1. In the kingdom of Ooo,
there is a galaxy of flavors,
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2. but only one taste sensation is
amazing enough to kill for —
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3. the Royal Tart.
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4. Royal Tarts
are very rare.
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5. They are only eaten at the most
sacred gathering in Ooo —
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6. The Annual Back-rubbing Ceremony.
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7. The tart is so legendary that
countless thieves will risk
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8. their lives for
just one bite.
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9. My head will be
decapitated if
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10. the tarts don't make
it to the ceremony.
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11. I only trust one guy to deliver them —
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12. the Royal Tart Toter.
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13. Oh!
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14. He's magnificent!
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15. He used to be, but
he's gone mad and old.
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16. So he can't deliver
the tarts anymore.
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17. Cinnamon Bun offered
to fill the position,
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18. but he's kind of...
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19. half-baked.
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20. Hey, Princess! Here I go!
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21. I'm stuck.
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22. Princess, let us deliver the tarts.
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23. Are you sure, Finn?
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24. This is really important.
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25. Princess, I have never been
more sure of anything
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26. in my whole life.
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27. I'll do anything it takes
to keep you alive and safe.
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28. We won't let you down.
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29. Well...
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30. I accept your offer.
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31. Welcome to the tarttorium!
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32. Wow!
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33. They're so beautiful.
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34. No, boys.
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35. Those are the reject tarts,
full of imperfections.
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36. These are the perfect tarts...
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37. safely packed into one of my
antigravity tote chambers.
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38. Tote sweet!
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39. Now, I want you to tote those
tarts through that tunnel.
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40. The Royal Tart path takes
you directly to
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41. the Royal Congressional Hall
in the Badlands.
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42. The path is really safe
and well protected,
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43. but keep your eyes peeled
for any sign of danger, okay?
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44. Mm-hmm.
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45. Yep.
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46. Good.
Now, here's your map.
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47. Hey, Princess, what are all
these bubbling chemicals all
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48. over the place?
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49. That's paralyzing potion, Finn!
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50. Don't touch it.
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51. It'll paralyze
you forever!
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52. Oh.
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53. Thank you, boys.
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54. And remember,
my head is on the line.
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55. All right.
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56. Let's hit it.
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57. Wait.
I got a sick plan.
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58. Go!
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59. Okay.
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60. Bye!
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61. Bye-bye!
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62. Bye-bye, now!
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63. - Goodbye!
- Bye!
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64. Bye!
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65. Ha! That was fun.
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66. But Why'd you do it?
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67. Look, everyone expects the tarts
to be on that Royal Tart path.
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68. Cinnamon Bun will be our decoy
while we take the one path no
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69. thief would expect a
tart toter to take —
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70. the desert of doom!
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71. I guess this is it.
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72. Huh.
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73. Not as scary as I
thought it'd be.
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74. Yeah, man.
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75. Mostly, it just looks empty.
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76. I mean, what thief would
ever hang out here?
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77. There's nothing to steal.
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78. You know, I think my plan
might be kind of brilliant.
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79. I mean, I'm not saying
Mn brilliant,
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80. but it's a pretty
brilliant plan, I think.
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81. True, true.
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82. This place is perfect
for totin' tarts.
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83. Yeah, and the back-rubbing ceremony
is right over those mountains.
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84. This tart tote is gonna
be a total cakewalk.
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85. Yeah.
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86. Whoa! Wait! Hold up!
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87. What is it'?
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88. Shh!
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89. It's a campfire —
close by.
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90. Does it smell like a tart
thief s campfire?
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91. Maybe.
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92. We better check it out.
Can't be too careful.
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93. D-don't burn it,
now, Grimby.
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94. Hush.
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95. I ain't gonna burn it.
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96. Crud!
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97. I was sure we'd be safe
in the desert of doom.
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98. What? What you saying?
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99. Those are dirty
tart burglars.
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100. I think they're
just dirty hobos.
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101. No, man.
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102. They are cold-blooded
tart destroyers,
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103. and we have to get them
before they get us.
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104. Why'?
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105. They're gonna kill Princess
Bubblegum by stealing our tarts.
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106. Oh, yeah.
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107. But how come J.J.
gets to hold it, Grimby?
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108. Aah!
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109. Ooh. Ow.
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110. Yeah! Go on! Get!
