1. It's a catastrophe! It's unprecedented!Copy !req
2. It's off-book! It's unfortunate!Copy !req
3. The Baudelaires are lost
and unsupervised!Copy !req
4. Do you know what that means?Copy !req
5. - Without supervision?
- Good God, man, you're right!Copy !req
6. We must act now.
We must act without delay.Copy !req
7. We...Copy !req
8. need...Copy !req
9. We need...Copy !req
10. Oh!Copy !req
11. Oh, my.Copy !req
12. Oh, my. This is excellent chowder.Copy !req
13. Mmm, mmm. Good.Copy !req
14. Oh, God...Copy !req
15. I hope Mr. Poe isn't too worried about us.Copy !req
16. Good point.Copy !req
17. If you like watching storiesCopy !req
18. in which children enjoy pleasant rides
in truck beds,Copy !req
19. on their way to colorful destinations...Copy !req
20. What the gum?Copy !req
21. where they finally solveCopy !req
22. the curious mysteries
plaguing their lives...Copy !req
23. Get a job, hitchhikers!Copy !req
24. that story is streaming elsewhere.Copy !req
25. - What now?
- We walk.Copy !req
26. It's okay, Sunny. I got you.Copy !req
27. We're almost out of the woods.Copy !req
28. "Out of the woods" is an expressionCopy !req
29. referring to the fact
that woods are dangerous places to be.Copy !req
30. In Hansel and Gretel...Copy !req
31. two siblings enter the woods
and are menaced by an elderly cannibal.Copy !req
32. In Little Red Riding Hood,
a wolf enters the woodsCopy !req
33. and is menaced by a rude little girl.Copy !req
34. And in Walden,Copy !req
35. a poet enters the woods
and is menaced by revelationsCopy !req
36. that we should abandon civilization
and live by a pond.Copy !req
37. It is for that reason that
"out of the woods" has come to meanCopy !req
38. "a return to safety, away from menace
and disturbing revelations."Copy !req
39. I am sorry to say while Violet was rightCopy !req
40. in that the Baudelaires
were almost out of the forest...Copy !req
41. they were far from out of the woods.Copy !req
42. It looks like there was a fire here.Copy !req
43. - Everything's gone.
Not everything.Copy !req
44. "Lucky Smells Lumbermill."Copy !req
45. Maybe this is where all the clues lead us.Copy !req
46. The secret safe and the strange
photographs at Aunt Josephine's.Copy !req
47. The secret message and
the strange statue lady at Uncle Monty's.Copy !req
48. The only thing standing between us
and all our parents' secrets...Copy !req
49. is an enormous wooden wall.Copy !req
50. What if we don't like what we find?
Knowing can be a terrible thing.Copy !req
51. But not knowing, isn't that worse?Copy !req
52. I bet I could invent a catapult
to get us over.Copy !req
53. I read about walls.Copy !req
54. The Wall of Jericho,
the Great Wall of China.Copy !req
55. All I need is a lever, a counterweight
and a very large spoon.Copy !req
56. Pink Floyd's The Wall.Copy !req
57. Although Mother wouldn't
let me watch that one.Copy !req
58. - Sunny?Copy !req
59. - Does this make us trespassers?
- We're children.Copy !req
60. Those aren't mutually exclusive.Copy !req
61. If we get caught, we'll just say we were
on a school trip. Come on.Copy !req
62. What exactly are we looking for?Copy !req
63. It's like Father said about fine art.Copy !req
64. We'll know it when we see it.Copy !req
65. I think we're in the right place.Copy !req
66. Or the very, very wrong place.Copy !req
67. - It could just be a coincidence.
- It could be Count Olaf.Copy !req
68. Maybe we should leave.Copy !req
69. Forgive me.
I thought you might be trespassers.Copy !req
70. But now I see you're just children.Copy !req
71. - They're not mutually—
- We're on a school trip.Copy !req
72. Right, because we're schoolchildren.Copy !req
73. Well, this lumbermill is hardly
a safe place for children.Copy !req
74. And I should know, I run it.
I'm Charles.Copy !req
75. Do you recognize any of these people?Copy !req
76. I think you better come
and see my partner.Copy !req
77. Do you know what happened
to the town over there?Copy !req
78. Well, it's a sad story.
Paltryville used to be booming.Copy !req
79. We had a world food market,
two hot yoga studios,Copy !req
80. and there was even talk of a water park.Copy !req
81. The name Paltryville was a misnomer.Copy !req
82. And then one day, the whole town
burned down in a terrible fire.Copy !req
83. Luckily, the lumbermill survived...
and the eye-shaped building,Copy !req
84. which actually belongs to...
