1. male announcer: IF YOU FIND
YOURSELF ON THIS SHOW, RUN.Copy !req
2. - HEY!Copy !req
3. OR ELSE YOU MIGHT WIND UPCopy !req
4. LIKE THE GUY WHO TOOK
HIS OWN TEMPERATURECopy !req
5. OR THE PURSE SNATCHER
WHO TOOK THE FALL.Copy !req
6. HOW ABOUT THE MUSCLE HEAD
WHO NEEDED A LIFT?Copy !req
7. AND THE CUTE GOTH CHICK
WHO'S ONLY SIN WAS SHOPPING?Copy !req
8. - THE MALL IS THE DEVIL'S
PLAYGROUND!Copy !req
9. male announcer:
THERE'S THE SEX ADDICTCopy !req
10. WHO WAS WAY TOO SMOKIN',Copy !req
11. A BUNGEE JUMPER WHO TOOK
A DIVE...Copy !req
12. AN IDIOT WHO SHOULD'VE STAYED
IN BED,Copy !req
13. AND A COW LOVER
WHO GOT MILKED.Copy !req
14. NO ONE GETS OUT ALIVE
ON THIS NEXT EPISODECopy !req
15. OF 1000 WAYS TO DIE.Copy !req
16. DEATH IS EVERYWHERE.Copy !req
17. MOST OF US TRY TO AVOID IT.Copy !req
18. OTHERS CAN'T GET OUT
OF ITS WAY.Copy !req
19. EVERY DAY WE FIGHT
A NEW WAR AGAINST GERMS...Copy !req
20. TOXINS...Copy !req
21. INJURY...Copy !req
22. ILLNESS, AND CATASTROPHE.Copy !req
23. THERE'S A LOT OF WAYS
TO WIND UP DEAD.Copy !req
24. THE FACT THAT WE SURVIVE AT ALL
IS A MIRACLE...Copy !req
25. BECAUSE EVERY DAY WE LIVE...Copy !req
26. WE FACE 1,000 WAYS TO DIE.Copy !req
27. CARL DUNBAR HAD A SECRET.Copy !req
28. - WELL, MR. DUNBAR,Copy !req
29. WHAT WAS IT THIS TIME?Copy !req
30. - SHAMPOO BOTTLE.Copy !req
31. - I SLIPPED IN THE SHOWER.Copy !req
32. CARL WAS ONE
OF THOSE FREAKSCopy !req
33. WHO COULDN'T STOP
STICKING THINGSCopy !req
34. WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE.Copy !req
35. - THE RECTUM
IS KIND OF TORTUOUS.Copy !req
36. SO IF YOU LOSE SOMETHING
UP THERE,Copy !req
37. IT'S GONNA BE AROUND
A BLIND CORNER.Copy !req
38. WITH A VALVE IN FRONT OF IT,Copy !req
39. MAY BE VERY DIFFICULT FOR YOU
TO DIG OUT ON YOUR OWN.Copy !req
40. THE OBJECT FORMS A SEAL
WITH THAT SOFT, MOIST MUCOSACopy !req
41. OF THE RECTUM.Copy !req
42. AND NO AIR CAN GET IN.Copy !req
43. SO IT'S LIKE, UH,
TRYING TO PULL A CORKCopy !req
44. OUT OF A BOTTLE.Copy !req
45. - THIS IS THE THIRD TIME
IN FIVE MONTHSCopy !req
46. THAT YOU SLIPPED
IN THE SHOWER.Copy !req
47. - I'M SORRY.
