1. Guys, we made it.
Copy !req
2. We're finally invited to
a party with the cool kids.
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3. That's right, boys.
Copy !req
4. Once again,
we're being socially rewarded
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5. thanks to my...
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6. Kermit the Frog voice.
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7. Wocka, wocka, wocka.
We're at the door.
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8. Seriously, guys.
Shut the up.
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9. Oh, this is great.
You guys came!
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10. Of course.
One needn't always watch
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11. "C.S.I. Cyber"
the night that it airs.
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12. Turn your invitations over.
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13. Oh, no, the back!
Why didn't we read the back?
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14. Do we have to stay
for this?
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15. What's the etiquette here?
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16. Yeah!
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17. Steve!
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18. Go on without me!
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19. No! Never leave
a friend behind.
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20. Aww!
Aww!
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21. Ha ha!
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22. Aah!
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23. Oh, man.
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24. Looks like the party really
took off after we left.
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25. Should we have stayed?
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26. I just wanted to go to
one awesome party.
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27. Throw your own party.
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28. E-Excuse me?
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29. You're sick of not having
parties to go to?
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30. Throw your own.
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31. Sounds to me like you boys
deserve your moment
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32. of being cool.
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33. That was weird.
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34. Gentlemen,
that man at Bobby Freeze
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35. was onto something.
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36. And when a weird man
approaches you,
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37. a young boy in public,
you do what he tells you.
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38. We're having a party.
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39. Where?
Right here.
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40. My parents are on vacation
in Sarajevo.
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41. Every four years,
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42. they like to tour
a former Olympic site
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43. so they can imagine
what the games were like
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44. and reflect on
how the Olympians' best days
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45. are long behind them.
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46. Great idea for a vacation.
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47. The Olympics
create more problems
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48. than they fix for a city.
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49. And every year,
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50. they leave me
a special allowance
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51. in case I decide
to have some fun
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52. while they're away.
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53. I've never touched it.
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54. So we can spend $400
on an awesome party.
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55. And the popular kids
won't be invited.
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56. It'll be for kids like us —
the dorks and nerds.
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57. And the kids who are both
stupid and unattractive.
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58. Aren't those dorks?
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59. No, dorks are often quite
good-looking.
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60. We'll invite Small Head David,
uh, Friendless Becky Fleming.
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61. Lolo Fuentes.
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62. Sexually Curious
Homeschooled Girl Lolo Fuentes?
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63. Her parents don't let her
leave the house.
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64. Maybe she'd sneak out
for this.
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65. 'Cause this is gonna be
a party for all the kids
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66. who are never included.
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67. A party for the...
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68. Unincludeds!
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69. The deaf kids!
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70. Francine, come and picture
what it was like
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71. to watch the opening ceremonies
from here.
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72. Ever done it in an abandoned
Eastern Bloc sports arena?
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73. Mmm, that depends.
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74. Is Romania
in the Eastern Bloc?
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75. And does it still count
if the stadium
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76. was full of
screaming spectators?
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77. What kind of food is
"nouveau Fretalian"?
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78. Stick with me.
I'm gonna nail my order.
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79. Hi. What can I get you?
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80. I guess I'll have
the beet salad,
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81. and, um, the risotto,
and a glass of red wine.
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82. Um, anything that's not
too expensive.
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83. Great order.
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84. Oh, please.
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85. I'll have the tuna tartare
with quail egg,
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86. the duck with pear mostarda,
and a glass of prosecco.
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87. I'll put that in
right away.
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88. How could she compliment
your order and not mine?
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89. Did she?
Please.
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90. She practically dry-humped
your turd of an order.
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91. Mine was inspired.
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92. She should've said
"great order" to me!
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93. Maybe she sensed that you were
gonna make me pay.
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94. Of course
you're paying for this.
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95. Who do you think was
paying for this?
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96. That I'd pay for this?
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97. After the way
I've been treated?
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98. Whoa, it's packed!
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99. Yo, I heard you losers
are having a party.
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100. And I go to every party
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101. 'cause I kinda have
a drinking problem.
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102. Welcome. If you would just
stand on that "X,"
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103. someone will be along
to take your coat.
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104. Coat check! Nice touch.
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105. It's actually
a little chilly.
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106. I might hang on to my coat.
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107. Hey, Mertz!
How do you like your eggs?
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108. I like 'em hard-boiled
in the winter
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109. so I can put 'em
in my pockets
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110. and keep my hands warm
on my walk to —
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111. Aah!
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112. Guys, we've become
what we despise.
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113. Yay!
All right!
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114. Our reign of cool
starts now.
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115. Whoa.
