- 1. I've had the best life.
- 2. And I couldn't have wished
for a better bloke.
- 3. But the world's gonna carry on
- 4. and so are you.
- 5. Have fun.
- 6. And I want you to meet someone else.
- 7. Someone nearly as lovely as me.
- 8. Nearly.
- 9. - Hello.
- Hello, you.
- 10. - You all right?
- 11. - What are you doing?
- 12. Right. Got a good lead for you.
- 13. Local baby...
- 14. looks exactly like Adolf Hitler.
- 15. - Yeah!
- 16. Boo!
- 17. - So... is that a birthmark?
- 18. Oh, no, it's eyeliner.
- 19. We did it with marker pen at first,
but it took ages to get off.
- 20. Yeah, I mean,
this way we can do it when we want
- 21. then wipe it off if we need to.
- 22. So hold on,
- 23. it doesn't really look like Hitler then.
- 24. It does.
- 25. No. I mean naturally.
- 26. It wasn't born
with its hair combed forward
- 27. and a mustache, was it?
- 28. - Nor was Hitler, to be fair.
- Good point.
- 29. What I'm saying is,
it's not a revelation, is it?
- 30. I mean, to get in the paper.
- 31. "Baby born that looks a bit like Hitler,"
- 32. mildly interesting...
- 33. if it had a real mustache.
- 34. But you can draw a mustache on any baby
and it looks a bit like Hitler.
- 35. Not a black one.
- 36. Not as much.
- 37. No.
- 38. Well, then you'd probably...
- 39. do a little Robert Mugabe... or something.
- 40. Yeah, or Chinese one. We'd probably do...
- 41. - Kim Jong-Un or something.
- 42. Or a Korean one, even.
- 43. I've got one more question.
- 44. Why do you want your baby
to look like Adolf Hitler?
- 45. You're not fans, are you?
- 46. We're not Nazis, no.
- 47. - Just... a bit of fun, innit? I mean...
- 48. Hitler's the funniest thing to do,
- 49. - Take a picture.
- 50. - Smile.
- 51. So... will people do literally anything
to get in the local paper, then?
- 52. It's a laugh, innit?
- 53. - It was funny.
- 54. See?
- 55. They should get him a passport now,
- 56. so he's stuck with that photo
for ten years.
- 57. Oh, here she is.
- 58. - Right.
- Go on.
- 59. - If you were atheist...
- I am.
- 60. - ... and don't believe in an afterlife...
- I don't.
- 61. If you don't believe
in heaven and hell and all that,
- 62. why don't you just go around raping
and murdering as much as you want?
- 63. I do.
- 64. I do go around raping and murdering
as much as I want, which is not at all.
- 65. 'Cause he's got a conscience.
- 66. But... if death is just the end,
what's the point?
- 67. - What's the point in what?
- 68. You might as well just kill yourself.
- 69. So if you're watching a movie,
and you're really enjoying it,
- 70. something with Kevin Hart in...
- 71. Yeah.
- 72. And someone points out
that this'll end eventually,
- 73. do you just go, "Oh, forget it then.
What's the point?" and just turn it off?
- 74. No, 'cause I can watch it again.
- 75. Doesn't mean it's true.
- 76. But once you realize
you're not gonna be around forever,
- 77. I think that's what makes life so magical.
- 78. One day you'll... eat your last meal,
- 79. smell your last flower,
hug your friend for the very last time.
- 80. You might not know it's the last time,
- 81. so that's why you should do everything
you love with passion, you know?
- 82. Treasure the few years you've got
- 83. that's all there is.
- 84. I've watched Ride Along 2 five times.
- 85. - Well, you haven't wasted your life, then.
- Definitely not.
- 86. No.
- 87. - Love Kevin Hart, everythin' about him.
- 88. His humor, his comedy...
- 89. - his films...
- Comedy films, mainly.
- 90. - Mainly, yeah.
- 91. - Whatever gets you through.
- 92. Well, thanks for coming over.
- 93. Pleasure.
