1. - Earl, can you break
some 20s?
Copy !req
2. The big spenders at table two
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3. Wanna split their
$11 check three ways
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4. Even though one person
did all the eating.
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5. - I was in a three-way once.
Same thing happened.
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6. - Max, table ten
would like the check.
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7. And don't forget to pick up
customer comment card.
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8. Customers very important.
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9. It's all about the fans.
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10. - Yeah, I'm not a fan of
hearing what people have to say.
Copy !req
11. For instance,
what's happening right now—
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12. Not a fan.
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13. - Max, feedback from customers
is very important business tool.
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14. Perhaps we'll pump the brakes
on sour waitress attitude.
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15. - There's only one tool
that can change my 'tude,
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16. But I'm gonna need
two double-a batteries
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17. And a 20-minute break.
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18. - Welcome, everyone.
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19. Thanks for coming
to very important
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20. First official diner meeting.
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21. - This ain't right, man.
2:00 a.M. Starts earl time.
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22. - Earl, here's your brandy.
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23. - Okay, we're good now.
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24. - If I knew we were gonna have
staff meetings after work,
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25. I would've taken job
at t.G.I. Friday instead.
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26. Over there,
they roll fast and loose.
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27. - Well, this is how I roll.
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28. - Yeah, short and slow.
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29. - No, I roll fast and furious.
Tokyo drift style.
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30. - Han, I'm starting to drift.
Can we get to the point?
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31. Max and I still have to get home
and bake cupcakes for tomorrow.
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32. - We received so many excellent
comments from customers tonight.
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33. Okay, first comment.
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34. "dark-haired waitress..."
- hey!
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35. - "was very rude.
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36. - Hey!
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37. - Max, customers are giving
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38. Their honest opinions
about diner.
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39. We need to take it seriously.
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40. "i'd like to ride the blonde
waitress like a tilt-a-whirl."
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41. - Shout out!
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42. - Next comment.
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43. "why does cashier
wear earphones?
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44. I thought he was a dj."
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45. - Holla!
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46. - Moving on.
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47. "this meatloaf tastes stale
and dry."
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48. - It also says that cook
could wear deodorant
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49. And shirt that covers armpit.
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50. - This is on card?
- Yes.
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51. - You are lying.
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52. - Yes.
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53. - Remind me never to be a spy
with han.
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54. - So this is how you tell me
what you think of me?
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55. You hide behind outdated
method of feedback?
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56. - What, I should've posted
twitpic of my face like this?
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57. - Maybe I will send you
a twitpic of my meatloaf.
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58. - Can you twits pick
another time to do this?
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59. I've gotta go home.
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60. - I have to go home too...
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61. And cut the remaining sleeves
off of all my shirts.
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62. And then go buy more shirts
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63. And cut the sleeves
off those shirts.
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64. - You must wear sleeves.
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65. - Do not tell me what to do.
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66. I was working here
when you were still a dumpling
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67. On your father's chopstick.
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68. - Now this is starting to sound
like earl time.
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69. - Did it light?
- No.
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70. Try another one.
The gas is on.
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71. Ah!
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72. - Why are we throwing fire
at an oven?
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73. Is this a poor people game?
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74. - Yeah, it's called light
the broken pilot light
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75. Without
blowing our faces off!
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76. - This is ridiculous.
My heart is pounding.
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77. I didn't know baking cupcakes
was an extreme sport.
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78. It's like the deadliest batch.
Copy !req
79. - See? A slight hint of gas
in the air
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80. Makes everything funnier.
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81. Now there's too much gas.
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82. If we threw a math
in there now,
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83. I'd be out a nose or a pair
or a pair of eyebrows
Copy !req
84. And I'm not living through
that again.
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85. - Again?
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86. - When I was a little girl,
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87. I was trying to make
a hungry man dinner
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88. And I lit the pilot light
too soon and whoosh!
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89. No eyebrows.
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90. Had to draw them on
in magic marker.
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91. Only mexican girls
would talk to me.
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92. - Max, we have
a cupcake business.
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93. We have to tell the landlord
we need a new oven.
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94. - We can't ask the landlord
for a new oven.
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95. Then he'll ask us stuff like
"who are you?
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96. "why is your name not
on the lease,
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97. And where's the rent?"
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98. - Well, I'll buy us one.
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99. - Really? You're gonna buy us
a whole oven?
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100. We're so poor I have a sock
that I refer to as my good sock.
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101. - I've been saving something
for an emergency,
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102. Like a burst appendix
or a first date bikini wax.
