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2. - A what?
- Beg your pardon?
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3. Pardon?
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4. What?
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5. - Beg your pardon?
- Come again?
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6. I like the way it starts.
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7. Quite fat.
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8. Thin, really.
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9. Thomas, I'm afraid I have some bad news.
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10. Just a moment, John.
I promised Marjorie I'd mend this clock for her.
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11. - I wonder if you'd mind giving me a hand.
- Big hand?
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12. Little hand.
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13. Anyway, listen to me, Thomas.
I have some bad news.
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14. - Bad news?
- It's Marjorie.
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15. - Marjorie?
- She's had a fall.
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16. - Marjorie's had a fall?
- I'm afraid so.
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17. She was out riding this morning on Thunderbolt
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18. and she hadn't returned
by the time Mrs Mempwaster arrived.
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19. It turns out she's had a fall.
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20. Now, just a moment, John, calm down.
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21. Marjorie's had a fall, you say?
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22. - Yes.
- Off a horse?
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23. Well, of course off a horse.
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24. I don't see there's any
"of course off a horse" about it.
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25. Giris nowadays are likely to fall off anything.
Doesn't have to be a horse.
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26. No, but in this case it was.
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27. Could have been a chair, a table,
a pianoforte, anything.
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28. Yes, except in this case,
she was riding a horse when it happened.
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29. - When she fell off?
- Yes.
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30. So you reason to yourself
Marjorie has fallen off a horse?
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31. That's right. Thunderbolt.
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32. - Thunderbolt, you say?
- Yes.
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33. - Well, Thunderbolt's a horse all right.
- Exactly.
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34. - Any damage?
- Well, too soon to say.
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35. - Cavendish is examining her now.
- That old fool. What does he know about horses?
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36. No, Cavendish is examining Marjorie.
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37. - Marjorie? Is she ill?
- No, she fell off a horse.
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38. - Well, you better fetch Cavendish.
- I have. He's in the drawing room.
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39. - Horses are pretty big, John.
- I know they are.
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40. - You fall off one of them, anything can happen.
- Well, quite.
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41. - Well, not anything.
- No, not anything.
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42. I mean, this clock isn't going to become
Prime Minister
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43. just because someone's fallen off a horse.
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44. - Of course not.
- I didn't mean anything in that sense.
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45. Well, absolutely, no.
Anyway, Thomas, Cavendish is examining her now.
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46. - You said he was in the drawing room.
- He is. Examining Marjorie.
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47. - And where's Marjorie?
- She's also in the drawing room.
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48. - So they're both in the drawing room?
- Yes.
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49. Perhaps he's not such an old fool after all.
How is she?
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50. Well, too soon to say. Sounds like a hell of a fall.
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51. - Off the horse?
- Yes.
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52. - Thunderbolt?
- Yes.
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53. What the devil was Marjorie doing
falling off Thunderbolt?
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54. Oh, you know how Marjorie loves to ride, Thomas.
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55. Marjorie was riding Thomas?
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56. No.
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57. - I'm Thomas, John.
- I know that.
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58. Marjorie wasn't riding me.
Your story's a bit twisted there, old fellow.
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59. - You said she was riding Thunderbolt.
- She was.
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60. - She was?
- Yes.
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61. - But she's not any longer?
- No, she fell off.
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62. - Good God.
- I know.
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63. - Where is she?
- She's in the drawing room.
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64. Marjorie was riding Thunderbolt
in the drawing room?
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65. No, no, no, no. She fell off at Stratton Brook,
where the path separates.
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66. That young fellow Cottrell found her
and carried her to the drawing room.
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67. - Stables would have been better, I'd have thought.
- What?
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68. - Drawing room's no place for Thunderbolt.
- No, Marjorie.
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69. - What do you mean?
- Marjorie's in the drawing room.
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70. - With Thunderbolt?
- No, Thunderbolt's in the stables.
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71. Oh, well, that's all right, then.
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72. It's not all right, Thomas.
I tell you, she's had a bad fall.
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73. Is she hurt?
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74. Well, it's too soon to say.
Cavendish is with her now.
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75. - Cavendish? He's a doctor, isn't he?
