1. Liz!
Liz Lemon!Copy !req
2. It's me, Thad.
From college.Copy !req
3. I've had my skin tags removedCopy !req
4. since then so you can
see my eyes now.Copy !req
5. You ran the light board
at the theater.Copy !req
6. Everyone called you... Thad,
no nickname.Copy !req
7. And you, you were the star
The Sound of Music.Copy !req
8. Thank you, no everyone thinks
of the young Nazi boyCopy !req
9. as the star of that show.Copy !req
10. A lot of people didn't
realize that wasCopy !req
11. the free, unlicensed version.Copy !req
12. Look, I know it's last
minute, but I'm havingCopy !req
13. an epic Leap Day party
this afternoon.Copy !req
14. A daytime party
celebrating Leap Day.Copy !req
15. Sounds fun, but I have to work.Copy !req
16. Hey, Liz, new Bluetooth?Copy !req
17. No, I'm talking to someone.Copy !req
18. I'm sorry.Copy !req
19. I don't see people
that look like that.Copy !req
20. Sorry.Copy !req
21. That was this creep
I went to college with.Copy !req
22. Such a nerd.Copy !req
23. And this is coming from
someone who wrote lyricsCopy !req
24. to the song the cantina
band playsin Star Wars.Copy !req
25. But, at least I don't
throw Leap Day parties.Copy !req
26. Wait, that was Thad Warmald,
the billionaire?Copy !req
27. No, that was sad Thad
the skintag lad.Copy !req
28. I coined that.Copy !req
29. That name has been all overCopy !req
30. the gold digger message
boards lately.Copy !req
31. I don't know a lot
about business,Copy !req
32. but he did an Internet and
now the computers like himCopy !req
33. and Wall Street is Google.Copy !req
34. My God.Copy !req
35. We are going to this party and
you're introducing me to Thad.Copy !req
36. Liz, I'm on a sexual
walkabout right now.Copy !req
37. I need to know if anything canCopy !req
38. make me happier
than being with Paul.Copy !req
39. And maybe $20 billion
would do it.Copy !req
40. What? How much
Internet did he do?Copy !req
41. Poke your eye, pull your hair,
you forgot what clothes to wear.Copy !req
42. What the hell?Copy !req
43. You're not wearing yellow
and blue on Leap Day.Copy !req
44. So what?
Leap Day is not a thing.Copy !req
45. What the crap
is going on in here?Copy !req
46. Why, Leap Day
William is visiting.Copy !req
47. Leap Day William?Copy !req
48. Miss Lemon, did you
not grow upCopy !req
49. with Leap Day William?Copy !req
50. He lives
in the Mariana trench.Copy !req
51. He emerges every four yearsCopy !req
52. to trade children's
tears for candy?Copy !req
53. What? No.Copy !req
54. But white haven was
founded by the amish,Copy !req
55. and we really only celebrated
their holidays.Copy !req
56. After high school,
I went on rumspringa.Copy !req
57. It was crazy.Copy !req
58. I totally snuck into
The Witches of Eastwick.Copy !req
59. But where were you when
we did this four years ago?Copy !req
60. Certainly not at a Michael's
crafts crafting cruise.Copy !req
61. Miss Lemon,
you are missing out.Copy !req
62. Every four years, you get
a magical extra day.Copy !req
63. A day to do the things you
ordinarily wouldn't do.Copy !req
64. To take chances!Copy !req
65. For instance, I am wearingCopy !req
66. a braided necklace with
a shark's tooth on it.Copy !req
67. I listened to rap music
for the first time.Copy !req
68. Not a fan.Copy !req
69. And you and I
are going to a partyCopy !req
70. thrown by a billionaire.Copy !req
71. Come on, take a leap, Liz.Copy !req
72. Okay, fine, I'll go, but
if he has a giant chandelierCopy !req
73. in his house, I'm out.Copy !req
74. Those things fall.Copy !req
75. Waah, waah.Copy !req
76. 30 ROCK
S06 Ep09 - Leap DayCopy !req
77. Happy Leap Day, Lemon.Copy !req
78. - Help yourself to some rhubarb.
