8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown: Season 3, Episode 6

1. This programme contains strong language and adult humour

2. Tonight on 8 Out of 10 Cats does Countdown,

3. Jon Richardson...

4. Sean Lock...

5. James Corden...

6. Kevin Bridges...

7. Peter Serafinowicz...

8. Susie Dent

9. and Rachel Riley.

10. Now, welcome your host, Jimmy Carr!

11. Hello and welcome to 8 Out of 10 Cats does Countdown,

12. a show all about letters, numbers and conundrums.

13. Did you know, for example, some words only exist in plural form,

14. for example, binoculars, scissors, trousers, jeans,

15. pants and Jedward.

16. Singlish is the nickname for the variety of English

17. spoken in Singapore.

18. Singlish is also my response if my girlfriend's away

19. and an attractive woman asks me "Are you single?"

20. "Singlish".

21. And, a professor at the University of Houston said it would

22. take 31,688 years to count to one trillion.

23. So, to do it, you'd need to love maths and be over 31,000 years old.

24. Sounds like a job for Vorderman.

25. Right, let's get started.

26. OK, let's meet tonight's players. First up it's Jon Richardson.

27. Jon phones his mum every single day.

28. Keep on trying, Jon, one of these days she's bound to pick up.

29. You know when you have people round for dinner,

30. is this how you introduce them?

31. "Joining me tonight is my friend Steve, who's got a small dick."

32. Joining Jon tonight, it's Kevin Bridges.

33. Kevin has recently bought a riverboat in Glasgow,

34. or as we call it in England, a shopping trolley.

35. I'll take that, that's all right.

36. And against them this evening, it's Sean Lock.

37. Sean's face will be familiar to you, if you're a regular viewer

38. of 8 Out Of 10 Cats, or if you work at the RSPCA complaints' division.

39. And Sean's team-mate, it's James Corden.

40. It says on James' Wikipedia page that he's a rubbish actor

41. and he's never won a BAFTA

42. and that's because professional jealously got the better of me and I changed it.

43. James you played with Jon last week,

44. are you intimidated playing against him?

45. I am a bit, he shocked me with his tactical new...

46. ...s. And, er...

47. His technical what, sorry? His tactical new...

48. ...s.

49. But, Sean's team won last week. Mmm.

50. So... going to lose this week.

51. Are you going to play it differently, do you think?

52. Last week I noticed on one of the games,

53. you didn't play at all because you forgot to.

54. I hope that this week I can commit something to paper

55. that's an actual word.

56. Have you got a mascot with you this evening?

57. I do, I've brought this guy.

58. There he is

59. and, er, it's going to bring me a lot of luck, I think.

60. What is that?

61. He's a sponge, a sponge.

62. So, it's great.

63. That's...

64. Especially, especially for the bath time gag of, "I've got crabs".

65. Not always a joke.

66. Sean, last week you beat Jon with the conundrum with one second to go.

67. I mean, in terms of tension that was incredible.

68. Yes, it was incredible.

69. It was an incredible feeling to be there at that time and

70. what was going through my mind as the clock was ticking down

71. towards the conundrum was, "Wow, this is a really big moment Sean".

72. And all I did was, I just looked at all the letters

73. and tried to make the word that was there...

74. ... come to life for me to see it, to say it

75. And that's, that's really what happened, Jimmy.

76. Have you got a mascot this evening? Yes, I do Jimmy.

77. What you got? I've got my very lucky panda's ear.

78. And it's the only part of a panda that you can't eat.

79. I thought the panda's ear might get a laugh,

80. might not get a big laugh.

81. You've really surprised me with nothing though.

82. I think we should just put it away, you can ask me the question again.

83. Have you got a mascot? No.

84. Kevin you were on Jon's team last time.

85. Yes. Do you think you make a good team?

86. Oh, I think the record speaks for itself,

87. Jon has never lost when I've been on his team.

88. We have played one and won one.

89. See Jon done a great thing.

90. It's just experience, shines through from the man,

91. he writes out the 75 times table,

92. so for the numbers game.

93. Erm, I think that's cheating.

94. I don't think it's cheating. It's definitely cheating.

95. You didn't think it was cheating last week, Captain Look-at-my-75-times-table.

96. I'm pretty sure it's cheating now.

97. Jimmy? Seriously Jimmy, you're not allowed to have the 75 times tables.

98. They don't do that on Countdown, do they?

99. Are they allowed to do that? That's the tips I've been giving the guys

100. when they come on, just to write it down.

