1. Aah!Copy !req
2. Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.orgCopy !req
3. Oh, my God, for my birthday!Copy !req
4. What a surprise!Copy !req
5. You guys!Copy !req
6. I almost had a heart attack!Copy !req
7. Okay, I got my birthday
all planned out.Copy !req
8. I want us all to drink
a bunch of Four Lokos,Copy !req
9. then swim across the lake
after midnight.Copy !req
10. I really don't think
it's that far across.Copy !req
11. It looks real close.Copy !req
12. Roger, didn't you
just have a birthdayCopy !req
13. a couple of months ago?Copy !req
14. Yeah, that's right.Copy !req
15. You made us ride ATVs
on Ted Nugent's ranchCopy !req
16. without his permission.Copy !req
17. Fine, you caught me.
It's not my birthday.Copy !req
18. But that's the only day
of the yearCopy !req
19. I can get you nervous Nellies
to do anything adventurous.Copy !req
20. So, who's in
for the Loko lake swim?Copy !req
21. Look, Roger, we're all
for trying new things,Copy !req
22. but that sounds
too dangerous.Copy !req
23. Yeah, if new things
are so great,Copy !req
24. where have they been
all this time?Copy !req
25. Well, well, well,
what have we here?Copy !req
26. Discount coupons
to the American Safety Museum?Copy !req
27. Using these!Copy !req
28. Oh, look, they're doing an
exhibit on Augustus Seatbelt,Copy !req
29. the inventor of the airbag.Copy !req
30. Hello?Copy !req
31. We're not going
to any stupid safety museum.Copy !req
32. Why doesn't anyone
ever listen to me?Copy !req
33. You guys will not believe
what's in this towel.Copy !req
34. A baby! A baby
you gave birth toCopy !req
35. and you didn't even know
you were pregnant!Copy !req
36. It just popped out
on the lawn.Copy !req
37. You thought you were just
taking a "D" on the lawn,Copy !req
38. but surprise,
it wasn't a deuce,Copy !req
39. it was a baby
and it's in that towel!Copy !req
40. Show me that baby!Copy !req
41. No, it's a raccoon.Copy !req
42. What did you do
with your baby?Copy !req
43. Look at this adorable guy!Copy !req
44. I'm gonna call him Cuddles...Copy !req
45. after the cat he was eating
when I found him.Copy !req
46. Oh, my God, you won't do
my dangerous birthday plan,Copy !req
47. but you're gonna
let her keepCopy !req
48. a wild animal
in the house?Copy !req
49. She got a pet.
I think it's nice.Copy !req
50. Uch, forget this.Copy !req
51. I'm gonna go do something
on the edge like skydiving,Copy !req
52. or trying on underwear
at Marshall's.Copy !req
53. Oh, hey, Roger,
there you are.Copy !req
54. I wanted
to ask your advice.Copy !req
55. Finally! Someone who wants
to hear what I have to say.Copy !req
56. So I have a crush
on this girl,Copy !req
57. but she only goes
for jocks.Copy !req
58. Well, she sounds
too smart for you, Steve.Copy !req
59. I suggest
you find somebody else,Copy !req
60. 'cause you'll never be a jock.Copy !req
61. That's it!
I'll become a jock!Copy !req
62. You'll be as good a jock
as you are a listener.Copy !req
63. They should've listened to me.
That was an epic swim.Copy !req
64. I think my favorite part
was whenCopy !req
65. that guy drowned trying
to save me.Copy !req
66. Now, if only there was a wayCopy !req
67. I could remember this day
forever.Copy !req
68. Oh, my God, a red-light camera!Copy !req
69. Now if this light would
just turn red,Copy !req
70. we'd have one hell
of a picture.Copy !req
71. Hey, come on!Copy !req
72. What are you
waiting for?Copy !req
73. Blow it out your ass!Copy !req
74. Roger, thank God you're awake!Copy !req
75. You've been in a coma.Copy !req
76. Oh, my God,
how long was I out?Copy !req
77. This long?
Or this long?Copy !req
78. The first one.Copy !req
79. Roger, I just want to tell you
how happy we areCopy !req
