1000 Ways to Die 1x6

1. >> Did you know death is like a

2. really bad cold?

3. There's no known cure,

4. That's bad news for the girl

5. with the long, long legs,

6. Or the guy who tried to

7. recycle,

8. >>

9. >> himself,

10. >> And the escaped prisoner who

11. wound up beached and leeched,

12. Then there's the guy with the

13. snake up his Butt,

14. And the fish story that'll leave

15. you gagging,

16. Take two aspirin and call me in

17. the morning,

18. It's the next episode of

19. 1,000 ways to die,

20. Death is everywhere,

21. Most of us try to avoid it,

22. others can't get out of its way,

23. Every day we fight a new war

24. against germs, toxins, injury,

25. illness, and catastrophe,

26. There's a lot of ways to wind up

27. dead,

28. The fact that we survive at all

29. is a Miracle,

30. Because every day we live, we

31. face 1,000 ways to die,

32. Tracy was getting ready for

33. another honest Night's work,

34. As a las vegas showgirl, her

35. long, shapely legs were her meal

36. ticket,

37. Working all night and sleeping

38. most of the day didn't leave

39. much time for mundane tasks like

40. shopping,

41. >> Ow,

42. Oh,

43. >> When Tracy cut herself with

44. an old, Rusty razor blade, her

45. death clock started ticking,

46. The blade that cut her skin had

47. a nasty bacteria on it called

48. group a strep,

49. >> It's the same kind of

50. bacteria, streptococcus, that

51. causes a strep throat,

52. But there are certain strains

53. that have a particular toxin

54. that makes them more prone to

55. causing these necrotizing

56. infections,

57. >> A "necrotizing infection" is

58. just a fancy way to say

59. "flesh-Eating disease,"

60. And a few days later, Tracy got

61. a rude awakening,

62. >> Oh, my god,

63. Oh, my face!

64. Holy crap,

65. >> This particular bacteria can

66. progress very quickly,

67. It can happen over a matter of

68. hours,

69. You can go from being perfectly

70. healthy to having a

71. limb-Threatening or even

72. life-Threatening infection,

73. >> The bacteria traveled through

74. her body and wound up breaking

75. through a pimple, and eating its

76. way across her face,

77. By the time Tracy wound up in

78. the hospital it was too late,

79. The infection had spread

80. throughout her body, causing

81. septic shock,

82. In a city that never sleeps,

83. Tracy the leggy showgirl went

84. lights out,

85. Jake believed that any day now

86. humanity would be wiped out in

87. some cataclysmic event,

88. He was determined to survive,

89. come hell or high water,

90. Living off the grid, alone and

91. isolated, Jake spent every

92. waking hour in a state of

93. paranoia,

94. He patrolled his land for any

95. intruder who might threaten his

96. space,

97. It was a job that required

98. constant vigilance,

99. While draining the snake in his

100. hand, Jake failed to see the one

101. in the bush,

102. Like a devil in disguise, a

103. six-Foot speckled King Snake

104. went straight for Jake's rifle,

105. >> Snakes'll often find

106. someplace warm to help heat

107. their body up,

108. And, uh, that way they can

109. digest their food,

110. Snakes don't make their own heat

111. inside, so they need to get

112. outside heat,

113. >> The snake wrapped itself

114. around the Butt of Jake's gun

115. and through the trigger loop as

116. Jake made sure not to let the

117. last drops go down his pants,

118. Those few extra Shakes would

119. prove fateful,

120. >> Uh!