- Rhubarb?Copy !req
79. Is white haven the only city
in AmericaCopy !req
80. that doesn't celebrate Leap Day?Copy !req
81. It's not such a big deal
in Boston, either.Copy !req
82. Just a Leap Day William parade,
citywide ice mazeCopy !req
83. and, uh, we don't poke you
in the eyeCopy !req
84. if you're not
wearing yellow and blue.Copy !req
85. We just, uh, stomp on your foot.-Copy !req
86. Kick you in the knee,
Yankees suck, go pats.Copy !req
87. I can't believe
the woman who watchesCopy !req
88. all six
pawn shop reality showsCopy !req
89. has never seen the movie,
Leap Dave Williams.Copy !req
90. I'm sorry,
is Leap Dave WilliamsCopy !req
91. a play on Leap Day William?Copy !req
92. It's a classic.
Uptight lawyer Dave WilliamsCopy !req
93. turns into the real
Leap Day WilliamCopy !req
94. after an ice fishing trip
gone awry.Copy !req
95. USA runs an all day marathon.Copy !req
96. Dave, is everything all right?Copy !req
97. I definitely don't have gills.Copy !req
98. I mean, nothing.Copy !req
99. I mean, yes.Copy !req
100. Oh, my God, that's what Chris
kept quoting this morningCopy !req
101. during our love... making.Copy !req
102. New assistant
reporting for duty.Copy !req
103. Kenneth's filling in.Copy !req
104. Gabe's got the weak off.Copy !req
105. He's a mormon.Copy !req
106. You know how they are
about Leap Day.Copy !req
107. No, I don't, I don't know th...Copy !req
108. Fine, I didn't wanna
have to do this,Copy !req
109. but I am wearing
yellow and blue.Copy !req
110. Kenneth, I'm hoping to find
you a permanent positionCopy !req
111. here at the company, but it's
hard to take you seriouslyCopy !req
112. when you're dressed like that.Copy !req
113. I'm sorry, sir.Copy !req
114. I just get so excited
spreading holiday cheer.Copy !req
115. Well, certainly you remember
the joy that fillsCopy !req
116. a young boy's heart
on the day of leap.Copy !req
117. Don't get me wrong,
I love this holiday.Copy !req
118. But do you know why?Copy !req
119. Sir, I never know why.Copy !req
120. Because it's an extra day
to do business.Copy !req
121. A bonus profit opportunity.Copy !req
122. I have a bet with my business
school roommatesCopy !req
123. every four years to seeCopy !req
124. who can make the most money
on Leap Day.Copy !req
125. And that is why I am announcing
today that cable town isCopy !req
126. purchasing Xaro,
the 3-D Internet company.Copy !req
127. It'll be like those Bible
quotes are right in your face.Copy !req
128. Yes, now take off
that bald cap, Kenneth.Copy !req
129. We have a lot of work to do.Copy !req
130. Of course,
take off my bald cap.Copy !req
131. Not put on my wig.Copy !req
132. Well, he's definitely rich.Copy !req
133. Look how lame this crowd is.Copy !req
134. Thad's been in his little
nerd world for so longCopy !req
135. and now he's peeping out
of his shell like a... um,Copy !req
136. oh, what's that animal?Copy !req
137. You know, the one that crosses
so slowly across the roadCopy !req
138. and then you swerve to make sure
you hit it and then a carCopy !req
139. coming the other way swerves to
avoid you and goes off a cliff.Copy !req
140. And then that night you and your
companion have the greatest sexCopy !req
141. of your lives because
you're both sharing a secret.Copy !req
142. - It's a turtle, Jenna.
