American Dad! 15x16

Directed by Joe Daniello

Fernando Chien as Chinese Roger (voice) • David Sobolov as Russian Man (voice) • Elizabeth Sung as Yu Mei (voice) • Jared Gertner as Marcus (voice) • Tony Sirico as Mobster (voice)

Stan has to take over Roger’s different personas after a tumor takes him out of commission. Principal Lewis pressures Steve and the school choir to do whatever it takes to win.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Jackie Kanken — poorly reviewed eBay seller.

2. Eric Reynolds — tall fifth-grader.

3. Quentin Poundridge — Puerto Rican hand model.

4. Lord, what a day.

5. I have earned my Bud Light Chelada.

6. I'll tell you that much. So, what's happening?

7. Not happy hour. That's for sure.

8. It ended four minutes ago.

9. Geez, Stan! Okay! Sorry I'm late.

10. I had to pay two extra bucks for the jalapeño poppers,

11. like I'm George friggin' Soros over here.

12. What — What's that bump on your forehead?

13. This? Oh, it's nothing. Just an ingrown eyebrow hair.

14. Listen, I'm sorry I was late,

15. but I promise you now have my undivided attention.

16. It's just that I always go out of my way

17. - to show up on time when — - For the next four seconds.

18. Three, two, one. Okay! Gotta go.

19. Few more items to cross off the old to-do list.

20. Late!

21. Nacho Bartiromo, serial killer.

22. Hyah!

23. Damn it, Roger!

24. You snooze, you lose, Stan! I'm taking your spot today!

25. Oh, looks like they're putting in

26. a new Yankee Candle this fall.

27. Not too shabby.

28. Roger! I have been looking all over town for you.

29. She's the love of my life,

30. but good grief, can she be a handful.

31. Every single day, I get out of bed

32. and sing my good morning song

33. so that I can face the coming workday with gusto, zest,

34. and most importantly, of course, verve.

35. And all I ask of you is —

36. Geez, Roger, you sure you don't want to get

37. that thing on your head checked out?

38. What, this? I told you. It's nothing.

39. Look, I'm sorry I flaked on your little song,

40. but I've been feeling a little sluggish lately.

41. Probably because you're goofing off all the time

42. doing your "personas."

43. Goofing off?

44. I'll have you know I got up at 4:30 this morning

45. to get into character

46. as Russian banana inspector Olladouis Goofoff.

47. Does that sound like goofing off to you?

48. I never flake on you, and I have a real job.

49. What I do matters.

50. What I do matters, too!

51. Oh, right, it really matters

52. whether or not you run around all day blowing guys.

53. That is only a very large part of what I do.

54. People depend on my personas, Stan.

55. It might not seem like it,

56. but this town would fall apart without me.

57. Come on, Eu-Meh.

58. Let's go to the Disney Store and take a nap on that big Simba.

59. Ugh!

60. Smith, that sweet and sassy speed-scatting

61. is exactly why I asked you to join the swing choir.

62. The honor is all mine.

63. Every since I got to Pearl Bailey,

64. it's been a dream of mine to join Jazzma Attack.

65. Well, we're going to be counting on

66. that mile-a-minute mouth magic of yours at the state finals.

67. Now hit the showers, maggots!

68. Are you doing drugs?

69. I'm doing what it takes for Jazzma Attack to succeed.

70. You gotta juice that scat speed

71. if you want to compete at a state level.

72. And you better take 'em, too, kid,

73. unless you're not truly committed to swing choir.

74. Easy, Tyler.

75. As the old saw goes, you can lead a horse to water,

76. but you can't make him drink.

77. Well put, Marcus.

78. Get with the program, Smith.

79. Even your buddy Barry is mainlining testosterone

80. to get that boomin' bassy baritone.

81. Shh.

82. Nobody tell.

83. Wait. The dog's name is Marmaduke?

84. 'Sup, my ninjas?

85. Jesus, Roger!

86. Oh, my God!

87. Do you want me to call you an ambulance?

88. Why? Planning on making that meat loaf of yours tonight?

89. Man.

90. Roger, you have a tumor on your head.

91. You need to see a doctor.

92. What? Why? I'm fine.

93. Plus, I just have so much to do.

94. Alexa, what's left on my schedule for today?

95. You have a 3:15

96. as traveling nurse DeAndre Comadendo.

97. Then after that —

98. Klaus? Did you hollow out Roger's Echo?

99. What? No way! I'm not Klaus.

100. It's me, Alexa, bro!

101. Alexa, who was the fourth emperor of the Ming Dynasty?

102. Um...

103. Chickety-China, the... Chinese chicken?

104. Huh. That could be right.

105. Who's scorching all that copper wire?

106. Smells great.

107. Roger, listen to me.

108. You need to go to a doctor right now!

109. You could be dying!

110. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. That's you.

111. Well, on you catch the side flip.

112. What happened?

113. Roger, you almost died.

114. We got you to Dr. Kalgary in just the nick of time.

115. Yes, one scant moment longer,

116. and this festering mass of disease

117. would surely have claimed your soul for the damned.