- LET ME TAKE A LOOK.Copy !req
48. CARL WAS HARDLY THE FIRSTCopy !req
49. TO BECOME ADDICTED
TO BUTT BOINKING.Copy !req
50. EMERGENCY ROOMS SEE CASES
LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME.Copy !req
51. - SOME OF THE THINGS
THAT I'VE SEEN IN THERE,Copy !req
52. CARROTS, A SNOW GLOBE,
WHICH WAS SQUARE,Copy !req
53. A LIGHT BULB, FLASHLIGHT,
REMOTE CONTROL FOR A TV.Copy !req
54. I'VE SEEN A METAL SPRING
FROM A GARAGE DOOR.Copy !req
55. I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY GOT
THAT DOWN.Copy !req
56. EVEN WHILE RECOVERING
FROM HIS LATEST ANAL ESCAPADE,Copy !req
57. CARL WAS DESPERATE
FOR MORE PROBING.Copy !req
58. A SINGLE THERMOMETER WOULDN'T
DO MUCH FOR CARL'S CRATER,Copy !req
59. BUT NINE OF THEM TAPED TOGETHER
MIGHT BE THE PERFECT FITCopy !req
60. FOR CARL'S BAD CAVERN.Copy !req
61. HE TOOK THE PLUNGE
WITH HIS MAKESHIFT MASHER.Copy !req
62. NINE THERMOMETERS
GOING IN AND OUT HIS KEISTERCopy !req
63. WAS MAKING CARL
PERFECTLY ASS-IN-NINE.Copy !req
64. AND THEN THE DOCTOR CAME IN.Copy !req
65. THERE'S SOMETHING YOU DON'T
HEAR EVERY DAY,Copy !req
66. NINE THERMOMETERS
BREAKING DEEPCopy !req
67. UP SOMEONE'S ANAL CANAL.Copy !req
68. - WHAT'S WRONG?Copy !req
69. - YOU OKAY?
ARE YOU—ARE YOU IN PAIN?Copy !req
70. TELL ME.Copy !req
71. - OH, MY GOD.Copy !req
72. CARL REALLY
SCREWED HIMSELF.Copy !req
73. THE THERMOMETERS SHATTERED,Copy !req
74. SLICING THROUGH LARGE VEINS
IN HIS COLON.Copy !req
75. TO MAKE THINGS WORSE,Copy !req
76. TOXIC MERCURY BEGAN SEEPING
INTO CARL'S BLOODSTREAM.Copy !req
77. - MERCURY IS A HEAVY METAL.
EXTREMELY TOXIC.Copy !req
78. IT CAN AFFECT
A VARIETY OF THINGS.Copy !req
79. IT CAN INHIBIT
ENZYMATIC PATHWAYS,Copy !req
80. RESULTING IN BRAIN DAMAGE,
LIVER DAMAGE, RENAL FAILURE.Copy !req
81. CARL GAME HIMSELFCopy !req
82. INTERNAL BLEEDING
AND TOXIC SHOCK.Copy !req
83. DID HE DIE?Copy !req
84. HE REALLY WRECKED-'IM-SELF.Copy !req
85. YOU CAN TAKE A STRIPPER
OFF THE POLE,Copy !req
86. BUT THEY STILL DRESS
LIKE SLUTS.Copy !req
87. TAKE SYLVIA HERE.Copy !req
88. SHE WORKED THE STRIP CLUBS
LONG AND HARDCopy !req
89. UNTIL SHE FOUND
HER SUGAR DADDY.Copy !req
90. NOW SHE ENJOYED
SPENDING HIS MONEYCopy !req
91. AND TURNING HEADS
IN HER SLEEPY DALLAS SUBURB.Copy !req
92. ONE OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD LOCALS
WAS MIKEY,Copy !req
93. A PSYCHOPATHIC THIEF.Copy !req
94. ONE DAY WHILE SYLVIA
WAS STRUTTINGCopy !req
95. HER STILL SIZZLING STUFF,Copy !req
96. MIKEY SPOTTED
THE EX-EXOTIC DANCER.Copy !req
97. HE LIKED THE LOOKS
OF HER PURSE.Copy !req
98. - MOST STREET THUGS
THAT TAKE A WOMAN'S PURSECopy !req
99. GET AWAY WITH IT IF THERE'S
NO ONE AROUND TO SEE THEM.Copy !req
100. - NO! NO! DROP IT!Copy !req
101. UGH! SON OF A...!Copy !req
102. SEEING WHAT HAPPENED,
A NEIGHBOR RAN AFTER THE THIEF.Copy !req
103. - HEY, YOU, STOP!Copy !req
104. MIKEY TRIED
