1. This programme contains strong
language and adult humour
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2. Tonight on 8 Out of 10 Cats
does Countdown,
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3. Jon Richardson...
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4. Sean Lock...
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5. James Corden...
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6. Kevin Bridges...
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7. Peter Serafinowicz...
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8. Susie Dent
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9. and Rachel Riley.
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10. Now, welcome your host, Jimmy Carr!
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11. Hello and welcome
to 8 Out of 10 Cats does Countdown,
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12. a show all about letters,
numbers and conundrums.
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13. Did you know, for example, some
words only exist in plural form,
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14. for example, binoculars, scissors,
trousers, jeans,
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15. pants and Jedward.
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16. Singlish is the nickname
for the variety of English
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17. spoken in Singapore.
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18. Singlish is also my response
if my girlfriend's away
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19. and an attractive woman asks me
"Are you single?"
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20. "Singlish".
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21. And, a professor at the University
of Houston said it would
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22. take 31,688 years to count
to one trillion.
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23. So, to do it, you'd need to love
maths and be over 31,000 years old.
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24. Sounds like a job for Vorderman.
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25. Right, let's get started.
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26. OK, let's meet tonight's players.
First up it's Jon Richardson.
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27. Jon phones his mum every single day.
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28. Keep on trying, Jon, one of these
days she's bound to pick up.
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29. You know when you have people
round for dinner,
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30. is this how you introduce them?
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31. "Joining me tonight is my friend
Steve, who's got a small dick."
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32. Joining Jon tonight,
it's Kevin Bridges.
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33. Kevin has recently bought
a riverboat in Glasgow,
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34. or as we call it in England,
a shopping trolley.
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35. I'll take that, that's all right.
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36. And against them this evening,
it's Sean Lock.
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37. Sean's face will be familiar to you,
if you're a regular viewer
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38. of 8 Out Of 10 Cats, or if you work
at the RSPCA complaints' division.
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39. And Sean's team-mate,
it's James Corden.
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40. It says on James' Wikipedia page
that he's a rubbish actor
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41. and he's never won a BAFTA
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42. and that's because professional
jealously got the better of me
and I changed it.
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43. James you played with Jon last week,
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44. are you intimidated
playing against him?
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45. I am a bit, he shocked me
with his tactical new...
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46. ...s. And, er...
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47. His technical what, sorry?
His tactical new...
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48. ...s.
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49. But, Sean's team won last week. Mmm.
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50. So... going to lose this week.
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51. Are you going to play it
differently, do you think?
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52. Last week I noticed on one
of the games,
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53. you didn't play at all
because you forgot to.
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54. I hope that this week I can commit
something to paper
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55. that's an actual word.
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56. Have you got a mascot with
you this evening?
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57. I do, I've brought this guy.
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58. There he is
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59. and, er, it's going to bring me
a lot of luck, I think.
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60. What is that?
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61. He's a sponge, a sponge.
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62. So, it's great.
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63. That's...
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64. Especially, especially for the bath
time gag of, "I've got crabs".
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65. Not always a joke.
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66. Sean, last week you beat Jon with
the conundrum with one second to go.
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67. I mean, in terms of tension
that was incredible.
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68. Yes, it was incredible.
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69. It was an incredible feeling to be
there at that time and
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70. what was going through my mind
as the clock was ticking down
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71. towards the conundrum was, "Wow,
this is a really big moment Sean".
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72. And all I did was, I just looked
at all the letters
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73. and tried to make the word
that was there...
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74. ... come to life for me to see it,
to say it
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75. And that's, that's really what
happened, Jimmy.
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76. Have you got a mascot this evening?
Yes, I do Jimmy.
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77. What you got?
I've got my very lucky panda's ear.
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78. And it's the only part of a panda
that you can't eat.
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79. I thought the panda's ear
might get a laugh,
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80. might not get a big laugh.
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81. You've really surprised me
with nothing though.
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82. I think we should just put it away,
you can ask me the question again.
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83. Have you got a mascot? No.
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84. Kevin you were on Jon's team
last time.
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85. Yes.
Do you think you make a good team?
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86. Oh, I think the record speaks
for itself,
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87. Jon has never lost
when I've been on his team.
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88. We have played one and won one.
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89. See Jon done a great thing.
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90. It's just experience,
shines through from the man,
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91. he writes out the 75 times table,
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92. so for the numbers game.
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93. Erm, I think that's cheating.
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94. I don't think it's cheating.
It's definitely cheating.
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95. You didn't think it was cheating
last week, Captain
Look-at-my-75-times-table.
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96. I'm pretty sure it's cheating now.
