1. Oh fuck. Can you believe this shit?Copy !req
2. Those rear echelon fuckers screwed up
and only gave me one sock.Copy !req
3. Screwed up?Copy !req
4. Hey, the big green machine
does not make mistakes, Drew.Copy !req
5. Oh yeah? Well, then, what am I
supposed to do with one sock?Copy !req
6. Hey, let me borrow that picture
of your sister and I'll show you.Copy !req
7. Fuck you.Copy !req
8. The USO show.
What can you tell us about it?Copy !req
9. It's an honor to play for our boys.Copy !req
10. Mm-hmm. Well, what do you think
about the war they're fighting?Copy !req
11. Well, I'd just as soon keep
my personal views about that to myself.Copy !req
12. I'm just an entertainer,
so I'd rather not say.Copy !req
13. Walk with me.Copy !req
14. - Why didn't you just answer the question?
- About the war?Copy !req
15. Couple reasons.
Most of them being it's nobody's business.Copy !req
16. Come on. Look, you're a big deal.
People want to know what you think.Copy !req
17. And I've never understood why.Copy !req
18. I can help you craft your message.Copy !req
19. - How's that sound?
- Like we're talking in circles here.Copy !req
20. Just think about it.Copy !req
21. Done.Copy !req
22. Ah, turns out I still don't want to.Copy !req
23. But if anybody
wants to talk about the show—Copy !req
24. Ooh, ooh, yeah. Speaking of.
How insanely great are they?Copy !req
25. Who? The strippers?Copy !req
26. Uh, they're called dancers.Copy !req
27. For the show.
I designed the outfits myself.Copy !req
28. You really think it's a good idea to put
those ladies in front of a crowd of GIsCopy !req
29. who've been living in the jungle,
with each other only, for a year?Copy !req
30. It's called showmanship.Copy !req
31. No, it's actually called
a rhetorical question.Copy !req
32. Hello, hello. Am I interrupting?Copy !req
33. What the hell's Robert Goulet doing here?Copy !req
34. Oh, he didn't tell you?Copy !req
35. Why, I'm part of this USO show.Copy !req
36. Some might say the best part.Copy !req
37. Haven't the boys over here
been through enough already?Copy !req
38. I think a Tony Award-winning Broadway
star is just what the doctor ordered.Copy !req
39. That depends on the doctor, I guess.Copy !req
40. You know, I've got this kid
who mows my lawn, weapons-grade moron,Copy !req
41. been stuck in the sixth grade for years,
big fan of yours.Copy !req
42. He had one of your "rock and roll jingles"
playing on the radio the other day.Copy !req
43. Catchy, in places.Copy !req
44. Happen to remember
which one of my 18 number-one hits it was?Copy !req
45. Hard to tell.
Something about dogs or jail or something.Copy !req
46. It was all very confusing.Copy !req
47. - Thanks.
