8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown: Season 3, Episode 3

1. This programme contains strong language and adult humour

2. Tonight on 8 Out of 10 Cats does Countdown...

3. Sean Lock!

4. Jon Richardson!

5. Kathy Burke!

6. Josh Widdicombe!

7. Dara O Briain!

8. Susie Dent!

9. And Rachel Riley!

10. Now welcome your host Ji-I-I-I-immy Car-r-r-rr!

11. Hello and welcome to 8 Out of 10 Cats does Countdown,

12. a show all about letters, numbers and conundrums.

13. Did you know, for example,

14. the word infinity means something that goes on for ever,

15. like the vastness of space, or my girlfriend telling me about her day.

16. The technical term for snapping your fingers is fillip,

17. so that... is a fillip and if you snap your fingers

18. while shouting, "Come here, Gunga Din!" it's known as a Prince Philip.

19. And the word escalate didn't exist

20. until the invention of the escalator in 1944.

21. A bit like the word blubbernaut which didn't exist

22. until 1994 when your mum let herself go.

23. Right, let's get started!

24. OK, let's meet tonight's players. First up, it's Sean Lock.

25. Sean Lock.

26. After a string of defeats in Countdown,

27. it's time Sean's luck changed, so fingers crossed he somehow magically

28. gets cleverer this evening.

29. Ah, ha, ha.

30. Sean's been performing comedy since the early '90s,

31. back when Jon was just a whiny little kid in embarrassing clothes

32. who cried at any little thing -

33. God can you imagine

34. How did I get sucked into that? These are his ones.

35. There's just so many for you.

36. Joining Sean tonight it's Kathy Burke. Hooray.

37. Kathy famously played Perry -

38. an immature childish prepubescent teenager,

39. a role since taken on by Josh Widdicombe.

40. These are their ones! What's happening?

41. Up against them this evening it's Jon Richardson.

42. Jon once described himself as a perfectionist who finds

43. failure difficult to handle -

44. I just wish we'd known that before we partnered him with Josh.

45. These are his ones!

46. Jon's team mate is Josh Widdicombe.

47. Josh is, of course, one of the regulars on The Last Leg

48. with Adam Hills and Alex Brooker. In case you're wondering,

49. Josh's disability is he's from Devon.

50. Are you a Countdown fan, Josh? I, um... I'm a fan of countdowns.

51. Space shuttles, New Year's Eve,

52. the end of a football match, that kind of situation.

53. So, I enjoy the clock element.

54. Although the clock does count up, doesn't it? It does.

55. Yeah. That's a really good point.

56. Yeah, the whole show is completely flawed.

57. Because it should be called Count Up.

58. So, do you prefer letters or numbers, if you had to pick?

59. Er, numbers, but I can read so I'm, you know...

60. I can count higher than I can read.

61. Kathy, are you a fan of Countdown?

62. Er, yeah.

63. Come on, you're a better actress than that!

64. No, I am. I used to watch in the olden days with Mr Whiteley

65. and, yeah, no, I watch it now and again, yeah.

66. Are you good on numbers or letters or...? No.

67. No, I'm sort of good at words,

68. I'm sort of the opposite to Josh.

69. I'm good at words but I can't count.

70. Sean, you feeling confident this evening?

71. Well, no there's no point in that, is there?

72. I've realised that the only thing this show tests is my patience!

73. Do you know what I'd be much better at?

74. If we did a mixture of 8 Out of 10 Cats Does 24 hours In A&E.

75. I'd be quite good at that.

76. Do you feel like you're getting any better at it?

77. Well, I've finally realised how long 30 seconds is.

78. Well, you can't get better at it. Maybe you could practise it but,

79. Christ, what sort of person would do that?

80. Jon, Josh?

81. So, Jon and Josh, you're friends in real life...

82. You always say we're friends in real life

83. and I think you just judged us because we're both slightly nerdy.

84. No, I don't think of you as being SLIGHTLY nerdy.

85. I think full-on nerd!

86. I was listening to the radio the other day and Susie,

87. you were about to do a piece on how the meaning of the word geek

88. has changed which I unfortunately missed because I was about to hit

89. a multiple of 10,000 on my milometer and I was staring so rigidly at it...

90. Ironically, I missed what you were about to say about the word geek.

91. Yeah, it's very cool.

92. A geek used to be a freak show performer who used to bite

93. the heads off live chickens.