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111. We'll mess you up crazy!
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112. You, listen up and
tell your friends —
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113. the next time you want to
steal one of our tarts —
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114. You got tarts?
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115. You know we do!
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116. And the next time you
want to steal one,
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117. you picture this guy right
here chewing on your brain.
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118. What the...
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119. that thing's getting the tarts!
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120. Son of a...
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121. We're eating good tonight!
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122. Uh-oh.
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123. Man, he got like five or six.
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124. But my brilliant plan.
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125. Incoming transmission
from Princess Bubblegum.
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126. What the...
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127. Hey, Finn.
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128. I'm just checking in
using the Holo-pendant.
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129. How are my tarts doing?
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130. They're, um...
t-they're — they're —
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131. They're radical!
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132. No tart problems here.
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133. Uh, yeah, right.
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134. Everythings, uh, bazoobs.
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135. Oh, look —
Uh, somethings eclipsing the sun.
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136. It's so dark now.
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137. Finn? Finn?
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138. Oh, well
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139. I'll see you soon enough.
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140. Transmission complete.
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141. I think the plan went awry.
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142. No. All this was just
some freak bad luck.
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143. But we still got some tarts,
and the princess is still safe.
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144. Oh, yeah.
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145. And who knows what kind of
freaky things might have
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146. happened if we took
the Royal Tart path?
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147. Old Cinnamon Sun's probably
got his hands full.
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148. Bye. Goodbye.
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149. Bye-bye.
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150. - Hello.
- Hello.
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151. Shall I hold that for you, sir?
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152. Okay.
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153. Shall I hold that for you, sir?
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154. Okay.
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155. Shall I hold that for you, sir?
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156. Okay.
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157. Shall I hold that for you, sir?
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158. Okay.
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159. Shall I hold that for you, sir?
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160. Okay.
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161. Shall I hold that for you, sir?
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162. Okay.
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163. Shall I hold that for you, sir?
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164. Okay.
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165. Shall I hold that for you, sir?
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166. Okay.
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167. You know what?
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168. Even though it totally
wasn't our fault,
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169. it's probably for the best
that we lost those tarts.
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170. Huh? How?
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171. Well, it's like a reminder
to really stay sharp
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172. and play it extra safe.
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173. For instance,
take this scary cavern here.
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174. No sane person would ever bring
a tart down there, so...
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175. So no thieves.
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176. Exactly.
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177. You are on a roll today, buddy.
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178. Pee-yew!
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179. Yeah, pee-yew!
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180. Jake?
Yeah?
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181. Hey, man, did you just, like, sniff my butt?
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182. Uh, just now?
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183. Yeah.
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184. No.
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185. Huh. All right.
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186. Hmm. Hey, Finn?
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187. Yeah, Jake?
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188. Did you just, uh,
lick me all the way up my arm?
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189. No.
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190. Hmm. Strange.
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191. Jake, let me see those matches.
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192. Uh-oh.
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193. Man, we got got.
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194. There's only two left!
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195. What?
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196. Aah!
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197. Incoming transmission
from Princess Bubblegum.
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198. Hello?
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199. We blew it, man.
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200. My plan sucked.
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201. It sucked all along, but
I was blinded by my hubris.
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202. Now PB's gonna get got,
and it's all my fault.
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203. Whoa, whoa.
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204. Take it easy, buddy.
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205. We've still got two
whole tarts left.
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206. PB is gonna be fine.
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207. You really think so?
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208. Yeah, why not?
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209. Hey!
Keep off them tarts!
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210. Huh?
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211. I said back off
of them tarts.
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212. Are you an imbecile?
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213. But I —
right the bazoobs now!
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214. Finn,
he's got a laser gun!
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215. Yeah!
That's it. All right.
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216. Now I got to book it
to Nana's for brunch.
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217. See youse later.
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218. It's over.
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219. PB's gonna get croaked.
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220. Mm... yeah, or we could smash
in there and stop Congress
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221. from chopping her head off.
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222. You're right!
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223. Jake, let's go save
Princess Bubblegum!
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224. No!
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225. Aah!
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226. Huh?
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227. Another perfectly
chopped tart!
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228. Let the Annual Back-rubbing
Ceremony begin.
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229. Dude, they're just slicing tarts.
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230. And there's Cinnamon Bun over there!
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231. Hey!
