1. Oh, come on.Copy !req
2. I am bored out of my fucking mind here.
I know you're holding.Copy !req
3. Just give me a little something.Copy !req
4. Acid, shrooms, ludes,
dealer's choice, I'm not picky.Copy !req
5. That, or I'm gonna lick you like one
of those psychedelic frogs in the Amazon.Copy !req
6. Swear to God.Copy !req
7. Ugh. Damn, nothing.Copy !req
8. Have you seriously been
listening to yourself this whole trip?Copy !req
9. Don't know if you've noticed,Copy !req
10. but not a lot
of entertainment options around here.Copy !req
11. You know, Tom Jones does
a killer version of this song.Copy !req
12. I don't even know
why you bothered doing it.Copy !req
13. Don't you have something else
better to be doing?Copy !req
14. I guess I could try
licking Leary's face again.Copy !req
15. Tastes like old man balls, by the way.Copy !req
16. Thanks for the disturbing visuals.Copy !req
17. Hey, I know you, man.Copy !req
18. Everybody knows me.Copy !req
19. That's kind of how being me works, buddy.Copy !req
20. Now, you mind?Copy !req
21. No, you don't understand.Copy !req
22. I know the other you.Copy !req
23. I worked on you in Germany, man.Copy !req
24. Pretty sure you're tripping on something.Copy !req
25. Of course I am. It's kind of my job.Copy !req
26. I basically invented the whole
hallucinogenic business model.Copy !req
27. I'm like the Ray Kroc
of getting fucked up.Copy !req
28. Good luck with that.Copy !req
29. Now, if you'll excuse me.Copy !req
30. No, I know you.Copy !req
31. You're Tupelo. You're Project Tupelo, man.Copy !req
32. Tupelo, man.Copy !req
33. No, it's fine.
He won't remember a thing.Copy !req
34. Jesus Christ. What the hell?Copy !req
35. - Let me guess, flashbacks?
- What?Copy !req
36. Yeah, I know.Copy !req
37. Those fuckers can be nasty.Copy !req
38. I tried to weed them out,
but I never got the formula quite right.Copy !req
39. Here, when you're
someplace safe and comfy,Copy !req
40. take one of these.Copy !req
41. Sugar cubes? What am I, a fucking horse?Copy !req
42. Weirdly, yes.Copy !req
43. Sometimes.Copy !req
44. Oh, that's a good boy, good boy.Copy !req
45. Are you out of your goddamn mind?Copy !req
46. No, no, no, look.Copy !req
47. Those little magic carpet ridesCopy !req
48. are dosed with my very own
Timothy Leary signature brand,Copy !req
49. organic, pharmacy-to-table, artisan LSD.Copy !req
50. It's the same batch I gave the Beatles.Copy !req
51. You do realize I'm a federal narcotics
officer, sort of, don't you?Copy !req
52. Oh, that bullshit Nixon photo-op?Copy !req
53. Yeah, okay.Copy !req
54. It makes a great coffee mug.Copy !req
55. There's an Elvis/Nixon coffee mug?Copy !req
56. Wow, you need to get
a handle on your merchandising, Tupelo.Copy !req
57. - Yeah.