94. And then, in the techie days it got transferred to people

95. who were obsessive but now it's cool,

96. geek chic's in and I think you're a geek not a nerd.

97. Geek not a nerd, what's a nerd?

98. I think a nerd is a bit dweeby.

99. It's more Josh!

100. Josh, have you got a mascot this evening?

101. I have, um, I watched this and Jon, um, once brought out

102. a certificate that he got at school for being extra special.

103. And at my school I didn't get that but...

104. They don't just give them out, mate.

105. At my school they do, because everyone had to have a prize

106. so they'd be best at football, or best at science,

107. and I got the good egg award.

108. So I've got that to remind me, like,

109. when I'm rubbish at least I'm a good egg.

110. It says college - isn't college like higher education?

111. No, my secondary school was called South Dartmoor Community College

112. because it had a 6th form, but I was...

113. But even so, I mean, mine was primary school, mate.

114. I would have been 12.

115. Oh, dear.

116. I think if Jon is pitying you, you're in trouble.

117. Team spirit has gone right down then.

118. And also, for the record, they've mis-spelled my surname.

119. Yeah, but they knew you'd be a good egg about it, didn't they?

120. Kathy, have you got a mascot?

121. I did get a certificate at the same age, 12,

122. but it was a good head award.

123. A good head award?

124. Can't talk about that nowadays,

125. but in the '80s it was fine.

126. But no, I brought that, that's mine.

127. That's a really well-known brand

128. Yeah.

129. Where's that from? I don't know that one, Saratoff.

130. No, no, it's from the pound shop.

131. Jon, have you got a mascot this week?

132. Well, not so much a mascot,

133. but I thought you would label Josh and I as nerds

134. and I thought, if I was organising Josh's stag do,

135. this is probably what I'd do.

136. So I thought we'd go a full stag on it.

137. You made a quiche?

138. People think I'm not fun, so I've brought in some booze.

139. This is my...

140. What is that? That's conund-rum.

141. Woo, slut, slut, slut, slut, sluts.

142. And then...

143. A couple of shot glasses and any time we get a nine-letter word,

144. look out, ladies!

145. So if you get a nine-letter word, you're going to do a shot of rum?

146. Oh, yes, mate.

147. OK. Sean, have you got a mascot?

148. No, I don't have a mascot.

149. I've got an amazing trick I'm going to perform.

150. A feat of prediction.

151. I've written a word down in this envelope

152. and at some point in the show, someone's going to come up with

153. that word, it's going to come up on that board.

154. I'm going to give this to Rachel and if Rachel would be

155. so kind she can open the envelope and the word that will be up

156. on the board there will be in this envelope.

157. Incredible mind trick.

158. Well, it's, well, yeah, it's predictive power

159. and it won't be... it won't necessarily.

160. Whoops!

161. We don't, we don't need to re-take that, do we?

162. I don't think anyone noticed anything.

163. I think you really styled it out there, Sean, nice one!

164. You can see why magicians have a sort of patter

165. and a particular way of doing these.

166. If you'd be so kind as... Oh, shit!

167. Thank you, Rachel, and when I say, I'll give you the nod,

168. you open that and it'll be a... I'd better look where I'm going.

169. Right, OK, over in Dictionary Corner, we've got Dara O Briain!

170. Dara is a comic mastermind, a maths genius,

171. Ireland's greatest lover and can do 200 press-ups in a minute.

172. He also writes his own introductions.

173. Do you watch Countdown?

174. Yeah. I'm terrible at the word games, prefer the numbers.

175. I am also a nerd, I am of the nerds. I'm also a geek

176. and now those terms have become so common that I'm now working on dork.

177. People who like bands are saying they're nerds.

178. "Oh, yeah, I like that band that you haven't heard of - I'm quite the nerd."

179. No, you're not. I went and did maths in college.

180. Can you imagine my love life?

181. You don't get to hang out at gigs and then wear a T-shirt

182. with geek across the front of it. Reclaiming that back again.

183. I'm looking forward to when pervert becomes cool.

184. I'll go, "You're not a pervert!"

185. With Dara this evening, of course, Susie Dent.

186. Susie's first appearance on Countdown was in 1992

187. and she's been in 3,000 episodes since.

