1. I "Adventure Time" J“Copy !req
2. I Come on, grab your friends J“Copy !req
3. J“ We're going to
very distant lands J“Copy !req
4. J“ With Jake the dog
and Finn the human ICopy !req
5. J“ The fun will never end J“Copy !req
6. I It's "Adventure Time" ICopy !req
7. Hmm. Let's see what else
the cards say.Copy !req
8. This card means you're a man.Copy !req
9. Okay.Copy !req
10. No, I'm kidding.Copy !req
11. It means you're nice.Copy !req
12. I'm learning truth about myself.Copy !req
13. Hey, Dad, What if
I called you "Papa"?Copy !req
14. "I love the sea, Papa!"Copy !req
15. How are your card fingers
feeling?Copy !req
16. That's a weird thing
to say, Papa.Copy !req
17. Have you seen cards
like... this?Copy !req
18. What?Copy !req
19. No! Not today!Copy !req
20. — No Card Wars!
—[Sp
ash]Copy !req
21. She sunk like a stone!Copy !req
22. Ah, there's no time to go back!Copy !req
23. The tourney starts in an hour!Copy !req
24. BMO is always fine.Copy !req
25. I don't understand.Copy !req
26. Card Wars, the great
and venerable game of old.Copy !req
27. It is the king and queen
of tabletop games.Copy !req
28. It combines the mechanics
of simulated combat,Copy !req
29. hand management,Copy !req
30. commodity speculation,Copy !req
31. Worker placement,Copy !req
32. blind auctioning,Copy !req
33. and set collection.Copy !req
34. Battle happens
in one of four combat lanes,Copy !req
35. each deriving its power from one
of the 16 themed elements ——Copy !req
36. corn, wheat, blue, crystals,Copy !req
37. acumen, torpor, frozen lakes,
lizard holes, learning...Copy !req
38. That's too many rules.Copy !req
39. I don't do cards
to follow rules.Copy !req
40. But you could be so good!Copy !req
41. Daddy's pro—tege!Copy !req
42. Of course I'd be good at it,
but I'm not into it.Copy !req
43. Look, I lost track
of how old I am.Copy !req
44. Maybe I'm almost 40.
I don't know.Copy !req
45. I at least need
to unpack my last decadeCopy !req
46. before embarking
on my next decade.Copy !req
47. I've got to win
and be dignified.Copy !req
48. 205 are for regretting,
305 are for being dignified,Copy !req
49. and 40s are older
than I ever want to be.Copy !req
50. Hmm.Copy !req
51. O... kay.Copy !req
52. You give me one of your...Copy !req
53. bones”.Copy !req
54. and I'll play one of your games.Copy !req
55. —
—Copy !req
56. I activate the Barrel.Copy !req
57. I floop the Cooper.Copy !req
58. — Mmmwah!
— Mmmwah!Copy !req
59. Cute!Copy !req
60. Welcome, Charlie, to the 59th
Card Wars Doubles Classic!Copy !req
61. That's Todd and Jennings
signing in.Copy !req
62. And over there,
Benton and Mike R.Copy !req
63. Luke and Captain Majesty.Copy !req
64. Mr. Outrageous
and Mr. International.Copy !req
65. Who's that, Papa?Copy !req
66. That's... uh...
the reigning champs.Copy !req
67. Jake?Copy !req
68. Grand Prix.Copy !req
69. Man, I thought
you swore off tourney play,Copy !req
70. like, angrily swore it off.Copy !req
71. —
— GRAND PRIX: Oh. Uh, pardon.Copy !req
72. HeHo, Jake.Copy !req
73. Is that you, Moniker?Copy !req
74. How are you?Copy !req
75. — We've been just grea—
— Her?Copy !req
76. Oh, this is my daughter/
Card Wars partner, Charlie!Copy !req
77. 'Sup?Copy !req
78. That's fantastic, Jake.Copy !req
79. You always wanted kids.Copy !req
80. Well, she's a chip
off the old block, I'll bet.Copy !req
81. Us, we're running the local
after—school OW. program,Copy !req
82. just like where you and me
first met.Copy !req
83. Most clays, we're busy running
the screen—printing shop,Copy !req
84. but, uh, we still make time
for the tourney,Copy !req
85. — just for fun, you know.
—Copy !req
86. Yes! We're all here
to have fun!Copy !req
87. Well, got to sign in.
Come, Charlie!Copy !req
88. Nice meeting you.Copy !req
89. — That's your ex, huh?
— What?Copy !req
90. Nothing.
You've definitely got a type.Copy !req
91. Round 1!Copy !req
92. Jake and Charlie,
A.K.A. Team Dignified,Copy !req
93. Versus Reggie and Pete the punk.Copy !req
94. — Ohhhh!
