1000 Ways to Die 2x6

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A exhibitionist gets the shock of his life, a death that's literally hard to swallow & a street ball player gets some deadly hang time.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. male announcer: IF YOU FIND YOURSELF ON THIS SHOW, RUN.

2. - HEY!

3. WHO TOOK THE FALL.

4. WHO NEEDED A LIFT?

5. WHO'S ONLY SIN WAS SHOPPING?

6. - THE MALL IS THE DEVIL'S PLAYGROUND!

7. male announcer: THERE'S THE SEX ADDICT

8. WHO WAS WAY TOO SMOKIN',

9. A DIVE...

10. AN IDIOT WHO SHOULD'VE STAYED IN BED,

11. WHO GOT MILKED.

12. OF 1000 WAYS TO DIE.

13. DEATH IS EVERYWHERE.

14. MOST OF US TRY TO AVOID IT.

15. OTHERS CAN'T GET OUT OF ITS WAY.

16. A NEW WAR AGAINST GERMS...

17. TOXINS...

18. INJURY...

19. ILLNESS, AND CATASTROPHE.

20. THERE'S A LOT OF WAYS TO WIND UP DEAD.

21. IS A MIRACLE...

22. BECAUSE EVERY DAY WE LIVE...

23. WE FACE 1,000 WAYS TO DIE.

24. CARL DUNBAR HAD A SECRET.

25. - WELL, MR. DUNBAR,

26. WHAT WAS IT THIS TIME?

27. - SHAMPOO BOTTLE.

28. - I SLIPPED IN THE SHOWER.

29. WHO COULDN'T STOP

30. WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE.

31. IS KIND OF TORTUOUS.

32. UP THERE,

33. IT'S GONNA BE AROUND A BLIND CORNER.

34. WITH A VALVE IN FRONT OF IT,

35. TO DIG OUT ON YOUR OWN.

36. WITH THAT SOFT, MOIST MUCOSA

37. OF THE RECTUM.

38. AND NO AIR CAN GET IN.

39. SO IT'S LIKE, UH,

40. OUT OF A BOTTLE.

41. IN THE SHOWER.

42. - I'M SORRY. - LET ME TAKE A LOOK.

43. TO BUTT BOINKING.

44. LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME.

45. THAT I'VE SEEN IN THERE,

46. CARROTS, A SNOW GLOBE, WHICH WAS SQUARE,

47. A LIGHT BULB, FLASHLIGHT, REMOTE CONTROL FOR A TV.

48. I'VE SEEN A METAL SPRING FROM A GARAGE DOOR.

49. I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY GOT THAT DOWN.

50. FROM HIS LATEST ANAL ESCAPADE,

51. FOR MORE PROBING.

52. A SINGLE THERMOMETER WOULDN'T DO MUCH FOR CARL'S CRATER,

53. FOR CARL'S BAD CAVERN.

54. WITH HIS MAKESHIFT MASHER.

55. PERFECTLY ASS-IN-NINE.

56. AND THEN THE DOCTOR CAME IN.

57. THERE'S SOMETHING YOU DON'T HEAR EVERY DAY,

58. UP SOMEONE'S ANAL CANAL.

59. - WHAT'S WRONG?

60. - YOU OKAY? ARE YOU—ARE YOU IN PAIN?

61. TELL ME.

62. - OH, MY GOD.

63. SCREWED HIMSELF.

64. THE THERMOMETERS SHATTERED,

65. IN HIS COLON.

66. TO MAKE THINGS WORSE,

67. INTO CARL'S BLOODSTREAM.

68. - MERCURY IS A HEAVY METAL. EXTREMELY TOXIC.

69. A VARIETY OF THINGS.

70. ENZYMATIC PATHWAYS,

71. RESULTING IN BRAIN DAMAGE, LIVER DAMAGE, RENAL FAILURE.

72. AND TOXIC SHOCK.

73. DID HE DIE?

74. HE REALLY WRECKED-'IM-SELF.

75. OFF THE POLE,

76. LIKE SLUTS.

77. TAKE SYLVIA HERE.

78. HER SUGAR DADDY.

79. IN HER SLEEPY DALLAS SUBURB.

80. WAS MIKEY,

81. A PSYCHOPATHIC THIEF.

82. HER STILL SIZZLING STUFF,

83. THE EX-EXOTIC DANCER.

84. OF HER PURSE.

85. THAT TAKE A WOMAN'S PURSE

86. GET AWAY WITH IT IF THERE'S NO ONE AROUND TO SEE THEM.

87. - NO! NO! DROP IT!

