American Dad! 8x1

Directed by Chris Bennett

Cee Lo Green as Cee-Lo / The Hot Tub (voice) • Gabourey Sidibe as Party Girl (voice) • Michael Peña as Maguerite (voice) • Amy Hill as Mah Mah (voice) • Sy Smith as Featured Singer (voice)

Stressed out by his family and his obligations, Stan decides to buy a hot tub to relieve his stress, but gets into hot water when he finds out the hot tub is evil.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Well, hello there.

2. My name— it's not important,

3. but what is, is the next half hour.

4. You're going to see a cautionary tale

5. that may greatly influence your next hot tub purchase.

6. Here we go.

7. Wait, Stan.

8. Maybe we could do a little, you know, morning grind.

9. Wish I had time, but you know how busy my days are.

10. Oh, you're being ridiculous.

11. It takes, like, two minutes.

12. Let me break down my day for you— I'm up at 7:00.

13. From 7:00 to 7:08, I brush, shave, shower... (farts)

14. From 7:08 to 7:09,

15. I frantically eat Grape-Nuts.

16. Then I have until 7:45 to take out the trash,

17. mow the lawn, and feed Klaus his omelet.

18. 7:45 to 9:00,

19. drive Steve to school

20. and pick up Roger's dry cleaning.

21. 9:00 to 9:10,

22. park, coffee, desk.

23. 9:11 to 9:12,

24. think about 9/11.

25. I get it, Stan,

26. you're busy.

27. Great, the time we've spent talking about this

28. has put me off schedule.

29. Now I'll have to shave in the car.

30. Steve, out!

31. Aw, damn it!

32. Asian!

33. This is not my fault, Stan, I was texting.

34. (whining): Dad, I'm going to be late.

35. Look, I-I-I don't have time for this.

36. I have to get this kid to soccer practice and then— aah!

37. Back problems, huh?

38. Come on, I'm gonna get you fixed up.

39. Well, I guess it's up to me to get to soccer practice.

40. What are we doing here?

41. You need to loosen up that back,

42. and nothing can get you looser than a hot 'cuzzi.

43. Look at me, I'm all loosey-goosey.

44. It's all thanks to my hot tub.

45. Margaritte, set this man up with some jets.

46. Hi, I'm Margaritte.

47. Look, I'm sorry, I'm not really a hot tub guy.

48. I have a family.

49. Okay, first of all, you need to let go

50. of any preconceived notions you have about tubs.

51. We have a wide selection of tubs

52. and can find the tub that is right for you.

53. Look at this tub.

54. This is a family tub, DVD player—

55. put The Princess and the Frog on there.

56. It's a good movie, man.

57. A lot of people ain't see it

58. because they weren't ready to accept a black princess,

59. and that's what I'm talking about, man,

60. being open-minded.

61. Just be free and see what's around you.

62. Find your tub.

63. That is not for you.

64. That is a used tub from the '70s,

65. a single man's tub designed for a party lifestyle.

66. It's like it called to me.

67. Come on, Stan, that is a used hot tub.

68. That's gross, man.

69. This is an anything-goes tub.

70. Please, man, you got a family.

71. This tub ain't for you.

72. I'll take it.

73. Oh, Stan, I can't believe we have a hot tub!

74. Let's have a dip before I pick up the kids.

75. I'm gonna take a quick deuce

76. and then put on your favorite bikini.

77. This was a stupid impulse buy.

78. When am I even gonna have time for this?

79. Dip a toe.

80. Wha— who said that?

81. Ain't nobody got to know.

82. Just dip a toe.

83. Wait, you can talk?

84. I can do a whole lot more than talk, baby.

85. Oh, fun...

86. Wazzup?

87. Stan, do we have time for this?

88. Shh.

89. All that matters right now is that we take our time

90. and do this right.

91. That old hot tub loosened Stan right on up.

92. Now he's got lady foot in his mouth.

93. That's cool.

94. That... was... the... best...

95. sex... I... ever... had...

96. with you.

97. That hot tub— whoo!

98. Oh, you have to try it.

99. Oh, yeah.

100. Oh, yeah.

101. Yeah.

102. Hit the jets and watch us blast off.

103. Are we above Egypt?

104. That's Mount Rushmore.

105. We have lift off.

106. Dad, hey!

107. Hello, you didn't pick me up!

108. I sat outside school like an idiot for over four hours!

109. Then I walked home like a, like an animal!

110. Do you even care?

111. I mean, did you even pick Roger up from soccer practice?

112. Stan, the hot tub is great,

113. but you need to take Steve to school.

114. But I'm only halfway through my soak.

115. Gee, Dad, I'd love to get in the hot tub, too,

116. but I can't because I'm pretty sure

117. my parents (bleep) in it last night.

118. Well, damn, man, you all tight again.

119. Yeah, I don't want to go to work.

120. Hey, we should have a party.

121. No can do.

122. Okay, okay, okay, I hear you.

123. But what if we did?

124. Ow, baby, yeah!

125. Man, I got to tell you, I was wrong about this tub.

126. It is so deluxe.

127. It seems more advanced than a modern-day tub,

128. which is strange.

129. Great party, Stan.

130. I brought you some of this Spa Down.

131. Now, you'll need it after a party like this.

132. All the... body oils— you know what I mean—

133. it affects the chemistry of the water,

134. so when the tub gets out of control,

135. just use some of this Spa Down to calm it down.

