1. Aah!
Copy !req
2. I don't believe this.
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3. How could they put me
at the kids' table?
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4. I'm 14.
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5. I'm Batman.
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6. No, you're not!
Copy !req
7. I'm too old for this.
Copy !req
8. I don't want to be
around all these babies
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9. playing Pokémon... badly.
Copy !req
10. This kid right here is just
wasting his Charizard.
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11. You are wasting
your Charizard!
Copy !req
12. Gentlemen, just in time
for the annual hunting trip,
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13. I've purchased an RV,
and I love it.
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14. It's like driving
a terrible little house.
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15. Hunting trip?
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16. That sounds awesome!
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17. Steve, that trip,
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18. like this table,
is for men only.
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19. Yeah, kid.
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20. So make like Pete Weber
in the tenth frame
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21. of the 2007 Pro Bowling
championships and split.
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22. I love taking
the old '93 Mercury Sable
Copy !req
23. out for a little joyride.
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24. Letting her stretch her legs.
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25. Oh, oh, odometer's about
to turn over to all zeros.
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26. That might be interesting
to see.
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27. Ooh, check out this girl.
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28. Just drifting along.
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29. What an interesting look
she has.
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30. I'm so interested
in things today.
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31. And well, I'll just say it:
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32. I'm behaving very interestingly.
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33. Well, that's over.
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34. Oh, damn it!
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35. Y-You following
my daughter?
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36. Screw you, buddy!
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37. Get out of here,
you pervert!
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38. Your weird daughter
made me miss the zeros!
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39. She made me miss the thing!
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40. You freako!
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41. I don't know what
you're talking about!
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42. Get back in your house!
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43. Get back in
your damn house!
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44. Next on Guy Who Gets Laid A Lot,
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45. the guy spends the night alone.
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46. Aw...
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47. Psyche! He totally gets laid.
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48. Oh, they got me.
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49. They got me again.
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50. Whoa, whoa, whoa,
what is this?
Copy !req
51. A brief PowerPoint
presentation
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52. about why I should go
on that CIA hunting trip.
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53. No, I told you,
it's for men.
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54. Exactly, and as you can see,
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55. I've gone through multiple rites
of passage,
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56. any of which should qualify me
for this manhood you speak of.
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57. What?
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58. PowerPoint?
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59. Why does it keep going back?
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60. I don't even want
these transitions.
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61. It's too busy.
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62. Look, Steve, you couldn't
cut it on this hunting trip.
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63. It's for rough and ready men,
and you're a boy.
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64. Then how do I become a man?
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65. Simple— you have to hunt
and kill an animal.
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66. Well, how am I supposed
to do that
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67. if you won't let me
on the hunting trip?
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68. That's a catch-22.
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69. Joseph Heller's
absurdist novel?
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70. Whoa, stop right there.
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71. You know I only read books
I've already read.
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72. She's a beauty, sir.
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73. You ever want to drive around
with your poop,
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74. this is the vehicle.
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75. Aah!
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76. Yay.
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77. Steve's here.
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78. A spare tire that doubles
as a human boy?
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79. We live in
wondrous times, Smith.
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80. Damn it, Steve, I'm
taking you home right now.
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81. Nonsense. We're here
and I'm ready to hunt.
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82. Now, let's set up camp.
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83. Move!
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84. That!
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85. Bus!
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86. This is how we're camping?
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87. It's glamping,
not camping.
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88. Oh "glamping," huh, Smith?
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89. You refuse to use that word
for six years,
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90. then suddenly your son
shows up,
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91. and it's like
you thought of it.
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92. We've got an oxygen bar,
a yoga studio,
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93. and a good but not amazing
Thai restaurant,
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94. but it's pretty good.
Copy !req
95. What do you hunt with?
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96. The only gun I've seen
is the one on the buffet.
Copy !req
97. Guns? Ha! Steve.
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98. It's glunting, not hunting.
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99. We use something
a bit more sophisticated.
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100. We use
the Hunting Command Center.
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101. Men, let's kill some animals.
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102. Movement detected in Sector K-7.
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103. Coordinating satellite path.
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104. Initiating laser.
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105. Firing in three...
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106. two...
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107. Squirrel hunted.
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108. Squirrel down.
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109. Deer!
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110. It's in the Command Center.
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111. We're powerless!
Copy !req
112. That gun is meant
to be decorative.
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113. It's a conversation piece.
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114. Smile, you son of a bitch.
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115. You're smiling.
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116. You son of a bitch.
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117. It's learning.
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118. Kill it now!
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119. Steve,
this is your man moment.
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120. Steve, you miss...
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121. What?
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122. My boy is dead.
Copy !req
123. Long live my man.
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124. Hey, they put out éclairs.
Copy !req
125. And then he shot it
out of the tree, Francine.