- Yes.
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76. I wonder if he knows anything about clocks.
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77. If my murderer's watching this, he'll kill me.
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78. This puppy, Snipper,
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79. is in most desperate need of help.
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80. Four weeks ago Snipper's mother died
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81. and only three days later
her father was killed by a hit-and-run driver.
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82. Barely eight weeks old and an orphan,
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83. Snipper was also faced with the embarrassing
and painful affliction of incontinence.
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84. It's a condition that we in the West
don't talk about much.
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85. Shame keeps millions of sufferers silent,
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86. but Snipper's incontinence
was a source of great distress to her
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87. and rather than come to terms with it,
she ran away to London.
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88. It was on the way to London
that Snipper was assaulted
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89. and abused by an older dog.
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90. You can imagine the effect that this would have
on an innocent puppy bitch like Snipper.
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91. She was totally confused, bewildered and hurt.
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92. We think that it is around that time
that she was struck with traumatic amnesia,
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93. a total loss of memory.
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94. This, apart from anything else,
made it very difficult for her to know who she was
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95. and where she was going.
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96. She drifted into a life of scavenging
and prostitution,
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97. selling her soft, furry young body
just in order to stay alive.
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98. That was the life that she was living
when we at the ASTL found her.
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99. We were able to give her food, warmth,
and more than that, love,
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100. the one thing that has been denied her
in her short and tragically unhappy life.
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101. Snipper is really taking an interest now.
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102. Her memory is slowly returning,
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103. which is how we've been able to piece together
the details of her existence,
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104. and with luck she will be able to lead
a normal, happy and fulfilled life.
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105. But, you know,
there are thousands of Snippers in Britain
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106. and we desperately need your help
to carry on the work we're doing.
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107. We are an entirely independent charity,
we receive no government funding,
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108. and rely on public generosity to keep us going.
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109. If you're the kind of person
who would like to help a Snipper,
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110. then why not send your donation,
however large, to...
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111. straight to me, Stephen Fry,
care of the BBC, instead.
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112. Thank you.
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113. Well, Bryan Robson's definitely got one,
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114. but he's the captain,
I suppose he'd have to have one.
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115. To set an example, I don't know really.
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116. I joined up very early, very early.
Too early, I think.
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117. I should have waited
till they had a proper photocopier.
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118. Looks like the Arsenal might do it then.
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119. - The Arsenal?
- Yeah.
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120. Oh, leave it out.
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121. - Leave it out?
- Oh, leave it out. Just leave it out.
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122. No, why should I? Just turn it up.
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123. - What, turn it up?
- Turn it up.
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124. - Oh, switch it off.
- Move it under.
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125. - Oh, send it round.
- Knock it through.
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126. - Rinse it out.
- Park it sideways.
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127. Oh, support it laterally.
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128. Indicate left.
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129. - Oh, finance it underneath.
- Destabilise it casually.
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130. - Oh, slide it up.
- Remove it gently.
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131. - Oh, clean it thoroughly.
- Put it on the shelf.
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132. - Fax it over.
- Give it some mortgage.
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133. - Oh, drive it round.
- Sell it for a small profit.
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134. Oh, comb it thoroughly before putting it back.
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135. - Smell it gently.
- Oh, leave it out.
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136. - Leave it out?
- Leave it out.
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137. Oh.
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138. Who told you you were naked?
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139. I beg your pardon?
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140. I was thinking,
"Who told you that you were naked?"
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141. I think you may have lost me there, Arnold.
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142. Well, do you remember that passage in Genesis
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143. where Adam explains to God
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144. why he and Eve have covered themselves.
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145. Yes, yes. If I remember that story right,
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146. Adam says,
"We were naked and we were ashamed."
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147. - And God says...
- "Who told you that you were naked?"
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148. Glenn and I are having a conversation
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149. about a passage in Genesis
which has been intriguing me rather.
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150. Yes, it is fascinating, isn't it?
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151. Anyway, tell me about
the size of your girlfriend's breasts.
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152. Well, first of all, Glenn,
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153. let's clear up this problem of why God
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154. gave such a complex response to what is,
on the surface,
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155. a relatively simple question.
