1. What's up, Stan?Copy !req
2. Wanna go to the mallCopy !req
3. and accidentally bump kids
into the fountain?Copy !req
4. Not a chance.Copy !req
5. I got the day off
and nothin' to worry about.Copy !req
6. Gonna spend it relaxing
right here.Copy !req
7. Nothing to worry about?
In this house?Copy !req
8. I give it five minutes before
one of us ruins it for you.Copy !req
9. The only question is,
who will it be?Copy !req
10. Hey, dad!Copy !req
11. Oh, it's gonna be Steve!Copy !req
12. I made a new friend
on the edge of town.Copy !req
13. He won't tell me his name!Copy !req
14. No, that's
an inappropriate friend!Copy !req
15. And then
there's Hayley and Jeff.Copy !req
16. Dad, I need a pregnancy test,Copy !req
17. and Jeff and I are too high
to drive to the drug store.Copy !req
18. Getting high helps me
prolong our lovemaking.Copy !req
19. How's your worry-free day
goin', Stan?Copy !req
20. Look, we all know
what the resultsCopy !req
21. of the pregnancy test
is going to be.Copy !req
22. Jeff smokes so much weed —Copy !req
23. How much weed does he smoke?Copy !req
24. That — that there's no way
he could get a girl pregnant?Copy !req
25. I mean, it's...
it's not really a joke.Copy !req
26. But — but I could
think of one!Copy !req
27. Oh, you lost them, Stan.Copy !req
28. Look, if it's not this,Copy !req
29. your family will hit you
with something else.Copy !req
30. I mean, you haven't even heard
what I'm up to this week.Copy !req
31. I'm trying to get
our house includedCopy !req
32. on a list of potential
World Cup sites.Copy !req
33. Oh, no.
That — that's, like,Copy !req
34. the biggest sporting event
in the world.Copy !req
35. Picture it —
in our backyard,Copy !req
36. 120,000 horny soccer hooligans,Copy !req
37. each of them hornier
than the last.Copy !req
38. I know it sounds crazy,
but F.I.F.A.'s narrowed it downCopy !req
39. to either soldier field
or where our pool is now.Copy !req
40. Look, Stan, you can't even seeCopy !req
41. the pack of lightbulbs
I'm stealing.Copy !req
42. We can afford those!Copy !req
43. That's what I'm trying
to tell ya, Stan.Copy !req
44. You can't relax around us.Copy !req
45. Mr. S.,
I got us dancing coke cans.Copy !req
46. Did you get the pregnancy test?Copy !req
47. You're silly, Mr. S.Copy !req
48. I'm a boy.
I can't get pregnant!Copy !req
49. There's no escaping us.Copy !req
50. Dad, can my friend
have dinner with us?Copy !req
51. I won't be any bother.Copy !req
52. I'll just eat
from your boy's plate.Copy !req
53. Wait. What?
What does this mean?Copy !req
54. It means you are going to dieCopy !req
55. unless you lower
your blood pressure.Copy !req
56. Oh, god! How do I do that?
There's only one way.Copy !req
57. You have to reduce
your stress or...Copy !req
58. You'll perish.Copy !req
59. Oh, paper towels.Copy !req
60. I should probably get a roll
for the World Cup.Copy !req
61. You know, for messes.Copy !req
62. All right, everyone,
as the great Humpty once rapped,Copy !req
63. "stop what you're doin'
