8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown: Season 3, Episode 2

1. This programme contains strong language and adult humour.

2. Tonight on 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown,

3. Jon Richardson,

4. Sean Lock,

5. Miles Jupp,

6. Aisling Bea,

7. Nick Helm,

8. Susie Dent

9. and Rachel Riley.

10. Now, welcome your host, Jimmy Carr!

11. Hello, and welcome to 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown,

12. a show all about letters, numbers and conundrums.

13. Did you know, for example,

14. the average Brit knows about 50,000 words

15. but for some reason they can't remember any of them

16. whilst playing along with Countdown.

17. Americans call mathematics "math",

18. arguing that mathematics functions as a singular noun,

19. so "math" should be singular too.

20. But then again, they also call bums "fannies", so what do they know?

21. And the world record for the most swear words in a television programme is 201 in a half-hour.

22. And that's the last time Sean's getting invited on Loose Women.

23. Right, let's get started.

24. OK, let's meet tonight's players.

25. First up, it's Jon Richardson.

26. Jon describes himself as a double door checker,

27. as he's paranoid his front door isn't locked.

28. Don't worry, Jon, pretty sure it's locked.

29. You definitely locked it, right?

30. Don't start, because I wasn't the last one out today.

31. I'm sure it'll be fine. Can you smell gas?

32. Did you lock the door, though...? No, I didn't because she's still in

33. and she's told me to stop locking the door when she's in.

34. Have you genuinely locked people in the house?

35. If she's asleep, I'll double lock the door.

36. Anyway, if Jon switched off the stairlift,

37. there's no way she can come down anyway.

38. He might as well lock her in.

39. And joining Jon tonight, it's Aisling Bea. Hello.

40. Wonderful to have Aisling Bea with us tonight.

41. Usually when Channel 4 feature a young Irishwoman,

42. she's wearing a dress like a Christmas tree

43. and marrying a scrap-metal dealer.

44. Up against them this evening, it's Sean Lock.

45. Sean's the kind of guy you'd want on your side in a fight.

46. Particularly if that fight was with Jon Richardson.

47. And Sean's team-mate this evening, it's Miles Jupp.

48. Miles studied Divinity at Edinburgh University,

49. where he got an A... men.

50. Last time you were on, Miles, you were frankly appalling,

51. you were terrible at this game.

52. Have you been practising, have you got any better? Oh, yeah,

53. I was very scolded by what happened last time and I went away and I thought to myself,

54. "You know, I can either focus on paying the mortgage

55. "and enabling my children to eat

56. "or I could get really shit-hot at a load of letters and numbers games

57. "that have no practical use in the real world."

58. There was no... It was not a difficult decision.

59. Are you saying you've got better, or not?

60. Let's not reveal that yet.

61. OK, and how's it feel to be back? Are you happy to be back?

62. Oh, I mean, what a buzz already!

63. How do you feel about having Miles on your team, Sean?

64. It's great. It's great to be back with one of life's winners.

65. Have you got a game plan?

66. Yeah. My game plan tonight is,

67. you know, yeah, puzzles, quizzes and all that,

68. but the most important thing is to bring a little ray of sunshine

69. into somebody's miserable, lonely life at home.

70. Doesn't matter how ill you are, how sad you are, how lonely you feel,

71. if I can bring a little momentary light,

72. a flicker of happiness into your dismal, bleak, endless misery...

73. If you want to cheer someone miserable up, just let Jon win.

74. Yeah. That's going to happen.

75. Aisling, do they have Countdown in Ireland?

76. Yes! I've actually never watched Countdown before.

77. Because I'm not a nerd! No, but...

78. I think I might be brilliant at it,

79. and I think with Jon on the same team, I think we're in

80. with a really good chance of winning on this team.

81. Doesn't sound like we're on the same team, with all your "nerd" chat.

82. I'm very excited to be on Jon's team,

83. I think it's going to go really well. There's no "I" in genius.

84. Miles, Sean, have you got mascots?

85. Oh, er, yes. What have you got?

86. Yeah, I've got... This is actually...

87. It's been in the family for years, this is a, um...

88. This, erm...

89. I've had it since I was very young. My...

90. My grandad gave me this.

91. He was given it himself by a sort of wise woman in a souk

92. in Northern Africa, and he says,

93. "I don't know who this cheeky chappie is, but he'll always bring you luck."