101. Oh, this is like professional wrestling. This is bullshit.

102. Do you know what I'll do?

103. I'll leave the times table there, but if a 75 comes out,

104. I won't use it.

105. Tell you what, give it to me, give it to me,

106. and if 75 comes up, I'll give it to you.

107. No, I don't trust you to even know a round is happening, given last week.

108. OK. Kevin, apparently, you're learning Spanish?

109. Si. Un, er, yeah. I say that if not...

110. Wow, you really had me.

111. Wow. That means, er, yes Jimmy.

112. Can you give us, give us a couple of phrases?

113. Er, no se porque pero me gusta. That's, er, that means I...

114. You've really nailed the accent, haven't you?

115. It means, "I don't know why I like it."

116. I actually learned Spanish in a fetish club.

117. I like to get gaffer taped to a bed

118. and Rosetta Stone discs put in my ears.

119. Have you got a mascot?

120. Yes, I've got a mascot.

121. I always forget, I've got this, it's a bookie's pen.

122. I was a bit too early for my train this morning,

123. and I really needed the toilet, but it's quite expensive to use

124. the toilet in a train station, it's 30p

125. and I had a 50p coin, and there was a bookie's there,

126. so I went to the bookie's to ask if I could use the toilet,

127. and they said it's for customers only, so, I was going to

128. say to the guy, "Oh, I bet you I'm going to piss my pants mate".

129. I put 50p on a horse and it won.

130. This was the pen that I wrote the name of the horse on,

131. so I'm hoping it can...

132. I don't need your Countdown pens, I've got my own stationery.

133. So, there we go.

134. I've also got a shuttlecock that I found backstage,

135. so you never know when a game of badminton's going to break out.

136. OK, Jon, what's the ideal quality you look for in a team-mate?

137. Er, black polo shirt,

138. err, Glaswegian accent,

139. bookie's pen and a shuttlecock.

140. Have you got a mascot this evening, Jon?

141. Yes, I'm launching my new, er,

142. character to get children into numbers.

143. This is a brand-new idea I've had.

144. This is my new character,

145. this is Count Down.

146. He's here to help children learn how to count.

147. Sorry, are you talking or him now

148. because he's, he's just mouthing weirdly?

149. He's got a problem with his jaw, haven't you, Count Down? Yes.

150. Is he really good with numbers? Count Down?

151. You'll have to ask Count Down, won't you?

152. Hey, Count Down. Yes?

153. What's 15 times 75?

154. Too late, 1,125.

155. It's not a race!

156. Nice to meet you Count Down, hello.

157. Oh, he doesn't like you.

158. Poo.

159. I'm just amazed that your manual dexterity there, you can

160. move it entirely out of sync with what you say.

161. It can't be easy.

162. Fuck off!

163. Our teams!

164. Over in Dictionary Corner, it's Peter Serafinowicz.

165. A poll recently voted Peter Serafinowicz

166. Britain's funniest comedian and that poll was his nan,

167. Mrs Serafinowicz.

168. Peter, are you a fan of word games?

169. Well, to be honest Jimmy,

170. I don't think that's any of your business.

171. Well, apologies, Peter.

172. Sorry if I crossed the line there.

173. I'm sorry. Any words you're hoping will come up tonight?

174. Abdicates.

175. And with Peter...

176. and with Peter is, of course, Susie Dent.

177. Susie, is there a word you'd like to take out of the dictionary?

178. Yes. Where do I start? Erm, phlegm, crotch,

179. moist, gusset.

180. Phlegm, crotch, moist, gusset, hang on.

181. They're all good, aren't they? Yeah, don't take them out,

182. I've got nothing to text no-one.

183. In charge of the numbers, it's Rachel Riley!

184. Rachel obtained A-levels in Maths and Further Maths.

185. The one kid that did that in my school was a victim of bullying,

186. and further bullying.

187. Have you got any tricks of the trade for the numbers game?

188. I go into schools and play games with the kids and teach them.

189. My favourite one is if you add up the digits of any number

190. and then that number's divisible by nine,

191. then the first number's divisible by nine. That's a good one.

192. Well, hang on, you've got to say that slowly for me. If you?

193. If you add up the digits of any number... Right.

194. ... and you get that number, if that number's divisible by nine,

195. then the first number is...