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103. - I knew it!
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104. You have a secret stash of
your father's missing billions.
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105. We're rich!
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106. Wait, it's other people's money.
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107. Yeah, but I didn't steal it.
We're rich!
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108. - They're my expensive rings.
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109. - So if these are
your expensive rings,
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110. What's all that other stuff
you wear?
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111. - Cheaper copies.
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112. You never wear the good stuff
out in public.
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113. - Got it, kind of like
hiding the banana republic
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114. And wearing the gap.
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115. - See how special?
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116. They're all one-of-a-kind
from thomas aristotle thomas.
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117. T-a-t.
Tat.
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118. - What?
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119. - Tat rings.
You've never heard of tat rings?
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120. - Oh! Tat rings.
No.
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121. - I guess it's the kind of thing
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122. That only people
in the know know, you know?
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123. - No.
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124. - Make all the jokes you want,
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125. But I only have to sell
one of these
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126. And I can get us a new oven.
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127. Any ideas what kind
we should get?
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128. - Uh, yeah, you're not the only
one with a secret stash.
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129. It's the bluestar.
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130. It's the tat rings of ovens.
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131. In purple!
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132. That's right, I said purple.
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133. It's the muscle car of ovens.
It's bad-ass!
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134. It's so bad-ass
when I do karaoke
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135. I change the lyrics from
purple rain to purple range.
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136. - Great, we'll get this one.
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137. - Uh, we can't buy that.
It's too expensive.
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138. This is just something
you fantasize about.
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139. It's kitchen porn.
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140. - Fine.
Copy !req
141. Tomorrow we'll go
to the cash for gold store
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142. And get a regular oven
and get cookin'.
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143. I think the funny gas is gone.
Copy !req
144. - Must be time.
I'm going in.
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145. Let me do it, my eyebrows
need to waxed anyway.
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146. - Hurry up! The gas is on!
Throw the match in!
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147. - Did it light?
- No, but my foot is on fire.
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148. I'll do it.
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149. You're good.
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150. - I'm sorry, but how much longer
do we have to wait
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151. To get cash for our gold?
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152. - I told you before
I'm on the phone.
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153. Sit down, shut up,
don't be rude.
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154. - I thought she'd be nicer
from her picture
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155. On the bus stop bench.
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156. - Yeah, and where
are the dollar signs?
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157. - Let me see, which ring
should I sell?
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158. So much history in my lap.
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159. - I don't even wanna tell you
about the history in my lap.
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160. - My father got me this one
in london.
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161. I got this one in paris
to reward myself
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162. For not crying during
the turbulence
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163. On the flight to paris.
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164. - My mom got me a fresca when
she hit me with her car once.
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165. - I got this one
when I was 18.
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166. It was my very first tat.
- Okay, stop!
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167. This was a bad idea.
Let's get out of here.
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168. - I told you before.
I'm on the phone!
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169. Sit down, shut up,
don't be rude.
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170. - I'm only sitting down
because look.
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171. She has her hand on a gun that's
strapped under the counter.
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172. She is dying to plug us.
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173. - Max, what are you
talking about?
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174. Why is this a bad idea?
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175. - I don't want you sacrificing
your precious rings, frodo.
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176. Because if the business
doesn't work out,
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177. It'll be my fault
you have nothing.
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178. And call me selfish,
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179. The only life I wanna ruin
is my own.
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180. - Max, the business
will go up and down.
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181. That's natural.
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182. But this ring is about more than
the day to day of the business.
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183. It's about us...
And our future together.
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184. - Yo, did you just ask me
to marry you?
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185. - You could do worse.
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186. - Now, ladies, gold.
Now.
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187. - Come on.
It's only one ring.
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188. And when it comes to us,
I'm in this for the long haul.
Copy !req
189. - Or until this lady shoots us.
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190. - Hi, I'm here to—
- come on! Let's go.
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191. Don't push me
I'm out of nicorette.
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192. - Well, you're all business,
aren't you?
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193. I can respect that.
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194. I'd like to exchange
a tat ring.
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195. - I've never heard
of a tat ring.
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196. - Thomas aristotle thomas?
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197. World-famous designer?
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198. - Yeah, talk down to me.
That'll make the price better.
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199. All right, I'll weight it.
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200. - What's that smell?
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201. Is someone making soup
in the back?
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202. - None of your business.
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203. I will give you $275.
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204. - It's worth $2,500.
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205. - Where? In 2005?