188. It's now her lifetime ambition to do something else,

189. literally anything else, seriously anything, please help her.

190. Any good Irish words? You've got Dara with you today.

191. We were looking up begorrah.

192. Begorrah and bejesus.

193. If you can find bejesus,

194. no-one in Ireland says either behorrah or bejesus.

195. Bejesus at least has a common usage to beat the bejesus out of somebody.

196. Is feck in there?

197. Feck is not like fuck. Feck has no sexual content.

198. Oh, I've had a few of those.

199. It says, used...

200. "...As a euphemism for fuck", which is incorrect!

201. Can you say it on Irish television?

202. Yeah, you wouldn't open the news with "Feck!"

203. You wouldn't, at the end of the evening, "Have a lovely feck."

204. To feck something is to throw it or to propel it.

205. You'd feck something over the wall.

206. I've never fecked anything over a wall.

207. And in charge of the numbers, it's Rachel Riley!

208. What's the biggest difference between regular Countdown and Cats Does Countdown?

209. Well, people aren't really ashamed to be on here, cos before Josh

210. came out, he was really excited backstage about coming on Countdown.

211. I'm still excited now, don't, don't act like I'm acting all cool.

212. When you say you're really excited to Rachel, if you could not point at your dick!

213. That would just be terrific.

214. Now OK, tonight the prize the teams will be competing for is this -

215. a complete set of Countdown towels.

216. Fancy those, Jon?

217. After they've been washed, yeah.

218. OK, everyone, let's Countdown. Time for the first game.

219. Jon and Josh, you're the first to pick the letters.

220. I'll have a consonant, please.

221. Thank you, Josh. Start with R.

222. Exactly what I would have done.

223. And another consonant please.

224. S

225. Excellent. A vowel.

226. O

227. Yeah.

228. Is it all, all going all right for you so far, Jon?

229. Spot on, mate, spot on.

230. Another consonant.

231. P

232. Oh. Can already taste the rum.

233. A vowel.

234. E

235. A vowel.

236. I

237. A consonant.

238. D

239. Um, how many more? Two. One of each. Consonant first.

240. T and the last one, this does look good.

241. U

242. Does look good. OK, and your time starts now.

243. Jon, what have you got?

244. Look at me if you're going to talk to me.

245. All right, how many... how many letters?

246. I'm going to go for a nine. What?

247. A nine, OK, Josh?

248. I was really pleased with my seven. But now...

249. Kathy? Six.

250. Sean? Six.

251. OK, well, let's, let's hear them. Josh?

252. Um, well, Jimmy...

253. Jimmy!

254. Sorry, Josh.

255. Get out!

256. Sorry, Josh, what was that?

257. STRIPED. STRIPED. Sean, what have you got?

258. I just had PRIEST.

259. Kathy got a seven but she didn't realise it was a seven.

260. Because I can't count.

261. That's OK, that's the numbers round, that's a different one.

262. But I've got a seven letter. What did you get, Kathy?

263. TRIPODS. Wow.

264. I'm afraid, Kathy, I've just been told you said six,

265. so we can't give you anything for that seven. Oh, fuck off!

266. Go on. All right, Kathy, as you're new,

267. we'll let you have it this time.

268. OK, Jon, your nine?

269. You know when you put a spirit into a glass? In the olden days

270. they would say you were a pourist, instead of a barman.

271. So you poured the beer after you...

272. Jon, Jon, I'll stop you there, you haven't got a nine.

273. Do you want a shot, or not?

274. You're ruining my stag do, mate.

275. After you've POURISTED the beer, you'd,

276. they'd say you really POURISTED that well.

277. Susie, can you have POURISTED?

278. Oh, so sadly not, no.

279. You can't even be a pourist.

280. OK, seven points to both teams.

281. Dara, Susie, what could they have had?

282. I only got as far as DUSTIER which is a seven,

283. which was trumped by her one, OUTSIDER,

284. which is an eight and then a small frisson of excitement

285. there is a nine-letter word.

286. Ooh. Let's get the rum ready.

287. Yeah, can we have a shot, can we get a shot? No!

288. And that word is that commonly-used phrase DIPTEROUS.

289. Oh, DIPTEROUS. Ahh!

290. It means relating to flies of the order Diptera

291. and those are things like mosquitoes and tsetse flies. Not very nice things.