94. I put this on my desk when I did my GCSEs.

95. It was there for all of them.

96. About five general anaesthetics.

97. Just always... Birth of your children. Yeah.

98. It looks like the photo they'll put on Sean's coffin when he dies.

99. Sean, do you have a mascot?

100. I don't have a mascot. Instead, I've gone for a coping mechanism.

101. I find when I lose,

102. which I will lose, there's ways of dealing with it.

103. You can get upset, you can go, "I'm no good at this,"

104. or you can just blow all your troubles away.

105. And a few bubbles can make you put a lot of things into perspective.

106. Oh, for...

107. Ah, for bollocking arses!

108. Oh, there we go.

109. And that I find quite soothing.

110. Jon, do you have a mascot?

111. He's managed to catch... I caught two of his bubbles.

112. You caught two of his bubbles? Oh!

113. It died.

114. Why does everything I touch die?

115. Oh, it bounced!

116. Oh...

117. OK. That was the real me for a minute, there.

118. Jon, what have you got, mascot-wise?

119. I've gone a different way this week.

120. To incentivise myself to victory,

121. I've been sponsored this week by my local curry house -

122. Naando's...

123. The story of Naando's is that they were there before Nando's,

124. and Nando's actually set up next door,

125. and it was Nando's that caught on,

126. so I feel sorry for the guys at Naando's.

127. Naando's sounds great.

128. If I get any points from curry-related words,

129. they'll give me a free curry this evening. Best of luck with that.

130. Aisling, have you got a mascot?

131. Yes, I have brought a picture of my mammy...

132. Aw...

133. ... with me as a baby. My mother loves language and English,

134. and she especially loves punctuation.

135. She'll throw it in anywhere. She's mad for an inverted comma.

136. So, as you see, it's myself and my mother, Irish, both wearing green.

137. On the back she has, "Aisling and Helen. We were always proud to be

138. "'Irish' and loved wearing 'green'."

139. She does it on my birthday cards.

140. She writes things like,

141. "Happy birthday to my wonderful 'daughter'."

142. "What do you mean, 'Mother'?"

143. Did your mum used to be a jockey?

144. She did used to be a jockey, yes.

145. That's not a euphemism. That's a real question.

146. Yeah. I was just the result of a ride that went too far.

147. OK. Over in Dictionary Corner, we've got Nick Helm.

148. Nick is the thinking woman's comedian,

149. if the woman in question is thinking,

150. "I wish that comedian would stop staring at me. He's creepy."

151. How does it feel to be back sitting next to Susie?

152. I don't know. Susie, how does it feel having me back?

153. It's all cool now. Don't worry. It's fine. I'm fine. I'm over it.

154. Oh, good. Are you? Yeah. Yeah.

155. Well, if you're all right with it, that's fine, then.

156. Have you learned any new words since you were last on the show?

157. Um... yes, I've learned a new word. It's a lovely word.

158. Repudiation.

159. Repudiation. Everybody, repudiation. Repudiation.

160. It's nice. It makes me feel good. I'm sure it makes...

161. It's another word for rejection. Rejection.

162. And with Nick, it's the lovely Susie Dent.

163. Susie, you wrote a book about the origins of some English words.

164. Do you have any favourites? I did some great research in Scotland about a man called Andrew Carr.

165. He was left-handed, so he built this castle that was designed for left-handed soldiers,

166. so they would surprise the enemy.

167. There are 150 terms for being left-handed in this small area in Scotland,

168. and one of them is "Carr-fisted".

169. There are lots of variations.

170. So, a castle just for left-handed soldiers? Yes.

171. That surely was a euphemism back in the day?

172. "This is just for the left-handed boys."

173. OK.

174. And in charge of the numbers is Rachel Riley.

175. Rachel was really brainy at school.

176. She got more As than a Scouser trying to break up a fight.

177. "Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh?

178. "Eh? Eh?"

