1. Hey, Jake. What's wrong?Copy !req
2. You look dumpy. How come?Copy !req
3. I-Is it because of
that metal box?Copy !req
4. Is something sad inside?Copy !req
5. No. It's nothing.Copy !req
6. There's lots of boxes that
have nothing in them.Copy !req
7. But also, you could put
something in the box.Copy !req
8. And then it won't be empty!Copy !req
9. Does that make you feel better?Copy !req
10. You're a charmer, Finn human.Copy !req
11. No. It's... well...Copy !req
12. Lady Rainicorn
doesn't want to playCopy !req
13. the game Card Wars with me.Copy !req
14. I always beat her.Copy !req
15. So she says, "no
more card warring."Copy !req
16. What's Card Wars?Copy !req
17. It's a fantasy card gameCopy !req
18. that's super-complicated
and awesome,Copy !req
19. but, well... oh,
it's kinda stupid.Copy !req
20. Never mind.Copy !req
21. How come you never
talked about it before?Copy !req
22. It sounds cool. - Really?Copy !req
23. Well, I thought you'd
say it was for nerdsCopy !req
24. who do not know how life isCopy !req
25. outside of the nerd universe.Copy !req
26. I-it is, man.Copy !req
27. But I still totally
want to play it.Copy !req
28. So no more moping, okay?Copy !req
29. Thanks, Finn.Copy !req
30. Oh, hey, Beemo. You
want to play, too'?Copy !req
31. No! I do not play such games...
with Jake!Copy !req
32. - What's that mean?
- Ah, whatever.Copy !req
33. Let's play the game!Copy !req
34. So, what kind of
stakes do we play for?Copy !req
35. How about the loser...Copy !req
36. is a dweeb,Copy !req
37. and the winner is a cool guy?Copy !req
38. Those are good stakes.Copy !req
39. Coffee grounds, beetle butter,Copy !req
40. grape jelly, kimchi,Copy !req
41. aaand this stuff.Copy !req
42. Hey! You're ruining that
pop with weird taste!Copy !req
43. We drink when the game is over.Copy !req
44. Oh, gross.Copy !req
45. Now, let me explain the rules.Copy !req
46. That's basically the basics.Copy !req
47. So once we have our
kingdom setup...Copy !req
48. it's time to start to play...Copy !req
49. for the gloryyyy!Copy !req
50. Huh?Copy !req
51. Hey, were you asleep?Copy !req
52. I'll have to explain
it all over again!Copy !req
53. Doesn't matter. Let's just play.Copy !req
54. But if you don't know the rules,Copy !req
55. then you're gonna lose in
the first couple rounds,Copy !req
56. like Lady always does.Copy !req
57. And then you'll hate the game.
And then you'll hate max'Copy !req
58. And then, and then...Copy !req
59. Pfft! You think
you're gonna win?Copy !req
60. I'm gonna crush you...
Party-dance style, dweeb!Copy !req
61. Bring it!Copy !req
62. So, how do I get my
land on the map'?Copy !req
63. Oh.Copy !req
64. You, uh, floop your land cards.Copy !req
65. Uh...Copy !req
66. Keep those honeys hidden,Copy !req
67. or I'll get a
strategic advantage!Copy !req
68. Oh! Hmm...Copy !req
69. Okay, I go first.Copy !req
70. I floop the Silo of Truth!Copy !req
71. Hey!Copy !req
72. Pfft! You got really lame cards.Copy !req
73. Hmm...Copy !req
74. I'll take the Cerebral
Blood Storm, though.Copy !req
75. Huh?Copy !req
76. Okay, now it's the battle phase.Copy !req
77. I'm attacking your schoolhouse
with my Husker Knights.Copy !req
78. And, I'm casting
Cerebral Blood Storm.Copy !req
79. So, what do you use to defend?Copy !req
80. Uh... can my Cool DogCopy !req
81. and Ancient Scholar defeat
your Husker Knights?Copy !req
82. Of course not!Copy !req
83. Hmm. Then I floop the pig...Copy !req
84. What?Copy !req
85. - What?
- Okay, okay.Copy !req
86. First of all, you don't floop
a creature to make it fight.Copy !req
87. You activate a creature.Copy !req
88. Hmm. No!Copy !req
89. It says I can floop the pig.
See?Copy !req
90. No!Copy !req
91. He's eating all my cornfields!Copy !req
92. My Husker Knights draw
energy from corn!Copy !req
93. And since I'm not
actually attacking,Copy !req
94. your Cerebral Blood
Storm only does damageCopy !req
95. to your own kingdom's troops.Copy !req
96. You just wiped out
my entire attack!Copy !req
97. What do you expect if all your
power units come from corn?Copy !req
98. Pigs eat corn, dude.
Cornfields stink.Copy !req
99. Cornfields are awesome!Copy !req
100. What makes you think you know
so much about Card Wars?Copy !req
101. - It's just logic.
