1000 Ways to Die 1x2

1. >> Death is flying in and it's

2. never been hotter, weirder, or

3. just wrong,

4. We've got a smoker who wound up

5. getting flamed,

6. >>

7. >> a beautiful dreamer who

8. couldn't wake up,

9. A pool shark that's hard to

10. swallow,

11. Peeping perverts, the ultimate

12. late night snack,

13. And to top it off, freaks in

14. Animal suits doing the wild

15. thing,

16. If you're not breathing hard and

17. sweating after all of this,

18. check your pulse,

19. You might already be dead,

20. Death is everywhere,

21. Most of us try to avoid it,

22. Others can't get out of its way,

23. every day we fight a new war

24. against germs,

25. toxins,

26. injury,

27. illness,

28. and catastrophe,

29. There's a lot of ways to wind up

30. dead,

31. The fact that we survive at all

32. is a Miracle,

33. Because every day we live, we

34. face 1000 ways to die,

35. You wouldn't know it by looking

36. at him, but Myron burns is a

37. very lucky man,

38. A few weeks ago he was found

39. barely alive with third Degree

40. burns over 90% of his body,

41. He had fallen asleep while

42. smoking in bed,

43. >> I think we've all been around

44. people who... "I gotta have a

45. smoke, I gotta have a smoke,

46. I gotta have a smoke,"

47. They're not the most fun to be

48. around,

49. Are they gonna be making really

50. clear, focused decisions?

51. Probably not,

52. >> He bribed the night nurse 100

53. bucks to leave him out back, no

54. questions asked,

55. >> Okay, Mr, Burns, you have two

56. minutes,

57. Don't do anything stupid,

58. >> Once out of sight, Myron

59. produces a hidden cigarette,

60. His addiction to nicotine has

61. made him a desperate man,

62. Nicotine is a super toxin,

63. Three times deadlier than

64. arsenic and more lethal than

65. rattlesnake venom,

66. This cigarette is about to bite

67. Myron here right in the ash,

68. The cigarette ash carries just

69. enough of a spark to ignite his

70. bandages, which are soaked in

71. Highly flammable ointment,

72. Helpless, Myron bursts into

73. flame and starts rolling down

74. the handicap ramp,

75. >>

76. >> at the bottom of the ramp,

77. his oxygen tank explodes,

78. Myron goes out in a blaze of

79. gory,

80. >> Fourth degree burn is a burn

81. that goes all the way through to

82. the bone,

83. That's really tragic,

84. I mean teeth are recognizable

85. maybe if you're lucky,

86. Dental records,

87. But the patient's complete

88. physiognomy is gone,

89. You can even have pulverizing of

90. the bone if it continues to

91. burn,

92. >> Hey, Buddy, got a light?

93. Alexi had the kind of looks Any

94. guy or Gal would kill for,

95. But she'd trade it all in for

96. something most take for granted:

97. A good night's sleep,

98. But every night she would have

99. the same nightmare,

100. A creature would appear and try

101. to suffocate her,

102. >>

103. >> this type of recurring

104. nightmare is called SUNDS:

105. It involves a nocturnal visit of

106. an evil being that threatens to

107. press the very life out of the

108. dreamer,

109. Since 1977, more than 100 have

110. died from this mysterious sleep

111. disorder,

112. >>

113. >> no,

114. >> If you were a fly on alexi's

115. wall, you would see the bizarre

116. sight of this beautiful woman,

117. alone in her bed, being

118. violently choked and thrashed

119. within an inch of her life,

120. But it was nothing but the

121. baddest of bad dreams,

122. >> No,

123. >> Unable to wake up, alexi was

124. being frightened to the point

125. where her heart was beating

126. erratically, a fatal condition

127. called cardiac arrhythmia,

128. >>

129. >> the fiendish little person

130. sat on her chest, wrapped his

131. tiny little hands around her

132. throat, and squeezed with all

133. his might,

134. She died in her sleep,

135. Cause of death: Heart attack,

136. They say if you die in a dream,

137. you die for real,

138. If we could only ask alexi if

139. this were True,

140. But she never woke up from her

141. frightmare,

142. Maybe we should ask the dwarf,

143. >>

144. >> next up, when nature calls,

145. >> get out of here, you freak!

146. >> No one gets out alive,

147. And Mr, Peepers goes for broke,

148. >> James "Little e" Johnson

149. was hardly what you would call a

150. model citizen,

151. >> Screw!