TO AVOID HIM,Copy !req
105. BUT HIS FRONT WHEEL
CAUGHT A FLAGSTONECopy !req
106. AT THE END OF A DRIVEWAY.Copy !req
107. HIS BIKE STOPPED,
BUT MIKEY KEPT GOING.Copy !req
108. THE SCREWDRIVER
MIKEY USED TO THREATEN SYLVIACopy !req
109. SUDDENLY TURNED ON HIM
AND PUNCTURED HIS HEART.Copy !req
110. - WHETHER THE ASSAILANT USES
AN ICE PICK, A SCREWDRIVER,Copy !req
111. OR A BLADE,
YOU ARE MOST LIKELY TO DIECopy !req
112. IF A THIN-WALLED STRUCTURECopy !req
113. SUCH AS THE LEFT OR RIGHT
ATRIUM,Copy !req
114. THE AORTA,
OR THE PULMONARY ARTERY ARE CUT.Copy !req
115. THEY BLEED AROUND THE HEARTCopy !req
116. INTO THE SAC THAT COVERS
THE HEART CALLED THE PERICARDIUMCopy !req
117. AND THEY DIE OF A CONDITION
CALLED PERICARDIAL TAMPONADE.Copy !req
118. MIKEY LEARNED
THE HARD WAYCopy !req
119. SNATCHING A PURSE
FROM AN EX-STRIPPERCopy !req
120. IS RISKY BUSINESS.Copy !req
121. YOU JUST MIGHT GET SCREWED.Copy !req
122. - AH! AH!Copy !req
123. COMING UP,
A BIG APE TRIES TO DEAD LIFTCopy !req
124. AND A GOTH GETS BEDEVILED.Copy !req
125. - SATAN BE GONE!Copy !req
126. - AH! AH!Copy !req
127. PETE WAS A WORKOUT WARRIOR.Copy !req
128. - YAH!Copy !req
129. ALL HIS FREE TIMECopy !req
130. AND EVERY PENNY HE EARNED
AT HIS CONSTRUCTION JOBCopy !req
131. WAS INVESTED
IN HIS PHYSIQUE.Copy !req
132. - AH!Copy !req
133. HE POUNDED
THE HEAVY BAG,Copy !req
134. SHADOWBOXED,Copy !req
135. AND DID EVERYTHING HE COULD
TO PUFF UP HIS PECS.Copy !req
136. - AH! AH!Copy !req
137. - THE EXERCISE GIVES YOU A SENSE
OF WELL-BEINGCopy !req
138. AND—AND FEELING GREAT.Copy !req
139. AND SO WHAT THEY DO IS THEY
START DOING A LITTLE MORE,Copy !req
140. A LITTLE MORE.Copy !req
141. AND REALLY BASICALLY
WHAT THEY'RE DOINGCopy !req
142. IS THEY'RE JUST REPLACING THAT
AS AN ADDICTION FOR DRINKINGCopy !req
143. OR DRUGS 'CAUSE THEY GET
THAT SAME EUPHORIC FEELINGCopy !req
144. FROM THE WORKOUT.Copy !req
145. - AAH!Copy !req
146. BUT PETE ENJOYED
DRINKING AS WELL.Copy !req
147. HE AND HIS WORKOUT PARTNER
WOULD POUND DOWN SHOTSCopy !req
148. OF TEQUILA AND PLAY
THE DEAD WEIGHT CHALLENGE.Copy !req
149. - LET'S GO!Copy !req
150. PETE AND HIS BUDDY HANKCopy !req
151. TESTED THEIR MANHOOD
ON VARIOUS PIECESCopy !req
152. PETE COLLECTED
FROM CONSTRUCTION SITES.Copy !req
153. - IF YOU'RE DRINKING
AND YOU START LIFTING WEIGHTS,Copy !req
154. THE FIRST TENDENCY
YOU WOULD HAVECopy !req
155. IS TO THINK "OH, I CAN REALLY
PUMP A LOT OF WEIGHTS.Copy !req
156. I CAN DO, UH, FASTER,
STRONGER."Copy !req
157. - YOU AIN'T GOT IT.Copy !req
158. - THE MUSCLES—FIRST,
THEY CAN PUMP REAL HARD.Copy !req
159. SO THEY'LL OVERDO IT.Copy !req
160. AND THEY'VE ALREADY GONE
BEYOND WHERE THEY SHOULD GO.Copy !req
161. AND THEN ALL OF THE SUDDEN,Copy !req
162. THE MUSCLES JUST GIVE OUT
RIGHT AWAY.Copy !req
163. BUT NOTHING
WAS TOO HEAVYCopy !req
164. FOR THESE MUSCLE HEADS.Copy !req
165. - SEE?