Oh, look, here we are.Copy !req
85. Uh, children, I'd like you to meet...Copy !req
86. Call me Sir.Copy !req
87. Everybody does 'cause I tell 'em to.
I'm the boss.Copy !req
88. They have to do what I say,
even my partner here.Copy !req
89. Doesn't "partner" mean "equal"?Copy !req
90. Well, in fact,
"partners" can mean several things.Copy !req
91. It could mean "two people who own
a lumbermill together, or a cupcakery."Copy !req
92. Now, with the advent of
more progressive cultural mores,Copy !req
93. not to mention certain High Court rulings,
it could also mean...Copy !req
94. I do all the work. He irons my clothes.Copy !req
95. I also cook your omelets.Copy !req
96. The definitions are not
mutually exclusive.Copy !req
97. I found them wandering unsupervised,
poor dears.Copy !req
98. Well, you know what we do
with trespassers, don't you, Charles?Copy !req
99. But they're only children.Copy !req
100. I thought we could take them in.
Give them a loving, normative home.Copy !req
101. Nonsense.Copy !req
102. I believe you treat children
like grown-ups.Copy !req
103. Put 'em to work in the mill.
It'll teach them responsibility.Copy !req
104. It'll teach them the value of hard work.Copy !req
105. And it'll teach 'em how to make
flat wooden boards out of trees.Copy !req
106. - But, Sir—
- Don't argue with me. We're partners.Copy !req
107. If we work in the mill,
do we get to stay here?Copy !req
108. "Get to"?Copy !req
109. This one gets it.Copy !req
110. In this economy,
children are lucky to have a job at all.Copy !req
111. - What's your name, young lady?
- Violet... Baudelaire.Copy !req
112. - A Baudelaire.
- Wait, do you... do you know that name?Copy !req
113. Of course I do.Copy !req
114. Every man, woman and child in Paltryville
knows the name Baudelaire.Copy !req
115. Why? Did you know our parents?Copy !req
116. Who are the other people
in this photograph?Copy !req
117. I don't understand what "ack" means,Copy !req
118. but if you want to know about
your parents, they—Copy !req
119. - Sir.Copy !req
120. Every time we're about to get
some answers.Copy !req
121. - Seriously?Copy !req
122. It's these cigars.Copy !req
123. I hate the things, but I can't quit
smoking 'em. I'm the boss.Copy !req
124. Now, where was I?Copy !req
125. Oh, yeah. There's a reason
this town will never forget your parents.Copy !req
126. They're the ones that burned it down.Copy !req
127. Our parents did what?Copy !req
128. I'm an important man.
Don't make me repeat myself.Copy !req
129. They burned down the town!Copy !req
130. They're, um...
not anywhere nearby, are they?Copy !req
131. They died... in a fire.Copy !req
132. Good.Copy !req
133. What goes around comes around.Copy !req
134. It's a terrible thing, startin' a fire.Copy !req
135. Why are you still standing there?
You got work to do in the morning.Copy !req
136. Tell me, truck driver,
you're sure there were three of them?Copy !req
137. I'm sure I'm sure.Copy !req
138. A tall girl, a boy with glassesCopy !req
139. and a little baby
who I think bit a hole in my spare tire.Copy !req
140. And did they seem like orphans
with an enormous fortune?Copy !req
141. I don't know about that.Copy !req
142. They snuck into my truck
and I threw 'em outCopy !req
143. maybe 2.5 miles outside of Paltryville,Copy !req
144. - like I told you.
Paltryville.Copy !req
145. - You've been there before?
- Mmm. It's been years.Copy !req
146. - Tell me, truck driver—
- I said my name was Evander.Copy !req
147. Did you ever know a woman, truck driver,
who took your heartCopy !req
148. and rattled it like a baby in a cage?Copy !req
149. Who joined you for years
on a sequence of heists and schemesCopy !req
150. until the two of you were forced apart
by circumstance,Copy !req
151. and also because you ran offCopy !req
152. in the middle of the night
with a bunch of her valuables?Copy !req
153. Uh, no, I've been in the lumber industry
all my life.Copy !req
154. Hmm.Copy !req
155. You can let me off here,
in the middle of town.Copy !req
156. For you.Copy !req
157. Seriously?Copy !req
158. That night
in the lumbermill workers' dorm,Copy !req
159. the Baudelaires pondered
what they'd heard,Copy !req
160. and the weight of it felt like
it had aged them a hundred years.Copy !req
161. Though, of course, it hadn't.Copy !req
162. Did you hear about the new recruits?Copy !req
163. - They're Baudelaires.