118. By the way, can I offer you a La Croix or something?

119. Billy! Get our guest a La Croix!

120. There's no cold ones!

121. What? Why didn't you put any in earlier?

122. You left an empty case in here!

123. I don't have X-ray vision!

124. Yes, you do, Billy!

125. Billy, sometimes you just make me so mad!

126. - Can I keep that? - Sure!

127. Whoop! Don't try to get up.

128. You're in an extremely fragile state.

129. You'll need absolute rest and relaxation for several days!

130. Anything we can do to help while you recover, Roger, we'll do it.

131. Right, Stan?

132. Absolutely anything. Just name it.

133. Good, because Stan, I need you to take over my personas.

134. Oh-h-h-h-h-h, shi-i-i-i-i-i-t!

135. Stan, thanks again for taking time off from work

136. to cover my personas.

137. It'll really put my mind at ease while I'm convalescing

138. at the famed Chimdale Hot Springs.

139. My cousin committed suicide there.

140. It's beautiful.

141. All of my personas are of crucial importance.

142. Messing up even the tiniest detail

143. could have disastrous consequences.

144. Uh-huh. Tiniest detail. Got it.

145. Now, before you put on any of my costumes,

146. you'll first need to get into this alien-skin body suit.

147. It hides who you really are

148. so the personas are all that people see.

149. Right. Right. Cool.

150. Oh, and stay out of this box over here.

151. It's full of some personal stuff I don't want you getting into.

152. Retired characters, my mineral rights,

153. "Cougartown" DVD box set signed by Larry Bird.

154. Did Dick and Buckle go to Houston together?

155. Yeah. Tuttle's mom lives there.

156. Stan, are you paying attention?

157. Yeah. Roger, I got it.

158. I'm gonna put on a stupid gray suit,

159. dance around like an idiot,

160. and do everything on your dumb list.

161. Technically, that's correct,

162. but I'm not liking your attitude.

163. You're not taking this seriously.

164. I guess I'll just have to stay and do it myself.

165. Careful, Roger! Geez!

166. All right. I promise I'll take it seriously.

167. Okay. Then I'm off.

168. Be a doll and hand me my tumor.

169. I've gotten kind of attached to it.

170. I even gave it a name — Rogu!

171. Isn't he cute?

172. Kiss him. Come on! Kiss him!

173. I'm not leaving till you give him a little kiss.

174. - I will not kiss him. - Well, then I'll kiss him.

175. Now if you kiss me, it'll be like you kissed him.

176. What do you think of that, Rogu?

177. Now I don't come lightly to tattlin', sir,

178. but, well, while I myself am not,

179. some members of Jazzma Attack are taking...

180. swing-enhancing drugs.

181. This is extremely disturbing news, Smith.

182. When it comes to drugs, I have a zero-tolerance policy —

183. for not taking them!

184. Was your desk... a piano... before?

185. My office has always been like this!

186. State is right around the corner,

187. and we're going up against our archrivals

188. from Virginia Beach High,

189. Jazz Good Jazz It Gets, "It" In This Case Being Jazz.

190. So it goes without saying I need a "W" here.

191. You either take the drugs or you don't take the stage.

192. Now, Steve, what do you think about this?

193. Just a little something I've been working on.

194. Hmm.

195. That's all I've got so far.

196. I'm hoping to sell it to Disney for one of their cartoons.

197. Okay. Ronald Peechotka, baseball card guy.

198. Whip down display cases. Check.

199. Talk up the Steve Balboni rookie card by the register,

200. frequently using the word "cherry" as an adjective.

201. Hey, how 'bout this Balboni here, huh?

202. - Sweet as a cherry. - Sure is. Okay.

203. Ron, I'm gonna have to lock up here in about five for lunch.

204. What? Do I not work here?

205. What? No! I work here.

206. You're just some creep.

207. This is so pointless!

208. It is not pointless!

209. Roger? Where are you?

210. In the serenity suite

211. at the legendary Chimdale Hot Springs Hotel and Spa.

212. I sewed an earpiece into your skin suit.

213. Now, go ask Randy if you can use his phone

214. to make a long-distance call.

215. Ugh!

216. I can handle your workload without any help.

217. Stan, I just saw a deer!

218. Or is that an elk? Or a moose? A horse?

219. Oh! It's a picnic table.

220. Stan?

221. That's odd.

222. Andy Glan, former J. Crew employee.

223. Dr. Dante Octavarius, seahorse breeder.

224. Chunk Dunkirk, incontinent jai alai instructor.

225. "Incontinent jai alai instructor"?

226. Incontinent jai alai instructor.

227. All right, I'm calling it!

228. - Long day? - Yeah.

229. And I didn't even get halfway through Roger's stupid list.

230. "Doug Nugget, unlicensed grief counselor.

231. Take rollerblades in for repair."

232. It's all even more pointless than I thought!

233. "Take rollerblades in for repair."

234. Well, it's time to face the fact.

235. Doug Nugget's a-not coming.

236. We won't be able to afford Ma's surgery.

237. This ain't right!

238. You want breast implants, Ma, I'll get you the money!

239. Gimme all the money!

240. Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!