Copy !req
126. It was one of those tree-bucks.
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127. You know the ones.
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128. Bang! Stab!
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129. Yeah, well, I just know
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130. they're both
in a better place now.
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131. That's right.
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132. Deer hell.
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133. You were so brave.
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134. I'm so proud
of my little boy.
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135. Oh, he's no little boy,
Francine.
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136. He's a man.
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137. Great, I-I'm a man.
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138. Can we just not talk
about this anymore?
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139. Well, you're not a man yet.
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140. There's still the Regaling.
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141. What's the Regaling?
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142. "What's the Regaling?"
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143. He wants to know
what the Regaling is.
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144. Never heard of it, he says.
Can you believe this?
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145. If you want to ask me
a question, Stan,
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146. ask me a question,
but don't use me as a prop.
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147. The Regaling
is a marvelous thing.
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148. After every hunt—
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149. oh, it's just divine!
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150. You tell your hunting story
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151. to a bunch of
drunks at the Lodge.
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152. I have to tell my story?
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153. Yes, and the Regaling
will double as your man,
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154. uh, coming out party.
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155. Wait, no, no, no, your man...
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156. arriving at party.
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157. Your manutante party.
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158. Manutante ball.
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159. D-Don't rush me.
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160. Manutante balls.
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161. Uh, went past it.
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162. Steve, let the women
clear the table
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163. while we adjourn
to another room,
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164. so I can tell you
how proud I am of you
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165. without feeling
like a total gaylord.
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166. Roger, are you feeling okay?
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167. You've been quiet
all through dinner.
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168. Oh, Franny.
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169. You ever miss
a moment in your life,
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170. one of those things
you'll never get back?
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171. You know I have
no regrets, Roger.
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172. That's why I got this.
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173. Your arm is right.
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174. I'm gonna drive
another 100,000 miles
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175. and see those zeros,
if it kills me.
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176. Ooh, road trip.
Bring me.
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177. I've got lots
of good travel bits,
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178. like pretending exit names
are movie titles.
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179. State Road, coming soon.
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180. Or Main Street,
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181. from the makers
of State Road.
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182. Hmm.
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183. I don't see that
getting old.
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184. Let's do it.
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185. Good idea, guys.
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186. You won't "regert" it.
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187. Steve, we don't want to
be late for the Regaling.
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188. You look like the most
handsome man in the world,
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189. Bollywood star Akshay Kumar.
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190. Oh, did you expect me
to say Ryan Gosling?
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191. I said "the world," Steve.
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192. Get out of your
Euro-centric bubble.
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193. Anyway, you look good.
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194. Regaling!
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195. Regaling!
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196. Okay, now, Steve, when you're
telling your hunting story,
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197. don't forget to
mention all the blood.
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198. People love blood.
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199. Dad, when you first
killed something,
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200. did you feel,
Copy !req
201. I don't know,
guilty about...
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202. Steve, you're focusing
on the wrong thing.
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203. There is a lectern that
is exactly your size.
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204. Go get 'em, champ.
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205. Don't forget the bloo...
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206. Ah, he's gone.
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207. You can do this, Steve.
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208. Be a man.
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209. Uh, since time immemorial,
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210. mankind has been terrorized
by-by the deer.
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211. This fleet brown menace
has owned the night,
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212. nibbling at our gardens
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213. before slinking like cowards
back to the forest.
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214. I used to live
in the forest,
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215. but now I live on the wall
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216. with my wife up in my antlers.
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217. This is humiliating.
Copy !req
218. Thanks, Steve.
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219. Uh...
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220. uh...
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221. Th-Th-These hideous,
huge, uh, vermin...
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222. He didn't even eat the meat.
Copy !req
223. And all so he could
become a man?
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224. Well, least we know what
kind of man Steve's become...
Copy !req
225. a bad man.
Copy !req
226. Uh...
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227. hideous verm...
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228. uh...
Copy !req
229. I can't.
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230. I can't do this.
Copy !req
231. I want to be a man,
but not like this.
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232. I feel awful
about what I did.
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233. I mean, when I fired,
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234. I was just trying
to scare it off.
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235. I wasn't trying to kill anyone.
Copy !req
236. Did you hear that?
Copy !req
237. He wasn't even trying!
Copy !req
238. He's an effortless killer.
Copy !req
239. That's right.
Copy !req
240. With one shot, he slays not one,
not two, not three,
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241. but four deer!
Copy !req
242. Four?
Copy !req
243. I wanted
to surprise you, Steve.
Copy !req
244. But it turns out these deer
had babies,
Copy !req
245. and without their parents,
they will surely starve.
Copy !req
246. All right, Steve! Way to go!
Copy !req
247. Congratulations!
That a guy!
Copy !req
248. Steve...
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249. there's only one way
to be saved.