'cause I'm about to ruin..."Copy !req
64. whatever it was
that you were doing.Copy !req
65. Computer, engage.Copy !req
66. Last night, the C.I.A. mainframe
was hit by a cyber terrorist.Copy !req
67. They acquired a lot
of valuable information.Copy !req
68. And if you know anyone
undercover in Bolivia,Copy !req
69. you don't anymore.Copy !req
70. Now all evidence suggestsCopy !req
71. this attack was carried out
by cyber terrorist Max Zegarra.Copy !req
72. And we know exactly where
he's hiding.Copy !req
73. So the boring stuff's done.Copy !req
74. You need someone to do
the fun part?Copy !req
75. Grab him and bag him?Copy !req
76. That's one way to go,Copy !req
77. but last night I was watching
"Point Break" on TBSCopy !req
78. when I realized,
what if this attackCopy !req
79. was pulled off by
a pack of renegade surfersCopy !req
80. trying to fund
an endless summer?Copy !req
81. Sir, that's crazy!
Jackson gets it!Copy !req
82. Now, all I need is
someone to infiltrateCopy !req
83. the local surf communityCopy !req
84. and bring the law breakers
to justice.Copy !req
85. Is surfing that sport
that happens at the beach,Copy !req
86. the most relaxed place on earth,Copy !req
87. nowhere near
your stressful family?Copy !req
88. Oh, ho! Look who knows
everything about surfing!Copy !req
89. Smith, my friend,
the assignment is yours.Copy !req
90. Perfect.
Now I just have to blend in.Copy !req
91. Out of the way, Haole!
You're on my line.Copy !req
92. Aah! Aah!Copy !req
93. What's up, Haole?
This beach is for locals only.Copy !req
94. What's your zip code, bitch?Copy !req
95. And don't... lie.Copy !req
96. Hey, leave him alone!Copy !req
97. Back off.
The beach is for everyone.Copy !req
98. Says who?Copy !req
99. The city bylaws.Copy !req
100. Yeah? Well,
I'm gonna go down to city hallCopy !req
101. and talk to the head
of the records department.Copy !req
102. And then we'll see about
your little "theory."Copy !req
103. You're lucky, Haole.
This isn't over.Copy !req
104. Whoa! Thanks!
Yeah, no problem, man.Copy !req
105. Don't worry about those guys.
They just don't like outsiders.Copy !req
106. How could they tell
I'm not local?Copy !req
107. Well, trying to surf a rowboat's
a pretty big red flag.Copy !req
108. You don't really have
a beach vibe.Copy !req
109. A beach vibe.Copy !req
110. It's so simple.Copy !req
111. Do I have it now?Copy !req
112. All right, tell you what —Copy !req
113. come back tomorrow,
and I'll show you.Copy !req
114. By the way, I'm Kai.Copy !req
115. I was named after
one of the Hawaiian islands.Copy !req
116. Which one?
Maui.Copy !req
117. The best one. Nice!Copy !req
118. Not sure how you get "Kai"
out of that, but nice.Copy !req
119. Buon giorno.Copy !req
120. I am from F.I.F.A.'s World Cup
site selection committee.Copy !req
121. Ugh. Roger!Copy !req
122. But I must make a mistake.Copy !req
123. This is no stadium.
This is a house.Copy !req
124. Actually, it's more of a home...Copy !req
125. Home of the future World Cup.Copy !req
126. Clever.Copy !req
127. But being clever is only 60%
of the selection process.Copy !req
128. Let's talk
security infrastructure.Copy !req
129. Oh, yes, of course.
Business before pleasure.Copy !req
130. But before that, pleasure.Copy !req
131. Ants on a log?Copy !req
132. The ant.Copy !req
133. The ant...Copy !req
134. is amazing.Copy !req
135. Oh, thank god.
But...Copy !req
136. I have not tried the log.Copy !req
137. All right, that's it.
I'm out.Copy !req
138. The log...Copy !req
139. she is incredible.Copy !req
140. I'm telling you, a-a Ferrari
is faster than a cop car.Copy !req
141. Steve, a cop car can catch
a Ferrari. Trust me.Copy !req
142. Dad, can you believe this guy?Copy !req
143. Ugh.
This is still happening?Copy !req
144. I-I gotta —
I-I gotta go to the beach.Copy !req
145. You know why
I love surfing, Stan?Copy !req
146. It's all about learning