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232. He must have delivered the decoys.
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233. The ones we poisoned!
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234. No!
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235. Princess, don't eat that tart!
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236. Okay. Geez, Finn,
I won't eat that tart.
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237. I'll eat this other tart instead!
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238. Oh, Princess, no!
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239. The princess has been paralyzed.
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240. I'm not paralyzed.
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241. I'm gripped with the flavor!
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242. That means we must have been
carrying the poisoned tarts all along.
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243. Yep, all part of my master plan.
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244. Pbht! Whatever, man.
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245. Excuse me.
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246. What is this about poisoned
tarts and alternate plans?
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247. I-I — all right.
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248. Here it comes.
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249. I had a brilliant plan
to tote the tarts
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250. along a dangerous path,
but I mucked it up.
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251. You ought to give this
toter job to Cinnamon Bun.
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252. He's the real hero.
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253. Yeah!
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254. I'm sorry for not following
your instructions and
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255. for lying to you about it.
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256. Oh, Finn, I forgive you,
'cause I lied to you, too.
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257. They weren't going
to decapitate me.
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258. I just said that so you guys
wouldn't eat the tarts.
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259. Oh.
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260. So I guess we're even.
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261. Uh, yeah. I guess so.
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262. Ladies and gentlemen,
the Royal Tarts have arrived.
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263. The old tart toter.
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264. Nobody move.
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265. He can't see or hear,
but he can feel your movement.
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266. Hello?
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267. Eat my tarts'?
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268. This cosmic dance of bursting
decadence and withheld
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269. permissions twists all
our arms collectively,
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270. but if sweetness can win —
and it can —
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271. then I'll still be here tomorrow
to high-five you yesterday,
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272. my friend.
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273. Peace.
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274. Sheesh.
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275. Blah-la-luh.
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276. Hey, Jake,
give me some of that apple.
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277. Coming up.
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278. I know what you're
thinking about.
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279. Huh?
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280. Kissing
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281. Princess Bubblegum
on the mouth!
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282. No, I'm not!
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283. And I wouldn't even
do that ever.
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284. Yeah, you would.
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285. You're just bad at
talking to ladies.
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286. Hmph!
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287. Ehggg-uh-ya-uh.
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288. Uh, should I keep going,
Mrs. Yoder?
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289. No, Finn, that's plenty.
Thank you.
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290. Okay.
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291. Let us know if you
need anything else.
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292. Hyah!
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293. You two are heroes!
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294. Hunh!
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295. Come on, dude.
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296. Hey, do you hear that?
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297. She called us heroes.
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298. Yeah, I heard.
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299. Huh?
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300. Hey!
How's it going?
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301. Ugh!
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302. Is that true,
what the bird said?
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303. You guys are heroes?
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304. Why are you hiding
in that shrub?
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305. Oh, I wasn't hiding.
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306. I'm a Tree Witch.
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307. I can turn into trees
and shrubs
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308. and bushes and stuff.
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309. Check it out.
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310. Bleh.
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311. So, listen,
I need you two
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312. heroes to get me a
lock of Princess hair.
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313. Why do you need
Princess hair?
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314. Why?
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315. 'Cause I have a
balding problem!
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316. What, are you blind?
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317. Are you blind?
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318. No, we're not blind.
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319. I had no idea.
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320. I didn't know.
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321. Anyway,
I need the Princess
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322. hair so I can put
it on my head.
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323. And then I'll be beautiful.
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324. Oh. Well, we know
lots of Princesses.
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325. Uh, can you, um,
give us a minute?
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326. Yeah, okay.
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327. Dude, I don't think
we should help her.
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328. Why not?
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329. 'Cause she's a witch!
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330. Maybe she's a good witch.
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331. Her?
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332. Are you kidding?
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333. Come on, look at her!
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334. If she was good,
she wouldn't be so ugly.
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335. Are you guys still talking?
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336. So what do we do?
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337. Tell her we can't help
her 'cause she's ugly?
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338. No, man,
she'll kill us
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339. or put a freaky
curse on us or something.
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340. Let me get rid
of her with some
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341. of my world-famous
"smoove" talking.
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342. Hey, sorry about that, girl.
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343. Ahh.
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344. You don't mind if
I take a load off,
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345. do you?
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346. What were you guys
talking about?
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347. How pretty you are.
