1000 Ways to Die 1x7

1. >> Life's a bitch, then you

2. marry one, then you die,

3. Like the drunk biker who passed

4. some gas out the wrong end,

5. Or the shyest couple in the

6. history of coupling,

7. How 'bout the guy who fell

8. asleep on the job,

9. >>

10. >> and never woke up?

11. >>

12. >> or the paintballer who went

13. Bye-Bye during a drive-By,

14. Or what about the lady who tried

15. a new tapeworm diet?

16. And then there's the guy in the

17. boat who was shocked to

18. discover,

19. >> I'm not a fisherman, I'm an

20. electrician!

21. >> After all this, one thing is

22. perfectly CLEAR:

23. Life will kill ya,

24. Death is everywhere,

25. Most of us try to avoid it,

26. others can't get out of its way,

27. Every day we fight a new war

28. against germs, toxins, injury,

29. illness, and catastrophe,

30. There's a lot of ways to wind up

31. dead,

32. The fact that we survive at all

33. is a Miracle,

34. Because every day we live, we

35. face 1,000 ways to die,

36. Cisco is on the Lam,

37. He robbed a bank in missoula,

38. and escaped to the Montana

39. wilderness on his Harley,

40. Now he's got enough money for

41. his dream project, a new meth

42. lab,

43. It was time to celebrate,

44. Cheap bourbon never tasted so

45. good,

46. >> aah!

47. >> Oops,

48. With his mug shot all over the

49. state by Now, it's not like

50. Cisco can Waltz back into town

51. for more booze,

52. Desperate enough to try anything

53. for a high, he turns to the only

54. thing he truly LOVES:

55. His Harley,

56. More specifically, the gas tank,

57. >> Gasoline is a pretty complex

58. mixture,

59. It has 100 different

60. hydrocarbons in it, including

61. things like benzene and toluene,

62. which are very toxic,

63. But, um, this also includes

64. ethanol,

65. >> Cisco had heard that ethanol

66. is another name for alcohol,

67. He reasoned that since cars can

68. be fueled by booze, he could get

69. drunk off the gasoline in his

70. Harley,

71. He was wrong,

72. The only high you'll get from

73. drinking gas is the one called

74. death,

75. >> If one were to drink gasoline

76. to try and get the effects of

77. ethanol, what they would get

78. instead is, um, probably an

79. immediate response from their

80. stomach, as in vomiting,

81. >> Instead of a buzz, Cisco

82. feels like a buzz saw is Ripping

83. through his stomach,

84. He's finally getting it,

85. Gasoline is good for cars, not

86. people,

87. >>

88. >> robbing a bank... Bad idea,

89. Drinking gasoline... Even worse,

90. Puking his deadly firewater into

91. an open fire... The worst idea he

92. ever had,

93. One wonders if any of this ran

94. through Cisco's dim brain while

95. he was doing his best imitation

96. of a marshmallow,

97. Who cares?

98. One less meth-Dealing biker to

99. worry about,

100. >>

101. >> meet hiroto and sakura,

102. Their love for each other was

103. without equal,

104. But they had a big problem,

105. After seven years of marriage,

106. they were still unable to

107. consummate their union,

108. And it's not like they didn't

109. try,

110. They did,

111. Hundreds of times,

112. But it always ended the same

113. way... Both of them on the edge of

114. their bed, on the verge of

115. passing out from

116. hyperventilating,

117. The intensity of their feelings

118. frightened the young couple, and

119. they would always pull back and

120. hold off Sex for another day,

121. >> When I have couples come to

122. see me for counseling from

123. repressed cultures, I always

124. start them off with very gentle

125. foreplay,

126. And so within six weeks, they

127. are able to have sexual

128. intercourse,

129. But it leads up to it, it

130. doesn't all happen at once,

131. >> Kanpai,

132. >> Kanpai,

133. >> Then one day, hiroto came

134. home from work determined to

135. Seal the deal with his sweet

136. sakura,

137. After a bottle of plum wine,

138. they were ready to give it

139. another shot,

140. >> Aah,

141. >> this time, there was no

142. holding back,

143. Locked together as one, they

144. were heading to the promised

145. land,

146. >>

147. >>

148. >> sadly, it was a case of too

149. much too soon,

150. The young couple locked eyes,

151. then passed out... Dead in their

152. lover's bed from heart attacks,

153. >> Not having sex for years can

154. have a negative effect on the

155. heart because the heart is not

156. used to it,

157. You know, you have to build up

158. your stamina,

159. >> It might've been their

160. special love had only a one-Way

161. door to ecstasy, because hiroto

162. and sakura hit the g-Spot

163. Bull's-eye, the big o, and died,

164. never to return from their

165. simultaneous, orgasmic Bliss,

166. Tragic?

167. Maybe,

168. But of all the 1,000 ways to

169. die, this one gets our highest

170. rating,

171. Ichiban,

172. Number one,

173. When we come back,

174. nodding off leads to checking

175. out for one sleepy factory

176. worker,

177. >>

178. >> and a woman with a weight

179. problem Should've waited before

180. trying the diet to die for,

181. >> Jake Basso was the ideal

182. metal worker... Punctual,

183. friendly, and thorough,

184. >> Jake!

185. Jake!

186. Jake,

187. Hey, what's up, boy?

188. What's up, dude?

189. >> What's up, man?

190. Did I nod off again?

191. >> Dude, you were lights out,

192. man, But the lights were still

193. blinking up here,

194. >> Oh, man,

195. >> The only problem with Jake

196. was his narcolepsy, a paralyzing

197. sleep disorder that made Jake

198. fall asleep in the strangest

199. places,

200. >>

201. >> Well, narcolepsy is a sleep

202. disorder, and it's not a rare

203. one, it's about one or two cases

204. per 10,000, so in a large

205. country like America, there are

206. a fair number of people with it,

207. >> One day, Jake just picked the

208. wrong place to have an attack of

209. narcolepsy,

210. The big curing oven is used to

211. slowly bake powder-Coated

212. furniture, But for Jake it was a

213. warm and comfy cave to grab 40

214. winks,

215. ♪ ♪

216. his friend manny swung the big

217. door shut, having no clue that

218. Jake was inside,

219. He set the oven at 600 degrees

220. for 12 hours,

221. The sleeping Jake Went

222. unconscious from the gas fumes

223. in the oven before the real

224. damage could set in,

225. At 108 degrees, his brain begins

226. to die,

227. At 120, his skin burns through

228. and begins to crust,

229. By 213 degrees, his blood is

230. boiling,

231. And at 572 degrees, the body

232. spontaneously combusts,

233. >> Whoo!