to let go.Copy !req
147. You know, I fathered six kids
in three different countries,Copy !req
148. and I just let 'em all go.Copy !req
149. I can't let go.Copy !req
150. I have to be responsible
for my family.Copy !req
151. If I let go,
all hell would break loose.Copy !req
152. Stan, make me a promise.Copy !req
153. The right wave is gonna come,
dude.Copy !req
154. And when it does, you're gonna
let go of your worries.Copy !req
155. Just go with the flow.Copy !req
156. Whenever.Copy !req
157. This one! P-paddle!
Paddle, Stan! Now, now, now!Copy !req
158. Stan, hamburger buns were
on sale, so I stole 600.Copy !req
159. When I have a baby,
I'm gonna name it, "Recycling."Copy !req
160. Dad, me and my mysterious friendCopy !req
161. are blood brothers now!Copy !req
162. Stan, FIFA says
the downstairs bathroom'sCopy !req
163. gonna need 70 urinals.Copy !req
164. It'll work if we move
the hamper.Copy !req
165. Remember, Stan!
Let go!Copy !req
166. I'm doing it!Copy !req
167. Ahh.Copy !req
168. Looks like
you're startin' to get it.Copy !req
169. I feel so... relaxed.Copy !req
170. Whoa, is that a soul patch?Copy !req
171. Huh. It must've grown in
during my ride.Copy !req
172. Stan, it looks really good.Copy !req
173. I didn't know we got a hammock.
When did we get a hammock?Copy !req
174. Oh, sorry.
Didn't see you on the phone.Copy !req
175. All good, Klaus. I'm just
listening to the surf report.Copy !req
176. 4-foot swells
and glassy as hell.Copy !req
177. Sounds like glassy is
where it's at, bro.Copy !req
178. Tap it.Copy !req
179. Ooh, I like surfer Stan.
He's the chillest.Copy !req
180. Dad, my new friend needs to
stop by his ex-wife's houseCopy !req
181. to pick up some stuff,
and he asked me to be lookout.Copy !req
182. Can we take your car?
He's not allowed to driveCopy !req
183. 'cause the state's
a bunch of assholes.Copy !req
184. Yeah, do your thing.
That worked?Copy !req
185. Go, Steve,
don't question it. Just go.Copy !req
186. Oh, hey, Stan, good news.Copy !req
187. We've been approved
for a liquor licenseCopy !req
188. for the World Cup.Copy !req
189. We can sell beer,
wine, and soju.Copy !req
190. We can make soju cocktails.Copy !req
191. They taste like normal cocktails
except they suckCopy !req
192. and they taste like nail polish.Copy !req
193. Sounds dank, bro.Copy !req
194. Relax, Stan.Copy !req
195. Wait. What's wrong with you?Copy !req
196. I got a quarter million-person
liquor licenseCopy !req
197. for the stadium
I'm building in your backyard.Copy !req
198. There are gonna be
Costa Ricans on your property.Copy !req
199. That doesn't worry you?Copy !req
200. Guess you didn't get the memo.Copy !req
201. I'm a surfer now,
and I don't have worries.Copy !req
202. Sorry, I had your copy
of the memo.Copy !req
203. I thought I might
see you back out here.Copy !req
204. Looks like you got the bug.Copy !req
205. Is that why my stool
is crazy loose?Copy !req
206. No, Stan. I think it's that
starfish we all saw you eat.Copy !req
207. I'm talking about
the surf bug, bro,Copy !req
208. where all you think about
is surfin'.Copy !req
209. Is that all you think about?
Surfin' waves?Copy !req
210. Truth is, there's only one wave
I think about surfing anymore.Copy !req
211. You know how waves, like,
go from the ocean to the shore?Copy !req
212. Okay!Copy !req
213. Well, legend has it,
every decade,Copy !req
214. there's a freak weather system
over the AtlanticCopy !req
215. that reverses the jet stream,Copy !req
216. and on one beach in Florida,Copy !req
217. you can catch a wave
that starts on the beachCopy !req
218. and ride it all the way
to the center of the Atlantic.Copy !req
219. Stranded in the middle
of the Atlantic?Copy !req
220. Your worries will never
find you there.Copy !req
221. Anyway, how about right now,
we ride this wave together?Copy !req
222. Sounds good. After you.Copy !req