80. that we didn't go along
with your stupid plan.Copy !req
81. Yes, if you weren't so easy
to dismiss,Copy !req
82. we could be in here with you.Copy !req
83. Mom, Dad, thank you
for not listening to Roger.Copy !req
84. Well, this has been
a grand reunion.Copy !req
85. Roger, you're awake,Copy !req
86. which means you're
probably alive.Copy !req
87. Let's check
your vitals.Copy !req
88. Bye-bye.
Bye-bye!Copy !req
89. A body...Copy !req
90. a lawsuit...Copy !req
91. Doctor, I just
had a vision.Copy !req
92. You're being
fired by a baby.Copy !req
93. Well, that's impossible,
unless it was Dr. Baby,Copy !req
94. the baby who's in charge
of this hospital.Copy !req
95. But I assure you,
your vision wasn't real.Copy !req
96. It was nothing but
a postcomatic delusion.Copy !req
97. You just need
a little more rest.Copy !req
98. I think your family should
probably leave.Copy !req
99. I'm sorry, what?
I thought you guys should go.Copy !req
100. Yeah, so did we.Copy !req
101. I swear, what I saw
seemed so real.Copy !req
102. I think you're
gonna lose your job.Copy !req
103. There's nothing
to worry about.Copy !req
104. I'm a dedicated professional
with a spotless record...Copy !req
105. You see, when I'm engaged
with a patient,Copy !req
106. it's as if the whole world
disappears around me.Copy !req
107. Oh, no, the bad sound.Copy !req
108. He's dead!Copy !req
109. This was clearly
your fault, Doctor!Copy !req
110. Damn it!
It's gonna take moreCopy !req
111. than a game of peekaboo
with Dr. BabyCopy !req
112. to get out of this one.Copy !req
113. Oh, my God, I was right!Copy !req
114. This was my vision!Copy !req
115. Ma'am? Ma'am, I was right.Copy !req
116. I see you on a beach...
with a guy!Copy !req
117. I wouldn't dread
hanging out with him.Copy !req
118. Your new boyfriend
has dreadlocks.Copy !req
119. How dare you?Copy !req
120. I'll never love
anyone but my husband.Copy !req
121. I'm here to gather
the dead man, mon.Copy !req
122. Whoa, you look sexy
when you cry.Copy !req
123. Really? No one's ever noticed
that about me before.Copy !req
124. How about I buy you
a Red Stripe?Copy !req
125. And that's when I was sure
that I could see the future.Copy !req
126. Roger, the last time you thought
you could see the future,Copy !req
127. you said that Rodney would
have the best party.Copy !req
128. But his parents came home
early and ruined
the whole thing.Copy !req
129. It's here!Copy !req
130. One Rowflex and
five containers
of protein powder.Copy !req
131. Thanks to all this,
I'm about to become a jock!Copy !req
132. You're never gonna use
any of that stuff!Copy !req
133. Of course
I'm gonna use it!Copy !req
134. And I'm starting with
a protein shake right now.Copy !req
135. Mom?Copy !req
136. All right, give it to me.Copy !req
137. I see a desperate man
with a clip-on tie...Copy !req
138. a set of keys...Copy !req
139. Francine, you're getting
a new car!Copy !req
140. That's ridiculous, Roger.Copy !req
141. I just got a new car
and I love it.Copy !req
142. It's the same car
that Matt Damon droveCopy !req
143. in We Bought a Zoo.Copy !req
144. I like to drive around and
pretend I have zoo problems.Copy !req
145. "Oh, my God, what am I
gonna do about my zoo?"Copy !req
146. Right?Copy !req
147. It's time!Copy !req
148. Everybody ready to go
to the American Safety Museum?Copy !req
149. Interesting. It says here
autoerotic asphyxiationCopy !req
150. is the number one
cause of awkward funerals.Copy !req
151. Ooh, they have a picture?Copy !req
152. Oh, my God, you can't go!Copy !req
153. Horrible things will happen!Copy !req
154. Roger, what
could happen?Copy !req
155. It's the
Safety Museum.Copy !req
156. Yeah, it's not like
