1. McManahan Industries.Copy !req
2. There's no Tasha here, pal.Copy !req
3. Oh! You mean, Tasha Flunchen,Copy !req
4. supermodel
and international party girl!Copy !req
5. This is she.Copy !req
6. Berco, best agent in the biz!Copy !req
7. Whatcha got for me?
Runway work? Victoria's Secret?Copy !req
8. Don't lie to me,
am I the new face of Grape Nuts?Copy !req
9. Actually, Tasha,
I calledCopy !req
10. to wish you
a happy 28th birthday.Copy !req
11. You are
sweet as candy!Copy !req
12. And to let you know
that we're dropping you.Copy !req
13. Eat shit and die,
Berco!Copy !req
14. I'm sorry,
baby.Copy !req
15. You're 28.Copy !req
16. The camera
doesn't love you anymore!Copy !req
17. It's your time to shine,
Nadia.Copy !req
18. No!Copy !req
19. That was my lasagna,
bro!Copy !req
20. I cooked itCopy !req
21. for the Langley Falls
lasagna competition!Copy !req
22. It's really good.Copy !req
23. You probably
would've won.Copy !req
24. Aah!Copy !req
25. I'm so sad,
leave me alone!Copy !req
26. Roger, I'm trying
to meditate!Copy !req
27. Are you crying?Copy !req
28. No.Copy !req
29. Why, d-do you think
you heard something?Copy !req
30. What happened
in here?Copy !req
31. My modeling career
is over!Copy !req
32. The camera
doesn't love me anymore.Copy !req
33. No one loves me anymore.Copy !req
34. So you only feel good about
yourself if strangers love you?Copy !req
35. You know it!Copy !req
36. Ever since Tasha
was discovered at the age of 14Copy !req
37. in the mall food court,Copy !req
38. innocently going to town
on that big ol' corn dog.Copy !req
39. Listen, I've been going to this
meditation center for a while,Copy !req
40. and, well, uh,
it's given me so much clarity.Copy !req
41. I'm sure
you've heard peopleCopy !req
42. talking about it
around the house.Copy !req
43. Yeah, I think I heard Klaus
mention something.Copy !req
44. Why don't you come down to
the meditation center with me?Copy !req
45. I think it could really help you
learn to love yourself.Copy !req
46. I love myself
all the time!Copy !req
47. At least once
in the morningCopy !req
48. and usually
right before I go to sleep.Copy !req
49. Well, sounds like
your afternoon's wide open.Copy !req
50. Yeah, we can go
right after I jerk off!Copy !req
51. Should...Copy !req
52. should we turn on
the TV?Copy !req
53. I hope
you guys are hungry,Copy !req
54. because I got us
dinner reservations!Copy !req
55. We're gonna try something
new and exciting —Copy !req
56. sushi!Copy !req
57. Geez, Francine, we just tried
stromboli two years ago.Copy !req
58. Can you let us
catch our damn breath?Copy !req
59. Oh, please, Stan.Copy !req
60. You know I've been wanting to
get more culture in our lives.Copy !req
61. Culture?Copy !req
62. I thought you said you wanted
more vulture in our lives.Copy !req
63. Fine, I'll go, but you're gonna
have to figure outCopy !req
64. what to do
with these gentlemen.Copy !req
65. It's all right.Copy !req
66. We have tickets
to the theater,Copy !req
67. and if we don't leave now,
we shall miss the curtain.Copy !req
68. I'll have Marcus
bring up the car.Copy !req
69. Marcus is another bird.Copy !req
70. I'm so nervous.Copy !req
71. What if everyone notices me
and calls me names?Copy !req
72. What if one of the names
is Piss Head?Copy !req
73. Roger, this place
is about removing anxiety.Copy !req
74. They love me,