Who are you?
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116. I'm you, Steve,
from the year 2040.
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117. And I'm you, Snot,
and we're here to warn you.
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118. You can't go back
to that party.
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119. If you're from the future,
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120. who wins the World Series
next year?
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121. Rene Russo.
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122. Buckle up,
it's a crazy season.
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123. Future us?
We're so polished.
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124. Steve, look at us!
We're still hanging out.
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125. Yeah, we're best friends,
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126. like Taylor Swift
and Usain Bolt.
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127. Oh, you don't know
about that yet.
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128. They become best friends,
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129. briefly overthrow
the U.S. government,
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130. and are beheaded together
in Times Square.
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131. Steve, they don't want
a boring history lesson.
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132. What's important is
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133. we've been inseparable
for like 30 years.
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134. And together, we invented
the time machine.
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135. See, here's
the secret to life —
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136. if you're an awkward outsider
as a kid,
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137. you end up being a rich, cool,
and very successful adult.
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138. But a few days ago,
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139. we had a couple failures
in the lab,
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140. and that was weird.
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141. And when I got a memory
of getting a blow job
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142. in high school, we knew
something was very wrong.
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143. Oh, no, that's so bad.
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144. We checked the security
footage from our lab
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145. and noticed that Mertz stole
one of our time machines.
Copy !req
146. I bet Mertz was that janitor
in Bobby Freeze!
Copy !req
147. He — He told us
to have a party.
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148. Oh! He wants you
to be cool now
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149. so in the future,
you aren't as successful.
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150. You guys can't go back down
to that party.
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151. What?
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152. You're asking us to give up
our chance to be popular
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153. and talk to all the girls
who are here to see us?
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154. It better be worth it
for us later on.
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155. Oh, it is.
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156. I've had sex four times
with three different women.
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157. You hear that, Snot?
Someone came back for seconds.
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158. Snot?
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159. He went down to the party!
He's gonna ruin everything!
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160. Okay, go get him,
but don't talk to anyone.
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161. Don't do anything memorable.
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162. Just make your usual
zero impact on people.
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163. Your future depends on it.
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164. What happens to me
and Toshi?
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165. Toshi stopped talking to us
after high school.
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166. And, Barry, old friend,
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167. you died young in
a Formula One accident.
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168. Did a wheel hop the grandstand
and take my head off
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169. because I was looking
the other way because of nachos?
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170. No, you were
a super-famous driver.
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171. Oh.
In fact,
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172. during your
final Grand Prix,
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173. you got blinded
by the amount of tits
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174. being flashed in your face.
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175. But you kept your foot
on the gas, Barry.
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176. That was your way.
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177. No one had ever seen
a blind guy drive so straight.
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178. If only it had been
a straight course.
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179. I don't wanna do this.
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180. Since when did that ever
affect what we do?
Copy !req
181. So, you know the plan?
Yeah.
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182. We reverse our orders
from the last time
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183. to see if she compliments
your order.
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184. And if she doesn't,
we'll know it's personal.
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185. And if it's personal,
you wanna guess
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186. which direction
the shit's going, Hayley?
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187. "A," down. "B," up.
"C," none of the above!
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188. Take the test, Hayley!
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189. "A!"
Which one was "A"?
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190. Down.
That's right!
Copy !req
191. Good evening.
Oh! Buenos noches.
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192. I think we're ready.
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193. I'll have the beet salad,
risotto,
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194. and a glass of red wine.
And for you?
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195. I'll have the quail egg,
tuna tartare,
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196. the duck with pear mostarda,
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197. and a glass of, uh,
prosecco.
Copy !req
198. Ooh, great order.
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199. No, no, absolutely no!
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200. Why did you tell her
she had a great order,
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201. but not me?
Did I? I'm sorry.
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202. I have a date tonight.
I wasn't even thinking.
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203. You heard her.
It's personal.
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204. That's not what she —
It's personal!
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205. Oh... zero impact.
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206. Don't even make a ripple.
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207. Klaus,
have you seen Snot?
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208. Why would I be
looking for Snot?
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209. This dude's hitting on me!
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210. It's Steve!
Steve, come hang out!
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211. Don't even make eye contact.
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212. Lolo Fuentes.
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213. Lolo Fuentes.
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214. It's Lolo Fuentes.
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215. That's Lolo Fuentes.
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216. Lolo Fuentes is here.
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217. Lolo Fuentes.
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218. Steve Smith?
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219. Um...
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220. I'm Lolo Fuentes.
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221. I've been homeschooled
my entire life,
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222. and I've never socialized
with peers before tonight.