- Yes, he's a turtle.Copy !req
143. And he's coming out of his shellCopy !req
144. for the first time.Copy !req
145. And when he does,
he's gonna see this.Copy !req
146. We really gotta get all
the furniture out of here?Copy !req
147. My aquarium guy's
coming to see aboutCopy !req
148. turning this whole room
into an aquarium.Copy !req
149. Who's really in the aquarium?Copy !req
150. The fish or us?Copy !req
151. Greetings, coworkers.Copy !req
152. Mr. Donaghy would
like to inform you that,Copy !req
153. "unfortunately due to the Obama
worldwide recession,Copy !req
154. "there will be no Leap Day
bonuses this year.Copy !req
155. "Mean laughter, sound of
a drink being poured.Copy !req
156. "What are you writing now,
you slack-jawed donkey?Copy !req
157. What are all
these letters, tray?Copy !req
158. It's just fan mail.Copy !req
159. I mean, would you read
a bunch of lettersCopy !req
160. from people
who look up to me?Copy !req
161. A $50,000 benihana gift card?Copy !req
162. Right, I did
an ad and insisted onCopy !req
163. being paid in beni bucks.Copy !req
164. No sir, this card is only
good through February 2012.Copy !req
165. Any other year
it'd be march already.Copy !req
166. But we found it today!Copy !req
167. It's a Leap Day miracle!Copy !req
168. Gentlemen, we have
one day to eatCopy !req
169. $50,000 worth of Japanese food.Copy !req
170. That's impossible.Copy !req
171. Nothing's impossible
on Leap Day.Copy !req
172. It's like I said in my cameoCopy !req
173. appearance in
Leap Dave Williams,Copy !req
174. "gimme your wallet, old man!"Copy !req
175. Ladies and gentlemen,
I want to introduce youCopy !req
176. to the future of Kabletown,Copy !req
177. the future of web-browsing,Copy !req
178. and, quite frankly,
the future.Copy !req
179. Welcome to the age
of 3-D Internet.Copy !req
180. Following an unintentionally
racist press conference...Copy !req
181. Help us to "Whip"
the competition.Copy !req
182. Kabletown shares
down sharply...Copy !req
183. Careful, sir,
those leaves are poisonous.Copy !req
184. You know the saying,
"rhubarb red, eat away,Copy !req
185. rhubarb green,
don't eat them."Copy !req
186. Kenneth, I've watched newt
gingrich eat a plate of ribs.Copy !req
187. I think my stomach can handle
some rhubarb leaves.Copy !req
188. Do you have any idea how long
you'll be needing me today?Copy !req
189. One of my birds is sickCopy !req
190. and I want to get home
in time to baptize her.Copy !req
191. We're both staying here until
I come up with an ideaCopy !req
192. to turn this day around.Copy !req
193. Now, would you watch
a television show...Copy !req
194. And I'm just
spitballing here...Copy !req
195. Called spitball?Copy !req
196. Sir, Rebecca Birdstein
needs me.Copy !req
197. Kenneth, we all have
to make sacrifices.Copy !req
198. Watch this.Copy !req
199. Sherry, I'm afraid something
has come up at workCopy !req
200. and you'll have to
stay late with Liddy.Copy !req
201. Just dab some scotch on
your neck and make your eyesCopy !req
202. the color of a winter crystal
so she'll think you're me.Copy !req
203. Thank you Sherry.Copy !req
204. Good night.Copy !req
205. How many rooms are in...Copy !req
206. It's my, uh, d&d room.Copy !req
207. The gaming table comes up
out of the floor.Copy !req
208. Table!Copy !req
209. Frak, I'm supposed to say
"floor" first.Copy !req
210. Forget it, damn it!Copy !req
211. - This is all for you, Liz.
- What?Copy !req
212. I have been in love with you
since college.Copy !req
213. Watching you every
night on that stageCopy !req
214. and realizing my dad was wrong.Copy !req
215. I do like girls.Copy !req
216. Oh, boy. Okay.Copy !req
217. The party, the New York
apartment, everything.Copy !req
218. Do you know why I spun off Xaro
and sold it to Kabletown?Copy !req
219. Just so I could
accidentally run into you.Copy !req
220. That is why it's called Xaro.Copy !req
221. In Game of Thrones, Xaro
is a rich merchant princeCopy !req
222. who wishes to acquaint himself
with the mother of dragons.Copy !req
223. Great, well... Scooby Doo!Copy !req
224. Liz, wait!
$10 million!Copy !req
225. I want you
to take my virginityCopy !req
226. on leap nightCopy !req
227. for $10 million.Copy !req
228. Fine, 20.Copy !req
229. - No, Thad, I...
- Don't answer yet.Copy !req
230. I mean, okay, unless you
were gonna say yes.Copy !req
231. - No, you heard me say no.