- Your turn.Copy !req
102. Hmm...Copy !req
103. You're supposed
to discard a cardCopy !req
104. and pick up a new one first.Copy !req
105. Oh, right.Copy !req
106. Look at you. You're a
babe in the woods.Copy !req
107. Your beginner's luck
ends this round!Copy !req
108. Hmm.Copy !req
109. Spirit Tower! And the
Cave of Solitude?Copy !req
110. Now my battle phase begins.Copy !req
111. I activate my ancient
scholar to begin studying.Copy !req
112. And I also move my pig
to the Cave of SolitudeCopy !req
113. so he can take a nap.Copy !req
114. That's it? You're not attacking?Copy !req
115. I'll attack on a different turn.Copy !req
116. Ha! Then the seas have alignedCopy !req
117. and the five winds waft
the smell of victoryCopy !req
118. to my palace doors!Copy !req
119. I cast "Field of Nightmares"Copy !req
120. and activate my
legion of ear-lingsCopy !req
121. to scare your pig to death!Copy !req
122. My pig's in the
Cave of Solitude.Copy !req
123. Um... I cast "Teleport"Copy !req
124. to move your pig
to the empty fieldCopy !req
125. so I can attack him!Copy !req
126. Uh... wouldn't
"Teleport" only workCopy !req
127. on your own creatures?
- You're right.Copy !req
128. I'm gonna slay that pig, though.Copy !req
129. How? You don't have any
creatures that can touch him.Copy !req
130. Ugh!Copy !req
131. Face it, man. I'm the cool guy.Copy !req
132. Hmm...Copy !req
133. You're the cool guy, huh?Copy !req
134. Well, let me make it a
little hot for you, then.Copy !req
135. I floop the volcano.Copy !req
136. What?Copy !req
137. That'll destroy your
kingdom, too, won't it'?Copy !req
138. Hmph! Maybe Oh!Copy !req
139. Aah!Copy !req
140. My Pig!Copy !req
141. Aah!Copy !req
142. The pig is dead.Copy !req
143. Now I reconstitute my cornfieldsCopy !req
144. using the "Reclaim
Landscape" spell.Copy !req
145. My Husker Knights, revive!Copy !req
146. And I still have
my battle phase.Copy !req
147. Hiding in the useless swamp,
the Immortal Maize Walker!Copy !req
148. I love corn!Copy !req
149. Ah!Copy !req
150. Cornfields give the immortal
maize walker triple damage.Copy !req
151. Uh...Copy !req
152. I told you cornfields
are awesome!Copy !req
153. Your Ancient Scholar
and Cool DogCopy !req
154. won't survive this time.Copy !req
155. Actually, my Ancient
Scholar's been studyingCopy !req
156. the "Raise the Dead" ability.Copy !req
157. - So what?
- So...Copy !req
158. My Ancient Scholar
raises the dead.Copy !req
159. I floop the pig.Copy !req
160. No-o-o-o-o-o!Copy !req
161. Look. My towefls doing a thing.Copy !req
162. Hominy-hominy-hominy!Copy !req
163. You ganked my Spirit Walker!Copy !req
164. Ah!Copy !req
165. Uh, maybe we should
take a break?Copy !req
166. Your turn.Copy !req
167. Huh?Copy !req
168. You Play!Copy !req
169. You Play!Copy !req
170. Oh, zang.Copy !req
171. I do not play such games...Copy !req
172. with Jake.Copy !req
173. Sorry! I gotta use
the boy style room.Copy !req
174. Beemo! Beemo!Copy !req
175. Beemo chop!Copy !req
176. If this were a real
attack, you'd be dead.Copy !req
177. Beemo! Jake's acting
boonoonoonoos!Copy !req
178. Oh, no! Are you winning
the game of Card Wars?Copy !req
179. - Yeah!
- That's terrible!Copy !req
180. If Jake loses that game,
he gets super depressed!Copy !req
181. When I beat him, he wouldn't
talk to me for a month!Copy !req
182. What?Copy !req
183. I only played so he
wouldn't be bummed!Copy !req
184. Finn, you must take a dive.Copy !req
185. Okay, I'll try.Copy !req
186. But I'm a Card Wars
super Amadeus.Copy !req
187. Whoop!Copy !req
188. Play... the... game.Copy !req
189. Grob. Better make
this look good.Copy !req
190. All right, Jake. Prepare
for my ultimo-attack!Copy !req
191. Well, I've still got
my Wandering Bald Man.Copy !req
192. Oh, no.Copy !req
193. I need to get rid of my pigCopy !req
194. so Jake can reconstitute
his cornfields.Copy !req
195. I activate the pigCopy !req
196. to attack your
Wandering Bald Man.Copy !req
197. That's stupid.Copy !req
198. Just attack with
Immortal Maize WalkerCopy !req
199. and get the game over with!Copy !req
200. No way!Copy !req
201. You've underestimated
me and my pig all day.Copy !req
202. Please lose. Please lose.Copy !req
203. No-o-o-o!Copy !req
204. Oh-ho! Oh! Oh, yeah!Copy !req
205. Pigs can't leave mud landscapes
once they're on them!Copy !req
206. Ha ha ha! The pig is mine!Copy !req
207. First, I'll play
Reclaim Landscape.Copy !req
208. Then I cast "Summon Archer Dan."Copy !req
209. Whoa, math...Copy !req
210. M'boys!Copy !req
211. You have no creatures left.Copy !req
212. That's the game, boy!Copy !req
213. The five winds blow through
cornfields once againCopy !req
214. for the glory of Jakoria!Copy !req
215. Heh. You got me.Copy !req
216. In your face!Copy !req
217. It's time to drink up!Copy !req
218. It looks like you are the dweebCopy !req
219. and Mn the cool guy.Copy !req
220. Is it too gross for you, man?Copy !req
221. No, no.Copy !req
222. I got to take what's
coming to me.Copy !req
223. Hey, it's not that bad!
I like it!Copy !req
224. - What?
- You want a taste?Copy !req
225. Ah, it's gross!Copy !req
226. In your face, dweeb!Copy !req