- Ah, you're welcome.Copy !req
48. No. For reminding me why something
about you always kinda pisses me off.Copy !req
49. Well, jealousy manifests itself
in mysterious ways, doesn't it?Copy !req
50. Oh, and before I forget,Copy !req
51. welcome to TCB.Copy !req
52. So glad to have you on board.Copy !req
53. Wait, really?Copy !req
54. Oh God, no. They just told me to say that.Copy !req
55. I don't give a shit.Copy !req
56. Fucking Goulet?Copy !req
57. What kind of half-assed operation
are you running here?Copy !req
58. Oh we're half-assed now?
That's an improvement.Copy !req
59. Love the strippers, by the way.Copy !req
60. They're not strippers. Fuck.Copy !req
61. Right. Sorry. "Med students."Copy !req
62. The Ia Drang Valley.Copy !req
63. Last week, several GIs were wounded there
in an unusual friendly fire incident.Copy !req
64. Highly unusual.Copy !req
65. Oh, what did I tell you
about interrupting my briefings?Copy !req
66. Uh...Copy !req
67. Ah.Copy !req
68. Don't. Ever.Copy !req
69. What else?Copy !req
70. Unless I don't like
my left testicle very much. Sir.Copy !req
71. That seems pretty self-explanatory.Copy !req
72. Also pretty specific.Copy !req
73. Okay, where was I? Right. Friendly fire.Copy !req
74. That incident,
along with signal intercepts,Copy !req
75. leads us to believe the weapon
you two saw at Altamont may be here now.Copy !req
76. What exactly are we dealing with here?Copy !req
77. A sonic weapon that turns peopleCopy !req
78. - primal.
- Primal?Copy !req
79. Well, if you're susceptible, yes.Copy !req
80. But the good news is,
it doesn't work on everybody.Copy !req
81. It's 50% effective.Copy !req
82. Works on only about half the people,Copy !req
83. give or take.Copy !req
84. Thus the math.Copy !req
85. You seem to know
an awful lot about this thing.Copy !req
86. Well, we experimented
with this technology years ago.Copy !req
87. Manipulating sound waves
to bypass the conscious mindCopy !req
88. and control the subconscious mind.Copy !req
89. Wait, are you talking about mind control?Copy !req
90. Yeah, great fucking idea.Copy !req
91. That's what I said!Copy !req
92. Uh, but we had some problems,
had to shut the program down.Copy !req
93. And now someone stole your little toy
and turned it into a weapon?Copy !req
94. Exactly. And you two
are going to get it back.Copy !req
95. You'll take a boat upriver and meet
a TCB contact who will take you in.Copy !req
96. Who's the contact?Copy !req
97. It's sort of a... surprise.Copy !req
98. Doyle, who clearly doesn't like having
a left ball, by the way, is correct.Copy !req
99. You'll find out when you get there.Copy !req
100. Well, just so long
as I'm back in time for the Jaycees.Copy !req
101. What the hell's a Jaycee?Copy !req
102. Junior Chamber of Commerce. The Jaycees.Copy !req
103. They're giving me
their Man of the Year award for,Copy !req
104. well, you know, obvious reasons.Copy !req
105. We'll do our best to get you there.Copy !req
106. Good, because not getting there
is not an option, ace.Copy !req
107. That is weird.Copy !req
108. That sounded a lot like
you telling me what to do.Copy !req
109. Glad we're on the same page then.Copy !req
110. Let's be clear.Copy !req
111. I give the orders around here.Copy !req
112. You work for me, King.Copy !req
113. Oh, I think you're confusing me
with that guy over thereCopy !req
114. whose balls you like to talk about.Copy !req
115. The ball thing
did fly off the rails a little bit.Copy !req
116. Hell yeah!Copy !req
117. Jesus! Hey, ever heard of this new thing
called not trying to fucking kill us?Copy !req
118. Relax.Copy !req
119. Let Bobby Ray have his fun.
He's not gonna get anybody killed.Copy !req
120. Oh that's right. We'll already be dead,
thanks to that shit show.Copy !req
121. Uh, better half is calling.Copy !req
122. Hey there, honey. What you up to?Copy !req
123. Not much.Copy !req
124. Just cooking a little dinner for one.Copy !req
125. Yeah, sorry.
I know I've been gone a lot lately.Copy !req
126. Promise to find time for just you and me.Copy !req
127. I'm going to hold you to that.Copy !req
128. Please do.Copy !req
129. Goddamn it, Scatter!Copy !req
130. Put that poor thing out of its misery.Copy !req
131. - Just try to have a good time.
- Will do, honey.Copy !req
132. Not off to a strong start though.Copy !req
133. Heads up.Copy !req
134. Thank you for that.Copy !req
135. Ah, let's be honest, Doyle.Copy !req
136. Given your job
and proximity to yours truly,Copy !req
137. the chances of you dying a horrible death
are pretty much through the roof.Copy !req
138. But not today, buddy. Not on the agenda.Copy !req
139. Okay, um, speaking of my job,Copy !req
140. have you perhaps given
any more thought to what I—Copy !req
141. - We've been over this, Doyle.