and they're gonna love you.Copy !req
75. Okay.Copy !req
76. Welcome, everyone.Copy !req
77. I hope
I'm not being too forceful.Copy !req
78. You're fine.Copy !req
79. I'm Chad,
this is Gina,Copy !req
80. and this is
a giant crystal.Copy !req
81. The three of us will be
guiding you today.Copy !req
82. Oh, looks like we have
some new faces.Copy !req
83. Hi.
Hi.Copy !req
84. Welcome.
Welcome.Copy !req
85. Hello.
Hi.Copy !req
86. Hi.
Hello.Copy !req
87. Welcome.
Welcome.Copy !req
88. Hi.
Hello.Copy !req
89. Are you — Are you waiting
for me to respond?Copy !req
90. Hi. Hello.Copy !req
91. Mm.Copy !req
92. Welcome.Copy !req
93. Now, let's all close our eyes
and breathe in deeply.Copy !req
94. Then breathe out,Copy !req
95. letting the air
and all your worries evacuate.Copy !req
96. Remember, each and every
one of you is perfect.Copy !req
97. Except for Dave.
Where's Dave?Copy !req
98. Your credit card was declined,
so you have to go.Copy !req
99. What a dick.Copy !req
100. Irasshaimase!
Irasshaimase!Copy !req
101. Oh.Copy !req
102. Wassup!Copy !req
103. Wassup!
Wassup!Copy !req
104. No menus.
If I wanted to read,Copy !req
105. I'd eat at the library,
but I can't.Copy !req
106. I got banned
for getting mustardCopy !req
107. on the "Guinness Book
of World Records".Copy !req
108. Why don't I start you with a
California roll and some forks?Copy !req
109. This place is Japanese,
right?Copy !req
110. Maybe one of these dudes
can fix my old Walkman.Copy !req
111. The California roll.Copy !req
112. It looks weird.Copy !req
113. This is amazing!Copy !req
114. My stomach is jealous of
my mouth for getting it first!Copy !req
115. We must understand it!Copy !req
116. Seaweed...
cucumber...Copy !req
117. Maggots?
To bind it together?Copy !req
118. That's rice.
Of course!
Rice!Copy !req
119. The rich man's maggots!Copy !req
120. Garçon!Copy !req
121. Who is responsible
for this sushi?Copy !req
122. We must tell him that,Copy !req
123. like seeing cherry blossoms
on a still lake,Copy !req
124. his food is greater
than the sum of its parts.Copy !req
125. Or like
the Mighty Morphin Power RangersCopy !req
126. once they've morphed
into the Megazord.Copy !req
127. I must learn
the chef's secrets.Copy !req
128. Unfortunately,
Chef HarukiCopy !req
129. will tell no one
the secrets of his trade.Copy !req
130. Not even
his own son.
Nonsense, Hisashi!Copy !req
131. Anyone who compares my sushi
to the MegazordCopy !req
132. obviously has
the finest tasteCopy !req
133. and has earned the right
to know my secrets.Copy !req
134. What?
Come back tomorrow,Copy !req
135. and I will teach you all
there is to know about sushi.Copy !req
136. No way I'm going to
sleep tonight — too pumped.Copy !req
137. Mind if I just wait around
outside 'til you're open?Copy !req
138. Never mind,
you don't own the sidewalk.Copy !req
139. I don't need
your permission.Copy !req
140. You're not the boss of me —
until tomorrow!Copy !req
141. Hayley, I am pumped
to do some introspection today.Copy !req
142. I'm so glad you love this place
as much as I do, Roger.Copy !req
143. Hey, Molly!
Okay.
Hi, Ragi!Copy !req
144. So good
to see you!Copy !req
145. It fills me with such light
to see you, Molly.Copy !req
146. Roger, have you been coming here
without me?Copy !req
147. Hmm, have I?Copy !req
148. Welcome back, everyone.
Namaste.Copy !req
149. Namaste, Ragi-Baba.
Namaste, Ragi-Baba.