88. UGH! SON OF A...!

89. SEEING WHAT HAPPENED, A NEIGHBOR RAN AFTER THE THIEF.

90. - HEY, YOU, STOP!

91. TO AVOID HIM,

92. AT THE END OF A DRIVEWAY.

93. HIS BIKE STOPPED, BUT MIKEY KEPT GOING.

94. AND PUNCTURED HIS HEART.

95. AN ICE PICK, A SCREWDRIVER,

96. OR A BLADE,

97. ATRIUM,

98. THE AORTA, OR THE PULMONARY ARTERY ARE CUT.

99. CALLED PERICARDIAL TAMPONADE.

100. IS RISKY BUSINESS.

101. YOU JUST MIGHT GET SCREWED.

102. - AH! AH!

103. COMING UP,

104. AND A GOTH GETS BEDEVILED.

105. - SATAN BE GONE!

106. - AH! AH!

107. PETE WAS A WORKOUT WARRIOR.

108. - YAH!

109. IN HIS PHYSIQUE.

110. - AH!

111. THE HEAVY BAG,

112. SHADOWBOXED,

113. TO PUFF UP HIS PECS.

114. - AH! AH!

115. AND—AND FEELING GREAT.

116. START DOING A LITTLE MORE,

117. A LITTLE MORE.

118. WHAT THEY'RE DOING

119. IS THEY'RE JUST REPLACING THAT

120. OR DRUGS 'CAUSE THEY GET

121. FROM THE WORKOUT.

122. - AAH!

123. DRINKING AS WELL.

124. THE DEAD WEIGHT CHALLENGE.

125. - LET'S GO!

126. FROM CONSTRUCTION SITES.

127. - IF YOU'RE DRINKING AND YOU START LIFTING WEIGHTS,

128. IS TO THINK "OH, I CAN REALLY PUMP A LOT OF WEIGHTS.

129. I CAN DO, UH, FASTER, STRONGER."

130. - YOU AIN'T GOT IT.

131. - THE MUSCLES—FIRST, THEY CAN PUMP REAL HARD.

132. SO THEY'LL OVERDO IT.

133. AND THEY'VE ALREADY GONE BEYOND WHERE THEY SHOULD GO.

134. AND THEN ALL OF THE SUDDEN,

135. RIGHT AWAY.

136. FOR THESE MUSCLE HEADS.

137. - SEE? - WATCH THIS. WATCH THIS. WATCH.

138. THE 350-POUND PIECE OF I-BEAM

139. "THE CRUSHER."

140. - YEAH, WHATEVER, MAN.

141. UNFORTUNATELY, THE CRUSHER

142. CRUSHED PETE'S WINDPIPE.

143. - MOST LIKELY,

144. FROM TRACHEAL OBSTRUCTION.

145. OR TRACHEA.

146. ONCE THOSE ARE CRUSHED,

147. IT'S VERY DIFFICULT TO OPEN THOSE BACK UP.

148. SUFFOCATED.

149. PETE'S PECS HAD PUMPED

150. THEIR LAST PIECE OF IRON.

151. HERE'S SOMETHING YOU DON'T SEE EVERY DAY.

152. - OH, IT'S COMING!

153. A 17-YEAR-OLD GIRL

154. IN HER OWN BACKYARD.

155. - SATAN BE GONE. EVIL AWAY.

156. STACEY'S

157. HER WHOLE LIFE.

158. BUT HER LATEST CARETAKERS, ROMAN AND MINNIE,

159. TAKE THE CAKE.

160. FOR THE TAX BENEFITS.

161. NOW THEY'VE DECIDED STACEY'S PIERCINGS, TATTOOS,

162. SHE'S POSSESSED BY THE DEVIL.

163. THEY DIDN'T APPROVE OF HER GOTH BOYFRIEND EITHER.

164. FOR A RITUAL EXORCISM, HENCE THE PENTAGRAM.

165. - SATAN BE GONE!

