1000 Ways to Die 2x10

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Death in the 70's! A mean girl gets a chubby bunny, a juicer gets juiced, a thief bites his tongue and a biker boy craps out.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. male announcer: IF YOU'RE WATCHING THIS,

2. CHANCES ARE YOU'RE STILL ALIVE.

3. THAT'S MORE THAN CAN BE SAID FOR...

4. LIFE WAS A DRAG...

5. AND THEN FOUND IT.

6. GOT OFF ON THE WRONG FLOOR...

7. AND WOUND UP SMOKED?

8. THEN THERE'S

9. AND LOST.

10. AND FINALLY, THERE'S THE DANCER WHO GOT RIPPED OFF.

11. PINCH YOURSELF.

12. IT'S HERE AND IT'S QUEER.

13. IT'S THE NEXT EPISODE OF...

14. 1,000 WAYS TO DIE.

15. DEATH IS EVERYWHERE.

16. MOST OF US TRY TO AVOID IT.

17. OTHERS CAN'T GET OUT OF ITS WAY.

18. A NEW WAR AGAINST GERMS...

19. TOXINS...

20. INJURY...

21. ILLNESS...

22. AND CATASTROPHE.

23. THERE'S A LOT OF WAYS TO WIND UP DEAD.

24. AT ALL IS A MIRACLE...

25. BECAUSE EVERY DAY WE LIVE, WE FACE...

26. OF L.A. CONCRETE,

27. A STRANGE RITUAL IS UNDERWAY.

28. IT'S A MEETING

29. DEATH SQUAD.

30. OF CONDUCT CALLED BUSHIDO.

31. IS A SAMURAI CODE.

32. IT IS THE WAY OF THE WARRIOR.

33. IT TEACHES YOU LOYALTY, HONOR, RESPECT.

34. 660 B.C.

35. IN THEIR CUSTOMIZED TUNERS.

36. AND STAND AROUND LOOKING HOT.

37. ONE OF THE CLUB'S REGULARS

38. WITH HER COSTUME AND MAKEUP.

39. THE GEISHA GODDESS OF DEATH.

40. OF THE CLUB'S LONGTIME MEMBERS.

41. - BUSHIDO.

42. AND A GUY KNOWN AS...

43. - BUSHIDO.

44. THE WINDOW OF A DRIFT CAR,

45. SPEAR IN HAND, AND ENGAGES

46. OF JOUSTING.

47. AND COURAGEOUS.

48. KNOCKAMORA'S SHOULDER...

49. DRAWING BLOOD.

50. ON THE NEXT PASS,

51. TO SLICE HIM BACK...

52. RIGHT INTO BERZERKO'S EYE AND

53. HIS WHITE STEED.

54. TO RAPID DEATH.

55. DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER.

56. TO BE A SAMURAI...

57. DYING LIKE ONE.

58. - HOW IS IT—

59. AND WONDER, "WHAT IF"?

60. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED

61. CLAUSTROPHOBIC.

62. OF HERE NOW.

63. AN IRRATIONAL FEAR.

64. IN THEIR MIND, THEY'RE HAVING ALL SORTS

65. OF, "WHAT WILL HAPPEN

66. IF THIS ELEVATOR STOPS?"

67. AND, "WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF I CAN'T GET OUT?"

68. CLAUSTROPHOBIA,

69. THERE'S ANOTHER THING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT HEATHER.

70. - ALL RIGHT, WELL, YOU'VE DISAPPOINTED ME AGAIN.

71. BITCH ON WHEELS.

72. - DID YOU EVEN GO TO COLLEGE?

73. BECAUSE THIS IS KIND OF AWFUL.

74. TO THE TOP OF THE COMPANY,

75. IN HER WAKE.

76. SHE'S COMING IN HERE

77. AND JUST CHANGING EVERYTHING.

78. - HI. - HI.

79. IT WAS UNANIMOUS.

80. COULDN'T STAND HER.

81. - OH, MY GOD.

82. INTENSE HATRED.

83. - OH, DON'T MAKE THAT SAD FACE.