- Indeed, sir. But I—Copy !req
142. I know you want to be a field agent,Copy !req
143. but I need your clinically obsessive
organizational skillsCopy !req
144. right where they are.Copy !req
145. Thank you, sir,
but being an agent is a dream of mine.Copy !req
146. Then keep dreaming. Have fun with that.Copy !req
147. Because in real life,Copy !req
148. you're not what any rational human being
would call field agent material.Copy !req
149. - I'm sorry, buddy.
- Sir, if I may—Copy !req
150. And not just because you have
the muscle mass of a small child.Copy !req
151. It's because you lack awareness, Doyle.Copy !req
152. A field agent has to be
ready for anything.Copy !req
153. If a flying saucer lands
and a space dragon charges outCopy !req
154. to beat you to death
with a fucking strap-on,Copy !req
155. you have to be the guy
who saw that coming.Copy !req
156. Honestly, sir?
I think I might surprise you.Copy !req
157. Hmm.Copy !req
158. Then again, you might not.Copy !req
159. Any idea who this contact is
we're meeting?Copy !req
160. Nope. Just hope to hell
they know what they're doing.Copy !req
161. It'll be fine.Copy !req
162. Oh, you think so?Copy !req
163. Because you see this green shit
all around us? It's a fucking death trap.Copy !req
164. Take it easy, CeCe with an E.
It's just the jungle. Been around forever.Copy !req
165. Mm, so has typhus,Copy !req
166. which I bet, like,
half the mosquitoes here have, by the way.Copy !req
167. Hey, you do realize there's
a decent chance that's motor oil, right?Copy !req
168. Well, he can have it,
because this baby's purring like a kitten.Copy !req
169. Hell, if I'd known the Army
was handing out hot shit like this,Copy !req
170. I probably wouldn't have dodged the draft.Copy !req
171. Excuse me?Copy !req
172. Was that a hell of a cannonball?Copy !req
173. You dodged the draft?Copy !req
174. Well, now, look here.Copy !req
175. I had three cousins who got drafted,
and only two and a half of them came back.Copy !req
176. Sorry to hear that.Copy !req
177. Look, they didn't really want me anyway
after I checked the box for gonorrhea.Copy !req
178. You faked having gonorrhea?Copy !req
179. No. I paid hookers to have sex with me
until I got gonorrhea.Copy !req
180. Actually took longer than you'd think.Copy !req
181. I'm disappointed in you, buddy.Copy !req
182. Come on. Can you blame the guy?Copy !req
183. This war is a horrible idea.Copy !req
184. Since when's trying to spread freedom
around the world a horrible idea?Copy !req
185. Uh, since the war stopped
being about that years ago.Copy !req
186. Now it's just shitty politicians shipping,Copy !req
187. if cannonball guy back there
is any indication,Copy !req
188. pretty hot guys
off to a fucking meat grinder.Copy !req
189. Well, maybe you should
jump on the next plane homeCopy !req
190. and get a fucking job
getting high on burning American flags.Copy !req
191. No, goddamn it,
that's not a real job.Copy !req
192. Tell me what you see.Copy !req
193. Well, at first glance,Copy !req
194. alarmingly little
in the low-carb department.Copy !req
195. Not the menu, you dumb-ass.
Awareness. Remember?Copy !req
196. What do you see around you?Copy !req
197. Oh yeah. Right.Copy !req
198. Well, we've got
some Army guys drinking at the—Copy !req
199. - Those are Marines.
- Hard to tell the difference.Copy !req
200. - Better not say that to them.