292. It's a nine, everyone, come on. It's a nine, it's a nine there.

293. On to our first numbers round.

294. OK, Sean, Kathy, your turn to pick the numbers.

295. Two big ones, if that's all right with you. Yeah.

296. And four little ones, please.

297. Two big ones, four little ones coming up

298. and for the first time, the numbers are 10, 7,

299. 4 and another 10 and the large two 25 and 50

300. and your target,

301. 868.

302. OK, your time starts now.

303. Kathy, what have you got?

304. 105!

305. 105. Can you take us through how you did that?

306. Yeah, I added the 10, added the 7 to the 10,

307. then I added the 4,

308. then I added the 10,

309. then I added the 25

310. and then I added the 50.

311. 105.

312. Well, that's yeah...

313. Is it wrong, is it 106?

314. You were very close there to the wrong answer, Kathy,

315. but I'm afraid even getting that wrong, you got that wrong.

316. Sean, how did you do?

317. I got 825.

318. 825. Jon? 869.

319. 869. Close. Josh?

320. 2,000!

321. And I haven't written down my workings,

322. so I'm starting to question whether I managed that.

323. Jon, how did you do it? 10 plus 7 is 17.

324. Yeah, 17. Right. Times 50.

325. 850. And then 25 minus 10 is 15. Yeah.

326. And add the 4.

327. And add the 4. Yeah, lovely.

328. OK. 7 points to Jon.

329. Rachel, could it be done? Yeah, um...

330. Oh, so pleased with yourself!

331. 50 + 10 = 60

332. 6010 = 6

333. + 25 = 31

334. x 4 = 124

335. x 7 = 868.

336. Wow.

337. OK, so at the end of that, Sean and Kathy have 7 points,

338. Jon and Josh have 14. And here is your teaser.

339. The words are BUTT SCAR and the clue is, Please take it away.

340. That's BUTT SCAR, Please take it away.

341. See you after the break!

342. Welcome back. The answer to the teaser, the words were BUTT SCAR,

343. the clue was, please take it away. It is, of course, SUBTRACT.

344. So, Jon and Josh are in the lead.

345. They have been playing in teams so far,

346. but this letters round is just for Kathy and Jon.

347. Kathy, your turn to choose.

348. Oh, God. All right.

349. A vowel, please.

350. Thank you, Kathy.

351. I. And another vowel, please.

352. E

353. And a consonant, please.

354. H

355. And another... consonant...

356. how do you say it?

357. G

358. And a vowel.

359. A

360. And a consonant.

361. R

362. And a cons-nonant.

363. And a cons-nonant.

364. T

365. Oh, I've got one more. And a vowel.

366. And the last one...

367. another E.

368. OK. And your time starts... now.

369. Ohhh!

370. What have you got, Jon?

371. Er... nine.

372. Excellent. OK, Kathy.

373. Five. Five. Well, let's hear your five.

374. Jon, your nine?

375. Well, when ... mmy...

376. when you write with a pencil,

377. you are a GRAPHITER,

378. but if you write on someone, that person is the GRAPHITEE.

379. Nine, please! Nine, please.

380. Thirsty work.

381. There's GRAPHITISE, GRAPHITIC, GRAPHITISATION, GRAPHOLOGY,

382. but no GRAPHITEE.

383. OK, so no shot for Jon, and five points to Kathy.

384. Dara, Susie, could they have done any better?

385. No, by the looks of it. I had GRIPE,

386. at which point that piece of paper was handed to me with HERITAGE

387. and GRAPHITE written on it. OK.

388. At the end of that, Sean and Kathy have 12 points,

389. Jon and Josh have 14.

390. Now time for Sean and Josh to go head to head.

391. Josh, your turn to pick the numbers.

392. One big one and five small ones.

393. One big, five small. Correct. Thank you.

394. OK. The numbers for this round,

395. we've got 8, 4,

396. 6, 1,

397. another 6 and 100.

398. And the target to reach,

399. 111

400. OK, your time starts...

401. Now. I can do this!

402. Does anyone need the full time on this?

403. I've done it.

404. Just Sean and Josh on this.

405. Come on, Sean, you can do this.

406. Ohhh.

407. Josh.

408. Well, 111, actually.

409. 111. Excellent news. Sean.

410. Er... 111.

411. Josh, will you take me through how you did it?

412. 100. 100.

