1000 Ways to Die 1x8

1. If you only had a half an

2. hour left to live, how should

3. you spend it?

4. Aah!

5. By Watching this episode of

6. 1,000 ways to die?

7. Duh,

8. We've got a good ol' boy who

9. doesn't use his head...

10. he loses it,

11. Aah!

12. a couple of chinese

13. headbangers,

14. Two ozzy fans with a nose for

15. stupidity,

16. Dude!

17. And a deep-Sea diver who came

18. up for air...

19. Way too fast,

20. Death... It's a disease,

21. And we have the cure...

22. 1,000 ways to die,

23. Death is everywhere,

24. Most of us try to avoid it,

25. others can't get out of its way,

26. Every day we fight a new war

27. against germs, toxins, injury,

28. illness, and catastrophe,

29. There's a lot of ways to wind up

30. dead,

31. The fact that we survive at all

32. is a Miracle,

33. Because every day we live, we

34. face 1,000 ways to die,

35. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

36. Happy birthday, America,

37. Yeah,

38. It's the fourth of july,

39. Now, hurry up and cook me a

40. hot dog,

41. all across the country,

42. citizens are celebrating their

43. nation's birthday the best way

44. they know how,

45. Yeah?

46. Watch this, old Bernie got a

47. trick for ya,

48. by getting hammered,

49. Shut up,

50. Shut up,

51. The beer hammer dropped on

52. Bernie and his buddies long

53. before the sun went down,

54. Whoa!

55. With these knuckleheads,

56. stupid is a vocation,

57. Bernie is about to show why,

58. I got a fourth of july for

59. ya,

60. Bernie has been planning the

61. mother of all firecrackers for

62. weeks,

63. Oh, boy,

64. a homemade fireworks

65. launcher, and a crudely made

66. bomb,

67. Look what ol' Bernie's got

68. for y'all,

69. Whoo...

70. whoo-Hoo-Hoo...

71. Oh...

72. homemade firecrackers!