- WATCH THIS. WATCH THIS. WATCH.Copy !req
166. PETE LIKED TO CALL
THE 350-POUND PIECE OF I-BEAMCopy !req
167. "THE CRUSHER."Copy !req
168. - YEAH, WHATEVER, MAN.Copy !req
169. UNFORTUNATELY, THE CRUSHERCopy !req
170. CRUSHED PETE'S WINDPIPE.Copy !req
171. - MOST LIKELY,
THIS INDIVIDUAL DIEDCopy !req
172. FROM TRACHEAL OBSTRUCTION.Copy !req
173. FROM A CRUSHED LARYNX
OR TRACHEA.Copy !req
174. ONCE THOSE ARE CRUSHED,Copy !req
175. IT'S VERY DIFFICULT
TO OPEN THOSE BACK UP.Copy !req
176. SO THIS PERSON MOST LIKELY
SUFFOCATED.Copy !req
177. PETE'S PECS HAD PUMPEDCopy !req
178. THEIR LAST PIECE OF IRON.Copy !req
179. HERE'S SOMETHING YOU DON'T
SEE EVERY DAY.Copy !req
180. - OH, IT'S COMING!Copy !req
181. A 17-YEAR-OLD GIRL
STAKED TO A PENTAGRAMCopy !req
182. IN HER OWN BACKYARD.Copy !req
183. - SATAN BE GONE.
EVIL AWAY.Copy !req
184. STACEY'S
BEEN A FOSTER CHILDCopy !req
185. HER WHOLE LIFE.Copy !req
186. BUT HER LATEST CARETAKERS,
ROMAN AND MINNIE,Copy !req
187. TAKE THE CAKE.Copy !req
188. THEY ARE TOTAL
RELIGIOUS FREAKSCopy !req
189. WHO ONLY TOOK HER IN
FOR THE TAX BENEFITS.Copy !req
190. NOW THEY'VE DECIDED
STACEY'S PIERCINGS, TATTOOS,Copy !req
191. AND OVERALL GOTH APPEARANCE
ARE SURE SIGNSCopy !req
192. SHE'S POSSESSED
BY THE DEVIL.Copy !req
193. THEY DIDN'T APPROVE OF HER GOTH
BOYFRIEND EITHER.Copy !req
194. SO THEY GATHERED THEIR CULT
MEMBER FRIENDSCopy !req
195. FOR A RITUAL EXORCISM,
HENCE THE PENTAGRAM.Copy !req
196. - SATAN BE GONE!Copy !req
197. STACEY'S DECIDED
IT'S EASER TO GO ALONGCopy !req
198. WITH THIS FIASCO
RATHER THAN PUT UP A FIGHT.Copy !req
199. THAT WAY SHE'LL GET OUT
IN TIME TO MAKE HER DATE.Copy !req
200. - I WANT TO GO
TO THE MALL NOW.Copy !req
201. - MALL IS THE DEVIL'S
PLAYGROUND.Copy !req
202. THE MALL IS THE DEVIL'S
PLAYGROUND.Copy !req
203. - THE MALL IS THE DEVIL'S
PLAYGROUND!Copy !req
204. - THERE ARE MANY RITUALS
TO TRY TO EXORCISECopy !req
205. OR PURIFY AN INDIVIDUAL THOUGHT
TO BE POSSESSED BY DEMONS.Copy !req
206. AND, OF COURSE,
THIS CAN MEAN GREAT PAINCopy !req
207. FOR THE INDIVIDUAL INVOLVED.Copy !req
208. AND IF THEY'RE NOT REALLY
POSSESSED,Copy !req
209. IT WOULD BE A FUTILE EFFORT
TO TRY TO CLEANSE THEM.Copy !req
210. - SATAN BE GONE!