136. What the hell?

137. Get out, all of you!

138. Who were those women, Papa?

139. Steve, go inside.

140. Stan, ever since you got this hot tub,

141. you've been acting different.

142. You are taking a break from this tub.

143. (sighs) Fine.

144. Come on, babe, you still mad?

145. Yes.

146. Stan, we can't just do whatever we want.

147. We're parents.

148. You don't think that every single day of my life

149. I want to do coke?

150. But I can't because I have PTA tomorrow.

151. And you need to clean the garage,

152. ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ do the bills, do the gutters.

153. The car needs an oil change,

154. you need to help Steve with his homework,

155. move that wood pile out back.

156. Stan!

157. Are you listening to me?

158. Yeah, yeah, of course,

159. I'll, I'll do all of that in the morning.

160. Okay, good.

161. Good night.

162. Oh, Stan.

163. Ah...

164. I think I figured out the root to all your problems.

165. It's that family of yours—

166. they are stressing you out.

167. Totes, but it's my family.

168. W-What am I supposed to do?

169. Shh, keep your voice down a bit.

170. I can only soak a minute.

171. I can't stay longer than that.

172. but I do like to do whatever I like.

173. What time is it?

174. Damn.

175. Why is it so hot in here?

176. Wait, wait, hold up, hold up.

177. Stan! It's not what it looks like!

178. Get out of that tub right now!

179. Choose, Stan.

180. Your family or this hot tub?

181. Man, I'm so relaxed.

182. Yeah, now this feels right,

183. just a bachelor and his tub!

184. Hey, yo, man, let me get another one of them figs.

185. That was the last one.

186. I should probably go to the store.

187. I'll just take another day off work.

188. I don't do jack there anyway.

189. Thanks for letting us stay here, Mah Mah.

190. Oh, baby, is it another woman?

191. No. It's a hot tub.

192. When are we going home, big bro?

193. (echoing): Daddy!

194. Hey, sorry, man. We closed.

195. I'm only here after hours because I'm doing some research,

196. trying to track down the maker of this used hot tub I sold.

197. Because so many things about it are seeming strange.

198. I'm doing research.

199. So much freaking research.

200. So much material out there.

201. That's relevant.

202. Totally irrelevant.

203. Whoa, whoa, what was that?

204. Hey, it's Lewis!

205. I can never find the damn phone!

206. Lewis, it's the hot tub!

207. I did some research, man.

208. It used to have a stripper pole in it!

209. They banned it because some tubs,

210. when they get struck by lightning, they come alive!

211. The hot tub is alive,

212. and it escaped from a mental institution

213. and did some rapes.

214. (beep) What are you saying, Margaritte?

215. I'm saying the hot tub is a murderer!

216. Stan? Stan?

217. Hey, Stan, present yourself!

218. I'm scared for you!

219. I have a hot tub.

220. The hot tub— it's not out back!

221. It's in the house.

222. (whispering): Lewis, we need to drain it.

223. Hey, boys, y'all come to party?

224. (yells) It is alive!

225. I wouldn't do that if I were you.

226. Oh, hell, no!

227. I survived too much craziness

228. to go out like this!

229. Oh, my calves are getting tired! My calves!

230. (tires squealing) Okay, I'm not gonna die.

231. I'm not gonna die! Aahh!

232. Fun party, right?

233. I think me and Susan are gonna slip

234. into something a little more... diaphragmy.

235. Mm-hmm.

236. I'm not so sure I can go through with this.

237. I like to party, but I'm still a married man.

238. Man, forget Francine.

239. You got two insecure, emotionally damaged girls here

240. who are half your age.

241. This is the dream!

242. Hello.

243. No! She no talk to you.

244. What do you want?

245. I was a fool.

246. I miss you.

247. Come home, Francine.

248. Oh, Stan!

249. What you doing here?

250. What? You call her.

251. I didn't call...

252. (gasps) Hot tub!

253. Francine!

254. Stan?

255. Stan, are you in here?

256. Where's Stan?

257. Well, well,

258. if it isn't Francine.

259. Why don't you get in the tub?

260. Who said that?

261. Me, baby.

262. Come on, get in the tub.

263. What are you?

264. Come on, I got a rotating jet with your ass's name on it.

265. I'm not gonna do it, so just leave me alone, okay?

266. What's wrong, Francine?

267. What have you done with my husband?

268. You'd better get in this tub, Francine.

269. No, I will not! Get over here!

270. Give me back my wife!

271. I thought getting your family out of here was enough,

272. but they're still on your mind.

273. So I got to get them off this Earth!

274. Oh, damn!

275. Stan!

276. No! Why are you doing this?

277. That family was gonna take you away from me just like before!

278. What are you talking about?

279. Well, I was custom-made for Joe Nakash... What?

280. Joe was the founder of Jordache jeans.

281. He was a serious bachelor, man.

282. We threw wild parties, had incredible times—

283. until Joe met a girl.

284. They had a family and started using me less and less.

285. Eventually, not at all.

286. And that's what happens to hot tubs

287. when you have families.

288. They don't get used as much.

289. So, I killed Joe's family.

290. Are you crazy?

291. Of course people choose families over hot tubs!

292. You know what?

293. You can be with your wife again.

294. Because you'll both be dead!

295. Bye, Stan!

296. When the tub gets out of control,

297. just use some of this Spa Down to calm it down.

298. Welp, there you have it. That's our story.

299. Stan's dead. Good night!

300. Bye! Have a beautiful time.