- Got it.Copy !req
201. Give me that, moron.Copy !req
202. Ah. No notes. Makes sense.Copy !req
203. Now, one of those Marines
isn't just a Marine.Copy !req
204. Right.Copy !req
205. Wait, what now?Copy !req
206. One of them is our secret contact.Copy !req
207. Nice! Which one?Copy !req
208. Hey, you're the one
that wants to be an agent.Copy !req
209. You tell me.Copy !req
210. - The big one with the mustache?
- Bingo.Copy !req
211. Holy shit, I did it!Copy !req
212. Wait.Copy !req
213. Why am I breathing so hard
all of a sudden?Copy !req
214. - Is that normal?
- Uh, not remotely.Copy !req
215. You should probably
see somebody about that.Copy !req
216. Well, holy shit.Copy !req
217. Looks like the man upstairs finally
changed his mind about old Bobby Ray.Copy !req
218. Oh, you gotta be fucking kidding me.Copy !req
219. - What?
- Our TCB contact.Copy !req
220. Who, her?Copy !req
221. Yeah, her. This is why the Commander
didn't tell us who our contact was.Copy !req
222. - There a problem?
- Several.Copy !req
223. Starting with the fact that she's my mom.Copy !req
224. Wait, seriously?Copy !req
225. Yeah, the rest kind of flows from there.Copy !req
226. One big river of Freudian shit.Copy !req
227. Oh CeCe.Copy !req
228. Mom.Copy !req
229. You look great.Copy !req
230. Huh. Rare dose of positive reinforcement.Copy !req
231. The bangs
are an interesting choice, though.Copy !req
232. And we're back.Copy !req
233. How long's it been? A year?Copy !req
234. Try four.Copy !req
235. Well, now you're just being ridiculous.Copy !req
236. So, are you going to introduce me
to Mr. Tall, Dark, and Insanely Sexy?Copy !req
237. Oh God.Copy !req
238. - You okay?
- Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
239. Just throwing up in my mouth a bunch.Copy !req
240. Hi, I'm Elvis.Copy !req
241. Agent Roxanne Ryder.Copy !req
242. Otherwise known as CeCe's mom.
I'll be taking you guys in country.Copy !req
243. Well, CeCe's mom,Copy !req
244. I would have guessed younger sister,
but I'll take your word for it.Copy !req
245. Oh, so piercing blue eyes and charming?Copy !req
246. Well, that's a cocktail
I'd chug in the shower.Copy !req
247. Can you not, for once?Copy !req
248. You know, I actually put my name in
to be your partner, instead of CeCe.Copy !req
249. - I'm flattered.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
250. Yeah. Because that's what moms do
when they're overly competitiveCopy !req
251. - with the daughter they never wanted.
- Ignore her.Copy !req
252. And there's my childhood
in a two-word nutshell.Copy !req
253. Now, listen carefully.Copy !req
254. I want you to quietly
slip this to our contact.Copy !req
255. This is your chance
to show me some tradecraft.Copy !req
256. I will not let you down, sir.Copy !req
257. Well, first time for everything.Copy !req
258. I'm on it.Copy !req
259. Something I can help you with?Copy !req
260. What the hell?Copy !req
261. You having a seizure or something?Copy !req
262. Just read the note.Copy !req
263. "Dear asshole, is it true ' semper fi'
means 'douchebag' in Latin?"Copy !req
264. Huh.Copy !req
265. Wait, what?Copy !req
266. Dynamite work, Doyle.
On your feet, soldier.Copy !req
267. So I take it TCB's
sort of the family business?Copy !req
268. Oh, we are definitely not a family.Copy !req
269. Well, not in the traditional way.Copy !req
270. Or any healthy way.Copy !req
271. But yes, I joined TCB right out of college
and had CeCe a few years later.Copy !req
272. But only after
rampant anonymous sex.Copy !req
273. It wasn't anonymous.Copy !req
274. Well, it is when you have
no idea who my dad is.Copy !req
275. Well, that doesn't mean
he didn't have a name, pookie bear.Copy !req
276. "Pookie bear"?Copy !req
277. Little nickname I called her
when she was growing up.Copy !req
278. No, no. No, you didn't.Copy !req
279. You never called me any cute nicknames.
Stop pretending to be normal.Copy !req
280. - You were too young to remember.