121. >> Maybe the snake got spooked

122. by Jake and tensed up around the

123. trigger,

124. Maybe the snake was sent to

125. deliver a message,

126. But what's clear is the snake

127. managed to pull the trigger

128. right when the gun was pointed

129. at Jake's heart,

130. >> Snakes definitely like to

131. kinda wiggle into tight places,

132. and it may have just been

133. wrapped around the, uh, trigger

134. of the gun,

135. >> The bullet blasted a

136. four-Inch hole into Jake's

137. breast bone, piercing his heart,

138. Death was instantaneous,

139. In the end, Jake successfully

140. avoided the apocalypse by

141. Permanently isolating himself

142. from humanity,

143. But he never learned that if the

144. barbarians at the gate don't get

145. ya, the snake in the grass will,

146. Next up,

147. Escaped female prisoner learns

148. the hard way... Leeches suck,

149. Then, a mentally challenged

150. thief takes himself out with the

151. trash,

152. >> Carmen is a very bad girl,

153. A notorious crystal meth dealer

154. and convicted murderer, she was

155. sent to a texas prison with no

156. chance of parole,

157. She decided to take her own

158. chances, and busted out,

159. If she could make it across the

160. border into mexico, she'd be

161. home free,

162. But that was a long shot,

163. And the prison guards chasing

164. her were very good shots,

165. With no place left to run, she

166. hit the ice-Cold water,

167. But without knowing it, Carmen

168. had jumped out of the frying pan

169. and into the fire... Straight into

170. the clutches of a hidden enemy,

171. >> Leeches,

172. If you're... Like, for this

173. prisoner who's running through

174. the... the swamp, it's the perfect

175. place,

176. They're ambushers, they can

177. smell and feel the body heat,

178. and it's lunch,

179. And they'll swim very fast and

180. attach themselves almost

181. immediately, and within three

182. seconds they're drawing blood,

183. >> The lake was a chilly 55

184. degrees,

185. A half an hour would send Carmen

186. into a state of hypothermia,

187. A minute turned to ten, while

188. the sharpshooters carefully

189. scanned the area,

190. Carmen's breathing became quick

191. and shallow,

192. Her blood vessels constricted,

193. and her limbs became numb,

194. It was the perfect cover for the

195. leeches, who are made to suck

196. blood undetected,

197. >> They have an anticoagulant in

198. the saliva, and also a pain

199. killer, so you don't feel them

200. attaching, and you don't feel

201. the blood flowing,

202. So even when the Leech is full...

203. I would say 10 to 15 to 20 ccs

204. of blood, it falls off, you're

205. still going to Leak another five

206. to ten ccs of blood,

207. They'll literally drain you out

208. of blood,

209. >> After 45 minutes, Carmen was

210. finally able to crawl out of the

211. water,

212. Soon she'd be safe in Mexico,

213. mixing up new batches of devil's

214. brew... Methamphetamine,

215. But Carmen's Karma is about to

216. bite back,

217. She's so drained of blood from

218. the leeches feeding on her body,

219. she's too weak to move,

220. >> If she doesn't die from a

221. lack of blood or loss of blood,

222. she would die of exposure,

223. Too weak,

224. Couldn't even call for help

225. eventually, she'd just die of

226. exposure and she'd become a...

227. Basically a blowfly picnic,

228. wouldn't she?

229. >> Griff's an urban

230. Hunter-Gatherer,

231. The kind who mostly gathers

232. other peoples' stuff,

233. Knowing the security guard is on

234. his fourth coffee break, it was

235. time for griff to strike,

236. But even a rent-a-Cop can

237. sometimes stumble onto a perp,

238. >> Hey!

239. >> Hey!

240. Are you kidding me, man?

241. C'mere!

242. Hey!

243. C'mere!

244. >> Sometimes a desperate

245. dumpster dive is the only way

246. out,

247. Hidden underneath yesterday's

248. lunch, griff has once again

249. eluded the man,

250. But not the machine,

251. While he was getting cozy with

252. the cockroaches, fate turned his

253. world upside-Down,

254. >> Aah!

255. Hey!

256. Aah!

257. >> Falling on his head has left

258. griff groggy and disoriented,

259. A second load pins him down,

260. >>

261. >>

262. >> compactors create about

263. 64,000 pounds or 32 tons of

264. pressure to crunch and collapse,

265. uh, debris,

266. >>

267. >> the first thing that happens

268. is that you can't breathe

269. because the external forces

270. disallow expansion of the chest,

271. >>

272. >> once in the clutches of the

273. compactor, griff's bones will

274. start snapping one-By-One,

275. Eventually his vital organs will

276. burst from the severe pressure,

277. >> Ostensibly there's

278. disintegration of every known

279. structure in the human body,

280. >> Aah!

