1. I've called every town,
business and bus stopCopy !req
2. within 100 miles of Lake Lachrymose,
and no one has seen the Baudelaires.Copy !req
3. I'm finished, Eleanora!Copy !req
4. If I hadn't lost those orphans,
I'd be getting a promotion right now.Copy !req
5. Mr. Tamerlane is gonna fire me
at any time.Copy !req
6. That's him! Pick it up!
No, don't pick it up!Copy !req
7. Answer it! Hang up!Copy !req
8. - No! Yes! No—Copy !req
9. Get a hold of yourself!Copy !req
10. Poe speaking.Copy !req
11. Poe, this is Tamerlane.Copy !req
12. I've received orders
that I can't let you go.Copy !req
13. But if you don't find those orphans,
I'll make sure you end upCopy !req
14. handing out cannoli to incontinent adults
on the new accounts desk.Copy !req
15. - Am I clear?
- Yes, Mr. Tamerlane, yes.Copy !req
16. Take it off.Copy !req
17. - No.
- Take it off.Copy !req
18. No!Copy !req
19. No, please.Copy !req
20. No, don't make... No.Copy !req
21. Call me when you've found those orphans.Copy !req
22. Leave it to me, Artie.Copy !req
23. Before I was editor in chief
of the Daily Punctilio,Copy !req
24. I cut my teeth
as an investigative journalist.Copy !req
25. Oh.Copy !req
26. It's time I got back to my roots.Copy !req
27. "Seeing in black and white"Copy !req
28. is a way of saying
that a person looks at the worldCopy !req
29. in a manner that is oversimplified
and often incorrect.Copy !req
30. Like many newspapers, the Daily Punctilio
is printed in black and white,Copy !req
31. and its look at the world
is oversimplified and often incorrect.Copy !req
32. The death of noted scientist
Dr. Montgomery MontgomeryCopy !req
33. was not due to snake allergies.Copy !req
34. The destruction
of Josephine Anwhistle's homeCopy !req
35. was not the work
of a cabal of real estate agents.Copy !req
36. Lemony Snicket is not dead.Copy !req
37. I am sorry to say
that there was not a terrible accidentCopy !req
38. at the Lucky Smells Lumbermill
during the Baudelaires' time there.Copy !req
39. There were two.Copy !req
40. It is my duty
to report these events correctly,Copy !req
41. the way they actually happened.Copy !req
42. But if you prefer to look at the world
in black and white,Copy !req
43. then you should avert your eyes
or pick up a newspaper instead.Copy !req
44. Because I know the shocking truth
behind the accidentsCopy !req
45. at the Lucky Smells Lumbermill,
and I can assure you...Copy !req
46. it's better if you can't see.Copy !req
47. - Thank you. I can see.
Well, of course you can.Copy !req
48. I'm an excellent optometrist,
no matter what the medical board says.Copy !req
49. Well, hello, little girls.
What are your names?Copy !req
50. You know our names, and that wig
and that lipstick don't fool us.Copy !req
51. I don't know
what you're talking about.Copy !req
52. I'm Dr. Orwell's receptionist.
My name is Shirley.Copy !req
53. - You mean Shirley Count Olaf?
- Actually, my last name is St. Ives.Copy !req
54. It says so on my name tag, see?Copy !req
55. - What have you done to Klaus?
You were right.Copy !req
56. These children are horribly impolite.Copy !req
57. They really should be more careful,
Dr. Orwell.Copy !req
58. If they were to do something impolite
to me, like, for example,Copy !req
59. call me by the wrong name,Copy !req
60. I would have to do something
impolite to them,Copy !req
61. like, for example,
tear their hair out with my bare hands.Copy !req
62. Cookie?Copy !req
63. What's all this?Copy !req
64. I don't pay you in gum
to stand around gabbing!Copy !req
65. Oh, hello, children.Copy !req
66. I hope you're having a nice visit
with the optometrist.Copy !req
67. Charles, you have to listen.
This woman is a notorious villain.Copy !req
68. - And she's not a woman.
Nonsense!Copy !req
69. Dr. Orwell has provided free eye exams
to Lucky Smells employees for years.Copy !req
70. And there's nothing villainous
about free healthcare.Copy !req
71. Clearly she's a woman.
Look at her pantsuit.Copy !req
72. I'm surprised at you, Baudelaires.Copy !req
73. Women can be doctors
just as men can be receptionists.Copy !req
74. I'm talking about the receptionist.Copy !req
75. Hi, I'm Cookie. Shirley?Copy !req
76. I'm Shirley. Cookie?
- Don't mind if I do.Copy !req
77. Did you consider our little proposal?Copy !req
78. - What proposal?