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206. - You're just taking advantage
of people
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207. Because the world economy
is crashing.
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208. - It's called cash for gold,
not sympathy for flat chicks.
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209. - You know what?
This is inappropriate.
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210. All right, I'd like to see
your business license.
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211. Maybe I'll make a call
to the chamber of commerce.
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212. - Oh, you will, huh?
- Duck! Here comes the gun!
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213. - Maybe I'll make a call
to my boys in the back.
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214. Sal! Richard!
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215. - Oh, hello.
Let's get out of here.
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216. - Are you sure? Because
I'm kinda feeling richard.
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217. - Max, I was just
in the ladies' room
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218. And I had a thought.
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219. - Why am I doing my lipstick in
a mirror that says "die carlos"
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220. - I know how to get
the full value of the ring.
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221. We just have to take it to
the store where they sell it,
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222. And return it.
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223. - Uh, and why didn't that
occur to you before?
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224. - 'cause I don't have
the receipt.
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225. And I bought it
three years ago...
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226. From another store...
In another country.
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227. - The customer asked for crust
off of a turkey club.
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228. - Did they say that
or is this something you say
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229. That they said?
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230. - They said it.
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231. But I say I see "screw the bos"
sleeveless tee.
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232. - I'm sorry,
someone call ripley's.
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233. There is
a small mouse speaking.
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234. - And I bet for sure
it comes with stinky armpits.
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235. - Why don't you see
for yourself, ratatouille?
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236. - I've gotta go.
Fight's starting.
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237. - You are stinky.
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238. So stinky my mother in korea
called me and said,
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239. "what is that smell?"
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240. - I am surprised you're upset
by man smell.
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241. Most women like you
enjoy it.
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242. - Yo, max,
I got 20 bucks on han.
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243. He's scrappy.
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244. - Your english is terrible.
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245. - My english is less terrible
than your terrible english.
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246. - What? I couldn't understand
a word you said.
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247. - What? So sorry I couldn't
understand a word you said.
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248. - Excuse me,
regular-sized people.
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249. I am on break until
he apologizes.
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250. - I think the round's over.
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251. I couldn't understand
a word they said.
Copy !req
252. - He needs to apologize.
I'm the boss.
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253. - Don't let him get to you,
han.
Copy !req
254. Every woman knows
size doesn't matter.
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255. - I like your shirt.
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256. Reminds me of the side of
the van I lost my virginity in.
Copy !req
257. - That little man
disrespect me.
Copy !req
258. He insult my food, my english,
my "hyjane."
Copy !req
259. - Is there anything I can do
to cheer you up?
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260. - A hug would help.
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261. - If I hug you,
will you go back to work?
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262. - Yes.
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263. - Two-second hug.
I'm going in.
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264. - Aww.
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265. - How did you do that?
Your hands never left my back.
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266. - I am david blaine
of zippers.
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267. - I was trying to cheer you up.
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268. - You did.
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269. - Wow, it's so surreal
being back here.
Copy !req
270. I grew up here.
It was like camp for me.
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271. I learned who all the best
designers were,
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272. How to color coordinate,
how to ride a bike.
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273. - They let you
ride a bike here?
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274. - Bitch, I owned this piece.
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275. - If there's not
an iguana in here,
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276. This place is stupid.
Copy !req
277. - Oh, my god.
Copy !req
278. They are such gorgeous
tat rings.
Copy !req
279. - Thanks!
- Hate you! So jealous!
Copy !req
280. - Thanks!
- Bye!
Copy !req
281. - Seeing you in your natural
habitat is truly disturbing.
Copy !req
282. - Hi! Can I help you?
Copy !req
283. - Hi! I'd like to return
a ring I got as a present here.
Copy !req
284. - Tat rings are so amazing.
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285. I can't believe you want
to return it.
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286. - Well, this one's from a guy
I'm no longer with,
Copy !req
287. So it's painful
to even look at.
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288. - I understand.
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289. But I couldn't take it back
without a receipt.
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290. - The thing is
he used to hit her.
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291. - Max! You did not!
Copy !req
292. - Caroline,
it's not your fault.
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293. - That's awful.
Copy !req
294. I understand why
you wouldn't want this ring.
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295. I'm sure there's something
I can do.
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296. It's not our fault.
I mean... Your fault.
Copy !req
297. - Caroline channing?
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298. - Jeffrey!
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299. - Surprised to see me
working here?
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300. Well, I got fired from
that other store
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301. Whose name I will never
mention again
Copy !req
302. After last year's
cigarette butt incident.