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97. Jimmy? Seriously Jimmy, you're not
allowed to have the 75 times tables.
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98. They don't do that on Countdown,
do they?
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99. Are they allowed to do that? That's
the tips I've been giving the guys
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100. when they come on,
just to write it down.
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101. Oh, this is like professional
wrestling. This is bullshit.
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102. Do you know what I'll do?
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103. I'll leave the times table there,
but if a 75 comes out,
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104. I won't use it.
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105. Tell you what, give it to me,
give it to me,
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106. and if 75 comes up,
I'll give it to you.
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107. No, I don't trust you to even know a
round is happening, given last week.
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108. OK. Kevin, apparently, you're
learning Spanish?
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109. Si. Un, er, yeah.
I say that if not...
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110. Wow, you really had me.
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111. Wow. That means, er, yes Jimmy.
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112. Can you give us,
give us a couple of phrases?
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113. Er, no se porque pero me gusta.
That's, er, that means I...
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114. You've really nailed
the accent, haven't you?
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115. It means, "I don't know why
I like it."
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116. I actually learned
Spanish in a fetish club.
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117. I like to get gaffer taped to a bed
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118. and Rosetta Stone discs
put in my ears.
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119. Have you got a mascot?
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120. Yes, I've got a mascot.
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121. I always forget,
I've got this, it's a bookie's pen.
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122. I was a bit too early for my train
this morning,
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123. and I really needed the toilet,
but it's quite expensive to use
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124. the toilet in a train station,
it's 30p
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125. and I had a 50p coin,
and there was a bookie's there,
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126. so I went to the bookie's to ask
if I could use the toilet,
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127. and they said it's for customers
only, so, I was going to
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128. say to the guy, "Oh, I bet you
I'm going to piss my pants mate".
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129. I put 50p on a horse and it won.
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130. This was the pen that I wrote the
name of the horse on,
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131. so I'm hoping it can...
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132. I don't need your Countdown pens,
I've got my own stationery.
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133. So, there we go.
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134. I've also got a shuttlecock
that I found backstage,
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135. so you never know when a game
of badminton's going to break out.
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136. OK, Jon, what's the ideal quality
you look for in a team-mate?
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137. Er, black polo shirt,
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138. err, Glaswegian accent,
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139. bookie's pen and a shuttlecock.
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140. Have you got a mascot this
evening, Jon?
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141. Yes, I'm launching my new, er,
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142. character to get
children into numbers.
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143. This is a brand-new idea I've had.
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144. This is my new character,
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145. this is Count Down.
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146. He's here to help children
learn how to count.
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147. Sorry, are you talking or him now
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148. because he's,
he's just mouthing weirdly?
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149. He's got a problem with his jaw,
haven't you, Count Down? Yes.
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150. Is he really good with numbers?
Count Down?
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151. You'll have to ask Count Down,
won't you?
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152. Hey, Count Down. Yes?
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153. What's 15 times 75?
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154. Too late, 1,125.
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155. It's not a race!
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156. Nice to meet you Count Down, hello.
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157. Oh, he doesn't like you.
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158. Poo.
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159. I'm just amazed that your manual
dexterity there, you can
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160. move it entirely out of sync
with what you say.
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161. It can't be easy.
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162. Fuck off!
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163. Our teams!
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164. Over in Dictionary Corner,
it's Peter Serafinowicz.
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165. A poll recently voted
Peter Serafinowicz
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166. Britain's funniest comedian
and that poll was his nan,
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167. Mrs Serafinowicz.
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168. Peter, are you a fan of word games?
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169. Well, to be honest Jimmy,
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170. I don't think that's any
of your business.
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171. Well, apologies, Peter.
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172. Sorry if I crossed the line there.
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173. I'm sorry. Any words you're hoping
will come up tonight?
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174. Abdicates.
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175. And with Peter...
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176. and with Peter is, of course,
Susie Dent.
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177. Susie, is there a word you'd like to
take out of the dictionary?
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178. Yes. Where do I start? Erm,
phlegm, crotch,
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179. moist, gusset.
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180. Phlegm, crotch, moist, gusset,
hang on.
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181. They're all good, aren't they?
Yeah, don't take them out,
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182. I've got nothing to text no-one.
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183. In charge of the numbers,
it's Rachel Riley!
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184. Rachel obtained A-levels in Maths
and Further Maths.
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185. The one kid that did that in my
school was a victim of bullying,
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186. and further bullying.
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187. Have you got any tricks of
the trade for the numbers game?
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188. I go into schools and play games
with the kids and teach them.