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250. Ugh! Again with this, Merv!
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251. Ever since you got mounted,
all you do is talk about Jesus!
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252. He is the light!
Copy !req
253. Okay, we want to rack up
miles on this odometer
Copy !req
254. as quickly as we can,
Copy !req
255. so no stops,
drive-throughs only.
Copy !req
256. And we're gonna share
your bowl as a bathroom.
Copy !req
257. Oh, please, no.
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258. Not my bowl.
Copy !req
259. Oh, well. I tried.
Copy !req
260. You're a messed-up
fish, man.
Copy !req
261. Is that Steve?
Copy !req
262. He's in the middle
of nowhere.
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263. We should pull over.
We don't have time.
Copy !req
264. Don't make eye contact.
Copy !req
265. Don't worry, little guys.
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266. I'm gonna
stay here and raise you.
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267. I owe you that much.
Copy !req
268. And I'm never gonna kill again.
Copy !req
269. "Dear Mother and Father,
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270. "Do not worry about me.
Copy !req
271. "I have something
I must do.
Copy !req
272. "I will return,
although I cannot say when.
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273. Tenderly yours,
Steven Anita."
Copy !req
274. He's run away!
Copy !req
275. He didn't run away.
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276. Children run away.
Copy !req
277. Steve's a man now.
Copy !req
278. He just went to take care
of some business.
Copy !req
279. It's all here in the note.
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280. I'm worried.
Copy !req
281. Francine, it says right here,
"Don't worry."
Copy !req
282. Do you need to read
the note again?
Copy !req
283. Your reading comprehension
is terrible.
Copy !req
284. Look, he said he'll be back.
Copy !req
285. How long can he possibly
be gone, anyway?
Copy !req
286. That'll be Bullock.
Copy !req
287. Time for the annual
CIA hunting trip.
Copy !req
288. I can't believe
it's been a year
Copy !req
289. since Steve left.
Copy !req
290. God, I hope he's all right.
Copy !req
291. I'm sure he's fine.
Copy !req
292. He's probably living
up in Billings, Montana.
Copy !req
293. Got a little stake
in a copper mine.
Copy !req
294. Maybe a wife— Rose.
Copy !req
295. Good ol' Rosie,
salt of the earth.
Copy !req
296. He'll get down to Bozeman
one of these days.
Copy !req
297. It's been so quiet
around here.
Copy !req
298. Roger, Klaus and Hayley
are still on
Copy !req
299. that 100,000-mile
road trip.
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300. I didn't go on that trip.
Copy !req
301. Hmm, you've really been flying
under the radar this year.
Copy !req
302. Mmm! Eat plenty of moss,
my growing boys,
Copy !req
303. or no lichen for dessert.
Copy !req
304. I sure like lichen.
Copy !req
305. Hey, where you going?
Copy !req
306. The CIA hunting trip.
Copy !req
307. So, it has been a year already.
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308. Again? You just went!
Copy !req
309. What do you mean?
You know where it is.
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310. It's wherever
you want it to be.
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311. Is this lasagna?
Copy !req
312. Did we agree on lasagna?
Copy !req
313. I never would've voted
for lasagna.
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314. Father!
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315. Steve?
Copy !req
316. Steve! You're here!
Copy !req
317. It's so good to see you.
Copy !req
318. Well, you've seen me.
Copy !req
319. And now it's time
for you and your kind
Copy !req
320. to leave this place.
Copy !req
321. What are you talking about?
Copy !req
322. I have renounced
the ways of man,
Copy !req
323. and have been living
in the woods
Copy !req
324. raising the two deer
I orphaned.
Copy !req
325. There will be no hunting
here today,
Copy !req
326. nor ever again.
Copy !req
327. But... the things
you're saying!
Copy !req
328. All this time, I thought...
Copy !req
329. you're not a man;
you're not even a mammal!
Copy !req
330. You're an anti-mammal!
Copy !req
331. That doesn't roll
off the tongue, does it?
Copy !req
332. I'll have to combine
all those words,
Copy !req
333. off the cuff,
to create a new word.
Copy !req
334. I call you "an-i-mal."
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335. That's it—
"an-i-mal."
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336. It may not be a word,
but I know what it means.
Copy !req
337. Will you make peace
with an... "an-i-mal"?
Copy !req
338. Did I say that right?
Copy !req
339. Yes, you did.
And no, I won't!
Copy !req
340. Then you've brought
this war on yourself.
Copy !req
341. So does this mean
you and Rosie split up?
Copy !req
342. Marriage is hard, son!
Copy !req
343. You gotta learn
to tune out the nonsense!
Copy !req
344. This is it.
It's finally here!
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345. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
346. Here we go.
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347. What?
Copy !req
348. This is a '93 Sable!
Copy !req
349. How is this happening?
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350. You can do it.