241. Liquor store we run protection on just got hit.

242. Had to be the Russians.

243. We strike back hard.

244. I don't know if Johnny Lasagna would be too keen on that.

245. Well, Johnny Lasagna ain't here, is he?

246. Ach. Borschky dorshky.

247. I'm okay!

248. Borschky-dorshky!

249. Had to be the Irish.

250. O'borschky o'dorshky!

251. This means war!

252. It seems to have all started

253. with a botched robbery committed by the desperate son

254. of a humble rollerblade cobbler.

255. Tale as old as time.

256. Stan, the town is falling apart!

257. Just call Roger up, admit that his personas do matter,

258. and ask him what to do.

259. No! I can still handle this.

260. I'll just finish the list now,

261. and then everything will go back to normal.

262. Oh, sick!

263. No way!

264. - Get a grip, man!

265. It's too late!

266. There's not one thing you can do to fix things now!

267. Although there may be one thing.

268. Hey, Franny!

269. I'm back from the hot springs and feeling better than ever.

270. And I saw a picnic table!

271. Roger! Thank God! Listen.

272. Stan fell behind doing all your...

273. all your personas, and then everything went...

274. to hell, and now the...

275. n-now the whole...

276. I'm sorry.

277. What in the living is that?

278. Oh, isn't it great?

279. My tumor came to life, and now I've got a little homunculus.

280. His name's Rogu.

281. Rogu.

282. 'Sup, Hayley? This is my homunculus, Rogu.

283. Jeff, my homunculus, Rogu.

284. No need to worry about the chaos outside, Franny.

285. I kind of figured something like this would happen.

286. I was so sick of Stan saying what I did didn't matter.

287. I wanted him to see for himself how much it does.

288. Rogu love Daddy.

289. He loves his blue stuff.

290. I promise I will fix everything just as soon as I get

291. all these turquoise knick-knacks put away.

292. I scored at the hot springs —

293. Rogu, are you seeing what I'm seeing?

294. Stan dressed up in the tough-guy outfit he found in there

295. and went out to deal with all the Mob bosses.

296. We're all in great danger.

297. That's not just any tough-guy. It's...

298. Ricky Spanish.

299. That's right, bitches.

300. Ricky Spanish is back!

301. And it's all thanks to Klaus.

302. Who's your least-favorite character now, Reddit?

303. Gentlemen, if we divvy up the town,

304. a truce could be beneficial to all of us.

305. Milton Berle once said,

306. "Laughter is an instant vacation."

307. He had a real thick hog. Did you guys know that?

308. Ricky Spanish?

309. What the hell are you doing here?

310. Licky Anus.

311. That was supposed to say "Ricky Spanish"!

312. Good work, Stan.

313. Now the town can go back to normal...

314. if you'll just take off the Ricky Spanish costume.

315. No. I'm not taking off the costume.

316. I'm taking over the town... and unleashing utter chaos!

317. Ricky Spanish.

318. Uh, check, please.

319. Am I using that correctly?

320. Roger, you have to stop him.

321. Right, and I only have one persona as powerful,

322. - as dangerous...

323. Oh, cute!

324. as apocalyptically destructive as Ricky Spanish.

325. Hey, Spanish!

326. Well!

327. If it isn't my archnemesis...

328. Jeannie Gold.

329. Yes, it is I —

330. incontinent wedding planner Jeannie Gold,

331. who is, of course, also... your sister!

332. So many things make sense now.

333. Your reign of terror ends now.

334. - Ra-a-a-a-a-ah! - Ah-h-h-h-h-h...

335. Ra-a-a-a-a-ah!

336. Ah-h-h-h-h-h...

337. - Ra-a-a-a-a-ah! - Ah-h-h-h-h-h...

338. Rogu save Daddy.

339. Rogu Spanish.

340. Rogu!

341. Did you make that little Ricky Spanish outfit all by yourself?

342. That is so clever!

343. He's clearly very advanced.

344. Some people — Holy shit!

345. Oh. Phew. It's not blood.

346. That's just the polymer gel from the suit's lining

347. that gives it its, you know, alien... properties.

348. I see.

349. The power of the costume infected the skin suit, too,

350. so you had to strip it off completely.

351. Yeah. Yeah. Sure.

352. Ooh!

353. Somebody needs some morphine.

354. Ah!

355. And what the hell? Some for you, too.

356. I love jazz!

357. Okay. I'll admit it, Roger. Your personas do matter.

358. Thanks, Stan.

359. But you know what really matters to me?

360. You.

361. So from now on, I'm gonna make more time for us.

362. But how? You have so much to do.

363. My body gave me a solution.

364. It sensed I had too much to do, so that's why it gave me Rogu —

365. to help take over some of my workload.

366. That's something your race does?

367. Apparently.

368. Brock, what's up with you today?

369. We're dying here. What's the play?

370. Rogu do bootleg.

371. There's the old gunslinger!

372. Bye! Have a great time.