- EVIL AWAY!Copy !req
211. AS PART OF THE EXORCISM,Copy !req
212. THE CULTISTS BURNED
A LOT OF COAL AND INCENSECopy !req
213. INSIDE A TENT
WITH NO VENTILATION.Copy !req
214. BAD IDEA.Copy !req
215. THE INCENSE WAS RELEASING
THE TOXIC CHEMICAL BENZOPYRENE.Copy !req
216. COAL, AS WE ALL KNOW,Copy !req
217. GIVES OFF DEADLY
CARBON MONOXIDE.Copy !req
218. THE COMBINATION
OF THE TWO GASESCopy !req
219. WAS MAKING THEM LIGHT-HEADED,
UNABLE TO THINK RATIONALLY.Copy !req
220. THEY SHOULD'VE CRAWLED
OUT OF THE TENT.Copy !req
221. INSTEAD, THEY STAYED INSIDE
AND SUCCUMBED TO THE LACKCopy !req
222. OF OXYGEN.Copy !req
223. - CARBON MONOXIDE IS A GAS.Copy !req
224. AND WHEN THE BODY
BREATHES IT IN,Copy !req
225. IT BINDS
TO THE MAJOR MOLECULECopy !req
226. THAT CARRIES OXYGEN
TO THE BODYCopy !req
227. AND BLOCKS IT
FROM CARRYING OXYGEN.Copy !req
228. SO THE BODY ESSENTIALLY
ASPHYXIATES.Copy !req
229. IT'S ONLY A MATTER
OF MINUTESCopy !req
230. BEFORE YOUR BRIAN
IS GOING TO EXPERIENCECopy !req
231. NEAR-LETHAL LEVELS
OF LOW OXYGEN.Copy !req
232. - GUYS. HELLO.
OH, MY GOD.Copy !req
233. STACEY CAUGHT A BREAK.Copy !req
234. THERE WAS A LAYER OF FRESH AIR
LOW TO THE GROUND.Copy !req
235. WHILE EVERYONE ELSE
STRUGGLED TO BREATHE,Copy !req
236. SHE MANAGED TO UNTIE HERSELF
AND ESCAPE.Copy !req
237. IN THEIR ATTEMPT TO KILL
THE DEVIL INSIDE STACEY...Copy !req
238. - SEE YA LATER, FREAKS!Copy !req
239. THEY WOUND UP
KILLING THEMSELVES.Copy !req
240. UP NEXT, A LOVER'S RELATIONSHIP
GETS A LITTLE PATCHYCopy !req
241. AND FOUR TIMES STUPID
EQUALS TWO TIMES DEAD.Copy !req
242. MINDY WAS A LOT
LIKE A GUY.Copy !req
243. SHE'D MUCH RATHER GET IT ON
THAN WASTE TIME WITH FEELINGS.Copy !req
244. HER BOYFRIEND LEX
WAS THE PERFECT MATCH SEXUALLY.Copy !req
245. HE LIKED TO FEED HER ADDICTION
ALL DAY LONG.Copy !req
246. - A PERSON WHO IS A SEX ADDICTCopy !req
247. ISN'T ONLY ADDICTED
TO THE ACT ITSELF.Copy !req
248. THEY'RE ADDICTED
TO THE EXPERIENCECopy !req
249. AND THE PLEASURE
THAT'S COMING FROM THEIR BRAIN.Copy !req
250. AND IT'S SOMETHING THAT YOU FEEL
LIKE YOU CAN CONTROL.Copy !req
251. LIKE, YOU CAN GO OUT
AND GET MORE OF THAT.Copy !req