- What is it? Another flashback?Copy !req
58. That is so weird.Copy !req
59. Something must be
triggering those, Tupelo.Copy !req
60. I bet it's the word "Tupelo."Copy !req
61. For God's sake,
will you stop saying "Tupelo"?Copy !req
62. Okay, that one's on you, Tu—Copy !req
63. Listen, you have secrets deep inside you.Copy !req
64. Take the LSD and free your mind, brother.Copy !req
65. Free your mind, and your ass will follow.Copy !req
66. Ladies and gentlemen,
please return to your seats.Copy !req
67. We will be landing in Memphis shortly.Copy !req
68. Okay, okay, listen up, people.Copy !req
69. When we get in the terminal,
form a perimeter around my Elvis,Copy !req
70. and no matter what, y'all keep moving.Copy !req
71. All right, whatever. As long as we stop
and grab a Goo Goo Cluster.Copy !req
72. I'm literally starving to death.Copy !req
73. Stopping's a bad idea.Copy !req
74. Yeah, that's when they swarm.Copy !req
75. Swarm?Copy !req
76. Swear to God, this man is like
Marvin Gaye to white people.Copy !req
77. I don't think the whole
swarming thing's gonna be a problem.Copy !req
78. Okay, now that's fucking trippy.Copy !req
79. Damn, my shit is good. Mwah.Copy !req
80. This week's the first-ever
Elvis convention at The Peabody.Copy !req
81. I guess that explains
all the extra mes walking around.Copy !req
82. Although I'm not sure it explains that.Copy !req
83. Welcome home, E.Copy !req
84. Got the Caddy waiting outside,
all shined up and ready to roll.Copy !req
85. Mm! These Goo Goo Clusters
are fucking amazing.Copy !req
86. Best thing to ever
come out of Tennessee.Copy !req
87. I think you're forgetting,
I came out of Tennessee.Copy !req
88. Mm, actually, I'm not.Copy !req
89. Damn, it's good to be me.Copy !req
90. Listen up, all of you.Copy !req
91. Starting right now,
Graceland is off-limits for the weekend.Copy !req
92. I need some alone time with my Priscilla.Copy !req
93. Easy, tiger, it's not like
I want to hang out with you either.Copy !req
94. Professor and I are gonna
grab some ribs, see some sights.Copy !req
95. Oh, you got to see The Peabody ducks.Copy !req
96. Yeah, I read about those on the plane.Copy !req
97. Ducks in a hotel lobby.Copy !req
98. Sounds thrilling, as far as
giant health code violations go.Copy !req
99. I don't care what y'all doCopy !req
100. as long as
whatever you're doing ain't here.Copy !req
101. But yeah, you should
really check out the ducks.Copy !req
102. 'Scilla, I'm home. Where are my girls?Copy !req
103. I'll be right down, baby.Copy !req
104. I had Patsy take Lisa for the weekend.Copy !req
105. I wanted you all to myself.Copy !req
106. I sure like the sound of that.Copy !req
107. Make yourself comfy
and put on the blindfold.Copy !req
108. I got a surprise for you.Copy !req
109. Lord Almighty,
I feel my temperature rising.Copy !req
110. Take off that blindfold.Copy !req
111. It is seriously good to be me.Copy !req
112. Who the hell is Cowboy Jeb?Copy !req
113. Ah, sweet, beloved Cowboy Jeb.Copy !req
114. He had the number-one
children's show in Memphis.Copy !req
115. Cowboy Jeb's Jungle Gymboree!Copy !req
116. Everybody loved him.Copy !req
117. Then his show got canceled.Copy !req
118. Oh. If everybody loved him so much,
why'd he get canceled?Copy !req
119. Turns out old Jeb's idea of a jamboree
was getting blackout drunkCopy !req
120. and hosting wild orgies
with that fella from Hogan's Hero.Copy !req
121. Okay.Copy !req
122. I love this guy.Copy !req
123. All right, so how does the chimp
fit into this Norman Rockwell painting?Copy !req
124. Well, it all started
when Scatter got kicked out of NASA.Copy !req
125. That damn fool couldn't keep
his monkey junk in his diaper.Copy !req
126. Knocked up one of the other space chimps.Copy !req