179. Rachel, you are a big Manchester United fan.

180. What's more tense and exciting,

181. watching Man U play or watching these guys play Countdown?

182. There's just no comparison.

183. I used to play Sunday league football,

184. and sometimes they had a beer at half-time.

185. This kind of feels more like that.

186. So, you used to play Sunday league football? Yeah.

187. And you used to have a pint at half-time? We didn't do very well.

188. I've never been interested in going to see the football before,

189. but now... If you're interested in getting into football,

190. you should go and watch Man United this year. It's really funny - they're shit.

191. OK, tonight, the prize the teams will be competing for is this,

192. the Countdown commemorative plate.

193. Oo-ooh!

194. It's a beautiful, beautiful thing.

195. Can you put it in the dishwasher?

196. That is dishwasher safe.

197. OK, everyone, let's count down. Time for our first game.

198. Sean and Miles, you get the first pick of the letters. OK.

199. Vowel.

200. E

201. Vowel.

202. O

203. Vowel.

204. A

205. Vowel.

206. O

207. Consonant.

208. H

209. Consonant.

210. G

211. Consonant... please.

212. D

213. If you may be so kind...

214. I would like a consonant.

215. T

216. And just for luck,

217. I'll have a consonant.

218. P OK. For the first time today,

219. here's the Countdown Clock.

220. That's what you do! That's what you do.

221. What have you got?

222. I got five. What have you got, Jon?

223. I have a six. Oh! OK. Miles?

224. Um... seven.

225. A six and a seven. Sean, what have you got?

226. You haven't got a seven.

227. No, I've got an eight.

228. What...? The numbers round is not looking good.

229. It is a seven, it is a seven!

230. What's that? All... It will all be revealed.

231. OK. OK. I've got a five. You've got a five, OK.

232. What's your five, Aisling?

233. Oh, PAGED. Jon, your six?

234. When I go for a curry, Jimmy...

235. Tell me more, Jon. ... sometimes I pop down Naando's, I have a curry.

236. I don't know if I mentioned it.

237. Some of the sauces are very thin.

238. And usually I would like to have spooned my curry onto the plate,

239. but sometimes I come out and I've had to have GOOPED it.

240. Gooped. Gooped, Susie?

241. Appropriately, it's just there as a noun

242. meaning a stupid person.

243. Sean?

244. Well, I had a five, and then I spotted a six.

245. GATED is my five, but of course you could have had GOATED.

246. When you've been GOATED.

247. What's "GOATED" mean?

248. To be GOATED, it's when you're GOATED, when you, you...

249. In certain Satanic rituals

250. there's a need to turn you into a goat and then you go,

251. "We have GOATED him, we've turned him into a goat."

252. Nick, is that true of Satanic ritual?

253. Yeah, that's true. Thanks, Nick.

254. I thought it was curry that could be GOATED.

255. Going to play it by the rules, are you, Susie?

256. Going to play it by the rules? Going to check, are you?

257. Going to check if it's right?

258. Boring! Why don't you...

259. Why not just go, "Let's have a bit of fun, put GOATED in."

260. LEAVE HER ALONE!

261. Um, you can be a goat, obviously, you can be lecherous man

262. if you're a goat, but also you can be a stupid person

263. if you're a goat, but you can't goat somebody.

264. You can't be GOATED? No.

265. What about if you're making love very vigorously,

266. you say you "go at it".

267. Miles, what was your seven?

268. My word it was, er, PHOTOED.

269. Ah, very good.

270. That's brilliant. PHOTOED. PHOTOED, yeah.

271. Doesn't sound right.

272. It's sort of old-fashioned. "I was PHOTOED."

273. It's old-fashioned. Yeah. Amazing that Miles got that

274. Well done, Miles.

275. So, 7 points to Miles, there.

276. Nick, Susie, what could they have done?

277. They could have had POTHEAD.

278. But they missed it.

279. Go, Potheads!

280. On to our first numbers round.

281. OK, Jon, Aisling, your turn to pick the numbers.

282. What do you think? We pick two big ones, don't we?

283. Two big ones... Two big ones. ... and four little 'uns. Yeah.

284. Two big ones... Two mains

285. and four sides.