It doesn't concern you, Charles.Copy !req
79. Doesn't concern me? I'm your partner.Copy !req
80. I... I haven't seen you in my chair.Copy !req
81. - I have excellent vision.
- Well, vision changes.Copy !req
82. Just as I suspected. Cloudy, dull.Copy !req
83. - What color is this newspaper?
- Hmm, black and white?Copy !req
84. And color-blind, too.
You must come see me right away.Copy !req
85. Can't have a cloudy, dull-eyed partner.
How would you make my omelets?Copy !req
86. Now, ladies, would you like a ride?Copy !req
87. Handsome and a gentleman.Copy !req
88. Pleasure.Copy !req
89. - Let's go, Charles.Copy !req
90. What a nice lady.Copy !req
91. Lucky Smells visiting hours are over.Copy !req
92. - Get back to work!Copy !req
93. - Yes, sir.Copy !req
94. Lucky boy,Copy !req
95. would you like to turn on
the stamping machine?Copy !req
96. Yes, sir.Copy !req
97. Klaus?Copy !req
98. I wish I knew.Copy !req
99. There's nothing to worry about.Copy !req
100. Your brother is smiling.Copy !req
101. He would never operate a machine
without reading the manual first.Copy !req
102. He's operating it perfectly.Copy !req
103. You're doing great, Klaus!Copy !req
104. Move as fast as you can
and then move faster!Copy !req
105. Count Olaf and Dr. Orwell
did something to Klaus.Copy !req
106. He's not himself.Copy !req
107. One moment he's normal, and the next...
he's like a zombie.Copy !req
108. I saw a scary movie like that once.Copy !req
109. Was it Zombies in the Snow?Copy !req
110. What? No.
It was Hypnotists in the Forest.Copy !req
111. To be honest with you,
I didn't really get it.Copy !req
112. But I loved the fact
that it was in black and white.Copy !req
113. Focus, lumber minions!Copy !req
114. Did you just say "hypnotists"?Copy !req
115. Cheer up. I'm sure that if you look
on the bright side...Copy !req
116. Look on your right side!Copy !req
117. - Get out of the way!Copy !req
118. Code red! Code red!Copy !req
119. Get out of the way!Copy !req
120. Whoa!Copy !req
121. - Ah!Copy !req
122. - They won't stop coming, Dolores.Copy !req
123. They're like zombies, only different.Copy !req
124. I'm afraid they've been...Copy !req
125. hypnotized.Copy !req
126. Many people think hypnosis
is only in scary movies.Copy !req
127. Dolores, avert your eyes!Copy !req
128. - But, Dolores, no!Copy !req
129. Those people are wrong.Copy !req
130. The Encyclopedia Hypnotica
tells of a woman who,Copy !req
131. whenever she'd hear the word "omelet,"
would cluck like a chicken.Copy !req
132. - What are you doing?Copy !req
133. And a man who,
upon hearing the word "Nero,"Copy !req
134. could suddenly play an instrument
he'd never studied.Copy !req
135. Dolores, put down that violin!Copy !req
136. The Encyclopedia Hypnotica
does not mention the fatal accidentCopy !req
137. that happened during the Baudelaires' time
at Lucky Smells Lumbermill.Copy !req
138. "Fatal" is a word here which means
"caused the death of one person who...Copy !req
139. it is my solemn duty to inform you...Copy !req
140. was not Phil."Copy !req
141. We're here for you, Phil.
Come on.Copy !req
142. - You're gonna be all right.
- Bear down now, Phil.Copy !req
143. I'm okay!Copy !req
144. Code red! Code red! Code red!Copy !req
145. - Code red! Code red!
What's going on out there?Copy !req
146. - Code red!Copy !req
147. It's too heavy! It won't budge!Copy !req
148. I was saving that for later.Copy !req
149. - Oh!
- Oh, boy!Copy !req
150. Half-price pedicures for life!Copy !req
151. If somebody can help me up to my foot,Copy !req
152. I'm pretty sure I'll be able
to get back to work.Copy !req
153. You need to go to a hospital.Copy !req
154. We earned those coupons last month.
50% off Ahab Memorial.Copy !req
155. Uh, two of us will chip in.Copy !req
156. - We'll get your leg fixed up.
- It can't be fixed.Copy !req
157. Oh! I wouldn't say that.Copy !req
158. I mean, Phil's leg
is going to need some...Copy !req
159. eh... help.Copy !req
160. But, uh, we're fortunate that, uh,
the damage wasn't worse.Copy !req
161. Wasn't worse?
The debarker dispenser is destroyed.Copy !req
162. - Who's responsible?
- Klaus Baudelaire caused the accident.Copy !req
163. He said he knew
how to operate heavy machinery.Copy !req
164. - That's not true.
