1. This programme contains strong
language and adult humour
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2. Tonight on 8 Out of 10 Cats
does Countdown...
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3. Sean Lock!
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4. Jon Richardson!
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5. Kathy Burke!
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6. Josh Widdicombe!
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7. Dara O Briain!
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8. Susie Dent!
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9. And Rachel Riley!
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10. Now welcome your host
Ji-I-I-I-immy Car-r-r-rr!
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11. Hello and welcome
to 8 Out of 10 Cats does Countdown,
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12. a show all about letters,
numbers and conundrums.
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13. Did you know, for example,
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14. the word infinity means something
that goes on for ever,
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15. like the vastness of space, or my
girlfriend telling me about her day.
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16. The technical term for snapping
your fingers is fillip,
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17. so that... is a fillip
and if you snap your fingers
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18. while shouting,
"Come here, Gunga Din!"
it's known as a Prince Philip.
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19. And the word escalate didn't exist
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20. until the invention
of the escalator in 1944.
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21. A bit like the word blubbernaut
which didn't exist
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22. until 1994
when your mum let herself go.
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23. Right, let's get started!
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24. OK, let's meet tonight's players.
First up, it's Sean Lock.
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25. Sean Lock.
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26. After a string
of defeats in Countdown,
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27. it's time Sean's luck changed, so
fingers crossed he somehow magically
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28. gets cleverer this evening.
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29. Ah, ha, ha.
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30. Sean's been performing comedy
since the early '90s,
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31. back when Jon was just a whiny
little kid in embarrassing clothes
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32. who cried at any little thing -
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33. God can you imagine
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34. How did I get sucked into that?
These are his ones.
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35. There's just so many for you.
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36. Joining Sean tonight
it's Kathy Burke. Hooray.
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37. Kathy famously played Perry -
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38. an immature childish
prepubescent teenager,
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39. a role since taken on
by Josh Widdicombe.
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40. These are their ones!
What's happening?
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41. Up against them this evening
it's Jon Richardson.
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42. Jon once described himself
as a perfectionist who finds
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43. failure difficult to handle -
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44. I just wish we'd known that before
we partnered him with Josh.
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45. These are his ones!
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46. Jon's team mate is Josh Widdicombe.
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47. Josh is, of course, one
of the regulars on The Last Leg
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48. with Adam Hills and Alex Brooker.
In case you're wondering,
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49. Josh's disability
is he's from Devon.
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50. Are you a Countdown fan, Josh?
I, um... I'm a fan of countdowns.
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51. Space shuttles, New Year's Eve,
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52. the end of a football match,
that kind of situation.
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53. So, I enjoy the clock element.
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54. Although the clock does count up,
doesn't it? It does.
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55. Yeah. That's a really good point.
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56. Yeah, the whole show
is completely flawed.
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57. Because it should be
called Count Up.
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58. So, do you prefer letters
or numbers, if you had to pick?
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59. Er, numbers,
but I can read so I'm, you know...
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60. I can count higher than I can read.
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61. Kathy, are you a fan of Countdown?
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62. Er, yeah.
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63. Come on,
you're a better actress than that!
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64. No, I am. I used to watch in
the olden days with Mr Whiteley
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65. and, yeah, no, I watch it
now and again, yeah.
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66. Are you good on numbers
or letters or...? No.
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67. No, I'm sort of good at words,
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68. I'm sort of the opposite to Josh.
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69. I'm good at words
but I can't count.
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70. Sean,
you feeling confident this evening?
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71. Well, no there's no point
in that, is there?
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72. I've realised that the only thing
this show tests is my patience!
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73. Do you know what I'd be
much better at?
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74. If we did a mixture of 8 Out of 10
Cats Does 24 hours In A&E.
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75. I'd be quite good at that.
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76. Do you feel like you're getting
any better at it?
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77. Well, I've finally realised
how long 30 seconds is.
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78. Well, you can't get better at it.
Maybe you could practise it but,
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79. Christ, what sort of person
would do that?
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80. Jon, Josh?
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81. So, Jon and Josh,
you're friends in real life...
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82. You always say we're friends
in real life
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83. and I think you just judged us
because we're both slightly nerdy.
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84. No, I don't think of you
as being SLIGHTLY nerdy.
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85. I think full-on nerd!
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86. I was listening to the radio
the other day and Susie,
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87. you were about to do a piece
on how the meaning of the word geek
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88. has changed which I unfortunately
missed because I was about to hit
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89. a multiple of 10,000 on my milometer
and I was staring so rigidly at it...
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90. Ironically, I missed what you were
about to say about the word geek.
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91. Yeah, it's very cool.