73. Whoo!

74. Bernie Had combined ENOUGH

75. Cherry bombs to equal the

76. explosive power of a stick of

77. dynamite,

78. He clearly was not aware of the

79. reason why there's a federal law

80. banning homemade Bombs since

81. 1966,

82. Aah!

83. That firework probably acted

84. as a very strong, very forceful

85. projectile, almost like a small

86. cannonball taken in at a close

87. range,

88. So if you can imagine a small

89. cannonball hitting you in the

90. face at greater than 300 miles

91. per hour, that can cause some

92. pretty significant damage,

93. Bernie!

94. Hey, Bernie!

95. Besides Being severely

96. burned, Bernie's face shattered

97. from the impact, and his brain

98. Rattled inside his cranium,

99. causing fatal hemorrhaging,

100. Hey, Bernie,

101. Hey, Bernie!

102. Every fourth of july,

103. fireworks accidents fill

104. emergency rooms around the

105. country,

106. Bernie managed to skip that

107. part, and went straight to the

108. morgue,

109. Of all the stories that have

110. passed through the 1,000 ways to

111. dieresearch department, this

112. one wins the medal of weirdness,

113. Pierre, a 32-year-Old frenchman,

114. has something called pica

115. syndrome, a very bizarre eating

116. disorder,

117. Pica syndrome is a disorder

118. in Which someone craves or eats

119. non-Food items, such as soil,

120. dirt, clay, lead, paint, glass,

121. you name it,

122. For reasons unknown, Pierre's

123. favorite snack was money,

124. Metal coins,

125. His brother tried to stop him,

126. but Pierre was resourceful,

127. He would scour the house for any

128. loose change, and scarf it down,

129. They do not know how to

130. distinguish between food and

131. non-Food items, and what's

132. readily available are metal

133. items,

134. Coins, or bracelets, or

135. necklaces, or something of the

136. sort,

137. even the dog wasn't safe,

138. Oh, ahh...

139. over several weeks, the pain

140. builds in Pierre's stomach to

141. the point where he's forced to

142. go to the hospital,

143. there's catastrophic damage

144. to Pierre's digestive system,

145. The metal could not be passed

146. through the intestines,

147. The weight built up until the

148. stomach was forced against the

149. base of his pelvis,

150. Doctors at the hospital

151. performed emergency surgery,

152. But it was too late,

153. They discovered the metal

154. objects in Pierre's stomach had

155. begun RIPPING open large veins

156. and arteries,

157. Eventually, his entire blood

158. supply drained out into his

159. abdomen,

160. Basically, the stomach had to

161. be surgically removed from this

162. man's body, and before they were

163. able to either create a New

164. stomach or heal him, he passed

165. away in the hospital,

166. Pica syndrome affects around

167. 200,000 people in the United

168. States,

169. Once it starts, it's difficult

170. to cure,

171. So far, the only way to stop it

172. permanently is death,

173. Next up...

174. Two chinese metalheads go off

175. the deep end,

176. Aah!

177. And...

178. is it kind of sexy?

179. Historical babes light up the

180. night,

181. in today's world, many

182. speak the universal language of

183. rock music,

184. Beijing youths Lee and feng were

185. no exception,

186. I think the young people in

187. China were attracted to heavy

188. metal music, uh, for many of the

189. same reasons as anywhere,

190. It's the... the power of the

191. music, the energy of it, you

192. know, and, uh, the culture,

193. By day they lived lives of

194. quiet desperation, working in a

195. factory, making cheap plastic

196. toys for export to the west,

197. But at night, heavy metal was

198. their Muse, and their small,

199. seven-By-Seven concrete

200. apartment became a 60,000-Seat

201. stadium,

202. And every night, they brought

203. the house down,

204. Aah!

205. Each Axl Rose scream, every

206. Pete townshend classic windmill

207. move, brought them closer and

208. closer to rock and roll nirvana,

209. Waah!

210. In that moment, for that

211. person, there is no logical

212. mind,

213. It's just all emotion and

214. energy,

215. And I think these two... they

216. probably were not thinking very

217. logically,

218. One night, after banging

219. every groupie on their magic

220. bus, after smashing Their air

221. guitars into pieces, there was

222. only one thing left...

223. the encore,

224. Aah!

225. whether a sacrifice to the

226. gods of rock, or just catching

227. his knockoff nike on the edge of

228. the bed, Lee took his last stage

229. dive out the sixth-Story window,

230. feng can't bear the thought of

231. breaking up the band,

232. He gives one last chinese

233. warlord scream...

234. and follows his rock and roll

235. brother out the window,

236. Aah!

237. I think whatever band that

238. they were listening to should

239. dedicate the next album to them,

240. Confucius once said, "music

241. produces a pleasure which human

242. nature can't do without,"

243. Unfortunately, China will have

244. to do without Lee and feng,

245. In the 1920s, women were often

246. hired to perform tasks DEEMED

247. TOO delicate or menial for men,

248. That's how Wendy got hired onto

249. an all-Female work crew at

250. radium corporation, a new jersey

251. company that made military

252. watches and clocks,

253. Wendy and her coworkers were

254. given the job of painting the

255. numerals on watch faces,

256. They used a new kind of paint

257. called "Undark,"

258. The glow-in-the-Dark fluid

259. that they were using to paint

260. the faces of the watch... The

261. reason that it glows is because

262. it's radioactive, and it's a

263. compound called radium,

264. What causes problems... And for

265. this woman, was that she

266. probably ingested it,

267. This kind of detail work was

268. exacting,

269. To keep the tip of their

270. paintbrushes pointed, the ladies

271. were taught to wipe excess paint

272. off on their lips,

273. The radium girls discovered

274. undark had a hidden benefit,

275. Lips, ladies, lips,

276. They could apply it to each

277. other and literally make

278. themselves radiate,

279. Once it's in the body, it

280. mimics calcium, and so your body

281. incorporates it into bone, and

282. so a lot of these women ended up

283. getting bone cancer,

284. But it would also cause damage

285. anywhere that it came in

286. contact,

287. If they were ingesting it,

288. it would cause damage in the

289. stomach and the intestines, the

290. throat, the tongue, mouth...