252. AND THAT'S WHAT OFTEN LEADS
TO SEX ADDICTION.Copy !req
253. LEX LOVED ONE
OF MINDY'S ADDICTIONS,Copy !req
254. BUT NOT THE OTHER.Copy !req
255. - YOU'RE SERIOUSLY GONNA
SMOKE NOW.Copy !req
256. IN FACT,
HE HATED CIGARETTESCopy !req
257. AND HAD REACHED A POINT
WHERE THE STROKIN' AND POKIN'Copy !req
258. WAS NO LONGER WORTH
THE SMOKIN'.Copy !req
259. - HERE'S THE DEAL, IF YOU'RE
GONNA CONTINUE SMOKING,Copy !req
260. NO MORE SEX FOR YOU.Copy !req
261. IT WAS A NO-BRAINER.Copy !req
262. MINDY LIKED SMOKING,
BUT SHE LOVED SEX.Copy !req
263. - THERE IS SO MUCH POTENTIAL
FEAR AND AGITATIONCopy !req
264. ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE
OF WITHDRAWING FROM NICOTINECopy !req
265. THAT IT COULD DRIVE A PERSONCopy !req
266. TO WANT TO DO SOMETHING
IRRATIONAL.Copy !req
267. MINDY DIDN'T WANT
TO LOSE OUTCopy !req
268. ON ONE DAY OF LEX'S BONING.Copy !req
269. BUT IF SHE WAS GOING
TO STOP SMOKING,Copy !req
270. SHE WANTED TO GET IT
OVER WITH.Copy !req
271. TO THAT END, SHE PUT A MONTH'S
WORTH OF NICOTINE PATCHESCopy !req
272. ON HER BODYCopy !req
273. TO QUIT ONCE AND FOR ALL,
OVERNIGHT.Copy !req
274. - WHEN YOU'RE GIVING YOURSELF
THAT HUGE OF A DOSECopy !req
275. OF NICOTINE, UH,
YOU ARE ACTUALLY GOINGCopy !req
276. TO OVERSTIMULATE
YOUR NEURAL SYSTEM.Copy !req
277. THIS INCREASED AMOUNT
OF DOPAMINECopy !req
278. COULD RESULT
IN HALLUCINATIONS.Copy !req
279. MINDY'S HALLUCINATIONSCopy !req
280. ONLY GOT WORSE
AS HER PLEASURE CENTERSCopy !req
281. WERE OVERLOADED
WITH NICOTINE.Copy !req
282. - THAT'S GOING TO CAUSE
A STIMULATORY RESPONSE,Copy !req
283. UM, ON YOUR HEART.Copy !req
284. BECAUSE IT'S OVERWORKING,
YOUR HEART CAN FAIL.Copy !req
285. MINDY THOUGHT
THAT YOU COULD KICK AN ADDICTIONCopy !req
286. WITH A PATCH JOB.Copy !req
287. INSTEAD, SHE WOUND UP
SMOKING HERSELF.Copy !req
288. THE FOLLOWING TALE
INVOLVES TWO PAIRS OF FRIENDSCopy !req
289. SEPARATED
BY THOUSANDS OF MILES,Copy !req
290. IGNORANT OF EACH OTHER'S
EXISTENCE,Copy !req
291. BUT UNITED
IN THEIR COMMON PURSUITCopy !req
292. OF ALL THINGS STUPID.Copy !req
293. - I HAVE AN IDEA.
BUNGEE JUMPING.Copy !req
294. - LET'S GET IT DONE.