286. All of these should be on the takeaway menu

287. if you want to count it.

288. Excellent. Number 10. Yeah.

289. Garlic naan. Number 6.

290. Pilau rice.

291. Number 5. Aloo gobi.

292. Number 9. Saag aloo.

293. Number 50.

294. Oh, chicken korma - lamb jalfrezi!

295. 712 your target,

296. your time starts now.

297. Time's up. Jon, did you get it?

298. I got 715.

299. 715. OK, Aisling how did you do?

300. 679

301. Lovely having you here.

302. Miles?

303. Ooh!

304. Sean?

305. Woo!

306. Miles, 711, how did you get it? Oh...

307. 50 + 25 = 75

308. Am I right?

309. 50 + 25 = 75

310. And what I've done is I've timesed that by 10.

311. For 750.

312. 750, and then I times 5 by 6 and that's 30. Yep.

313. And I subtract that from 750,

314. and then I take off the 9 and that gives me 711.

315. Yeah, very good, one away.

316. So, 7 points to Miles.

317. Rachel could it be done?

318. No, this one's impossible. But one away's a good effort.

319. Wait now, so it's not always possible

320. to get the number at the top? No. Who's in there behind?

321. Just a man swinging them round at random?

322. It's just a random number generator,

323. and they're just tiles, so some of them are impossible.

324. I thought it was done by a computer.

325. Yeah, that really looks like a computer, doesn't it

326. So, at the end of that, Jon and Aisling have no points,

327. Sean and Miles have 14.

328. OK, time to go across to Dictionary Corner.

329. Nick, what have you got for us?

330. Um, well I was going to just pick a poem out of my poetry book

331. and then just read you a poem.

332. That sounds good, OK. Just at random?

333. Just randomly, just randomly...

334. Oh, this one'll do.

335. "Everything was wonderful, Everything was great,

336. "Everything was perfect, Then it turned to hate.

337. "The clouds they started forming, Now she doesn't take my calls,

338. "She pretends that nothing happened, That she's better than it all.

339. "Well, sorry I'm still breathing, Excuse me for sitting here,

340. "Didn't realise my presence Would cause you such a stir.

341. "Am I just a piece of used meat, Chewed up and spat out in the cold,

342. "Sitting here beside me, JUDGING."

343. And that is a poem called

344. Sitting Next To The One That Broke My Heart On Countdown.

345. Very nice.

346. And here's your teaser, the words are LITE SUCK

347. and the clue is - you'll be very fortunate.

348. That's LITE SUCK - you'll be very fortunate.

349. See you after the break.

350. Welcome back. The answer to the teaser...

351. The words were LITE SUCK

352. and the clue was - you'll be very fortunate.