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189. My favourite one is if you add up
the digits of any number
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190. and then that number's
divisible by nine,
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191. then the first number's divisible by
nine. That's a good one.
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192. Well, hang on, you've got to say
that slowly for me. If you?
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193. If you add up
the digits of any number... Right.
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194. ... and you get that number,
if that number's divisible by nine,
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195. then the first number is...
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196. Oh, I shouldn't have come back,
should I?
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197. The game hasn't even started,
the game hasn't started
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198. and I'm out of my depth.
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199. OK, the prize the teams are
competing for this evening, is this.
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200. It's the Countdown talking
alarm clock!
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201. Whoo!
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202. I'll demonstrate.
You could wake up to this.
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203. 'Wake up Countdown fans,
you've survived another night.'
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204. OK, let's Countdown everyone.
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205. Sean and James, you get the first
pick of the letters.
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206. OK. OK, OK. I'll just get
this out.
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207. What, what's that?
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208. Oh, I find that the music,
the Countdown music,
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209. I find it very difficult
to concentrate to,
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210. it actually puts me off, and I
thought, I've got music at home
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211. which is exactly 30 seconds long
which I find very easy to
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212. concentrate to. So if you don't
mind, I'd like to listen to that.
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213. No problem at all. While we...
That's well within the rules.
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214. Yeah. OK, do you want to pick
the letters?
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215. Do you want to pick the letters,
James? Erm, yeah,
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216. I might as well contribute something
to the team, so I'll do this.
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217. You never know. I'll take a...
We'll take a vowel, please.
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218. O
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219. I'll take another vowel, please.
A
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220. Er, a consonant.
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221. N
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222. A consonant.
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223. Z
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224. A vowel.
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225. U
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226. A consonant.
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227. H
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228. A vowel.
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229. O
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230. OANZUHO!
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231. Erm, er, a consonant.
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232. G
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233. And another consonant.
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234. And the last one...
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235. T
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236. And for the first time today,
here's the Countdown Clock!
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237. Sean, A couple of questions,
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238. that's music you just
happen to have at home?
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239. It's while I'm working,
that's what I listen to.
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240. So you just work
in 30 second bursts?
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241. Your mind just really just closes in
and focuses what it's got to do.
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242. This bit, I always find,
I write some of my best stuff.
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243. It's just coming up now.
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244. Floods out of me. Yeah.
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245. I hope it doesn't put anyone off.
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246. Sean, how many, how many letters?
Seven.
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247. Seven, OK, James? Er, I got a 4.
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248. OK. Er, Jon?
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249. Six.
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250. Kevin? Er, I got a 6, then I
realised, erm,
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251. there was a letter missing, so I
just changed it to a wrestler
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252. and I went for 5.
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253. Hulk-mania's running wild this
evening, Jimmy. I've got HOGAN.
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254. You've got HOGAN? All right.
So is HOGAN, is HOGAN a word?
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255. The definition is when it comes
crashing down and it hops inside.
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256. HOGAN's in the dictionary.
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257. Er, it's a traditional Indian
hut of logs and earth.
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258. Obviously I was joking with
the wrestling stuff.
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259. OK, James? TONZ.
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260. TONZ? With a Z.
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261. TONZ with a z. Well,
we'll just double check.
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262. I don't think so.
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263. Oh, this dictionary's got it in for
me big time.
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264. Er, no. Jon, your six?
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265. It's actually my friend's favourite
word, because he's Count Down,
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266. and if you count down to the very
end,
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267. you get to... NOUGHT.
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268. It's fun, you see.
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269. As in fuck all!
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270. Sean, your seven?
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271. I had NOUGHT,
but I went all out for
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272. Which is the end of a tropical storm
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273. where you just a mist,
you get a mist.
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274. Across the... and it's a THUZOON.
Yeah, and particularly,
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275. it tends to dwell under
the THRONZ of palm trees.
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276. THRONZ of palm trees.
On the island shores.
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277. You get a THUZOON.
You get a THUZOON.
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278. It's like a warm mist. Yes.
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279. In the Federated States
of Micronesia. Yes.
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280. Beautiful THUZOON this morning!
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281. So, I think we win that one, Jimmy?
Let's move on.
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282. That's actually a dance
called the Thuzoonga. Yeah.
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283. Don't be ridiculous.
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284. With the G and A.
Don't, that's not.
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285. Thuzoonga, it's a dance.
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286. It's funny, but it's not a word.
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287. Susie, what could they have got?
I had NOUGAT for six.
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288. I got a nine.
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289. There's a nine-letter word there?
A nine-letter word...
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290. OK...
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291. So at the end of that,
Jon has six points!
