1000 Ways to Die 1x9

1. Death can be a real hoot as

2. long as you're not the one

3. dying,

4. you'll bust a gut at the guy

5. who goes belly-Up after his

6. belly blows up,

7. How about the two texters who

8. get their signals crossed?

9. In golf, a Birdie's good,

10. But a rat?

11. Bad,

12. Then there's the clown who's

13. more Boozer than bozo,

14. It's all about laughing in the

15. face of death on 1,000 ways to

16. die,

17. Death is everywhere,

18. Most of us try to avoid it,

19. Others can't get out of its way,

20. every day we fight a new war

21. against germs, toxins, injury,

22. illness, and catastrophe,

23. There's a lot of ways to wind up

24. dead,

25. The fact that we survive at all

26. is a Miracle,

27. Because every day we live

28. we face 1,000 ways to die,

29. You guys doing okay?

30. Dave "the egg" Restucci was

31. your basic big-Eating,

32. big-Drinking slob,

33. Hello?

34. What?

35. Come on,

36. In other words, he was a guy,

37. It's a wonder he could attract

38. fleas, let alone a woman,

39. But here was Audrey, his new

40. girlfriend,

41. sorry,

42. Never known for his table

43. manners...

44. today Dave was really letting

45. it fly,

46. Audrey was mortified,

47. Ugh!

48. All she wanted was a nice

49. lunch...

50. not a trip to the zoo,

51. But something was wrong,

52. belching is caused by

53. Swallowing air or Drinking

54. carbonated beverages,

55. The air is expelled back out as

56. a burp,

57. Dave's problem?

58. The dozen or so peptic ulcers

59. he's got brewing down below,

60. They've started to bleed out,

61. His frat-Boy diet is about to

62. catch up to him,

63. Ulcers are like scabs that

64. you get in your stomach,

65. They're very similar to just

66. sores on your skin except the

67. sore is in the lining of your

68. stomach,

69. It would be like having a cut on

70. your skin that was trying to

71. heal but it couldn't heal 'cause

72. you kept pouring battery acid on

73. top of it all the time,

74. This guy was a time bomb waiting

75. to explode,

76. come on,

77. Come on, let's get this over

78. with,

79. Dave convinces Audrey to

80. punch him in the gut, thinking

81. this might solve the problem,

82. I mean, are you sure?

83. Yeah, just right...

84. Are you positive?

85. All right, I guess I'll do it

86. hard,

87. when his girlfriend popped

88. him, it ruptured his stomach

89. like a balloon would rupture and

90. all of the contents of his

91. stomach spilled out into his

92. body cavity,

93. Dave hit the table like a

94. beached whale... and croaked,

95. Mike Arms was an amateur

96. bodybuilder who had dreams of

97. going pro,

98. But no matter how hard he worked

99. out, he wasn't getting big

100. enough fast enough,

101. he decided to take the plunge

102. and hit the juice,

103. Even though He was fully aware

104. of the hazards, Mike's obsession

105. with bulking up drove him to

106. stick a needle into himself

107. every day,

108. The combination of anabolic

109. steroids and human growth

110. hormone gave him a rush of

111. incredible power and size,

112. But under his huge chest, Mike

113. was paying an even bigger price,

114. Things like anabolic steroids

115. and human growth hormones have a

116. lot of bad effects on the heart,

117. You can develop a heart that is

118. abnormal,

119. The term for that we use is

120. called cardiomyopathy,

121. Cardio means "Heart,"

122. Myopathy means "Abnormal heart

123. muscle,"

124. juiced up and full of roid

125. rage, Mike hit the gym like a

126. man possessed,

127. Early baldness, shrunken

128. testicles, and a cholesterol

129. count through the roof were a

130. small price to pay for a bigger,

131. badder Mike,

132. But while his body was getting

133. pumped up on the outside, it was

134. breaking down on the inside,

135. in this country, 300,000 or

136. 400,000 people die suddenly

137. every year,

138. The majority of the people that

139. die suddenly, the bottom of

140. their heart, or the ventricle,

141. gets out of rhythm,

142. It's stopped pumping and if the

143. paramedics weren't able to come

144. quickly enough to shock him back

145. to normal, then he died because

146. of the abnormal heart rhythm,

147. Mike's obsession with his

148. body cost him his life,

149. just blame it on the juice,

150. Coming up, these two texters

151. never got the message,

152. Watch out!

153. And a golfer has a rough time of

154. it and has a stroke,

155. our next tale of life

156. interrupted concerns an

157. obsession that's spreading

158. faster than the flu in winter,

159. Texting,

160. Chet and Tricia were no

161. different than any other

162. twenty-Somethings,

163. They spent most of their waking

164. hours heads buried in their

165. "crackberries" And cell phones,

166. texting,

167. Most of the social darwinism

168. cases sort of revolve around

169. individual's behavior,

170. But what you here see is the

171. availability of a technology

172. which creates ability for a big

173. group of people to do things

174. that they haven't been doing

175. before,

176. Chet was on his way to meet

177. Tricia, arguing by Text over

178. where to pick her up in his

179. half-Ton pickup,

180. what?