196. Oh, I shouldn't have come back, should I?

197. The game hasn't even started, the game hasn't started

198. and I'm out of my depth.

199. OK, the prize the teams are competing for this evening, is this.

200. It's the Countdown talking alarm clock!

201. Whoo!

202. I'll demonstrate. You could wake up to this.

203. 'Wake up Countdown fans, you've survived another night.'

204. OK, let's Countdown everyone.

205. Sean and James, you get the first pick of the letters.

206. OK. OK, OK. I'll just get this out.

207. What, what's that?

208. Oh, I find that the music, the Countdown music,

209. I find it very difficult to concentrate to,

210. it actually puts me off, and I thought, I've got music at home

211. which is exactly 30 seconds long which I find very easy to

212. concentrate to. So if you don't mind, I'd like to listen to that.

213. No problem at all. While we... That's well within the rules.

214. Yeah. OK, do you want to pick the letters?

215. Do you want to pick the letters, James? Erm, yeah,

216. I might as well contribute something to the team, so I'll do this.

217. You never know. I'll take a... We'll take a vowel, please.

218. O

219. I'll take another vowel, please. A

220. Er, a consonant.

221. N

222. A consonant.

223. Z

224. A vowel.

225. U

226. A consonant.

227. H

228. A vowel.

229. O

230. OANZUHO!

231. Erm, er, a consonant.

232. G

233. And another consonant.

234. And the last one...

235. T

236. And for the first time today, here's the Countdown Clock!

237. Sean, A couple of questions,

238. that's music you just happen to have at home?

239. It's while I'm working, that's what I listen to.

240. So you just work in 30 second bursts?

241. Your mind just really just closes in and focuses what it's got to do.

242. This bit, I always find, I write some of my best stuff.

243. It's just coming up now.

244. Floods out of me. Yeah.

245. I hope it doesn't put anyone off.

246. Sean, how many, how many letters? Seven.

247. Seven, OK, James? Er, I got a 4.

248. OK. Er, Jon?

249. Six.

250. Kevin? Er, I got a 6, then I realised, erm,

251. there was a letter missing, so I just changed it to a wrestler

252. and I went for 5.

253. Hulk-mania's running wild this evening, Jimmy. I've got HOGAN.

254. You've got HOGAN? All right. So is HOGAN, is HOGAN a word?

255. The definition is when it comes crashing down and it hops inside.

256. HOGAN's in the dictionary.

257. Er, it's a traditional Indian hut of logs and earth.

258. Obviously I was joking with the wrestling stuff.

259. OK, James? TONZ.

260. TONZ? With a Z.

261. TONZ with a z. Well, we'll just double check.

262. I don't think so.

263. Oh, this dictionary's got it in for me big time.

264. Er, no. Jon, your six?

265. It's actually my friend's favourite word, because he's Count Down,

266. and if you count down to the very end,

267. you get to... NOUGHT.

268. It's fun, you see.

269. As in fuck all!

270. Sean, your seven?

271. I had NOUGHT, but I went all out for

272. Which is the end of a tropical storm

273. where you just a mist, you get a mist.

274. Across the... and it's a THUZOON. Yeah, and particularly,

275. it tends to dwell under the THRONZ of palm trees.

276. THRONZ of palm trees. On the island shores.

277. You get a THUZOON. You get a THUZOON.

278. It's like a warm mist. Yes.

279. In the Federated States of Micronesia. Yes.

280. Beautiful THUZOON this morning!

281. So, I think we win that one, Jimmy? Let's move on.

282. That's actually a dance called the Thuzoonga. Yeah.

283. Don't be ridiculous.

284. With the G and A. Don't, that's not.

285. Thuzoonga, it's a dance.

286. It's funny, but it's not a word.

287. Susie, what could they have got? I had NOUGAT for six.

288. I got a nine.

289. There's a nine-letter word there? A nine-letter word...

290. OK...

291. So at the end of that, Jon has six points!

292. Onto our first numbers round, Jon and Kevin,

293. your turn to pick the numbers.

294. One and five, one from the top, five from the bottom, please.

295. One from the top, five from the bottom coming up.

296. You look so right with a bookie's pen in your hand.

297. And I feel that I'm studying the form here.

298. 1... Oh...

299. 3. That's 4 x 3 is...

300. 3, 5... Get some sums written down Jon.