- 94. Right.
- 95. Is this the service for Julian Kane?
- 96. It's already happened.
- 97. Are you a relative?
- 98. No, friend.
- 99. Wasn't much of a do.
- 100. Terrible turnout.
- 101. Hope mine's not like that.
- 102. Sure.
- 103. I mean, I look forward to these things,
and then that happens.
- 104. It's depressing.
- 105. Well, maybe the next one
will be more fun.
- 106. Doubt it.
- 107. Friend of yours?
- 108. Yeah. A... guy I used to work with.
- 109. Ah, I'm sorry.
- 110. Oh, don't breathe in the smoke, love.
You'll be off your tits.
- 111. Trust me.
- 112. - Hey.
- I missed it.
- 113. Everyone did.
- 114. Doesn't matter.
- 115. How've you been?
- 116. Yeah, good.
- 117. The nurse who looks after my dad,
- 118. ask her out.
- 119. - That's brilliant.
- Is it?
- 120. Yeah.
- 121. Another good man taken.
- 122. Well...
- 123. she hasn't said yes yet.
- 124. She will.
- 125. She'd be mad not to.
- 126. I don't suppose you'll have time
- 127. to associate with me
when you're all hooked up again.
- 128. Stupid.
- 129. Trust me.
- 130. It gets complicated.
- 131. No one wants their fella hanging out
with someone like me.
- 132. Like you.
- 133. A really nice person.
- 134. - See you later.
- See you later.
- 135. All right, Dad?
- 136. The soldiers were here again today.
- 137. Were they?
- 138. Yeah.
Looking for me.
- 139. I kept out of the way.
- 140. Were they British or German?
- 141. German.
- 142. Nazis, then?
- 143. Yep.
- 144. Best keep out the way...
'til the war's over.
- 145. You're a good boy.
- 146. - Am I?
- 147. What's my name?
- 148. Yep.
- 149. How do you know me?
- 150. Well, you come here sometimes.
- 151. Yep, I come here sometimes.
- 152. You're my boy.
- 153. Yep.
- 154. You drew on the wallpaper, didn't ya?
- 155. I did, yeah.
- 156. When I was seven.
- 157. You remember that?
- 158. Your mum's furious.
- 159. She was.
- 160. Don't worry about it.
- 161. Got a spare roll down the shed.
- 162. I'll do it tomorrow.
- 163. You did it already, Dad.
- 164. - You did it the next day.
- 165. I'll do it tomorrow.
- 166. I love you, Dad.
- 167. Gay.
- 168. falling down the back.
If you sit forward, I'll pull it up.
- 169. Okay, right.
- 170. I don't wanna do this anymore.
- 171. I don't see the point.
- 172. Well, I mean, therapy is a way
of helping you cope with your feelings.
- 173. How?
- 174. You're asking the question, which means
you're on the way to problem-solving.
- 175. Am I?
- 176. That's a great question.
- 177. That's a great question, Tony.
- 178. We are here to help you change...
- 179. the negative behavior
which contributes to your problems.
- 180. What is my negative behavior?
- 181. You've said yourself,
you wanna punish the world
- 182. - as a result of your loss.
Some people deserve to be punished,
- 183. including me.
- 184. And I thought I could be the one
to administer the punishment,
- 185. but my mistake was thinking
that everyone is an arsehole,
- 186. and they're not.
- 187. Some people are nice, right?
- 188. And the trick is to find
who's nice and who's an arsehole.
- 189. But arseholes are clever.
They pretend to be nice.
- 190. They pretend to care about you, that—
- 191. You're an arsehole.
- 192. So I'm clever.
- 193. Yeah.
- 194. - So you wanna punish me?
- I don't, actually.
- 195. - No.
- 196. I just... don't need you around anymore.
- 197. I don't...
- 198. I don't need you anymore.
- 199. Okay.
- 200. You're not terrible, you know.
- 201. You're not Hitler.
- 202. You're a dickhead.
- 203. You're a dick.