- I hear their folks were arsonists.Copy !req
164. I hear they checked out library books
and never returned them.Copy !req
165. I hear they drank blood
from the skulls of chupacabras.Copy !req
166. You mean they drank from baby skulls
like chupacabras.Copy !req
167. I know what I heard.Copy !req
168. That's ridiculous.
Did any of you actually meet our parents?Copy !req
169. - I think Jimmy did.
- Norma Rae is here longer.Copy !req
170. Don't look at me. Look at Cesar.Copy !req
171. Do you know anything
about what happened to this town?Copy !req
172. - We're not allowed to talk about that.
- It's too terrible.Copy !req
173. Also, we don't know.Copy !req
174. Then you shouldn't be spreading rumors.Copy !req
175. I never believed those rumors anyway.Copy !req
176. So... where are your parents now?Copy !req
177. We're orphans.Copy !req
178. Lucky you!Copy !req
179. The unsupervised life.
No rules, no curfews.Copy !req
180. Lights out. Two seconds.Copy !req
181. But it's only six o'clock.Copy !req
182. Oh, boy, more time for dreaming.Copy !req
183. I'm Phil,
and I am excited to work with you kids.Copy !req
184. Thank you. I'm Violet.
These are my siblings, Klaus and Sunny.Copy !req
185. Listen, I... I know things seem dark.Copy !req
186. But you have to look on the bright side.Copy !req
187. So your parents burned down towns.
You don't have to be like your parents.Copy !req
188. My parents were Olympic athletes
and look at me.Copy !req
189. I work in a lumbermill.Copy !req
190. From Phil's words,Copy !req
191. the Baudelaires could tell that
their new coworker was an optimist...Copy !req
192. Who wants a welcome packet?Copy !req
193. a word meaning
"person who thinks hopeful thoughtsCopy !req
194. about even the bleakest situation."Copy !req
195. For example, if an optimist were to have
his right arm bitten off by an alligator,Copy !req
196. he might say, "Oh, boy,
half-price manicures for life."Copy !req
197. Whereas the rest of us would say,
"Ah, my arm!"Copy !req
198. "Optimist" is not to be confused
with "optometrist,"Copy !req
199. a word meaning "healthcare professional
who performs eye exams."Copy !req
200. Though both can be dangerous.Copy !req
201. Still, while they pored over the dense
contents of their welcome packetsCopy !req
202. and poked at dense beef casserole
with their welcome spoons,Copy !req
203. the Baudelaires faced
their first night in PaltryvilleCopy !req
204. with some attempted optimism of their own.Copy !req
205. Look. The mill has a library.Copy !req
206. Maybe you can research what happened here
and clear our parents' names.Copy !req
207. Look. The mill has machines.Copy !req
208. Maybe you could invent a way of making
wooden planks out of trees faster.Copy !req
209. What does it say it is?Copy !req
210. Optimist's office.Copy !req
211. I meant optometrist's office.
Father always said he didn't trust either.Copy !req
212. But what does an optometrist's office
have to do with Count Olaf?Copy !req
213. Maybe Phil was right.Copy !req
214. We should look on the bright side.Copy !req
215. This mill may be miserable,Copy !req
216. but since we got here,
we haven't seen Count Olaf once.Copy !req
217. What if that eye really was a coincidence?Copy !req
218. What if we've finally found a place
where Count Olaf won't find us?Copy !req
219. Wish I could say she was right,
but Violet was asking the wrong questions.Copy !req
220. The question
she should have been asking was...Copy !req
221. where does Count Olaf's
ex-girlfriend work?Copy !req
222. - Who is it?
- I'm looking for a Dr. Orwell.Copy !req
223. Um... who's calling, please?Copy !req
224. I'm just an old friend.Copy !req
225. Um, Dr. Orwell's not here right now.Copy !req
226. And she doesn't have any old friends.Copy !req
227. Ah, but this is an old friend
who severely regrets his actions.Copy !req
228. - Really?