301. I only got four, so one more, 7.

302. 3 x 5 = 15

303. 5 x 7 = 35

304. And your favourite, 75. Yes.

305. And the target's 769.

306. And your time starts now.

307. OK, er, James, what have you got?

308. I've come in with a very solid 525.

309. 525. Well, let's see if anyone got any closer than that. Sean?

310. 766. 766.

311. 766, OK. Jon?

312. Well, I'm a man of my word and I pledged not to use the 75,

313. so I got 201.

314. OK, Kevin what have you got?

315. I got 770, Jimmy.

316. 770, OK. How did you do it Kevin?

317. 7 + 3 = 10.

318. That is inarguable. That's safe, that's in the bank.

319. Always has been, always will be.

320. Er, times 75.

321. Ah, times 75.

322. 750. 750.

323. 3 + 1 = 4

324. And the other 3 + 1 = 4.

325. And then, I done something else...

326. Times five again?

327. Yeah, 770, one away, well done.

328. That's seven points to you, Kevin.

329. Er, Rachel, could they have done it?

330. Yep, erm, if you start the same way,

331. 7 + 3 = 10

332. And then, 5 - 3 = 2

333. Add the 75, 77

334. Times them together, 770 and take away the 1.

335. Nice.

336. OK, the scores at the moment, Sean and James have no points,

337. Jon and Kevin have 13, and here is your teaser.

338. The words are LOCK BUNS, and the clue is rub it all over.

339. That's LOCK BUNS, rub it all over.

340. See you after the break.

341. Welcome back, the answer to the teaser, the words were LOCK BUNS,

342. and the clue was - rub it all over. It was, of course, SUNBLOCK.

343. OK, for this round only, it's Sean against Kevin.

344. Kevin, your turn to choose.

345. Vowel, please.

346. E

347. Er, we'll take a... another consonant, please.

348. Mind games.

349. I'm done with that, E, R, I'm going for.

350. Sean can pick. I'll let you pick one, Sean.

351. Ooh, it's tough, innit?

352. Vowel please, Rachel.

353. I

354. Consonant please, Rachel.

355. L

356. A vowel please.

357. O

358. These are good letters. Erm, a consonant.

359. R

360. Erm, a consonant, just the rest of them consonants.

361. X

362. You sure?

363. K

364. Put a vowel in there.

365. And another E.

366. OK, your time starts now.

367. Er ... vin?

368. Kevin, Kevin, what have you got?

369. Sean?

370. Rachel? Yeah?

371. Could you let us out?

372. 30 seconds is a long time, isn't it?

373. It's tougher than it looks, is all I'd say.

374. I did it.

375. OK, er, Kevin, how many did you get?

376. 7, Jimmy.

377. OK, Sean? I've got a terrific 4.

378. OK, well, let's, let's hear your 4.

379. LORE. L-O-R-E.

380. L-O-R-E, LORE.

381. OK, Kevin, what have you got?

382. Exliker.

383. Somebody who used to like you.

384. I think if it was in, it would be hyphenated.

385. But I don't think it's in. Sorry, Kevin.

386. Four points to Sean there.

387. Susie, Peter, could they have done any better?

388. Well, we think we may have a nine. Can we...

389. Yeah. Abdicates.

390. OK, so, at the end of that, Sean and James have four points.

391. Jon and Kevin have 13.

392. Right now, time for Jon and James to go head-to-head. Oh, for...

393. James, your turn to pick the numbers.

394. I would like... Two from the top.

395. Two from the top. These two? Yep.

396. And the one on the bottom corner closest to me. Yep.

397. The one two along from it.

398. This one? That's right. The one above that.

399. How many more have I got?

400. One more. Go to the second row.

401. Yep. Fourth one in. Big time.

402. Second row, fourth one in. Yes, yes!

403. This one? That's it. Now we've got it.

404. Your specially selected numbers are eight... Knew it would be.

405. Three, another eight, and the large ones, 25 and 75. Shit.

406. Your target, 587. OK, Jon versus James, your time starts now.

407. 587? Shit.

408. This is what I mean, I get freaked out by this now.

409. Can we have normal music on?

410. 8x75. Right. Yeah.

411. That's one of your eights. You've just got to take off 13.

412. How do you get 13? 8+4 is 12,

413. take that off. Take that off 600. 12 off 600.

414. I can't even write.

415. So the target was 587. Jon, did you get it?

416. I think I've got 588.

417. James. Yeah, 588.

418. OK, let's hear how you did it, Jon. Well...

419. No, tell you what, much more fun, James.

420. How did you get it?

421. I did 8x75...

422. 600. And then 8+4.