Namaste, Ragi-Baba.Copy !req
150. Oh, looks like
we have a new face.Copy !req
151. What's your name?Copy !req
152. Me?
Ah, hell no!Copy !req
153. He's taking over
the whole place!Copy !req
154. Oh, good,
at least I can take this classCopy !req
155. taught by Dalton Galloway.Copy !req
156. Oh, Hayley,
does Dalton GallowayCopy !req
157. sound like
a real person to you?Copy !req
158. Grow up.
It's me.Copy !req
159. Why is Ragi-Baba
teaching all the classes?Copy !req
160. Well, it's his
meditation center now.Copy !req
161. Wait,
you sold him the center?Copy !req
162. No, we didn't sell it to him.Copy !req
163. He took it
from us.Copy !req
164. Hayley,
you must understandCopy !req
165. it's very easy to take over
a meditation center.Copy !req
166. We're very
passive people.Copy !req
167. You should have seen the pussies
we pushed out of here.Copy !req
168. People always ask me, what is
the secret to enlightenment?Copy !req
169. And I always
tell them,Copy !req
170. "You must give yourself
permission to be enlightened."Copy !req
171. That is so wise.Copy !req
172. Thanks, tits.Copy !req
173. You need to stop this
right now!Copy !req
174. You're the one
who said I should meditate.Copy !req
175. Yeah, meditate, not take over
the entire meditation centerCopy !req
176. and make it
all about you!Copy !req
177. I see what's up.
You're frustratedCopy !req
178. because I mastered meditation
in one weekCopy !req
179. and you're still
super bad at it.Copy !req
180. No.Copy !req
181. I'm mad because this place
is a sanctuary for me,Copy !req
182. and you're
going to ruin it!Copy !req
183. Sanctuary! Sanctuary!Copy !req
184. What is that?Copy !req
185. Is that from a movie?
Is that from history?Copy !req
186. I don't know,
it-it's something.Copy !req
187. Anyway, relax,
Hayley.Copy !req
188. This place
ain't changing a bit.Copy !req
189. Oh, look,
the statue's here!Copy !req
190. Perfect!
Light it up!Copy !req
191. Welcome to training.Copy !req
192. I see you have brought
your own uniforms.Copy !req
193. We didn't want to show up
looking likeCopy !req
194. a bunch of assholes,
so I hopped on Amazon.Copy !req
195. Mine's supposed to be
for an American Girl doll,Copy !req
196. but you don't have to tell them
why you're buying it.Copy !req
197. Okay.Copy !req
198. Now, the first thing we do
is wash the day's rice.Copy !req
199. On it!
Oh, yeah!Copy !req
200. Oh, no!Copy !req
201. W-What is it,
Haruki?Copy !req
202. Have we
dishonored you?Copy !req
203. No.Copy !req
204. You have dishonored
the rice.Copy !req
205. The rice is the most important
ingredient in sushi.Copy !req
206. If even a single grain
is mistreated,Copy !req
207. the meal
will be ruined.Copy !req
208. Are you...?
Massaging the rice?Copy !req
209. Hai.Copy !req
210. That must make it feel
so special.Copy !req
211. It does,
but to be safe,Copy !req
212. you must then tell it
that it is special.Copy !req
213. You are a beautiful
grain of rice.Copy !req
214. I would very much like
to marry you.Copy !req
215. This will be the perfect place
to learn my father's secrets.Copy !req
216. Ba-zinga.
Ba-zinga.Copy !req
217. Whenever the cucumber shipment
is late,Copy !req
218. I like to look at
a picture of my son's mother.Copy !req
219. She was
the love of my life —Copy !req
220. and an
amazing prostitute.Copy !req
221. Our next guest today
on "Mimosa"Copy !req
222. is Langley's
leading spiritual guru,Copy !req
223. a best-selling author...Copy !req
224. and the on-set meditation coach
