American Dad! 14x9

Directed by Ron Hughart • Jansen Yee

Ryan Kyler Bailey as Student (voice) • Troy Gentile as Left Handed Kid (voice) • Kiernan Shipka as Student (voice) • Ryan O'Flanagan as Marshall (voice) • John Gemberling as Dumpster Guy (voice)

Steve and his friends take up witchcraft to gain power and popularity at school. Stan and Klaus become obsessed with remembering 90s bands.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Ah, the lunchroom...

2. where the natural order of a school is put on display.

3. For it is here that everything has its place.

4. At the head table are the kings of the lunchroom —

5. the football players.

6. They've already gotten more blowjobs than we'll ever get.

7. The cheerleaders are next.

8. Upon graduation, they will shed their pom-poms

9. and emerge as dental hygienists.

10. Next, it's the drama kids.

11. Ugh, so gross that they're always touching each other.

12. Then the Goth kids, guys with no personality

13. who always wear basketball shorts,

14. the robots pretending to be kids.

15. Then it's the dweebs, the nerds, the dorks,

16. Bolivian kids, and, finally, we arrive at our table.

17. - Hey, that's not us!

18. Excuse me, gentlemen, this is our table.

19. Oh, really? And what group are you guys?

20. We are...

21. uh... uh...

22. That's what I thought. From now on,

23. this table belongs to the left-handed kids.

24. We don't have a table!

25. No-o-o-o-o-o!

26. Hey, man. Would you like to join us

27. over at the table for kids who overreact to things?

28. Really? Psych!

29. We're the little stinker table, and you've just been goofed!

30. Aah!

31. Come on, Steve. There's got to be a place we can eat.

32. Oh, how about where the kid who died had his locker?

33. That hallway's haunted.

34. The kids who do those ghost-hunters YouTubes

35. are devoting an entire webisode to it.

36. I think I heard something. Do you feel a presence?

37. Yes, it was definitely a ghost.

38. He peed all over my pants.

39. This isn't just about where we eat,

40. it's about what holds us together.

41. What's our brand?

42. Snot, you're poor.

43. Toshi's Japanese.

44. A-And, Barry...

45. Barry has a true warmth of heart

46. that none of us can come close to.

47. Thanks for not saying "fat."

48. Watch where you're going, loser.

49. Hey, that could be our thing — we're all losers!

50. No way! He's a loser, you're a dumb-ass,

51. he's a bum, and he's from somewhere else.

52. The only thing you guys have in common

53. is that you're asses are about to be grasses.

54. Get those unrelated kids!

55. Go away! We're closed!

56. I-I'm sorry. I-I just need —

57. Didn't you hear me? Oh, hey, Steve.

58. Roger?

59. And this is my house of curiosities.

60. Why did you open this weird shop

61. full of stuff no one would ever want?

62. I was running from bullies.

63. W-What's that smell?

64. Mold!

65. So, bullies, huh?

66. Let's see.

67. This thing looks like a big shield or something.

68. Maybe that would help to, like, block stuff.

69. Um, and this is some sort of pewter dragon statue.

70. You could... throw it at 'em?

71. What is this stuff?

72. What's this book?

73. This book is not for you!

74. In it are contained all the solutions to your problems.

75. With it, every fear you've ever had would melt away.

76. Hopes would be fulfilled. Dreams would become reality.

77. Growers will become showers.

78. You do not want this book.

79. Oh, my meatball hoagie's ready next door.

80. but the cutest guy named Prescott makes them.

81. Right now, I'm playing it cool, just making little jokes like,

82. "The clam chowder looks like a bowl of sperms."

83. Do you think I'm being too coy, or should I turn up the heat?

84. While I'm gone,

85. don't think about that book, Steve.

86. The Art of Witchcraft.

87. Well, I'm back,

88. Prescott and I had full and complete sex

89. beneath the meat slicer.

90. Steve?

91. Huh.

92. I don't know.

93. You gots the goods, Ma.

94. I'm gonna do it!

95. and make something of myself!