423. The other 8+4 is 12. And then take that off the 600.

424. Yeah. That's 588. One away.

425. I didn't do it, Sean did.

426. You did it. You did it.

427. You did it all yourself.

428. The lovely picture earlier, that was a lovely picture of the boat.

429. Thanks, Sean, I appreciate that. You did it all on your own.

430. You do your shoes up now, it's great.

431. Jon, how did you do it?

432. Well, obviously we're not allowed to use the 75.

433. What I did is 3x25 is 75!

434. He's for kids, you say?

435. And then I just did it like they did it.

436. OK, seven points each.

437. Rachel, could it be done?

438. Yes, you could've got to this stage and said 25-12 is 13

439. and taken that off instead.

440. The scores at the moment, Sean and James are on 11,

441. Jon and Kevin are on 20. Here is your teaser.

442. The words are "Gimp tent" and the clue is "Hard to resist".

443. That's "Gimp tent", "Hard to resist." See you after the break.

444. Welcome back, the answer to the teaser,

445. the words were GIMP TENT, and the clue was "hard to resist."

446. It was, of course, TEMPTING.

447. OK, before we move on, please welcome Joe Wilkinson.

448. No, no, no, this is - this is...

449. this is bullshit.

450. Are you all right, Joe?

451. No, it's bullshit.

452. Yeah, I take it you haven't heard? What?

453. I've just been fired.

454. I've fired you so many times.

455. I know, it's bullshit, love. I'm as angry as you are.

456. Bullshit.

457. I'm brilliant at this shit.

458. Brilliant at the numbers and the...

459. What's the other? What's the other?

460. The letters?

461. Letters, the letters.

462. Susie and Rachel have put in a complaint, apparently.

463. Said I was distracting them.

464. It's not my fault I've got a cracking body!

465. And, there's a rumour going round I've been stealing from the set,

466. which is bullshit.

467. Which is total...

468. Oh...

469. All right, I've stolen a couple of things,

470. but it's not worth firing me.

471. I still don't understand why you're wearing cricket pads.

472. It's what I wear when I'm not working.

473. It's very fashionable, do you not read Smash Hits?

474. This is my last day, I've done the, er...

475. you know, I've done the traditional thing and I've...

476. I've photocopied my arse.

477. If you look closely, you can see I've got a...

478. I've actually got a couple of tattoos on my cheeks.

479. On the left one I've got a tattoo of Rachel ordering a lasagne.

480. On the right one, I've got Susie

481. shouting her two favourite nine letter words,

482. which are GUMSHIELD and BOLLOCKS.

483. But she spells BOLLOCKS with two Ss. What a weird woman.

484. So, yeah, let's just do it then, shall we?

485. Let's just get on with it. Last day, fuck it.

486. LET'S PLAY COUNTDOWN!

487. OK, on with the game.

488. Sean and James, your turn to choose the letters.

489. OK. A vowel please.

490. You'll have to do it yourself, I've got to empty my desk.

491. Here...

492. A.

493. I'll have another vowel, please.

494. O. Another vowel.

495. Another vowel.

496. I.

497. Another vowel.

498. E.

499. Consonant, please.

500. N.

501. Consonant, please.

502. G.

503. Consonant, please.

504. It's weird what you accumulate. T...

505. Consonant, please.

506. F.

507. And another consonant, please.

508. And the last one...

509. S.

510. OK, your time starts now.

511. I'm a strong and powerful woman.

512. I'm a strong and powerful woman.

513. Sean, how many letters? 8.

514. James?

515. 6. Ooh, for James.

516. Jon? 8.

517. Kevin? 7.

518. OK, er, James, what was your 6?

519. Er, SIGNET.

520. Good, of course, yes, good for 6.

521. SIGNET.

522. Kevin, what was your 7?

523. Er, FASTING.

524. As in to, like, run fast, you're fasting.

525. Not AS good when you expand on it, but OK.

526. Jon, your 8?

527. FEASTING.

528. Feasting, oh! Really good.

529. That's what I got as well. Excellent.

530. I've got O'FEASTING. That's, erm, Irish for FEASTING.

531. I'll tell you what Jimmy, I'm just going to pop these in my van.

532. OK, 8 points to both teams.

533. Peter, Susie, could they have done any better?

534. I've got a 9, that, er...

535. I think it's a word, but I'm not sure how to pronounce it.

536. ABDICATEES. ABDICATEES?

537. ABDICATEES. Yeah.

538. Yeah? Yeah. 9 letters.

539. Yeah.

540. Anything else, Susie?

541. Er, if you're not ABDICATEEing, you could be tangoing,

542. so TANGOES is there for 7. OK.

