1. Guys, we made it.
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2. We're finally invited to
a party with the cool kids.
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3. That's right, boys.
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4. Once again, we're
being socially rewarded
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5. thanks to my...
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6. Kermit the frog voice.
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7. - Wocka, wocka, wocka.
- We're at the door.
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8. Seriously, guys. Shut the up.
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9. Oh, this is great. You guys came!
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10. Of course. One needn't always watch
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11. "C.S.I. Cyber" the night that it airs.
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12. Turn your invitations over.
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13. Oh, no, the back! Why
didn't we read the back?
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14. Do we have to stay for this?
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15. What's the etiquette here?
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16. Yeah!
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17. Steve!
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18. Go on without me!
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19. No! Never leave a friend behind.
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20. Aw! Aw!
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21. Ha ha!
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22. Aah!
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23. Oh, man.
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24. Looks like the party really
took off after we left.
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25. Should we have stayed?
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26. I just wanted to go
to one awesome party.
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27. Throw your own party.
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28. E-excuse me?
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29. You're sick of not
having parties to go to?
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30. Throw your own.
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31. Sounds to me like you
boys deserve your moment
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32. of being cool.
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33. That was weird.
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34. Gentlemen, that man at Bobby Freeze
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35. was on to something.
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36. And when a weird man approaches you,
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37. a young boy in public,
you do what he tells you.
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38. We're having a party.
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39. - Where?
- Right here.
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40. My parents are on vacation in Sarajevo.
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41. Every four years,
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42. they like to tour a former Olympic site
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43. so they can imagine
what the games were like
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44. and reflect on how the
Olympians' best days
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45. are long behind them.
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46. Great idea for a vacation.
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47. The Olympics create more problems
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48. than they fix for a city.
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49. And every year,
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50. they leave me a special allowance
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51. in case I decide to have some fun
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52. while they're away.
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53. I've never touched it.
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54. So we can spend $400
on an awesome party.
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55. And the popular kids won't be invited.
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56. It'll be for kids like
us... The dorks and nerds.
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57. And the kids who are both
stupid and unattractive.
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58. Aren't those dorks?
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59. No, dorks are often quite good-looking.
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60. We'll invite small head David,
uh, friendless Becky Fleming.
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61. Lolo Fuentes.
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62. Sexually curious homeschooled
girl Lolo Fuentes?
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63. Her parents don't let
her leave the house.
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64. Maybe she'd sneak out for this.
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65. 'Cause this is gonna be
a party for all the kids
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66. who are never included.
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67. A party for the...
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68. Unincludeds!
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69. The deaf kids!
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70. Francine, come and
picture what it was like
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71. to watch the opening
ceremonies from here.
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72. Ever done it in an abandoned
eastern bloc sports arena?
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73. Mmm, that depends.
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74. Is Romania in the eastern bloc?
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75. And does it still count if the stadium
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76. was full of screaming spectators?
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77. What kind of food is
"Nouveau Fretalian"?
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78. Stick with me. I'm gonna nail my order.
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79. Hi. What can I get you?
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80. I guess I'll have the beet salad,
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81. and, um, the Risotto,
and a glass of red wine.
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82. Um, anything that's not too expensive.
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83. Great order.
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84. Oh, please.
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85. I'll have the tuna
tartare with quail egg,
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86. the duck with pear mostarda,
and a glass of Prosecco.
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87. I'll put that in right away.
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88. How could she compliment
your order and not mine?
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89. Did she?
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90. Please, she practically dry-humped
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91. your turd of an order.
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92. Mine was inspired.
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93. She should've said "great order" to me!
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94. Maybe she sensed that you
were gonna make me pay.
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95. Of course you're paying for this.
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96. Who do you think was paying for this?
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97. That I'd pay for this?
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98. After the way I've been treated?
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99. Whoa, it's packed!
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100. Yo, I heard you losers
are having a party.
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101. And I go to every party
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102. 'cause I kinda have a drinking problem.
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103. Welcome. If you would
just stand on that "X,"
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104. someone will be along to take your coat.
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105. Coat check! Nice touch.
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106. It's actually a little chilly.
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107. I might hang on to my coat.
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108. Hey, Mertz! How do you like your eggs?
