order a pizza and put it on the room.

110. Look, I'm not fucking hungry! OK?

111. I was just hijacked by a toad skin smoking punk

112. in a virtual fucking limo.

113. Oh.

114. Said to tell you he's reprogrammed reality.

115. Mm, mm, mm. What a little asshole!

116. - Oh, you know him? - Oh, I know who he is.

117. They don't have a clue. They don't have a fucking clue!

118. I don't have a fucking clue. OK?

119. I don't give a fuck if they don't have a fucking clue.

120. I want one. Give me a fucking clue.

121. Clues were not in the agreement.

122. Oh, neither was my ass hanging from a fucking tree.

123. I was lynched.

124. Strange fucking fruit.

125. Plucked... plucky fruit. Here you stand.

126. Unusual outcome for a lynching.

127. Chalk it all up to occupational hazard.

128. And occupational hazard gets hazard pay.

129. Double your salary. That do it?

130. - It'll do something. - Good.

131. Compact amended.

132. How much longer you gonna be in this town?

133. I don't know. Maybe another day.

134. Alright. You're done here, we're done here.

135. Goodnight. Your first bed as a free man. Enjoy it.

136. Shadow?

137. About that little shit in the big limo.

138. An assault on you is an insult to me.

139. Don't think because I didn't lose my temper

140. I'm not angry or I'm lacking a plan.

141. I didn't mean to wake you.

142. Laura.

143. They told me you died.

144. Who said I died, puppy?

145. Everyone.

146. Oh, you were just having a bad dream.

147. You going to miss it?

148. Eagle Point?

149. No.

150. Too many Laura memories.

151. Never really had a life here.

152. It's Laura's town.

153. Too many people tell each other

154. not to repress their emotions,

155. to release their feelings, to let the pain go.

156. There's a lot to be said for bottling up emotions.

157. I'm gonna tell you something

158. and you're gonna want to hurt me.

159. But what I say has got to be said.

160. So I want you to consider my words very carefully

161. and refrain from knocking my teeth out.

162. Say it.

163. Word on the street is

164. your wife died sucking your best friend's cock.

165. And you, sir, are only obligated to feel bad about that

166. for so long.

167. Thank you...

168. .. for warning me.

169. Why coin tricks?

170. You don't really have the personality to be a magician.

171. You can't weave the stories that are necessary for belief

172. unless you have a little personality.

173. Wow.

174. - You do have craft, though. - Thank you.

175. Turn off here.

176. No, the highway's ahead.

177. We're not taking the highway. Not now, not ever.

178. - No highways. - OK, OK, no highways.

179. - Why no highways? - Seen one, seen 'em all.

180. No chance for serendipitous lovely.

181. Let there be beauty where there can be.

182. And keep her under 70, would you, huh?

183. - Betty likes a slow ride. - So what's the plan?

184. Plan is we will be meeting with a number of people

185. preeminent in their respective fields.

186. And then we will rendezvous

187. at one of the most important places in the entire country.

188. Where is the most important place in the country?

189. One of the most important places.

190. Opinion is justifiably varied.

191. But we will be stopping in Chicago first.

192. What's in Chicago?

193. My hammer.

194. I've got a meeting in here

195. and I want you to do some shopping for me.

196. Here's $1,000 and a list of things to get.

197. Don't like dropping in on friends empty-handed.

198. Money situation's a little tight at the moment,

199. so we can agree now you bring me receipts

200. or you don't skim more than a reasonable 5%.

201. Oh... I'm not gonna steal from you.

202. You can't look out for yourself,

203. how the hell you gonna look out for me?

204. Not so fast.

205. We need to talk, Shadow.

206. Look at me, Shadow. All in high-def.

207. We shot the show in 35mm. Cutting edge.

208. Looks like hell in the transfer.

209. Funny how things supposed to make you look good

210. only make it worse.

211. I can't even fill the whole screen.

212. What the fuck is this?

213. Just little old me.

214. I'm talking to Lucille Ball.

215. Lucy Ricardo.

216. I'm all sorts, Shadow.

217. The screen's the altar.

218. I'm the one they sacrifice to.

219. Then till now.

220. Golden age to golden age.

221. They sit side by side, ignore each other

222. and give it up to me.

223. Now they hold a smaller screen in their lap

224. or in the palm of their hand

225. so they don't get bored watching the big one.

226. Time and attention -

227. better than lamb's blood.