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292. Onto our first numbers round,
Jon and Kevin,
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293. your turn to pick the numbers.
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294. One and five, one from the top,
five from the bottom, please.
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295. One from the top,
five from the bottom coming up.
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296. You look so right with a bookie's
pen in your hand.
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297. And I feel that I'm studying
the form here.
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298. 1... Oh...
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299. 3. That's 4 x 3 is...
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300. 3, 5... Get some sums
written down Jon.
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301. I only got four, so one more, 7.
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302. 3 x 5 = 15
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303. 5 x 7 = 35
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304. And your favourite, 75. Yes.
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305. And the target's 769.
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306. And your time starts now.
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307. OK, er, James, what have you got?
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308. I've come in with a very solid 525.
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309. 525. Well, let's see if anyone got
any closer than that. Sean?
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310. 766. 766.
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311. 766, OK. Jon?
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312. Well, I'm a man of my word
and I pledged not to use the 75,
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313. so I got 201.
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314. OK, Kevin what have you got?
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315. I got 770, Jimmy.
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316. 770, OK. How did you do it Kevin?
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317. 7 + 3 = 10.
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318. That is inarguable.
That's safe, that's in the bank.
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319. Always has been, always will be.
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320. Er, times 75.
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321. Ah, times 75.
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322. 750. 750.
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323. 3 + 1 = 4
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324. And the other 3 + 1 = 4.
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325. And then, I done something else...
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326. Times five again?
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327. Yeah, 770, one away, well done.
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328. That's seven points to you, Kevin.
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329. Er, Rachel, could they have done it?
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330. Yep, erm, if you start the same way,
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331. 7 + 3 = 10
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332. And then, 5 - 3 = 2
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333. Add the 75, 77
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334. Times them together,
770 and take away the 1.
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335. Nice.
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336. OK, the scores at the moment,
Sean and James have no points,
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337. Jon and Kevin have 13,
and here is your teaser.
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338. The words are LOCK BUNS,
and the clue is rub it all over.
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339. That's LOCK BUNS, rub it all over.
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340. See you after the break.
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341. Welcome back, the answer to the
teaser, the words were LOCK BUNS,
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342. and the clue was - rub it all over.
It was, of course, SUNBLOCK.
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343. OK, for this round only,
it's Sean against Kevin.
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344. Kevin, your turn to choose.
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345. Vowel, please.
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346. E
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347. Er, we'll take a... another
consonant, please.
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348. Mind games.
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349. I'm done with that,
E, R, I'm going for.
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350. Sean can pick.
I'll let you pick one, Sean.
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351. Ooh, it's tough, innit?
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352. Vowel please, Rachel.
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353. I
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354. Consonant please, Rachel.
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355. L
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356. A vowel please.
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357. O
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358. These are good letters.
Erm, a consonant.
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359. R
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360. Erm, a consonant,
just the rest of them consonants.
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361. X
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362. You sure?
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363. K
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364. Put a vowel in there.
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365. And another E.
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366. OK, your time starts now.
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367. Er ... vin?
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368. Kevin, Kevin, what have you got?
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369. Sean?
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370. Rachel? Yeah?
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371. Could you let us out?
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372. 30 seconds is a long time, isn't it?
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373. It's tougher than it looks,
is all I'd say.
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374. I did it.
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375. OK, er, Kevin, how many did you get?
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376. 7, Jimmy.
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377. OK, Sean? I've got a terrific 4.
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378. OK, well, let's, let's hear your 4.
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379. LORE. L-O-R-E.
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380. L-O-R-E, LORE.
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381. OK, Kevin, what have you got?
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382. Exliker.
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383. Somebody who used to like you.
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384. I think if it was in,
it would be hyphenated.
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385. But I don't think it's in.
Sorry, Kevin.
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386. Four points to Sean there.
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387. Susie, Peter,
could they have done any better?
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388. Well, we think we may have a nine.
Can we...
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389. Yeah. Abdicates.
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390. OK, so, at the end of that,
Sean and James have four points.
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391. Jon and Kevin have 13.
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392. Right now, time for Jon and James
to go head-to-head. Oh, for...
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393. James, your turn to pick
the numbers.
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394. I would like...
Two from the top.
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395. Two from the top.
These two? Yep.
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396. And the one on the bottom corner
closest to me. Yep.
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397. The one two along from it.
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398. This one? That's right.
The one above that.
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399. How many more have I got?
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400. One more. Go to the second row.
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401. Yep. Fourth one in. Big time.
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402. Second row, fourth one in. Yes, yes!
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403. This one? That's it.
Now we've got it.