127. He was devastated.Copy !req
128. It took him
on a nasty spiral of drugs, drinking,Copy !req
129. and dumpster sex with strangers.Copy !req
130. Hmm?Copy !req
131. All he ever wanted
was to be the first chimp on the moon.Copy !req
132. But he only made it as far as Memphis.Copy !req
133. And when the money ran out,Copy !req
134. Scatter did photo shoots
for Barely Human magazine.Copy !req
135. Lordy, I pray for that monkey's soul.Copy !req
136. But every unholy sin he made
went to paying for his next fix.Copy !req
137. Jeb took him in and cleaned him up.Copy !req
138. Least he could do after pissing on him.Copy !req
139. He gave Scatter
a job as his sidekick,Copy !req
140. and that nasty-ass chimp
turned out to be a big hit with the kids.Copy !req
141. Things were great.Copy !req
142. But then the sponsors found out
about Cowboy Jeb's kinky side.Copy !req
143. And gave him a big, fat raise?Copy !req
144. Cowboy Jeb lost everything,Copy !req
145. ended up going bankrupt,Copy !req
146. and sold Scatter to Elvis for 200 bucks.Copy !req
147. Wow, cheap.Copy !req
148. How much did he pay for Bobby Ray?Copy !req
149. Baby... Baby, wait.Copy !req
150. Look, I got a little surprise for you.Copy !req
151. As sexy as you look right now,Copy !req
152. I was thinking
maybe we can connect on a...Copy !req
153. deeper level.Copy !req
154. Ooh, please tell me
that's lysergic acid diethylamide.Copy !req
155. Didn't realize
you're on a first-name basis with LSD.Copy !req
156. Didn't know you listened
to this kind of music either.Copy !req
157. Baby, it's groovy, don't you think?Copy !req
158. Well, it definitely fits
with the incense and black light posters,Copy !req
159. that I didn't even know we had,
by the way.Copy !req
160. I'll have you know I happen to be
a very cool and with-it chick,Copy !req
161. which maybe wouldn't be such a surprise
if you weren't gone so much.Copy !req
162. I know. I know. I know.Copy !req
163. I just...Copy !req
164. Are you sure you want to?Copy !req
165. I guess that answers that question.Copy !req
166. I'm still not feeling anything.Copy !req
167. Damn, me either.Copy !req
168. I think maybe it takes a while to kick in.Copy !req
169. Surprise, asshole. Ha-ha!Copy !req
170. How's this for kicking in?Copy !req
171. Buckle up, buttercup!Copy !req
172. What the fuck?Copy !req
173. Exactly.Copy !req
174. I don't see what the big deal is.Copy !req
175. I thought we'd at least
see colors or something.Copy !req
176. Shit, be right back.Copy !req
177. What the hell are you doing here?Copy !req
178. Well...Copy !req
179. - funny story.
- That I don't wanna hear.Copy !req
180. You know that barbecue place
you're always babbling about? Ray Ray's?Copy !req
181. Yeah, what does Ray Ray's
have to do with anything?Copy !req
182. Okay, well, here's the thing.Copy !req
183. Don't be mad,
but the restaurant is not there anymore.Copy !req
184. - What?
- I mean, as of a few minutes ago.Copy !req
185. I'm surprised you didn't see the fireball.Copy !req
186. What are you talking about?Copy !req
187. Those assholes followed us
back to the States,Copy !req
188. the ones from Algeria
who tried to take Leary.Copy !req
189. The Professor and I
had just ordered some ribsCopy !req
190. when they came
out of nowhere, and then we...Copy !req
191. - We kind of got into a little dust-up.
- Dust-up?Copy !req
192. Okay, fine, bloodbath.Copy !req
193. So, then you came here,
to my fucking home.Copy !req
194. Relax, nobody followed me.Copy !req
195. Wanna tell him that?Copy !req
196. Kill that motherfucker. Finish him.
Chew on his dead fucking eyeball.Copy !req
197. I'm not an animal!Copy !req
198. I'm not eating anybody's eyeball!Copy !req
199. - Uh, no one said anything, dude.
