1. Fuck you, Vegas.Copy !req
2. Man, I really like Vegas.Copy !req
3. You're a killing machine.Copy !req
4. Now do what you were trained to do.Copy !req
5. You're a killing machine.
Now do what you were trained to do.Copy !req
6. - What a show!
- Oh my God!Copy !req
7. That was amazing, Elvis!Copy !req
8. Elvis, not bad for a white boy.Copy !req
9. Oh, you know it, Redd.Copy !req
10. Groovy, baby.Copy !req
11. Love the kung fu.Copy !req
12. Yeah, Sammy.Copy !req
13. Heh, careful of those hips, King.Copy !req
14. You'll put an eye out.
And Sammy only has one left.Copy !req
15. Hey, thank you, guys. Thanks for coming.Copy !req
16. Well, hey, 'Cilla. You made it.Copy !req
17. Great show, Satnin. I loved it.Copy !req
18. And love you.Copy !req
19. The karate was different.Copy !req
20. Yeah, sorry about that, Ronnie.Copy !req
21. All good.Copy !req
22. Walk it off, big guy.Copy !req
23. He's gonna be okay, right?Copy !req
24. Oh shit, yeah. Ronnie's a pro.Copy !req
25. So, what the hell's going on
inside that head of yours?Copy !req
26. - Ah!
- Okay, full disclosure:Copy !req
27. slept through most of the show,
but loved where you freaked the fuck out.Copy !req
28. Jesus! You again?Copy !req
29. How the hell
did you get in here past security?Copy !req
30. Those are your security guys?Copy !req
31. Huh. Adorable.Copy !req
32. Oh relax. They're still alive, probably.Copy !req
33. What are you doing here?Copy !req
34. Only the most insanely boring job ever:
errand girl.Copy !req
35. I'm taking you to meet my boss.Copy !req
36. Your boss?Copy !req
37. Now why in the hell would I do that?
Who do you even work for?Copy !req
38. Not authorized to tell you that,
but he is dying to meet you.Copy !req
39. Yeah, I get that a lot.Copy !req
40. I'm not interested.Copy !req
41. Hey, you owe me for saving your butt
at that Manson thing.Copy !req
42. Ha! More like
the other way around, friend.Copy !req
43. Hey, lady, you can't—Copy !req
44. Fuck!Copy !req
45. You score me one of those zapper guns,
and I'll meet your boss.Copy !req
46. - Done.
- Never caught your name, by the way.Copy !req
47. - It's CeCe with an E.
- As opposed to?Copy !req
48. An I, which is how you'd spell it if
you were a coked-up stripper like my mom,Copy !req
49. which I am not, thank you,
so I spell it with an E.Copy !req
50. Already bored.Copy !req
51. So, where are we going again?Copy !req
52. - Don't worry about it.
- And we're meeting who now?Copy !req
53. Don't worry about it.Copy !req
54. And we're leaving Scatter here by himself?Copy !req
55. Now that we may want to worry about.Copy !req
56. Back in a couple hours, Scatter.Copy !req
57. Stay in the room.Copy !req
58. No chicks, no booze, no bullshit.
You hear me?Copy !req
59. Hey, baby. What took you so long?Copy !req
60. Turn that psychedelic drug shit off.Copy !req
61. Over my dead body.Copy !req
62. And by mine, I mean yours.Copy !req
63. Jim Morrison is an actual god.Copy !req
64. Like one of the hot Greek ones.Copy !req
65. Oh brother.Copy !req
66. No pets, ma'am. Sorry.Copy !req
67. The monkey's gotta go.Copy !req
68. Technically, chimpanzees are apes.Copy !req
69. See?Copy !req
70. I don't care what it is.
Just get it out of here.Copy !req
71. Whoa, whoa, whoa, that's not a monkey.Copy !req
72. That's Mr. Presley's monkey.Copy !req
73. My apologies. Anything you need, just ask.Copy !req
74. We'll charge it to Mr. Presley's room.Copy !req
75. Holy shit.Copy !req
76. Would you look at that, E?Copy !req
77. - What is this place?