413. 100 + 6

414. 106

415. 106 - 6

416. 100

417. 100 + 8

418. 108

419. 108 + 4

420. 112

421. 112 - I

422. Well done.

423. Very nice.

424. That means...

425. I can't give bonus points for style there, but very nice.

426. Sean, how did you do it?

427. Yeah, just the easy way, I did.

428. 100 + 6 + 4 + 1

429. Yeah, lovely. 111.

430. Ten points for both teams.

431. Time to go to Dictionary Corner. Dara, what have you got for us?

432. It was interesting, the conversation about Irish words,

433. cos there are many that haven't travelled across

434. and aren't in there, for example.

435. There is one word, though, that I really wish you had here,

436. that is very common, particularly in Dublin. And it's the word "gee".

437. Because gee is kind of our word for...

438. It's like a really sweet word for fanny in Ireland.

439. You know, or lady garden, or, you know... bits.

440. But it is a word which is really common in Dublin,

441. one that we really wish you had, if for no other reason,

442. one of your major telecommunications companies, in the last year,

443. I think it was Orange, changed their name to EE,

444. so now there are EE shops on every high street in the UK.

445. Right? But this is the same time

446. - they introduced 4 - G into the country as well.

447. So all over the country there are massive posters

448. with the hashtag #4gee.

449. And if you're Irish, this is hilariously funny.

450. We support the general concept...

451. Yeah. "For gee." We are all for gee...

452. It's like a company coming over here and going, #2fanny,

453. with a big hashtag.

454. But 4gee, particularly if you look at that one again,

455. it says "#4gee is superfast.

456. "Strap in..."

457. And I've often strapped in for gee.

458. Ladies and gentlemen, Dara O Briain.

459. So the scores at the moment, Sean and Kathy are on 22,

460. Jon and Josh have 24.

461. And here is your teaser.

462. The words are LUBE DONG, and the clue is, give it a whack.

463. LUBE DONG. Give it a whack. See you after the break.

464. Welcome back.

465. The answer to the teaser - the words were LUBE DONG,

466. and the clue was - give it a whack.

467. It was, of course, BLUDGEON.

468. OK, before we move on, it's time to say hello

469. to Joe Wilkinson, everyone!

470. Come on, girls, up you get, up you get.

471. Joe?

472. Joe, why have you got a load of people with you?

473. Oh, yeah, I've been promoted. Again! Huh!

474. Uh, I'm now...

475. Well, I'm like the tour guide for Countdown.

476. We're in the middle of a tour, just taking this lot round.

477. I've shown them the lavs, um,

478. I've shown them where Rachel gets drunk before the show,

479. and, uh, so now we'll show them the studio.

480. So just have a wander, if you like.

481. Few points of interest.

482. That's Sean there, girls.

483. That's Jon - he's now sexually active.

484. Believe it or not. And, uh, that's Jimmy.

485. I don't know why I bother, they don't listen.

486. That's Jimmy, he's not actually real, he's remote-controlled.

487. And Matt here, he controls them with his controller, girls.

488. He controls him.

489. Do you want to make Jimmy wave with both hands and say,

490. "I've been a good little boy."