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156. Not as simple though as,
"Are they very big, or only quite big?"
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157. No, perhaps not that simple,
but still relatively simple.
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158. Yes, yes. Simpler certainly than,
"Is she very exciting in bed?"
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159. I think, Glenn,
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160. that what God was saying is,
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161. "How can nakedness mean anything to you?"
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162. "How can that concept have any significance
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163. "unless you have eaten the fruit of the tree
whereof I said thou shouldst not eat?"
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164. Yes. My bet is that
they really are quite substantially large.
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165. Well, one thing at a time, Glenn.
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166. Yes, yes, all right. Let's take the left one first.
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167. How enormous would you say that is?
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168. Glenn is having a little difficulty concentrating
on our Bible study readings
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169. because he has something of an obsession
with the size of my girlfriend's breasts.
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170. Well, I like to put it this way.
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171. Arnold is having trouble concentrating
on our discussion
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172. about the size of his girlfriend's breasts
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173. because he is a little too interested
in analysing passages from The Bible.
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174. We'll sort it out, don't you worry.
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175. - I think God...
- So would you say a 48-cup, or bigger still?
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176. Oh, I think the Queen should give one
to Esther Rantzen. Definitely.
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177. Stand a bit further to the left.
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178. A good smack in the face, she deserves it.
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179. Hello, Control. Something up?
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180. Well, it's the oddest thing, Murchison,
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181. but I've been told that if I want to stay fit,
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182. I have to walk at least 10 miles a day.
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183. - 10 miles?
- Hmm.
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184. But you've always been as fit as a flea, Control.
Or a fiddlet, anyway.
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185. "One of the fittest men in the service"
you've been occasionally referred to as.
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186. - Have a look at this, then, Tony.
- What is it?
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187. Well, that's what I asked myself
when the doctor gave it to me,
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188. and then I asked the doctor,
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189. and he said it's a pedometer.
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190. - A pedometer?
- Yes.
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191. It measures how many miles I walk. Come on.
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192. Mrs Control is jolly careful
to make sure I put it on everyday, worse luck.
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193. Still, I suppose she only has
your best interests at heart.
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194. That's true. I shouldn't grumble. After all, Tony...
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195. Control?
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196. she's only being so quite firm about it
for my own good.
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197. Mmm.
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198. Any golly way,
I think that's enough for one morning.
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199. And you didn't come here to listen to my woes.
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200. Oh, I don't know, they're quite interesting woes.
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201. What does bring you to the seventh floor, Tony?
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202. Well, Control, do you remember
the Minister asking us to jolly well hurry up
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203. and find out who was behind these bombs
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204. that have been going off
in government departments of lately?
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205. Yes, indeed I do remember.
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206. An urgent, A-1, top priority investigation
was called for as I remember.
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207. There was to be telephone tapping,
surveillance, everything,
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208. and no limit on the budget.
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209. The Minister said, "I want you to
pull all the stops out on this one, Control,
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210. "if you'd be so kind."
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211. Yes, it was quite a to-do.
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212. Mmm.
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213. As I recall, Tony,
I put you in charge of that investigation.
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214. Is that right?
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215. - Yes, you splendidly did.
- Mmm.
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216. Well, have you come up with something
that might be regarded as a clue,
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217. or better still, concrete evidence
that might lead to some arrests?
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218. Yes. Well, that's really the reason I popped in
and surprised you at your walking, Control.
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219. Because I've just had a report from
Commander Henderson of Special Branch.
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220. That's the Scotland Yard branch
that was set up specifically to deal with
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221. subversion and counter-insurgency
earlier this century.
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222. - That's the exact one.
- Oh.
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223. I imagined quite strongly it might be.
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224. Yes. Well, they say that with some of our agents
working undercover alongside them,
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225. they've managed to arrest a cell of men
and women who they think they can prove
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226. are responsible for the whole sorry wave
of unfortunate and exasperating bomb attacks.
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227. - It was a sorry wave, wasn't it?
- Yes, it certainly was.
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228. Well, this is good news, I must say.
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229. I thought you'd be pleased.
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230. I am. Most pleased.
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231. Well done, Tony. Full marks.