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92. A geek used to be a freak show
performer who used to bite
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93. the heads off live chickens.
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94. And then, in the techie days
it got transferred to people
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95. who were obsessive
but now it's cool,
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96. geek chic's in and I think
you're a geek not a nerd.
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97. Geek not a nerd, what's a nerd?
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98. I think a nerd is a bit dweeby.
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99. It's more Josh!
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100. Josh, have you got a mascot
this evening?
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101. I have, um, I watched this
and Jon, um, once brought out
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102. a certificate that he got at school
for being extra special.
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103. And at my school
I didn't get that but...
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104. They don't just give them out, mate.
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105. At my school they do,
because everyone had to have a prize
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106. so they'd be best at football,
or best at science,
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107. and I got the good egg award.
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108. So I've got that to remind me, like,
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109. when I'm rubbish
at least I'm a good egg.
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110. It says college - isn't college
like higher education?
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111. No, my secondary school was called
South Dartmoor Community College
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112. because it had a 6th form,
but I was...
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113. But even so, I mean,
mine was primary school, mate.
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114. I would have been 12.
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115. Oh, dear.
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116. I think if Jon is pitying you,
you're in trouble.
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117. Team spirit has
gone right down then.
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118. And also, for the record,
they've mis-spelled my surname.
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119. Yeah, but they knew you'd be
a good egg about it, didn't they?
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120. Kathy, have you got a mascot?
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121. I did get a certificate
at the same age, 12,
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122. but it was a good head award.
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123. A good head award?
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124. Can't talk about that nowadays,
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125. but in the '80s it was fine.
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126. But no, I brought that, that's mine.
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127. That's a really well-known brand
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128. Yeah.
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129. Where's that from?
I don't know that one, Saratoff.
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130. No, no, it's from the pound shop.
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131. Jon, have you got a mascot
this week?
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132. Well, not so much a mascot,
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133. but I thought you would label
Josh and I as nerds
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134. and I thought, if I was
organising Josh's stag do,
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135. this is probably what I'd do.
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136. So I thought we'd go
a full stag on it.
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137. You made a quiche?
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138. People think I'm not fun,
so I've brought in some booze.
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139. This is my...
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140. What is that?
That's conund-rum.
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141. Woo, slut, slut, slut, slut, sluts.
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142. And then...
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143. A couple of shot glasses and any
time we get a nine-letter word,
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144. look out, ladies!
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145. So if you get a nine-letter word,
you're going to do a shot of rum?
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146. Oh, yes, mate.
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147. OK. Sean, have you got a mascot?
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148. No, I don't have a mascot.
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149. I've got an amazing trick
I'm going to perform.
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150. A feat of prediction.
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151. I've written a word down
in this envelope
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152. and at some point in the show,
someone's going to come up with
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153. that word,
it's going to come up on that board.
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154. I'm going to give this to Rachel
and if Rachel would be
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155. so kind she can open the envelope
and the word that will be up
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156. on the board there
will be in this envelope.
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157. Incredible mind trick.
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158. Well, it's, well, yeah,
it's predictive power
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159. and it won't be...
it won't necessarily.
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160. Whoops!
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161. We don't, we don't need
to re-take that, do we?
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162. I don't think anyone
noticed anything.
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163. I think you really styled it out
there, Sean, nice one!
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164. You can see why magicians
have a sort of patter
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165. and a particular way of doing these.
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166. If you'd be so kind as... Oh, shit!
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167. Thank you, Rachel, and when I say,
I'll give you the nod,
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168. you open that and it'll be a...
I'd better look where I'm going.
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169. Right, OK,
over in Dictionary Corner,
we've got Dara O Briain!
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170. Dara is a comic mastermind,
a maths genius,
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171. Ireland's greatest lover and can
do 200 press-ups in a minute.
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172. He also writes
his own introductions.
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173. Do you watch Countdown?
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174. Yeah. I'm terrible at the
word games, prefer the numbers.
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175. I am also a nerd, I am of the nerds.
I'm also a geek
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176. and now those terms have become so
common that I'm now working on dork.
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177. People who like bands
are saying they're nerds.
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178. "Oh, yeah, I like that band
that you haven't heard of -
I'm quite the nerd."
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179. No, you're not. I went
and did maths in college.
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180. Can you imagine my love life?
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181. You don't get to hang out at gigs
and then wear a T-shirt
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182. with geek across the front of it.
Reclaiming that back again.
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183. I'm looking forward to when
pervert becomes cool.
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184. I'll go, "You're not a pervert!"
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185. With Dara this evening,
of course, Susie Dent.
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186. Susie's first appearance
on Countdown was in 1992
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187. and she's been in
3,000 episodes since.