181. What?

182. people get lulled into a

183. sense they can do pretty much

184. anything in a car because most

185. of the time nothing happens,

186. "Relax,"

187. Chet thought that he could

188. text away while driving,

189. That was dangerous,

190. Most of those drivers are

191. driving in a way that when

192. certain factors come together,

193. they're in an irreversible

194. situation,

195. Tricia thought she could walk

196. and text, never looking up from

197. the screen,

198. That was stupid,

199. We all know what happens when

200. stupid meets dangerous,

201. what the hell was that?

202. Right now we are sort of in

203. this experimental phase where a

204. technology has emerged and

205. unfortunately some people will

206. lose their lives because they

207. don't necessarily adapt or they

208. use the technology

209. inappropriately,

210. And so there's a particular

211. social dimension in this kind of

212. social darwinism,

213. and so ends another modern

214. romance,

215. irishmen Patty and Nick Have two

216. passions in life,

217. Golfing and drinking,

218. Not necessarily in that order,

219. On a vacation to the United

220. States, these two mates proved

221. to be much better drinkers than

222. they were golfers,

223. It's bad grass,

224. That's what it is,

225. Golfers are going to the golf

226. course to play well,

227. They wanna have a good time and

228. playing a good round of golf is

229. fairly enjoyable,

230. But when you do start to slice

231. the ball and it's going very far

232. off-Line, yes, you're gonna

233. either lose it or get in some

234. brush and who knows what's gonna

235. happen,

236. When Patty hit an errant shot

237. into the rough, things got a lot

238. rougher when a rat ran up his

239. pants leg,

240. Ah!

241. get out, get out!