- It doesn't have a name,Copy !req
78. or even exist, technically.Copy !req
79. Got it. More of that
top-secret bullshit you've been selling.Copy !req
80. I'll take that zapper gun now, by the way.Copy !req
81. Now careful with this thing.
Let me walk you through it.Copy !req
82. Safety off, set the charge and...Copy !req
83. Yep. Think I got it.Copy !req
84. - So, where's this boss of yours?
- He'll be here any minute.Copy !req
85. He's flying in from Monte Carlo,
had to have a little chat with JFK.Copy !req
86. Uh, JFK is dead.
It was a goddamn national tragedy.Copy !req
87. Oh.Copy !req
88. That's right. He's, uh... He's "dead."Copy !req
89. I keep forgetting that.Copy !req
90. And you're saying he's not?Copy !req
91. You shouldn't believe
everything you see on TV.Copy !req
92. Hey! Don't you dare ruin
Hawaii Five-O for me, lady.Copy !req
93. Kinda getting a little bored here,
CeCe with an E.Copy !req
94. All right. Wait, wait.Copy !req
95. At least check out the plane first.
My boss thinks you might like it.Copy !req
96. We can go on that thing? Ha!Copy !req
97. Well, hell! Lead with that next time.Copy !req
98. Ah, ah, ah. Not so fast, string bean.Copy !req
99. This is classified.Copy !req
100. And that goes for my purse too,
so keep your weirdly small hands off.Copy !req
101. Classified, my ass.Copy !req
102. Besides, peeking ain't cheating.Copy !req
103. And I thought my jet,
the Lisa Marie, was tricked out. Ha!Copy !req
104. Oh!Copy !req
105. Who's this Lisa Marie? She sounds hot.Copy !req
106. - My daughter.
- Oh!Copy !req
107. This guy named his daughter
after his plane?Copy !req
108. Weird priorities, but I love it.Copy !req
109. Uh, just a heads-up,
but you got a creepy homeless guyCopy !req
110. pissing in a jar
in the middle of your spy plane.Copy !req
111. Creepy is correct, yes,
but definitely not homeless.Copy !req
112. Howard is a billionaire
and a genius inventor.Copy !req
113. - He works for us.
- Howard Hughes. Nice to meet you.Copy !req
114. Howard Hughes?Copy !req
115. Hell, I'd heard you gone insane.Copy !req
116. And I must say,
based on your wall of piss over there,Copy !req
117. I'm guessing I heard correctly.Copy !req
118. You sound like all of my doctors.Copy !req
119. Truth be told, I'm completely insane...Copy !req
120. Wait a minute. I'm completely insane...Copy !req
121. Wait, nope. That's not right.Copy !req
122. I'm completely not insane.Copy !req
123. Mm-hmm. Well, then what's with the jars?Copy !req
124. No bathrooms on the plane?Copy !req
125. It actually has six.Copy !req
126. Three for number twos,
two for number ones,Copy !req
127. and one that's just full of jars.Copy !req
128. This plane has everything.Copy !req
129. It's even nuclear-powered.Copy !req
130. I built a reactor in the back. Imagine it.Copy !req
131. Never has to refuel.Copy !req
132. A permanent TCB headquarters in the air,
with six bathrooms.Copy !req
133. TCB?Copy !req
134. Yeah, pretend you didn't hear that.Copy !req
135. Ooh! How about a tour?
We can start at the cockpit.Copy !req
136. It's the coolest part,Copy !req
137. mostly 'cause of the word "cock."Copy !req
138. Hey, anyone ever tell you
you look like poor man's Elvis Presley?Copy !req
139. Bulletproof.Copy !req
140. No shit. I was rage shooting, dumb-ass,
but we can't let them hijack this plane.Copy !req
141. Well, unless you got spy lipstick
that's secretly a blowtorch or something—Copy !req
142. - Oh, fuck me!