96. Don't tell me what you're talking about,

97. because I'm going to the hardware store,

98. Oh, Stan, I'd love to go with you,

99. Not interested, Klaus.

100. Yeah, WXIU's '90s Fest is coming up,

101. I hope might be there.

102. All the bands from the '90s sucked.

103. Holy crap!

104. I straight-up forgot about Marcy Playground!

105. They sang "Sex and Candy."

106. Who else is on there?

107. Offspring, Candlebox!

108. Oh, man! So many memories.

109. Two memories.

110. have come to an end.

111. This is a book of magic spells.

112. Steve, magic's not real.

113. If it was, the Orlando Magic

114. would have won a championship by now.

115. Snot, you follow basketball?

116. I watch the finals.

117. it wrote words in front of my eyes.

118. Look.

119. That's right, Tosh! We've found our brand!

120. We're gonna be witches!

121. And I've already picked out our first spell.

122. We used to wear suits, God damn it!

123. No.

124. We're gonna get our lunch table back!

125. But it doesn't say not to.

126. Goddess of Witches, hear our plea.

127. We're just four boys in a tree.

128. Please, Mistress Magic, if you're able,

129. return to us our luncheon table!

130. Okay, that's that.

131. I-I guess we find out tomorrow if it worked.

132. It's okay, Steve.

133. It was a stupid idea anyway.

134. I appreciate you trying to cast another spell, Tosh,

135. but it's useless.

136. He caught that with his right hand.

137. What's happening to me?

138. I believe you're sitting at our table.

139. Who...

140. Who are you?

141. Witchcraft.

142. Is that a half-eaten roll of raw cookie dough?

143. What was going on with me

144. last time I was on this witch-hunter's cabinet?

145. a boy witch would be so immediately rewarding.

146. Now that we know it works,

147. the only question is, what spell do we cast next?

148. Hmm. The boys at Big Pharma

149. would not be happy if this little secret got out.

150. Whoa. Check out the back section —

151. Blood Magic!

152. These spells are really dark.

153. "Annal nathrak uthvas"...

154. Yeah, Steve. Maybe we shouldn't mess with any of this.

155. What if we agree to take Blood Magic off the table

156. and only use our powers to help people?

157. We'll be good boy witches.

158. Why can't you be confident like that?

159. That's what I want for you!

160. You have so much...

161. potential!

162. It sure has, Toshi, my friend.

163. Hey! I understand Tosh!

164. Oh.

165. Cool.

166. Boys, I think it's time to upgrade

167. our position in the lunchroom.

168. But we just got our table back.

169. Yeah, but we're witches now.

170. We shouldn't be sitting at the worst table in the cafet—

171. Worst table?

172. It's right by the garbage and the bathrooms!

173. Marshall, my good man. How's your day going?

174. Dude, you have 10 seconds to get the heck away from this table.

175. Marsh, it's good. We're witches now.

176. You know the old saying —

177. quarterbacks, witches, the rest be bitches.

178. Nothing wrong with a little thigh to thigh.

179. There aren't enough butterflies in the world

180. to make you cool enough to sit with us.

181. In fact, there's fewer and fewer butterflies every year, nerd!

182. Embarrass me in front of everyone.

183. He'll pay for this. Stupid Marshall.

184. He's not stupid, Steve.

185. He's the Federation of Christian Athletes'

186. Scholar Baller of the Month.

187. Don't you listen to the announcements?

188. Hello, pod listeners. This is our brand-new podcast

189. where we remember bands from the '90s.

190. That's right — Billy C. was in the White House,

191. Frasier packed up his stuff

192. and moved from Beantown to Seattle,

193. Better Than Ezra. Cowboy Junkies.

194. Spin Doctors. Toad the Wet Sprocket.

195. Hey, Stan? Yeah, Klaus?

196. Who would you say is your favorite '90s band

197. Asylum, Coughing, or Collective?

198. Easy, Collective. Collective Soul.

199. I love remembering Collective Soul.

200. What's up, my witches?

201. What happened to your hair?

202. And why are you with him? Oh, Marshall?

203. I realized I wanted to be a cool witch,

204. like Steve, my master.

205. See? Nothing weird.

206. When did Marshall's eyes get milky, like a blind guy?

207. You broke our hold-hand promise!

208. What's wrong with you?

209. Marshall disrespected us, and I taught him some respect.

210. We should be running this school.

211. We should be running this whole town.

212. We only got into this so we'd have a place to eat.

213. Place to eat?

214. We should be able to eat wherever we want

215. Marshall, churro!

216. We could have the whole town chewing our food.

217. we will force you to stop.

