1000 Ways to Die 2x4

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Two con men get blown away, a sushi chef becomes the butt of a joke and the deadly consequences of porn addiction.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. male announcer:

2. ON DEATH.

3. WHAT'S FUNNIER

4. BLOWING HIS TOP?

5. WITH A CASE OF BAD DEATH?

6. WHO DOESN'T SURVIVE?

7. THEN THERE'S THE GUY WITH THE KILLER COCK.

8. WHO LICK FROG BUTT.

9. IN THE GARDEN OF EATIN'.

10. THEY'RE ALL GOING DOWN

11. OF 1000 WAYS TO DIE.

12. DEATH IS EVERYWHERE.

13. MOST OF US TRY TO AVOID IT.

14. OTHERS CAN'T GET OUT OF ITS WAY.

15. AGAINST GERMS...

16. TOXINS...

17. INJURY...

18. ILLNESS, AND CATASTROPHE.

19. THERE'S A LOT OF WAYS TO WIND UP DEAD.

20. IS A MIRACLE...

21. BECAUSE EVERY DAY WE LIVE...

22. WE FACE 1000 WAYS TO DIE.

23. WITH A BAG OF GROCERIES?

24. LATE FOR WORK?

25. HUNGRY? RUSHING HOME TO FEED GRANDMA?

26. FROM A BLIND, PREGNANT WOMAN.

27. NICE, HUH?

28. YOU'D LIKE TO THINK

29. WOULD GET WHAT HE DESERVES.

30. SIT BACK AND WATCH.

31. HIDING IN A CAR WASH.

32. THE OWNER, NOT REALIZING THERE WAS A CREEP IN THE WORKS,

33. RAN THE DAILY MAINTENANCE CHECK.

34. SUDDENLY, HE FOUND HIMSELF

35. AND BRUSHES.

36. HE BECAME DISORIENTED,

37. HIS WAY OUT.

38. ON A HIGH-PRESSURE NOZZLE.

39. UNTIL...

40. HIS FOOTING,

41. PACKING 1,000 POUNDS OF PRESSURE.

42. LIKE A CHAMPAGNE CORK.

43. STARTED SQUIRTING OUT,

44. THE BRAIN HAS NO PLACE, NO TIME TO ADAPT.

45. AND AS A RESULT, DEATH CAN BE SUDDEN AND EXTREME.

46. OF THE SHEER VOLUME EFFECT.

47. IT'S NICE TO SEE

48. WHAT THEY DESERVE.

49. THE CREEP DIDN'T GET CAUGHT.

50. HE GOT HOSED.

51. ON AN ILLEGAL COCK FIGHT,

52. FILLED WITH BRUTALITY,

53. CRUELTY, AND VIOLENCE.

54. AND THAT'S JUST THE HUMAN SIDE OF IT.

55. - KEEP ATTACKING.