166. STACEY'S DECIDED IT'S EASER TO GO ALONG

167. RATHER THAN PUT UP A FIGHT.

168. THAT WAY SHE'LL GET OUT IN TIME TO MAKE HER DATE.

169. TO THE MALL NOW.

170. - MALL IS THE DEVIL'S PLAYGROUND.

171. THE MALL IS THE DEVIL'S PLAYGROUND.

172. - THE MALL IS THE DEVIL'S PLAYGROUND!

173. TO BE POSSESSED BY DEMONS.

174. AND, OF COURSE,

175. FOR THE INDIVIDUAL INVOLVED.

176. AND IF THEY'RE NOT REALLY POSSESSED,

177. TO TRY TO CLEANSE THEM.

178. - SATAN BE GONE! - EVIL AWAY!

179. AS PART OF THE EXORCISM,

180. WITH NO VENTILATION.

181. BAD IDEA.

182. THE TOXIC CHEMICAL BENZOPYRENE.

183. COAL, AS WE ALL KNOW,

184. CARBON MONOXIDE.

185. WAS MAKING THEM LIGHT-HEADED, UNABLE TO THINK RATIONALLY.

186. THEY SHOULD'VE CRAWLED OUT OF THE TENT.

187. INSTEAD, THEY STAYED INSIDE

188. OF OXYGEN.

189. - CARBON MONOXIDE IS A GAS.

190. BREATHES IT IN,

191. FROM CARRYING OXYGEN.

192. ASPHYXIATES.

193. IT'S ONLY A MATTER

194. OF LOW OXYGEN.

195. - GUYS. HELLO. OH, MY GOD.

196. STACEY CAUGHT A BREAK.

197. LOW TO THE GROUND.

198. STRUGGLED TO BREATHE,

199. AND ESCAPE.

200. THE DEVIL INSIDE STACEY...

201. - SEE YA LATER, FREAKS!

202. KILLING THEMSELVES.

203. UP NEXT, A LOVER'S RELATIONSHIP

204. EQUALS TWO TIMES DEAD.

205. LIKE A GUY.

206. SHE'D MUCH RATHER GET IT ON THAN WASTE TIME WITH FEELINGS.

207. WAS THE PERFECT MATCH SEXUALLY.

208. ALL DAY LONG.

209. ISN'T ONLY ADDICTED TO THE ACT ITSELF.

210. THEY'RE ADDICTED

211. THAT'S COMING FROM THEIR BRAIN.

212. AND IT'S SOMETHING THAT YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN CONTROL.

213. LIKE, YOU CAN GO OUT AND GET MORE OF THAT.

214. AND THAT'S WHAT OFTEN LEADS TO SEX ADDICTION.

215. OF MINDY'S ADDICTIONS,

216. BUT NOT THE OTHER.

217. - YOU'RE SERIOUSLY GONNA SMOKE NOW.

218. IN FACT,

219. WHERE THE STROKIN' AND POKIN'

220. THE SMOKIN'.

221. - HERE'S THE DEAL, IF YOU'RE GONNA CONTINUE SMOKING,

222. NO MORE SEX FOR YOU.

223. IT WAS A NO-BRAINER.

224. MINDY LIKED SMOKING, BUT SHE LOVED SEX.

225. IRRATIONAL.

226. MINDY DIDN'T WANT

227. ON ONE DAY OF LEX'S BONING.

228. TO STOP SMOKING,

229. OVER WITH.

230. TO THAT END, SHE PUT A MONTH'S

231. TO QUIT ONCE AND FOR ALL, OVERNIGHT.

232. - WHEN YOU'RE GIVING YOURSELF

233. OF NICOTINE, UH,

234. YOUR NEURAL SYSTEM.

235. IN HALLUCINATIONS.

236. MINDY'S HALLUCINATIONS

237. WITH NICOTINE.

238. - THAT'S GOING TO CAUSE A STIMULATORY RESPONSE,

239. UM, ON YOUR HEART.

240. BECAUSE IT'S OVERWORKING, YOUR HEART CAN FAIL.

241. WITH A PATCH JOB.

242. INSTEAD, SHE WOUND UP SMOKING HERSELF.

243. BY THOUSANDS OF MILES,

244. IGNORANT OF EACH OTHER'S EXISTENCE,

245. OF ALL THINGS STUPID.

246. - I HAVE AN IDEA. BUNGEE JUMPING.