234. Whew,

235. >> what would probably happen in

236. This case is if the oven was set

237. to turn on automatically, and

238. the person was sleeping in

239. there, in all likelihood, the

240. carbon monoxide knocked him out

241. and prevented him from waking

242. up, which is why he ended up

243. probably getting burned in this

244. oven,

245. >> 12 hours at extreme

246. temperatures left Jake extra

247. crispy,

248. Darlene had a problem,

249. She was fat,

250. She tried everything to lose

251. weight,

252. The cabbage diet,

253. The grapefruit diet,

254. Even the chocolate diet,

255. Nothing worked until,

256. >> I'm telling you, Louise, I

257. think I'm onto something, here,

258. I swallowed tapeworms,

259. >> tapeworms are one of the

260. classes of flatworms that are

261. entirely parasitic,

262. And they usually live as adults

263. in different types of

264. vertebrates... Reptiles and

265. mammals,

266. >> Darlene had gone online and

267. ordered Tapeworm larva from

268. venezuela,

269. She swallowed it, and soon

270. enough her little diet friend

271. had set up shop in her small

272. intestine, and began feeding on

273. Anything Darlene ate,

274. It was a good deal,

275. The fatter the tapeworm grew,

276. the skinnier Darlene became,

277. >> I'm already down four dress

278. sizes,

279. And counting!

280. You should totally try it,

281. >> You shouldn't consume any

282. worms... Any parasitic worms... for

283. the purposes of losing weight

284. because it's just not a good

285. strategy,

286. >> Not a good strategy, unless

287. you wanna jeopardize your

288. health,

289. Darlene's tapeworm grew to an

290. enormous length... Over 20 feet

291. long... and it was sucking the

292. very life out of its host,

293. but eventually the worm turned,

294. or reproduced, until Darlene's

295. body was completely infested

296. with tapeworms,

297. >> Not so good, actually,

298. I'm just not feeling so hot,

299. >> When the larvae do bore

300. through the intestinal wall, and

301. get distributed through the

302. circulatory system to the liver,

303. or the LUNGS, or even the brain,

304. it's going to affect the

305. function of one of those organs,

306. And it certainly has lead to

307. death of individuals,

308. >> How much did I lose?

309. 60 pounds,

310. >> Darlene finally fit into a

311. size four dress,

312. Too bad she wore it at her

313. funeral,

314. >> Darlene, are you okay?

315. Darlene,

316. >> Up next, drive-By

317. paintballing,

318. That's not cool,

319. And a fisherman throws his line

320. into the water, and goes

321. belly-up,

322. >> For high school rejects Luke

323. and Mickey, fame... Or infamy...

324. Was just a youtube video away,

325. >> Say hello to the world,

326. >> Waa,

327. >> youtube style,

328. >> How you doin', world?

329. >> Mm-Hmm,

330. >> Today's webisode: "suburban

331. Slaughter,"

332. >> Let's do it,

333. >> whoo!

334. >> They hit the street in search

335. of internet gold,

336. The boys didn't consider that

337. shooting people with a paintball

338. gun is just as illegal as

339. shooting them with a real gun,

340. And they kept shooting at

341. anything that moved,

342. >> Hey!

343. Whoo!

344. Yeah!

345. Whoo!

346. Whoa, hold on, man,

347. >> What?

348. >> Do you see that?

349. Stop, stop, stop,

350. >> But even the most basic

351. weapons of war require a bit of

352. mechanical know-How,

353. >> Look at the co2 tank,

354. Does it look right?

355. >> What?

356. >> Does it look like it's on

357. there properly?

358. It's wobbly, man,

359. >> No, dude, those things are,

360. like, idiot-Proof,

361. >> The guns may be

362. idiot-Proof,

363. >> you get that?

364. Mm-Hmm?

365. >> But these two idiots weren't,

366. >> I just don't want any of this

367. stuff to hit me in the face,

368. >> Dude, it'll be totally fine,

369. Totally fine,

370. >> Locked and loaded, the boys

371. were ready for the next scene of

372. "Suburban Slaughter,"

373. The art of the drive-By,

374. >> Easy target, right?

375. >> Luke lined up the shot,

376. unaware that Mickey was lined up

377. right behind his gun,

378. >> there is about 1,200 to 1,500

379. psi inside of a tank,

380. Each tank has a thread right on

381. top that actually screws into

382. the gun,

383. A lotta people don't really

384. check their threads on the

385. tanks, and it gets all rounded,

386. >> The thread snapped, turning

387. the tank into a self-Propelled

388. missile,

389. It crushed into Mickey's larynx

390. at 200 miles per hour, breaking

391. his scrawny neck,

392. >> Mickey,

393. Oh, my god,

394. Mickey, Mickey, Mickey, I'm

395. sorry,

396. Mickey, wake up,

397. Mi... Mickey!

398. Mickey!

399. >> Maybe it was a mechanical

400. failure,

401. Maybe it was Karma's way of

402. removing another Juvenile jerk

403. from the planet,

404. One thing is sure,

405. "Suburban Slaughter" Had a great

406. ending,

407. >> Mickey, Mickey!