- Well, now I know that.Copy !req
165. I meant it was a mistake.Copy !req
166. Excuses, excuses.
Just like your parents.Copy !req
167. They burnt down the town,Copy !req
168. and now you've come back
to finish the job.Copy !req
169. Sir, be reasonable.Copy !req
170. Perhaps we should reevaluate
our safety procedures.Copy !req
171. Or perhaps we shouldn't let children
near dangerous machines.Copy !req
172. I got a better solution.Copy !req
173. One more mistake, Baudelaires,
and I'm gonna send you awayCopy !req
174. to a place where you'll learn
the value of discipline and child labor.Copy !req
175. As it happens,
I have just the place in mind.Copy !req
176. Now get back to work!Copy !req
177. This mistake has cost me
an inordinate amount of money.Copy !req
178. It was an accident.
Klaus didn't mean to hurt Phil. I know it.Copy !req
179. I'm sorry. When Sir gets like this,
there's nothing I can do.Copy !req
180. So you're just gonna do nothing?Copy !req
181. If you can't speak up for us,
at least speak up for yourself.Copy !req
182. You're right, my dear.
I've been a silent partner for too long.Copy !req
183. And this mill...
it has too many secrets.Copy !req
184. It's time you learnt one
about your parents.Copy !req
185. Charles?Copy !req
186. - Meet me after lunch in the library.
- You can't tell us now?Copy !req
187. Well, I would,
but I've got an appointment.Copy !req
188. I don't understand.Copy !req
189. Everyone is staring at me
like I'm a pariah.Copy !req
190. "Pariah" means "outcast."Copy !req
191. Klaus, it's you.Copy !req
192. - What happened to Phil?
I'm okay.Copy !req
193. We need to talk.Copy !req
194. If the world ever feels confusing,Copy !req
195. as if people are having secret meetings
to plot against you behind your back,Copy !req
196. it's useful to know they are.Copy !req
197. And the odd behavior of Klaus BaudelaireCopy !req
198. could be traced to a secret meeting
that happened not long afterCopy !req
199. the Baudelaires arrived
at Lucky Smells Lumbermill.Copy !req
200. Like most things from the past,
it's best seen...Copy !req
201. in black and white.Copy !req
202. We have a good deal, you and I.Copy !req
203. You provide a steady stream of employees
for me to practice my craft,Copy !req
204. and I send them back
after I've fixed how they see.Copy !req
205. Frankly, I never thought weekly eye examsCopy !req
206. would have such an impact
on employee morale.Copy !req
207. Oops! I dropped a pen on the floor.
Would you mind helping me look for it?Copy !req
208. Does he really not know
how you make his workers so compliant?Copy !req
209. - Doesn't know, doesn't want to know.Copy !req
210. He gets free labor,
we split the profits 50-50.Copy !req
211. You're terrible, and I love it.Copy !req
212. Found it.Copy !req
213. You said you had some business to discuss.Copy !req
214. Actually, my receptionist
has a story to share.Copy !req
215. It's okay, Shirley.Copy !req
216. My name is Shirley.Copy !req
217. I'm a poor receptionist
who lives all aloneCopy !req
218. and wants very much
to raise children of her own.Copy !req
219. Alas, the helter-skelter life
of a working girlCopy !req
220. has left me no time to find a partner,Copy !req
221. and the cruel reality
of adoption economicsCopy !req
222. has left me unable to purchase
even the runtiest of orphans.Copy !req
223. And so I wait and work...
and grow old dreaming of children.Copy !req
224. Three of them to be precise.Copy !req
225. A bucktoothed baby,
a smarty-pants little boyCopy !req
226. and a girl with an enormous fortune.Copy !req
227. Uh, uh... bank account. Uh, uh...Copy !req
228. heart.Copy !req
229. Thank you.Copy !req
230. It's a moving story.Copy !req
231. And frankly,
it's a coincident that defies belief.Copy !req
232. But a trio of orphans
with those exact qualitiesCopy !req
233. arrived at the mill just yesterday.Copy !req
234. - I'll take them.
- Excuse me?Copy !req
235. I mean, don't you want to see
those children in a loving home?Copy !req
236. Absolutely not.Copy !req
237. Beg your pardon?Copy !req
238. They're an economic bonanza.Copy !req
239. They do the work of an adult
for half the gum.Copy !req
240. What kind of a businessman would I be
to part with them?Copy !req
241. What would make you part with them?Copy !req
242. I suppose if they became costly.Copy !req
243. What might make them costly?Copy !req
244. They made a...
costly mistake.Copy !req
245. - Like a fatal accident?