353. It was, of course, LUCKIEST.

354. So, Sean and Miles are in the lead.

355. For this round only, it's Sean against Aisling.

356. Aisling, your turn to choose.

357. Could I get a vowel please, Rachel?

358. Of course.

359. Could I get another vowel, please?

360. Can I get a consonant, please?

361. Oh!

362. All right, looks like my luck's coming in.

363. Can I get...? "Can you have". You can't say get. Rachel's getting them.

364. You can't get it, cos she's got them.

365. All right, Professor Higgins,

366. I'm learning me English slowly but surely.

367. May I please have a vowel, please, Rachel?

368. You may. That's better. Thank you.

369. And another consonant.

370. If it's an N... D.

371. Oh. Could I get a T?

372. Oh, em...

373. Another vowel, please.

374. And a consonant. I can't get any more vowels, can I?

375. You can have one more, I think. Oh, can I have one more?

376. Yeah, you can, go crazy.

377. No, I'll stay sane, and get two more consonants, please.

378. OK, your time starts now.

379. OK, what have you got?

380. Em, I think I've got seven, you know.

381. Sean, what have you got?

382. I've got six. What's your six?

383. SNARED.

384. Good. Aisling?

385. SANDIER.

386. Susie, can she have SANDIER?

387. She definitely can. Brilliant.

388. Oh, get in! 7 points to Aisling.

389. Sometimes, after a really satisfying letters game,

390. I like a small chocolate. Just a little square chocolate.

391. Looks delicious, Jon. You're welcome.

392. Don't thank me, thank the guys at Naando's.

393. Just having one more bit. I've got a really crusty bit. It's delicious.

394. Oh, fucking hell.

395. Do you know how to make a good apple pie? My NAN-DOES.

396. You guys do any better?

397. SARDINE.

398. Same, seven.

399. OK, so, at the end of that, Jon and Aisling have 7,

400. Sean and Miles have 14.

401. Right, time for Jon and Miles to go head to head.

402. Miles, your turn to pick the numbers.

403. Would you mind, awfully, requiring me a big number? And five little ones?

404. Yeah, why not.

405. Right, five small ones...

406. And the target...

407. OK, let's see if Rachel can do this. Your time starts now.

408. Pressure's on, Rachel.

409. Pressure is on.

410. Yes, it is.

411. What have you got there? Is that a hot towel?

412. Honestly, I couldn't manage another number.

413. What did you get there, Jon?

414. 190!

415. Miles? I got 188.

416. Jon, how did you do it?

417. 25 - 5 - I

418. ... times by 10

419. 190!

420. 10 points to Jon.

421. OK, so, Sean and Miles have 14, Jon and Aisling have 17.

422. Time to go across now

423. to what looks like a slightly frosty Dictionary Corner.

424. What have you got for us, Nick?

425. You just... don't get it, Susie!

426. Susie, do you think you'd be able to count on Nick?

427. Consider me thawed.

428. Awww!

429. The scores at the moment.

430. Sean and Miles are on 14, Jon and Aisling are on 17.

431. Here is your teaser.

432. The words are SAD MILES.

433. The clue is - I gave him the wrong impression.

434. That's SAD MILES - I gave him the wrong impression.

435. See you after the break.

436. Welcome back. The answer to the teaser -

437. the words were SAD MILES,

438. and the clue was, I gave him the wrong impression.

439. It was, of course, MISLEADS.

440. OK, before we move on,

441. it's time to welcome the man recently promoted

442. to Countdown's official stuntman, it's Joe Wilkinson.

443. Yep, yep.

444. New Countdown stuntman, so, pretty...

445. What the f...?

446. What the fuck was that?

447. That wasn't planned, you mental case.

448. Joe... Why do we at Countdown need a stuntman?

449. I'm not having a go, Jimmy, but you've seen the show,

450. not a lot happens.

451. Just sit around. It's like an old people's home.

452. So, last week, to sort of, you know, jazz it up a little bit,

453. give it a bit of razzmatazz...

454. That bit. Yeah, I'll eat that later.

455. So, I've got some ideas for the show, to add a bit of drama.

456. Like, I thought...

457. I thought I could, um...

458. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa.

459. Whoa.

460. Right, we're not doing that, then.

461. Sword swallowing.

462. You just open your mouth, I'll just jam it down.

463. No, fine. This is - what is the point?

464. You could bang your head on a breeze block till you black out.

465. It's like you want this show to fail, mate.

466. No, I'm just saying those...

467. If you're not going to do any of the...

468. All right, at the end of the show, rather than that, like,

469. conundrum bollocks,

470. I've agreed to be shot out of a cannon.

471. That's why.

472. Have you... Have you got a cannon?

473. I knew there was something.

474. Do it your way, fuck it.

475. OK, Sean and Miles, your turn to choose the letters.

476. Um...

477. Consonant, please.

478. R.

479. And a vowel.

480. O.

481. Another vowel, please.

482. I.

483. Consonant.

484. T.

485. Consonant.

486. G.

487. And a vowel.

488. E.

489. Consonant.

490. P. Vowel.

491. A.

492. Vowel.

493. Last one... I.

494. Is that all of them?

495. That's all of them. I'd better write them down. Your time starts now.

496. What have you got?

497. Jon?

498. Four.

499. OK, Aisling?

500. I also have a four.

501. Miles?

502. Er, five.

503. Mmm! Sean?

504. Five.

505. Five.

506. OK, what's your four, Jon?

507. Well, Jimmy, sometimes you go for a curry and a naan bread

508. it's just-it's just too much,

509. and you think, "I'll just have a ROTI."