408. What're you doing?

409. Stop!

410. What are you...

411. He's dead!

412. I need help!

413. >> Randal is an electrician

414. with a short fuse,

415. To keep from overloading, he

416. spends his days off fishing,

417. It's the perfect therapy,

418. As long as he catches fish,

419. >> Aah,

420. Guide my lure and bring me every

421. fish in this lake,

422. >> But today the only thing

423. Randal's catching is a massive

424. migraine,

425. >> Yaaah!

426. Yaa!

427. >> His main Circuit flips from

428. sane to psycho,

429. >> Come down here!

430. >> Yaah!

431. I'm not a fisherman!

432. I'm an electrician!

433. >> Randal's going to use all the

434. tools of his trade to bring in

435. his catch,

436. He'll need a power source,

437. So he taps into the county's

438. 12,000 volt power lines,

439. >> There are actually fishing

440. techniques that use electricity,

441. I've actually seen this, where

442. fish were literally leaping

443. outta the water, right onto the

444. deck of the boat, trying to

445. escape the current that they

446. were feeling,

447. >> Next, he lays the Cable out

448. carefully and floats 100 feet of

449. live wire out to his killing

450. ground,

451. >> Hey, god!

452. You see this?

453. Huh?

454. >> Finally, he completes the

455. circuit, and drops his megavolt

456. Trout trasher into the deep,

457. >>

458. >> one by one, the fish go

459. belly-up,

460. But Randal isn't going to be

461. satisfied until he zaps every

462. last one of god's little

463. fishies,

464. >> You lookin', god?

465. You see what you gave me?

466. >> Like most THINGS too good to

467. be True, it was,

468. Randal's high-Voltage fish FRYER

469. suddenly turns against the

470. fisherman,

471. >> I don't use no lure!

472. I don't have...

473. Yaah!

474. >> He shocked the bejesus out

475. of himself,

476. And he was literally paralyzed

477. and frozen 'cause none of his

478. nerves would work,

479. Because nerves Work via

480. electrical transfer,

481. >> The first time Randal

482. completed the electrical

483. circuit, the wooden bench

484. insulated him from terminal

485. shock,

486. But once his body touched the

487. electrified metal boat, his fate

488. was sealed,

489. Randal will be spending eternity

490. sleeping with the fishes,

491. An airline crash is many

492. peoples' worst nightmare,

493. For one couple, it turned into a

494. True Miracle,

495. >> with 175 people on board, an

496. ethiopian airlines plane was

497. hijacked after takeoff, but

498. couldn't find a place to land,

499. Out of fuel, the pilots

500. attempted an ocean landing just

501. off the island of comoros,

502. >> When the plane hit the water,

503. it was like a 15-Mile-An-Hour

504. auto accident, then a 30-Mile-

505. An-Hour auto accident, then it

506. was like the worst thing I've

507. ever had, and then I went,

508. uh-Oh; I'm dead,

509. >> The plane hits the water at

510. over 200 miles per hour,

511. Passengers are killed as they

512. are thrown across the ocean,

513. On shore, dozens of sunbathers

514. witness the crash, and begin a

515. rescue effort, sifting through

516. the wreckage for signs of life,

517. >> It was surreal,

518. >> You've survived a major air

519. crash, and you wake up, and

520. you're floating in the water,

521. and the plane has disappeared,

522. and there's trash across the

523. water from the plane... a little

524. debris, and a handful of people

525. who survives, floating about,

526. >> As more people are found, the

527. death count reveals that one in

528. four passengers were dead,

529. It quickly becomes apparent that

530. survivors are few,

531. Franklin huddle and his wife

532. chanya were two of them,

533. >> I know what happens when big

534. planes go into the water...

535. Usually Everybody is killed,

536. In only one or two cases where,

537. you know, a major plane... This is

538. a 767 with 175 people aboard,

539. When they land in the water,

540. they usually kill everybody,

541. >> Over 120 people were killed

542. that day,

543. Why some survived and others did

544. not is still a mystery,

545. >> Probably we survived because

546. we got a good break from, uh,

547. whoever gives out the breaks in

548. our life,

549. Yeah, I cheated death,