- Oh, you know what? You're right.Copy !req
281. I do remember being called
a "pull-out method cautionary tale."Copy !req
282. Hey, I apologized for that
when we had dinner with what's-his-face.Copy !req
283. - Craig.
- Who's Craig?Copy !req
284. An old boyfriend.
I brought him to dinner one time.Copy !req
285. Oh, and I remember
Mom brought her always-fun date,Copy !req
286. raging alcoholism.Copy !req
287. - Shh. Quiet.
- You quiet.Copy !req
288. The broadcast location's
on the other side of that clearing.Copy !req
289. Oh great. Thank you. You can go now.Copy !req
290. Look, I get it. You don't want me around.Copy !req
291. "I was a crappy mom."Copy !req
292. You want me to slit my wrists?Copy !req
293. No.Copy !req
294. But a tiny version of that
might be nice though.Copy !req
295. - Everybody stay low.
- Take your time.Copy !req
296. Just enjoying the view.Copy !req
297. Will you stop it?Copy !req
298. What? The man's got
an ass like a French teenager.Copy !req
299. Well, I hate to put a crimp
in your plans, ma'am, but I'm married.Copy !req
300. Yeah, okay. Trust me,
to her, that doesn't mean... Shit.Copy !req
301. Uh...Copy !req
302. You may want to hit the deck there,
pookie bear.Copy !req
303. - I'm not sure I'm cut out for this.
- Are you kidding me?Copy !req
304. - You're doing great.
- Seriously?Copy !req
305. God, no! What are you, a fucking moron?Copy !req
306. Sorry.Copy !req
307. Hey, look at me.Copy !req
308. First rule of being a field agent?
Never apologize.Copy !req
309. Right.Copy !req
310. Second rule... See that guy
in the white suit across the street?Copy !req
311. Yeah, him.
I'm going to need you to kill him.Copy !req
312. Like, right now.Copy !req
313. What? Now?Copy !req
314. Well, maybe put some clothes on first.Copy !req
315. I wouldn't, but, you know,
most people would.Copy !req
316. Please tell me Bobby Ray hears this and
is calling in some fucking air support.Copy !req
317. - Mm.
- Mm.Copy !req
318. Mm!Copy !req
319. Know what?
I can barely even taste the napalm.Copy !req
320. Okay, whoever said it sucks here
may have a point.Copy !req
321. Who in the hell are those guys?Copy !req
322. Don't know, but they are
definitely not from around here.Copy !req
323. You two sit tight. Be right back.Copy !req
324. - Cover me.
- On it.Copy !req
325. So, whatever happened
to that boyfriend from dinner? Craig?Copy !req
326. You had sex with him in the bathroom.Copy !req
327. Now that's what we in the business
like to call "done and done."Copy !req
328. Which business?Copy !req
329. It's a fucking cool line.Copy !req
330. Don't overthink it.Copy !req
331. Well, this calls for a celebration.Copy !req
332. Who's up for a few drinks?Copy !req
333. And maybe a few bad decisions.Copy !req
334. Jesus, Mom, you're getting
desperation all over his shirt.Copy !req
335. What the—Copy !req
336. Cover your ears!Copy !req
337. Jesus Christ. You see that?Copy !req
338. Turns 'em primal.Copy !req
339. We need to go after her.Copy !req
340. Eh, do we though?Copy !req
341. Oh damn it.Copy !req
342. Vietcong tunnel network.Copy !req
343. Stay close.Copy !req
344. Yup. See? Told you she sucks.Copy !req
345. She's been infected by that device.Copy !req
346. Yeah, but she still sucks though,
is the takeaway here.Copy !req
347. Okay, Captain Nice Guy. I got this.Copy !req
348. What...Copy !req
349. What the hell happened?Copy !req
350. Don't move.Copy !req
351. He's right.Copy !req
352. At least not till we're gone. Shall we?Copy !req
353. Hang on, what?Copy !req
354. Wait, we're not leaving your mother here.
She's standing on a land mine.Copy !req
355. Listen to your sexy friend on this.Copy !req
356. Oh, you know,
the mission comes first, Mom.Copy !req
357. - You taught me that.