491. I've been a good little boy, I've been a good little boy,

492. I've been a good little boy.

493. Sorry, Joe, they've got to go, we've got to crack on with the show, mate.

494. Can I keep one?

495. Go on, then.

496. Uh...

497. It's tense, but I'm going to go for Dotty, she's the best kisser.

498. I'll see you back at the coach, girls.

499. Right, LET'S PLAY COUNTDOWN!

500. OK, on with the game.

501. Jon and Josh, your turn to pick the letters.

502. Actually, hold on, I just need to make it official.

503. We can't do the first round, we're in the middle of some knitting.

504. We're knitting new jousting stick holders.

505. A bit ambitious, but you try stopping her.

506. Jon.

507. I'll have a vowel, please.

508. Good choice.

509. U

510. Uh, and a consonant, please.

511. You're on fire.

512. R

513. And a vowel, please.

514. E

515. A consonant, please.

516. L

517. And another consonant.

518. S

519. Uh, and another vowel, please.

520. A

521. And a consonant, please.

522. B

523. And another consonant.

524. M

525. And a vowel, please.

526. And the last one...

527. E

528. And your time starts now.

529. He was looking for Nick Hewer.

530. Oh, she was worried for a minute, though, wasn't she?

531. Kathy, what have you got?

532. Uh one, two, three, four, five, six... seven!

533. Ooh.

534. Sean, what have you got?

535. Six.

536. Josh, what have you got? Five.

537. Five. OK, and then Jon.

538. Nine!

539. Got a nine, everyone. Well, Josh, let's hear your five.

540. RULES. Sean, your six?

541. BLAMES. Kathy, your seven?

542. Oooh!

543. Your nine, Jon?

544. Well, Jimmy, I do a lot of building work at weekends.

545. I do, I knock through, something like that.

546. And when you're putting a beam in a house you can't just put it in,

547. you've got to obey the BEAMRULES,

548. and that's it, BEAMRULES.

549. Susie, BEAMRULES is in there, right?

550. Yeah, it's in!

551. It's not really.

552. You can't lie to me!

553. I thought you could have a drink and then I could tell you.

554. I genuinely believed you.

555. I did! Yeah.

556. The amazing thing is, I'd like you now to open that card, Rachel,

557. and I think you'll find the word in there is BEAMRULES.

558. OK, well, this is extraordinary. It is extraordinary.

559. OK, no-one has seen that card move,

560. we've all been keeping an eye on it.

561. It's got Santa on it.

562. Oh.

563. What does it say, Rachel?

564. To Brian and Margaret, Merry Christmas...

565. Anything else?

566. "Merry Christmas, you pair of tossers..."

567. "... from Sean from next door."

568. Sean, what's...?

569. I know what happened now.

570. Brian and Margaret have got a card with BEAMRULES written on it.

571. I suppose in the long run it's better.

572. Nobody will understand the amazing feats

573. that I performed here today.

574. And Brian and Margaret, they won't give you the card back

575. because we don't get on.

576. It's a long-running conifer dispute.

577. It's got pretty ugly, cos it's shade AND roots.

578. OK. Jon, you can't have BEAMRULES, I'm afraid, for a nine.

579. So, Kathy, that means you get seven points.

580. Dara, Susie, could they have done any better?

581. MARBLES, and REUSABLE, which is an eight.

582. Ooh, REUSABLE.

583. So, Kathy, you've got seven points there.

584. You're now in the lead, how do you think it's going?

585. I think it's going great.

586. Cos he went to university.

587. Did you go to university?

588. For a bit.

589. Yeah. Did you go to university?

590. Nah, we didn't go to university, and we're winning.

591. So at the end of that, Jon and Josh have 24 points,

592. Sean and Kathy are in the lead with 29.

593. On to another numbers round.

594. OK, Sean and Kathy, your pick of the numbers.

595. Two from the top and four from the bottom.

596. Thank you, Sean. Two big ones, four little ones.

597. And this time the little ones are 7, 10,

598. another 7... Fancy going clubbing later?

599. ... and 6.

600. And the big ones, 75, 25.

601. And the target, 923.

602. And your time starts now.

603. Josh, what have you got?

604. 930

605. Jon, what have you got?

606. 926

607. OK, Sean, what have you got?

608. Bleh.

609. Kathy?

610. Nah.

611. OK, Jon, how did you get 926?

612. 25 + 75 = 100

613. 6.

614. It's funny now, isn't it? Now I've got it wrong?

615. Having a good time at this game!

616. Times by 10.

617. 94 x 10 = 940

618. And then take away the two 7s.

619. And take away the two 7s, Yeah. 926.

620. So seven points to Jon there.

621. Dara, you're something of a maths genius, come on, did you get it?

622. No, um... Well, OK.

623. 25 - 7 = 18

624. Add that to the 75... For 93.

625. 93 x 10 = 930

626. Take away the 7...

627. Take away the other 7, 923, well done.

628. The scores at the moment - Sean and Kathy have 29, Jon and Josh have 31.

629. And here's your final teaser.

630. The words are EAT SHITE,

631. and the clue is - think twice about it.

632. That's EAT SHITE - think twice about it.

633. See you after the break.

634. Welcome back. The answer to the teaser - the words were EAT SHITE

635. and the clue was, think twice about it.