- What?Copy !req
143. I left the blowtorch cigarettes
in my purse.Copy !req
144. Oh!Copy !req
145. Now, where the hell are they going?Copy !req
146. Hey!Copy !req
147. You fellas have any idea...Copy !req
148. where the back of your fucking heads went?Copy !req
149. Well, this ain't good.Copy !req
150. Hello, Louise.Copy !req
151. Uh, let's do the math here.Copy !req
152. Reinforced steel door versus
little lady with a fire extinguisher.Copy !req
153. My money's on the door.Copy !req
154. Oh, hey there, chauvinism!
Perfect timing, dick.Copy !req
155. This is captain speaking.Copy !req
156. So sorry if Elvis is all shaking up
in his blue suede booties.Copy !req
157. It's "shoes," dumb-ass.Copy !req
158. Oh, there's your fan base right there:
asshole bad guys.Copy !req
159. I'm not gonna apologize
for my universal appeal.Copy !req
160. Sorry for this, but now is it time for you
to be going to the heartburn hotel, eh?Copy !req
161. Uh, okay, language barrier aside,Copy !req
162. the takeaway here is
Elvis fans are worldwide—Copy !req
163. - Doyle.
- Yes, Commander?Copy !req
164. Is my watch running fast, Doyle?Copy !req
165. - No, it is not, sir.
- Didn't think so.Copy !req
166. And CeCe was told to report to me,
with Elvis,Copy !req
167. promptly at the airfield
at 0300 hours, correct?Copy !req
168. - Indeed, sir.
- And yet, somehow, they're not here.Copy !req
169. Are they perhaps
employing a cloaking device?Copy !req
170. Uh, I'm sorry?Copy !req
171. You know, a cloaking device.Copy !req
172. Is it possible
they're standing right here,Copy !req
173. but they're invisible thanks to a new,
experimental cloaking deviceCopy !req
174. that has malfunctioned,Copy !req
175. and they can't
make themselves visible again?Copy !req
176. Because that's literally
the only explanation I can come up with.Copy !req
177. Uh...Copy !req
178. I do not believe we've inventedCopy !req
179. - a cloaking device, sir.
- I didn't think so.Copy !req
180. If we had, it'd be a very different world,
wouldn't it, Doyle?Copy !req
181. I could be standing right next
to an attractive man in the restroomCopy !req
182. to watch him urinate,
and he wouldn't even know I'm there.Copy !req
183. Now, I'm just picking
something at random, of course.Copy !req
184. Obviously, the possibilities are endless.Copy !req
185. So, now I seem to have
two reasons to be enraged.Copy !req
186. There's no Elvis here,Copy !req
187. and we are apparently way fucking behind
on developing cloaking devices!Copy !req
188. Remind me to let CeCe know
she's now in a world of—Copy !req
189. Shit!Copy !req
190. Hey, hey, hey! Going my way?Copy !req
191. Well, if your way
is straight down to a splattery death,Copy !req
192. then yes, as a matter of fact, I am.Copy !req
193. Nobody's gonna be splattering anywhere.Copy !req
194. Okay. Your cape,
while very showy and vaguely feminine,Copy !req
195. isn't gonna break our fall.Copy !req
196. - You're right, but he will.
- Who?Copy !req
197. My boy, my boy.Copy !req
198. Oh.Copy !req
199. You are so my new favorite.Copy !req
200. Whoo! Nice plane, Bobby.Copy !req
201. - Yeah! Even has a cup holder.
- Where the hell did you learn to fly?Copy !req
202. Bobby Ray here can drive,
fly, and ride just about anything.Copy !req
203. I guess your little Memphis Mafia boys
come in handy, don't they?Copy !req
204. Whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
205. No, Bobby Ray is not my Memphis Mafia.Copy !req
206. - Hoping to get in one day though.