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188. It's now her lifetime ambition
to do something else,
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189. literally anything else,
seriously anything, please help her.
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190. Any good Irish words?
You've got Dara with you today.
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191. We were looking up begorrah.
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192. Begorrah and bejesus.
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193. If you can find bejesus,
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194. no-one in Ireland
says either behorrah or bejesus.
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195. Bejesus at least has a common usage
to beat the bejesus out of somebody.
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196. Is feck in there?
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197. Feck is not like fuck.
Feck has no sexual content.
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198. Oh, I've had a few of those.
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199. It says, used...
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200. "...As a euphemism for fuck",
which is incorrect!
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201. Can you say it
on Irish television?
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202. Yeah, you wouldn't
open the news with "Feck!"
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203. You wouldn't, at the end of the
evening, "Have a lovely feck."
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204. To feck something
is to throw it or to propel it.
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205. You'd feck something over the wall.
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206. I've never fecked
anything over a wall.
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207. And in charge of the numbers,
it's Rachel Riley!
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208. What's the biggest difference
between regular Countdown
and Cats Does Countdown?
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209. Well, people aren't really ashamed
to be on here, cos before Josh
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210. came out, he was really excited
backstage about coming on Countdown.
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211. I'm still excited now, don't,
don't act like I'm acting all cool.
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212. When you say you're really
excited to Rachel,
if you could not point at your dick!
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213. That would just be terrific.
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214. Now OK, tonight the prize the teams
will be competing for is this -
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215. a complete set of Countdown towels.
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216. Fancy those, Jon?
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217. After they've been washed, yeah.
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218. OK, everyone, let's Countdown.
Time for the first game.
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219. Jon and Josh, you're
the first to pick the letters.
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220. I'll have a consonant, please.
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221. Thank you, Josh. Start with R.
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222. Exactly what I would have done.
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223. And another consonant please.
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224. S
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225. Excellent. A vowel.
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226. O
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227. Yeah.
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228. Is it all, all going all
right for you so far, Jon?
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229. Spot on, mate, spot on.
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230. Another consonant.
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231. P
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232. Oh. Can already taste the rum.
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233. A vowel.
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234. E
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235. A vowel.
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236. I
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237. A consonant.
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238. D
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239. Um, how many more? Two.
One of each. Consonant first.
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240. T and the last one,
this does look good.
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241. U
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242. Does look good.
OK, and your time starts now.
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243. Jon, what have you got?
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244. Look at me
if you're going to talk to me.
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245. All right, how many...
how many letters?
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246. I'm going to go for a nine.
What?
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247. A nine, OK, Josh?
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248. I was really pleased with my seven.
But now...
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249. Kathy? Six.
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250. Sean? Six.
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251. OK, well, let's,
let's hear them. Josh?
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252. Um, well, Jimmy...
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253. Jimmy!
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254. Sorry, Josh.
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255. Get out!
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256. Sorry, Josh, what was that?
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257. STRIPED. STRIPED.
Sean, what have you got?
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258. I just had PRIEST.
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259. Kathy got a seven but she didn't
realise it was a seven.
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260. Because I can't count.
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261. That's OK, that's the numbers
round, that's a different one.
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262. But I've got a seven letter.
What did you get, Kathy?
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263. TRIPODS. Wow.
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264. I'm afraid, Kathy, I've just
been told you said six,
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265. so we can't give you anything
for that seven. Oh, fuck off!
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266. Go on. All right,
Kathy, as you're new,
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267. we'll let you have it this time.
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268. OK, Jon, your nine?
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269. You know when you put a spirit
into a glass? In the olden days
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270. they would say you were a pourist,
instead of a barman.
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271. So you poured the beer after you...
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272. Jon, Jon, I'll stop you there,
you haven't got a nine.
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273. Do you want a shot, or not?
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274. You're ruining my stag do, mate.
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275. After you've POURISTED
the beer, you'd,
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276. they'd say you really
POURISTED that well.
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277. Susie, can you have POURISTED?
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278. Oh, so sadly not, no.
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279. You can't even be a pourist.
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280. OK, seven points to both teams.
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281. Dara, Susie,
what could they have had?
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282. I only got as far
as DUSTIER which is a seven,
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283. which was trumped by her one,
OUTSIDER,
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284. which is an eight and then
a small frisson of excitement
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285. there is a nine-letter word.
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286. Ooh. Let's get the rum ready.
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287. Yeah, can we have a shot,
can we get a shot? No!
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288. And that word is that commonly-used
phrase DIPTEROUS.
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289. Oh, DIPTEROUS. Ahh!
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290. It means relating to flies
of the order Diptera
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291. and those are things like
mosquitoes and tsetse flies.
