1000 Ways to Die 1x3

1. >> Okay, deadheads,

2. It's time to count your

3. blessings and be thankful you're

4. watching this show, and not in

5. it,

6. >>

7. >>

8. >> that's more than we can say

9. for this maniac who's always

10. looking for a better buzz,

11. And how 'bout the man who

12. thought he was taking home a

13. hottie, but wound up taking in a

14. stray bullet instead?

15. Have you been a bad boy?

16. Need a drink?

17. >> Keep it comin',

18. >> it's time to air out the

19. double-Wide and keep your eye on

20. the prize,

21. >> And that's how you do it!

22. >> It's the next episode of

23. 1,000 ways to die,

24. Death is everywhere,

25. Most of us try to avoid it,

26. others can't get out of its way,

27. Every day, we fight a new war

28. against germs, toxins, injury,

29. illness, and catastrophe,

30. There's a lot of ways to wind up

31. dead,

32. The fact that we survive at all

33. is a Miracle,

34. Because every day we live,

35. we face 1,000 ways to die,

36. >> life, as John Cook saw it,

37. was one long, obscene gesture,

38. He was only too happy to oblige,

39. >>

40. >> he was the ultimate

41. adrenaline junkie, always

42. looking for the next fix,

43. >> This kind of person or kind

44. of personality type, it seems to

45. require thrills, a higher set

46. point,

47. They seem to need to take

48. constant risk to move things

49. forward, to expand the horizons,

50. >>

51. >> some people are addicted to

52. it,

53. >> his customized bikes and edgy

54. metal sculptures brought in more

55. than enough coin for John's

56. needs,

57. what money didn't give him, his

58. sweet and twisted Tess did,

59. She knew how to push his

60. buttons,

61. >>

62. >> Somebody putting themselves

63. repeatedly in harm's way is

64. likely to be addicted to the

65. neurochemical bang they get,

66. >> Cook wanted more Bang for his

67. buck,

68. Tess obliged by attaching a

69. welding machine to his stainless

70. steel ear piercings,

71. But Tess would only take it so

72. far,

73. If John was really going to push

74. his envelope, he'd have to

75. deliver it himself,

76. >> the brain, the spinal cord,

77. and the heart use electricity in

78. which to function,

79. >> When 130 amps of raw current

80. rip through the body, the heart

81. is the first organ to short out,

82. >> If there is, um, a death from

83. an electric shock or from a

84. lightning strike, it's because

85. of cardiac arrest,

86. >> To anyone who knew John Cook,

87. his death came as no shock,

88. Chuck had a simple dream,

89. With Roxanne he scored the love

90. of his life,

91. Then he struck silver with a

92. 1952 royal spartanette trailer

93. home,

94. >> Perfect,

95. >> But before he went mobile, he

96. had to make his love shack

97. shine,

98. >> Baby, we are great together,

99. Here we go,

100. >> a dirty job, but not for

101. Chuck,

102. All he had to do was think of

103. motoring down the highway with

104. Roxanne by his side, and he was

105. the happiest Camper in a Camper,

106. >> Perfect,

107. One last thing,

108. >> And it wasn't pretty,

109. >> This is not working,

110. come on, baby,

111. >> It seems Chuck's new home was

112. carrying a heavy load,

113. , or loads,

114. >> Oh, what farm animal lived

115. here?

116. Oh!

117. >> 56 years worth of corn dogs,

118. pork rinds, and untold gallons

119. of cheap beer had solidified

120. into the mother of all logjams,

121. >> Uh, this is not working,

122. I've got just the thing,

123. >> chemical warfare was the only

124. answer,

125. Chuck poured a gallon of bleach

126. down the trailer's poop chute,

127. And waited,

128. From the darkness below came a

129. response,

130. >> Aah!

131. >> if you're pouring a gallon of

132. bleach into a septic tank that's

133. been sitting around a long time,

134. um, you're probably pouring it

135. into a solution that has

136. acidified over time,

137. >> Once the highly alkaline

138. bleach mixes with the acidic

139. sludge, it produces an explosion

140. of chlorine gas,

141. >> It's like a gas chamber,

142. essentially,

143. >>

144. >> overcome by lung-Searing

145. toxic fumes, Chuck went from

146. roadworthy to road kill,

147. >> All: Happy new year!

148. >> coming up,

149. a stray bullet that strayed too

150. far,

151. And a guy who really needed a

152. drink,

153. >> Aah,

154. >> bottoms up,

155. >> there's good luck, there's

156. bad luck, and then there's

157. Ronald,

158. >> Happy New year!

159. >> Imagine exiting a new year's

160. eve party with a hot date on

161. your arm and a night full of

162. possibilities in front of you,

163. >> So where's the next party at?

164. >> I think it's right down the

165. street,

166. >> Ow,

167. >> What happened?

168. >> Suddenly you feel a thud,

169. followed by a sharp, stinging

170. pain in your chest,

171. You fall down, and two minutes

172. later, you're dead,

173. >> Help!