- A bit drastic, but—Copy !req
246. Deal! Oops! Dropped another pen.Copy !req
247. Did you hear that?Copy !req
248. All we have to do is get
one of those brats to murder someone.Copy !req
249. Oh, they'll never do that.
They're total goody two-shoes.Copy !req
250. You so underestimate me.Copy !req
251. Hmm, I smell an evil plan.Copy !req
252. Thank you so much
for your time, Sir.Copy !req
253. I can't believe it.Copy !req
254. It does sound like something
from a scary movie.Copy !req
255. I believe that part.Copy !req
256. I read the Encyclopedia Hypnotica
last year.Copy !req
257. I can't believe I hurt Phil.Copy !req
258. And I almost hurt you, Sunny.Copy !req
259. I didn't mean to.Copy !req
260. Charles will be back soon.
He wants to help us.Copy !req
261. No.Copy !req
262. If Dr. Orwell did something to my brain,
I have to fix it.Copy !req
263. You can't go back there.
It's too dangerous.Copy !req
264. I don't care. I have to know.Copy !req
265. What if you get hurt?Copy !req
266. What if I cause another accident
and hurt more people?Copy !req
267. You're the one that wanted to stay here.Copy !req
268. You wanted to find out
what our parents were doing in this town.Copy !req
269. And I'm sorry I put us in danger.Copy !req
270. I don't know why they blame our parents
for the fire, and I don't care anymore.Copy !req
271. I just want you to be safe.
Count Olaf is here.Copy !req
272. - We have to leave.
- And we will.Copy !req
273. When I get back from Dr. Orwell's.Copy !req
274. What's that thing Samuel Beckett said?Copy !req
275. "I can't go on. I'll go on."Copy !req
276. Let's go on. Together.Copy !req
277. Was it fatal?Copy !req
278. Just a leg?
Call me when there's a real maiming.Copy !req
279. And don't take your eyes
off those orphans!Copy !req
280. - Well, this one's too easy.Copy !req
281. There's just no challenge
when they love taking orders.Copy !req
282. Those are covered in eye junk.
Order me a new box of gloves.Copy !req
283. Do I look like your receptionist?Copy !req
284. Yes, now act like one.Copy !req
285. You wouldn't have the Baudelaires at all
if it weren't for me.Copy !req
286. I don't have them.Copy !req
287. You were supposed to hypnotize
the bookwormCopy !req
288. into causing a fatal accident.Copy !req
289. Don't blame me for that.
I'm running a businessCopy !req
290. while you're running around
wearing my clothes.Copy !req
291. How quickly we fall into old routines.Copy !req
292. Perhaps some old flames
are better snuffed out.Copy !req
293. Oh, Georgina...Copy !req
294. you little minx.Copy !req
295. You have lipstick on your teeth.Copy !req
296. Yes, it's part of my character.Copy !req
297. I'm so sorry to keep you waiting.Copy !req
298. Partner trouble.
But you'd know all about that, Charles.Copy !req
299. Yes, sir.Copy !req
300. She has Charles.Copy !req
301. Now, Charles,
would you like to look at the screenCopy !req
302. and tell me what you see?Copy !req
303. - Orphans.
- Dangerous orphans.Copy !req
304. Charles, don't you think
your partner and youCopy !req
305. would be a lot happier
without these orphans around?Copy !req
306. We could finally be happy
without those orphans around.Copy !req
307. She's hypnotizing him.Copy !req
308. You will awaken from your trance
when I say the word—Copy !req
309. Charles...Copy !req
310. would you like to do
your impersonation of a chicken?Copy !req
311. - I told you to wait in the waiting room.Copy !req
312. Did you? I must've forgot.
Mmm.Copy !req
313. - Charles, would you like to stop?Copy !req
314. - That's Shirley?
- We should go before she sees us.Copy !req
315. Wait.Copy !req
316. I really wanna practice
saying the secret words.Copy !req
317. Why? So you could take over
and you wouldn't need me anymore?Copy !req
318. Someone has trust issues.
- Of course I do. I dated you!Copy !req
319. - Secret words?Copy !req
320. According to the Encyclopedia Hypnotica,Copy !req
321. a hypnotist chooses one word
to induce hypnotic suggestion,Copy !req
322. like "Nero" or... or "omelet,"Copy !req
323. and another one to break it.Copy !req
324. Charles, would you tell Dr. Orwell
to please stop bringing up the past?Copy !req
325. Stop bringing up the past.Copy !req
326. Charles, would you tell Count Olaf
to stop talking in that voice?Copy !req
327. Stop talking in that voice.Copy !req
328. You drank all of my wine.
- You poisoned my coffee.Copy !req
329. - You tried to hypnotize me!