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223. Thank you for including me.
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224. Uhh...
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225. I've never talked to
a boy before,
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226. but even I can tell
you're being smooth.
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227. And I can't lie.
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228. I'm — I'm feeling some
new feelings.
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229. May — May I hug you?
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230. Zero impact.
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231. You know just what to say.
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232. Mm...
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233. ♪ I'm ♪
Mm!
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234. Steve's the man!
Copy !req
235. Nice work, camera guy.
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236. Thanks, man.
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237. No one's more unincluded
thank the camera guy.
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238. Steve, when you grow up
and your life's awesome,
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239. you're gonna look back
on this moment, bro.
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240. This is the moment
that changed everything.
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241. Hey, where am I?
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242. A second ago I was blasting
my abs at the gym
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243. where I train for free
because I'm assistant manager.
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244. Whoa! I'm so ripped now.
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245. How many girls have you
had sex with?
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246. How many girls
haven't I had sex with?
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247. Zero.
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248. I'm awesome!
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249. I'm not awesome!
Look at me.
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250. Am I under a roof?
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251. Sheets!
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252. Steve, what did you do?
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253. I went downstairs
to look for you!
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254. I was in the bathroom.
I'd never go downstairs.
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255. I love my future self.
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256. The clean one.
Sorry, dude.
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257. Look, I'm the one who gave up.
It's my bad.
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258. I... I didn't do
anything cool, I swear.
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259. You must've done something
cool in the bathroom.
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260. I assure you,
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261. what I did in the bathroom
was not cool.
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262. Steve, come downstairs
Copy !req
263. so we can keep making out
and breaking things.
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264. Lolo, bunny,
give us a second.
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265. How could you do this
to us?
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266. I couldn't help myself!
It's Lolo Fuentes!
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267. Look, all we have to do
is go back in time
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268. and undo what I just did.
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269. How are you gonna do that?
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270. With your
time machine.
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271. Whoa, oh, oh!
I have a time machine?
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272. It's gone!
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273. Whoa, oh, oh, oh!
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274. I don't have
a time machine.
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275. Time for a 1-minute plank.
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276. 1 banana, 2 banana,
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277. 3 banana...
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278. Steve! You ruined
my future!
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279. N-Not necessarily.
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280. Maybe you're a bum
by choice, you know?
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281. Get out of the rat race.
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282. Oh, no, no, no.
I'm not doing a rat race again.
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283. They're fixed.
The rats know all the shortcuts.
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284. My rain boots.
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285. Look, Snot, our futures
clearly aren't set in stone.
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286. Let's just go downstairs
so you can do something cool.
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287. Then your future will be
awesome just like mine.
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288. I guess it's worth a shot.
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289. Barry, who's training you
these days?
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290. Steve's back!
Whoo, yeah!
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291. If I'm cool here,
you can be cool here, too.
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292. There's Becky
standing all alone.
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293. Go bring her a drink.
Okay.
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294. Hey, Becky.
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295. In this sea of losers,
you're the real standout.
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296. We may be unincluded,
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297. but I'm including you
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298. in my masturbation
fantasies later.
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299. Soda?
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300. My shirt is ruined!
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301. This is the first party
I've ever been to,
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302. and it's ruined!
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303. Wah!
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304. Whoa.
Maybe there's a reason
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305. some of these people
don't get invited to stuff.
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306. I blew it. I'm never talking
to a girl again.
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307. No way. That took guts.
Copy !req
308. Let's go upstairs and meet
the new and improved future you.
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309. Hey, Steve.
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310. Snot, I gotta tell you,
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311. she's a hell of a lot
better at this than you are.
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312. Hey!
Future me is even bigger.
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313. And he got a sweet new
deep v-neck hoodie.
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314. 'Sup?
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315. Where's future me?
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316. Someone peed in there.
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317. How did I become a convict?
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318. Long time ago, I spilled a drink
on this girl, Becky,
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319. and she screamed at me.
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320. I vowed never to speak
to a woman again.
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321. And I never did —
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322. not even the ones I ate.
Copy !req
323. Steve!
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324. Don't even worry about it.
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325. Sounds like all you have to do
is talk to a girl
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326. in the near 20 years
and this guy? Poof, he's gone.
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327. You're right.
Let's do it now.
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328. Do I hear girls downstairs?
Copy !req
329. And if so, does
your basement have, like,
Copy !req
330. one of those drains
in the floor?
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331. There's some girls.
Talk to 'em.
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332. Hi.
Copy !req
333. We're smokers.
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334. If you wanna talk to us,
you gotta smoke.
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335. Okay,
you talked to a girl.