- Yes.Copy !req
229. He's brokenhearted, and he wants very much
to forget the whole thing.Copy !req
230. So he isn't just knocking
on Dr. Orwell's doorCopy !req
231. because he needs something for himself?Copy !req
232. No. He's just in town,
looking for Dr. Georgina Orwell,Copy !req
233. in the hopes
of somehow making things right.Copy !req
234. Because life is so short,
it is so rare to meet,Copy !req
235. to find someone
who shares one's brilliance, one's charm,Copy !req
236. one's dubious moral code
in a world gone gloriously wrong.Copy !req
237. Such people must stick together
like comrades, like partners, like...Copy !req
238. You've changed your hair.Copy !req
239. Olaf.Copy !req
240. Georgina.Copy !req
241. I swore I would never
let you darken my door again.Copy !req
242. I took a solemn oath that my office
would be closed to you forever,Copy !req
243. even during regular business hours.Copy !req
244. You're not still mad about...
whatever I did.Copy !req
245. You left me to drown.Copy !req
246. Water under the bridge.Copy !req
247. - That's where you left me.
- Are you sure that was you?Copy !req
248. Sorry, I have my own life now,
with my own evil scheme,Copy !req
249. which I've put a lot of work intoCopy !req
250. and I don't need you ruining,
like that bar mitzvah.Copy !req
251. What if I told you we had another chance
to destroy the Baudelaires?Copy !req
252. The Baudelaires?Copy !req
253. Well, their miserable children this time.Copy !req
254. Fate has brought us together, my pet.
Fate and fortune.Copy !req
255. How big a fortune are we talking?Copy !req
256. Is Sunny asleep?Copy !req
257. She's dreaming about biting something.
Why?Copy !req
258. What Sir said about our parents.Copy !req
259. - You don't think it could be true.
- Of course not.Copy !req
260. Then you agree what we have to do.Copy !req
261. - Of course. Clear their names.
- Get out of here. Wait, what?Copy !req
262. If we clear their names,
maybe we can finally get some answers.Copy !req
263. - Maybe they wouldn't want us here.
- Then they shouldn't have left us alone.Copy !req
264. You know that's not what they did.Copy !req
265. I'm sorry. I know it's not their fault.Copy !req
266. And I know
you're just trying to be cautious.Copy !req
267. I guess we're not seeing eye to eye.Copy !req
268. I wish they were here.Copy !req
269. - Our parents.
- I know.Copy !req
270. I don't like this place either.Copy !req
271. But staying is the best way to find out
what our parents were hiding.Copy !req
272. The best way to find out
would be to ask them.Copy !req
273. But we never can.Copy !req
274. - We can't keep hiding like this.
- You're right.Copy !req
275. - Our enemies are too close already.
- I mean from the children.Copy !req
276. We can't keep hiding
this part of our lives.Copy !req
277. When we get back,
we're gonna tell them everything.Copy !req
278. What we do. Why we do it.Copy !req
279. We need to make it back first.
What do you think?Copy !req
280. We're not out of the woods.Copy !req
281. Morning is an important time of day,Copy !req
282. because how you begin your morning
can often tell youCopy !req
283. what kind of day you're going to have.Copy !req
284. If you wake up in a mansion
to a butler serving you blueberry pancakesCopy !req
285. and fresh-squeezed orange juice...Copy !req
286. your day will probably be wonderful.Copy !req
287. If you wake up in a lumbermillCopy !req
288. to the sound of metal pots
banging together...Copy !req
289. Get up, lumber workers!Copy !req
290. - This is your new foreman,Copy !req
291. and you've got a new shipment of logs
to turn into flat wooden boards.Copy !req
292. What's that horrible noise?Copy !req
293. It sounds like
someone banging metal pots together.Copy !req
294. I believe everyone has a good side.Copy !req
295. But I have to admit,
our last foreman was a lot nicer.Copy !req
296. - What happened to your last foreman?