223. No, Stan. Together.Copy !req
224. Got it. Me first.Copy !req
225. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
226. Stan, meet the crew —
Gorney, Sam, and Taylor.Copy !req
227. That was amazing!Copy !req
228. Dude, you're a natural!Copy !req
229. Kai, big news, man.Copy !req
230. There's a typhoon
in the AtlanticCopy !req
231. that's reversing the jet stream.Copy !req
232. This is it, Stan!
The wave that goes out!Copy !req
233. Are you kidding me?
We were just talking about that.Copy !req
234. We're going to Florida,
and you're coming with us.Copy !req
235. Mahalo, Deputy D.Copy !req
236. Stow that surf shit, Smith!Copy !req
237. We caught the hacker,
so I'm bringing you in.Copy !req
238. You're back at your desk
tomorrow.Copy !req
239. What?Copy !req
240. Turns out "Point Break"
wasn't the clue.Copy !req
241. It was just the movie that
was on when I was super high.Copy !req
242. But now that I'm medium high,Copy !req
243. I realize it was ridiculous
to suspect those surfers at all.Copy !req
244. Okay, they may not be hackers...Copy !req
245. but I have a hunch
they're up to something.Copy !req
246. It — it's way too soon
to take me off the case.Copy !req
247. A hunch isn't good enough.
I need evidence!Copy !req
248. No worries, brah.Copy !req
249. My name is Kai.Copy !req
250. This is Gorney, Taylor, and Sam.Copy !req
251. We are surfers,
and this is a bank robbery.Copy !req
252. You tell 'em, Kai!Copy !req
253. We're doing this to fundCopy !req
254. our surf adventures.Copy !req
255. And we laugh at the C.I.A.!Copy !req
256. Ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
257. Ha ha ha —Copy !req
258. And they're laughing at us.
That's what really gets me.Copy !req
259. Are we sure they're not
laughing with us?Copy !req
260. This is why I need
to stay on the beach.Copy !req
261. It might take a lifetime
of undercover workCopy !req
262. to bring them all to justice.Copy !req
263. They just robbed a bank
on video!Copy !req
264. We've got all we need.
Bring them in.Copy !req
265. But th-this case goes deeper.
This is just the tip.Copy !req
266. The tip is my favorite part,
Smith.Copy !req
267. The tip's all I need.Copy !req
268. Any more than that,
and it's too much!Copy !req
269. Well, I-I-I wanna bring them in
as much as anyone.Copy !req
270. But can it be after I surf
a little bit more?Copy !req
271. We're gonna go to Florida
and surf the wave that goes out!Copy !req
272. It's called Firestone Beach,Copy !req
273. but the locals call it
Shady Cove.Copy !req
274. And I wanna go there
and surf with them!Copy !req
275. They're my best friends!
Best friends?Copy !req
276. One —
that hurts my feelings.Copy !req
277. Two — the fact that they are
your best friendsCopy !req
278. makes me hate them even more!Copy !req
279. Bring them in immediately!Copy !req
280. But, sir —
Just go!Copy !req
281. I don't want you to see me cry.Copy !req
282. Drive, drive, drive!Copy !req
283. Those low-key surfers
have kidnapped my best friend.Copy !req
284. But where?
Where are they taking him?Copy !req
285. He said something about
a beach. What was it?Copy !req
286. Damn it, Avery.
He's your best friend!Copy !req
287. You should've been listening!Copy !req
288. This is why he's looking for
other best friends!Copy !req
289. Yes!Copy !req
290. The music's a clue.
Follow it.Copy !req
291. Hanging with you guys
is the best.Copy !req
292. And this horchata stuff
is on point.Copy !req
293. I gotta tell you, Kai,Copy !req
294. there is literally nothing
that can ruin this for me.Copy !req
295. Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it.Copy !req
296. Look at that,Copy !req
297. I didn't worry,
and the bee flew awayCopy !req
298. right across the street
and onto Dick's jacket.Copy !req
299. Dick! The C.I.A.!
Everyone in the van!Copy !req
300. We can't just get in the van.Copy !req
301. We gotta finish chillin' first.Copy !req