Not very nice things.
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292. It's a nine, everyone, come on.
It's a nine, it's a nine there.
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293. On to our first numbers round.
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294. OK, Sean, Kathy,
your turn to pick the numbers.
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295. Two big ones,
if that's all right with you. Yeah.
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296. And four little ones, please.
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297. Two big ones,
four little ones coming up
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298. and for the first time,
the numbers are 10, 7,
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299. 4 and another 10 and the large
two 25 and 50
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300. and your target,
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301. 868.
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302. OK, your time starts now.
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303. Kathy, what have you got?
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304. 105!
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305. 105. Can you take us
through how you did that?
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306. Yeah, I added the 10,
added the 7 to the 10,
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307. then I added the 4,
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308. then I added the 10,
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309. then I added the 25
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310. and then I added the 50.
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311. 105.
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312. Well, that's yeah...
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313. Is it wrong, is it 106?
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314. You were very close there
to the wrong answer, Kathy,
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315. but I'm afraid even getting
that wrong, you got that wrong.
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316. Sean, how did you do?
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317. I got 825.
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318. 825. Jon? 869.
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319. 869. Close. Josh?
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320. 2,000!
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321. And I haven't written down
my workings,
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322. so I'm starting to question
whether I managed that.
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323. Jon, how did you do it?
10 plus 7 is 17.
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324. Yeah, 17. Right. Times 50.
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325. 850. And then 25 minus 10 is 15.
Yeah.
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326. And add the 4.
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327. And add the 4. Yeah, lovely.
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328. OK. 7 points to Jon.
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329. Rachel, could it be done?
Yeah, um...
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330. Oh, so pleased with yourself!
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331. 50 + 10 = 60
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332. 6010 = 6
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333. + 25 = 31
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334. x 4 = 124
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335. x 7 = 868.
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336. Wow.
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337. OK, so at the end of that,
Sean and Kathy have 7 points,
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338. Jon and Josh have 14.
And here is your teaser.
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339. The words are BUTT SCAR and the
clue is, Please take it away.
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340. That's BUTT SCAR,
Please take it away.
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341. See you after the break!
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342. Welcome back. The answer to the
teaser, the words were BUTT SCAR,
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343. the clue was, please take it away.
It is, of course, SUBTRACT.
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344. So, Jon and Josh are in the lead.
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345. They have been playing
in teams so far,
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346. but this letters round
is just for Kathy and Jon.
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347. Kathy, your turn to choose.
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348. Oh, God. All right.
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349. A vowel, please.
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350. Thank you, Kathy.
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351. I. And another vowel, please.
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352. E
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353. And a consonant, please.
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354. H
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355. And another... consonant...
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356. how do you say it?
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357. G
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358. And a vowel.
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359. A
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360. And a consonant.
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361. R
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362. And a cons-nonant.
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363. And a cons-nonant.
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364. T
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365. Oh, I've got one more. And a vowel.
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366. And the last one...
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367. another E.
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368. OK. And your time starts... now.
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369. Ohhh!
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370. What have you got, Jon?
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371. Er... nine.
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372. Excellent. OK, Kathy.
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373. Five. Five.
Well, let's hear your five.
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374. Jon, your nine?
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375. Well, when ... mmy...
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376. when you write with a pencil,
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377. you are a GRAPHITER,
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378. but if you write on someone,
that person is the GRAPHITEE.
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379. Nine, please! Nine, please.
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380. Thirsty work.
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381. There's GRAPHITISE, GRAPHITIC,
GRAPHITISATION, GRAPHOLOGY,
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382. but no GRAPHITEE.
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383. OK, so no shot for Jon,
and five points to Kathy.
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384. Dara, Susie, could they
have done any better?
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385. No, by the looks of it.
I had GRIPE,
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386. at which point that piece of paper
was handed to me with HERITAGE
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387. and GRAPHITE written on it. OK.
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388. At the end of that,
Sean and Kathy have 12 points,
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389. Jon and Josh have 14.
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390. Now time for Sean and Josh
to go head to head.
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391. Josh, your turn to pick the numbers.
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392. One big one and five small ones.
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393. One big, five small.
Correct. Thank you.
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394. OK. The numbers for this round,
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395. we've got 8, 4,
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396. 6, 1,
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397. another 6 and 100.
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398. And the target to reach,
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399. 111
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400. OK, your time starts...
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401. Now. I can do this!
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402. Does anyone need the full time
on this?
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403. I've done it.
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404. Just Sean and Josh on this.
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405. Come on, Sean, you can do this.
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406. Ohhh.
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407. Josh.
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408. Well, 111, actually.