218. You can stop me, but you got to stop Marshall first.

219. Pretty cool, huh?

220. On the other, you just murdered a student!

221. That wasn't a student.

222. That was a zombie created by Blood Magic!

223. entrusted to protect this school.

224. I'll find whoever made this demon.

225. And when I do, I'm gonna crossbow his ass.

226. If you want to keep your asses uncrossbowed,

227. you stay away from Blood Magic, 'cause Blood Magic is dud magic.

228. We got to find Steve before Lewis does.

229. Alert the Federation of Christian Athletes.

230. Their Scholar Baller is dead.

231. We must find a successor.

232. And, guys, please be open to defensive players.

233. Hey, no kids! Go away! Read the sign!

234. Impossible! If that book were missing, I'd know.

235. It's the shop's most priceless item.

236. That's why I keep it in the most visible—

237. Wha— how? It's gone!

238. Wait. The pewter dragon!

239. Perfect. Problem solved.

240. That was the dragon, wasn't it?

241. But then all the power went straight to Steve's head.

242. When you're older, I'll show you where

243. all the power goes straight to on me.

244. Sorry, I-I interrupted you. Please continue.

245. Anyway, simple magic wasn't enough,

246. and Steve turned to using Blood Magic.

247. Aw, crap! The guy I franchised this place from

248. said he's yank my franchise if I ever let anyone use

249. Blood Magic in this franchise.

250. We got to save my franchise!

251. He said he was gonna use it to enslave the whole town!

252. And we don't even know where he is.

253. Okay, let's think.

254. If I were a whole town, where would I be?

255. To '90s Fest!

256. Who is pumped for '90s Fest?

257. We're Stan and Klaus.

258. You know that from our podcast!

259. The '90s were great! They had bands like...

260. Luscious Jackson.

261. Blind Melon.

262. Veruca Salt.

263. So let's say the name of a band that is here!

264. Semisonic!

265. Okay, you guys go right and look for Steve. I'll take the left.

266. Don't dally. We must act fast.

267. - Right. - You got it!

268. She did it.

269. She said she was gonna do it,

270. I don't see him!

271. Old lady of witchcraft, put air in my scrote

272. and allow this humble witch to float, float, float!

273. It doesn't even look like him!

274. Hey, man, w-we're trying to play "Closing Time."

275. People of Langley,

276. Boo!

277. Put back on whoever sings "Closing Time"!

278. It is now closing time on your freedom.

279. You will all be my slaves.

280. We have to stop him from casting spells!

281. Don't do this, Steve!

282. We're good boy witches, remember?

283. I remember you laughed at me

284. when I ate churro out of a quarterback's mouth.

285. We didn't laugh.

286. Die!

287. You may have Blood Magic,

288. but I'll take our friendship over that any day.

289. Die, witches!

290. I killed the guy who cut in front of me

291. Oh, and there's Steve.

292. Check, please.

293. Oh, no. Barry!

294. What have I done?

295. I'm so sorry.

296. There is one way.

297. What? Oh, I'm — I'm sorry.

298. I thought you said you wish there was a way

299. you could undo this.

300. Well, I-I didn't say that, but, yeah, I do.

301. There is one way.

302. There's an undo spell in the book.

303. Anything caused by your magic

304. will be restored to its pre-magic state.

305. But there's just one catch.

306. Anything!

307. You have to promise to buy that pewter dragon off me.

308. Fine! Just give it to me!

309. Please!

310. They went to our head.

311. We inconvenienced a lot of people, and Barry's now dead.

312. Bring our magic powers to an end

313. so we can go back to being friends.

314. Got to be honest, Steve,

315. it's still pretty hard to get those deaths off my mind.

316. My favorite part was having a place to eat lunch!

317. Don't worry. We'll get a table.

318. Follow my lead.

319. How's that throwing arm?

320. Are you freaking kidding me?

321. (Semisonic's "Closing Time" plays) As the sun sets on another day,

322. find a place to call their own.

323. Guys, I forgot to tell you, when you die, nothing happens.

324. It's just a permanent cessation of consciousness.

325. - Captions by VITAC—