84. TO THE ELEVATOR.

85. - OH, MY GOD. OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

86. WHAT WAS THAT? WAS THAT NORMAL?

87. FREAKING OUT.

88. OF HERE NOW.

89. IF SHE WANTED OUT,

90. TO GET RID OF HER.

91. - COME ON! CAN SOMEONE OPEN THIS?

92. I NEED TO GET OUT.

93. PUSH.

94. BEING STUCK BETWEEN FLOORS,

95. OF THAT ELEVATOR.

96. THE ELEVATOR SIGHT UNSEEN.

97. HIS NAME?

98. LET'S CALL HIM FATE.

99. KICKED IN,

100. WAS CRUSHED.

101. ON HER WAY UP, HEATHER STEPPED ON EVERYONE'S BACKS.

102. THAT'S WHY NO TEARS WERE SHED WHEN SHE BROKE HER OWN.

103. OKAY, KIDS, LISTEN UP.

104. CIGARETTES CAN KILL YOU.

105. AND REMEMBER,

106. MUST COME DOWN.

107. IT'S UP NEXT.

108. TAKE TWO YOUNG, HEALTHY MALES,

109. A HOT SUMMER DAY,

110. AND WHAT DO YOU GET?

111. - I AM SO WASTED.

112. ON THE STUPID METER.

113. WITH THAT FAT CHICK?

114. - SHE'S NOT THAT FAT.

115. - I THINK, TYPICALLY,

116. AND THEY DON'T HAVE A VERY GOOD ESTIMATE OF THEIR RISK.

117. IT'S VERY EASY IN TODAY'S SOCIETY

118. AND SAY,

119. "WELL, THESE ARE JUST SMALL ADULTS."

120. BUT THEY'RE NOT. THEY'RE REALLY—

121. THEY'RE CHILDREN.

122. SINCE KINDERGARTEN.

123. HAVE A CIGARETTE?

124. - YEAH, IF YOU DON'T MESS IT UP THIS TIME.

125. DROVE THE OTHER CRAZY.

126. DICKIE'S PET PEEVE WAS HOW DONNY

127. BUYING HIS OWN.

128. - DUDE, I NEED ANOTHER ONE.

129. - OH, MY GOD. - I'M SORRY.

130. IT DROVE HIM NUTS.

131. - DUDE, YOU GOT A WHOLE PACK.

132. IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S HARD FOR YOU.

133. - YEAH, I HAVE A WHOLE PACK.

134. NO MORE FOR YOU. - MM-HMM.

135. HAD LIT DICKIE'S FIRE.

136. - WE'RE ALMOST OUT BECAUSE YOU KEEP BREAKING THEM ALL.

137. TO TAKE ACTION.

138. WITH THREE CIGARETTES.

139. MEANWHILE, DONNY WAS DOING WHAT DONNY DID BEST.

140. GETTING FALLING-OVER, PASSING-OUT DRUNK.

141. HEY! HEY! WAKE UP!

142. COME ON!

143. YOU WANT SOME CIGARETTES?

144. THERE YOU GO. YOU WANT SOME CIGARETTES?

145. - MM-HMM. - OKAY, OPEN UP.

146. WIDER.

147. WANTED CIGARETTES,

148. DOWN HIS THROAT.

149. - ALL RIGHT.

150. FOR LEGAL PURPOSES.

151. OR ANYTHING THAT YOU DON'T INTEND TO KILL.

152. - HERE THEY COME!

153. OF 1,200 FEET PER SECOND.

154. THAT'S ABOUT 800 MILES

155. COFFIN NAILS.

156. IT'S A WELL-KNOWN FACT CIGARETTES WILL KILL YOU.

157. WAY TO GET THE JOB DONE.

158. IN SAN PEDRO, CALIFORNIA,

159. IF THE WIND IS RIGHT,

160. YOU'RE BOUND TO FIND

161. HIS REMOTE CONTROL GLIDER.

162. INTO, LIKE, A GIANT CIRCLE.

163. SO WHEN YOU'RE FLYING, YOU GO INTO THE WIND,

164. OUT OF THE WIND, INTO THE WIND.

165. AND EVERY TIME IT ENTERS IN, IT KEEPS ON INCREASING SPEED.

166. AT 399 MILES AN HOUR.

167. AROUND HERE.

168. MAKE THAT PUBLIC NUISANCE.

169. - DUDE, WATCH IT!