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232. Calls for a coffee, wouldn't you say?
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233. It most certainly does.
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234. - I'll fetch you one.
- No, Tony. I'll fetch you one. It's my turn.
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235. Well, goodness, Control, thank you.
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236. No, thank you, Tony.
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237. White, no sugar, I think it is.
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238. That's exactly right.
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239. This really is excessively kind of you, Control.
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240. Not at all, Tony, and besides...
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241. the extra walk will impress Mrs Control.
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242. - Oh, you.
- Back in a mo.
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243. Bye.
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244. There's a riot down at Bletching Common
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245. so they had to use all the trousers for that one.
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246. So you see, hence the...
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247. Hopefully, when it's...
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248. You know, when it's all sorted,
we'll get our trousers back
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249. and things will be back to normal.
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250. Actually, I hadn't thought of that.
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251. Yes, well, yes, I got one but before I had that one,
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252. I used to have to go down
to the laundrette every week,
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253. but now I've had one put in my kitchen
and the laundrette comes to me every week.
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254. It's marvellous, really.
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255. Violence. It's a theme
we've touched on before now
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256. in this fortnightly look back
on the past three days.
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257. And I daresay it's one we'll touch on again,
and we don't apologise for that.
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258. Violence is not something
that's gonna lie down and go away.
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259. Hmm. Well put.
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260. Ah, but the point is, surely,
what are we going to do about it?
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261. Well, I suppose the phrase
that best sums up our approach is,
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262. Responsibility Television.
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263. Now, what does Responsibility Television mean?
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264. Well, it means that we are immensely concerned
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265. that nothing we do
has a bad influence on our viewers.
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266. Thus, when I hit Hugh, like so...
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267. we have to consider what the effect
on the viewer might be.
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268. Yes.
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269. Is a vulnerable, easily led section of our audience
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270. going to start imitating this kind of behaviour?
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271. Well, so far in this series I've hit Hugh
on no less than a startling five occasions.
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272. You might think we had no thought at all
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273. as to how the young might be influenced
by this kind of senseless, horrific violence.
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274. Would they start to imitate it? Hugh.
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275. Well, the interesting and inescapable
that we've come up with is, yes.
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276. Because since the series
has started to be transmitted,
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277. I've found, walking along the street,
that I have been hit on no less than 12 occasions
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278. by complete strangers.
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279. So it looks as if the suggestible out there
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280. are actually imitating
my violent behaviour patterns and striking you?
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281. That's right. Yes. Yes.
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282. - Is that a worrying development?
- Well, it's not unworrying.
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283. Right. So it may be that the Milton Schulmans
and Mary Whitehouses of this worid
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284. aren't as incredibly stupid as they appear
at first, second and 34th glance?
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285. Are we unwittingly helping to make Britain
a more violent place?
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286. Well, it's beginning to look horribly like it, yes.
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287. Right. Well, let's stop now and let's see
if we can't reverse this whole process.
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288. Now, would all those out there
who are stupid enough
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289. to go out on the streets and hit Hugh,
just because they've seen me do it on television,
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290. would they now kindly watch very carefully
as I now smile at Hugh,
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291. hand him a £5 note, and say,
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292. "There you are, old chap, there's a fiver for you.
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293. "Have a really super time.
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294. "Oh, look, here's another one.
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295. - "And another."
- Oh, well.
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296. "There you go. Bless you."
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297. Well, thank you very much,
if you don't mind me saying so.
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298. Indeed, I certainly don't mind you saying so.
In fact, it's quite kind of you.
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299. Here's a fiver.
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300. Well, thank you, I'm sure.
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301. Good. Well, I hope now, Hugh, you're going to
monitor the public's behaviour very closely
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302. and if you find people are approaching you now
with £5 notes
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303. instead of clenched fists, you'll come back
on the programme and let us know?
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304. - I certainly will, yup.
- Thanks so much.
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305. - There's a fiver.
- Oh, thanks.
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306. All right, then. Just time now to go over to Devizes
and to catch up with Chris and that giant sauna.
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307. Chris.
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308. Well, it's a dying art. That's my view.
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309. House prices, I don't know.
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310. You practically need to take out a mortgage
to buy one nowadays.