281. >> If he's lucky, he'll have

282. lost consciousness by then,

283. >> By the time they finally

284. discovered what was left of his

285. body, it probably would just be

286. mopped up with a sponge,

287. >> There you go,

288. A new way to reform a criminal,

289. >> Come to mama!

290. >> Coming up,

291. a fish tale that's hard to

292. swallow,

293. >>

294. >> and,

295. >> what are you doing?

296. >> An ex-Con sticks it where the

297. sun don't shine, and doesn't

298. live to regret it,

299. >>

300. >> what's the matter with you?

301. >> Ah, the great outdoors,

302. Where else can you enjoy a hot

303. Chick and a pole without blowing

304. your paycheck?

305. Kathy is every outdoorsman's

306. dream... a super sexy, pint-Sized

307. Daisy Duke who digs fishing,

308. Any guy would love to pull this

309. Spinner out of their tackle box,

310. >> Come to mama,

311. >> The problem was Kathy was no

312. angler,

313. She couldn't even catch a cold,

314. In all her days spent fishing,

315. she had yet to catch a fish,

316. So far, today was like all

317. others,

318. Cast after cast, the only thing

319. she reeled in was frustration,

320. >> What is this?

321. >> Kathy's bad day took a turn

322. for the better,

323. It started with a nibble,

324. >> Yes!

325. >> The nibble turned into a

326. bite,

327. >> Come on,

328. Oh, come on,

329. Oh, come on,

330. >> And finally, she had her

331. first fish on the line,

332. >> You're not getting away,

333. Come to mama!

334. >> She gave one last terrific

335. pull, and her fish was on the

336. hook and in the air,

337. What happened next makes This

338. fish tale one for the books,

339. Kathy's fish came soaring out of

340. the sky, into her wide-Open

341. mouth,

342. >>

343. >> and lodged itself deep down

344. her throat,

345. The outside of a fish is

346. composed of thousands of scales,

347. which are like individual

348. plates,

349. On the outside of the plates are

350. bony spines, which will dig into

351. anything that grabs hold,

352. >>

353. >> the more she pulled, the more

354. its scales dug into the walls of

355. her throat,

356. choking her to death,

357. In the end, Kathy was the one

358. that got away,

359. >> Damn, baby, you're like the

360. best thing I've seen in three

361. years,

362. >> I bet,

363. >> Out on parole, with $200 to

364. his name, Levinson was ready to

365. live it up on his first night of

366. freedom,

367. So, like any sensible man Who

368. knows where True happiness lies,

369. he bought himself a bottle of

370. Jack, rented himself a fancy

371. suv, and got himself a Hooker,

372. >> All I got is 50,

373. >> Think of this as a Charity,

374. >> All right,

375. >> Lucky Levinson was about to

376. receive a blue ball special,

377. >> You're an Angel,

378. Oh, I've been waiting three long

379. years for this,

380. >> Lost in the romance of the

381. moment, Levinson didn't notice a

382. cop car pulling up until he had

383. already pulled his pants down,

384. >>

385. >> Oh, crap,

386. Take this,

387. >> What is that?

388. >> It's Pepper spray,

389. Take it,

390. >> No!

391. >> It's a parole violation,

392. I go back for two years for

393. this,

394. >> What are you doing?

395. >> Levinson had a can of Pepper

396. spray in plain view on the

397. console of his car,

398. And in the panic to hide it, the

399. ex-Con followed his instincts,

400. and shoved the contraband into

401. the first place he could think

402. of,

403. up his Keister,

404. >> What's going on here?

405. >> Nothing, Officer,

406. Just me and my wife talking,

407. >> Your wife?

408. >> Yes, my wife,

409. >> If that's your wife, I'm the

410. emperor of China,

411. >> Nice to meet you, emperor,

412. >> Get outta the car,

413. >> Got nothing better to do?