170. DESERT STORM FIGHTER PILOT.

171. OUT OF THE BUSINESS.

172. - YOU'RE GONNA HURT SOMEBODY!

173. AND STRAFING THE LOCALS.

174. - GONNA CUT SOMEBODY'S HEAD OFF, YOU JERK!

175. THE R.C. GLIDERS

176. WHEN YOU'RE FLYING THEM OR ANY TYPE OF REMOTE CONTROL.

177. WEIGHS IN EXCESS OF 30 POUNDS,

178. IT'S STRONG AS STEEL, SO IF IT HITS YOU,

179. IT COULD KILL YOU.

180. ON THIS DAY, JOHN JUST GOT TOO DRUNK.

181. IN THE SUN...

182. AND THEN HE FOUND IT.

183. - A LARGE, HEAVY PROJECTILE IS COMING THROUGH.

184. SO IT'S GONNA COME THROUGH.

185. IT'S GONNA PUNCTURE THE HEART.

186. IT'S GONNA RIP THAT UP. THE LUNGS.

187. IT'S GONNA CUT THOSE UP.

188. IT'S GONNA COME STRAIGHT THROUGH THE CHEST.

189. IT'S GONNA CAUSE A LOT OF INTERNAL BLEEDING,

190. A LOT OF DAMAGE.

191. UNTIL HE GOT SO DRUNK...

192. HE PUNCHED HIMSELF... OUT.

193. COMING UP... - BITCH!

194. OUT ON HIS OWN GAS,

195. TURN ON THEIR WALKER.

196. IT'S THE "LEASHED" THEY COULD DO.

197. IT HAPPENS, BUT YOU ALWAYS WONDER WHY.

198. - WHERE'S DINNER?

199. - UM—

200. TO ME!

201. WIND UP WITH A MEAN, FAT LOSER LIKE MARK?

202. - FALLING IN LOVE IS EASY.

203. IS MUCH MORE DIFFICULT.

204. WE'RE JUST SO ANGRY AND WE'RE JUST—

205. WE'RE GONNA EXPLODE.

206. WE REALLY DO, IN SOME WAYS, LOSE CONTROL.

207. JULIE MADE A MISTAKE, BUT SHE WASN'T STUPID.

208. AND FOUND A NICE GUY.

209. SHE'S OUT ON A DATE?

210. REJECTION DIDN'T SIT WELL WITH THIS JERK,

211. TIPPED HIM OFF...

212. - WELL, SO FAR THE PARENTS HAVE ALL BEEN GREAT.

213. FOR PAYBACK.

214. - YOU BITCH!

215. - YEAH, NOBODY LIKES TO BE DUMPED OR REJECTED.

216. STRONG REACTION TO THAT,

217. SO WHEN SOMEBODY DUMPS US, BREAKS UP WITH US,

218. YOU KNOW, IT SUCKS.

219. AT THE BEACH THE OTHER DAY.

220. FACE TO FACE,

221. AND DRIVING OFF.

222. - AWW, YEAH.

223. FOR HIS TARGETS TO EMERGE,

224. TO FEEL LIGHT-HEADED.

225. HIS EYES STARTED TO BLUR.

226. OF PASSING OUT.

227. THE CAUSE OF THE MARK'S PUZZLING DETERIORATION?

228. WHEN HE PARKED HIS CAR,

229. TO MAKE A QUICK GETAWAY.

230. AND THE TAIL PIPE PLUGGED,

231. MONOXIDE AND MARK BLACKED OUT.

232. IN PARTS PER MILLION.

233. SO WHAT WE'RE BREATHING RIGHT

234. .1 PARTS PER MILLION.

235. 7,000 PARTS PER MILLION.

236. AND A FEW MINUTES LATER,

237. AN EVENTUALLY ARREST.

238. IN LESS THAN 20 MINUTES.

239. MARK DIDN'T KNOW HOW GOOD HE HAD IT.

240. YOUR BACK TO ME!

241. MAYBE IF HE'D

242. HE WOULDN'T HAVE WOUND UP A DEAD ONE.

243. MARNIE WAS IN A BIND.

244. - STOP! GET OVER HERE.