- 204. You feel better, Tony?
- 205. I do.
Maybe there's something in this, yeah.
- 206. You absolute cock.
- 207. You cock, you twat.
- 208. It was your brother-in-law Matt
that told me about you, and uh...
- 209. we thought it would be a good idea—
- 210. And I went along with it for a while.
- 211. I don't know why. Like wiggling a tooth.
I knew you were a cock,
- 212. - but I just thought I'd give it—
- Well, it seems to be helping him,
- 213. what with his marriage
going down the fucking swanny.
- 214. His what?
- 215. Sorry. Naughty.
- 216. Is everything okay with you and Jill?
- 217. What?
- 218. The psychiatrist said
you were having marriage problems.
- 219. - Well, he shouldn't have done that.
- I know. He's a twat.
- 220. Is it true?
- 221. Yeah, we are.
- 222. What, you're—
What? You're working it out, though?
- 223. Well, we're trying to, yeah.
- 224. So you're not gonna...
split up or anything?
- 225. - Just gonna—
- Well, maybe.
- 226. Really?
- 227. Oh, come on. Wha—
- 228. Is it genuinely a revelation to you
that other people have problems, Tony?
- 229. Because they do. Everyone does.
- 230. Most people keep these things
- 231. They don't go around
broadcasting it like you do,
- 232. but everyone has bad shit in their lives.
- 233. So the next time
you're rude to some waitress
- 234. for getting your order wrong,
or make someone feel bad
- 235. for saying something stupid, just know
that they might have just failed an exam,
- 236. He doesn't know anything's wrong.
- 237. To be honest, he's more worried
about his uncle acting mental,
- 238. threatening to kill himself
and other people.
- 239. Well...
- 240. tell him he doesn't have to worry
about that... at least.
- 241. That's not gonna happen.
- 242. I'm not gonna tell him something
that might turn out to be a lie.
- 243. I'm not gonna kill myself.
- 244. Okay.
- 245. I'm sorry.
- 246. No, you didn't know.
- 247. No, not about this. I mean...
- 248. about everything.
- 249. Been a fuckin' pain.
- 250. I like this job.
- 251. I just used to be better at it.
Used to... try harder.
- 252. But it's...
- 253. it's a good place to work.
Even with these idiots.
- 254. And the little things do matter.
- 255. This shitty little...
free, local newspaper.
- 256. It kills a few minutes,
- 257. in a good way.
- 258. A smile 'cause someone
saved a blind kitten from a tree.
- 259. It's not for reading, it's for being in.
- 260. Everyone should be in the local paper
at least once.
- 261. "I was 'ere."
- 262. It's sweet.
- 263. Cheers, Lenny.
- 264. What for?
- 265. For being my human stress ball.
- 266. Letting me squeeze your neck.
- 267. What a good fuckin' mate you are!
- 268. Welcome.
- 269. You're brilliant, Sandy.
- 270. Smart,
- 271. interested.
- 272. Don't ever lose that.
- 273. You can do whatever you want.
- 274. And Kath.
- 275. Thank you for annoying me every day,
- 276. without fail.
- 277. Your banal questions...
- 278. they distracted me.
- 279. So, cheers.
- 280. Dunno what he's on about.
- 281. I think he's being nice.
- 282. Hmm. That's even weirder.
- 283. And...
- 284. cheers, Matt.
- 285. Thanks for never giving up.
- 286. It must have been
like trying to free an injured,
- 287. angry rat from a trap.
You're doing it for its own good,
but it doesn't know that
- 288. 'cause it doesn't trust anyone anymore...
- 289. so it lashes out.
- 290. You can't change the world,
- 291. but you can— you can change yourself.
- 292. I'll try harder at that as well.
- 293. I'll stick around.
- 294. So,
- 295. I mean, I won then?
- 296. - Won what?
- I kept you alive long enough
- 297. to decide you weren't going to kill
yourself and you could be happy again.
- 298. Happy's a stretch.
- 299. But you don't have to confiscate
my shoelaces anymore.