- Must've quit in middle of the night.Copy !req
297. It happens a lot around here.Copy !req
298. Hurry up. It's log day.Copy !req
299. I hate log days.Copy !req
300. Now grab a debarker
and start debarking.Copy !req
301. You too, lumber midgets.Copy !req
302. Oh, I love log day.Copy !req
303. Lunch break, lumber slowpokes.Copy !req
304. - I hate log days.Copy !req
305. Told ya!Copy !req
306. We finally get a break.Copy !req
307. Lunch break. Five minutes.Copy !req
308. Oh, boy, five whole minutes.Copy !req
309. It's gum. This is gum.Copy !req
310. Gum isn't lunch.
It's not even a snack.Copy !req
311. It's not very filling, but it's all
they'll let you eat until dinner.Copy !req
312. Can we use our wages
to buy some sandwiches?Copy !req
313. - Lady, we're not paid in wages.Copy !req
314. We're paid in coupons.Copy !req
315. I got one for 20% off a shampoo
at Ed's Haircut Palace.Copy !req
316. I got a free refill of iced tea.Copy !req
317. I got "Buy two banjos, get one free."Copy !req
318. 'Course I can't buy any banjos
'cause I don't have any money.Copy !req
319. Just coupons.Copy !req
320. That can't be legal.Copy !req
321. It's not like we have a constitution.Copy !req
322. If this place is so miserable,
why don't you leave?Copy !req
323. Lucky Smells is our life.
Lucky Smells is our home.Copy !req
324. We need to find those answers
and get out of here, fast.Copy !req
325. According to the map,
the mill library should be just behind...Copy !req
326. behind this door.Copy !req
327. Trying to get out of log day, are you?Copy !req
328. We wanted to visit the library
on our lunch break, Sir.Copy !req
329. Oh, what a lovely idea.Copy !req
330. I told you a library
would be good for morale.Copy !req
331. Nonsense.Copy !req
332. Lunch breaks are for chewing gum,
not sneaking off to libraries.Copy !req
333. - That's why you only need five minutes.
- But, Sir—Copy !req
334. You're not gonna cause trouble
for this mill, are you?Copy !req
335. Trouble? I'm your partner.Copy !req
336. - I'm speaking to the Baudelaires.
- Right.Copy !req
337. I took a chance
on treating you like grown-ups.Copy !req
338. Don't make me regret it.
Now, get back to work!Copy !req
339. You'll have to excuse Sir.
He recently cut down on the smoking.Copy !req
340. Do you know he feeds the workers gum
and pays them in coupons?Copy !req
341. Yes, well, I've tried to discuss that.Copy !req
342. If you guys are partners,
you should be able to stand up to him.Copy !req
343. It's complicated.Copy !req
344. I know Sir can be prickly,Copy !req
345. but you have to understand,
he had a very terrible childhood.Copy !req
346. I understand.Copy !req
347. I'm having
a very terrible childhood right now.Copy !req
348. Okay.Copy !req
349. - You're thinking something.
- It's the new foreman.Copy !req
350. Phil said he just showed up last night.Copy !req
351. What if he's Count Olaf
and being a foreman's his new disguise?Copy !req
352. He is cruel like Count Olaf,Copy !req
353. but Count Olaf runs a horrible
theater company, not a lumbermill.Copy !req
354. But isn't it suspicious
how we never see his face?Copy !req
355. And we only ever hear his voice
over the loudspeaker.Copy !req
356. The mill is noisy.Copy !req
357. Besides, it's probably the only way
anyone could ever hear him.Copy !req
358. I know what you're trying to do.Copy !req
359. Keep us safe.Copy !req
360. Find a reason to leave.Copy !req
361. And we will, I promise, as soon as
we clear our parents' names.Copy !req
362. I... I need a new debarker.Copy !req
363. - What are you doing, midget?
- I... need a new debarker.Copy !req
364. Spoiled brat wants a new debarker.Copy !req
365. Old rusty one
isn't good enough for him, eh?Copy !req
366. They're over there, rich boy.Copy !req
367. Wait...Copy !req
368. - Whoopsie!
- Klaus!Copy !req
369. Your glasses, they're—Copy !req
370. - Twisted.
- Cracked.Copy !req
371. Hopelessly broken.Copy !req
372. They look A-okay to me.Copy !req
373. The foreman kicked him
and stepped on his glasses.Copy !req
374. How could I kick him
when I'm up in this booth?Copy !req
375. It was probably karma.Copy !req
376. - Can you see?
