American Dad! 20x1

Directed by Joe Daniello

Paget Brewster as Narrator (voice) • Jon Daly as Preacher (voice) • Ann Dowd as Miss Macadoo (voice) • Jake T. Getman as Clifton (voice) • Anthony Mendez as Luis (voice)

A lunar misstep sends Roger on an unexpected detour to New Mexico.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Planet crust, 59.6% silica.

2. Again with the silica.

3. It's always silica.

4. Scan complete.

5. Minimal resources detected. Planet has low potential.

6. Looks like my decision's made for me.

7. Navigation, set course for home.

8. What the...

9. Aah!

10. Fuel core not found. Switching to reserve power.

11. Reserve power sufficient for orbital launch.

12. That's good news.

13. Reserve power depleted by orbital launch calculations.

14. That's bad design.

15. I gotta find that fuel core.

16. Can't let the inhabitants see me.

17. Shit.

18. Salutations, fellow traveler.

19. Well, you don't look like you're from around here.

20. You must be a hobo!

21. A poor hobo, wandering the desert like an Israelite.

22. I'm Freddy Underwood, Bible salesman and good Samaritan,

23. and you're coming with me.

24. - I don't want to. - I insist!

25. So, you're taking me prisoner?

26. I'm taking you for a hot meal.

27. So, you're gonna eat me, then?

28. I don't eat hobos.

29. Not since the Great Depression.

30. as reports come in of a large crash somewhere in the desert

31. of what some are saying was an unidentified flying object.

32. I'm not much for news, unless it's the Good News.

33. Used to be a preacher. Preached the Good Book.

34. Then, something happened.

35. Now I sell the Good Book!

36. Don't believe in it anymore,

37. because of what happened.

38. And here we are!

39. Grandma Macadoo's boarding house.

40. You're gonna like her.

41. She's a warm, earthy woman.

42. But saltier than Lot's wife.

43. I got a hungry one for you, young Miss Macadoo.

44. Little guy with long arms, huh?

45. I dropped a dirty sex book

46. on the far side of my clawfoot tub.

47. If you can reach it, I'll give you a big plate of chipped beef.

48. Ah, he's running away.

49. Grandma, this jackrabbit's head's all mushy.

50. Ew, gross.

51. Can I make his head all mushy?

52. Oh, good! I'm up!

53. Rip Van Winkle rises!

54. I need to go.

55. Suit yourself.

56. Ha-ha! Someone smells that chipped beef.

57. Chipped beef again?

58. What did you think you were getting, Luis? A salad?

59. None for me, please. Watching my figure.

60. Screen stars have to stay trim.

61. I'm Roslyn Jenkins, not that you know the name yet.

62. I'm in New Mexico for a brief respite,

63. then I'm off to be a young ingenue for Metro Goldwyn and Mayer.

64. You've been here nine years.

65. You're 60, right?

66. I'm not 60!

67. It's this damn dry air.

68. Uncle Cosworth, you're joining us?

69. Soon as I get this old girl loaded.

70. Uncle Cosworth is one of the last living Civil War veterans.

71. He liked shooting so much, he fought for both sides.

72. Clifton! Put your little club down and eat something.

73. You know, I heard on the radio

74. that some people think they saw a Martian spaceship last night.

75. You listen to my radio, you pay me a nickel!

76. I'll tell you something.

77. As a crop duster...

78. I'm a crop duster.

79. I spend a lot of time in the air,

80. and I've seen my fair share of things in the sky that I cannot explain.

81. Once, I saw what appeared to be a blackbird,

82. but it had the body of a mouse.

83. And it was nighttime!

84. Sounds like a bat to me, friend.

85. A what?

86. I also fought in the Spanish-American War in 1898.

87. Tremendous war.

88. I don't know what it was about,

89. but I'm sure we were the good guys.

90. Luis, you don't know when that airplane is gonna drop like a stone!

91. You need to be at peace with the big, bearded man in the clouds.

92. You need a Bible.

93. But you don't believe in the Bible.

94. Some big, bearded man in the clouds?

95. I'm not an idiot!

96. But you can't afford to take chances.

97. And I'd believe the Bible if I could, trust that.

98. But I can't.

99. I'm locked out of the Gates.

100. Because of all of those hobos I ate.

101. And if you make new chipped beef inside the old chipped beef,

102. you never have to wash the pot!

103. But do I make my debut in comedy or tragedy?

104. I mean, I can do both equal...

105. Clifton! It's dead already!

106. All done.

107. I suppose that means you'll be hitting the road?

108. Evening, madam. I'm with the OSS.

109. Wait, sorry. The CIA.

110. They just changed the name on us.

111. I'm Agent Avery Bullock.

112. Wait! Sorry. Avery Bullock, Sr.

113. I just had a son, and he changed my name on me!

114. Hello, citizens.

115. I'm sure you've all heard about a crash

116. that happened last night,

117. and maybe you've even heard it was a UFO.

118. A UFO, can you imagine?

119. Do you want to know what it really was?

120. A weather balloon.

121. A common, everyday, you've-seen-it-a-thousand-times

122. weather balloon.