- Uh, yeah.Copy !req
207. Tell you what,
how about we play it by ear there, buddy?Copy !req
208. Yeah, okay, good.Copy !req
209. And in the meantime, how about
we follow that hijacked plane?Copy !req
210. Not a problem.Copy !req
211. Well, that doesn't sound good.Copy !req
212. Don't worry. Bobby Ray can fix anything.Copy !req
213. Hey, anybody got a shit-ton of gasoline?Copy !req
214. Asking for a friend.Copy !req
215. Yeah.Copy !req
216. This is good, Bertie. This is real nice.Copy !req
217. Yeah, I don't know if you know this,Copy !req
218. but I was one of the first Black men
to ever play Vegas.Copy !req
219. I love this town.
White folks here give me whatever I want,Copy !req
220. mostly because they assume
all Black people carry a knife.Copy !req
221. They wrong.Copy !req
222. I carry a pistol.Copy !req
223. Oh, oh. Hey there. Excuse me. Yeah.Copy !req
224. Could I get a virgin daiquiri with one
of those adorable little umbrellas in it?Copy !req
225. Oh, and three shots of tequila,
and whatever Mr. Foxx here wants.Copy !req
226. Sorry, ma'am, but your account
has been flagged as over the limit.Copy !req
227. I'm on the Elvis Presley account.Copy !req
228. There is, by definition, no limit.Copy !req
229. Apparently there is, and it's $302,000.Copy !req
230. What the hell?Copy !req
231. Did the Colonel gamble away all of this?Copy !req
232. I believe it was another member
of your party, a Mr. Scatter.Copy !req
233. Oh. You mean the chimp
I'm about to murder.Copy !req
234. Easy.Copy !req
235. Easy.Copy !req
236. Easy.Copy !req
237. - See? Easy—
- Say "easy" again. I fucking dare you.Copy !req
238. Easy, CeCe with an E.Copy !req
239. Now, where the hell are we?Copy !req
240. Hey there, what are you doing?Copy !req
241. Trying to fix this thing.Copy !req
242. It'll pick up the tracking device
I left on the plane.Copy !req
243. - You always carry one?
- I like to know where things are.Copy !req
244. Hijacked planes, ex-boyfriends,Copy !req
245. my shitty dog,
ex-boyfriend's even shittier dog.Copy !req
246. Well, would you look at that? Ha!Copy !req
247. I'm even on
out here in the middle of nowhere.Copy !req
248. Fitting, out here
with all the other dusty antiques, gramps.Copy !req
249. I'm 33.Copy !req
250. Oh yikes.Copy !req
251. Okay, look,
your music's just not my thing. I'm sorry.Copy !req
252. - That's literally not poss—
- Give me that.Copy !req
253. Here we go.Copy !req
254. Can't get away from that damn song.Copy !req
255. Uh-huh. That's because
everybody loves them.Copy !req
256. Kinda like your stuff way back when,
like, during the Roaring '20s or whatever.Copy !req
257. Wait, did they have radios back then?Copy !req
258. My thoughts exactly.Copy !req
259. Scatter, you damn fool.Copy !req
260. How drunk are you?Copy !req
261. Ah, ah.Copy !req
262. Don't you dare pass out on me.Copy !req
263. For all of your NASA training,Copy !req
264. you sure as hell
ain't no rocket scientist.Copy !req
265. More like a furry fucking moron.Copy !req
266. Get your nasty ass out of here.Copy !req
267. Now, let's go win Elvis his money back.Copy !req
268. Great, there goes the neighborhood.Copy !req
269. Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
270. So, we making this a Black thing now?Copy !req
271. You playing, or you talking?Copy !req
272. I'm gonna enjoy beating your cracker ass.Copy !req
273. Deal.Copy !req
274. Hey, hey, hey.
Looks like Bobby Ray got the power on.Copy !req
275. Oh, hey! Same here.Copy !req
276. I think I got this thing working.Copy !req
277. Oh, nice ride.Copy !req
278. Oh, you ain't seen nothing.
I souped this baby up.Copy !req
279. - Doesn't actually make it go faster, but...
- Hey, guys?Copy !req
280. worth it, though,
because it makes it look shit-hot.Copy !req
281. - Agreed.
- Hey, guys.Copy !req
282. This is weird. According to my tracker,Copy !req
283. the plane's on the ground,
and I mean like right over...Copy !req
284. Oh fuck me.Copy !req
285. - Did I get one?