- I did?Copy !req
358. Of course not! You didn't teach me shit.Copy !req
359. Just how to chain-smoke Pall Malls
and make vodka in the toilet.Copy !req
360. Jesus.Copy !req
361. But you can't leave me here, CeCe.Copy !req
362. Yeah? Give me one good reason why.Copy !req
363. Because then you'll never know
who your father is.Copy !req
364. Wait, you know?Copy !req
365. Yeah.Copy !req
366. Well, why the fuck didn't you tell me?Copy !req
367. I don't know, what do you want me to say?Copy !req
368. I don't know anything
about being a good mom?Copy !req
369. No shit. Look at me.Copy !req
370. I try to beat my own daughter
at everything she doesCopy !req
371. for, like, basically no reason.Copy !req
372. Could it be it's because
I'm a walking reminderCopy !req
373. of your fading beauty
and inevitable death?Copy !req
374. I'm already standing
on a land mine, all right?Copy !req
375. So I don't really need a slap in the face
while I'm at it.Copy !req
376. Careful.Copy !req
377. Thanks for that.Copy !req
378. Ew. Don't thank me.
Just tell me who my dad is.Copy !req
379. Oh, that. Oh yeah. No, I have no idea.Copy !req
380. You fucking lied to me.Copy !req
381. Pretty much been lying to you
since you were in diapers. So...Copy !req
382. Feels kind of weird to stop now.Copy !req
383. Sir, I don't think I can do this.Copy !req
384. That man over there
is a spy in the US Embassy.Copy !req
385. - And now it's your job to take him out.
- How?Copy !req
386. With the fucking weapon I gave you.Copy !req
387. Weapon?Copy !req
388. This? This is a salad fork.Copy !req
389. A really, really shitty one!Copy !req
390. Look at me. Look at me.Copy !req
391. I want you to think back to all the people
in your life who called you worthless.Copy !req
392. - A pathetic loser.
- Not sure this is helping.Copy !req
393. A sexless, one-nut nerd
destined for rock-fucking-bottom.Copy !req
394. Then you harness that anger,
and you show them how wrong they were.Copy !req
395. Safe word.Copy !req
396. E!Copy !req
397. Jesus, boss. You okay?Copy !req
398. Officially been better, buddy.Copy !req
399. Oh, it's the scoop of the century.Copy !req
400. The report's got
a stupid long name though.Copy !req
401. Just call it, uh,
the Pentagon Papers. Yeah.Copy !req
402. That's got a certain flair. I like that.Copy !req
403. Love you, boys. Stay safe.Copy !req
404. Oh God, you and your fucking strip show.Copy !req
405. Sonic weapon's backstage.
Somebody take it out, now!Copy !req
406. You guys, is it just me,Copy !req
407. or is it hilarious
my mom's still down there somewhere?Copy !req
408. Oh. Okay. Just me. Got it.Copy !req
409. The hell are you doing here?Copy !req
410. Come on, you think I'd miss thisCopy !req
411. when I'm the one who made sure
you won this stupid little award?Copy !req
412. What? What's this?Copy !req
413. Oh, I just took the liberty of preparing
a few remarks, little punch-up for you.Copy !req
414. Touches on the war here and there.Copy !req
415. I told you how I feel about that.Copy !req
416. I know you did.
But trust me on this.Copy !req
417. Thought we covered this the other day.Copy !req
418. Covered what?Copy !req
419. That I don't take orders from you.Copy !req