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109. I like 'em hard-boiled in the Winter
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110. so I can put 'em in my pockets
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111. and keep my hands warm on my walk to...
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112. Aah!
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113. Guys, we've become what we despise.
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114. - Yay!
- All right!
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115. Our reign of cool starts now.
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116. - Whoa!
- Who are you?
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117. I'm you, Steve, from the year 2040.
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118. And I'm you, Snot, and
we're here to warn you.
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119. You can't go back to that party.
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120. If you're from the future,
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121. who wins the world series next year?
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122. Rene Russo.
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123. Buckle up, it's a crazy season.
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124. Future us? We're so polished.
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125. Steve, look at us!
We're still hanging out.
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126. Yeah, we're best friends,
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127. like Taylor Swift and Usain Bolt.
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128. Oh, you don't know about that yet.
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129. They become best friends,
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130. briefly overthrow the U.S. government,
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131. and are beheaded
together in Times Square.
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132. Steve, they don't want
a boring history lesson.
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133. What's important is
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134. we've been inseparable
for, like, 30 years.
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135. And together, we
invented the time machine.
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136. See, here's the secret to life...
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137. If you're an awkward outsider as a kid,
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138. you end up being a rich, cool,
and very successful adult.
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139. But a few days ago,
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140. we had a couple failures in the lab,
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141. and that was weird.
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142. And when I got a memory
of getting a blow job
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143. in high school, we knew
something was very wrong.
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144. Oh, no, that's so bad.
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145. We checked the security
footage from our lab
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146. and noticed that Mertz stole
one of our time machines.
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147. I bet Mertz was that
janitor in Bobby Freeze!
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148. He... he told us to have a party.
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149. Oh! He wants you to be cool now
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150. so in the future, you
aren't as successful.
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151. You guys can't go back
down to that party.
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152. What?
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153. You're asking us to give
up our chance to be popular
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154. and talk to all the girls
who are here to see us?
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155. It better be worth it for us later on.
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156. Oh, it is.
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157. I've had sex four times
with three different women.
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158. You hear that, Snot? Someone
came back for seconds.
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159. Snot?
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160. He went down to the party!
He's gonna ruin everything!
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161. Okay, go get him, but
don't talk to anyone.
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162. Don't do anything memorable.
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163. Just make your usual
zero impact on people.
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164. Your future depends on it.
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165. What happens to me and Toshi?
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166. Toshi stopped talking
to us after high school.
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167. And Barry, old friend,
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168. you died young in a
formula one accident.
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169. Did a wheel hop the
grandstand and take my head off
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170. because I was looking the
other way because of nachos?
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171. No, you were a super famous driver.
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172. Oh.
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173. In fact, during your final grand prix,
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174. you got blinded by the amount of tits
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175. being flashed in your face.
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176. But you kept your
foot on the gas, Barry.
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177. That was your way.
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178. No one had ever seen a
blind guy drive so straight.
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179. If only it had been a straight course.
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180. I don't wanna do this.
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181. Since when did that
ever affect what we do?
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182. - So, you know the plan?
- Yeah.
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183. We reverse our orders from the last time
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184. to see if she compliments your order.
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185. And if she doesn't,
we'll know it's personal.
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186. And if it's personal, you wanna guess
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187. which direction the
shit's going, Hayley?
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188. "A," down. "B," up.
"C," none of the above!
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189. Take the test, Hayley!
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190. - "A!"
- Which one was "A"?
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191. Down. That's right!
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192. - Good evening.
- Oh! Buenos noches.
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193. I think we're ready.
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194. I'll have the beet salad, Risotto,
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195. - and a glass of red wine.
- And for you?
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196. I'll have the quail egg, tuna tartare,
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197. the duck with pear mostarda,
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198. and a glass of, uh, prosecco.
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199. Ooh, great order.
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200. No, no, absolutely no!
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201. Why did you tell her
she had a great order,
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202. - but not me?
- Did I? I'm sorry.
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203. I have a date tonight.
I wasn't even thinking.
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204. You heard her. It's personal.
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205. That's not what she... It's personal!
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206. Oh... zero impact.
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207. Don't even make a ripple.
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208. Klaus, have you seen Snot?