- Yep.Copy !req
286. Wakey, wakey.Copy !req
287. Hey, guys?Copy !req
288. Hey, wake the fuck up!Copy !req
289. Where are we?Copy !req
290. Goddamn commies.Copy !req
291. Probably halfway to Russia by now.Copy !req
292. No, not Russia, Vegas. I heard them
talking while you two were out cold.Copy !req
293. You both snore like basset hounds
with asthma, by the way.Copy !req
294. Hold up. You speak Russki?Copy !req
295. And eight other languages.
Nine if a safe word in Portuguese counts.Copy !req
296. But these guys switched to French
when they saw me listening.Copy !req
297. I don't think
they're Russian agents at all.Copy !req
298. They're something else altogether.Copy !req
299. Why hijack a plane
just to fly it back to Vegas?Copy !req
300. Uh, simple. To vaporize it.Copy !req
301. Okay.Copy !req
302. I can see from the confused faces
that I forgot to mentionCopy !req
303. that they made me turn the nuclear reactor
in the plane into a nuclear bomb.Copy !req
304. - You what?
- "You what"?Copy !req
305. They had a gun to my head!Copy !req
306. Nuke Vegas? Why?Copy !req
307. I'm assuming so that they can
wipe out that fuck Wayne Newton.Copy !req
308. But it could also beCopy !req
309. that they know TCB secretly runs
all of Vegas as a revenue source.Copy !req
310. Ew. Pretend you didn't hear that.Copy !req
311. Oh my God.Copy !req
312. Priscilla. She's still in Vegas.Copy !req
313. Sorry, just, it's funny because
technically, you know, not for long.Copy !req
314. For the record, I told you building
a nuclear plane was a terrible idea.Copy !req
315. So? Everybody did!Copy !req
316. You're not special!Copy !req
317. Shut up!Copy !req
318. What we need to do
is get out of these chains now.Copy !req
319. That I can do.Copy !req
320. I just need a little help
getting my dick out.Copy !req
321. A little help getting a what now out?Copy !req
322. Okay, hmm. I guess I'm going
to have to tell this story.Copy !req
323. So, I injected myself
with radiation years ago.Copy !req
324. - Why?
- Well, in my defense,Copy !req
325. turns out the Spider-Man origin story
is complete bullshit.Copy !req
326. Which you did not know at the time?Copy !req
327. How could I?Copy !req
328. It's a total con job.Copy !req
329. No kick-ass spiderwebs,
can't climb walls for shit.Copy !req
330. All I got was
razor-sharp fingernails you can't cut,Copy !req
331. and urine that's basically acid,Copy !req
332. which is why I use the jars:
to save the plumbing.Copy !req
333. So, uh, which one of you
is going to aim it for me?Copy !req
334. Goddamn, it sucks up here.Copy !req
335. See? I used to play in our church basement
with folks from the congregation.Copy !req
336. Just for toothpicks, of course.Copy !req
337. Eventually, I talked them into playing
a money game though.Copy !req
338. And now? I own the church.Copy !req
339. Dealer busts.Copy !req
340. Like taking candy from a baby.Copy !req
341. Well, assuming babies can be
asshole, racist blackjack dealers.Copy !req
342. Ha!Copy !req
343. Yeah, that's right. You better walk away!Copy !req
344. Was tired of winning money
from him anyhow.Copy !req
345. Oh come on.Copy !req
346. He's not asking for a reach-around.
Just aim the guy's dick.Copy !req
347. Well, you work with the guy.Copy !req
348. Yeah, that is textbook
workplace-inappropriate.Copy !req
349. Fine. Bobby Ray, you're up.Copy !req
350. You got it, E. Wait, what now?Copy !req
351. Hero time, buddy. Time to buck up.
You were made to do this. Know that.Copy !req
352. But mostly, you do it so I don't have to.Copy !req
353. Can we hurry this up?
Because we've got company.Copy !req
354. Oh! Cold hands! Cold hands!Copy !req
355. Stop fucking around, damn it!Copy !req
356. Hey, hey, hey! Drop the penis.Copy !req
357. Now, you guys can disarm that bomb, yeah?Copy !req
358. - Not a problem.
- Highly doubt it.Copy !req
359. Ah, so what you're saying is,Copy !req
360. if we simultaneously cut the lead
to redirect the primer charge,Copy !req
361. we can decouple the detonator.Copy !req
362. Whoa, you're like
some kind of hillbilly genius.Copy !req
363. Something like that.Copy !req
364. - Now, where's that no-matter-what wire?