- Jesus.Copy !req
200. Oh. I'm losing it.Copy !req
201. Uh, yeah, by the way, Agent Overkill,
I'm pretty sure he's dead.Copy !req
202. Dear God.Copy !req
203. You're gonna pass on the eyeballs?Copy !req
204. You little bitch.Copy !req
205. Jesus, you really are
a pussy motherfucker.Copy !req
206. I didn't mean to kill him.
I wasn't even trying to.Copy !req
207. Well, his pulverized head begs to differ.Copy !req
208. Ugh. It's like head soup.Copy !req
209. Would you get out of here, CeCe?
And take Professor Burn-out with you.Copy !req
210. Relax, we'll be out
of your weirdly precise hair in no time.Copy !req
211. Already called it in. TCB extraction team
will be here in a jiff.Copy !req
212. Screw jiff, you need to go.
Get out of here, now.Copy !req
213. Priscilla and I just took some LSD.Copy !req
214. Get the fuck out.Copy !req
215. Look at you being all hip and not square,
taking dangerous hallucinogenic drugs.Copy !req
216. I didn't take it to be cool, okay?Copy !req
217. Drugs aren't cool, kids.Copy !req
218. I'm doing research.Copy !req
219. Oh yeah. Yeah, I know.Copy !req
220. Me too, since junior high, actually.Copy !req
221. So, are you gonna hook me up, or...Copy !req
222. I got it from Leary.Copy !req
223. Hold the fucking phone!Copy !req
224. You have been holding out on me
this whole time, you piece of...Copy !req
225. Shit, okay, now I feel bad.Copy !req
226. Lucky shot, hillbilly.Copy !req
227. Everything okay out there?Copy !req
228. I think it's finally kicking in.Copy !req
229. Ooh!Copy !req
230. Make that definitely kicking in.Copy !req
231. Paul McCartney just crawled out of the TV.Copy !req
232. Oh my, my...Copy !req
233. - my.
- Hello, love.Copy !req
234. It feels like I should be
freaking out right now.Copy !req
235. Oh relax. You'll be fine.Copy !req
236. You know, I've done this a million times.Copy !req
237. - Really?