543. So, at the end of...

544. What are you drinking there?

545. Water.

546. Lovely can of water.

547. Yeah, water. Have you not seen the new water brand?

548. It's just water, it's lovely.

549. Yes, but...

550. I mean it's...

551. it's from a canal, so it's a bit...

552. You're just rehydrating, are you? I wouldn't normally with water...

553. but it's so watery, I'd say, "Cheers."

554. OK, so at the end of that, Sean and James have 19,

555. Jon and Kevin have 28.

556. Onto another numbers round, OK, Jon and Kevin,

557. you're to pick the numbers.

558. Erm, anything but 75 really.

559. I can't be arsed to help.

560. Er, it's my last day so I've brought in a board game,

561. like you do at school.

562. Basically I've brought in the new Countdown board game.

563. It looks a little bit like Mouse Trap.

564. Yeah, it does look a bit like Mouse Trap, but it is different,

565. because our mouse is holding a little calculator.

566. You know that...

567. calculators aren't actually allowed on Countdown.

568. So now - now it's just Mouse Trap.

569. It's just Trap now.

570. OK. Jon.

571. 1 big.

572. 1 big. 1 big and 5 small. OK.

573. Right, and these numbers are 5, 10, 2, 7, another 2 and 50.

574. And the target, 491.

575. OK, your time starts now.

576. OK, so, your target was 491, what did you get?

577. Sean?

578. Er, 491.

579. James?

580. Well, I think 491.

581. OK, Jon?

582. I also think 491.

583. Kevin?

584. Erm...

585. I think 491.

586. Lot of confusion. OK, James, how did you do it?

587. 5 times 10.

588. 5 times 10. OK.

589. 5... really?

590. 5 times 10 is 50.

591. No.

592. I know, sorry. OK...

593. He did a lovely painting earlier.

594. Of a boat, and there were seagulls.

595. OK, I've fucked up.

596. Yeah, no. What was it? 50 times 10, what did you do?

597. That's what I meant.

598. That's what you meant, fine. That's what you meant, yeah.

599. Yeah, 50 times 10 is 500, minus 7, minus 2.

600. Yep, lovely, well done. 491.

601. Did you do it the same way, yeah?

602. I was trying to go for, like, a trick shot.

603. 5 plus 2 is 7, times 7 is 49, times 10 is 490,

604. and I just don't know how to get that 1.

605. Can 50 divide by itself maybe?

606. If you cut the 0 in half,

607. stretch it out, bend it, you've got a 1.

608. Is there a trick shot, Rachel?

609. What, another way of doing it?

610. Something like, really, "Whoa.

611. "How did she get that?"

612. Well, you could have, you could have done 50 times 5.

613. "Whoa, how did she get that?"

614. That's how I feel when I see her with Joe Wilkinson over there.

615. She's landed on her feet, mate.

616. You could have done that one.

617. If you want to use ALL the numbers.

618. Well that's the one I had, that's how I got it.

619. OK. That's how I got conf...

620. Jon, Sean?

621. Same, really.

622. 10 times 50 is 500... Yep. 2 times 5 is 10, minus 2.

623. And Jon, did you get it?

624. We did it the same way, Jimmy.

625. Did you? I want to hear it from him.

626. I can't remember what voice he has.

627. "We did it the same way."

628. He does sound different.

629. "Does he? Do I?"

630. It's harder than it looks, this ventriloquism.

631. OK, 10 points to both teams, there.

632. Well done.

633. Racking up the points.

634. Can't believe I said that.

635. The scores at the moment, Sean and James have 29,

636. Jon and Kevin have 38.

637. Time now to go across to dictionary corner.

638. Peter, what have you got for us?

639. Well, er, when I agreed to be on the show,

640. they said I could read something, read something from a book,

641. you know, as long as it had some kind of literary merit,

642. you know, it's a show about words and everything.

643. So, erm...

644. I thought I'd read an extract from the Morrissey autobiography.

645. Just because I'm a fan and, you know, it's just really...

646. it's really interesting and it's extremely well-written.