302. Well, chill as fast as you can!Copy !req
303. All right, good chill.Copy !req
304. Hey, Stan, you need to get home.Copy !req
305. I went with
an iffy scaffolding company,Copy !req
306. and there is, uh...Copy !req
307. there's a lot
of dead migrant workers here.Copy !req
308. Their families are asking
a lot of questions.Copy !req
309. I could really use somebody
on damage control.Copy !req
310. So... get here.Copy !req
311. He could be anywhere.Copy !req
312. Oh, god. What did I do?Copy !req
313. Stan, you're hiding it
really well, bro,Copy !req
314. but I know you,
and you seem stressed.Copy !req
315. I have something to tell you,
and you're not gonna like it.Copy !req
316. I work for the C.I.A.,Copy !req
317. and I was sent undercover
to investigate you guys.Copy !req
318. But why?
We're not bad guys.Copy !req
319. I know.
You're awesome guys.Copy !req
320. So awesome,
I decided to frame youCopy !req
321. so I could stay undercover.Copy !req
322. I robbed a bank and made
the C.I.A. think you did it.Copy !req
323. It's cool.
You're not mad?Copy !req
324. What? Because you made us
enemies of the state?Copy !req
325. We can't get hung up
on every little thing.Copy !req
326. The thing is, if we go to
the wave that goes out,Copy !req
327. they'll probably find us.Copy !req
328. And if they do, they'll shoot
first and ask questions later.Copy !req
329. I get it, dude.Copy !req
330. Hey, guys!
Put out the bonfire.Copy !req
331. Stan's in the C.I.A.
and framed us for a crime.Copy !req
332. His boss will kill us
if he, like, finds us,Copy !req
333. which means we're not going to
surf the wave that goes out.Copy !req
334. Cool.
Sounds good.Copy !req
335. Righteous.Copy !req
336. I'm sorry you guys aren't gonna
be able to surf that wave.Copy !req
337. Do you guys think
the stars have waves?Copy !req
338. I bet they do, man.Copy !req
339. I bet there's even aliens
that surf those star waves.Copy !req
340. They probably even have
a space surfer magazine.Copy !req
341. You know there's
so many sick photosCopy !req
342. of aliens riding waves
in that magazine.Copy !req
343. Wow, nothing really fazes
you guys, huh?Copy !req
344. Do you have any secrets?Copy !req
345. I got one secret.Copy !req
346. How about I tell you a secret,
then you tell me yours?Copy !req
347. I can't tell ya my secret.Copy !req
348. If I tell ya,
you won't like me anymore.Copy !req
349. Impossible.
You could tell me anything.Copy !req
350. We'll be friends to the end.Copy !req
351. Yeah.Copy !req
352. Friends to the very end.Copy !req
353. Man, this is the best.Copy !req
354. Hey, what do you —
what do you see over there?Copy !req
355. Dear Stan...Copy !req
356. I know I said I was okay not
surfing the wave that goes out,Copy !req
357. but then I woke up to pee
and decided I wanted to.Copy !req
358. Hope you're not worried.
We're not.Copy !req
359. Love always, Kai.Copy !req
360. P.S...Copy !req
361. I wrote that
postscript pretty close to the water.Copy !req
362. So if it got washed away
by a wave,Copy !req
363. don't worry because...Copy !req
364. no worries.Copy !req
365. I'm sorry, Kai,
but there are worries.Copy !req
366. There are lots of worries.Copy !req
367. For instance,
I'm standing on a jellyfish,Copy !req
368. and the jellyfish
has attracted wolves...Copy !req
369. and the wolves
are being hunted by poachers.Copy !req
370. You've seen too much.Copy !req
371. Thanks for getting me out of
that scrape back there, herbie.Copy !req
372. Although
I still think you could'veCopy !req
373. let those poachers live.Copy !req
374. Well, we all have to comeCopy !req
375. to our own moral conclusions
in life.Copy !req
376. I hope you make it back
to your race in time.Copy !req
377. I don't get it, Kai.Copy !req
378. The waves are all going
the normal direction.Copy !req
379. Relax, man.Copy !req
380. The wave that goes out comes