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409. 111. Excellent news. Sean.
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410. Er... 111.
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411. Josh, will you take me through
how you did it?
Copy !req
412. 100. 100.
Copy !req
413. 100 + 6
Copy !req
414. 106
Copy !req
415. 106 - 6
Copy !req
416. 100
Copy !req
417. 100 + 8
Copy !req
418. 108
Copy !req
419. 108 + 4
Copy !req
420. 112
Copy !req
421. 112 - I
Copy !req
422. Well done.
Copy !req
423. Very nice.
Copy !req
424. That means...
Copy !req
425. I can't give bonus points
for style there, but very nice.
Copy !req
426. Sean, how did you do it?
Copy !req
427. Yeah, just the easy way, I did.
Copy !req
428. 100 + 6 + 4 + 1
Copy !req
429. Yeah, lovely. 111.
Copy !req
430. Ten points for both teams.
Copy !req
431. Time to go to Dictionary Corner.
Dara, what have you got for us?
Copy !req
432. It was interesting, the conversation
about Irish words,
Copy !req
433. cos there are many
that haven't travelled across
Copy !req
434. and aren't in there, for example.
Copy !req
435. There is one word, though,
that I really wish you had here,
Copy !req
436. that is very common, particularly
in Dublin. And it's the word "gee".
Copy !req
437. Because gee
is kind of our word for...
Copy !req
438. It's like a really sweet word
for fanny in Ireland.
Copy !req
439. You know, or lady garden,
or, you know... bits.
Copy !req
440. But it is a word
which is really common in Dublin,
Copy !req
441. one that we really wish you had,
if for no other reason,
Copy !req
442. one of your major telecommunications
companies, in the last year,
Copy !req
443. I think it was Orange,
changed their name to EE,
Copy !req
444. so now there are EE shops
on every high street in the UK.
Copy !req
445. Right? But this is the same time
Copy !req
446. - they introduced 4
- G
into the country as well.
Copy !req
447. So all over the country
there are massive posters
Copy !req
448. with the hashtag #4gee.
Copy !req
449. And if you're Irish,
this is hilariously funny.
Copy !req
450. We support the general concept...
Copy !req
451. Yeah. "For gee."
We are all for gee...
Copy !req
452. It's like a company coming
over here and going, #2fanny,
Copy !req
453. with a big hashtag.
Copy !req
454. But 4gee, particularly
if you look at that one again,
Copy !req
455. it says "#4gee is superfast.
Copy !req
456. "Strap in..."
Copy !req
457. And I've often strapped in for gee.
Copy !req
458. Ladies and gentlemen, Dara O Briain.
Copy !req
459. So the scores at the moment,
Sean and Kathy are on 22,
Copy !req
460. Jon and Josh have 24.
Copy !req
461. And here is your teaser.
Copy !req
462. The words are LUBE DONG,
and the clue is, give it a whack.
Copy !req
463. LUBE DONG. Give it a whack.
See you after the break.
Copy !req
464. Welcome back.
Copy !req
465. The answer to the teaser -
the words were LUBE DONG,
Copy !req
466. and the clue was - give it a whack.
Copy !req
467. It was, of course, BLUDGEON.
Copy !req
468. OK, before we move on,
it's time to say hello
Copy !req
469. to Joe Wilkinson, everyone!
Copy !req
470. Come on, girls, up you get,
up you get.
Copy !req
471. Joe?
Copy !req
472. Joe, why have you got
a load of people with you?
Copy !req
473. Oh, yeah, I've been promoted.
Again! Huh!
Copy !req
474. Uh, I'm now...
Copy !req
475. Well, I'm like the tour guide
for Countdown.
Copy !req
476. We're in the middle of a tour,
just taking this lot round.
Copy !req
477. I've shown them the lavs, um,
Copy !req
478. I've shown them where Rachel
gets drunk before the show,
Copy !req
479. and, uh, so now we'll show them
the studio.
Copy !req
480. So just have a wander, if you like.
Copy !req
481. Few points of interest.
Copy !req
482. That's Sean there, girls.
Copy !req
483. That's Jon -
he's now sexually active.
Copy !req
484. Believe it or not.
And, uh, that's Jimmy.
Copy !req
485. I don't know why I bother,
they don't listen.
Copy !req
486. That's Jimmy, he's not actually
real, he's remote-controlled.
Copy !req
487. And Matt here, he controls them
with his controller, girls.
Copy !req
488. He controls him.
Copy !req
489. Do you want to make Jimmy wave
with both hands and say,
Copy !req
490. "I've been a good little boy."
Copy !req
491. I've been a good little boy,
I've been a good little boy,
Copy !req
492. I've been a good little boy.
Copy !req
493. Sorry, Joe, they've got to go, we've
got to crack on with the show, mate.