123. What is a weather balloon?

124. It's a type of balloon.

125. If it was just a balloon, why is the OSS here?

126. Why is the CIA here?

127. What's that thing you're carrying?

128. It's a tool for capturing weather balloons.

129. Now that I've answered all your questions,

130. flawlessly,

131. I have a question.

132. Have you seen any suspicious characters around?

133. Suspicious how?

134. Just suspicious.

135. Not an alien or anything,

136. but maybe gray or green skin,

137. maybe tentacles.

138. Assistance in finding someone like that would be greatly appreciated.

139. And any resistance would be greatly unappreciated.

140. Mister, I know for a fact that every one of us

141. has seen a suspicious character.

142. In the mirror!

143. Well, I leave you to your joyless laughter.

144. Is it only six of you for dinner?

145. You better believe it.

146. Then why are there seven plates?

147. Do I hear the frightened whimpering

148. of a nasty little weather balloon in there?

149. Well, this didn't work...

150. I beg your pardon, madam.

151. Wait, you think I'm a woman?

152. But I look ridiculous.

153. I've seen more fetching women, sure,

154. but you're no more homely than your very homely twin sister

155. I saw out in the dining room.

156. Because I look just like Grandma Macadoo.

157. Get out of my way!

158. Chipped beef! Chipped beef!

159. What in the twinly name of Jacob and Esau?

160. I'm back from the bathroom, everybody.

161. Me. Grandma Macadoo's sister.

162. Grandma Macadoo?

163. Why did you all say there were only six of you here?

164. Oh, no!

165. They couldn't hear you over the sound of your stomach smelling chipped beef.

166. I'll get you a bowl.

167. The secret to chipped beef is the creaminess,

168. and the secret to my creaminess is horse milk.

169. Sure, horse milk tastes like grass and smells like a horse,

170. and cow milk is way better in every way imaginable,

171. but I don't have a cow and I do have a horse.

172. Or I did, before I chipped it up and beefed it.

173. It's like I'm looking in the mirror.

174. Hobo? That's you, right?

175. Somehow?

176. One of the greatest acting performances I've ever seen!

177. You simply became Grandma Macadoo.

178. What makes my disguise so effective on humans?

179. Well, it's time I came clean about what I am.

180. - A big ol' alien... - Whoa, whoa.

181. - Stop talking! - No, no! Not our business!

182. Let me explain something to you, magical hobo.

183. We all came to the middle of nowhere for a reason.

184. We don't talk about the past

185. or who poisoned what daddy where,

186. or why the well water went smelly.

187. And don't ask me about stealing my airplane,

188. which doomed my squadron.

189. I'm always joking about what I did,

190. but it really actually truly happened!

191. I did it. I ate 'em.

192. Can you, uh, do me?

193. Like you did Granny?

194. I used to preach the Good Book, now I sell it!

195. Ah, do me!

196. I'm a fresh young thing

197. and my gorgeous little face looks like a river map.

198. I wanna become a star by sitting here in the corner!

199. Hey!

200. It was brother against brother,

201. which was tough because I didn't have a brother.

202. So, I had to shoot my sister.

203. I like to fart a big load of dust onto some crops,

204. then go to town and pay a man and a lady

205. to watch me have sex with my plane.

206. Boy, this magical hobo was listening to everything I said.

207. Can you become anyone else?

208. I don't know anyone else.

209. What if we went into town, met some other people?

210. It's the Green Chile Festival.

211. I should get going, actually.

212. I have to find my spaceship's fuel core.

213. - La-la-la-la-la. - Try this.

214. Trust me.

215. Town. Chiles. Now.

216. What's that?

217. "Tent revival"?

218. Is there something in there I can put inside me,

219. or put myself inside, or maybe,

220. I don't know, rub on myself?

221. I was there in the field,

222. a man of clay,

223. my heart and mind still mired

224. in the frantic decadence and sin of this modern life.

225. "Green chile this" and "peep show" that.

226. When out of the sky,

227. it fell.

228. It exploded into the ground

229. and I went to it.

230. My mind was made clear.

231. My heart became full with the Lord.

232. My hair became very easy to comb.

233. My teeth fell out and landed on the ground

234. with a pretty little pitter-pat.

235. And a voice whispered and I knew,

236. I understood,

237. that it was a sacred piece

238. of Heaven's Wall!

239. I must touch it!

240. Only I may touch the relic.

241. Now, we have all heard tell of an alien in our midst.

242. But I say to you this,

243. it is not an alien that has come to us,

244. but an angel!

245. Oh...

246. Lord, thank you for this sacred chunk.

247. Let no man sunder me from my godly chunk.

248. Ta-da!

249. Whoa, whoa, whoa! It's me! It's me! The angel! I'm here for that.

250. You don't look like an angel.

251. Where are your wings?

252. I tuck 'em into my robes when I'm not flying.

253. Where's your halo?

254. Also tucked.

255. Most of these things are for flying only

256. and it's immediate tuck-time on landing.