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336. Oh, my God!
I had a tracheotomy!
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337. Actually,
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338. my master said
I needed a new sex hole.
Copy !req
339. This is hopeless!
Copy !req
340. No matter what we do,
future me is doomed.
Copy !req
341. Wait a minute.
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342. We've been trying to make
you look cool,
Copy !req
343. when everybody here
is a nerd.
Copy !req
344. We need to play
to our audience.
Copy !req
345. Have you been practicing
your magic?
Copy !req
346. Magic doesn't exist.
Copy !req
347. But illusions are real!
Copy !req
348. If you'd given me a heads up,
Copy !req
349. I'd be holding flowers
right now.
Copy !req
350. My card's not in the deck.
Copy !req
351. Oh, man, are you sure?
Copy !req
352. I know what card I picked.
Copy !req
353. Would you mind
cutting open that orange?
Copy !req
354. That's an amazing trick.
Let's go.
Copy !req
355. Did that work?
Copy !req
356. Lady, you are about to
deeply regret
Copy !req
357. not telling me
you liked my order.
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358. Sounds trivial
when I say it out loud,
Copy !req
359. but I know in my heart,
it's not.
Copy !req
360. Need a job now.
Copy !req
361. This is
an outstanding résumé.
Copy !req
362. You start Monday.
Copy !req
363. No, I'm-a start right now.
Copy !req
364. Why didn't I open with that?
I knew I was gonna do it.
Copy !req
365. Good evening, may I —
Copy !req
366. take your order?
Copy !req
367. I'll have the ricotta
and egg raviolo
Copy !req
368. and the filet of sole.
Copy !req
369. That is a great order.
Copy !req
370. A great order.
And you?
Copy !req
371. Tough order to follow.
Bed shitting potential is high.
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372. I'll have the same.
Copy !req
373. What is happening?
Copy !req
374. How did I get this way?
Copy !req
375. I can't even explain it
to us!
Copy !req
376. Snot, relax.
Copy !req
377. No matter what happens
to you in the future,
Copy !req
378. at least
we'll always be friends.
Copy !req
379. Yeah, right.
Friends with a half turtle
Copy !req
380. when there's full turtles
to be friends with?
Copy !req
381. Steve, we haven't been friends
in any of these futures.
Copy !req
382. You're right.
Copy !req
383. That's it!
Copy !req
384. It's our friendship that
makes us so successful.
Copy !req
385. What we've got to do is
guarantee that we'll be friends
Copy !req
386. no matter what
the future holds.
How?
Copy !req
387. We gotta be outcasts again,
both of us.
Copy !req
388. Unincluded from even
the unincludeds.
Copy !req
389. Sorry, ripped future me.
Copy !req
390. Even though
you're super awesome,
Copy !req
391. I gotta do this
for my best friend.
Copy !req
392. I guess I'm saying
goodbye to these.
Copy !req
393. No matter what your future,
Copy !req
394. you can still commit yourself
to regular exercise —
Copy !req
395. I said goodbye.
Copy !req
396. I'm scared.
Copy !req
397. Don't be scared
of them.
Copy !req
398. Be scared of them.
Copy !req
399. Let's do this.
Copy !req
400. Guys, you've been having
a good night.
Copy !req
401. Not sure this is a smart move
for you, bros.
Copy !req
402. It's working!
Let's take it home.
Copy !req
403. This is horrible.
Copy !req
404. Hold on.
This has potential.
Copy !req
405. Yeah, okay. Yeah.
Copy !req
406. Yeah, it's awesome!
Copy !req
407. Sorry I doubted you, bros!
Copy !req
408. Oh, no.
Copy !req
409. Hey, who wants to Eiffel Tower
this turtle with me?
Copy !req
410. What do we do?
Copy !req
411. We gotta take it
to the next level.
Copy !req
412. Look here.
Copy !req
413. 1... 2... 3...
Copy !req
414. I'm going home to spend
the rest of high school
Copy !req
415. with my father.
Copy !req
416. Start the car!
Copy !req
417. Drive, drive!
Copy !req
418. Roger,
what happened in there?
We did it!
Copy !req
419. Same as him?
Same as him, my ass!
Copy !req
420. That's a bitch move!
Copy !req
421. You knew exactly the game
we were playing!
Copy !req
422. Thank God we're back.
Copy !req
423. And everything's the same.
Copy !req
424. Did one of you guys
just break a beaker?
Copy !req
425. Why?
Does it change the future?
Copy !req
426. No, but be careful!
Copy !req
427. Stop yelling at the kids!
Copy !req
428. Bye! Have a beautiful time!
Copy !req