when you least expect it...Copy !req
381. every 10 years...Copy !req
382. On the dot.Copy !req
383. Oh, no!Copy !req
384. All right,
everyone have their sunblock?Copy !req
385. Good. Safety first.Copy !req
386. Now let's find outCopy !req
387. if I'm pointing this
rocket launcher the right way.Copy !req
388. 3... 2...Copy !req
389. Wait! No!Copy !req
390. Oh, great, Smith.Copy !req
391. Now I have to start counting
all over.Copy !req
392. Stan, what are you doing here?Copy !req
393. We told you not to worry.Copy !req
394. The thing is, I'm a worrier.Copy !req
395. I was worrying about my family,
and that stressed me out,Copy !req
396. so I tried to get away
from them.Copy !req
397. But I just started worrying
about you guys.Copy !req
398. Turns out if I love someone,
I worry about them.Copy !req
399. And if someone's gonna
stress me out,Copy !req
400. I'd rather it be my family
than you guys.Copy !req
401. Did Stan just say he loves us?Copy !req
402. He did, Gorney. He did.Copy !req
403. I robbed the bank.
It was me.Copy !req
404. I did it because I wanted
to keep hanging outCopy !req
405. with my friends.
They're not your friends!Copy !req
406. Friends wouldn't let you
rob a bank all by yourself.Copy !req
407. I'd be shoulder to shoulder
with you, Smith, blasting away!Copy !req
408. Just... like... this!Copy !req
409. Get out of here!
Fire!Copy !req
410. Kai, what should we do?Copy !req
411. Whatever you do, don't worry!Copy !req
412. Uhh!Copy !req
413. Hang dead.Copy !req
414. It's real, Stan!
The wave that goes out is real!Copy !req
415. I'll never forget you!Copy !req
416. Damn! Looks like
they got away.Copy !req
417. But a wave can only
go out so farCopy !req
418. before it's a wave
coming back in somewhere else.Copy !req
419. And I've got a hot tip
on where that might be.Copy !req
420. Where?Copy !req
421. Dad, great news.Copy !req
422. My nameless friend
just finished making wineCopy !req
423. in the upstairs toilet.Copy !req
424. Now we're gonna bottle it.
Wanna watch?Copy !req
425. Hey, Mr. S.Copy !req
426. It's been
a pretty stressful few daysCopy !req
427. for Hayley and I.Copy !req
428. Unfortunately, the pregnancy
test came back negative.Copy !req
429. But it got us talking,Copy !req
430. and we've decided that
we're ready to have kids.Copy !req
431. All we're asking for isCopy !req
432. your emotional
and financial support.Copy !req
433. Stan, we lost the World Cup bid.Copy !req
434. But don't worry. Don't worry.Copy !req
435. If we act fast, I think
we can get the Boston Marathon.Copy !req
436. Stop hammering!Copy !req
437. They'll have to find
somewhere elseCopy !req
438. for people to run
the Boston Marathon!Copy !req
439. And you two! You're not even
close to ready to have kids!Copy !req
440. And, Steve, you numb nuts,
this man is a drifter!Copy !req
441. He needs to go! But he
doesn't have anywhere to go!Copy !req
442. He has everywhere!Copy !req
443. Steve, don't argue
with your dad.Copy !req
444. He just saved your life.Copy !req
445. Boop! That was my secret.
Best get driftin'.Copy !req
446. Honey, what's all the yelling?Copy !req
447. You're supposed to be
avoiding stress.Copy !req
448. I don't have to.Copy !req
449. I went back to the drug store,Copy !req
450. and that old crone
runs the photo department.Copy !req
451. So I went to a real doctor,
and he gave me pills,Copy !req
452. and I took all of them
because I love you idiotsCopy !req
453. and that causes me a lot...Copy !req
454. It's okay. He's breathing.Copy !req
455. Let's draw a dick on his face.Copy !req
456. Of course I know what
one looks like,Copy !req
457. but, Hayley,
why don't you draw it?Copy !req
458. Hi, I'm big wave rider
Laird Hamilton.Copy !req
459. We made some jokes tonightCopy !req
460. about people abusing
prescription drugs.Copy !req
461. I just wanted to point that out.
It was pretty funny.Copy !req