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209. Why would I be looking for Snot?
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210. This dude's hitting on me!
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211. - It's Steve!
- Steve, come hang out!
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212. Don't even make eye contact.
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213. Lolo Fuentes.
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214. Lolo Fuentes.
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215. It's Lolo Fuentes.
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216. That's Lolo Fuentes.
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217. Lolo Fuentes is here.
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218. Lolo Fuentes.
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219. Steve Smith?
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220. Um...
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221. I'm Lolo Fuentes.
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222. I've been homeschooled my entire life,
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223. and I've never socialized
with peers before tonight.
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224. Thank you for including me.
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225. Uhh...
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226. I've never talked to a boy before,
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227. but even I can tell you're being smooth.
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228. And I can't lie.
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229. I'm... I'm feeling some new feelings.
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230. May... may I hug you?
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231. Zero impact.
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232. You know just what to say.
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233. Mm...
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234. Steve's the man!
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235. Nice work, camera guy.
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236. Thanks, man.
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237. No one's more unincluded
thank the camera guy.
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238. Steve, when you grow up
and your life's awesome,
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239. you're gonna look back
on this moment, bro.
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240. This is the moment
that changed everything.
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241. Hey, where am I?
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242. A second ago I was
blasting my abs at the gym
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243. where I train for free
because I'm assistant manager.
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244. Whoa! I'm so ripped now.
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245. How many girls have you had sex with?
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246. How many girls haven't I had sex with?
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247. Zero.
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248. I'm awesome!
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249. I'm not awesome! Look at me.
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250. Am I under a roof?
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251. Sheets!
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252. Steve, what did you do?
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253. I went downstairs to look for you!
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254. I was in the bathroom.
I'd never go downstairs.
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255. I love my future self.
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256. The clean one. Sorry, dude.
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257. Look, I'm the one who
gave up. It's my bad.
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258. I... I didn't do anything cool, I swear.
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259. You must've done something
cool in the bathroom.
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260. I assure you,
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261. what I did in the bathroom was not cool.
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262. Steve, come downstairs
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263. so we can keep making
out and breaking things.
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264. Lolo, bunny, give us a second.
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265. How could you do this to us?
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266. I couldn't help myself!
It's Lolo Fuentes!
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267. Look, all we have to
do is go back in time
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268. and undo what I just did.
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269. How are you gonna do that?
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270. With your time machine.
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271. Whoa, oh oh! I have a time machine?
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272. It's gone!
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273. Whoa, oh, oh, oh!
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274. I don't have a time machine.
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275. Time for a 1-minute plank.
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276. 1 banana, 2 banana,
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277. 3 banana...
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278. Steve! You ruined my future!
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279. Not necessarily.
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280. Maybe you're a bum by choice, you know?
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281. Get out of the rat race.
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282. Oh, no, no, no. I'm not
doing a rat race again.
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283. They're fixed. The rats
know all the shortcuts.
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284. My rain boots.
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285. Look, Snot, our futures
clearly aren't set in stone.
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286. Let's just go downstairs so
you can do something cool.
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287. Then your future will be
awesome just like mine.
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288. I guess it's worth a shot.
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289. Barry, who's training you these days?
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290. - Steve's back!
- Whoo, yeah!
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291. If I'm cool here, you
can be cool here, too.
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292. There's Becky standing all alone.
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293. - Go bring her a drink.
- Okay.
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294. Hey, Becky.
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295. In this sea of losers,
you're the real standout.
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296. We may be unincluded,
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297. but I'm including you
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298. in my masturbation fantasies later.
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299. Soda?
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300. My shirt is ruined!
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301. This is the first
party I've ever been to,
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302. and it's ruined!
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303. Wah!
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304. - Whoa.
- Maybe there's a reason
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305. some of these people
don't get invited to stuff.
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306. I blew it. I'm never
talking to a girl again.
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307. No way. That took guts.
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308. Let's go upstairs and meet the
new and improved future you.
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309. Hey, Steve.
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310. Snot, I gotta tell you,
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311. she's a hell of a lot
better at this than you are.
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312. Hey! Future me is even bigger.
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313. And he got a sweet
new deep V-neck hoodie.
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314. 'Sup?
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315. Where's future me?