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311. The last decent pencil I bought was Malaysian,
beautiful thing. Beautiful thing.
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312. Must be worth quite a bit now, I think.
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313. So, he gets all misty-eyed and he puffs himself up
and he says,
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314. "I do it for my country,"
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315. and he stabs himself in the head
with a pair of scissors. Right?
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316. So the Irishman says...
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317. Are you ready for your main courses now?
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318. - Er, yes, thank you.
- Excellent.
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319. - Umm, can I ask just you something?
- Certainly, sir.
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320. - How do you do it?
- Do what, sir?
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321. How can you hear
from the other end of the restaurant
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322. the exact moment
when I get to the punch line of my jokes?
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323. That is the fourth time you've done it
since I came in.
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324. Well, now, that's actually
a very good question, sir.
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325. There's actually a tiny microphone
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326. - hidden underneath your ashtray.
- Ah, I see.
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327. And we have a receiver in the kitchen.
So it's very simple, really.
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328. - Yes, I'd always wondered. Thank you.
- Now, who was having the lamb?
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329. - Here we go, madam.
- Right, so...
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330. the Englishman had said... er...
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331. "I do it for the Queen,"
and jumped out of the window.
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332. Right, yes. And the Scotsman says,
"I do it for my country," and he...
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333. Stabbed himself in the head
with a pair of scissors.
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334. Right. Exactly.
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335. And so then Irishman says...
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336. - And you're having the chicken, sir?
- What?
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337. Chicken lacroix prepared at your table.
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338. - Yes, thank you.
- Right, right.
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339. So, the Irishman says...
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340. Oh, my God!
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341. - What?
- Chicken lacroix.
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342. What are you doing?
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343. - What am I doing?
- Yes.
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344. Well, sir, I have to make sure
the knife is properly sharp.
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345. Yes, but... The chicken, it's still alive!
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346. Ha. Not for much longer, sir.
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347. I think I'm going to be sick.
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348. - Something wrong with the lamb, madam?
- Oh, no.
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349. You're not going to kill a live chicken in here?
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350. Well, certainly, sir.
This is chicken lacroix, as you ordered.
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351. "Fresh, plump, baby chicken
prepared at your table."
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352. Stop. Stop. Stop.
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353. Don't kill that chicken.
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354. - Don't kill it?
- No.
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355. - What, you'd rather eat it while it's still alive?
- No.
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356. - Well, I have to...
- No, no. I'm telling you, actually. Don't kill it.
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357. - Well, why not, sir?
- Well...
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358. You know, it's not worth it.
Think of the letters we'll get.
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359. - Letters? Who from?
- Well, I don't know. Mad people.
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360. Mad people?
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361. You know the sort of thing, "Why, oh, why,
oh, why was my five-year-old grandmother
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362. "forced to watch a live chicken being hacked
to death in the name of so-called entertainment?"
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363. That kind of thing.
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364. Well, it's no worse than being hacked to death
in the name of so-called lunch.
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365. - Well, I know that.
- I think it is, actually.
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366. - I beg your pardon?
- I think it is worse.
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367. - Oh, do you?
- Yes, I do.
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368. Well, that's just her point of view,
that's perfectly fair.
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369. All right, well, let's ask the chicken, shall we?
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370. Would you rather die as part of a sketch
on national television
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371. or would you rather go straight
into a Tesco sandwich, unmourned and unnoticed?
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372. Look, I'm sorry, Hugh.
It's just the way I feel, okay?
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373. What's the matter with you? It's had a great time.
We showed it the Blue Peter studio, didn't we?
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374. It sat next to Desmond Lynam in the canteen,
what more could it want?
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375. Look, I know we agreed that we should
actually kill the chicken on air
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376. but I think... I'd be happy now if you didn't.
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377. Happy? What's happiness got to do with it?
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378. Look, basically the whole joke of this is
supposed to be that I can't get out my Irish joke
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379. and if you sort of add this...
I mean, really, it's not...
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380. - I think we've gone off it.
- I agree, yes. Absolutely.
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381. Well, yeah, okay, if everyone's
just going to go squeamish at the last minute,
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382. yes, all right, we'll call it off, then. Yes, fine.