242. Out, out, oh!

243. Oh, geez,

244. The rat took off But not

245. before leaving Patty a big, wet

246. surprise,

247. You've pissed yourself, man!

248. It wasn't me,

249. It was some kind of bear,

250. possum, or rat or something,

251. Patty eventually calmed down

252. and the two finished their

253. match,

254. But the duffer's demise has

255. already begun,

256. If you get peed on by a rat

257. and you have a break in the skin

258. and it's allowed to get in

259. there, then, yes, it would be

260. possible to get infected that

261. way,

262. It's a bacteria that gets into

263. your body and then it reproduces

264. and spreads throughout your body

265. and that's what makes you sick,

266. After a week back in Ireland,

267. Patty's health takes a nasty

268. turn,

269. He's been infected with a deadly

270. bacteria known as leptospirosis,

271. Most people who get infected

272. with leptospirosis, their immune

273. system will kick in and will get

274. rid of it,

275. A few people will get a more

276. severe form called Weil's

277. disease,

278. Weil's disease attacked

279. Patty's major organs,

280. First, a liver already suffering

281. from a lifetime of pub crawling,

282. His kidneys went next,

283. Very often, by the time the

284. person is sick enough to come

285. into the hospital, sick enough

286. to get started on the

287. antibiotics, the damage has

288. already been done,

289. It ended with Patty fading

290. fast, not feeling up to par,

291. Pat?

292. Patty?

293. He hit into the Hazard and

294. wound up taking a stroke,

295. Next up, a thief goes to great

296. lengths to steal a car,

297. Just not far enough,

298. And a clown hits the hooch and

299. then runs into a hitch,

300. For renowned chef Tom

301. boardwell, the only thing he

302. loved more than food was driving

303. his 1969 gto judge,

304. Every Sunday night, he'd pop

305. the top and take the kids out

306. for a sunset Cruise in his

307. Cherry ride,

308. But boardwell had no clue

309. someone else was looking to get

310. behind the wheel of his classic

311. muscle car,

312. Known as "the dangler" Because

313. of his technique, this infamous

314. thief specialized in making

315. bitching cars disappear,

316. The judge was next on his list,

317. But the mission turned

318. impossible,

319. Somehow his Slack line got

320. tangled with his leg leaving

321. "the dangler" to dangle,

322. Sometimes life becomes a game of

323. inches,

324. The rope around his foot is just

325. out of his reach, while below,

326. "the dangler" is a mere

327. fingertip from his prize,

328. The clock begins to tick on the

329. inverted thief,

330. So what happens over time

331. when we hang upside down like

332. that, the blood pools in the

333. sinuses, it backs up the ability

334. of more blood to enter into the

335. brain sinuses,

336. The brain sinuses can't handle

337. that pressure,

338. After three hours of

339. struggling, his rising blood

340. pressure begins to creep into

341. the danger zone,

342. We get these "Venous" Or

343. "Vein" Hemorrhages,

344. These can be quite massive,

345. That could lead to death,

346. By hour 12, "the dangler" is

347. fading out of consciousness,

348. At 24 hours, the pressure level

349. of blood pooling in the brain

350. builds to a point of no return,

351. So this guy most likely died

352. from a series of strokes that

353. result from venous hemorrhages,

354. So his veins can't handle that

355. pressure,

356. They start to blow open,

357. As they blow open they impair

358. the ability of the blood to come

359. in and they cause strokes all

360. over certain areas of the brain,

361. Quite quickly, once the first

362. stroke started to happen or the

363. first hemorrhages in the eye,

364. things went downhill,

365. It's still a few days away

366. from the owner's Sunday joyride,

367. Until then, "the dangler's" just

368. going to have to hang out,

369. Fred Garfield, aka "laughy the

370. clown," is on his way to his

371. 1,523rd kiddie party,

372. He wishes more than anything it

373. was his last,

374. 15 years of hard clown time has

375. taken its toll on Fred,

376. It was time to wipe off the

377. makeup, take off the wig, and

378. pop off the nose forever,

379. The only worthwhile part of his

380. act involved a giant balloon he

381. called "Ally gator,"

382. But he just wanted to pull the

383. plug on the whole thing,

384. The only thing Fred really

385. Enjoyed was drinking himself

386. into a coma,

387. It was ironic he even became a

388. clown,

389. As a child, they scared the hell

390. out of him,

391. A condition called coulrophobia,

392. Probably most phobias are

393. formed somewhere along the way

394. when someone has a traumatic

395. experience of some kind and

396. they've simply started to

397. ruminate on it and magnify it in

398. their mind,

399. It could form the basis for...

400. You know, for a fear that grew

401. over time,

402. What happens next isn't

403. funny,

404. It's fatal,

405. Fred jerks to a stop,

406. The co2 tank used to inflate the

407. balloon slams into the back of

408. his car,

409. The valve opens and the balloon

410. begins to inflate,

411. Up front, Fred is finishing off

412. his flask of kiddie courage,

413. He's too drunk to notice the

414. growing threat behind,

415. Fred panics,

416. His arms pinned, unable to reach

417. the door handle,

418. Ally gator squeezes the life out

419. of the helpless clown,

420. If somebody was in a car with

421. a giant balloon...

422. They would have pressure on the

423. chest, which is basically not

424. allowing them expand the chest

425. to breathe,

426. A person can suffocate pretty

427. rapidly,

428. If they're deprived of oxygen

429. for over six to seven minutes,

430. they will lose consciousness and

431. their brain will start to die,

432. There's nothing more pathetic

433. than a drunken clown...

434. Except maybe a dead, drunken

435. clown,

436. At least for Fred, clown time is

437. over,

438. when we come back, a tv producer

439. captures a grisly scene of

440. carnage,

441. The freeways of mexico city

442. were the backdrop for a video

443. shoot featuring soap opera

444. heartthrobs on motorcycles,

445. But in front of three cameras,

446. the scene quickly became the

447. highway from hell,

448. It's one of the most gruesome

449. crashes ever caught on camera,

450. And a memory that still haunts

451. producer Sergio Mayer,

452. We knew that we had good

453. shots for that video and we were

454. just almost finished,

455. Just... I think it was gonna be

456. just five more minutes,

457. That decision proved costly,

458. One of the bikes stalls,

459. The other riders slow down,

460. Out of nowhere, a large sedan

461. comes speeding at the Troupe

462. from behind,

463. I remembered that I have a

464. Van at my left with the door

465. open with a camera and I was

466. talking to them when a car's

467. coming by at about 80 miles an

468. hour,

469. I hear that noise,

470. That noise that I'm never gonna,

471. uh, forget in my life,

472. And it feel like it was very

473. slow motion when it was

474. happening,

475. And I remembered that I saw a

476. bike passing by my side and goes

477. "Pow" and hit the Van,

478. My friends were at the floor

479. screaming,

480. And the bikes...

481. There were no bikes,

482. There were only pieces of bikes,

483. Sergio was the only member of

484. the group to come out of the

485. crash without a scratch,

486. One of his friends was not so

487. lucky,

488. The first ambulance arrived

489. and at the ambulance he was,

490. like, making his last, um,

491. breath,

492. And then he started...

493. He stopped to breathe,

494. In hindsight, Sergio feels

495. like an Angel was sent to him in

496. the form of a telephone call

497. from his son just before the

498. shoot,

499. He was five-Years old and he

500. called me and tell me, "you

501. can't leave without my bless,"

502. and I know that that bless...

503. God was with me...

504. uh, because I could be the one

505. that died that night,

506. The brush with death and the

507. ability to review the tape of it

508. from many angles, has altered

509. Sergio's outlook on life,

510. Nothing touched me,

511. The bikes, the bodies, the

512. wheels,

513. Nothing touched me,

514. Call it whatever you want,

515. But I know there is something

516. special and I know that I have

517. some special thing to do here,

518. it's original,