Copy !req
303. - I'm so sorry.
Copy !req
304. I had no idea those menthol
slim 100s were yours.
Copy !req
305. I just thought so many butts
on the ground
Copy !req
306. Outside the store was gross,
so I said something.
Copy !req
307. - Well, that one comment
from the great caroline channing
Copy !req
308. About those butts
fired my little butt.
Copy !req
309. You'd be happy to know
that I quite smoking
Copy !req
310. After you got me fired.
Couldn't afford it.
Copy !req
311. I also couldn't afford
my gym membership.
Copy !req
312. Which is why my fired little
butt got massive,
Copy !req
313. Why no one wanted to date me,
and why I spent gay pride alone.
Copy !req
314. Fortunately, I wound up
working here.
Copy !req
315. - Yeah, it all worked out.
Your butt looks tight.
Copy !req
316. - It's halfway there.
Copy !req
317. - So I got the price
on the ring.
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318. - You're buying a ring?
A tat ring?
Copy !req
319. - Actually, I'm returning.
Copy !req
320. - Oh, can I see the receipt?
Copy !req
321. As manager
of the jewelry department,
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322. I couldn't possibly return
a ring that you bought
Copy !req
323. At least three years ago
without a receipt.
Copy !req
324. You wouldn't want me to lose
my job again, would you?
Copy !req
325. I got this, donna.
Copy !req
326. And so sorry to hear about
your father being a criminal
Copy !req
327. And you being penniless
and all that ugliness.
Copy !req
328. But it is kinda karma.
Copy !req
329. You are where you are now,
and I'm back on top.
Copy !req
330. - Look, jeffrey,
I know we just met,
Copy !req
331. But there's no way
you're a top.
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332. - Now what are we gonna do?
Copy !req
333. - We should hunt down that super
fake jealous lady
Copy !req
334. Who hates you.
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335. Maybe she'll buy one.
Copy !req
336. - Max, that's brilliant.
Copy !req
337. If anybody's gonna
buy a tat ring,
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338. They're already in the store.
Copy !req
339. We can have a pop-up sale!
Copy !req
340. - A pop-up sale?
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341. - You don't know
what a pop-up sale is?
Copy !req
342. - You didn't know
what a pilot light was.
Copy !req
343. - it's the new trend.
Copy !req
344. Mini stores pop up
and sell stuff,
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345. Then they're gone.
Copy !req
346. - That's not a new trend.
Copy !req
347. Drug dealers have been
doing that for years.
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348. - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
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349. - What are you doing,
beautiful mind?
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350. - I'm mentally scanning
the layout of the store
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351. For security cameras.
Copy !req
352. I knew coming here and not
going to parks as a child
Copy !req
353. Would pay off.
Copy !req
354. Okay, there's only one place
we could pull it off
Copy !req
355. Where there are no cameras.
Copy !req
356. - Where?
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357. - Pop-up sale
in the ladies' room.
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358. That's right, ma'am!
Copy !req
359. I said pop-up sale
in the ladies' room.
Copy !req
360. - I don't do improv.
Copy !req
361. So did we sell the ring yet?
Copy !req
362. Those women weren't our
target customers.
Copy !req
363. We're looking for
a very specific type.
Copy !req
364. Too much style
and money to burn.
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365. hold the elevator!
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366. and I love new york!
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367. Pop-up sale
in the ladies' room.
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368. - I'll take you in
two at a time.
Copy !req
369. Let me go check
with my associate
Copy !req
370. And I'll be right back
for adin and lublubah.
Copy !req
371. - Such a good memory.
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372. - Hard to forget
such beautiful names.
Copy !req
373. Ready?
Copy !req
374. - We have a pooper
in stall two.
Copy !req
375. - Who shops and plops?
I mean, really.
Copy !req
376. - Trust me, I smell the match.
Classic shop and plop cover-up.
Copy !req
377. - Where are the two kit kats
we got from the vending machine?
Copy !req
378. - I told you I was hungry.
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379. - Arabic women expect a gift
when they buy something.
Copy !req
380. - Well, stall number two
Copy !req
381. Will probably supply
a little present.
Copy !req
382. - Hi, are you here
for the pop-up sale?
Copy !req
383. - No, I just have to pee.
- Oh, geez.
Copy !req
384. Come on,
don't waste my time!
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385. One stall's open—in and out!
Running a business!
Copy !req
386. - That woman pushed
ahead of us.