- ALL RIGHT.Copy !req
295. - WE SHOULD INVENT OUR OWN
EXTREME SPORT.Copy !req
296. LIKE AN X-SPORT.Copy !req
297. - RIGHT?
- YEAH!Copy !req
298. ALL FOUR ARE INSPIRED
ONLY AFTER DRINKINGCopy !req
299. WAY TOO MANY BEERS.Copy !req
300. A WARNING TO ALL
WHO ARE WATCHING THIS.Copy !req
301. THOSE ARE NOT GOOD IDEAS
AT THE BOTTOMSCopy !req
302. OF YOUR BEER CANS.Copy !req
303. IT'S JUST SALIVA.Copy !req
304. - GONNA DO IT, BUDDY.
- YOU'RE DOING IT.Copy !req
305. TEAM NUMBER ONE
IS THINKING BUNGEE JUMPINGCopy !req
306. OFF A CHERRY PICKER
IS A GOOD WAYCopy !req
307. TO KILL AN AFTERNOON.Copy !req
308. - I CAN DO IT.Copy !req
309. TEAM NUMBER TWO
HOPES SOMETHING THEY CALLCopy !req
310. "MATTRESS SURFING"Copy !req
311. WILL REWARD THEM
WITH FAME AND RICHES.Copy !req
312. BOTH IDEAS
INVOLVE EXTREME STUNTS.Copy !req
313. - DO IT!Copy !req
314. AND BOTH
ARE EXTREMELY ILL-ADVISED.Copy !req
315. - WHOO!
- WHOO-OOH!Copy !req
316. - SURFING THE WIND, DUDE!
- HOO-HOO-HOO!Copy !req
317. SURFING!Copy !req
318. - COME ON.Copy !req
319. THE DRUNKER
OF THE TWO BUNGEE JUMPERSCopy !req
320. GETS INTO POSITION
65 FEET OFF THE GROUND.Copy !req
321. - JUMP!Copy !req
322. AND DROPS
LIKE A SACK OF HAMMERS.Copy !req
323. THE DUMBER OF THE TWO
MATTRESS SURFERSCopy !req
324. HANGS TEN AND THEN STARTS
TO WIPE OUT.Copy !req
325. DRUNK BUNGEE MAN GOES SPLAT.Copy !req
326. HE MEASURED THE CORD WRONG.Copy !req
327. DRUNK MATTRESS MAN DISCOVERS
A LITTLE TOO LATE...Copy !req
328. THE GROUND IS HARD.Copy !req
329. BOTH WERE NUTLESS MONKEYS.Copy !req
330. BOTH WERE TOO DRUNK TO THINK.Copy !req
331. AND BOTH WOUND UP BREAKING
EVERY BONE...Copy !req
332. IN THEIR BODIES.Copy !req
333. - IF YOU THINK ABOUT HOW
PEOPLE GET HURT,Copy !req
334. HOW THEY BECOME
TRAUMA PATIENTS,Copy !req
335. GUNSHOT WOUNDS,
STAB WOUNDS,Copy !req
336. HIGH LEVEL FALLS,
MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENTS,Copy !req
337. CAR ACCIDENTS,Copy !req
338. 18 TO 35-YEAR-OLD MALES
ARE THE MOST COMMON PATIENTSCopy !req
339. AND THEY'RE OFTEN DRUNK.Copy !req
340. IS THERE A LESSON
TO BE LEARNEDCopy !req
341. AMIDST THIS PARALLEL CARNAGE?Copy !req
342. - YEAH!Copy !req
343. IF YOU'RE DRUNK,Copy !req
344. THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO
IS FALL RIGHT INTO BED.Copy !req
345. JUST MAKE SURE THE FALL
ISN'T TOO HIGH...Copy !req
346. AND THE BED ISN'T GOING
60 MILES AN HOUR.Copy !req
347. COMING UP...Copy !req
348. HOLY COW,
THIS GUY'S A FREAK.Copy !req