it's the Natural History Museum,Copy !req
157. full of dangerous ideas
and attitudes.Copy !req
158. Ignore him, Stan.
We can take my car.Copy !req
159. You have to believe me!
You're making a huge mistake!Copy !req
160. Were you talking to me?Copy !req
161. 'Cause I was only gonna try
it this once.Copy !req
162. I have a paper due
in the morning.Copy !req
163. You have been randomly
selected for racial profiling.Copy !req
164. Hoo-hoo-hoo,
this is so real!Copy !req
165. Stan, this museum
has some great exhibits.Copy !req
166. Yeah, let's go check out
the "Kobe Bryant Encounter."Copy !req
167. Do you want to come
up to my hotel room?Copy !req
168. Sure!Copy !req
169. I think we should move on.Copy !req
170. No, I know
I can get this!Copy !req
171. Do you want to come
up to my hotel room?Copy !req
172. As long as you have a T-shirt
I can sleep in.Copy !req
173. Forget it. This is impossible.Copy !req
174. Is this an exhibit,
or is this just a wet floor?Copy !req
175. I don't know.
I just started.Copy !req
176. The last tour guide
got fired yesterday.Copy !req
177. She was not happy.Copy !req
178. Hey, there she is. Hi, Helen!Copy !req
179. Safety off!Copy !req
180. We gotta get
out of here!Copy !req
181. It's just a really good replica
of an emergency exit!Copy !req
182. It's so accurate!Copy !req
183. This isn't real either!Copy !req
184. None of it's real!Copy !req
185. There are no actual safety
precautions in this museum!Copy !req
186. What do we do?Copy !req
187. I'll tell you
what to do...Copy !req
188. if you're ready
to listen.Copy !req
189. Roger! What are you
doing here?Copy !req
190. Don't worry,
I know everything
that's gonna happen.Copy !req
191. Hayley, take the traffic conesCopy !req
192. and make them
into a "U" over there!Copy !req
193. Francine,
grab that wheelchair!Copy !req
194. Stan, get
that fire extinguisher!Copy !req
195. Steve, put
that bulletproof vest on!Copy !req
196. Wait a minute,
shouldn't we all get vests?Copy !req
197. I wrote this
14 minutes ago,Copy !req
198. because in my vision,Copy !req
199. you asked me that
exact stupid question.Copy !req
200. Now do what I say!Copy !req
201. Oh, no,
they're gonna trample us!Copy !req
202. Just stay behind the cones!Copy !req
203. Oh, my God, it hurts!Copy !req
204. Why didn't you just have me
stand somewhere else?Copy !req
205. Less fun.
Everybody climb on!Copy !req
206. Oh, my God, Roger, you saved...Copy !req
207. Hold on.
Wait for it.Copy !req
208. My car!Copy !req
209. And I'm pretty sure that
warrants a trip to Cold Stone.Copy !req
210. Roger, you were right
about everything!Copy !req
211. We should have
listened to you.Copy !req
212. Oh, I'll accept
your apology.Copy !req
213. And the lanyard you made me
at Camp Shoulda Woulda Coulda.Copy !req
214. I can't believe that Roger can
see the future.Copy !req
215. Now hold on.Copy !req
216. I don't know
if it proves that.Copy !req
217. You know that note
I gave you?Copy !req
218. Turn it over.Copy !req
219. This is my
cell phone number.Copy !req
220. Excuse me, Miss.
Are you all right?Copy !req
221. Light him up, girl.Copy !req
222. He's not gonna call.Copy !req
223. He thinks you could
lose ten pounds.Copy !req
224. But that's not why
he doesn't call.Copy !req
225. He dies in that fire.Copy !req
226. So you didn't need to tell me
about the ten pounds.Copy !req
227. Somebody needed
to tell you.Copy !req
228. I can't believe Roger
can predict the future.Copy !req
229. Yeah, but, like,Copy !req
230. compared to people
from the past,Copy !req
231. like, to them,Copy !req
232. like, we are the
future to them.Copy !req
233. I'm definitely
feeling it now.Copy !req
234. That was amazing,
Roger!Copy !req
235. See what happens