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404. Your specially selected numbers
are eight... Knew it would be.
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405. Three, another eight, and the
large ones, 25 and 75. Shit.
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406. Your target, 587. OK, Jon versus
James, your time starts now.
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407. 587? Shit.
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408. This is what I mean,
I get freaked out by this now.
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409. Can we have normal music on?
Copy !req
410. 8x75. Right. Yeah.
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411. That's one of your eights.
You've just got to take off 13.
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412. How do you get 13? 8+4 is 12,
Copy !req
413. take that off. Take that off 600.
12 off 600.
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414. I can't even write.
Copy !req
415. So the target was 587.
Jon, did you get it?
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416. I think I've got 588.
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417. James. Yeah, 588.
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418. OK, let's hear how you did it,
Jon. Well...
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419. No, tell you what,
much more fun, James.
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420. How did you get it?
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421. I did 8x75...
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422. 600. And then 8+4.
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423. The other 8+4 is 12.
And then take that off the 600.
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424. Yeah. That's 588. One away.
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425. I didn't do it, Sean did.
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426. You did it. You did it.
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427. You did it all yourself.
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428. The lovely picture earlier, that was
a lovely picture of the boat.
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429. Thanks, Sean, I appreciate that.
You did it all on your own.
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430. You do your shoes up now,
it's great.
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431. Jon, how did you do it?
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432. Well, obviously we're not
allowed to use the 75.
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433. What I did is 3x25 is 75!
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434. He's for kids, you say?
Copy !req
435. And then I just did it
like they did it.
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436. OK, seven points each.
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437. Rachel, could it be done?
Copy !req
438. Yes, you could've got to this
stage and said 25-12 is 13
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439. and taken that off instead.
Copy !req
440. The scores at the moment,
Sean and James are on 11,
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441. Jon and Kevin are on 20.
Here is your teaser.
Copy !req
442. The words are "Gimp tent"
and the clue is "Hard to resist".
Copy !req
443. That's "Gimp tent", "Hard to
resist." See you after the break.
Copy !req
444. Welcome back,
the answer to the teaser,
Copy !req
445. the words were GIMP TENT,
and the clue was "hard to resist."
Copy !req
446. It was, of course, TEMPTING.
Copy !req
447. OK, before we move on,
please welcome Joe Wilkinson.
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448. No, no, no, this is - this is...
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449. this is bullshit.
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450. Are you all right, Joe?
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451. No, it's bullshit.
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452. Yeah, I take it you haven't heard?
What?
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453. I've just been fired.
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454. I've fired you so many times.
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455. I know, it's bullshit, love.
I'm as angry as you are.
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456. Bullshit.
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457. I'm brilliant at this shit.
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458. Brilliant at the numbers and the...
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459. What's the other? What's the other?
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460. The letters?
Copy !req
461. Letters, the letters.
Copy !req
462. Susie and Rachel have put in a
complaint, apparently.
Copy !req
463. Said I was distracting them.
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464. It's not my fault I've got
a cracking body!
Copy !req
465. And, there's a rumour going round
I've been stealing from the set,
Copy !req
466. which is bullshit.
Copy !req
467. Which is total...
Copy !req
468. Oh...
Copy !req
469. All right, I've stolen
a couple of things,
Copy !req
470. but it's not worth firing me.
Copy !req
471. I still don't understand why you're
wearing cricket pads.
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472. It's what I wear
when I'm not working.
Copy !req
473. It's very fashionable,
do you not read Smash Hits?
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474. This is my last day,
I've done the, er...
Copy !req
475. you know, I've done
the traditional thing and I've...
Copy !req
476. I've photocopied my arse.
Copy !req
477. If you look closely,
you can see I've got a...
Copy !req
478. I've actually got
a couple of tattoos on my cheeks.
Copy !req
479. On the left one I've got a tattoo
of Rachel ordering a lasagne.
Copy !req
480. On the right one, I've got Susie
Copy !req
481. shouting her two favourite
nine letter words,
Copy !req
482. which are GUMSHIELD and BOLLOCKS.
Copy !req
483. But she spells BOLLOCKS with two
Ss. What a weird woman.
Copy !req
484. So, yeah, let's just do it then,
shall we?
Copy !req
485. Let's just get on with it.
Last day, fuck it.
Copy !req
486. LET'S PLAY COUNTDOWN!
Copy !req
487. OK, on with the game.
Copy !req
488. Sean and James,
your turn to choose the letters.
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489. OK. A vowel please.
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490. You'll have to do it yourself,
I've got to empty my desk.
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491. Here...
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492. A.
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493. I'll have another vowel, please.
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494. O. Another vowel.