- The what now?Copy !req
365. On every bomb, there's a wire
you don't touch, no matter what.Copy !req
366. My Uncle Randy taught me that.Copy !req
367. Those were his final words, actually.Copy !req
368. Okay, and yours too
if you idiots don't hurry the fuck up.Copy !req
369. 'Cause we are out of time.Copy !req
370. Oh God... Get that Jim dog out of my face!Copy !req
371. Oh man, if I had a nickel
for every time Rita Hayworth said that,Copy !req
372. I'd have 18 nickels.Copy !req
373. Hang on to something!Copy !req
374. What was that about
small girls with fire extinguishers?Copy !req
375. Oh, just had to be
the no-matter-what wire, didn't it?Copy !req
376. Very impressive, my friends,Copy !req
377. but unfortunately for you,
I have locked the autopilot on Vegas.Copy !req
378. So, guess this is goodbye.Copy !req
379. For you, it'll be
a little less conversation...Copy !req
380. and a little bit more radiation.Copy !req
381. Okay, okay. I'll give you that one.Copy !req
382. That was pretty good.Copy !req
383. And that officially makes $302,000.Copy !req
384. Bam!Copy !req
385. Good. Going back
to where you came from, hopefully.Copy !req
386. Looks like I'm not done
busting you up after all.Copy !req
387. Like my sweet little nephew Wesley says...Copy !req
388. always bet on Black.Copy !req
389. Heads up!Copy !req
390. Damn it, Howard.
I needed that guy alive to question him.Copy !req
391. Well, you should have said that!Copy !req
392. Oh, and speaking of,Copy !req
393. the disarming-the-bomb thing
we were doing?Copy !req
394. It didn't go "good."Copy !req
395. We are totally fucked!Copy !req
396. Shit! And the autopilot's locked
and headed for Vegas.Copy !req
397. Not anymore it isn't.Copy !req
398. Everybody, grab on.Copy !req
399. Okay, who's groping my ass?Copy !req
400. Okay, who's not groping my ass?Copy !req
401. Uh, probably the dead guy.Copy !req
402. I'm actually not dead.Copy !req
403. Just badly burnt.Copy !req
404. Oh! Oh Christ.
Oh God, it's like talking to a meat loaf.Copy !req
405. No, I big fan. Number one Elvis.Copy !req
406. That's why I do quotes.Copy !req
407. You inspire me.Copy !req
408. - Uh, thank you?
- Yeah, that's great. Who do you work for?Copy !req
409. You know, maybe this is sign.Copy !req
410. I should make changes in life, you know?Copy !req
411. Join the carpool, get normal job, eh?Copy !req
412. Oh, yeah. Yay for pretty pictures.
Who the fuck do you work for?Copy !req
413. Okay, okay. It's too many secrets.Copy !req
414. Doesn't matter, so I tell you.Copy !req
415. I work for—Copy !req
416. Oh, well, that's just fucking great.Copy !req
417. And thank the Lord for metaphors!Copy !req
418. Your ass needs to see a doctor.Copy !req
419. And I mean, like, a ton of 'em.Copy !req
420. Ugh. And I'm totally fired, aren't I?Copy !req
421. Oh yeah.Copy !req
422. Fuck you, Vegas.Copy !req
423. What... Howard? Is that you?Copy !req
424. You idiots know each other?Copy !req
425. Oh yeah.Copy !req
426. Melvin found me
on the side of the road a few years agoCopy !req
427. and gave me a ride into town,Copy !req
428. so I'm leaving him
all my money when I die.Copy !req
429. Uh, just for giving you a ride?Copy !req
430. Wait, what do I get for the handy?Copy !req
431. Just take me to my hotel, will you?Copy !req
432. Yeah, absolutely.Copy !req
433. Any chance we could swing by
and meet my boss first?Copy !req
434. No, I'm done with you people.Copy !req
435. - Well, but—
- Done.Copy !req
436. How about some tunes then?Copy !req
437. Oh, fucking Vegas.Copy !req