- It was the only way to shut you up!Copy !req
330. - What was that?Copy !req
331. There's nothing up there.Copy !req
332. If there's nothing up there,
then what was that noise?Copy !req
333. Sorry about that.Copy !req
334. We all have skeletons in our closet,
metaphorically,Copy !req
335. meaning things from our past
we'd prefer not leave lying aroundCopy !req
336. because they are painful or incriminating
or would create unnecessary clutter.Copy !req
337. In my closet, I keep a 200-page book
written by the woman I loved,Copy !req
338. explaining at great length
and in specific detailCopy !req
339. the reason she could not marry me,Copy !req
340. which, if I were to leave out in the open,
I would find myself reading over and over.Copy !req
341. It would be as if my darling BeatriceCopy !req
342. were bringing me bad news every day
and every night of my life.Copy !req
343. Unless you are a murderer
or a taxidermist,Copy !req
344. it is rare to have actual skeletons
in your closet,Copy !req
345. as opposed to metaphorical ones.Copy !req
346. But as Klaus had just discovered...Copy !req
347. Dr. Orwell's closet...Copy !req
348. had both.Copy !req
349. Nothing to be frightened of.Copy !req
350. I'm sure many doctors have skeletons
to study anatomy.Copy !req
351. I suppose they could keep them in closets.Copy !req
352. But Dr. Orwell's an eye doctor.
Skeletons don't even have eyes.Copy !req
353. Look.Copy !req
354. - What are those?
- Records.Copy !req
355. Not that type of record, Sunny.
Medical records.Copy !req
356. For employee eye exams.Copy !req
357. I don't think Charles and I were
the only victims of Dr. Orwell's hypnosis.Copy !req
358. I think it's the entire mill.Copy !req
359. That's why they never leaveCopy !req
360. and why they're happy
to work for coupons and gum.Copy !req
361. It's probably why they think
our parents started that fire.Copy !req
362. We need to figure out the word
that breaks the trance.Copy !req
363. - We can use the library.
- We might not need the library.Copy !req
364. Are you sure you're not still hypnotized?Copy !req
365. After Phil's accident,Copy !req
366. do you remember the word
that brought me back to normal?Copy !req
367. I can't remember.Copy !req
368. We don't have to go back.
We can run away.Copy !req
369. - What if Count Olaf finds us again?
- We'll protect each other.Copy !req
370. How will we protect each other
if one of us is under a hypnotic trance?Copy !req
371. And we'd be abandoning those workers.
They're victims of Dr. Orwell, too.Copy !req
372. Our parents wanted us to be safe.Copy !req
373. We don't know what they wanted.
Not anymore.Copy !req
374. We don't know
why they were in Paltryville.Copy !req
375. We don't know why there were
so many things they never told us.Copy !req
376. But we do know
how we remember them.Copy !req
377. And the parents I remember
would've wanted us to help.Copy !req
378. Then we go back.Copy !req
379. Trying to run away, are ya?Copy !req
380. I'm not an idiot.Copy !req
381. I've been trying to figure out
what to do with youCopy !req
382. since you caused that accident
that crushed a man's debarker dispenser.Copy !req
383. That glib attitude will get you nowhere.Copy !req
384. Now, you wanna hear the good news
or the bad news first?Copy !req
385. The... the bad news.Copy !req
386. There's a local receptionist
who wants children of her own.Copy !req
387. You make one more mistake,Copy !req
388. and I'm gonna be forced to sack you
and send you to live with her.Copy !req
389. I've interviewed her
about her parenting methods, and...Copy !req
390. I can vouch for her fully.Copy !req
391. You can't send us to live with Shirley.Copy !req
392. And Klaus isn't responsible
for that accident.Copy !req
393. - He was hypno—Copy !req
394. - He was hyp—Copy !req
395. He was hypnotized,
just like the rest of the workers here!Copy !req
396. I don't care
what my employees do for a hobby.Copy !req
397. Do you even know
what's going at this mill?Copy !req
398. Are you aware of anything
outside that horrible cloud of smoke?Copy !req
399. "Don't ask, don't tell." That's my motto.Copy !req
400. Now is there anything else?Copy !req
401. What's the good news?Copy !req
402. It will build character.Copy !req
403. I was willing to forgive the accident.Copy !req
404. You three are an economic bonanza,
and I'm a softie at heart.Copy !req
405. But my partner convinced me that
I need to be a little more inflexible.Copy !req
406. Isn't that right, Charles?Copy !req
407. We'll finally be happy
without those orphans around.Copy !req
408. "It'll build character."Copy !req
409. That's just something people sayCopy !req
410. when they're trying to make others
accept a miserable situation.Copy !req
411. It is miserable.Copy !req
412. If we can't find the word
to break your hypnosis,Copy !req
413. you could cause another accident
and we'd be in the hands of Count Olaf.Copy !req
414. You mean Shirley.Copy !req
415. - He looks like Father...