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495. Another vowel.
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496. I.
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497. Another vowel.
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498. E.
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499. Consonant, please.
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500. N.
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501. Consonant, please.
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502. G.
Copy !req
503. Consonant, please.
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504. It's weird what you accumulate. T...
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505. Consonant, please.
Copy !req
506. F.
Copy !req
507. And another consonant, please.
Copy !req
508. And the last one...
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509. S.
Copy !req
510. OK, your time starts now.
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511. I'm a strong and powerful woman.
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512. I'm a strong and powerful woman.
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513. Sean, how many letters? 8.
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514. James?
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515. 6. Ooh, for James.
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516. Jon? 8.
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517. Kevin? 7.
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518. OK, er, James, what was your 6?
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519. Er, SIGNET.
Copy !req
520. Good, of course, yes, good for 6.
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521. SIGNET.
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522. Kevin, what was your 7?
Copy !req
523. Er, FASTING.
Copy !req
524. As in to, like, run fast,
you're fasting.
Copy !req
525. Not AS good when you expand on it,
but OK.
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526. Jon, your 8?
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527. FEASTING.
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528. Feasting, oh! Really good.
Copy !req
529. That's what I got as well. Excellent.
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530. I've got O'FEASTING.
That's, erm, Irish for FEASTING.
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531. I'll tell you what Jimmy, I'm just
going to pop these in my van.
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532. OK, 8 points to both teams.
Copy !req
533. Peter, Susie,
could they have done any better?
Copy !req
534. I've got a 9, that, er...
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535. I think it's a word, but I'm not
sure how to pronounce it.
Copy !req
536. ABDICATEES. ABDICATEES?
Copy !req
537. ABDICATEES. Yeah.
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538. Yeah? Yeah. 9 letters.
Copy !req
539. Yeah.
Copy !req
540. Anything else, Susie?
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541. Er, if you're not ABDICATEEing,
you could be tangoing,
Copy !req
542. so TANGOES is there for 7. OK.
Copy !req
543. So, at the end of...
Copy !req
544. What are you drinking there?
Copy !req
545. Water.
Copy !req
546. Lovely can of water.
Copy !req
547. Yeah, water. Have you not seen
the new water brand?
Copy !req
548. It's just water, it's lovely.
Copy !req
549. Yes, but...
Copy !req
550. I mean it's...
Copy !req
551. it's from a canal, so it's a bit...
Copy !req
552. You're just rehydrating, are you?
I wouldn't normally with water...
Copy !req
553. but it's so watery,
I'd say, "Cheers."
Copy !req
554. OK, so at the end of that,
Sean and James have 19,
Copy !req
555. Jon and Kevin have 28.
Copy !req
556. Onto another numbers round,
OK, Jon and Kevin,
Copy !req
557. you're to pick the numbers.
Copy !req
558. Erm, anything but 75 really.
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559. I can't be arsed to help.
Copy !req
560. Er, it's my last day so I've
brought in a board game,
Copy !req
561. like you do at school.
Copy !req
562. Basically I've brought in the new
Countdown board game.
Copy !req
563. It looks a little
bit like Mouse Trap.
Copy !req
564. Yeah, it does look a bit like
Mouse Trap, but it is different,
Copy !req
565. because our mouse is holding
a little calculator.
Copy !req
566. You know that...
Copy !req
567. calculators aren't actually allowed
on Countdown.
Copy !req
568. So now - now it's just Mouse Trap.
Copy !req
569. It's just Trap now.
Copy !req
570. OK. Jon.
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571. 1 big.
Copy !req
572. 1 big. 1 big and 5 small. OK.
Copy !req
573. Right, and these numbers are
5, 10, 2, 7, another 2 and 50.
Copy !req
574. And the target, 491.
Copy !req
575. OK, your time starts now.
Copy !req
576. OK, so, your target was 491,
what did you get?
Copy !req
577. Sean?
Copy !req
578. Er, 491.
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579. James?
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580. Well, I think 491.
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581. OK, Jon?
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582. I also think 491.
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583. Kevin?
Copy !req
584. Erm...
Copy !req
585. I think 491.
Copy !req
586. Lot of confusion.
OK, James, how did you do it?
Copy !req
587. 5 times 10.
Copy !req
588. 5 times 10. OK.
Copy !req
589. 5... really?
Copy !req
590. 5 times 10 is 50.
Copy !req
591. No.
Copy !req
592. I know, sorry. OK...
Copy !req
593. He did a lovely painting earlier.
Copy !req
594. Of a boat, and there were seagulls.
Copy !req
595. OK, I've fucked up.
Copy !req
596. Yeah, no. What was it? 50 times 10,
what did you do?