- Oh yeah.Copy !req
238. People get high listening
to Beatles albums, and then blam,Copy !req
239. there I am.Copy !req
240. Ideally wearing clothes, you know.Copy !req
241. Wait.Copy !req
242. People hallucinate you in the nude?Copy !req
243. They make me do things,
if you know what I mean.Copy !req
244. It's a bloody horror show, actually.Copy !req
245. So, are you the only
magical tour guide in these trips,Copy !req
246. or do other Beatles show up?Copy !req
247. Yeah, well, you know,
mostly people hallucinate either me...Copy !req
248. Or sometimes they hallucinate John...Copy !req
249. Or sometimes George.Copy !req
250. Ringo, not so much.Copy !req
251. You know, if the drugs are really shite,
you don't even get a Beatle.Copy !req
252. You get one of the fucking Monkees.Copy !req
253. Talk about a bloody horror show.Copy !req
254. Scatter, you old scamp, you!Copy !req
255. Oh, I've missed you, partner.Copy !req
256. I'm totally clean.Copy !req
257. Sober for two years now.Copy !req
258. They're even talking
about bringing the show back.Copy !req
259. I know, right?Copy !req
260. I was kind of hoping you'd come back.Copy !req
261. Get the old team back together.Copy !req
262. What do you say?Copy !req
263. Aw!Copy !req
264. Oh, this sucks.Copy !req
265. I feel you, brother.Copy !req
266. You ever feel, you know, unappreciated?Copy !req
267. All the damn time.Copy !req
268. Sometimes it feels like I'm wasting
my life with this whole Elvis thing.Copy !req
269. You shut your damn talk hole.Copy !req
270. I saw you sing
at the airport Howard Johnson's.Copy !req
271. You are goddamn amazing.Copy !req
272. Don't pull my chain, man.
You really think so?Copy !req
273. Hey, I ain't going to shit down your neck
and tell you it's raining.Copy !req
274. Pretty sure I know that's not rain.Copy !req
275. I'm telling you, man. If I close my eyes,
I could have sworn you was Elvis.Copy !req
276. That's the problem.
No one closes their eyes.Copy !req
277. Maybe the world
just ain't ready for a Black Elvis.Copy !req
278. I haven't had a gig in months.Copy !req
279. Come on, I find that hard to believe.Copy !req
280. Believe it, brother.Copy !req
281. The only Elvis working less than me
is Orthodox Jewish Elvis.Copy !req
282. And that's only because he can't work
weekends starting sundown Friday night.Copy !req
283. Ain't that right, Sid?Copy !req
284. Shabbat, rattle and roll, my brother.Copy !req
285. Could be more coming here.Copy !req
286. Or not. Maybe try being more positive.Copy !req
287. Okay, I'm positive
there's more coming here.Copy !req
288. Oh! Really love
what you've done to the place.Copy !req
289. It's got that whole
mid-century modern warfare vibe.Copy !req
290. Who's your deco?Copy !req
291. Oh! Good call.Copy !req
292. Yes, I didn't like
that coffee table either, hideous.Copy !req
293. Shut the fuck up, asshole!Copy !req
294. Again, weird guy, didn't say anything.Copy !req
295. I wasn't talking to you.
I was talking to him.Copy !req
296. She can't see me, Einstein.Copy !req
297. Do you not know how LSD trips work?Copy !req
298. Okay, cupcake,
how the fuck did you follow us?Copy !req
299. With the tracker
you left in our submarine.Copy !req
300. Thank you for that.Copy !req
301. Don't look at me.Copy !req
302. You're the one
who left the tracker on the sub, dumb-ass.Copy !req
303. Doesn't mean I want you looking at me.Copy !req
304. You have no idea what kind
of shitstorm is coming your way.Copy !req
305. We are legion.Copy !req
306. Uh-oh, sounds like
you fucked up, superspy,Copy !req
307. bringing your dirty work home with you.Copy !req
308. Wife's gonna be pissed.Copy !req
309. I'd be nervous if I were you,
and not just becauseCopy !req
310. Paul fucking McCartney's trying
to get in her pants in your basement.Copy !req
311. Talk about a British invasion.Copy !req
312. Side note, you may wanna duck now.Copy !req
313. Ooh-whee, I'm pretty!Copy !req
314. Now, let's boogie-woogie, motherfucker.Copy !req
315. Yeah, you know, great times.Copy !req
316. I did this in Hamburg once,
but it wasn't on a Twister board.Copy !req
317. I can't believe I'm gonna die
in your tacky jungle fantasy room.Copy !req
318. Tacky?Copy !req
319. What? What? What, like your jungle room's
way more refined or something?Copy !req
320. That's just it.Copy !req
321. No one else has a fucking jungle room.Copy !req
322. Uh, the waterfall's a tad much, King.Copy !req
323. Oh, you still don't get
how LSD works, do you?Copy !req
324. So, this is what dying's like.Copy !req
325. Get used to it.Copy !req
326. You're in TCB, baby.Copy !req
327. You have a bright future in being dead.Copy !req
328. I'm usually the peace and love guy
on these trips,Copy !req
329. but, uh, this gratuitous violence
is actually a nice change of pace.Copy !req
330. Ah! God, I love your accent.Copy !req
331. 'Scilla, that was incredible.