for the cast of "Nashville."Copy !req
225. Please welcome
Ragi-Baba!Copy !req
226. Trish, Sues,
thanks for having me.Copy !req
227. Now,
before we begin,Copy !req
228. I just want to
set the record straight.Copy !req
229. I'm no guru.Copy !req
230. Call me
whatever's above that.Copy !req
231. Sanctuary!Copy !req
232. Th-That's something, right?
W-What is that?Copy !req
233. Uh-oh!Copy !req
234. It looks like
we've got a 'bush!Copy !req
235. Ah, snap,
this is a talk-show ambush!Copy !req
236. That's right!Copy !req
237. We have someone who claims
they have dirt on you!Copy !req
238. Please welcome
Hayley Smith!Copy !req
239. Thanks Trish
or Sues.Copy !req
240. I'll get
right to the dirt.Copy !req
241. Ragi-Baba claims to be
a selfless meditation guru,Copy !req
242. but look —Copy !req
243. He's actually only doing it
for the attention,Copy !req
244. not unlike a certain
vapid supermodel I know.Copy !req
245. What does Ragi-Baba
have to doCopy !req
246. with pear-shaped beauty
Tasha Flunchen?Copy !req
247. Yeah, Hayley, those two people
couldn't be more different!Copy !req
248. Except they're both beautiful
and went to Bowling Green.Copy !req
249. Look at the photos,
Ragi!Copy !req
250. Admit it.Copy !req
251. You're just in it
for the fame.Copy !req
252. Oh, my God...Copy !req
253. you're right.Copy !req
254. In trying
to find myself...Copy !req
255. Can I get
a light change?Copy !req
256. In trying
to find myself...Copy !req
257. little music
would be nice.Copy !req
258. In trying
to find myself,Copy !req
259. I put all my stock
in how others view me,Copy !req
260. no different than proud Bowling
Green Falcon Tasha Flunchen.Copy !req
261. That is why I,
Ragi-Baba,Copy !req
262. am gonna do the only thing
there is to do.Copy !req
263. I'm going to go
into the mountains to be aloneCopy !req
264. and finally find validation
from within.Copy !req
265. Well,
that was fun.Copy !req
266. Now let's check back in
with Curtis,Copy !req
267. our smoothie expert,
and see how it's coming along!Copy !req
268. I should probably
watch this.Copy !req
269. I like to throw a banana
in there —Copy !req
270. really gives it
that banana taste!Copy !req
271. Remember
to be patient.Copy !req
272. The right fish
will find us.Copy !req
273. There!Copy !req
274. Whoa!
That's a beauty!Copy !req
275. No! Haruki, please!
Don't cry!Copy !req
276. What is wrong
with the fish?Copy !req
277. To my eye, it is the freshest
in the market.Copy !req
278. Let the chefs who do not have
our skill use the best fish.Copy !req
279. The secret to great sushi
is bad fish.Copy !req
280. Only then can the chef
truly have influence on it.Copy !req
281. Oh, duh.Copy !req
282. There!
A rotting trout!Copy !req
283. Shall we buy it,
Master Haruki?Copy !req
284. Wait, why?Copy !req
285. I've always wanted to know
why you buy rotten fish!Copy !req
286. Oh, did, uh, you guys
hear something?Copy !req
287. Uh, is the wind talking?Copy !req
288. He hates
when I do this.Copy !req
289. Hayley,
do you really thinkCopy !req
290. you're going to be able
to find Roger up here?Copy !req
291. I have to try.
I-I feel so guilty.Copy !req
292. It's my fault
he came up here,Copy !req
293. and I-I just want to make sure
he's okay.Copy !req
294. Huh.Copy !req
295. I wonder if any of those people
know where he is.Copy !req
296. Hayley!
Thank God.Copy !req
297. You got to
get me out of here!Copy !req
298. Roger,
what is this place?Copy !req
299. This place?Copy !req
300. It's a self-sustaining