when you listen to me?Copy !req
236. He picked
every horse!Copy !req
237. Roger's
unbelievable!Copy !req
238. He...
Knew that you'd want to eat
chili dogs for lunch.Copy !req
239. And then he...
Knew in the third raceCopy !req
240. it'd take three bullets to put
down Daddy's Lucky Girl.Copy !req
241. And now I'm...
Getting tired of me
interrupting you?Copy !req
242. How did you...
Know?Copy !req
243. You just gave me goose bumps!Copy !req
244. I love it!Copy !req
245. Speaking of love,
Roger,Copy !req
246. there's another girl
in my classCopy !req
247. I think I have
a pretty good shot with.Copy !req
248. Oh?
Well, allow me.Copy !req
249. Come here, you...Copy !req
250. Roger, what's
so funny?Copy !req
251. Nothing.Copy !req
252. I say go for it.Copy !req
253. Hey, uh, I was gonna go
take a dip in the pool.Copy !req
254. How-how's that
work out for me?Copy !req
255. Stan, I'm not wasting
my gift on that.Copy !req
256. Come on, Roger.Copy !req
257. Touch it.Copy !req
258. You drop a load
in the pool.Copy !req
259. Wait, no.Copy !req
260. It's a Baby Ruth.
Wait, no.Copy !req
261. That's a scene
from Caddyshack...Copy !req
262. which I'm trying
to watch.Copy !req
263. Do I end up
watching it with you?Copy !req
264. Yes, and you annoy me
the whole timeCopy !req
265. with your
questions.Copy !req
266. Oh.Copy !req
267. What kind of
questions?Copy !req
268. Roger, am I gonna
like this salad?Copy !req
269. Should I be taking
smaller bites?Copy !req
270. Roger, am I about to say
something funny?Copy !req
271. I want to say
something funny.Copy !req
272. Is that enough?Copy !req
273. Is... is... is-is that...Copy !req
274. Is that too much?Copy !req
275. How... how 'bout...
how 'bout now?Copy !req
276. Steve, dump that and get
yourself another salad.Copy !req
277. Why?Copy !req
278. Does something happen
to me if I eat this salad?Copy !req
279. No, I'm just using
common sense.Copy !req
280. Well, can't you just have
a vision so I can be sure?Copy !req
281. So it doesn't matter
what I think?Copy !req
282. No, we don't care
what you think,Copy !req
283. we care what you see.Copy !req
284. Well, fine.Copy !req
285. If that's all
you're after...Copy !req
286. Wait, where are
you going?Copy !req
287. Should we go
with you?Copy !req
288. Should I have even
left the kitchen?Copy !req
289. Look, no more
questions.Copy !req
290. I need to take
a thinkin' drive.Copy !req
291. Wait, wait,
you can't leave!Copy !req
292. I have homework
tonight!Copy !req
293. Is it gonna be
on the test tomorrowCopy !req
294. or can I blow
it off?Copy !req
295. Should I take
a bath tonightCopy !req
296. or will I fall
asleep and drown?Copy !req
297. Do I have to go
to the bathroom?Copy !req
298. Look, you guys are on your own.Copy !req
299. I'm outta here.Copy !req
300. At least let us
come with you!Copy !req
301. No, you should...Copy !req
302. you should... you should
probably stay here.Copy !req
303. Why? Are we all gonna die
if we come with you?Copy !req
304. Yes.Copy !req
305. That.Copy !req
306. You're all gonna dieCopy !req
307. if you leave the house.Copy !req
308. Slam that door if
I get really rich soon!Copy !req
309. Oh, so close!Copy !req
310. Well, I wanted them
to listen to me.Copy !req
311. Didn't work out so well,
though, did it?Copy !req
312. No, sir.Copy !req
313. There might be a lesson
to learn from thisCopy !req
314. if I were the kind of guy
who could learn lessons.Copy !req
315. But lessons are not for me.Copy !req
316. Lessons are for school boys.Copy !req
317. School boys are for me!Copy !req
318. Red light!Copy !req
319. Ah, what a restful coma.Copy !req
320. How long have
I been out?Copy !req
321. Three weeks.Copy !req
322. We would have been able