174. >> That's what happened to our

175. friend Ronald,

176. It wasn't until after an autopsy

177. that the real reason for his

178. death was discovered,

179. >> Man, hurry up with them dogs,

180. man, they're taking you all

181. night,

182. >> In a neighborhood about a

183. kwami is getting his drink on

184. with his boys,

185. >> Here it goes,

186. 15 seconds,

187. 15 seconds,

188. >> And as the clock counts down

189. to midnight, kwami decides to

190. let loose,

191. >> All: Three, two, one!

192. Happy New year!

193. >> the bullet's gonna come out...

194. The muzzle velocity is somewhere

195. around 2,000 feet per second,

196. and it's probably gonna, you

197. know, go in the range of a half

198. a mile up into the air,

199. When it comes back down it's

200. going to reach terminal

201. velocity,

202. >> Ow,

203. Ow,

204. >> What happened?

205. What... is that blood?

206. >> Honey,

207. >> that bullet has more than

208. enough energy to penetrate

209. someone to do some really big

210. damage,

211. >> Hey!

212. Oh, my God,

213. >> It's a felony to fire a gun

214. into the air,

215. Stray bullets kill dozens of

216. americans every year,

217. The lesson: When the clock

218. strikes 12 on new year's eve,

219. >> ALL: Three, two, one!

220. >> duck,

221. >> All: Happy new year!

222. >> why is this man standing in

223. his bathroom doorway holding an

224. enema bag?

225. A simple question with a

226. complicated answer,

227. Mickey is a raging alcoholic

228. with a twist,

229. A recent throat operation has

230. left him unable to drink,

231. Clarissa, his long-Suffering

232. wife, has been doing her best to

233. keep him in line,

234. But she's no match for a

235. lifelong drunk going cold

236. turkey,

237. That brings us back to the enema

238. bag,

239. >> Alcoholics will go to extreme

240. lengths, drinking nail polish,

241. various things, just to get some

242. sort of alcohol in their body,

243. People will do all sorts of

244. things,

245. Mickey needed help with his Butt

246. bag cocktail,

247. At first, Clarissa resisted, but

248. he broke her down,

249. She rounded up a bottle of

250. Sherry, and dumped it into Mr,

251. Squishy,

252. >> Oh,

253. that's so cold,

254. >> The bar was now open,

255. And it's happy hour,

256. >> Damn, baby, this feels weird,

257. >> Is that enough?

258. Ugh,

259. >> the whole thing... Aah,

260. >> Oh,

261. >> ah, thank you,

262. Ah,

263. >> taking alcohol in the rectum,

264. um, it's very veinous,

265. There's a lot of, like, uh,

266. veins, so it can be absorbed

267. through the mucous membranes

268. inside the rectum,

269. Um, it goes into the system, but

270. it's gonna bypass the liver,

271. where it's normally broken down,

272. About 90% of alcohol is broken

273. down, when you drink, in the

274. liver,

275. >> Ooh,

276. Hold up, there, cowboy,

277. Are you okay?

278. >> Before he can get out of the

279. bathroom, Mickey is completely

280. hammered,

281. Clarissa beds him down, thinking

282. he'll sleep it off,

283. But not this time,

284. His blood alcohol level has shot

285. up to, 57,

286. >> Anything over, uh,40 and up

287. will cause coma and death,

288. >> Mickey's drinking days are

289. over,

290. Up next,

291. School's out early when the gym

292. teacher gets something in his

293. eye,

294. And S, W, M, Tries S & M and winds

295. up D, O, A,

296. O, M, F, g,

297. >> For those of us who made it

298. through high school, we're

299. blessed with a lifetime of fond

300. memories,

301. Remember being bored?

302. >>

303. >> being a nerd?

304. Remember Wondering why girls

305. didn't like you?

306. Best of all, remember the gym

307. teacher?

308. >> All right, you bunch of

309. misfits, I know it's hot, but we

310. have got some work to do,

311. >> Mr, Checkelsky here is a

312. classic example,

313. A blowhard with muscles,

314. >> Hey, listen up!

315. >> He can't believe the

316. collection of losers that stand

317. before him,

318. >> All right, come on, come on,

319. >> But he's got a job to DO:

320. Teach them how to throw a

321. javelin,

322. >> One hand, one hand,

323. Let's do it!

324. >> One by one, these special

325. olympians demonstrate the

326. results of bad diets and a

327. weakened Gene pool,

328. >> Come on,

329. This look like a musical to you?

330. What... what're you doing?

331. >> Finally Mr, Checkelsky's had

332. enough,

333. The time has come, as it always

334. does, for this alpha male to

335. prove his dominance,

336. >>, the tip goes forward,

337. >> Checkelsky was a good

338. athlete,

339. Displaying perfect form, he

340. gives a mighty heave, and lets

341. it fly,

342. >>

343. >> pretty impressive,

344. >> That's how you throw a

345. javelin,

346. >> If he wasn't such a blowhard,

347. he'd still be winning arm

348. wrestling bets at the local

349. sports bar,

350. But checkelsky forgot the one

351. lesson teachers have been

352. screaming for all eternity:

353. Pay attention,

354. >> And that's how you do it!