- Don't answer yet.Copy !req
232. Don't answer yet.Copy !req
233. Come... ... on.Copy !req
234. Son of a glub.Copy !req
235. Mr. Jordan, you'll never
spend all this by midnight.Copy !req
236. You appeared in
that ad for nothing.Copy !req
237. Well the joke's
on you because thatCopy !req
238. commercial never aired
for unexplained reasons.Copy !req
239. I just touched the table again.Copy !req
240. God, you call for help!Copy !req
241. I'll just put my head on
the table for a second.Copy !req
242. Now let's get started, bring us
a bottle of your finest wine.Copy !req
243. Of course, Mr. Jordan.Copy !req
244. That will be $12.Copy !req
245. Hey, Liz.
I can't find Thad.Copy !req
246. Thad just
indecentproposal-ed me.Copy !req
247. One night, $20 million.Copy !req
248. Oh, my God, that's
the gold digger's dream.Copy !req
249. - Where is he?
- No, Jenna.Copy !req
250. You don't understand.Copy !req
251. He's been in love
with me since college.Copy !req
252. He only wants me.Copy !req
253. And you're still here.Copy !req
254. You're considering it.Copy !req
255. Liz, you know you're
not doing this.Copy !req
256. I'm on a sexual walkabout.Copy !req
257. But you're a nice girl
with a live-in boyfriend.Copy !req
258. Honey, I'm about to do
something pretty... crazy.Copy !req
259. You should.Copy !req
260. It's Leap Day.
Real life is for march.Copy !req
261. No, just hear me out.Copy !req
262. - Because if this doesn't work...
- It doesn't matter.Copy !req
263. Nothing that happens on
Leap Day counts.Copy !req
264. Nothing that happens
on Leap Day counts.Copy !req
265. Well, then, here goes nothing.Copy !req
266. Hey, Liz, what's up?Copy !req
267. Criss, I'm about to do
something pretty crazy.Copy !req
268. You should, it's Leap Day.Copy !req
269. - Real life is for march.
- Oh, boy.Copy !req
270. No, hear me out, because this
could really ruin...Copy !req
271. No, it doesn't matter.Copy !req
272. Nothing that happens
on Leap Day counts.Copy !req
273. Hey, listen, I gotta run,Copy !req
274. but whatever it is,
go for it.Copy !req
275. My.Copy !req
276. It looks like we've got
a slut-off on our hands.Copy !req
277. We've only spent $6000.Copy !req
278. We should just give up.Copy !req
279. - Never.