- A little.Copy !req
377. He'll live. Get back to work.Copy !req
378. He can't work if he can't see.
He needs an optometrist.Copy !req
379. Lucky for you, we've got a great one
right here in what's left of our town.Copy !req
380. The building shaped like an eye?Copy !req
381. Oh, yeah,
Dr. Orwell treats all the workers.Copy !req
382. You probably saw the coupon
in your welcome packet.Copy !req
383. I better get you there.Copy !req
384. I'll be fine.
Maybe I can find some answers.Copy !req
385. Maybe I can find some answers, too.Copy !req
386. Your cruelty is as sweet as this coffee
I'm dumping this sugar into.Copy !req
387. Oh, Georgina, I missed this.Copy !req
388. You, me, an evil scheme, a little death.Copy !req
389. La petite mort.Copy !req
390. You know I love it when you speak Spanish.Copy !req
391. Let's run away to Europe and find
a charming little country to take over.Copy !req
392. What about the children?Copy !req
393. Shouldn't we live together first?Copy !req
394. The Baudelaire children.Copy !req
395. Hmm.Copy !req
396. - Oh!Copy !req
397. Let me.Copy !req
398. Dr. Orwell's office.Copy !req
399. Hey, boss.
He's on his way.Copy !req
400. - He—Copy !req
401. He's on his way.Copy !req
402. In the book The Great Gatsby,Copy !req
403. there's a famous sign
shaped like a pair of eyeglasses.Copy !req
404. Does it represent an optometrist?Copy !req
405. It represents the eyes of God staring down
and judging society as a moral wasteland.Copy !req
406. Oh, that sounds like a fun book.Copy !req
407. Listen... I know going to the doctor
can be scary.Copy !req
408. But doctors are your friends.Copy !req
409. Come on.Copy !req
410. Phil was wrong, of course.Copy !req
411. As anyone who's been to a doctor knows,
doctors are not necessarily your friends,Copy !req
412. any more than butchers, mail deliverers,Copy !req
413. or refrigerator repair people
are your friends.Copy !req
414. I myself once fought with a most
unfriendly refrigerator repair person.Copy !req
415. I wonder what ever happened to him.Copy !req
416. Ordinarily, we'd never impose,
but we're in urgent need of a ride.Copy !req
417. - Partners?
- Always, darling.Copy !req
418. We better hurry,
before the foreman realizes we're gone.Copy !req
419. Or before Sir gets back.Copy !req
420. They're all The History
of Lucky Smells Lumbermill.Copy !req
421. Who would want so many copies
of the same book?Copy !req
422. Of course.Copy !req
423. Whenever Klaus reads
a long, difficult book,Copy !req
424. the first thing he does
is reads the table of contents.Copy !req
425. "Chapter 12. The Paltryville Fire."Copy !req
426. "The Baudelaires were
unequivocally responsible..."Copy !req
427. The rest is crossed out.Copy !req
428. This one's crossed out, too.Copy !req
429. This one's not crossed out.Copy !req
430. Sir, your goat cheese
and beef jerky omelet is ready.Copy !req
431. We have to get out of here.Copy !req
432. A dictionary.Copy !req
433. But why are you showing this to me?
You can't read.Copy !req
434. The quote that Sunny found scrawled
on the inside cover has been saidCopy !req
435. by many of my associates over the years.
It goes...Copy !req
436. "In every library,
there is a single bookCopy !req
437. that can answer the question
that burns like a fire in the mind."Copy !req
438. It wasn't the quote
that caught Sunny's eye,Copy !req
439. nor was it the reference to fire
that set Violet's heart racing.Copy !req
440. It was the handwriting.Copy !req
441. For when Violet saw
the strong left lean of the L's,Copy !req
442. and the confident closed loop
of the O's, she knew who wrote itCopy !req
443. even before she saw the name
on the library checkout card.Copy !req
444. "Bertrand Baudelaire."Copy !req
445. Or as Violet and Sunny knew him...Copy !req
446. Father!Copy !req
447. They're good children.Copy !req
448. I don't see why we have to lie to them.
The truth is right there in your book.Copy !req
449. Not anymore.Copy !req
450. I had it redacted.Copy !req
451. - Sir, you defaced your own book?