- When he went...Copy !req
416. To the masquerade ball.Copy !req
417. I don't want you to go away again.Copy !req
418. It seems darker in here
without Phil to find the bright side.Copy !req
419. It seems darker 'cause it is.Copy !req
420. Sir won't let us keep the lights on.Copy !req
421. He says we need to cut corners
to pay for a new debarker dispenser.Copy !req
422. I'm surprised they can show their faces
after what they did to Phil.Copy !req
423. It's not your fault.Copy !req
424. You're right. It's Count Olaf's.Copy !req
425. They're a wretched pair of villains,
and they deserve each other.Copy !req
426. They deserve to be locked away
for a very long time.Copy !req
427. But for that to happen,Copy !req
428. we have to find the word
that wakes everyone up.Copy !req
429. So what do we do?Copy !req
430. Say a bunch of words out loud
and hope one of them works?Copy !req
431. Maybe this can help.Copy !req
432. "Aardvark."Copy !req
433. "Abacus."Copy !req
434. Shh!Copy !req
435. "Aberrant."Copy !req
436. You're waking everyone up.Copy !req
437. There has to be a better way.Copy !req
438. Lucky boy...
would you like to get to work?Copy !req
439. Things look bad.Copy !req
440. Sometimes when things look bad,
they turn out to be worse.Copy !req
441. There are fires all around us,
literally and figuratively.Copy !req
442. Then it's time we mount
a vigorous fire defense.Copy !req
443. Why do they keep talking about fire?Copy !req
444. I know, right?
- We can hear you back there.Copy !req
445. If you'd gone to my school,
you would have flunked eavesdropping.Copy !req
446. What kind of school teaches eavesdropping?Copy !req
447. Come on, children. It's past your bedtime.Copy !req
448. - We've got a big day tomorrow.
- What's tomorrow?Copy !req
449. It's a secret.Copy !req
450. You've been fortunate so far,
you little twerp.Copy !req
451. But not anymore.Copy !req
452. Yeah, you tell 'em, boss.Copy !req
453. One more accident, and you're mine.Copy !req
454. And this will be the worst accident
the lumbermill has ever seen.Copy !req
455. Now, you lucky brat,Copy !req
456. would you like to send that log
into that saw?Copy !req
457. - Yes, sir.