Copy !req
494. Can I keep one?
Copy !req
495. Go on, then.
Copy !req
496. Uh...
Copy !req
497. It's tense, but I'm going to go
for Dotty, she's the best kisser.
Copy !req
498. I'll see you back at the coach,
girls.
Copy !req
499. Right, LET'S PLAY COUNTDOWN!
Copy !req
500. OK, on with the game.
Copy !req
501. Jon and Josh,
your turn to pick the letters.
Copy !req
502. Actually, hold on,
I just need to make it official.
Copy !req
503. We can't do the first round, we're
in the middle of some knitting.
Copy !req
504. We're knitting
new jousting stick holders.
Copy !req
505. A bit ambitious,
but you try stopping her.
Copy !req
506. Jon.
Copy !req
507. I'll have a vowel, please.
Copy !req
508. Good choice.
Copy !req
509. U
Copy !req
510. Uh, and a consonant, please.
Copy !req
511. You're on fire.
Copy !req
512. R
Copy !req
513. And a vowel, please.
Copy !req
514. E
Copy !req
515. A consonant, please.
Copy !req
516. L
Copy !req
517. And another consonant.
Copy !req
518. S
Copy !req
519. Uh, and another vowel, please.
Copy !req
520. A
Copy !req
521. And a consonant, please.
Copy !req
522. B
Copy !req
523. And another consonant.
Copy !req
524. M
Copy !req
525. And a vowel, please.
Copy !req
526. And the last one...
Copy !req
527. E
Copy !req
528. And your time starts now.
Copy !req
529. He was looking for Nick Hewer.
Copy !req
530. Oh, she was worried for a minute,
though, wasn't she?
Copy !req
531. Kathy, what have you got?
Copy !req
532. Uh one, two, three, four,
five, six... seven!
Copy !req
533. Ooh.
Copy !req
534. Sean, what have you got?
Copy !req
535. Six.
Copy !req
536. Josh, what have you got? Five.
Copy !req
537. Five. OK, and then Jon.
Copy !req
538. Nine!
Copy !req
539. Got a nine, everyone.
Well, Josh, let's hear your five.
Copy !req
540. RULES. Sean, your six?
Copy !req
541. BLAMES. Kathy, your seven?
Copy !req
542. Oooh!
Copy !req
543. Your nine, Jon?
Copy !req
544. Well, Jimmy, I do a lot of
building work at weekends.
Copy !req
545. I do, I knock
through, something like that.
Copy !req
546. And when you're putting a beam
in a house you can't just put it in,
Copy !req
547. you've got to obey the BEAMRULES,
Copy !req
548. and that's it, BEAMRULES.
Copy !req
549. Susie, BEAMRULES is in there, right?
Copy !req
550. Yeah, it's in!
Copy !req
551. It's not really.
Copy !req
552. You can't lie to me!
Copy !req
553. I thought you could have a drink
and then I could tell you.
Copy !req
554. I genuinely believed you.
Copy !req
555. I did! Yeah.
Copy !req
556. The amazing thing is, I'd like you
now to open that card, Rachel,
Copy !req
557. and I think you'll find
the word in there is BEAMRULES.
Copy !req
558. OK, well, this is extraordinary.
It is extraordinary.
Copy !req
559. OK, no-one has seen that card move,
Copy !req
560. we've all been keeping an eye on it.
Copy !req
561. It's got Santa on it.
Copy !req
562. Oh.
Copy !req
563. What does it say, Rachel?
Copy !req
564. To Brian and Margaret,
Merry Christmas...
Copy !req
565. Anything else?
Copy !req
566. "Merry Christmas,
you pair of tossers..."
Copy !req
567. "... from Sean from next door."
Copy !req
568. Sean, what's...?
Copy !req
569. I know what happened now.
Copy !req
570. Brian and Margaret have got a card
with BEAMRULES written on it.
Copy !req
571. I suppose in the long run
it's better.
Copy !req
572. Nobody will understand
the amazing feats
Copy !req
573. that I performed here today.
Copy !req
574. And Brian and Margaret,
they won't give you the card back
Copy !req
575. because we don't get on.
Copy !req
576. It's a long-running conifer dispute.
Copy !req
577. It's got pretty ugly,
cos it's shade AND roots.
Copy !req
578. OK. Jon, you can't have BEAMRULES,
I'm afraid, for a nine.
Copy !req
579. So, Kathy,
that means you get seven points.
Copy !req
580. Dara, Susie,
could they have done any better?
Copy !req
581. MARBLES, and REUSABLE,
which is an eight.