Copy !req
597. That's what I meant.
Copy !req
598. That's what you meant, fine.
That's what you meant, yeah.
Copy !req
599. Yeah, 50 times 10 is 500,
minus 7, minus 2.
Copy !req
600. Yep, lovely, well done. 491.
Copy !req
601. Did you do it the same way, yeah?
Copy !req
602. I was trying to go for, like,
a trick shot.
Copy !req
603. 5 plus 2 is 7, times 7 is 49,
times 10 is 490,
Copy !req
604. and I just don't know how
to get that 1.
Copy !req
605. Can 50 divide by itself maybe?
Copy !req
606. If you cut the 0 in half,
Copy !req
607. stretch it out, bend it,
you've got a 1.
Copy !req
608. Is there a trick shot, Rachel?
Copy !req
609. What, another way of doing it?
Copy !req
610. Something like, really, "Whoa.
Copy !req
611. "How did she get that?"
Copy !req
612. Well, you could have,
you could have done 50 times 5.
Copy !req
613. "Whoa, how did she get that?"
Copy !req
614. That's how I feel when I see her
with Joe Wilkinson over there.
Copy !req
615. She's landed on her feet, mate.
Copy !req
616. You could have done that one.
Copy !req
617. If you want to use ALL the numbers.
Copy !req
618. Well that's the one I had,
that's how I got it.
Copy !req
619. OK. That's how I got conf...
Copy !req
620. Jon, Sean?
Copy !req
621. Same, really.
Copy !req
622. 10 times 50 is 500... Yep. 2 times 5
is 10, minus 2.
Copy !req
623. And Jon, did you get it?
Copy !req
624. We did it the same way, Jimmy.
Copy !req
625. Did you? I want to hear it from him.
Copy !req
626. I can't remember what voice he has.
Copy !req
627. "We did it the same way."
Copy !req
628. He does sound different.
Copy !req
629. "Does he? Do I?"
Copy !req
630. It's harder than it looks,
this ventriloquism.
Copy !req
631. OK, 10 points to both teams, there.
Copy !req
632. Well done.
Copy !req
633. Racking up the points.
Copy !req
634. Can't believe I said that.
Copy !req
635. The scores at the moment,
Sean and James have 29,
Copy !req
636. Jon and Kevin have 38.
Copy !req
637. Time now to go across to
dictionary corner.
Copy !req
638. Peter, what have you got for us?
Copy !req
639. Well, er,
when I agreed to be on the show,
Copy !req
640. they said I could read something,
read something from a book,
Copy !req
641. you know, as long as it had some
kind of literary merit,
Copy !req
642. you know, it's a show about words
and everything.
Copy !req
643. So, erm...
Copy !req
644. I thought I'd read an extract
from the Morrissey autobiography.
Copy !req
645. Just because I'm a fan
and, you know, it's just really...
Copy !req
646. it's really interesting
and it's extremely well-written.
Copy !req
647. So, erm, here's my take
on the Morrissey autobiography.
Copy !req
648. "I think
the genius of the show
Copy !req
649. "was that it did exactly what it
said on the tin.
Copy !req
650. "Men Behaving Badly.
Copy !req
651. "It was about two men whose
behaviour was...
Copy !req
652. "well, let's just say
it left a lot to be desired.
Copy !req
653. "I remember those days very fondly,
it was really good fun.
Copy !req
654. "In fact, it was brilliant.
Copy !req
655. "Sitting on the sofa,
watching porn on the telly,
Copy !req
656. "having a couple of beers,
talking about wanking,
Copy !req
657. "trying to cop off with Leslie Ash,
Copy !req
658. "and then the car would pick us
up to take us to the studio,
Copy !req
659. "and we'd have to film the show.
Copy !req
660. "I don't really keep in touch with
Clunesy any more,
Copy !req
661. "but he's off being all successful
and everything.
Copy !req
662. "He was brilliant in Gravity.
Copy !req
663. "He looks very handsome these days.
Copy !req
664. "I think he might have
had his ears done.
Copy !req
665. "Good on you, Clunesy." Thank you.
Copy !req
666. Peter Serafinowicz everyone.
Copy !req
667. And here is your final teaser.
Copy !req
668. The words are KEV DROOP
Copy !req
669. and the clue is "poke a stick at it,
and see what happens."
Copy !req
670. That's KEV DROOP, poke
a stick at it, see what happens.
Copy !req
671. See you after the break.
Copy !req
672. Welcome back. The answer to the
teaser - the words were KEV DROOP
Copy !req
673. and the clue was, "poke a stick
at it and see what happens".