- Klaus, don't do it!Copy !req
458. Well, well, well.
If it isn't... the other two.Copy !req
459. You're just in time to see the accident.Copy !req
460. It's not an accident.
You're doing this on purpose!Copy !req
461. Let's not split hairs. That's Klaus' job.Copy !req
462. And you can shout as much as you want.
Your brother isn't here right now.Copy !req
463. Poor little orphan.Copy !req
464. Haven't you learned anything this year?Copy !req
465. Week? Season?Copy !req
466. Wherever you go, I will be waiting.Copy !req
467. Wherever you hide, I will hunt you down.Copy !req
468. I'm smarter. I'm pluckier.Copy !req
469. I'm stronger.Copy !req
470. Put some lower back into it!Copy !req
471. I'm unstoppable!Copy !req
472. Why do you hate us so much?Copy !req
473. Because it's fun.Copy !req
474. How are you doing back there, Charles?Copy !req
475. Oh! Just peachy!Copy !req
476. Wait till Sir finds out that his partner's
been turned into human boards.Copy !req
477. I bet he won't even wait
until the morning to fire...Copy !req
478. Where am I?Copy !req
479. What's going on?Copy !req
480. Oh, dear! Oh, dear!
Oh, dear! Oh, dear!Copy !req
481. Fire! The secret word is "fire."Copy !req
482. Klaus, fire! Turn off the machine!Copy !req
483. Nice try.Copy !req
484. But did you really think
we'd use the same wordCopy !req
485. on your bratty brother
that we used on the mill workers?Copy !req
486. You will never find the word
to save your brother.Copy !req
487. And you certainly won't find it
in time to save Charles.Copy !req
488. Help me! Help me!Copy !req
489. Sorry, Charlie.
No one's coming to help you now.Copy !req
490. Help me!Copy !req
491. Where did the girl go?Copy !req
492. Perhaps you've been told
never to shout "fire" in a public place.Copy !req
493. When you shout "fire" and there isn't one,
it can cause chaos.Copy !req
494. Of course, when you shout "fire"
and there is one,Copy !req
495. it can cause chaos but also save lives.Copy !req
496. Still, there are times when shouting
"fire" can save livesCopy !req
497. even when there isn't one.Copy !req
498. For example, you may be trapped
in a motel room...Copy !req
499. with your enemies waiting outside.Copy !req
500. Shouting "fire"
will cause the kind of chaosCopy !req
501. that will allow you to escape undetected.Copy !req
502. Therefore, the life it saves
will be your own.Copy !req
503. Fire! Fire!Copy !req
504. Fire! Fire!Copy !req
505. Fire! Fire!
- Where am I?Copy !req
506. If you're in a town where
the workers have been warnedCopy !req
507. never to talk about a terrible fire,
not because it was too terrible...Copy !req
508. Why does my mouth taste like gum?Copy !req
509. because the word "fire"Copy !req
510. would awaken them from a state
of complacency induced by hypnosis,Copy !req
511. shouting "fire" would cause chaos
and save lives.Copy !req
512. Of course, there is the single most
important time to shout "fire,"Copy !req
513. and that is when there is one.Copy !req
514. Sometimes, even shouting "fire"
cannot save every life.Copy !req
515. Get 'em!Copy !req
516. What have you done?Copy !req
517. Shut the door!Copy !req
518. Help me! Help me!Copy !req
519. Open up! We want answers!Copy !req
520. Thank you, thank you!Copy !req
521. Lucky, would you like to cut
the log faster?Copy !req
522. Lucky, would you like to reverse
the direction of the log?Copy !req
523. - Lucky, push that lever forward!
- Lucky, pull the lever backward!Copy !req
524. Lucky, push!Copy !req
525. - Lucky, pull!
Lucky!Copy !req
526. Don't listen to your sister.Copy !req
527. Hey, why didn't you think of that?Copy !req
528. I just stopped by to see if everything
was running smoothly, and I'm glad I did.Copy !req
529. - Because it wasn't.
- Ah!Copy !req
530. How did you even get inside?
There's an angry mob at the door.Copy !req
531. You're right.
I don't trust you with all my secrets.Copy !req
532. Oh, oh, oh!Copy !req
533. You know, they say holding a babyCopy !req
534. can make all these deep,
primal parenting instincts kick in.Copy !req
535. - I don't see it.
- Sunny!Copy !req
536. Shh!Copy !req
537. Lucky... would you like to send
that log into that saw?Copy !req
538. Yes, sir.Copy !req
539. We want fair wages!Copy !req
540. You think you're so superior,Copy !req
541. with your fancy optometry degree
and weird hypnosis thing.Copy !req
542. Well, I don't need a partner.
I was better off alone,Copy !req
543. where my plots were simple
and straightforwardCopy !req
544. and didn't involve any high-concept
science fiction gimmicks.Copy !req
545. Are you breaking up with me again?Copy !req
546. No, I'm breaking up with you...
again!Copy !req
547. You're being insensitive.Copy !req
548. - You're being inor—
- Oh, don't say the word!Copy !req
549. - Inordinate.
- An inordinate...Copy !req
550. Inordinate! Klaus, inordinate!Copy !req
551. Now he's unhypnotized.Copy !req
552. How in the world does a child
know a word like "inordinate"?Copy !req
553. These brats know all kind of words.
They're book addicts.Copy !req
554. But there is still time to cause
an accident and get their fortune!Copy !req
555. Oh, no, you can't.Copy !req
556. Now put my sister down.Copy !req
557. Yes, you may have saved Charles,Copy !req
558. but there will still be a fatal accident
at the lumbermill tonight.Copy !req
559. - Oh, there you are.Copy !req
560. If you want our fortune, you can have it.
Just leave Sunny alone!Copy !req
561. You think you're so clever,
but you only see in black and white.Copy !req
562. Just like your parents.
They were shortsighted, too.Copy !req
563. With their, "You can't hypnotize people!"
And, "What about free will?"Copy !req
564. And, "We're going to kick you out
and have your license revoked,Copy !req
565. and if we ever have children,Copy !req
566. we're never gonna let you
anywhere near them!"Copy !req
567. Well, I showed them!Copy !req
568. I don't think I can hold them off
much longer, boss!Copy !req
569. I'll show everyone!
It was never about the fortune.Copy !req
570. - It's about—
- Ah!Copy !req
571. Sometimes when we are startled
by a loud noise or an angry mobCopy !req
572. looking to confront their hypnotist,
we take a step back.Copy !req
573. Dr. Orwell was right.Copy !req
574. There was a fatal accident
at the Lucky Smells Lumbermill that night.Copy !req
575. How can anyone run in these things?Copy !req
576. - Sorry about the doc, boss.