349. WE CAN START THIS
STORY BY STATING THE OBVIOUS—Copy !req
350. NOBODY'S PERFECT.Copy !req
351. THE GUY CREEPING AROUND
THE BARNYARDCopy !req
352. IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE.Copy !req
353. BERNARD HAD AN UNNATURAL
OBSESSION.Copy !req
354. AN UNCONTROLLABLE COMPULSION.Copy !req
355. AN OVERWHELMING DESIRE...Copy !req
356. FOR MILK.Copy !req
357. - YES.Copy !req
358. BUT HE DIDN'T
PURCHASE ITCopy !req
359. FROM THE GROCERY STORE.Copy !req
360. - HELLO, BEAUTIFUL.Copy !req
361. AND HE DIDN'T DRINK ITCopy !req
362. OUT OF A CARTON.Copy !req
363. HE WAS DRIVEN TO GO
DIRECTLY TO THE SOURCE.Copy !req
364. IN BERNARD'S CASE,Copy !req
365. THE HEALTHY WHITE ELIXIR
WAS RICH IN VITAMIN D.Copy !req
366. AS IN D-RANGED.Copy !req
367. HOW TO EXPLAIN BERNARD'S
INSATIABLE BOVINE THIRST?Copy !req
368. - MM.
AH, NECTAR OF THE GODS!Copy !req
369. COULD IT BE
HE WASN'T BREAST-FEDCopy !req
370. AS A BABY?Copy !req
371. MAYBE HE WAS A COW
IN A PAST LIFE.Copy !req
372. MORE LIKELY, IT WAS THE FACT
THAT HE WAS HAUNTEDCopy !req
373. BY THE MEMORY OF HIS TWISTED
UNCLE TIMCopy !req
374. WHO TORMENTED HIM
WHILE WEARING A COW SUITE.Copy !req
375. - AH!Copy !req
376. - IT SOUNDS LIKE HE HAD
A VERY SADISTIC UNCLE,Copy !req
377. UM, WHO, YOU KNOW,
PLAYED THESE GAMES WITH HIMCopy !req
378. WHILE THE UNCLE
WAS IN A COW SUIT.Copy !req
379. SO HE PUT TOGETHER
THAT HIS SEXUAL AROUSAL PATTERNCopy !req
380. WAS ABOUT BEING HUMILIATED...
- MOO.Copy !req
381. - AND BEING HUMILIATED
BY AN ANIMAL.Copy !req
382. IN THIS CASE, A COW.Copy !req
383. ON THIS PARTICULAR TRIPCopy !req
384. TO THE DAIRY QUEEN,Copy !req
385. BERNARD GOT MILK
AND THEN SOME.Copy !req
386. COW MILK IS REALLY GOOD
FOR BABY COWS.Copy !req
387. NOT WEIRDOS LOOKING
FOR LACTOSE INJECTION.Copy !req
388. HE CLAMPED DOWN
A LITTLE TOO HARD ON A TEATCopy !req
389. AND THE COW WENT TIT FOR TAT.Copy !req
390. AND THAT WAS THAT.Copy !req
391. - WHEN SOMEONE'S EXPOSED
TO THIS BLUNT TRAUMACopy !req
392. OR BLAST WAVE,Copy !req
393. THE BRAIN IS ACTUALLY PUSHED
AGAINST THE SKULL.Copy !req
394. AND THE BRAIN,
WHICH IS A VERY SOFT TISSUECopy !req
395. WILL COMPRESS AND BE DAMAGED
AGAINST THAT.Copy !req
396. IF ENOUGH OF THAT DAMAGE OCCURS,
A PERSON CAN DIE FROM THAT.Copy !req
397. MILK IS GOOD FOR YOU.Copy !req
398. BUT TOO MUCH GOOD
CAN BE BAD.Copy !req
399. A LESSON BERNARD LEARNED
THE HARD WAYCopy !req
400. WHEN THINGS TURNED SOUR.Copy !req
401. GOT DEATH?Copy !req