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383. - Excuse me.
- All right.
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384. - So I'll just have a green salad, please, waiter.
- A green salad? Yes. Coming right up.
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385. Thank you. Excellent.
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386. Now, where was I?
Yes, the Englishman said, "I do it..." er...
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387. "for my count... for my Queen,"
and jumped out the window,
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388. and the Scotsman said, "I do it for my country,"
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389. and stabbed himself in the head
with a pair of scissors,
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390. and the Irishman says...
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391. Now what are you doing?
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392. Never heard a lettuce scream before?
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393. - What?
- Frightening, isn't it?
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394. Never occurred to you that a lettuce might have
dreams, hopes, ambitions, a family?
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395. Look, bugger the lettuce,
will you let me finish my joke?
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396. Oh, I'm sorry.
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397. Right, so,
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398. the Irishman says...
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399. I wouldn't suck it.
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400. Except in...
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401. non-member states
where you're obliged to eat your own.
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402. - All right, Mr Simnock?
- Eh?
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403. I say, are you all right, Mr Simnock?
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404. Where's smimble cocoa?
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405. Yes, your cocoa's coming in a minute.
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406. Eh?
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407. I say, your cocoa is coming in a minute.
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408. I'll draw the curtains, shall I?
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409. Be cosier then, you'll be more cosy.
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410. - Draw the curtains, yeah, it'll be cosy, that.
- Yes.
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411. - Cocoa.
- Yes, your cocoa is coming in minute.
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412. - All right?
- Curtain.
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413. Yes, I'll draw them for you.
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414. There we are.
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415. That's a bit cosier, isn't it?
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416. Nights are getting chillier all the time,
aren't they?
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417. Only seems like yesterday it was Christmas,
I don't know.
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418. Oh, look, you've dropped your magazines.
Look, I'll pick them up for you.
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419. Didn't like them. Rubbish they were.
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420. Well, let's see what they are.
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421. There we are, look.
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422. Oh. Oh, now.
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423. There was no call to go doing that,
was there, Mr Simnock?
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424. Where's me cocoa?
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425. Your cocoa's coming in a minute.
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426. I'm not so sure you deserve it now, though.
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427. Acting up like I shouldn't wonder.
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428. I'll tuck you in, look.
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429. 92 years old.
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430. That's right. 93 come November.
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431. 92 years old and I've never had oral sex.
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432. Well...
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433. I should think not, indeed.
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434. Oral sex! The idea.
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435. Never ridden a camel.
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436. You're just babbling now, Mr Simnock.
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437. Never watched a woman urinate.
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438. I shall get very cross with you in a minute.
I shall, really.
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439. Never killed a man.
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440. Well, there's a certain man I shall be killing
if he's not very careful.
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441. Never been inside an opera house.
Never eaten a hamburger.
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442. You're a stupid silly old man
and I won't have any more nonsense.
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443. I'm fed up, me. I've never done anything.
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444. Well, you're a bit chilly, I shouldn't wonder.
Your cocoa'll be along in a minute.
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445. Don't want any stupid cocoa.
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446. Well, there's no call to be getting contrary, now,
is there? You love your cocoa. You know you do.
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447. I hate cocoa. Gets a skin on it.
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448. Not if you keep stirring it.
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449. Makes me want to kek that.
Makes we want to cat up.
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450. I want to drink milk
from the breasts of a Burmese maiden.
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451. I don't know what's got into you today,
Mr Simnock. I don't, really.
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452. I think we're going to have to give you
some extra vitamin E.
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453. Burmese maidens! In Todmorden?
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454. You've got bad breath, you have.
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455. Well, there's no call to be getting personal, I hope.
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456. Like rotting cabbages.
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457. I'm very angry with you today, Mr Simnock.
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458. You're a great nancy.
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459. I'm not a great nancy, Mr Simnock,
and you're wicked to say so.
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460. You're a great Mary Ann, bum-boy nancer.
I bet you've never even done it.
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461. I'm not going to take anymore of this from you,
Mr Simnock. I'm not, really.
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462. You shouldn't be in a place like this
at your time of life.