to revive you sooner,Copy !req
323. but Dr. Stack was
the coma expertCopy !req
324. and he got fired
and sued into povertyCopy !req
325. by a grieving widow and
her Rastafarian fiancé.Copy !req
326. Huh.Copy !req
327. So... can I get
an orange juice,Copy !req
328. or is there a long-ass
story about that, too?Copy !req
329. Lunch'll be here
in 20 minutes.Copy !req
330. You can wait
till then.Copy !req
331. Hmm.
Nice attitude.Copy !req
332. Let's see
how you die!Copy !req
333. Wait!Copy !req
334. I'm not getting
any visions.Copy !req
335. My powers are gone!Copy !req
336. But I haven't
lost mine.Copy !req
337. Mind Quad!Copy !req
338. Sounds like you're
thirsty, friend.Copy !req
339. I'm not gonna drink from
the same glass as him.Copy !req
340. He's gross.Copy !req
341. So you had powers
and now you lost them?Copy !req
342. It's like me.Copy !req
343. In my country,
I'm doctor.Copy !req
344. Really?
What kind of doctor?Copy !req
345. Dah, you caught me.Copy !req
346. I'm lying.Copy !req
347. What the...Copy !req
348. Roger, thank God you're back!Copy !req
349. Everybody, Roger's back!Copy !req
350. Oh, Roger,
what a relief!Copy !req
351. We don't have
to be scared anymore.Copy !req
352. Yeah, maybe we can
leave the house now.Copy !req
353. Wait a minute.Copy !req
354. You haven't left
the house in three weeks?Copy !req
355. You told us we'd
all die if we did.Copy !req
356. And all of your
fortunes have come true!Copy !req
357. Huh.
I guess I did say that.Copy !req
358. But how have you survived?Copy !req
359. It hasn't been easy.Copy !req
360. The toilet paper ran
out before the food,Copy !req
361. so that was gross.Copy !req
362. But when we started
eating the couch,Copy !req
363. we stopped needing
toilet paper.Copy !req
364. The stuffing wipes
itself on the way out.Copy !req
365. Okay, this is bad.Copy !req
366. Wait, wait, where's Klaus?Copy !req
367. I'm right here.Copy !req
368. Oh, my God, Klaus,Copy !req
369. you're living in
your own filth.Copy !req
370. I try not to talkCopy !req
371. so it doesn't
get in my mouth.Copy !req
372. Ugh, it got
in my mouth.Copy !req
373. Brissam
beeginch?Copy !req
374. R-Rettehsat?Copy !req
375. Okay, what is that?Copy !req
376. Oh, in your absence
Steve's forgotten English.Copy !req
377. Eng...Copy !req
378. Engrish.Copy !req
379. How did my absence
in any way affectCopy !req
380. Steve's handle on
the English language?Copy !req
381. I haven't even
been gone a month.Copy !req
382. Steve...Copy !req
383. Mo-onth.Copy !req
384. All right, all right.Copy !req
385. Before I left, I told you guysCopy !req
386. not to leave the house
and you embraced it.Copy !req
387. Now I'm telling you you'll dieCopy !req
388. if you don't get
out of this house.Copy !req
389. Whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
390. Don't you want to
have a vision,Copy !req
391. make sure it's safe?Copy !req
392. Oh, uh,
yeah, sure.Copy !req
393. Yes, my vision says
you will be super safe.Copy !req
394. Get out there!Copy !req
395. Soba slasha on...Copy !req
396. Steve's right.Copy !req
397. It's just
the sprinklers.Copy !req
398. Whoops.Copy !req
399. Flaps flaps ze zap zap!Copy !req
400. It's not safe!
It's not safe!Copy !req
401. We almost got killed.Copy !req
402. Steve's right.Copy !req
403. You lied to us.Copy !req
404. Uch, you got me.Copy !req
405. I lost my powers.Copy !req
406. Now we can go back
to our normal lives.Copy !req
407. Isn't that great?Copy !req
408. No, it's not great!Copy !req
409. Without your powers,
we have no ideaCopy !req
410. what dangers are lurking
outside this house!Copy !req
411. Yeah, but there is nothing
you can do about it.Copy !req
412. How useless was that CostcoCopy !req