228. Huh!

229. They beat your pretty face all up.

230. I hate that.

231. I hate that they were hurting you, Shadow.

232. I would never do that to you, honey.

233. No. I want to offer you a job.

234. - Doing what? - Working for me.

235. I want you in my camp with us.

236. Look at it like this, Shadow.

237. We're the coming thing.

238. We are already here.

239. We are self-driving cars and 3-D printers

240. and subdermal time-release insulin.

241. Your old boss is still selling oranges on the side of the road.

242. Not even organic.

243. We are now and tomorrow

244. and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.

245. And he ain't even yesterday anymore.

246. I heard about the trouble you had with the Technical Boy.

247. I was impressed with how you dealt with him.

248. Efficient, no-nonsense, effective.

249. Who'd have thought you had it in you?

250. He was underestimating you, sweetheart.

251. They all are.

252. Not a mistake I'll make.

253. Yeah, well, I don't want to work for you, 'I Love Lucy'.

254. We're done.

255. Whatever the old guys are giving you,

256. I can give you so much more.

257. You name it, honey.

258. What do you need?

259. Hey, you ever wanted to see Lucy's tits?

260. Lucy!

261. Don't fight gravity, Shadow.

262. I've been at this a while.

263. Not as long as some,

264. but I've seen things.

265. Guys like you end up a suicide every time.

266. I'm trying to help you keep your neck out of the belt.

267. That went as well as can be expected.

268. You all gassed up and ready to go?

269. I think I'm losing my mind.

270. Well, when will you know for sure?

271. I've heard of guys losing it when they get out.

272. Are you trying to wiggle your way out of this job?

273. Lucy... 'I Love Lucy' talked to me.

274. Oh, the television program?

275. No, Lucy herself came...

276. - This is so fucking crazy. - The rest of your life is sane?

277. Lucy talking to me from the TV is much, much weirder

278. than anything that's ever happened to me.

279. So far.

280. Oh, at times the universe does seem to have singled you out

281. for unique abuse.

282. In these moments, you got to ask yourself,

283. "Would I rather be ignored?"

284. Yes.

285. OK, yes, ignore me.

286. Always better dead than forgotten.

287. And no-one is ever gonna forget you.

288. Now, flattering as that may be,

289. this, on top of your other adventures, hm...

290. A sudden onset of strange.

291. Fair cause for consternation, unless strange is a new language

292. and what we're doing here is vocabulary building.

293. Fuck your vocabulary.

294. OK? This is gibberish.

295. Seems you have a choice.

296. You may have to consider

297. that you didn't see what you saw.

298. - Or...? - Or you did.

299. The world is either crazy or you are.

300. They're both solid options. Take your pick.

301. And when you decide, come and tell me.

302. But don't rush into it. Take your time.

303. Difficult decision.

304. They threatened to reprogram reality.

305. I mean, is... Is that what this is?

306. Are they just fucking with my head?

307. Are you fucking with my head?

308. There are bigger sacrifices

309. one might be asked to make

310. than going a little mad.

311. Yeah, this is good. This is very good.

312. You can read a list. What...?

313. What the hell is this?

314. - You don't have one. - I don't want one.

315. Well, you need one. What if someone wants to talk to you?

316. Why the hell would I want to talk to anyone?

317. OK, what if I need to talk to you, huh?

318. - Try shouting. - What...?

319. Or in a pinch...

320. ..a telegram.

321. Oh, you know, I miss those.

322. Dots and dashes, secret code.

323. There was drama in there.

324. Someone gave you an envelope, you got anticipation.

325. What's in there? So you'd open it very slowly.

326. Every phrase chosen carefully,

327. 'cause they charge you by the word.

328. First wire ever sent,

329. by Samuel F.B. Morse himself in 1844.

330. "What hath God wrought?"

331. Goddamn information age is what.

332. Best thing about these states we're headed towards,

333. Minnesota, Wisconsin,

334. is that they have the kind of women

335. that I loved when I was younger.

336. Pale-skinned, blue-eyed.

337. Hair so fair it's almost white.

338. Wine-coloured lips,

339. full round breasts

340. with veins running through them like a good cheese.

341. Only when you were younger? You did alright last night.

342. You want to know the secret of my success?

343. The secret is charm.

344. Yeah, well, you either got it or you don't.

345. Charms can be learned like anything else.

346. Zorya Vechernyaya.

347. He don't going to be happy to see you.

348. Organic bullshit.

349. Of course you come after I do shopping.

350. Now I have to send back to store

351. to make enough for tonight for supper.