Copy !req
582. Ooh, REUSABLE.
Copy !req
583. So, Kathy,
you've got seven points there.
Copy !req
584. You're now in the lead,
how do you think it's going?
Copy !req
585. I think it's going great.
Copy !req
586. Cos he went to university.
Copy !req
587. Did you go to university?
Copy !req
588. For a bit.
Copy !req
589. Yeah. Did you go to university?
Copy !req
590. Nah, we didn't go to university,
and we're winning.
Copy !req
591. So at the end of that,
Jon and Josh have 24 points,
Copy !req
592. Sean and Kathy
are in the lead with 29.
Copy !req
593. On to another numbers round.
Copy !req
594. OK, Sean and Kathy,
your pick of the numbers.
Copy !req
595. Two from the top
and four from the bottom.
Copy !req
596. Thank you, Sean.
Two big ones, four little ones.
Copy !req
597. And this time the little ones are
7, 10,
Copy !req
598. another 7...
Fancy going clubbing later?
Copy !req
599. ... and 6.
Copy !req
600. And the big ones, 75, 25.
Copy !req
601. And the target, 923.
Copy !req
602. And your time starts now.
Copy !req
603. Josh, what have you got?
Copy !req
604. 930
Copy !req
605. Jon, what have you got?
Copy !req
606. 926
Copy !req
607. OK, Sean, what have you got?
Copy !req
608. Bleh.
Copy !req
609. Kathy?
Copy !req
610. Nah.
Copy !req
611. OK, Jon, how did you get 926?
Copy !req
612. 25 + 75 = 100
Copy !req
613. 6.
Copy !req
614. It's funny now, isn't it?
Now I've got it wrong?
Copy !req
615. Having a good time at this game!
Copy !req
616. Times by 10.
Copy !req
617. 94 x 10 = 940
Copy !req
618. And then take away the two 7s.
Copy !req
619. And take away the two 7s, Yeah. 926.
Copy !req
620. So seven points to Jon there.
Copy !req
621. Dara, you're something of a maths
genius, come on, did you get it?
Copy !req
622. No, um... Well, OK.
Copy !req
623. 25 - 7 = 18
Copy !req
624. Add that to the 75... For 93.
Copy !req
625. 93 x 10 = 930
Copy !req
626. Take away the 7...
Copy !req
627. Take away the other 7, 923,
well done.
Copy !req
628. The scores at the moment - Sean and
Kathy have 29, Jon and Josh have 31.
Copy !req
629. And here's your final teaser.
Copy !req
630. The words are EAT SHITE,
Copy !req
631. and the clue is -
think twice about it.
Copy !req
632. That's EAT SHITE -
think twice about it.
Copy !req
633. See you after the break.
Copy !req
634. Welcome back. The answer to the
teaser - the words were EAT SHITE
Copy !req
635. and the clue was,
think twice about it.
Copy !req
636. It was, of course, HESITATE.
Copy !req
637. OK, Kathy,
your turn to pick the letters.
Copy !req
638. A vowel, please.
Copy !req
639. O
Copy !req
640. Vowel.
Copy !req
641. I
Copy !req
642. Vowel.
Copy !req
643. O
Copy !req
644. Consonant, please.
Copy !req
645. S
Copy !req
646. Consonant, please.
Copy !req
647. R
Copy !req
648. Consonant.
Copy !req
649. N
Copy !req
650. Consonant.
Copy !req
651. D
Copy !req
652. Um... vowel.
Copy !req
653. E
Copy !req
654. Uh... and a consonant.
Copy !req
655. And the last one, another D.
Copy !req
656. Oh. And your time starts now.
Copy !req
657. Sean, what have you got?
Copy !req
658. Well, I think I've got a seven.
Copy !req
659. Kathy? Six.
Copy !req
660. Jon? Nine.
Copy !req
661. OK, Josh, what have you got?
Copy !req
662. Uh, I'm so confident in Jon
that I'm going to go with a two.
Copy !req
663. What's your two, Josh?
Copy !req
664. OI
Copy !req
665. I stopped listening
after the second letter.
Copy !req
666. OK, you've got a two there,
that's safe. Kathy, your six?
Copy !req
667. Well, I dunno, it's a bit dodgy.
Copy !req
668. She was NUDIER than him.
Copy !req
669. Uh, no, NUDIE is in.
And it would be NUDER, NUDER.
Copy !req
670. Oh. Sorry, Kathy.
Copy !req
671. Sean?
Copy !req
672. Brilliant, very, very good. Yep.
Copy !req
673. Let's not get carried away,
let's hear the nine. Uh, Jon.
Copy !req
674. You're actually going to kick
yourself, Sean.