- Are you kidding? I'm a free man.Copy !req
577. I am never taking a partner again.
From now on, Count Olaf works alone!Copy !req
578. Can I get a boost?Copy !req
579. Oh, careful, careful.Copy !req
580. Come on!Copy !req
581. You ripped my hem!Copy !req
582. I don't recall assigning a night shift!Copy !req
583. But I fully approve.Copy !req
584. Keep this up and you'll earn
your dorm lights back in no time.Copy !req
585. - What do we want?
Freedom!Copy !req
586. Hey. Hey, wait. Hey! Hey!Copy !req
587. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!Copy !req
588. Oh, excuse me. Excuse me.Copy !req
589. Cheese.
Oh!Copy !req
590. Hypnosis, child labor,
Count Olaf in a dress!Copy !req
591. You children
certainly have lively imaginations.Copy !req
592. But a lumbermill is no substitute
for a proper guardian.Copy !req
593. You're fortunate that my wife
is such a great investigative journalist.Copy !req
594. How did she find us?Copy !req
595. I heard there was an accident
at the lumbermill,Copy !req
596. so I came right away.Copy !req
597. So you found us by accident?Copy !req
598. - Exactly.
You're fantastic!Copy !req
599. I had to! Trust your instincts.Copy !req
600. - Every time. Every...
- Absolutely.Copy !req
601. We never found out what caused that fire.Copy !req
602. We know it wasn't our parents.Copy !req
603. We don't know if Count Olaf
will turn up again.Copy !req
604. We know Dr. Orwell won't.Copy !req
605. We never solved the mystery
of this photograph.Copy !req
606. Oh! Baudelaires...Copy !req
607. I want to thank you for saving my life.Copy !req
608. Because of your quick thinking,
I only have a small cut on my foot.Copy !req
609. You certainly are clever children.Copy !req
610. - Are you leaving Paltryville?
- I'm gonna search for Sir.Copy !req
611. He may not have been a good partner,
or a good boss...Copy !req
612. or a good person...Copy !req
613. but someday you'll learn
things aren't always black and white.Copy !req
614. Ooh, that reminds me.Copy !req
615. I thought you should see this.Copy !req
616. Well, tallyho!Copy !req
617. "Chapter 12. The Paltryville Fire."Copy !req
618. It's a page from Sir's book.Copy !req
619. "The Baudelaires
were unequivocally responsible..."Copy !req
620. "... for putting out the fire and helping
the survivors get back on their feet."Copy !req
621. Look on the bright side.Copy !req
622. You're alive!Copy !req
623. Officer.Copy !req
624. I think you children
will have a good home here.Copy !req
625. I hope so anyway,
because I've just received a promotion.Copy !req
626. Vice President of Orphan Affairs.Copy !req
627. Which means I'll be too busy
to check in on you orphans.Copy !req
628. What's our new guardian's name?Copy !req
629. Guardian? Oh, no. Good God, no.Copy !req
630. I couldn't find a single one
willing to take you in.Copy !req
631. Not after what happened
to the last three. Uh, two.Copy !req
632. No, four.Copy !req
633. Oh, no, children,
you're going to boarding school.Copy !req
634. It's the end of the season,
um, semester,Copy !req
635. so you're gonna have to work
very hard to catch up.Copy !req
636. It won't be easy,
but I promise you it will build character.Copy !req
637. Here's a fun bit of trivia.Copy !req
638. The architect who built this school
was severely depressed.Copy !req
639. I always wanted to go to boarding school.Copy !req
640. Rules, traditions...Copy !req
641. Why, I'd give every last suit
just to wear a uniform.Copy !req
642. The office is over there.
You can wait on that bench.Copy !req
643. You're not coming with us?Copy !req
644. Oh, this has already taken up
much too long already.Copy !req
645. Banking hours.Copy !req
646. Um...Copy !req
647. I do want you children to know...Copy !req
648. I hope you find comfort here.Copy !req
649. Um, this came to the bank for you.
I assume it's junk mail.Copy !req
650. I can't imagine that you know
anyone in South America,Copy !req
651. or why the return address
is from my secretary.Copy !req
652. Um...Copy !req
653. So long, Baudelaires.Copy !req
654. The statue woman said she'd get it back.
Do you think she'll find us again?Copy !req
655. Klaus... we're on our own.Copy !req
656. In a world
both frightening and unlucky,Copy !req
657. there are a few comforts.Copy !req
658. One of them is making new friends.Copy !req
659. Friends can make you feel the world
is smaller and safer than it really is,Copy !req
660. because you know people
who have similar experiences.Copy !req
661. When you meet people like that,Copy !req
662. you may find your world
feels a little more complete.Copy !req
663. Like the missing piece of a puzzle...Copy !req
664. or two halves of a broken spyglass.Copy !req
665. Click.Copy !req
666. - Mmm, that's nice.Copy !req