collective utopiaCopy !req
301. that was built
in my honor.Copy !req
302. It's horrible.Copy !req
303. Come on,
I'll show you around.Copy !req
304. I think there's a meditation
room somewhere over there.Copy !req
305. Organic farm over there.Copy !req
306. They built a hydroelectric dam
or something over there.Copy !req
307. This is amazing.Copy !req
308. Look at all these people
living in harmony!Copy !req
309. There he is!
Ragi-Baba!Copy !req
310. I shut the hell up,
just like you instructed.Copy !req
311. And when I did, I was finally
able to listen to my son!Copy !req
312. We're talking again!Copy !req
313. Ragi-Baba, I left you alone
for five goddamn minutes,Copy !req
314. just like you asked!Copy !req
315. Now may I have
your holy touch?Copy !req
316. Touch me!
Touch me!Copy !req
317. I'm not
touching anybody!Copy !req
318. Now leave me alone!Copy !req
319. Roger,
this is incredible!Copy !req
320. You're actually helping
these people!Copy !req
321. Who cares
if I'm helping them?Copy !req
322. The whole point of this
was to help me!Copy !req
323. Oh, God.
Is that —Copy !req
324. Poison punch?
Yes, it's poison punch.Copy !req
325. You can't kill
your followers!Copy !req
326. Jeff, can you hand me
my shaman stick, please?Copy !req
327. Ragi-Baba, thank you
for stick-blessing my wife.Copy !req
328. Jeff, you've got
to untie me!Copy !req
329. Whoa, Jeff, buddy,
you're on punch duty.Copy !req
330. Sorry, babe,
my hands are tied.Copy !req
331. Ha!
Your hands are tied!Copy !req
332. We're perfect
for each other!Copy !req
333. Roger, you don't have to
kill your followers!Copy !req
334. Have you meditated
on this?Copy !req
335. Meditation?
Isn't that phoney-baloney?Copy !req
336. Phoney-baloney?Copy !req
337. Roger,
you're one of the country'sCopy !req
338. leading experts
on meditation!Copy !req
339. I was faking!Copy !req
340. I would just
close my eyesCopy !req
341. and try to remember all
the "Road Rules" cast members.Copy !req
342. You got Ibis,
you got Theo—Copy !req
343. Roger!Copy !req
344. Now is the time
to try meditation for real.Copy !req
345. I promise
it will help.Copy !req
346. Okay,
but no funny business.Copy !req
347. A lot of lives
are at stake here.Copy !req
348. He hates it.Copy !req
349. You...Copy !req
350. have mastered
the art of sushi.Copy !req
351. Oh, thank God!Copy !req
352. As a token
of your achievement,Copy !req
353. I grant you...Copy !req
354. ownership
of this restaurant.Copy !req
355. What?Copy !req
356. But I hoped one day,
it would be mine.Copy !req
357. I am sorry,
Hisashi.Copy !req
358. I would give you the restaurant
if I could,Copy !req
359. but you must understandCopy !req
360. I have already given it
to Stan and Steve.Copy !req
361. What will you do now,
Haruki?Copy !req
362. I bought an RV!Copy !req
363. I'm finally taking
this piece of riceCopy !req
364. on the honeymoon
it deserves.Copy !req
365. Okay, bye-bye!Copy !req
366. Don't worry,
Hisashi.Copy !req
367. We're gonna be
totally cool bosses.Copy !req
368. Like,
very cool bosses.Copy !req
369. I got to be honest
with you, Hisashi,Copy !req
370. I don't think
this is working out.Copy !req
371. Hey, Jeff, make sure every cup
gets a pineapple and a cherry —Copy !req
372. oh, and
heaps of poison.Copy !req
373. All right, Hayley,
I'm all yours.Copy !req
374. Okay,
just relax and breathe.Copy !req
375. I don't think
this is going to work, but okay.Copy !req
376. It's working!Copy !req
377. How did you...?Copy !req