Where'd you learn to do all that?Copy !req
332. I've been taking karate lessons,Copy !req
333. something you would know
if you were around more often.Copy !req
334. Ah, I "sense a"
trouble in paradise, pretty boy.Copy !req
335. Get it?Copy !req
336. Sense, sensei...Copy !req
337. You get the wordplay, anybody?Copy !req
338. How the hell am I gonna
explain all this to Priscilla, huh?Copy !req
339. Well, she's tripping her ass off,
so I wouldn't worry.Copy !req
340. And that's exactly why
you shouldn't eat meat.Copy !req
341. Those poor animals.Copy !req
342. I'm serious.Copy !req
343. My house looks like a goddamn war zone.Copy !req
344. TCB has a cleanup crew.Copy !req
345. They'll get this place back
to all its cheesy splendor in no time.Copy !req
346. Um, side note,
we might want to take care of that first.Copy !req
347. If you follow us, she dies.Copy !req
348. Mind if I appropriate
this side of your neck?Copy !req
349. Get the hell off of me!Copy !req
350. Come on, man,
it's The Thing with Two Heads.Copy !req
351. Rosey Grier and Ray Milland.Copy !req
352. Great fucking movie.Copy !req
353. Didn't see it.Copy !req
354. Oh! Fucking classic.Copy !req
355. They transplant a white bigot's head
onto a Black man's body,Copy !req
356. and brilliance ensues, right?Copy !req
357. Somehow, I doubt that.Copy !req
358. Oh. Well. Excuse me.Copy !req
359. It might not reach the cinematic heights
of that piece-of-shit nun movie you made,Copy !req
360. but still.Copy !req
361. I'm going after Priscilla.
You get the other two.Copy !req
362. You're not the boss of me.Copy !req
363. But yeah, okay, it sounds like a plan.Copy !req
364. Okay, I get it.
They're pretty fucking great.Copy !req
365. Listen up,
some assholes kidnapped Priscilla.Copy !req
366. I got a brand-new Cadillac for whoever
grabs that fucker by the back door.Copy !req
367. You got this, my man.Copy !req
368. Hell yeah, I got this.Copy !req
369. Here's a song by Mr. Chuck Berry.Copy !req
370. Hit it, boys.Copy !req
371. There you go, nice gesture letting
a brother show you how it's done.Copy !req
372. You do know that Chuck Berry is the true
king of rock and roll, right, King?Copy !req
373. I can't stress enough
how much I need you to shut the hell up.Copy !req
374. - Did they hurt you?
- I'm fine. Just go.Copy !req
375. You have to be the hero. I get it.Copy !req
376. Elvis, the schmucks went that way.Copy !req
377. Thanks, man. Dig the sideburns.Copy !req
378. Whoa! Goddamn!
Who do you think you are? Elvis Knelvis?Copy !req
379. Oh man, I know I've been giving you shit,
but that was pretty badass.Copy !req
380. Finish him. Kill this asshole.Copy !req
381. Ah.Copy !req
382. I don't...Copy !req
383. I don't know.Copy !req
384. I don't know what's real anymore.Copy !req
385. Ain't nothing more real
than a memorable beheading.Copy !req
386. Let's get shit done.Copy !req
387. I don't have to kill him.Copy !req
388. Maybe he's got a wife, kids...Copy !req
389. Motherfucker, you have a wife and kid.Copy !req
390. This animal came to your house,
held a gun to your wife's head.Copy !req
391. What if your little girl had been home?
Kill him!Copy !req
392. The extra head's got a point, honey.Copy !req
393. Maybe you should kill him.Copy !req
394. Normally I'd say kill him, boss,Copy !req
395. but, hell, I've hardly
been in this episode, so...Copy !req
396. Don't listen to Gomer Pyle.Copy !req
397. You're a killing machine.
You're my killing machine.Copy !req
398. No, goddamn it. No!Copy !req
399. No, I'm not.Copy !req
400. We don't...Copy !req
401. - We don't have to kill him.
- Don't have to kill him!Copy !req
402. Yes, we do!Copy !req
403. Damn, it's fucked up to be me.Copy !req
404. So, how long do you think this LSD lasts?Copy !req
405. Can't be over soon enough for me.Copy !req
406. Oh look, it's Scatter.Copy !req
407. He looks so cute.Copy !req
408. What? Hey, I thought I was the cute one.Copy !req
409. Oh fuck, look at the time. I gotta go.Copy !req
410. I'm late for Jack Nicholson's acid trip.Copy !req
411. Trust me, it gets dark fast.Copy !req
412. Now, you know that monkey was better off
with that freakshow cowboy, right?Copy !req
413. Just like I was better off
before you, asshole.Copy !req
414. Exactly how I found them.Copy !req
415. They've been sitting like that
going on 12 hours now.Copy !req
416. Jesus!Copy !req
417. And what the hell happened upstairs?Copy !req
418. Looks like I missed a hell of a party,
which is not like me.Copy !req
419. Well, that's the damnedest thing.Copy !req
420. You got to see this.Copy !req
421. That boy was beating his own self up
and shooting up his own goddamn house.Copy !req
422. What the hell did you give him?Copy !req
423. Ah, one of my custom blends.Copy !req
424. An earthy, full-bodied acid
with an oaky vanilla character.Copy !req
425. I'm surprised he's still alive, actually.Copy !req
426. Got any more?Copy !req
427. Oh come on. I'm bored out of my mind here.Copy !req
428. I know you're holding.
Just give me a little something.Copy !req