- We can't keep eating!Copy !req
280. Lutz's shirt button popped off
and hit Cerie.Copy !req
281. It counts as us touching.Copy !req
282. This is important.Copy !req
283. Everybody's always telling meCopy !req
284. not to get paid in gift cards.Copy !req
285. Angie, my lawyer,
my imaginary friend, Dotcom.Copy !req
286. Tray, I'm real.Copy !req
287. I moved your furniture.Copy !req
288. And, yeah, Leap Day has
become too commercial.Copy !req
289. And people have forgotten
what it really means,Copy !req
290. but I remember.Copy !req
291. One Leap Day when I was a kid,
the Harlem River froze,Copy !req
292. and I decided to cross it
carrying my brick collection.Copy !req
293. I told him not to.Copy !req
294. No one can hear you, Dotcom.Copy !req
295. Then I fell through the ice.Copy !req
296. They still don't know
who pulled me out.Copy !req
297. I did.Copy !req
298. Charlie Rangel gave me a medal.Copy !req
299. I like to think it was
Leap Day William.Copy !req
300. You really believe
in Leap Day William?Copy !req
301. I used to.Copy !req
302. Then I tried to eat
all this benihana.Copy !req
303. Now I don't know anymore.Copy !req
304. I gotta take a walk.Copy !req
305. Do some thinking.Copy !req
306. But I can explain.Copy !req
307. I'm Leap Day Williams!Copy !req
308. No, really!Copy !req
309. Please, believe me.Copy !req
310. Have a little faith.Copy !req
311. Boy.Copy !req
312. I'm getting sleepy.Copy !req
313. You're famous.Copy !req
314. I have screen grabs of
all your nip s.Copy !req
315. You know what, Thad?
I was trying to remember.Copy !req
316. What was the dance that Rolf
did for Liesl?Copy !req
317. Did it go like this?Copy !req
318. Yes.Copy !req
319. That's it.Copy !req
320. That's how Rolf danced.Copy !req
321. Why don't you go and get me
and Liz some drinks?Copy !req
322. Very well.Copy !req
323. Liz, a moment, please?Copy !req
324. If you're really gonna do this,
you better get a move on.Copy !req
325. Right now, there are
models waking upCopy !req
326. from their coke binges,
multi-ethnic bartendersCopy !req
327. with daddy issues, former
ballerinas who had to quitCopy !req
328. because their boobs
got too big.Copy !req
329. They're gonna hear about
the horny billionaire,Copy !req
330. and Thad's gonna forget all
about his little crush.Copy !req
331. They're coming Liz.
Click click.Copy !req
332. That's their stilettos.Copy !req
333. Click click.Copy !req
334. Sir?Copy !req
335. Sir, you don't look so good.Copy !req
336. You shouldn't have eaten
those rhubarb leaves.Copy !req
337. I can't be sick.Copy !req
338. I won't lose money
on Leap Day.Copy !req
339. I'm just gonna rest a second.Copy !req
340. Please get better, sir.Copy !req
341. I've dug too many graves.Copy !req
342. Why the long face, son?Copy !req
343. I do have a long,
elegant face, thank you,Copy !req
344. but I can't enjoy your
compliment, because I'm sad.Copy !req
345. I'm starting to think Leap Day
William isn't even real.Copy !req
346. I reckon you may be right.Copy !req
347. Leap Day William's probably
just a tall tale told to kidsCopy !req
348. to help sell candy.Copy !req
349. But this old fool
still believes he exists,Copy !req
350. right here, inside all of us.Copy !req
351. I am always coughing up blood.Copy !req
352. Could that be Leap Day William
trying to get out?Copy !req
353. Might could be, but I think if
he were here right now,Copy !req
354. Leap Day William would tell youCopy !req
355. everything's gonna
be all right, Tracy,Copy !req
356. as long as you remember
where you come from.Copy !req
357. Thanks.Copy !req
358. Nice costume, by the way.Copy !req
359. Right, costume.Copy !req
360. So, what should we do now?Copy !req
361. Stop pressuring me.Copy !req
362. What are you?
An intercourse monster?Copy !req
363. I'm sorry.
I'm nervous.Copy !req
364. Is sex like when the Na'vi
intertwine their hair braids?Copy !req
365. Sure.Copy !req
366. Yeah, Thad, that's exactly
what it's like.Copy !req
367. Okay, look, if we're
gonna do this,Copy !req
368. we kinda need to do it now,
okay, before...Copy !req
369. No.Copy !req
370. Aw, damn it.
Hot bitches.Copy !req
371. Wake up, sir!Copy !req
372. Wake up.Copy !req
373. What is this?Copy !req
374. Kenneth, is that me?Copy !req
375. I'm not Kenneth.Copy !req
376. I'm the spirit of Leap Day.Copy !req
377. Welcome to your Leap Day past.Copy !req
378. Jackie, we can't go
to the parade today.Copy !req
379. I got called into work... at the
hospital... where I'm a nurse.Copy !req