- I didn't have a choice.Copy !req
452. Charles, we made certain deals
to keep this mill open.Copy !req
453. And if she wants us to cover up the truth
and blame the fire on the Baudelaires,Copy !req
454. well... that's the cost of doing business.Copy !req
455. Is it really worth it?Copy !req
456. This mill is all I have, Charles.Copy !req
457. And you.Copy !req
458. Of course I have you.Copy !req
459. Klaus Baudelaire.Copy !req
460. You're Dr. Orwell?Copy !req
461. Yes, I'm sorry to keep you waiting.
I was on my lunch hour.Copy !req
462. Looks like somebody broke their glasses.Copy !req
463. See? Perfectly friendly.Copy !req
464. Well, you catch more flies
with honey than with vinegar.Copy !req
465. Actually, you catch the most flies
with manure.Copy !req
466. Aren't you smart?
It's just an expression.Copy !req
467. A fancy way of saying you're more likely
to get what you wantCopy !req
468. by acting in a sweet way,
than in a distasteful way, like vinegar.Copy !req
469. Wave goodbye to your friend.Copy !req
470. Goodbye?Copy !req
471. Is this really necessary
to fix my glasses?Copy !req
472. An eye exam is standard procedure
for all my patients.Copy !req
473. You look nervous.Copy !req
474. Father always said he didn't trust
optimists or optometrists.Copy !req
475. Well, sounds like he may have had
a bad experience with one.Copy !req
476. I wonder who she was.Copy !req
477. Or if she ever practiced
optometry again...Copy !req
478. after the heartbreak, and the lawsuitCopy !req
479. and the plastic surgery to assume
a new identity in a faraway town.Copy !req
480. - What did you say?
- I said try not to blink.Copy !req
481. You're a smart boy.
Do you know what bedside manner means?Copy !req
482. It's when—
- It's when a doctor speaksCopy !req
483. in a calm and reassuring voice
to make sure his patients trust him.Copy !req
484. And how are we feeling, Klaus?Copy !req
485. - Not good.
- Because you broke your glasses.Copy !req
486. Because of this town.Copy !req
487. Everyone thinks our parents did
this bad thing,Copy !req
488. but they never even met them.Copy !req
489. Well, I'm not like everyone else.Copy !req
490. You don't believe it.Copy !req
491. I met your parents.Copy !req
492. Standard procedure
for nervous little boys.Copy !req
493. That's standard, too.Copy !req
494. Now focus here, Klaus,
and tell me what you see.Copy !req
495. An E or an A?Copy !req
496. - An—
- An E or an A?Copy !req
497. - An A.
- An A or a C?Copy !req
498. - A C.
- A sea or a lake?Copy !req
499. - Wait, what?
- A reptile or an amphibian?Copy !req
500. Fire or accident?Copy !req
501. A blonde or a bottle blonde?Copy !req
502. A parent or an arsonist?Copy !req
503. Tell me what you see, Klaus.Copy !req
504. Yes, you little bookworm,
tell us what you see.Copy !req
505. I'm sure he'll be back soon.Copy !req
506. Why don't you play a game of solitaire
to pass the time?Copy !req
507. - Violet?
- Hmm?Copy !req
508. That's not a window.Copy !req
509. Lights out.Copy !req
510. Klaus?Copy !req
511. We were worried.
You were gone so long.Copy !req
512. You're not wearing your glasses.
Are they still being fixed?Copy !req
513. What was it like inside the eye? Klaus?Copy !req
514. You're smiling.Copy !req
515. I'm happy to be here, sir.Copy !req
516. What? I'm not Sir. I'm your sister.Copy !req
517. While you were gone,
I heard Sir talking to Charles.Copy !req
518. He said he made a deal
to cover something up.Copy !req
519. There's something bigger going on here.Copy !req
520. - Shh.
Quiet.Copy !req
521. Did you hear what I said?Copy !req
522. I guess it's been a long day.Copy !req
523. Would you like to go to sleep?Copy !req
524. Yes, sir.Copy !req
525. Your shoes are still on.Copy !req
526. Klaus?Copy !req
527. I promised our parents
I'd always look out for Klaus.Copy !req
528. But I didn't.Copy !req
529. He wanted to leave and I made him stay.Copy !req
530. Except now he's acting strange.
It's all my fault.Copy !req
531. There's no one else to fix it.Copy !req
532. Get up, lumber laborers.Copy !req
533. Lucky Smells has no time for dawdling.Copy !req
534. Klaus Baude-liar, would you like
to get out of bed this instant?Copy !req
535. - Yes, sir.
- Would you like to bring your baby sister?Copy !req
536. Klaus?Copy !req
537. Lucky boy.Copy !req
538. It's wood chipper day.Copy !req
539. Would you like to make some mulch?Copy !req
540. What are you doing?Copy !req
541. You're frightening Sunny and
you're frightening me. What's going on?Copy !req
542. Lucky Smells Lumbermill. This is he.Copy !req
543. The Baudelaire orphans
working here at the mill?Copy !req
544. That's ridiculous. They're children.Copy !req
545. They're probably somewhereCopy !req
546. enjoying a hot cup of coffee
in front of a roaring fire...Copy !req
547. wherever they are,
which certainly isn't here.Copy !req
548. Now, who is this?Copy !req
549. Hello?Copy !req
550. - What's wrong?