Copy !req
675. You were so nearly there.
Copy !req
676. It's how do you get out
in the event of a fire -
Copy !req
677. you go through the fire doors.
Copy !req
678. How do you get into a restaurant,
through the DINEDOORS.
Copy !req
679. The DINEDOORS, of course, DINEDOORS.
Copy !req
680. Susie, DINEDOORS?
Copy !req
681. It's not there.
Copy !req
682. OK, so that's seven points to Sean.
Copy !req
683. OK, so Jon and Josh are at 31, Sean
and Kathy have 36. Very close.
Copy !req
684. Dara, Susie,
could they have done any better?
Copy !req
685. I only got as far as six
because the six I got was RODEOS
Copy !req
686. and I was so happy
I started thinking about RODEOS.
Copy !req
687. We're not topping seven,
which Sean got. No.
Copy !req
688. OK, time for our final letters game.
Copy !req
689. Jon and Josh, your turn to choose.
Copy !req
690. Uh, vowel, why not?
Copy !req
691. I'll do it, sod it.
Thanks, Joe. There you go.
Copy !req
692. A consonant.
Copy !req
693. Yeah, fine.
Copy !req
694. There you go, pop it in over here.
Copy !req
695. I'll have a vowel, please, Joe.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Copy !req
696. ON!
Copy !req
697. I'll have a consonant, please, Joe.
All right, hold on.
Copy !req
698. I'll just have a sit down.
Copy !req
699. If you get... That could be GONAD.
Copy !req
700. Well, I'm definitely going to go
with a consonant.
Copy !req
701. Yes, that's happening!
Copy !req
702. Come on, we need a plural,
let's go plural.
Copy !req
703. You want a consonant, Joe, come on.
Copy !req
704. Let's go home. Let's go home!
Copy !req
705. Joe...
Copy !req
706. Start the clock.
Copy !req
707. Consonant.
Copy !req
708. No, it's not as good.
Copy !req
709. X GONADS.
Copy !req
710. Is that what happens
when you're castrated? Um...
Copy !req
711. Let's go vowel, let's go vowel.
Copy !req
712. Let's go vowel.
Copy !req
713. If this is an E,
I'm taking my top off.
Copy !req
714. Whatever you want, Joe.
Copy !req
715. And, uh, your final letter is...
Copy !req
716. And your time starts now.
Copy !req
717. Sean, what have you got?
Copy !req
718. How many, how many letters?
Copy !req
719. Six. OK, Kathy.
Copy !req
720. How many letters, Kathy? Six.
Copy !req
721. Josh? Six.
Copy !req
722. I think I know what you've got.
Copy !req
723. Two of them, mate.
Copy !req
724. Jon?
Copy !req
725. Nine.
Copy !req
726. OK, let me just check in with Josh.
Copy !req
727. It's GONADS.
Copy !req
728. Jon, your nine?
Copy !req
729. When you break up with someone who's
into kinky sex, you are SADOEXING.
Copy !req
730. SADOEXING, Susie, that's
a word in the dictionary, isn't it?
Copy !req
731. Pretty sure. I love this job.
Copy !req
732. It's got SADOMASOCHISM, quite
boringly. Well, not boringly,
Copy !req
733. but, yeah.
Copy !req
734. No, it's not there, Jon, I'm sorry.
Copy !req
735. So six points to both teams
for GONADS.
Copy !req
736. Dara, Susie,
could they have done any better?
Copy !req
737. AGONISED, for eight letters.
Copy !req
738. AGONISED - oh, it was there.
Copy !req
739. OK, so uh, Jon and Josh have 37,
Sean and Kathy have 42.
Copy !req
740. So.
Copy !req
741. This doesn't often happen
on Cats Does Countdown,
Copy !req
742. but we have a crucial Countdown
conundrum, OK? Fingers on buzzers,
Copy !req
743. it's time for today's
Crucial Countdown Conundrum.
Copy !req
744. Time starts now.
Copy !req
745. Aargh.
Copy !req
746. Worst stag do ever.
Copy !req
747. Let's have a look at the answer.
Copy !req
748. ARTHRITIS, so easy.
Copy !req
749. I got it, I was trying to buzz.
Copy !req
750. So incredibly,
the final scores are,
Copy !req
751. Jon and Josh have 37, but tonight's
winners with 42 are Sean and Kathy.
Copy !req
752. Congratulations to you both.
You can have those.
Copy !req
753. You're now the proud owners of a
complete set of Countdown towels.
Copy !req
754. Thanks to all our panellists,
our studio audience
Copy !req
755. and to all of you
for watching at home.
Copy !req
756. That's it from us, good night.
Copy !req