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387. Do not sell her
my tat ring.
Copy !req
388. - It's fun.
You're here to pick up
Copy !req
389. She's here to drop off.
Copy !req
390. Open the shop.
Copy !req
391. We're a good team.
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392. You set 'em up,
I knock 'em down.
Copy !req
393. - Why is?
- I don't know, it just is.
Copy !req
394. Are you here
for the pop-up sale?
Copy !req
395. - A pop-sale in the bathroom?
Copy !req
396. So lame.
- So lame.
Copy !req
397. Caroline?
- Jen, robin!
Copy !req
398. - Oh, my god.
- Oh, my god.
Copy !req
399. - Oh, my god!
- Oh, my god.
Copy !req
400. - Excuse me.
When will pop-up sale start?
Copy !req
401. We have lunch reservations for
five at four seasons at 3:00.
Copy !req
402. - Why are you asking me?
Copy !req
403. - You two are doing
pop-up sale, no?
Copy !req
404. - No.
Copy !req
405. I have nothing to do with this
pop-up sale in the bathroom.
Copy !req
406. - So lame.
- So lame.
Copy !req
407. - So lame!
Copy !req
408. - So lame.
Copy !req
409. - Come to lunch with us.
Copy !req
410. - Oh, I've already eaten.
Copy !req
411. - Our treat.
Copy !req
412. - We are not taking no
for an answer.
Copy !req
413. - They're not taking no
for an answer.
Copy !req
414. Sell the ring.
Copy !req
415. - Where is she going?
I thought you two were a team.
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416. - Apparently not.
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417. - So sorry.
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418. I got caught up in a hostage
nicoise situation.
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419. How'd it go?
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420. Did you get full price
for the ring?
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421. - Oh, do you know me?
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422. Because I couldn't sworn
you didn't know me.
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423. My new friends adin
and lablueballs
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424. Thought it was weird
that you just bailed on me.
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425. - Max, I panicked
in the moment.
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426. I didn't want those girls
telling everyone
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427. That caroline channing was in
a bathroom selling her jewelry.
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428. I'm barely back on my feet
after the whole scandal.
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429. I just couldn't bare it.
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430. - Here.
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431. I didn't sell them
because I didn't buy the whole
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432. "in it for the long haul"
thing from the beginning.
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433. And I was right
because I'm always right
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434. About people
in the long haul.
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435. - Max, I'm talking to you.
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436. - It's cool.
We don't need to talk.
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437. - Max, about the rings,
I'm sorry.
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438. I don't know what else
to say.
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439. - You don't need to say
anything.
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440. You already said a lot of words
about the future and us,
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441. And then next thing I know,
you were "oh, my god!"
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442. Off to lunch
with your friends.
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443. - Max, I am in this
for the long haul.
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444. Isn't there anything I can say
to convince you of that?
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445. - Nope.
And it's fine.
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446. It's not you, it's me.
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447. I'm the idiot who actually
believed for a minute
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448. That we had a future.
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449. But it's okay.
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450. We'll just keep getting by
like we are, for the short haul.
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451. Cool?
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452. - Max.
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453. Hey!
- Hey.
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454. What's that smell?
- I'm making cupcakes.
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455. - You lit the pilot light?
- Didn't have to. Look.
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456. - No way!
The bluestar in purple?
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457. What the—
how did it get—
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458. How can—
how could you afford that?
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459. You sold your tat?
- Sold them all.
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460. Spent it on the oven, next-day
delivery fee and installation.
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461. - That woman gave you
a better price?
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462. - No, she pulled a gun on me.
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463. So I went to every gold store
in brooklyn,
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464. Leveraged their offers
against each other
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465. Until I got enough to buy
the bluestar.
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466. - You didn't have to do that.
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467. - After what I did,
there were no more words.
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468. Only ovens.
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469. And our future means more to me
than rings from my past.
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470. I told you, I'm in this
for the long haul.
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471. For the record, I hated lunch
with those girls.
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472. I'd rather split a kit kat
in a bathroom with you any day.
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473. - I'm sorry
I wasn't listening.
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474. I was staring at my new
boyfriend over there.
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475. I wanna make out with it!
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476. Ooh.
Ow! Hot!
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477. There's not a ding!
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478. - There's a ding.
My rings bought a ding.
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479. You wanna hug me, don't you?
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480. - Yeah.
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481. - But you're not gonna.
- Yes, I am.
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482. If you unzip my shirt,
I'm gonna be pissed!
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483. Impressed, but pissed.
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