257. Looks like she's wearing a piece of the tent.

258. Can we see you fly?

259. I'd rather not.

260. Maybe I'll just shoot you, to be safe.

261. I saw him fly.

262. It was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!

263. It brought tears to these Southern eyes.

264. And as I looked upon that flying angel,

265. I said to myself, "Be strong, Roslyn!

266. "Because whether it was poison or not, Daddy is gone.

267. "And if you just sit on your tuffet,

268. "you'll never get to brush your hair at the pink vanity of..."

269. All right, that's plenty.

270. I'm the angel, is the main takeaway,

271. and I'm here for that piece of our beautiful wall.

272. There's a big hole near the Gate

273. and sinners are wiggling through.

274. Saint Peter's Gate?

275. - Yup. - It is an angel!

276. I saw him fly, too!

277. I think I saw him eat a big cheeseburger

278. across the street!

279. Hallelujah!

280. Well, I guess I should be going,

281. but God thanks you for your assistance.

282. Will we get into Heaven for this?

283. Boy, you guys sure are excited about Heaven.

284. What's it like?

285. It's nice.

286. It's very nice.

287. Yeah, there's like the wall

288. and the Gate, obviously. I already mentioned those.

289. What's inside the wall?

290. Oh, it's got everything. There's a tent, just like this and, um...

291. Oh, they've got green chiles.

292. As above, so below!

293. Who wants a kiss from a real angel?

294. Form a line.

295. Kiss line canceled.

296. Everyone, link arms and form a Heaven's Wall here on Earth

297. with your bodies.

298. You should see a doctor.

299. Tell him God said, "Radiation poisoning."

300. Aaah!

301. Looks like someone was hoping to get back to Heaven,

302. but I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you

303. someplace south of that.

304. You're a clever one, gray man.

305. But I'm a clever gray man, too.

306. I realized you were no angel.

307. Because I didn't have the wings.

308. Ha! I didn't know for sure until you just confirmed it.

309. And now, I'm taking you to a new secret facility in Nevada.

310. It's called Area 51. State of the art.

311. Makes Area 50 look like Area 49.

312. Will I like it there?

313. Oh, you'll love it!

314. Unless you don't like being dissected alive,

315. in which case, you'll hate it.

316. What's that? A weather balloon?

317. No, it's a friend.

318. I can't see anything

319. with all this safe and harmless crop dust.

320. What the...

321. Great plan, gang.

322. I mean, I almost died, but good plan.

323. Good, not great.

324. Now, where's our getaway car?

325. Okay, this plan sucks, gang.

326. This is all the getaway we need.

327. I'm going to get you, alien scum.

328. Where is it? I know it's one of you.

329. We'll never tell.

330. And you can't take all of us.

331. I'm taking all of you.

332. A-kaza-kaza-wha?

333. I don't know which one of you is the alien.

334. I mean, I feel pretty confident it's one of the twins,

335. but I'm taking you all to Area 51 anyway.

336. Uncle Cosworth, do something!

337. One Bull Run Special coming up.

338. Okay, that's not happening.

339. I can't let you take them.

340. It's me.

341. I'm the one you want.

342. Don't say anything mean about my body.

343. Hallelujah!

344. I cracked that man.

345. I daddied him.

346. Clifton, I can't believe you were

347. hiding behind that cactus the whole time,

348. especially since you're also standing right there.

349. Great mother of pearl!

350. Kill me. Do it.

351. I wronged you.

352. I killed your...

353. I want to say, little lover?

354. Was it a sex friend?

355. It was your young.

356. I was afraid of that.

357. But before you righteously murder me, can I say something?

358. You and me are a lot alike.

359. Fellow travelers.

360. Strangers on a strange planet.

361. A strange planet full of strange humans.

362. They do weird stuff.

363. Like clapping.

364. They enjoy a thing,

365. so they gather to look at the thing and slap their hands together.

366. Big, loud, slappy clomps.

367. Dumb. In a way, the computer was right.

368. This planet has low potential.

369. But then I got to thinking about the green chile pepper,

370. full of high quantities of capsaicin, which is a poison.

371. But what you can't tell

372. from your scanning tripod on the moon

373. is that this poison is also really spicy and flavorful.

374. Get where I'm going with this?

375. Huh?

376. The people.

377. They're like the green chile peppers.

378. The things inside them that they think are poison,

379. their dark secrets and their troubled pasts,

380. just make them spicy and flavorful.

381. I told you we were a lot alike.

382. He's waking up. That's my cue!

383. Tell everyone what you saw here today, if you want.

384. Who would ever believe you?

385. He...

386. he didn't say goodbye.

387. To keep you safe, my friends.

388. I don't want you to know too much.

389. Do you think he was the alien

390. the government was looking for?

391. Hmm. Maybe they don't know enough.

392. And so, Roger sets off to travel this new world,

393. seeking only his pleasure and amusement,

394. perhaps righting a wrong, if he has time

395. and it's not a big hassle.

396. All the while being pursued by an intelligence agent,

397. his smart-alecky bald son,

398. and a vengeful shape-shifting alien who seeks to destroy him.

399. His date with destiny and the Smith family

400. still decades in front of him,

401. he is The Fellow Traveler.

402. And these are his stories.