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316. Someone peed in there.
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317. How did I become a convict?
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318. Long time ago, I spilled a
drink on this girl, Becky,
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319. and she screamed at me.
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320. I vowed never to speak to a woman again.
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321. And I never did...
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322. Not even the ones I ate.
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323. Steve!
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324. Don't even worry about it.
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325. Sounds like all you have
to do is talk to a girl
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326. in the near 20 years and
this guy? Poof, he's gone.
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327. You're right. Let's do it now.
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328. Do I hear girls downstairs?
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329. And if so, does your
basement have, like,
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330. one of those drains in the floor?
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331. There's some girls. Talk to 'em.
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332. Hi.
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333. We're smokers.
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334. If you wanna talk to
us, you gotta smoke.
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335. Okay, you talked to a girl.
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336. Oh, my god! I had a tracheotomy!
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337. Actually,
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338. my master said I needed a new sex hole.
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339. This is hopeless!
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340. No matter what we do,
future me is doomed.
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341. Wait a minute.
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342. We've been trying to make you look cool,
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343. when everybody here is a nerd.
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344. We need to play to our audience.
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345. Have you been practicing your magic?
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346. Magic doesn't exist.
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347. But illusions are real!
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348. If you'd given me a heads up,
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349. I'd be holding flowers right now.
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350. My card's not in the deck.
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351. Oh, man, are you sure?
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352. I know the card I picked.
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353. Would you mind cutting open that orange?
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354. That's an amazing trick. Let's go.
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355. Did that work?
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356. Lady, you are about to deeply regret
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357. not telling me you liked my order.
Sounds trivial when I say it out loud
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358. But I know in my heart, it's not.
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359. Need a job now.
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360. This is an outstanding résumé.
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361. You start Monday.
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362. No, I'm-a start right now.
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363. Why didn't I open with that?
I knew I was gonna do it.
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364. Good evening, may I...
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365. Take your order?
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366. I'll have the ricotta and egg raviolo
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367. and the filet of sole.
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368. That is a great order.
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369. A great order. And you?
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370. Tough order to follow. Bed
shitting potential is high.
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371. I'll have the same.
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372. What is happening?
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373. How did I get this way?
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374. I can't even explain it to us!
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375. Snot, relax.
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376. No matter what happens
to you in the future,
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377. at least we'll always be friends.
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378. Yeah, right. Friends with a half turtle
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379. when there's full turtles
to be friends with?
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380. Steve, we haven't been friends
in any of these futures.
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381. You're right.
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382. That's it!
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383. It's our friendship that
makes us so successful.
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384. What we've got to do is
guarantee that we'll be friends
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385. - no matter what the future holds.
- How?
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386. We gotta be outcasts again, both of us.
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387. Unincluded from even the unincludeds.
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388. Sorry, ripped future me.
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389. Even though you're super awesome,
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390. I gotta do this for my best friend.
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391. I guess I'm saying goodbye to these.
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392. No matter what your future,
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393. you can still commit yourself
to regular exercise...
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394. I said goodbye.
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395. I'm scared.
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396. Don't be scared of them.
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397. Be scared of them.
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398. Let's do this.
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399. Guys, you've been having a good night.
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400. Not sure this is a smart move
for you, bros.
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401. It's working! Let's take it home.
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402. This is horrible.
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403. Hold on. This has potential.
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404. Yeah, okay. Yeah.
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405. Yeah, it's awesome!
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406. Sorry I doubted you, bros!
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407. Oh, no.
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408. Hey, who wants to Eiffel
Tower this turtle with me?
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409. What do we do?
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410. We gotta take it to the next level.
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411. Look here.
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412. 1... 2... 3...
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413. I'm going home to spend the rest
of high school
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414. with my father.
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415. Started out really
good, but it sucks now.
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416. Start the car!
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417. Drive, drive!
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418. - Roger, what happened in there?
- We did it!
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419. Same as him? Same as him, my ass!
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420. That's a bitch move!
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421. You knew exactly the
game we were playing!
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422. Thank god we're back.
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423. And everything's the same.
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424. Did one of you guys just break a beaker?
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425. Why? Does it change the future?
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426. No, but be careful!
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427. Stop yelling at the kids!
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