636. It was, of course, HESITATE.

637. OK, Kathy, your turn to pick the letters.

638. A vowel, please.

639. O

640. Vowel.

641. I

642. Vowel.

643. O

644. Consonant, please.

645. S

646. Consonant, please.

647. R

648. Consonant.

649. N

650. Consonant.

651. D

652. Um... vowel.

653. E

654. Uh... and a consonant.

655. And the last one, another D.

656. Oh. And your time starts now.

657. Sean, what have you got?

658. Well, I think I've got a seven.

659. Kathy? Six.

660. Jon? Nine.

661. OK, Josh, what have you got?

662. Uh, I'm so confident in Jon that I'm going to go with a two.

663. What's your two, Josh?

664. OI

665. I stopped listening after the second letter.

666. OK, you've got a two there, that's safe. Kathy, your six?

667. Well, I dunno, it's a bit dodgy.

668. She was NUDIER than him.

669. Uh, no, NUDIE is in. And it would be NUDER, NUDER.

670. Oh. Sorry, Kathy.

671. Sean?

672. Brilliant, very, very good. Yep.

673. Let's not get carried away, let's hear the nine. Uh, Jon.

674. You're actually going to kick yourself, Sean.

675. You were so nearly there.

676. It's how do you get out in the event of a fire -

677. you go through the fire doors.

678. How do you get into a restaurant, through the DINEDOORS.

679. The DINEDOORS, of course, DINEDOORS.

680. Susie, DINEDOORS?

681. It's not there.

682. OK, so that's seven points to Sean.

683. OK, so Jon and Josh are at 31, Sean and Kathy have 36. Very close.

684. Dara, Susie, could they have done any better?

685. I only got as far as six because the six I got was RODEOS

686. and I was so happy I started thinking about RODEOS.

687. We're not topping seven, which Sean got. No.

688. OK, time for our final letters game.

689. Jon and Josh, your turn to choose.

690. Uh, vowel, why not?

691. I'll do it, sod it. Thanks, Joe. There you go.

692. A consonant.

693. Yeah, fine.

694. There you go, pop it in over here.

695. I'll have a vowel, please, Joe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

696. ON!

697. I'll have a consonant, please, Joe. All right, hold on.

698. I'll just have a sit down.

699. If you get... That could be GONAD.

700. Well, I'm definitely going to go with a consonant.

701. Yes, that's happening!

702. Come on, we need a plural, let's go plural.

703. You want a consonant, Joe, come on.

704. Let's go home. Let's go home!

705. Joe...

706. Start the clock.

707. Consonant.

708. No, it's not as good.

709. X GONADS.

710. Is that what happens when you're castrated? Um...

711. Let's go vowel, let's go vowel.

712. Let's go vowel.

713. If this is an E, I'm taking my top off.

714. Whatever you want, Joe.

715. And, uh, your final letter is...

716. And your time starts now.

717. Sean, what have you got?

718. How many, how many letters?

719. Six. OK, Kathy.

720. How many letters, Kathy? Six.

721. Josh? Six.

722. I think I know what you've got.

723. Two of them, mate.

724. Jon?

725. Nine.

726. OK, let me just check in with Josh.

727. It's GONADS.

728. Jon, your nine?

729. When you break up with someone who's into kinky sex, you are SADOEXING.

730. SADOEXING, Susie, that's a word in the dictionary, isn't it?

731. Pretty sure. I love this job.

732. It's got SADOMASOCHISM, quite boringly. Well, not boringly,

733. but, yeah.

734. No, it's not there, Jon, I'm sorry.

735. So six points to both teams for GONADS.

736. Dara, Susie, could they have done any better?

737. AGONISED, for eight letters.

738. AGONISED - oh, it was there.

739. OK, so uh, Jon and Josh have 37, Sean and Kathy have 42.

740. So.

741. This doesn't often happen on Cats Does Countdown,

742. but we have a crucial Countdown conundrum, OK? Fingers on buzzers,

743. it's time for today's Crucial Countdown Conundrum.

744. Time starts now.

745. Aargh.

746. Worst stag do ever.

747. Let's have a look at the answer.

748. ARTHRITIS, so easy.

749. I got it, I was trying to buzz.

750. So incredibly, the final scores are,

751. Jon and Josh have 37, but tonight's winners with 42 are Sean and Kathy.

752. Congratulations to you both. You can have those.

753. You're now the proud owners of a complete set of Countdown towels.

754. Thanks to all our panellists, our studio audience

755. and to all of you for watching at home.

756. That's it from us, good night.