- 300. Okay.
- 301. Get back to work.
- 302. Unless you've got somewhere better to be.
- 303. I have got somewhere better to be.
- 304. Oh, back again.
- 305. Hi. Umm...
- 306. I was wondering if you wanted to go out...
- 307. for a drink...
- 308. or a meal.
- 309. Oh, uh—
- 310. I'm not mad anymore.
- 311. I'm a bit mad.
- 312. But, no madder than anyone else.
- 313. I don't know if it's the right thing.
- 314. Okay.
- 315. Well, I mean—
Can I say I'll think about it?
- 316. Yep.
- 317. I'll take that.
- 318. Think about it. That's good.
- 319. There's hope.
- 320. Hope is everything.
- 321. I don't know what to say.
- 322. Just say yes.
- 323. I asked her out.
- 324. The nurse?
- 325. Oh, excellent!
- 326. She's thinking about it, so...
- 327. How are you?
- 328. are you...
- 329. - Am I happy?
- 330. Yes.
- 331. I had the most wonderful life with Stan.
- 332. And I have all those memories.
- 333. That's all we are anyway,
- 334. And Stan had a wonderful life, too,
- 335. and he's not in any pain.
- 336. Doesn't even know it's over.
- 337. I do.
- 338. But I'd rather live...
- 339. missing him...
- 340. than for him to live missing me.
- 341. That's how much I love him.
- 342. I wouldn't change anything.
- 343. If I went back and changed one thing
I didn't like, I might lose something
- 344. that that bad thing eventually took me to.
- 345. You shouldn't regret anything,
- 346. or think, "Well, if I went back,
I might do this or I might do that."
- 347. I'd go back to 1998...
- 348. and punch Gavin Tilley
in the face for looking at Lisa.
- 349. - For looking at her?
- It was the way he looked at her.
- 350. He winked.
- 351. She ignored it.
- 352. I pretended I hadn't seen it.
- 353. I knew it was wrong to punch him, but...
- 354. Also, I think I was embarrassed
- 355. about being jealous over something, so...
- 356. But now I wish
I'd punched him in the face.
- 357. I found myself...
- 358. ranting about how life's worth living
today at work
- 359. for the first time since Lisa died,
- 360. and... that's your fault.
- 361. And I thought...
- 362. I'm gonna carry on...
- 363. saying and doing... what I want, and...
- 364. punishing the world, but I'm gonna
punish people who deserve it.
- 365. I'm gonna use my superpower for good.
- 366. 'Cause...
- 367. when I was doing and saying
exactly what I wanted,
- 368. it always felt better...
- 369. when it was also the right thing to do.
- 370. Know what I mean? If you're a good person,
- 371. doing things you want to do
is the same as doing good.
- 372. And you're a good person,
- 373. and I'd really rather
you didn't kill yourself.
- 374. Because it would be a waste.
- 375. You may not like living much,
- 376. but you make the world a better place.
- 377. And don't give up...
- 378. because then they've won.
- 379. And they grow in numbers.
- 380. Who?
- 381. Arseholes, you know,
like Gavin fuckin' Tilley.
- 382. Gavin fuckin' Tilley.
- 383. Ugh.
- 384. Are you gonna go for a drink with him?
- 385. Oh, I dunno.
- 386. Do you like him?
- 387. D'you know, I've worked in this job for...
- 388. God, 25 years,
- 389. and, I mean, I've seen lonely people,
people dying, people in pain,
- 390. people who've got nothing,
and yet I...
- 391. I don't think I've ever met anyone
quite as... sad as him.
- 392. And he did it to himself. It's like...
- 393. really painful for him.
- 394. And yet,
- 395. he still manages to make me laugh.
- 396. - Hi.
- 397. Right, let's go for that drink, then.
- 398. - Really?
- 399. - D'you wanna go to the pub or—
- Thank you.
- 400. Sorry.
- 401. - Hey.
- 402. You are human.
- 403. - I'm getting there.