380. Why are you showing me this?Copy !req
381. This is the kind of adversityCopy !req
382. that made me the man
I am today.Copy !req
383. Good. Cry.Copy !req
384. Let your sadness
form a hole inside youCopy !req
385. that can only
be filled with money.Copy !req
386. Of course we're going to
the parade today, Jackie.Copy !req
387. But you can't have
candy and cigarettesCopy !req
388. without a few tears first.Copy !req
389. How did I forget this part?Copy !req
390. And when did we stop giving
children cigarettes?Copy !req
391. It's the liberal war
on Leap Day.Copy !req
392. It's time to go,
Mr. Donaghy.Copy !req
393. Welcome to Leap Day present.Copy !req
394. Okay, I'll change
me eye color,Copy !req
395. but it seem like
a waste of voodoo.Copy !req
396. Good night, Mr. Donaghy.Copy !req
397. Sorry, baby.Copy !req
398. Daddy not coming home
tonight because of work.Copy !req
399. It's a good lesson.Copy !req
400. This will help her in life.Copy !req
401. Are you sure?Copy !req
402. Welcome to the future.Copy !req
403. Five leap days from now.Copy !req
404. That's Liddy.Copy !req
405. I assume this
is her horse stableCopy !req
406. and that she's hammering
that nail as a funny joke.Copy !req
407. No, Mr. Donaghy.Copy !req
408. She's doing habitat
for humanity.Copy !req
409. After you missed
all her leap days,Copy !req
410. she started experimenting
with liberalism.Copy !req
411. That's not her.
It can't be.Copy !req
412. What have you done
with my daughter?Copy !req
413. Where is Liddy?Copy !req
414. She's at home, sir.Copy !req
415. With the nanny.Copy !req
416. There's still time.Copy !req
417. Kenneth, I want you
to go to citarellaCopy !req
418. and buy the biggest
rhubarb there is.Copy !req
419. The one that's
as big as me, sir?Copy !req
420. That's the one.Copy !req
421. But first, you take Rebecca
Birdstein to the vet.Copy !req
422. What a Mitzvah.Copy !req
423. Merry Leap Day, sir.Copy !req
424. Merry Leap Day to us all!Copy !req
425. Liz, why don't you go and...Copy !req
426. Get you and Karolina
some drinks?Copy !req
427. Okay, fine.Copy !req
428. Looks like this time the male
will be in the Czech.Copy !req
429. That kind of wit is a thing
she will never give you.Copy !req
430. Hey, Liz, a gym teacher on
a sex tour of Indonesia called.Copy !req
431. He wants his shirt back.Copy !req
432. Okay, that's solid, Kurkova.Copy !req
433. That's a good burn.Copy !req
434. What was that old man
trying to tell me?Copy !req
435. What am I gonna do with
all this free food?Copy !req
436. Remember where I came from.Copy !req
437. But we all came from the sea.
Sea?Copy !req
438. Like the letter "C",
which is part of the alphabet.Copy !req
439. Alphabet soup.Copy !req
440. Soup kitchen.Copy !req
441. - Kitchen...
- No, no, don't keep going.Copy !req
442. The kitchen debate
with Richard Nixon.Copy !req
443. Richard M. Nixon.Copy !req
444. The M-train.Copy !req
445. Soul train.Copy !req
446. Chicken soup for the soul.Copy !req
447. Chicken soup.Copy !req
448. Soup kitchen.Copy !req
449. This is a Leap Day miracle!Copy !req
450. Merry Leap Day, tourists.Copy !req
451. Merry Leap Day, closeted gay
guys meeting in the city.Copy !req
452. Really?Copy !req
453. Seriously 20 million bucks?Copy !req
454. I would sleep
with Thad Warmald for that.Copy !req
455. Couldn't go through with it.Copy !req
456. You know, I just kept
seeing your face.Copy !req
457. Also, I have too much dignity.Copy !req
458. So another woman?Copy !req
459. Victoria's secret model.Copy !req
460. Feast, homeless, feast!Copy !req
461. I saved Leap Day!Copy !req
462. And connected with my son!Copy !req
463. And I solved the big case
from earlier!Copy !req
464. Merry Leap Day, everybody!Copy !req
465. Hey!
Take a leap, pal!Copy !req
466. That's the spirit!Copy !req
467. Happy Leap Day,
sweetheart.Copy !req
468. Yes!Copy !req
469. Well, I guess we all
learned something tonightCopy !req
470. about love and friendship,Copy !req
471. about taking chances,Copy !req
472. about the true
meaning of Leap Day.Copy !req
473. But, these lessons aren't good
just for every four years.Copy !req
474. No. They're good
every year.Copy !req
475. Because we should live
every dayCopy !req
476. as if it's Leap Day,
and every Leap DayCopy !req
477. as if it's your last.Copy !req
478. And if you should ever see
an old man in a blue suitCopy !req
479. busting out of the middle
of the ocean,Copy !req
480. take the time to say howdy.Copy !req
481. It might just be
worth your while.Copy !req