413. five-pack of hammers now,
Francine?Copy !req
414. Look, I'm helping!Copy !req
415. You guys,
listen...Copy !req
416. Oh, my God, what was that?Copy !req
417. I don't know!Copy !req
418. Let's hide in
the basement!Copy !req
419. Steve, your
English is back.Copy !req
420. Oh, I was just doing that
to make you guys laugh.Copy !req
421. My protein powder!Copy !req
422. There are tracks in it.Copy !req
423. We got tracks!Copy !req
424. Somebody used
my Rowflex!Copy !req
425. And it's set to
the highest strength level.Copy !req
426. Cuddles!Copy !req
427. I forgot about him.Copy !req
428. He must've escaped.Copy !req
429. Wait a minute.Copy !req
430. You don't think he
got into my protein powderCopy !req
431. and then started and stuck withCopy !req
432. a hard-core workout regimen,
do you?Copy !req
433. Oh, God, how big do you think
he could have gotten?Copy !req
434. Hmm, I'd say about
eight feet tall.Copy !req
435. Oh, how do
you know?Copy !req
436. Did you have
a vision of it?Copy !req
437. He's standing
right there.Copy !req
438. Run!Copy !req
439. You know what?Copy !req
440. I think we can
make this work.Copy !req
441. We'll just all live here
the rest of our lives.Copy !req
442. I call the tub!Copy !req
443. You guys are
ready to liveCopy !req
444. the rest of your lives
in this bathroom?Copy !req
445. Sounds like someone's
jealous of my tub.Copy !req
446. Don't you guys get it?Copy !req
447. Even if we could
stay alive in here,Copy !req
448. what kind of life would that be?Copy !req
449. Life is risky,Copy !req
450. but you have to get out there
and take chances anyway.Copy !req
451. Why should we listen to you?Copy !req
452. Well, maybe he's right.Copy !req
453. I mean, we can't
go through lifeCopy !req
454. without taking
any risks.Copy !req
455. Yeah, it's like
when Eddie MurphyCopy !req
456. picked up that
prostitute.Copy !req
457. But that
was a man.Copy !req
458. And he had
a marvelous time.Copy !req
459. I'm just asking you
to listen to me this once.Copy !req
460. Okay.Copy !req
461. But how are we gonna
fight a giant raccoon?Copy !req
462. We don't have
to fight it.Copy !req
463. All we have to do is
get out of the house.Copy !req
464. Quick, get the boards
off the door.Copy !req
465. We could really use
those hammers now,Copy !req
466. to pull these
nails out.Copy !req
467. Anybody see one?Copy !req
468. Quick, everybody
link arms.Copy !req
469. He'll think we're
a bigger animal.Copy !req
470. Hmm?Copy !req
471. Wait, Steve,
that's good.
Ow, ow!Copy !req
472. Ah!
Keep doing that!Copy !req
473. Keep doing what?Copy !req
474. He thinks you're food.Copy !req
475. That'll distract him long enough
for us to get the boards off.Copy !req
476. Ow, ow!Copy !req
477. What if he bites
off my arm?Copy !req
478. That's the risk!Copy !req
479. That's the risk
we're all taking!Copy !req
480. Yah!Copy !req
481. He had a weirdly
good body.Copy !req
482. I guess we owe you
a "thanks," Roger.Copy !req
483. It seems like knowing
what the future holdsCopy !req
484. can really keep you from
living in the present.Copy !req
485. Yeah, maybe
sometimesCopy !req
486. it's not a bad idea
to listen to Roger.Copy !req
487. Damn right!Copy !req
488. Now, let's cover
ourselves in honeyCopy !req
489. and run through Old Man
McGuilicutty's bear farm.Copy !req
490. This is not one
of those times.Copy !req
491. Hey, can you drop me
off at the hospital?Copy !req
492. No, sorry, I don't
see that happening.Copy !req
493. I'm kidding.Copy !req
494. Come on,
let's go, kid.Copy !req
495. Hey, hey, why you
smacking your tushie?Copy !req
496. Why you smacking your tushie?
Why you doing that?Copy !req
497. Stop, stop! Stop it!Copy !req
498. Bye! Have a beautiful time.Copy !req