247. - LET'S GET IT DONE. - ALL RIGHT.

248. EXTREME SPORT.

249. LIKE AN X-SPORT.

250. - RIGHT? - YEAH!

251. WAY TOO MANY BEERS.

252. WHO ARE WATCHING THIS.

253. OF YOUR BEER CANS.

254. IT'S JUST SALIVA.

255. - GONNA DO IT, BUDDY. - YOU'RE DOING IT.

256. TO KILL AN AFTERNOON.

257. - I CAN DO IT.

258. "MATTRESS SURFING"

259. WITH FAME AND RICHES.

260. INVOLVE EXTREME STUNTS.

261. - DO IT!

262. ARE EXTREMELY ILL-ADVISED.

263. - WHOO! - WHOO-OOH!

264. - SURFING THE WIND, DUDE! - HOO-HOO-HOO!

265. SURFING!

266. - COME ON.

267. 65 FEET OFF THE GROUND.

268. - JUMP!

269. LIKE A SACK OF HAMMERS.

270. TO WIPE OUT.

271. DRUNK BUNGEE MAN GOES SPLAT.

272. HE MEASURED THE CORD WRONG.

273. A LITTLE TOO LATE...

274. THE GROUND IS HARD.

275. BOTH WERE NUTLESS MONKEYS.

276. BOTH WERE TOO DRUNK TO THINK.

277. EVERY BONE...

278. IN THEIR BODIES.

279. PEOPLE GET HURT,

280. TRAUMA PATIENTS,

281. GUNSHOT WOUNDS, STAB WOUNDS,

282. HIGH LEVEL FALLS, MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENTS,

283. CAR ACCIDENTS,

284. 18 TO 35-YEAR-OLD MALES

285. AND THEY'RE OFTEN DRUNK.

286. AMIDST THIS PARALLEL CARNAGE?

287. - YEAH!

288. IF YOU'RE DRUNK,

289. IS FALL RIGHT INTO BED.

290. ISN'T TOO HIGH...

291. AND THE BED ISN'T GOING 60 MILES AN HOUR.

292. COMING UP...

293. HOLY COW, THIS GUY'S A FREAK.

294. NOBODY'S PERFECT.

295. IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE.

296. OBSESSION.

297. AN UNCONTROLLABLE COMPULSION.

298. AN OVERWHELMING DESIRE...

299. FOR MILK.

300. - YES.

301. BUT HE DIDN'T

302. FROM THE GROCERY STORE.

303. - HELLO, BEAUTIFUL.

304. AND HE DIDN'T DRINK IT

305. OUT OF A CARTON.

306. DIRECTLY TO THE SOURCE.

307. IN BERNARD'S CASE,

308. WAS RICH IN VITAMIN D.

309. AS IN D-RANGED.

310. HOW TO EXPLAIN BERNARD'S INSATIABLE BOVINE THIRST?

311. - MM. AH, NECTAR OF THE GODS!

312. HE WASN'T BREAST-FED

313. AS A BABY?

314. IN A PAST LIFE.

315. MORE LIKELY, IT WAS THE FACT

316. WHILE WEARING A COW SUITE.

317. - AH!

318. A VERY SADISTIC UNCLE,

319. UM, WHO, YOU KNOW,

320. WAS IN A COW SUIT.

321. WAS ABOUT BEING HUMILIATED... - MOO.

322. BY AN ANIMAL.

323. IN THIS CASE, A COW.

324. TO THE DAIRY QUEEN,

325. AND THEN SOME.

326. FOR BABY COWS.

327. FOR LACTOSE INJECTION.

328. AND THE COW WENT TIT FOR TAT.

329. AND THAT WAS THAT.

330. - WHEN SOMEONE'S EXPOSED

331. OR BLAST WAVE,

332. AGAINST THE SKULL.

333. AND THE BRAIN,

334. AGAINST THAT.

335. IF ENOUGH OF THAT DAMAGE OCCURS, A PERSON CAN DIE FROM THAT.

336. MILK IS GOOD FOR YOU.

337. CAN BE BAD.

338. WHEN THINGS TURNED SOUR.

339. GOT DEATH?