245. REALLY. RIGHT NOW.

246. SHE WAS OUT OF WORK AND DESPERATE.

247. ON AS A DOG WALKER.

248. - STUPID DOGS!

249. HATED DOGS.

250. - I HATE YOU ALL.

251. YOU ESPECIALLY.

252. DOGGIE VIBES.

253. A HUMAN DOESN'T LIKE THEM.

254. WHAT THEY'RE DOING IS THEY'RE SMELLING

255. THAT HUMAN'S FEAR.

256. DOGS KEY OFF OUR EMOTIONS.

257. A VOCAL PATTERN.

258. - THIS IS NOT WORKING FOR ME!

259. MARNIE BECAME,

260. THE WORSE THE DOGS BEHAVED.

261. - RIDICULOUS!

262. THE DOG WALK FROM HELL.

263. - THAT'S RIGHT. YEAH, KEEP BARKING.

264. GOT THEM INSIDE THE DOG PARK,

265. ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE.

266. THEY COULD REALLY BE.

267. - SOMEBODY HELP!

268. - REMEMBER, DOGS CAN SMELL FEAR.

269. AND THE SMELL OF EACH OTHER.

270. AROUND HER WRIST,

271. TO BREAK FREE.

272. - HELP!

273. - THAT GIRL'S GETTING DRUG BY DOGS!

274. INTO HER BAD KARMA.

275. MARNIE'S HEAD SLAMMED

276. THE TEMPORAL LOBE,

277. OF THE BRAIN.

278. IS USUALLY THE TEMPORAL AREA, WHICH IS THE SIDE OF THE SKULL,

279. WHICH IS VERY THIN.

280. WHEN FRACTURES OCCUR HERE,

281. OF THE SKULL.

282. LIKE FATE OR DESTINY,

283. MARNIE'S UNFORTUNATE DEMISE...

284. CERTAINLY GIVES ONE..."PAWS."

285. NEXT, IT'S BEEN SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN.

286. BY BOOBS EQUALS...

287. TOTAL MAYHEM.

288. OF HUMAN NATURE,

289. IN STURGIS, SOUTH DAKOTA.

290. WITH NASTY BARS,

291. YOU CAN'T DO BETTER OR WORSE THAN THE TWO STROKE.

292. AND THEIR CHICKS.

293. FOR TWO REASONS.

294. THE CHEAP BOOZE...

295. AND THE HOT DANCERS.

296. BETTER THAN THE STROKERS.

297. OF ONE-PERCENTERS,

298. WENT UNAPPRECIATED.

299. MOOSE WAS THE GIRLS' BIGGEST FAN,

300. BUT HE WAS ALSO A TOTALLY GROSS, SEXIST PIG.

301. AND HIS MONEY.

302. - YEAH! - THAT'S RIGHT!

303. - YEAH!

304. FOR ALL THEY CARED.

305. YOU DON'T WANT TO MESS WITH A MOOSE WHEN HE'S RUNNING.

306. NO MAN SHOULD EVER GO...

307. UPON HIMSELF.

308. AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED HERE.

309. ALL OF A SUDDEN, AN OPENING OCCURS.

310. A WOMAN WITHOUT HER TOP.

311. CAN'T CONTROL THEMSELVES.

312. EXAMPLE OF HERD BEHAVIOR.

313. WHAT THEY WERE DOING,

314. THE STAGE,

315. TRAMPLING THE DOWNED BIKER.

316. BROKE HIS RIBS, CRACKED HIS BACK,

317. AND FINALLY SNAPPED HIS NECK.

318. CRUSH INJURIES.

319. DOWN AGAINST YOU.

320. THE BONES CAN SNAP.

321. THEY CAN ACT LIKE LANCERS,

322. OR THE TISSUE.

323. YOU CAN GET TEARS IN THE LUNGS, THE BLOOD VESSELS,

324. THE HEART, AND SLOWLY THE LIFE FORCES GET SUCKED OUT OF YOU.

325. LOOKING FOR FUN,

326. AND WOUND UP A MOOSE...

327. CAUGHT IN THE HEADLIGHTS.