352. You bad news.

353. I only come when matters are vital, as they are now.

354. God, you are gorgeous.

355. You have not aged. Hm?

356. And I brought you a present.

357. And... for your sister.

358. And for your sister.

359. Zorya Ultrennyaya!

360. She is awake.

361. Our other sister is still asleep.

362. Something to warm your bedside table.

363. Our guests stay for dinner.

364. Go back to store.

365. A roast, six potatoes, a rye loaf with seeds.

366. No seeds, take the wheat.

367. - I can help. - You sit. You are guest.

368. Coffee first.

369. The Zorya sisters always make a marvellous home.

370. We do OK. We pay rent on time even.

371. We make some money from the slaughterhouse.

372. My sister and I make a dollar here, a dollar there

373. reading fortune.

374. I make the most, of course.

375. It's because you tell the prettiest lies.

376. The truth is not what people want to hear.

377. Prettiest woman, prettiest lies.

378. Oh, black as night,

379. sweet as sin.

380. You take coffee, then I read your future.

381. You want from me. My sisters are garbage.

382. You do not believe in fortunes.

383. I think that...

384. .. we're all fucked any way it comes out.

385. You know? So...

386. Seeing that before it happens is just playing the odds.

387. Ha! You go sit, be comfortable.

388. Washroom is second door, not third.

389. The third you do not touch.

390. My other sister is sleeping inside.

391. - She needs her rest. - Is she sick?

392. He does not know our world.

393. I'm easing him in.

394. You are worst man I have ever seen.

395. - That smell. - We have guest.

396. We have two guests.

397. Oh. Votan!

398. Nice to see you, Czernobog, old friend.

399. I brought a gift.

400. Yeah?

401. And some of that herb Havarti you like so much.

402. Why is he in my home?

403. Make him not be here or I make him not be here.

404. I already invite him for dinner. I cannot uninvite.

405. I come here only to share bread and information.

406. What you choose to do with the latter is entirely up to you.

407. Already he's spitting on my rug.

408. Just a few moments of your time,

409. while my man here helps the ladies

410. prepare a delicious meal, I'm sure.

411. For old times' sake.

412. Hm?

413. Make dinner first.

414. - I'd be happy to help. - I murder you first.

415. Think your husband might beat you to it.

416. Czernobog is nobody's husband. I'm nobody's wife.

417. Relatives.

418. We come over here together long time ago.

419. Family is who you survive with when you need to survive.

420. Even if you do not like them.

421. Everything looks great.

422. Meat will be tough, potatoes will be soft.

423. I am not a good cook.

424. When I was young, there were servants to make meals.

425. Here, there are no servants.

426. There's only us, and learning is beneath me.

427. Thought you were supposed to read tea leaves.

428. Tea is disgusting.

429. So what does it say?

430. You will have a long life

431. and a happy one, with many children.

432. That bad, huh? Any good news?

433. Your mother die of cancer.

434. Yeah.

435. You no die of cancer.

436. Can you get out?

437. I want you to get out

438. and take your man with you.

439. - Or I will break him open... - Shh!

440. .. and I will choke you slowly...

441. - Shh! - .. with his heart.

442. I'm not going with you anywhere!

443. - Shh! - What's the matter?

444. Let her wake up - let your sister hear this con man,

445. this sonofabitch, come into my home

446. and try to make me die.

447. You brought that madness into my life once.

448. - Never again. - They'll all be there.

449. Everyone except you.

450. Each of them thinking they know what strong is.

451. And if you're not there to show them otherwise...

452. They respect you.

453. - They KNOW you. - No, no, they don't know me.

454. YOU know me.

455. You know what these hands have done.

456. You don't want me, you want my brother

457. and he's not here.

458. Then we'll die.

459. It will be glorious, win or lose.

460. I'm tired of glorious.

461. Is something wrong?

462. Nothing at all, my sister. Go back to sleep.

463. I'm not successful.

464. - We should go. - You said you needed him.

465. - There's always another way. - No, no.

466. No, no. Food is cooked.

467. Zorya Vechernyaya invited you for dinner, right?

468. So you stay and you eat.

469. Otherwise, she will be insulted.

470. You understand?

471. And if you want to leave after,

472. I will hold open the door.

473. Mm! Mm...

474. Mm.

475. Mm.

476. Mm. Mm! Delicious.

477. To think I nearly missed this fabulous meal, hm?

478. Thank you, ladies. Shadow.

479. My old friend, hm?

480. Ah!

481. You're black.

482. Right?

483. That a problem?

484. Ehh, we never much care about skin like the Americans.

485. Where we're from, everyone has the same colour,

486. so we must fight over shades.