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348. Huh?
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349. We were just saying
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350. someone as pretty
as you doesn't
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351. even need a
full head of hair.
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352. Isn't that right,
buddy?
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353. Uh, yeah, totally.
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354. Nuh-unh.
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355. Girl, if I didn't
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356. already have a G.F.,
I'd be on
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357. you like butter on toast!
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358. I don't mind if you have a
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359. G.F.
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360. Oh. Um...
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361. Dude, I don't think
it's working.
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362. Yeah, I think I'm
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363. making things worse.
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364. Ah-ha-ha-ha!
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365. Hey.
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366. What?
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367. How would you...
court me?
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368. Um...
Spaghetti dinner?
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369. Hmm.
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370. Look, Lady, we can't
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371. help you get
Princess hair.
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372. Why not?
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373. Because we only help
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374. when someone's in danger.
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375. Oh!
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376. Well, why didn't you say so?
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377. Hey, uh, what's —
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378. Yaaah!
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379. Hey!
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380. There.
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381. Now someone's in danger.
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382. I told you she was evil!
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383. Grrrrrr!
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384. Yaah!
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385. Unh! Oof!
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386. What, you forget I'm a witch?
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387. Maybe.
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388. Well, maybe you
should get me
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389. some Princess
hair so maybe your
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390. friend doesn't
get sucked into
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391. my bottomless bottom!
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392. Nyuh!
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393. Get some Princess hair!
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394. All right, fine!
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395. Wait!
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396. Uh, you —
you can't tell anyone
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397. why you need it.
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398. What? Why?
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399. I don't want
anyone to know I
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400. have a balding problem.
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401. O... kay.
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402. It's Princess Muscles' Castle!
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403. Hi, Finn.
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404. Uh, hey,
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405. Princess Muscles.
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406. What brings you by?
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407. Um, you were the
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408. nearest Princess,
and I need a
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409. lock of your hair.
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410. I understand.
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411. You do?
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412. Mm-hmm.
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413. Aah!
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414. What are you doing?
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415. Trying to give you a hug.
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416. Why?
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417. I want hair, not hug!
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418. Oh. I see.
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419. You want to take things slo-o-o-w.
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420. No!
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421. I — I'm here to save you!
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422. From your hair!
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423. It looks really bad!
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424. Cut it off, quick!
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425. Of course it looks bad.
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426. If I had beautiful,
shiny hair,
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427. no one would look
at my muscles.
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428. Unh! Hwuh!
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429. Come back when
you want to
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430. get serious
about loving me!
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431. I am terrible at
talking to ladies.
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432. Hmm.
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433. Where's a Princess?
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434. Princess?
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435. Princess...
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436. Princess...
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437. Who's that?
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438. It's Lumpy Space Princess.
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439. Does she live in
the woods now?
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440. G-g-get away
from my camp.
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441. I'll cut you!
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442. Hrm.
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443. I'm never gonna
go back home.
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444. Huh.
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445. Wait.
Does she even have hair?
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446. She does!
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447. Well... hair is hair.
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448. Oh, my glob.
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449. What the stuff
are you doing?
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450. Why are you
cutting my lumps?
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451. Because they're, uh...
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452. So —
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453. I knew you liked me.
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454. No! I don't!
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455. I-I'm just stopping
by because —
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456. Just admit it, Lover Boy!
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457. You can't resist me.
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458. Well, if you want
these lumps,
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459. you got to
put a ring on it!
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460. Where's my ring?
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461. Aah!
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462. I knew you liked me, Finn.
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463. That's why
you're running!
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464. Get in touch with
your feelings, babe!
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465. What am I gonna do?
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466. Huh?
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467. A graveyard?
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468. Yes!
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469. There's got to be a hairy
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470. Princess in
there that won't
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471. think I'm
hitting on her!
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472. Princess.
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473. Princess.
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474. Princess?
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475. Ugh! Come on!
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476. Bingo!
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477. "Here lies
Princess Beautiful.
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478. She was so beautiful."
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479. Hey, that's perfect!
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480. And sort of macabre.
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481. Oh, well.
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482. Aha!
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483. Hi, Finn.
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484. Ohh!
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485. What?
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486. What are you —
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487. Please stop.
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488. Where's her hair?
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489. Thanks, Finn.
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490. "Here lies Princess beautiful.