378. What is happening?Copy !req
379. This must be
enlightenment!Copy !req
380. It feels so good!Copy !req
381. Welcome to Nirvana.Copy !req
382. I don't ever
want to leave!Copy !req
383. C-Can we, like,
live here?Copy !req
384. You are welcome to stay
for all eternity.Copy !req
385. But here,
there is no living.Copy !req
386. There is only being.Copy !req
387. Being?
What's that?Copy !req
388. Being is nothing.Copy !req
389. Being is everything.Copy !req
390. Okay, everything!Copy !req
391. So that means
you have Netflix, right?Copy !req
392. 'Cause I've been watching
"Cheers".Copy !req
393. Like,
from the beginning.Copy !req
394. And I got to know
if Carla and Coach get togetherCopy !req
395. and do the nastay.Copy !req
396. Carla and Coach?
That wasn't a storyline.Copy !req
397. You had Sam and Diane,
then Sam and Rebecca.Copy !req
398. And you can't
forget Woody.
Who's Woody?Copy !req
399. Who's Woody?Copy !req
400. Oh, my God, you have so many
good episodes ahead of you.Copy !req
401. I mean, there's no
replacing Coach, but —Copy !req
402. You know what?Copy !req
403. I got to go back
and watch some "Cheers".Copy !req
404. Lawrence, come on,
don't go!Copy !req
405. Lawrence! Ugh!Copy !req
406. Great!
We lost Lawrence.Copy !req
407. Look, this is so much better
than Earth.Copy !req
408. No beginning,
no end.Copy !req
409. No birth,
no death.Copy !req
410. No birth?Copy !req
411. But you do have birthdays,
right?Copy !req
412. I got to have
my birthday week.Copy !req
413. 10 days!
Starts on a Friday.Copy !req
414. One full weekend,
then four birthday weekdays,Copy !req
415. then we pound out
one more weekend.Copy !req
416. Four brunches,
bitch!Copy !req
417. Ugh,
I miss brunch.Copy !req
418. You know Blow Bird loves
his Bloody Mary spicy.Copy !req
419. Alan?
You, too?Copy !req
420. Okay.Copy !req
421. You must stop encouraging
other spirits to leave.Copy !req
422. And there is
no brunch here!Copy !req
423. No Netflix,
no brunch, and no birthdays.Copy !req
424. Okay, this place
is bumming me out.Copy !req
425. Time to go,
Hayley.
What? No!Copy !req
426. I'm staying!
You can't.Copy !req
427. I'm pretty sure
you're my plus one.Copy !req
428. She's just
my plus one, right?Copy !req
429. Yeah.
All right,
we outtie!Copy !req
430. Wait!Copy !req
431. Aw, man, now I'm stuck here
with just Nathan.Copy !req
432. Y-You know,
I just don't thinkCopy !req
433. I could go another minute
without a soft pretzel.Copy !req
434. Sure, I could've stayed
in nirvana.Copy !req
435. I was definitely
a natural,Copy !req
436. but I would've had to
give up all my stuff.Copy !req
437. Yeah, I think
that's the lesson I learned —Copy !req
438. the most important thing in life
is stuff.Copy !req
439. Thank you
for teaching me that, Hayley.Copy !req
440. Next time
I see you crying,Copy !req
441. remind me
not to care.Copy !req
442. I wasn't crying,
you were crying.Copy !req
443. Oh, no,
what's wrong, babe?Copy !req
444. "Hunchback of Notre Dame"!Copy !req
445. That's what
the "sanctuary" thing was from!Copy !req
446. Domo arigato!
Domo arigato!Copy !req
447. Papa...Copy !req
448. is this contentment?Copy !req
449. Yes, son.Copy !req
450. A job well-done
supplies contentment.Copy !req
451. Stan? Steve?Copy !req
452. Are you up there?Copy !req
453. I stepped away
to get my Walkman fixed,Copy !req
454. and you guys disappear
for weeks?Copy !req
455. What the dudes?Copy !req
456. Bye! Have a great time!Copy !req
457. — Captions by VITAC —Copy !req