414. >> Get outta the car,

415. >> They say that when you get

416. pulled over, your first

417. impression dictates your odds of

418. avoiding trouble,

419. >> Exiting a vehicle with your

420. pants around your ankles and a

421. half-Pint of booze on your

422. breath... Not a good start,

423. >> Are you under the influence?

424. >> A little bit,

425. >> A little bit?

426. >> A little bit!

427. >> Hey!

428. >> Aah!

429. >> what's the matter?

430. >> When the cop shoved Levinson

431. against the truck, it set off a

432. raging can of Pepper Spray

433. inside his bunghole,

434. >> Oh, my god, it hurts!

435. >> What's going on?

436. >> When someone has Pepper spray

437. sprayed in their face, it

438. typically is in an open

439. environment,

440. When Pepper spray will go off

441. in, say, a closed Colon, there's

442. nowhere for that Pepper to

443. diffuse, so it's just constantly

444. gonna be irritating that lining,

445. causing more and more damage

446. getting close to the lining,

447. probably causing more severe

448. damage than, say, if you sprayed

449. it in someone's eyes or nose,

450. >> The hell is wrong with this

451. guy?

452. >> You'll figure it out,

453. I am so out of here,

454. >> What's going on?

455. What the hell's going on?

456. >>

457. >> crime doesn't pay, But the

458. criminal does,

459. For Levinson, first he put up,

460. then he paid up,

461. Up next,

462. we all know that war sucks, but

463. what happened to one unlucky

464. navy man that really sucked?

465. >> Throughout history, if you

466. really wanted to tempt death,

467. you went to war,

468. In 1991, jd bridges was part of

469. Desert storm in the

470. persian gulf,

471. >> I went into the navy two

472. weeks after I graduated high

473. school in June of '88,

474. They told me that I was gonna be

475. on the catapults and arresting

476. gear on the flight deck of a

477. Carrier,

478. Stationed on the

479. U, S, S, Roosevelt, jd became a

480. member of the crew responsible

481. for landing and launching all

482. the aircraft on the massive

483. flight deck,

484. >> We launched a-6 intruders,

485. f-14s, f-18s, s-3s, e-2s,

486. we didn't have a day and a night

487. crew; there was one crew,

488. We didn't get but about two

489. hours' sleep a day,

490. >> To dominate the airspace over

491. iraq, the rooseveltwas running

492. missions 24/7,

493. >> And we was launching alert

494. aircraft just to always have

495. planes in the air, and it was

496. about 3:00 in the morning,

497. everybody on the flight deck was

498. tired and fatigued because we

499. only had one ship,

500. >> Preparing an a-6 intruder for

501. takeoff, jd stepped too close to

502. one of its engines,

503. The air intake sucked him in

504. like a rag doll,

505. >> It was basically an "Oh,

506. moment,

507. I'm in big danger, but it...

508. There's nothing you can do about

509. it, as you can see,

510. >> But jd was still inside the

511. running jet engine,

512. It ripped his helmet off and

513. shot it through the combustion

514. chamber,

515. >> The force of the air rushing

516. through the intake pulled the

517. air outta my lungs so I couldn't

518. breathe,

519. They shut down the plane, and my

520. air came back to me,

521. I started breathing,

522. I knew I had to get outta there,

523. so I crawled out, and took about

524. two steps and I blacked out and

525. woke up in medical,

526. >> Jd escaped death with

527. amazingly moderate injuries,

528. >> I had a broken collarbone,

529. uh, I had to get ten stitches

530. above my eye,

531. I've got a couple little pieces

532. of steel that got lodged into my

533. body, but it's nothing major,

534. >> Fate, luck, or Miracle?

535. Jd Bridges is one serviceman who

536. can count some major blessings,

537. >> I guess it can be considered

538. a Miracle for the simple fact I

539. should've died and didn't, so

540. therefore I-I think everybody

541. has a purpose in life, and it

542. just wasn't my time to go,

543. I've got a purpose, and

544. somewhere down the road I'll

545. find it,