355. >> Both: Coach?

356. >> Coach?

357. Coach?

358. >> Coach,

359. Quit playing with us, coach,

360. >> Dude,

361. >> Coach,

362. >> Coach, what're you doing?

363. Oh!

364. >> Sick!

365. Oh, that's rough,

366. >> This probably went very quick

367. 'cause he probably would've lost

368. consciousness immediately,

369. In this case, it would've been

370. an aggressive, high-Impact

371. trauma,

372. Probably would've caused

373. bleeding,

374. That would've been the cause of

375. death,

376. A big hemorrhage into the brain

377. and death,

378. >> Dude, sick!

379. >> Dude,

380. >> Hey, don't take a picture,

381. >> Mr, Checkelsky's fatal error

382. cost him his life,

383. But one rule he followed to the

384. very end,

385. Keep your eye on the javelin,

386. Sam Rickey is a rarity,

387. A 32-year-Old virgin,

388. With his testicles going code

389. blue, he's gone to the red light

390. district for relief,

391. His house of love has a lot to

392. choose from,

393. Hmm,

394. Poca-Hot-Ass looks promising,

395. Can't go wrong with a French

396. maid,

397. >> You like?

398. >> Oh, yeah,

399. >> But when Sam gets to door

400. number three,

401. >> you've been a bad, bad boy,

402. >> His choice is made for him,

403. Miss misery has the answer to

404. all his needs,

405. >>

406. >> as long as he obeys,

407. >> Shut up!

408. You will now do as I say,

409. >> Sam loves it,

410. He's itching with excitement,

411. Actually, he's itching for

412. another reason,

413. Sam never knew, but he has a

414. severe allergy to latex,

415. Just like an allergy to a Bee

416. sting or peanuts, if your immune

417. system doesn't like something,

418. it tells you,

419. >> Stop it!

420. >> Sam realizes something's

421. wrong,

422. Miss misery's been at this game

423. for a while, but she's rarely

424. seen any sub enjoy himself so

425. much,

426. She likes a good response, and

427. gives Sam her best stuff,

428. >>

429. >> cry!

430. Cry!

431. Cry, baby, cry!

432. Cry!

433. Let me hear it!

434. >>

435. >> it is incredibly possible

436. that she thought that he was

437. having a lot of fun and that was

438. his reaction,

439. I mean, when you play with

440. someone for the first time, you

441. honestly don't know what the

442. other person is capable of,

443. >> Totally immobilized by

444. chains, bound, and gagged, Sam

445. can't tell miss misery anything,

446. >> Shut up!

447. >>

448. >> I said shut up!

449. >> Under the suit, Sam's

450. breaking out into hives all over

451. his body,

452. His eyes are burning, every inch

453. of his skin is covered in a

454. Rash,

455. >> Are we having fun yet?

456. >>

457. >> This was probably a very

458. severe form of latex allergy,

459. It was quick and to the point,

460. If you could not get that

461. gentleman out of that suit

462. within seconds to minutes, there

463. would not have been anything to

464. do,

465. >> Finally, Sam goes into

466. anaphylactic shock,

467. Anaphylactic shock is the body's

468. response to a severe allergy,

469. >>

470. >> blood pressure drops rapidly,

471. the heart rate slows, and

472. eventually stops, causing

473. complete circulatory arrest,

474. Unable to escape, the gimp goes

475. limp and dies,

476. When we come back, a hawaiian

477. vacation hits the rocks when a

478. swimmer goes down and never

479. comes up,

480. >> In the winter of 1993, while

481. vacationing in hawaii, tourist

482. Hugh Alexander was swept off a

483. slick volcanic cliff by a

484. 700-Ton rogue wave,

485. While Hugh struggled to stay

486. afloat, another monster Wave

487. washed him into a moi hole... a

488. natural tunnel,

489. This one stretches more than 60

490. feet under the island,

491. >> It's pitch black-Dark, so you

492. have no idea where you're going,

493. There's no air, you know, it's

494. all water, and it keeps going up

495. and down like a washing machine,

496. and it's... It's dangerous,

497. >> When the water finally

498. receded, Hugh was nowhere to be

499. seen,

500. Rescuers arrived expecting to

501. extract a lifeless body,

502. A jet ski specially equipped to

503. save distressed swimmers is

504. dispatched,

505. >> Look down in the moi,

506. >> An hour passes with no sign

507. of Hugh,

508. As rescuers begin to give up

509. hope, Hugh suddenly appears

510. after being sucked back out by

511. the vicious undertow,

512. The lifeguards don't miss their

513. chance,

514. They circle the jet ski near

515. enough to Hugh so he can grab

516. the flotation device,

517. >> After emergency triage on the

518. beach, Hugh is medevacked to a

519. local hospital,

520. Miraculously, he only suffered

521. minor scrapes and bruises,

522. >> I guess he has a purpose in

523. this life and he wasn't supposed

524. to go yet,

525. >> There might be 1,000 ways to

526. die, but on this day, against

527. all odds, Hugh found a way to

528. live,