- With me? Nothing.Copy !req
551. We've fought a host
of unsavory characters,Copy !req
552. including a most unfriendly
refrigerator repair person.Copy !req
553. We've flown a plane into a hurricane.Copy !req
554. We've been to Peru and back
to get home to our children.Copy !req
555. And today, finally, we'll all be together.Copy !req
556. What could be wrong?Copy !req
557. Stop it and we can leave.Copy !req
558. Lucky Smells is our life.
Lucky Smells is our home.Copy !req
559. No, it's not.Copy !req
560. A home is where people take care of you,
not make you work in a mill for gum.Copy !req
561. I should've listened to you
when you wanted to go.Copy !req
562. If you're still in there,Copy !req
563. I want you to know I miss you
an inordinate amount.Copy !req
564. Inordinate?Copy !req
565. What...
what the heck does that mean?Copy !req
566. It can mean many things.
Immoderate, irregular.Copy !req
567. But in this case, I think it means
you missed me a lot.Copy !req
568. - Klaus, you're back!
- Where was I?Copy !req
569. Why am I not wearing shoes?Copy !req
570. We'll have to explain
how you hurt your leg.Copy !req
571. - Ballroom dancing?
- They'll believe that.Copy !req
572. They've seen you dance.Copy !req
573. I don't know what's going on here,
but we need to—Copy !req
574. Baude-liars!Copy !req
575. - We need to—
- I'm talking to you, lumber brats.Copy !req
576. Go to the very fancy door.
You have visitors.Copy !req
577. Ah, there you are, children.Copy !req
578. Now, I know your time here
hasn't been peachy,Copy !req
579. but your luck is about to change.Copy !req
580. Because I brought you... this peach.Copy !req
581. But who's visiting us?Copy !req
582. Oh, I don't know.Copy !req
583. But they can't come inside,
because that would be trespassing,Copy !req
584. and then they'd be put to work.Copy !req
585. But I can tell you they are just
on the other side of that very fancy door.Copy !req
586. Children?Copy !req
587. Children?Copy !req
588. Duncan, Quigley, Isadora?Copy !req
589. Mother?Copy !req
590. Father!Copy !req
591. - Get over here, you three.
- How was your work trip?Copy !req
592. Oh, we're just happy to be home.Copy !req
593. How did you hurt your leg?Copy !req
594. Breaking out of prison in Peru.Copy !req
595. I beg you, turn this program off now.
Imagine this story has a happy ending.Copy !req
596. You can pretend the woman at the door
is the Duchess of Winnipeg,Copy !req
597. and she's come to throw the Baudelaires
a pony party at her chateau.Copy !req
598. Or you can pretend that she's a butler
with a tray of blueberry pancakes,Copy !req
599. or a loving parent
that you thought you'd never see again.Copy !req
600. But if you choose to watch on,
let me warn you,Copy !req
601. the misery does not end here.Copy !req
602. In fact, I visited Paltryville myself
many years later.Copy !req
603. It was long after the Lucky Smells
Lumbermill had closed its doors...Copy !req
604. and Dr. Orwell's office
had fallen into disrepair.Copy !req
605. Of course, the building wasn't originally
an optometrist office at all,Copy !req
606. but the headquarters
of a secret organization.Copy !req
607. That is where I learned what happened
to Klaus Baudelaire.Copy !req
608. Poor, poor Klaus Baudelaire.Copy !req
609. It's enough to make you want to abandon
civilization and live by a pond.Copy !req
610. But if you choose to look this misery
in the eye,Copy !req
611. you should be asking one question.Copy !req
612. It's the same question
that the Baudelaires should've asked,Copy !req
613. my beloved Beatrice should've asked
on the day that she died.Copy !req
614. And that question is...Copy !req
615. where is Count Olaf?Copy !req
616. My, my, my, my, my!Copy !req
617. Aren't you a lucky boy?Copy !req
618. Yes, sir.Copy !req
619. Lucky Smells Lumbermill.
Yeah, this is he.Copy !req
620. The Baudelaire orphans,
working at the mill?Copy !req
621. Well, that's ridiculous.Copy !req
622. You might be wondering about the identity
of the mysterious callerCopy !req
623. who rang to inquire about the Baudelaires.Copy !req
624. I've conducted extensive research,Copy !req
625. and all that I can tell you is that,
whoever it was...Copy !req
626. Now, who is this?Copy !req
627. Hello?Copy !req
628. they were of no help whatsoever.Copy !req
629. Hmm, well...Copy !req
630. Let's see what's next on the list.Copy !req