— Blah, blah, blah!Copy !req
95. Commence Card Wars!Copy !req
96. I floop the Hay Barn,
and I attack with Feed Man!Copy !req
97. A solid move
from the veteran Jake.Copy !req
98. Least Bean Ball Bomba.Copy !req
99. Bean Ball!Copy !req
100. Bean Ball?Copy !req
101. Feed Man's
power source is gone!Copy !req
102. No, no, no!Copy !req
103. No... big deal.Copy !req
104. Your turn, sweetie.Copy !req
105. Okay.Copy !req
106. I'll play...Copy !req
107. this one.Copy !req
108. "Floop."Copy !req
109. Granary Weevil,
on your first draw?Copy !req
110. Unprecedented.Copy !req
111. And combined with a downed
Feed Man, that means...Copy !req
112. He's right.
It's Infinite Haymaker!Copy !req
113. That's game!Copy !req
114. A stunning move
from the newcomer Charlie.Copy !req
115. She's a real pro—tege.Copy !req
116. We win!Copy !req
117. — Whoo!
—Copy !req
118. Yeah, I'm out.Copy !req
119. What?Copy !req
120. One bone, one game.Copy !req
121. But I'm not done burying my 20s.Copy !req
122. Do you want more bones?
Is that it?Copy !req
123. Nah.
I only need one.Copy !req
124. Catch ya on the flip, Papa.Copy !req
125. Round 2 starts in five minutes.Copy !req
126. Still dignified.Copy !req
127. Psst.Copy !req
128. Lost your partner, huh?Copy !req
129. Hey, don't worry.
We won't tattle.Copy !req
130. I will crush you, Grand Prix.Copy !req
131. I'm ho—o—me!Copy !req
132. Hey, you two been kissing?Copy !req
133. What—what?Copy !req
134. Me hungy.Copy !req
135. Gomp!Copy !req
136. All y'all keep quiet!
Charlie's flexin'!Copy !req
137. Let's see.Copy !req
138. Finally, I've got
the hair of the motherCopy !req
139. and a bone of the father.Copy !req
140. Time to do a rare turbo—boosted
personal reading.Copy !req
141. Self—care mega—blow.Copy !req
142. It's the semifinal round,Copy !req
143. and Mr. Outrageous has Jake
on the ropes.Copy !req
144. I can still
play my Ultra DogCopy !req
145. and force a draw.Copy !req
146. And while technically
a legal move,Copy !req
147. it's considered
a low—class maneuverCopy !req
148. this late in the tourney.Copy !req
149. Jake.Copy !req
150. Do it!Copy !req
151. I play... Ultra Dog!Copy !req
152. A shocking move!Copy !req
153. Ultra Dog attacks the
Tilled Field with "Cold Nose"!Copy !req
154. Which means... cat's game!Copy !req
155. But by tourney rules,Copy !req
156. the slight point lead gives
the win to Team Dignified!Copy !req
157. They advance to the finals
versus Grand Prix and Moniker.Copy !req
158. Just a garbage, garbage win.Copy !req
159. What am I doing?Copy !req
160. All right.
The deck is ripe.Copy !req
161. Let's see what the cards say.Copy !req
162. Dad!
Why are you here?Copy !req
163. This one's about me!Copy !req
164. That's too much sandwich!
You got to chew!Copy !req
165. Gah!Copy !req
166. Is this my 205?Copy !req
167. Dad was right.Copy !req
168. I've got to fix
these "faults of youth."Copy !req
169. My 30s?Copy !req
170. IIoohostCopy !req
171. My 40s.Copy !req
172. I'm afraid.Copy !req
173. Also, I'm naming you "Gibbon."Copy !req
174. My 50s.Copy !req
175. Midlife crisis.Copy !req
176. Good luck, Gibbon!Copy !req
177. My 60s.Copy !req
178. I'm unfamiliar
with my changing body.Copy !req
179. My 70s.Copy !req
180. I begin
to lose people around me.Copy !req
181. My 80s.Copy !req
182. I'm afraid again.Copy !req
183. My 90s.Copy !req
184. I'm content and wise!Copy !req
185. Yeah!Copy !req
186. Wrinkles!Copy !req
187. Oh, no!Copy !req
188. I've been a total wand
to my dad!Copy !req
189. I've got to go help him!Copy !req
190. Come on, Jakey.
pull it together.Copy !req
191. Blah! Win!
Win at all costs!Copy !req
192. No! I bury you!Copy !req
193. Feel your 205!Copy !req
194. No, no, no!Copy !req
195. Be cool.Copy !req
196. Mom?Copy !req
197. No, Papa.
It's your 90—year—old daughter.Copy !req
198. You flake!Copy !req
199. Be content.Copy !req
200. Whoa!Copy !req
201. Whoo! Whoo!Copy !req
202. — Whoop! Whoop!
— Whoop! Whoop!Copy !req
203. Ka—pow!Copy !req
204. — Whoop!
— Yeah!Copy !req
205. — Whoop!
— What—what?Copy !req
206. Dignified!Copy !req
207. Yeah!Copy !req
208. Winners —— Grand Prix
and Moniker Des Louise.Copy !req
209. Good game, Grand Prix, Moniker.Copy !req
210. Okay.Copy !req
211. I Come along with me ICopy !req
212. I And the butterflies and bees ICopy !req
213. This party is so crazy!Copy !req