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463. Well, someone's got to do it. Dedication.
Though why I bother, I do not know.
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464. You should be out there having oral sex
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465. and killing people
and watching women urinate in opera houses
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466. and eating hamburgers in opera houses
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467. and drinking milk
from the breasts of Nepalese maidens.
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468. It was Burmese last time.
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469. Well, Nepalese, I've changed me mind.
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470. Instead you're stuck here
taking rude talk from an old man.
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471. You're a great bog-breathed nancy.
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472. You've really upset me today, Mr Simnock,
you have, really.
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473. I'm going out to hurry along your cocoa.
When I get back I don't want any more nonsense.
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474. Honestly.
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475. You're a screaming great Bertie and you pong.
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476. 92 years old
and I've never watched a woman urinate.
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477. Tragic waste that.
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478. Now here you are, Mr Simnock.
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479. I managed to intercept Mrs Gideon
in the hall with the tray.
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480. So don't say you're not a lucky man
to get your cocoa before the others.
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481. - Hooray!
- Yes, that's better, isn't it?
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482. - Cocoa.
- That's right.
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483. But a certain naughty boy
said a few naughty things, didn't he?
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484. I'm sorry, Brian. Right sorry.
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485. Well, I'm not so sure you should have it now.
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486. Soon as you see your cocoa
you mend your manners, don't you?
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487. Oh, please, Brian.
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488. All right, there you are.
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489. That's better, isn't it?
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490. Oh, it's a lovely drop of cocoa that.
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491. That's Berent's. That's the best.
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492. Good old Berent's cocoa. Always there.
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493. Original or New Berent's,
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494. specially prepared
for the mature citizens in your life,
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495. with nature's added store
of powerful barbiturates and heroin.
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496. The shorter one's got a different accent,
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497. but they both smell of Noel Edmonds to me.
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498. in line with inflation.
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499. The rate of tax on beer
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500. will be increased by two pence in the pint,
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501. cigarettes by four pence in the pint,
which is in advance to the rate of inflation,
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502. in line with the government's current thinking
on smoking and health.
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503. Petrol and diesel and Derv fuels will be
increased by three pence in the litre.
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504. Aye, and what of the people?
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505. I'm sorry?
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506. You bleed the people
so that you may stuff your own fat pockets.
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507. Erm, yes.
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508. The vehicle licence tax will be increased
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509. from £100, its present rate, to £120...
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510. Yes, so that your own bathroom may be lined
with venison and fine delicacies.
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511. Erm...
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512. Captured in foreign wars
fought by the poor people.
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513. Be quiet.
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514. I'll not be quiet!
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515. The poor of England have been quiet too long.
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516. While I have breath in my body
and blood in my veins,
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517. I'll fight for the poor people of England.
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518. Bold words indeed.
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519. Aye, bold, but true.
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520. And what is your name, sir,
that you must shroud yourself
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521. under a lightweight travelling hat?
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522. My name, sir,
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523. and I bid you mark it well,
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524. is Tony of Plymouth.
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525. - Tony of Plymouth.
- None other.
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526. By God, then, Tony of Plymouth,
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527. this time you have stumbled into the lion's den.
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528. Guards, seize him!
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529. I fear, sir, that the guards will never save you
from the people.
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530. Why, you mangy swine!
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531. Cur, dog, mongrel, fish!
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532. I'll see you swing from the nearest gibbet for this.
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533. - Is that so?
- Aye, that is so.
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534. Then have a care, sir, that the rope
does not fasten itself around your own soft throat.
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535. You're no match for a real swordsman.
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536. On the contrary, sir, the blade of a tyrant
is dull and fat, like its owner.
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537. Dull and fat, am I? We shall see.
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538. Stand and fight, coward.
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539. As you wish, dull, fat tyrant.
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540. So, the worm has claws.
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541. - Aye, and more.
- More?
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542. This worm will not be means-tested by a bully.
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543. Means-tested?
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544. Is that... Guards!
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545. I wouldn't suck it.
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546. Do you return the greeting?
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547. Farewell, Chancellor, I am leaving now,
but the people will return to take my place.
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548. Alternatively, of course,
you could just write to your MP.
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