56. TO CARE FOR.

57. ON THE TABLE.

58. IT WAS FERNANDO'S BAD LUCK

59. AS "MALDITO."

60. THE WICKED ONE.

61. - YOU'D THINK THAT A CHICKEN WOULD BE CHICKEN,

62. BUT THEY'RE NOT.

63. THEY'RE PURELY TERRITORIAL

64. AND PURE AGGRESSION.

65. ANOTHER ROOSTER IN THAT AREA.

66. TILL ONE IS DEAD.

67. THE FIGHT WAS ON.

68. MALDITO'S BIRD

69. WAS A SEASONED KILLER.

70. WAS OUTMATCHED.

71. SOON ENOUGH, IN A BLUR OF CLAWS AND FEATHERS...

72. CORAZON WAS DEAD.

73. AND FERNANDO WAS DEVASTATED.

74. AROUND HIM,

75. FERNANDO GREW SUSPICIOUS.

76. SOMETHING DIDN'T FEEL RIGHT.

77. THEN HE SAW IT.

78. OF EL CALIENTE'S TALONS.

79. MALDITO HAD CHEATED.

80. FERNANDO SPREAD THE WORD.

81. LOOKING FOR BLOOD.

82. MALDITO'S BLOOD.

83. THERE WAS NO ESCAPE.

84. FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE.

85. HE STUMBLED AND FELL, AND THE MOB WAS ON HIM.

86. BEAT THEM TO IT.

87. TURNED ON ITS OWNER,

88. SLASHING MALDITO'S THROAT WITH THE HIDDEN RAZORS.

89. - THE JUGULAR VEIN DOESN'T HAVE

90. AND NO REALLY THICK TISSUES.

91. IT'S OUT IN THE OPEN.

92. ONCE THAT VESSEL IS CUT,

93. IN THE HEAD.

94. A LONG TIME.

95. OUT OF THE PICTURE,

96. MAYBE IT WON'T BE MUCH LONGER.

97. COMING UP,

98. FOR A HORNY HOUSEWIFE.

99. GETS A BIG HEADACHE.

100. - HI, HONEY.

101. HOW'S WORK?

102. HAVE A VERY MODERN RELATIONSHIP.

103. YOU'RE HORNY.

104. WHILE KENNY'S AT WORK,

105. THROUGH ONLINE VIDEO CHAT.

106. TO KEEP THINGS FRESH,

107. NAUGHTY ROLE-PLAYING SCENARIOS.

108. TODAY, SHE HAS SOMETHING VERY KINKY IN MIND.

109. TO A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.

110. AND FOR SOME PEOPLE,

111. OR ROUTINE,

112. THINGS UP AND MAKE IT FUN AGAIN.

113. CYNTHIA GAGS HERSELF,

114. IN A CHAIR,

115. AND HANDCUFFS HERSELF IN.

116. AT WORK, KENNY TAKES IT ALL IN,

117. AS A THREE-BALLED CAT.

118. HE CAN DITCH WORK EARLY...

119. LETS HIMSELF IN.

120. - WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?

121. ROBS THEM BLIND.

122. - OH, THAT'S NICE.

123. TO GO—CYNTHIA'S LAPTOP.

124. BEFORE HE LEAVES, HE LEAVES CYNTHIA GASPING FOR AIR.

125. A WHOLE LOT EASIER.

126. MR. BURGLAR HAPPENS

127. THAT COULD PEEL PAINT.

128. OF A LARGE FARM ANIMAL.

129. - THANKS...

130. HONEY.

131. A PHYSICAL REACTION,

132. TO YOUR STOMACH.

133. IT WAS

134. OF A FULL PORT-A-POTTY.

135. SHE BLEW CHUNKS, BUT THE CHUNKS HAD NOWHERE TO GO.

136. - WHEN YOU VOMIT,

137. THAT IT DOESN'T WANT TO BE THERE.

138. VIA YOUR VAGUS NERVE,

139. AND IT SAYS, "PLEASE EMPTY OUT THE CONTENTS OF MY STOMACH."

140. OUR BODY'S ABILITY

141. TO TAKE IN OXYGEN.

142. OR OUR OWN SECRETIONS.

143. FOR CYNTHIA,

144. WITH KINKY FUN...

145. TO SWALLOW.

146. SIZE DOESN'T MATTER.

147. OF MIDGET WRESTLING,

148. SPUD AND NIK WERE LIVING PROOF.

149. THEIR PINT-SIZED PROPORTIONS,

150. THEY WERE GIANTS.

151. DREW A BLOODTHIRSTY CROWD.

152. WERE ROCK STARS.

153. THEY FOUGHT HARD, AND THEY PLAYED HARDER.

154. - I DON'T THINK

155. FOR AVERAGE-HEIGHT PEOPLE.

156. WE HAVE SMALLER BODIES,

157. AND THE ALCOHOL IS INTENSIFIED.

158. I DON'T KNOW—

159. FOR BETTER ENTERTAINMENT, YOU KNOW?

160. THIS NIGHT, IT WAS BUSINESS AS USUAL.

161. A COUPLE OF FULL-SIZED HOTTIES,

162. A BOTTLE OF BOOZE,

163. AND A CHEAP HOTEL ROOM.

164. I'VE NEVER DONE IT

165. WITH A LITTLE GUY BEFORE.

166. - HEY, WE'RE NOT THAT LITTLE.