Copy !req
674. It was, of course, PROVOKED.
Copy !req
675. OK, time for our final letters game.
Copy !req
676. Jon and Kevin,
your turn to choose.
Copy !req
677. Is Count Downs all right?
Copy !req
678. He's very tired now.
Copy !req
679. It's very late for him.
Copy !req
680. Shall we count down to bedtime?
Copy !req
681. OK.
Copy !req
682. Five, four, three, two, one.
Copy !req
683. Okey-doke.
Copy !req
684. Really makes your hands sweaty.
Copy !req
685. You do this, mate.
Copy !req
686. Me? I trust you implicitly.
Copy !req
687. A consonant, then.
Copy !req
688. R
Copy !req
689. Vowel.
Copy !req
690. U
Copy !req
691. And now a consonant.
Copy !req
692. D
Copy !req
693. Ooh! Ooh, that noise means, Kevin,
Copy !req
694. you've won this week's mystery prize!
Copy !req
695. This week's mystery prize is...
Copy !req
696. a crystal ball reading!
Copy !req
697. Right...
Copy !req
698. Can't smoke in here, mate.
Copy !req
699. Ooh, it's coming through, Kevin.
Copy !req
700. Yep, it's getting clearer.
Copy !req
701. It says...
Copy !req
702. ...you've left your hallway light on.
Copy !req
703. I'm sorry I couldn't be
any more help.
Copy !req
704. Let's play Countdown!
Copy !req
705. And we'll have another vowel, please.
Copy !req
706. E!
Copy !req
707. And a consonant, please.
Copy !req
708. N
Copy !req
709. And another vowel, please.
Copy !req
710. O
Copy !req
711. And a consonant, please.
Copy !req
712. S
Copy !req
713. And another consonant, please.
Copy !req
714. V
Copy !req
715. And a vowel, please.
Copy !req
716. And the last one...
Copy !req
717. A
Copy !req
718. OK, your time starts now.
Copy !req
719. How many have you got, Sean?
Copy !req
720. Six.
Copy !req
721. James? Five.
Copy !req
722. Jon? Maybe a seven.
Copy !req
723. Ooh. Kevin?
Copy !req
724. Erm, it's complicated
to say at this point.
Copy !req
725. I don't want to rush you,
I don't want to...
Copy !req
726. have you got a number on it,
do you think?
Copy !req
727. No. Well, I got VENUS,
Copy !req
728. and then I spent the rest of
the time trying to find SERENA.
Copy !req
729. Because I thought it would be
quite good to get Venus and Serena,
Copy !req
730. so I just went for SUAVE.
Copy !req
731. James, your five?
Copy !req
732. OK, Sean, your six?
Copy !req
733. Oh!
Copy !req
734. You're useless!
Copy !req
735. OK, Jon, your seven?
Copy !req
736. I don't know if I spelt this right.
Copy !req
737. Yeah. How did you spell it?
Copy !req
738. However you thought I spelt it...
Copy !req
739. A-S-U-N-D-E-R.
Copy !req
740. Brilliant, very good.
Copy !req
741. Seven points there to Jon.
Copy !req
742. Peter, Susie,
could they have done any better?
Copy !req
743. Uh, well, we got a couple of sevens.
Copy !req
744. RESOUND, DEVOURS, SOUNDER,
Copy !req
745. and an eight - ABDICATE for eight.
Copy !req
746. Hang on, no. ABDICATES.
Copy !req
747. ABDICATES. Nine.
Copy !req
748. OK. So Sean and James have 29,
Copy !req
749. Jon and Kevin have 45.
Copy !req
750. Fingers on buzzers - it's time
Copy !req
751. for today's Countdown conundrum.
Copy !req
752. James?
Copy !req
753. Well, no-one was expecting that.
Copy !req
754. Oh!
Copy !req
755. Look at his little face,
he's thrilled.
Copy !req
756. No-one was expecting...
Not good with the numbers, Jimmy,
Copy !req
757. but when it comes to ... BJUGATE...
Copy !req
758. Yeah, I think that calls for a...
Copy !req
759. Oh!
Copy !req
760. Everybody!
Copy !req
761. So the final scores are, Sean and
James have a very creditable 39,
Copy !req
762. but tonight's winners,
with 45, are Jon and Kevin.
Copy !req
763. Congratulations, you're now
the proud owners
Copy !req
764. of this Countdown alarm clock.
Copy !req
765. Thanks to all our panellists,
our wonderful studio audience
Copy !req
766. and to all of you for watching at
home, that's it from us, good night!
Copy !req