510. Just have a little roti, I mean, yes, we may lose the game,

511. but that's another free curry.

512. Your four, Aisling?

513. I got GAIT as in G-A-I-T.

514. Like your gait. Like your walk, yes.

515. Sean, your five?

516. PAGER. OK, Miles?

517. Er, TIGER. Tiger.

518. Five points to Sean and Miles.

519. Susie, Nick, could they have done any better?

520. Um... Yeah, they could, couldn't they? They could.

521. Yeah. Go for it - you go. No, you do it.

522. No, you go. Honestly, you do it.

523. You do it!

524. Um, you could have a POTAGER. Which is, um...

525. A potager. ...a kitchen garden.

526. Kitchen garden.

527. OK, so, at the end of that,

528. Sean and Miles are in the lead with 19 points.

529. On to another numbers round.

530. OK, Jon and Aisling to pick the numbers.

531. Can I get you to get me, er...

532. two... two big numbers again, Rachel?

533. Two big and four little ones. Yes, please.

534. Are you going to help out with this one?

535. Er, no, I might learn the harp.

536. Thanks, guys.

537. I'd prefer it if you put clothes on, but, you know.

538. You do your thing, you live your lives.

539. Do you think you could...

540. Do you think you could play while I read out the numbers?

541. Yeah, well, I'm-I'm new to it, so...

542. All right, well, I'll just... You start and I'll go.

543. Oh, it's actually a piece of piss.

544. Hang on, I'm just... I don't know about you,

545. but I'm just remembering a Countdown show we did years ago.

546. Thought it'd be hard. 6, 10...

547. 5... 8.

548. It's like an early Oasis song. 75.

549. And the target, 342.

550. Your time starts now.

551. The target was 432, how did you do?

552. Aisling?

553. Um...

554. I... got...

555. Jon, how did you do?

556. Oh, bollocks!

557. I got 340.

558. OK. Miles?

559. 340.

560. Me, too.

561. 340 as well. Aisling?

562. 339.

563. 339. You definitely got that within the time, as well, yeah?

564. Yes, I actually did.

565. I tried to cheat a bit longer

566. but it didn't work. 339. OK.

567. Miles, how did you get 340?

568. 50 x 6 and 5 x 8.

569. 50 x 6 for 300

570. and 5 x 8 for 40, for 340.

571. Jon, how did you do it?

572. Oh, well, I mean his is better.

573. Er... 75 + 10 = 85.

574. 85.

575. 505 = 10, - 6 = 4.

576. 6 = 4.

577. And then I timesed them.

578. Yeah, 340.

579. So, 7 points to both teams.

580. Rachel, Rachel, could that be done, 342?

581. Yeah, 75 - 10, - 8 = 57

582. and times... Oh, she's back, she's back.

583. This is the Rachel I know and love.

584. 57 x 6. Yep. 342.

585. That could be bullshit, we don't know.

586. There's no way of checking, that's the shame of it.

587. So, the scores at the moment, Jon and Aisling have 24,

588. Sean and Miles have 26, pretty close,

589. and here is your final teaser.

590. The words are HELMS BIT

591. and the clue is - it's the size of a fingertip,

592. that's HELMS BIT, it's the size of a fingertip.

593. See you after the break.

594. Welcome back. The answer to the teaser -

595. the words were HELM'S BIT, the clue was it's the size of a fingertip.

596. It was of course THIMBLES.

597. OK, time for our final letters game. Aisling, your turn to choose.

598. Oh, um, can I have a vowel, please?

599. You can indeed.

600. O

601. Another vowel, please.

602. E

603. And then a consonant.

604. G

605. Oh, that noise means, Aisling, you get a bonus round.

606. Aisling, what will happen now is, you have a chance to win your team

607. six points. Oh.

608. Oooh!

609. What will happen is, you will find a bag next to your seat.

610. In that bag are some knives.

611. What you have to do is throw the knives at this board.

612. Every time one of those knives stick in the board, you win your team

613. a point, but every time a knife sticks in me...