167. TO COMPENSATE,

168. THAT MIGHT BE OUTLANDISH.

169. MIGHT HAVE BEEN LITTLE PEOPLE,

170. BIG-TIME HEADBANGERS.

171. - ONE, TWO, THREE.

172. - THESE GUYS ARE FRICKIN' CRAZY. - YEAH.

173. TO SUSTAIN SOME INJURIES,

174. SOME BLOWS TO THE HEAD.

175. THERE IS SOME CUSHIONING,

176. SOME PADDING AROUND THE BRAIN, WHICH HELPS US.

177. HOWEVER, THERE'S A LIMIT TO WHAT THE BRAIN CAN TAKE.

178. WHEN THESE TWO WERE IN TOWN.

179. - READY FOR THE GRAND FINALE?

180. - YEAH!

181. TO HIT THE WALL AGAIN.

182. - THREE, TWO, ONE. - GO! GO! GO!

183. GO!

184. NIK BUSTED THROUGH.

185. BUT, SPUD, NOT SO LUCKY.

186. SUPPORTED BY A 2X4 STUD.

187. - WAKE UP!

188. WAKE UP. WAKE UP.

189. - YOU CAN GET WHAT WE CALL SUBDURAL,

190. ARE GOING LIKE THAT,

191. AND THOSE VEINS BREAK.

192. WHERE YOU CAN BLEED, AND THE BLEED CAN TAKE UP SPACE,

193. TO HERNIATION AND DEATH.

194. IN A SMALL WORLD.

195. WITH A STUD,

196. HE CAME UP SHORT.

197. UP NEXT, A SLEEPWALKER DOESN'T WAKE UP...

198. AND MR. FROGGY WENT A-COURTING AND TOOK A LICKING.

199. ABOUT WARREN.

200. TO THE POINT OF PARALYSIS.

201. EVERYWHERE HE LOOKED.

202. HE WAS AN INSOMNIAC.

203. WAITING FOR "THEM" TO COME AND WHISK HIM AWAY.

204. TO PROTECT HIMSELF,

205. THROUGHOUT HIS PLACE.

206. WOULD REGRET IT.

207. - IN AN EXTREME CASE,

208. FROM PARANOIA,

209. ARE TALKING TO THEM,

210. TALKING ABOUT THEM,

211. FOLLOWING THEM, PLOTTING AGAINST THEM, ET CETERA.

212. HIS INSOMNIA,

213. FOR SLEEPING PILLS.

214. GET SOME NEEDED REST.

215. SLEEPWALKING.

216. - IT'S A RARE OCCURRENCE,

217. SLEEPWALKING, SLEEP EATING,

218. SLEEP DRIVING EVEN, AND SLEEP SEX.

219. EVEN THOUGH WARREN'S CONSCIOUS BRAIN WAS STILL ASLEEP,

220. HIS BODY WANTED A SNACK.

221. WHILE STILL COMPLETELY ASLEEP.

222. PAST THE BEAR TRAP...

223. UNDER THE FLAME THROWER...

224. TO THE FRIDGE...

225. WHEN...

226. BLEW HIS BRAINS OUT.

227. - IF YOU HAVE A SHOTGUN BLAST,

228. IT'S GONNA DO EXTENSIVE DAMAGE

229. TO THE TISSUE, SOME OF THE BONE.

230. YOU'RE GONNA HAVE PIECES

231. OR A STROKE.

232. THE WORLD WAS OUT TO GET HIM.

233. BUT IN THE END,

234. BUT FEAR HIMSELF.

235. - WE'RE IN PERU, BRO. LOOK AT THIS.

236. FOR THE ULTIMATE HIGH.

237. - YEAH, IT SMELLS SMOKABLE TO ME.

238. HIT IT, BRO.

239. ANYWHERE FOR A BUZZ.

240. - DUDE, NOW IN INDIA,

241. THAT YOU CAN SEE.

242. FOR YEARS,

243. OF A CERTAIN TOAD.

244. - LITTLE AMPHIBIAN, THE BUFO ALVARIUS,

245. IN THESE MARSHLANDS,

246. WHICH WE'RE ABOUT TO DISCOVER.

247. HERE, FROGGY, FROGGY, FROGGY.

248. - LICK THIS FROG'S ASS.