291. Wendy thought it would be fun

292. to use her new look to light up

293. her sex life,

294. Uh-Huh,

295. Isn't it kind of sexy?

296. Why don't you get over here,

297. you little glow worm,

298. numerous times, Wendy and her

299. husband played Peek-a-boo with

300. the magic paint,

301. But before long, they realized

302. that something about this

303. cutting-Edge technology was

304. making Wendy bleed in the most

305. bizarre places,

306. Radiation causes dna damage,

307. It'll cause mutations, and

308. that's why when the radium is

309. incorporated into bone, it has a

310. long time to sit there and

311. damage the soft tissue layer

312. inside the bone, and that can

313. lead to cancer... To bone cancer,

314. It turns out the company knew

315. all along about the harmful

316. effects of radium, yet they

317. allowed the girls to ingest it

318. daily,

319. Wendy was one of the first to

320. die,

321. But six of her colleagues banded

322. together in the first successful

323. worker's rights lawsuit,

324. Overcoming years of denial and

325. foul play, the radium girls led

326. to higher safety standards

327. across America,

328. Coming up...

329. a sexy scuba diver can't take

330. the pressure,

331. and, snorting fire ants...

332. that's gotta hurt,

333. Aah!

334. Aah!

335. This next story is a warning

336. to all who worship false gods,

337. It can be extremely hazardous to

338. your health,

339. Taylor and Conrad's deity?

340. Ozzy osbourne,

341. Oz, man,

342. Ozzy,

343. To say they are ozzy fans

344. does a huge disservice to their

345. complete obsession with the

346. aging rocker,

347. Oz!

348. They live...

349. ozzy,

350. They breathe, they eat,

351. Oz burgers!

352. Oz burgers!

353. 'cause they're, like, baked

354. like oz,

355. Their commitment to ozzy

356. knows no bounds,

357. I love oz So much,

358. I'd do ozzy,

359. But not, like, in a gay way,

360. You know, just, like...

361. I would do him in a gay way,

362. Yeah, that's cool,

363. One, two, oz!

364. Today's the big day,

365. Ozzfest is in town,

366. And Taylor has a special treat

367. for his friend,

368. Guess what it is,

369. Guess what it is,

370. I know, I know, right,

371. Oz-Cream,

372. Rock and roll legend has it

373. that ozzy and Nikki sixx once

374. snorted a line of ants to show

375. just how hardcore they were,

376. It's ants, man!

377. Fire ants, man,

378. The decision to snort

379. ants... From all the things you

380. could enact from ozzy osbourne...

381. This probably was not the best

382. thing to go for, to begin with,

383. It would be almost a punishment

384. if there wasn't any social

385. darwinism involved, and there

386. wasn't some kind of a

387. consequence involved,

388. Oh, dude,

389. Dude?

390. Nikki Sixx?

391. Yeah, Nikki sixx, ozzy, ozzy,

392. yeah!