614. It's as simple as that.

615. So can we drop the lights a little?

616. I might take cover.

617. Pop out the way, love. This shit's happening.

618. OK, take the knives out of the bag.

619. Oh, Joe, it's only... There's only plastic forks in here.

620. Does no-one read their fucking e-mails?

621. I was really excited. I thought that was going to be brilliant.

622. OK, back to the game. Aisling, pick a letter.

623. Can I get a vowel? Please?

624. No, you can't.

625. I

626. Oh, Sean!

627. Can I please have a consonant?

628. S

629. Um...

630. R

631. And another R, yeah, and then...

632. D

633. D. Yeah, give us a go.

634. And, um, another consonant.

635. L

636. L, and then one more vowel.

637. And the last one - A.

638. Yeah.

639. Your time starts now.

640. Jon, how many have you got?

641. Seven.

642. Seven! Aisling?

643. Er... oh, five.

644. Five. Miles?

645. Five.

646. Sean? Five.

647. Miles, what's your five?

648. RAILS. Sean?

649. AEGIS. A-E-G-I-S.

650. Aisling, your five?

651. Jon, your seven.

652. Seven points to Jon and Aisling.

653. That hurt, that one.

654. Sean's taking it well.

655. Nick, Susie. Could they have done any better?

656. Yeah, they could have. They could have got an eight.

657. Or they could have got a six. They could have had ORGIES.

658. ORGIES was up there, of course it was. Susie.

659. They could have had DARIOLES, for eight, which are cooking pots.

660. They're kind of flowerpot-shaped

661. but you might be able to get a curry in.

662. If Jon wanted to get curry in a DARIOLE.

663. But it's there for eight anyway.

664. OK, so Sean and Miles have 26.

665. Jon and Aisling are just in the lead with 31

666. as we go into the final numbers game.

667. OK, Sean, Miles, your turn to pick the numbers.

668. Er... two big ones and four little ones, please.

669. Two large, four small.

670. Right, this round is

671. 10, 8, 9...

672. Is there a number called 17 or did I make that up?

673. Add those two and you get it.

674. 25, 75.

675. 677

676. OK, your time starts now.

677. You've got 15 seconds, Jon. Get it down you.

678. A bit of chutney wouldn't go amiss right about now, I'd say.

679. Well, how was that audition as Cookie Monster?

680. OK, what have you got, Jon?

681. 677!

682. You got 677.

683. Watch out for those storm clouds cos here comes Rain Man!

684. That's amazing, Jon.

685. Aisling, what have you got?

686. Um, 625.

687. OK, Sean, what have you got?

688. I got 678.

689. 678. OK, Miles?

690. Er... 675.

691. 675. OK. Jon,

692. how did you do it?

693. 75 x 9

694. 75 times what?

695. 9

696. Is... er...

697. 675.

698. Did that in me head. Whatever.

699. I couldn't get the 2.

700. 10 - 8. I did 6... 9 x 75 = 675

701. I couldn't get the 10 - 8. Just didn't see it. It's the panic.

702. 10 points to Jon. Oh!

703. That is possibly the greatest machine that's ever been invented.

704. I find it... In really tough moments, it really helps.

705. Get off, they're my bubbles.

706. Actually, I can't turn it off.

707. OK, no, fine.

708. Quite a lot of liquid around the electrics now.

709. OK, fingers on buzzers. It's time for today's

710. Countdown Conundrum.

711. Sean?

712. Sean.

713. Sean?

714. WEEST...

715. WEESTS...

716. A WEEST SAW.

717. A WEEST SAW. You know, a WEEST SAW.

718. That's not it. Restart the clock.

719. Jon, did you just buzz?

720. I buzzed like a man who's just eaten a hot curry and has got

721. a bit of a cob on and finds himself the sweatiest man in the room.

722. Is it SWEATIEST?

723. Let's have a look.

724. Very good.

725. So, got it. So the final scores are Sean and Miles have 26,

726. but tonight's winners, with 51, Jon and Aisling.

727. Congratulations, you two.

728. You're now the proud owners of a Countdown Commemorative plate.

729. Thanks to all our panellists, our wonderful studio audience

730. and to all of you for watching at home. That's it from us. Good night.