Copy !req
351. Almost there.
Copy !req
352. I'm not a vet, but I think
you're overfeeding your fish.
Copy !req
353. As for you, all your organs
are wrong and scary to me.
Copy !req
354. You might want
to have that looked at.
Copy !req
355. Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man!
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356. What? What is it?
Copy !req
357. The ambulance odometer's
Copy !req
358. about to roll over to 100,000!
Copy !req
359. You gotta get up here
and see this, bro!
Copy !req
360. Five zeros?
Copy !req
361. Hot dog!
Copy !req
362. Dear Lord.
Copy !req
363. Some people go their whole lives
Copy !req
364. without seeing something
this beautiful.
Copy !req
365. I can almost...
Copy !req
366. Boys, all of your training
has been leading to this moment.
Copy !req
367. Except for
the three months I wasted
Copy !req
368. trying to teach you English.
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369. Go!
Copy !req
370. And this one I scraped
on a rock,
Copy !req
371. but it doesn't hurt.
Copy !req
372. Sir, I'm picking up
something on the radar.
Copy !req
373. I know what this is.
Copy !req
374. Okay, my son wants a war,
let's give it to him.
Copy !req
375. The sauna!
Copy !req
376. We still have
the steam room!
Copy !req
377. But I prefer dry heat!
Copy !req
378. It's an ambush!
We have to rally!
Copy !req
379. Aah! Ticks!
Copy !req
380. I feel tired all of a sudden.
Copy !req
381. My muscles are achy,
Copy !req
382. and my temperament
feels inconsistent.
Copy !req
383. American bald eagles!
Copy !req
384. We're saved!
Copy !req
385. Snakes!
Copy !req
386. Our espresso bar
with free WiFi!
Copy !req
387. I've seen quite enough!
Copy !req
388. Smith!
We're getting out of here!
Copy !req
389. And surrender? Never!
Copy !req
390. I'll tell your family
you were killed by chipmunks.
Copy !req
391. (engine revs,
tires screech
Copy !req
392. It's about time that the hunter
who became the hunted
Copy !req
393. becomes the hunter.
Copy !req
394. Again.
Copy !req
395. Boys? That you?
Copy !req
396. It's over. We won.
Copy !req
397. Dignan? Applejack?
Copy !req
398. Ugh! I can't smell anything
with my seasonal allergies.
Copy !req
399. Hey, Zyrtec!
Copy !req
400. Aah!
Copy !req
401. You can't stop me
from hunting, Steve.
Copy !req
402. It's wrong, Dad.
Copy !req
403. Hunting for sport
is wrong.
Copy !req
404. I feel very differently.
Copy !req
405. My boys will come for me.
Copy !req
406. Oh, I'm counting on it.
Copy !req
407. Don't hurt him!
He's my son!
Copy !req
408. You betrayed your species.
Copy !req
409. He's not your son,
Copy !req
410. he's something for drunks
to shoot at.
Copy !req
411. I've told you a thousand times,
Copy !req
412. it's killing
that makes the man.
Copy !req
413. Clever boy.
Copy !req
414. No! Don't kill him!
Copy !req
415. It's not what we do!
Copy !req
416. Yeah, what he said.
Copy !req
417. Killing's not what
makes a man.
Copy !req
418. It's something else.
Copy !req
419. You'll regret it.
Copy !req
420. I did.
Copy !req
421. Dad, I'd like you to meet
your grandchildren.
Copy !req
422. Uh, hello.
Copy !req
423. Sorry Peepaw tried
to kill you.
Copy !req
424. I've been dreading this day,
but it's time.
Copy !req
425. You're ready now.
Copy !req
426. You have to go!
Copy !req
427. Go! Get out of here!
Shoo!
Copy !req
428. Yeah, yeah, they left
as soon as you said "go."
Copy !req
429. You're probably pretty
disappointed in me, huh?
Copy !req
430. Why would I be
disappointed in you?
Copy !req
431. 'Cause I'm not a man,
and I guess I'll never be.
Copy !req
432. No, Steve, I was wrong.
Copy !req
433. Anyone can kill.
Copy !req
434. But it takes a real man
to show mercy.
Copy !req
435. You taught me that.
Copy !req
436. So, I'm a man?
Copy !req
437. At long last, I'm a man?
Copy !req
438. You bet your ass you are.
Copy !req
439. But only in the woods.
Copy !req
440. And we're never coming
back here again.
Copy !req
441. So those deer know how to
use guns, huh? That's cool.
Copy !req
442. Well, we're almost to
100,000 again, Klaus...
Copy !req
443. 's bones.
Copy !req
444. Ooh! Is that one of
those deer men?
Copy !req
445. They're so interesting!
Copy !req
446. Noooo!
Copy !req
447. Bye, have a beautiful time!
Copy !req