393. Dude,

394. Taylor and Conrad wanna be

395. hardcore too,

396. A couple of lines of fire ants

397. should do the trick,

398. Oh!

399. No, I'm gonna take one, I'm

400. gonna take it... Here we go,

401. Oh!

402. Dude,

403. As soon as you snort up the

404. fire ants into your nose, the

405. first thing they'll do is bite,

406. Ow!

407. And immediately upon biting,

408. they sting,

409. They'll inject as much venom as

410. they can,

411. They are very, very pissed off,

412. And rightly so,

413. God, what is that?

414. Aah!

415. That will cause intense pain,

416. hence the headbanging,

417. Lots of drooling, lots of

418. screaming, wrenching of the

419. eyes, trying to clear the nose

420. out,

421. You gotta have very long things

422. to get the ants out of your

423. nose, and that's just not gonna

424. happen,

425. Then the swelling starts,

426. That'll start closing up the

427. nose,

428. You can't breathe,

429. The trachea starts to close up,

430. Suffocation follows,

431. Aah!

432. Aah!

433. Stupid bastards,

434. A couple hundred fire ants won't

435. necessarily kill you, but if you

436. inhale them into your nasal

437. cavity and down your throat, you

438. can't breathe, you die,

439. A couple of big jerks,

440. Ozz-Holes,

441. stay, stay,

442. This shapely redhead looks

443. like she's ready for her next

444. tanning session,

445. But looks can be deceiving,

446. Sandy is a deep sea diver,

447. A few hours ago, she narrowly

448. escaped death after her air

449. tanks failed at a depth of 350

450. feet,

451. She had to make an emergency

452. swim to the surface,

453. As any diver knows, this could

454. bring on a fatal attack of the

455. bends,

456. When we go down underwater,

457. we're absorbing more nitrogen

458. into our bodies,

459. The air that we're breathing

460. here, just in the atmosphere, is

461. about 20% oxygen, about 80%

462. nitrogen,

463. So it would be like shaking up a

464. soda bottle and trying to open

465. it up very quickly if you come

466. up to the surface really fast,

467. Now she's in a decompression

468. chamber, waiting it out while

469. the deadly nitrogen Bubbles

470. slowly dissolve back into her

471. bloodstream,

472. If you're down at, say, 100

473. feet, and you come up nice and

474. slow, the gas is gonna be slowly

475. expelled from the... the blood

476. through the lungs, and you can

477. exhale it out,

478. It's going to be hours before

479. she can exit the chamber,

480. But she's lucky to be alive, and

481. she knows it,

482. She'll take boredom over death

483. any day,

484. Unfortunately, the Grim reaper

485. had other plans for this sexy

486. scuba goddess,

487. A maintenance worker at the

488. scuba center accidentally opens

489. the Hatch to the decompression

490. chamber,

491. No!

492. In a nanosecond, Sandy goes

493. from sexy...

494. to splattered,

495. All over the chamber,

496. If, uh, you were to go from

497. seven atmospheres to one

498. atmosphere in the blink of an

499. eye, it's pretty much a done

500. deal,

501. It's... It's over,

502. Up next, an unlucky skydiver

503. takes a really bad fall,

504. Can you hear me?

505. Did you ever have the urge to

506. try skydiving?

507. If so, you better not watch this

508. story,

509. Chris Colwell was a veteran

510. skydive teacher making a routine

511. jump, videotaping one of his

512. students,

513. It was different than a

514. regular routine day,

515. Uh, it was more a little bit fun

516. for me because it was... I hadn't

517. been jumping in a while,

518. I was also trying to give him

519. some skills... Some extra skills,

520. uh, to help him,

521. 2,000 feet into the jump,

522. Chris sees his student using the

523. wrong posture, slicing through

524. the air, down and away from

525. Chris,

526. Chris goes into a power dive to

527. catch up, quickly reaching 165

528. miles per hour,

529. But the student put his arms out

530. to slow down at the worst

531. moment,

532. Chris's neck snapped upon

533. impact,

534. Actual collision happened

535. very fast,

536. I- I realized I was still falling

537. to the earth, and I started to

538. have some thoughts of my life

539. ending and I was visualizing my

540. wife at the time, and friends

541. and good times that I had, and

542. at one point I just sort of let

543. go,

544. And I could see the green of the

545. earth coming up to my side,

546. I pretty much accepted I was

547. dying and I let go at that

548. point, and abruptly my parachute

549. opened up, and it was very

550. unexpected, but it opened up

551. properly,

552. Chris, can you hear me?

553. Chris,

554. Chris's body will never be

555. the same,

556. Help me,

557. Help m...

558. Okay,

559. Be still, we've got help on

560. the way,

561. Please help me,

562. But he's alive,

563. The accident took away his body,

564. but it revealed that Chris had

565. the mental strength to embrace a

566. new lease on life,

567. I tend to spend most of my

568. life now focusing on Helping

569. others live their lives versus

570. not living my life,

571. And that's basically

572. where... where I'm at and what

573. I've learned from my life now,

574. is that, uh, life doesn't end

575. because you lose a part of your

576. body,