487. Hm.

488. You see, my brother had light hair and beard.

489. Me dark, like you.

490. I was like the black man over there.

491. As against my brother, the white.

492. Everybody thought he must be the good one.

493. Yeah.

494. So I became me.

495. But time passes. Now I'm grey.

496. Yeah, he too, I... I believe now is grey.

497. So you wouldn't be able to tell

498. who is light, who is dark.

499. So much for fighting over colour.

500. Yeah, you see, when we came to America,

501. we first came to New York.

502. Everyone first come to New York.

503. New York was... Yeah, it was alright.

504. Sometimes even good, right? Eh?

505. And then we came here, Chicago, everything became bad.

506. I think in old country, you know, I am forgotten.

507. Here, I'm like a bad memory.

508. So I had to find work

509. and I found meat business.

510. - You know it? - I know the eating part.

511. I know the killing.

512. So I got job on killing floor as a knocker.

513. It was a good job.

514. Yeah, skilled labour.

515. A cow comes up the ramp. Boom, boom, boom.

516. And you take a sledgehammer and boop!

517. You knock the cow dead. It takes strength.

518. No cow-killing stories during dinner.

519. How do you think meat get on your plate? Huh?

520. It takes strength,

521. but not only strength.

522. It takes talent, because it's a craft.

523. You have to do it right

524. or the cow gets angry.

525. And angry meat taste bad.

526. Yeah, you need arms to break the skull,

527. but that's not the goal.

528. The goal is to crush the brain inside the skull

529. and quick, before the pain can travel

530. from outside the brain to the inside,

531. so the brain never knows the brain is crushing.

532. To give a good death is art.

533. But nowadays, they have this bolt gun.

534. You know? Put it on the forehead.

535. Yeah.

536. Now every monkey with a thumb can kill.

537. They sit there all day, all night.

538. Yeah.

539. So much for killing.

540. Hey, do you know checkers?

541. I was in prison for three years.

542. Yeah, people go crazy for chess.

543. But you know what?

544. Checkers is honest.

545. Hm.

546. - Every man's an equal. - Eh, exactly.

547. After you finish eating,

548. maybe you and I play checkers.

549. I shall play black.

550. Is good?

551. - Is good. - Yeah.

552. I like it. Confident.

553. Maybe we even bet a little, huh?

554. You don't have to play him.

555. What do you say?

556. You guys play a lot of checkers?

557. Oh, the sisters don't play.

558. But I keep sharp, not like my arms.

559. They don't get the work-out they used to, huh?

560. No more killing floor

561. to swing my hammer.

562. Hm.

563. First blood is mine.

564. So you've lost. Game is done.

565. I just started.

566. Hm.

567. Confident.

568. You want to see it?

569. See what?

570. The hammer.

571. The one I used to kill.

572. It's dull now, but...

573. .. the secret to keeping it clean is use.

574. Yeah, blood feeds it,

575. gives it shine.

576. You know, the best blood flows at sunrise,

577. when the cattle is rested, fed and calm.

578. Oh, now my hammer is red...

579. .. with rust.

580. No more sunrise blood.

581. 10,000 deaths made right here.

582. Are you gonna play or what?

583. It's your move.

584. Your move.

585. Hey, we make a wager on our little game, huh?

586. You relax. This is not your game, OK?

587. You see, your master wants me to come with him

588. to deal with his nonsense.

589. Well...

590. Listen, if I lose...

591. ..I will go with Votan and do what he asks

592. and I will nod in front of the others.

593. And if you win?

594. I get to knock your brains out with my hammer.

595. But first, you have to go down on your knees

596. and I will hit you with this.

597. Just one blow.

598. Right here.

599. Sunrise blood.

600. Is good?

601. He'll take that shot.

602. No joke, no boast, no half-measures.

603. How good are you?

604. How bad do you need him?

605. It's your decision.

606. Alright, if... if all this is real

607. and... and... and TVs talk

608. and she can read fortunes

609. and hammers bleed,

610. and if there is a world...

611. .. under a world...

612. Yo, fuck it.

613. Is good.

614. Is good?

615. Yeah.

616. Good.

617. Your move.

618. So at sunrise,

619. I get to knock your brains out.

620. And you will go down on your knees...

621. .. willingly.

622. Is good?

623. A shame.

624. You're my only black friend.