249. IT'S LIKE ACID.

250. I SEE ONE. I SEE ONE.

251. - CAUGHT ONE!

252. - NO WAY. YOU GOT ONE?

253. - I GOT ONE. - ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

254. WE GOT ONE FINALLY.

255. AND IT'S IN TRIPP'S SHOE.

256. ALL RIGHT, SHOW TIME.

257. - THIS IS ALL WE CAME FOR.

258. ON A TRIP, MAN,

259. FARTHER THAN THE MOON.

260. THE WAR TO END ALL WARS, MAN,

261. WITH OUR MINDS.

262. - WHO'S GONNA GO FIRST, THOUGH?

263. - I'M GONNA LET YOU GO AHEAD AND GO FIRST.

264. TAKE THE HONORS, MAN.

265. - LICK THAT.

266. RIGHT THERE,

267. BAD THINGS WOULDN'T HAPPEN.

268. OH, WELL.

269. IN THE SOUTHWEST UNITED STATES.

270. CALLED THE POISON DART FROG.

271. ENOUGH SAID.

272. IS BEYOND ME.

273. AND GO, "DOOT," IN THE DART GUN.

274. SMACK A MONKEY, AND THE MONKEY

275. IN ABOUT 15-20 MINUTES AND GO "WAH, WAH, WAH."

276. PFF!

277. LUNCH IS SERVED.

278. SUCKING THIS FROG'S BUTT

279. OF FRENCH-KISSING A RATTLESNAKE.

280. WITH SIMILAR COMPOUNDS.

281. BY STIMULATING THE NERVES.

282. SOME BLOCK THE NERVES, RESULTING IN DEATH.

283. IN THE NERVOUS SYSTEM.

284. LINKING THE BODY'S NERVOUS SYSTEM.

285. PARALYSIS.

286. SIMPLY HALLUCINATING.

287. - THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND.

288. HER NAME IS STICK.

289. WHAT'S THIS STUFF ON ME, MAN?

290. BUT IN REALITY, THESE

291. WERE DYING.

292. FROM THEIR MISERABLE DEATHS?

293. AS YOU GO THROUGH LIFE,

294. WHAT FROG YOU MEET,

295. IT'S PROBABLY NOT A GOOD IDEA TO LICK ITS BUTT.

296. COMING UP,

297. AND WINDS UP PICKLED.

298. PATTY WAS A DIRTY GIRL.

299. AS IN SOIL.

300. GARDENING WAS HER PASSION.

301. WOULD GROW.

302. THAT'S WHY,

303. WITH A FLAT TIRE,

304. SHE WAS ALL EYES.

305. WITH THAT?

306. IT WASN'T HIS TIRE THAT GOT HER ATTENTION.

307. STUFFED INSIDE HIS BIKE SHORTS.

308. LIKE THAT.

309. - WHAT'S UP?

310. - NOTHING MUCH.

311. SOMETIME.

312. - SOUNDS FANTASTIC.

313. IN HER BACKYARD GARDEN,

314. ABOUT HER UPCOMING DATE.

315. MR. BIG HAD A BICYCLE BUILT FOR TWO.

316. COULD SHE HANDLE IT?

317. COULD BE OF HELP.

318. LOOKED PROMISING.

319. LIKE A PRO.

320. WAS A DIRTY HOE.

321. IS THAT IT'S NOT ATTACHED TO ANYTHING.

322. SO THERE'S A LIMIT

323. AND HOW YOU CAN EXTRACT IT.

324. THROUGH THE LARYNX,

325. WELL, IT OBSTRUCTS THE AIRWAY.

326. IT'S SIMPLE.

327. PLANTS NEED WATER.

328. PATTY NEEDS AIR.

329. SHE DROPPED TO THE GROUND, DEAD FROM SUFFOCATION.

330. FOR HER BIG DATE.

331. MORE THAN SHE COULD CHEW.