647. So, erm, here's my take on the Morrissey autobiography.

648. "I think the genius of the show

649. "was that it did exactly what it said on the tin.

650. "Men Behaving Badly.

651. "It was about two men whose behaviour was...

652. "well, let's just say it left a lot to be desired.

653. "I remember those days very fondly, it was really good fun.

654. "In fact, it was brilliant.

655. "Sitting on the sofa, watching porn on the telly,

656. "having a couple of beers, talking about wanking,

657. "trying to cop off with Leslie Ash,

658. "and then the car would pick us up to take us to the studio,

659. "and we'd have to film the show.

660. "I don't really keep in touch with Clunesy any more,

661. "but he's off being all successful and everything.

662. "He was brilliant in Gravity.

663. "He looks very handsome these days.

664. "I think he might have had his ears done.

665. "Good on you, Clunesy." Thank you.

666. Peter Serafinowicz everyone.

667. And here is your final teaser.

668. The words are KEV DROOP

669. and the clue is "poke a stick at it, and see what happens."

670. That's KEV DROOP, poke a stick at it, see what happens.

671. See you after the break.

672. Welcome back. The answer to the teaser - the words were KEV DROOP

673. and the clue was, "poke a stick at it and see what happens".

674. It was, of course, PROVOKED.

675. OK, time for our final letters game.

676. Jon and Kevin, your turn to choose.

677. Is Count Downs all right?

678. He's very tired now.

679. It's very late for him.

680. Shall we count down to bedtime?

681. OK.

682. Five, four, three, two, one.

683. Okey-doke.

684. Really makes your hands sweaty.

685. You do this, mate.

686. Me? I trust you implicitly.

687. A consonant, then.

688. R

689. Vowel.

690. U

691. And now a consonant.

692. D

693. Ooh! Ooh, that noise means, Kevin,

694. you've won this week's mystery prize!

695. This week's mystery prize is...

696. a crystal ball reading!

697. Right...

698. Can't smoke in here, mate.

699. Ooh, it's coming through, Kevin.

700. Yep, it's getting clearer.

701. It says...

702. ...you've left your hallway light on.

703. I'm sorry I couldn't be any more help.

704. Let's play Countdown!

705. And we'll have another vowel, please.

706. E!

707. And a consonant, please.

708. N

709. And another vowel, please.

710. O

711. And a consonant, please.

712. S

713. And another consonant, please.

714. V

715. And a vowel, please.

716. And the last one...

717. A

718. OK, your time starts now.

719. How many have you got, Sean?

720. Six.

721. James? Five.

722. Jon? Maybe a seven.

723. Ooh. Kevin?

724. Erm, it's complicated to say at this point.

725. I don't want to rush you, I don't want to...

726. have you got a number on it, do you think?

727. No. Well, I got VENUS,

728. and then I spent the rest of the time trying to find SERENA.

729. Because I thought it would be quite good to get Venus and Serena,

730. so I just went for SUAVE.

731. James, your five?

732. OK, Sean, your six?

733. Oh!

734. You're useless!

735. OK, Jon, your seven?

736. I don't know if I spelt this right.

737. Yeah. How did you spell it?

738. However you thought I spelt it...

739. A-S-U-N-D-E-R.

740. Brilliant, very good.

741. Seven points there to Jon.

742. Peter, Susie, could they have done any better?

743. Uh, well, we got a couple of sevens.

744. RESOUND, DEVOURS, SOUNDER,

745. and an eight - ABDICATE for eight.

746. Hang on, no. ABDICATES.

747. ABDICATES. Nine.

748. OK. So Sean and James have 29,

749. Jon and Kevin have 45.

750. Fingers on buzzers - it's time

751. for today's Countdown conundrum.

752. James?

753. Well, no-one was expecting that.

754. Oh!

755. Look at his little face, he's thrilled.

756. No-one was expecting... Not good with the numbers, Jimmy,

757. but when it comes to ... BJUGATE...

758. Yeah, I think that calls for a...

759. Oh!

760. Everybody!

761. So the final scores are, Sean and James have a very creditable 39,

762. but tonight's winners, with 45, are Jon and Kevin.

763. Congratulations, you're now the proud owners

764. of this Countdown alarm clock.

765. Thanks to all our panellists, our wonderful studio audience

766. and to all of you for watching at home, that's it from us, good night!