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491. She was so beautiful...
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492. But died of baldness"?
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493. Dang it!
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494. I'm gonna look so beautiful.
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495. Invited to all the parties...
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496. Jake! Jake!
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497. I'm sorry, man.
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498. Getting Princess hair is —
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499. is impossible!
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500. They all just think
I'm in love with them!
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501. Ugh!
I can't do it.
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502. You're gonna have
to spend the
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503. rest of your life in
this witch's butt.
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504. Noooo!
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505. Eh! Quiet down!
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506. I'm daydreaming!
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507. Dude, if they think you
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508. like them,
then use that.
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509. Embrace it!
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510. Find the least
terrible Princess you can,
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511. play her some music,
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512. cook her a meal,
"Smoove" talk
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513. her until she likes you.
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514. And then get the hair!
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515. Wait. You mean like
go on a date?
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516. Marry a Princess
if you need to!
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517. Just get her hair!
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518. Aaaah!
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519. Jake!
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520. Go get the hair!
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521. Okay! Hold on!
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522. Princess Bubblegum!
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523. Hi, Finn!
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524. Uh...
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525. I need you to
come with me!
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526. Why?
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527. I'm watering right now.
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528. Just come on.
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529. We don't have
much time!
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530. What is this, Finn?
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531. We're gonna have
a spaghetti dinner.
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532. Whoa! Really?
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533. Where do we sit?
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534. Dyaaaaaaah!
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535. Um, Finn?
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536. Put your butt here!
Hurry!
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537. Oh.
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538. Hey, Simon,
make it romantic.
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539. Ow!
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540. Here, shove this
in your mouth!
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541. It's hot!
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542. Finn,
I don't understa—
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543. Please, Princess!
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544. Just stick it in
your mouth!
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545. Well, okay.
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546. You're lucky
I love spaghetti!
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547. Um, Princess...
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548. Do you like me?
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549. Finn, of course I like you.
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550. Really?
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551. Yeah!
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552. Yes! Now give me
some of your hair!
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553. Oh, Finn, that's sweet.
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554. Sure, I'll give you
some of my hair.
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555. Here.
Take it, you cutie.
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556. Thank you,
Princess Bubblegum!
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557. My spaghetti!
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558. My cat had kittens,
and I'm
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559. thinking of naming one
"Little Whiner."
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560. What do you think?
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561. Is that a good name?
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562. Totally did it!
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563. Genuine Princess hair.
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564. You hear that, Jake?
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565. Just give it to her already!
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566. All right, Lady,
a deal is a deal.
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567. Ahh!
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568. This isn't hair!
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569. It's Bubblegum!
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570. What?
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571. It is Bubblegum!
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572. Well, I guess you failed.
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573. Say goodbye to your dog.
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574. Aaaah!
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575. Wait!
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576. What?
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577. If I learned anything today,
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578. it's that I'm awesome at
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579. talking to ladies!
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580. And, Lady,
you are crazy ugly!
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581. Wha-a-a-t?
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582. Dude!
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583. Having beautiful hair
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584. isn't gonna get
you anywhere,
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585. because you're ugly,
inside and out —
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586. So ugly I want
to throw up.
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587. Dude!
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588. No one will ever find
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589. you beautiful, ever!
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590. And it's got
nothing to do with
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591. the ol' chrome dome.
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592. It has to do with
what's in here.
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593. Can you get off
my friend now?
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594. D-u-u-ude.
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595. He's right.
Huh?
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596. Well, don't get me wrong.
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597. I know I'm ugly.
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598. And evil.
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599. But I thought if
I had some beautiful hair,
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600. I could learn
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601. how to love myself.
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602. Gee.
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603. I feel kind of bad.
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604. I don't.
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605. Hey, witch!
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606. Does it have to
be Princess hair?
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607. No.
Just beautiful hair.
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608. Well, then,
check this out!
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609. Ha ha-a-a-a-a-a!
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610. You'd really give
me your hair?
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611. Sure!
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612. So...
how do I look?
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613. Totally beautiful,
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614. inside and out!
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615. Thank you, Finn.
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616. And now to use my
hair for evil.
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617. What?
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618. 'Cause I'm evil!
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619. What did you
want from me?
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620. Ohh —
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621. Oh, no.
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622. I think I
fractured a branch.
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