152. You about the ugliest damn guard

153. I ever seen in my life,

154. That's right, boy,

155. You gonna be hearing my voice

156. for the rest of your damn life,

157. Better pray they kill me,

158. >> on death row for seven counts

159. of murder,

160. >> you hear me?

161. >> It was days before His

162. scheduled execution in the

163. electric chair,

164. >> What's up with that daughter

165. of yours, man?

166. I'm feeling kind of lonely in

167. here,

168. Why don't you bring her on down?

169. >> Little e abused everyone in

170. his path, including his public

171. defender, Frank stone,

172. That's why when Frank dropped by

173. With some good news for his

174. client, he wasn't happy,

175. >> Look, I'm here to tell you

176. your sentence has been changed

177. to life without parole,

178. You got that, you scum?

179. >> Hey, Mr, Lawyer-Man, baby,

180. where you going?

181. That's good news,

182. Hey, bring your wife, man,

183. We could all celebrate,

184. Little e celebrated his luck by

185. indulging in his favorite cell

186. Watching oprahwhile

187. Sitting on his state-Issued

188. full-Metal crapper,

189. But he would soon learn that

190. Karma is less fickle than the

191. law,

192. >> son of a,

193. >> when little e grabbed the

194. frayed wire to fix the tv, he

195. accidentally turned his throne

196. into an electric chair,

197. >> I think this inmate that sat

198. on the metal seat has really set

199. him up to optimally conduct as

200. much Electricity through his

201. body as possible,

202. Something like 100 milliamps

203. that's put across the heart can

204. actually knock your heart out of

205. rhythm and cause you to have

206. sudden cardiac death,

207. Most certainly he died of a

208. cardiac arrhythmia,

209. >> The 110-Volt current Passing

210. through his skin and grounding

211. to the metal toilet seat was

212. more than enough to fry little

213. e,

214. The hot juice stopped his heart

215. cold,

216. The bottom LINE: Karma is a

217. bitch, and when she comes back

218. at you, there's no escape,

219. This is Randy,

220. He's out of his gourd,

221. He ate a handful of magic

222. mushrooms and now he's wandering

223. around the desert higher than a

224. Kite,

225. >>

226. >> when this guy ate the

227. mushrooms, there was probably a

228. compound called psilocybin

229. present in them,

230. And your body converts that to

231. psilocin, which is actually

232. what's responsible for the

233. hallucinogenic effect,

234. >>

235. >> He asked the bushes for an

236. answer, and got nothing,

237. >> I know,

238. >> He got in touch with his

239. inner dog and got dirty,

240. To anyone not tripping out on

241. mushrooms, Randy would appear to

242. be completely insane,

243. >>

244. >> and then things got really

245. weird,

246. >>

247. >> at the end of the day, Randy

248. came upon a group of fornicating

249. furries,

250. >>

251. >> what's a furry?

252. People who like to put on animal

253. costumes and get together for

254. fun things like group sex,

255. >> A furry orgy is often known

256. as a fur pile,

257. We summon our spirit animals,

258. and whatever happens Next is

259. whatever, you know, naturally

260. will happen,

261. >>

262. >> in Randy's state of mind, sex

263. seemed like a great idea,

264. The zebra looked kind of cute,

265. >> Hey, get your hands off of

266. me!

267. >> This Orgy was turning tricky,

268. Instead of a threesome with the

269. zebra and the cute Beaver, maybe

270. it was time to squeeze some

271. honey out of miss Bunny,

272. >> Yeah!

273. >> But the cock shooed Randy

274. away with his pecker,

275. >> He most likely wouldn't be

276. welcome if he was just any old

277. dude,

278. Especially if he was a dude,

279. It's just, like, who is this guy

280. who's coming into my kingdom?

281. >> Get outta here, you freak!

282. >> It looked like Randy would

283. get no love from the animal

284. kingdom, when all of a sudden,

285. there she was,

286. A sultry little furry in a

287. Teddy,

288. Randy knew he was about to get

289. smokey with mama bear,

290. It turns out Randy got freaky

291. with the wrong furry,

292. It was a real live bear, and it

293. wasn't into casual sex with a

294. human,

295. >>

296. >> the bear looked at him as an

297. aggressor,

298. The bear took it as an attack,

299. not as a game,

300. >> Ah... Ah!

301. >> And once they're on top of

302. you with all four paws around

303. you, they'll just start biting

304. and start eating,

305. And the worst part about it is

306. normally they start eating

307. before you're dead,

308. >> Let's recap what we've

309. learned from Randy's gruesome

310. death,

311. >>

312. >> This is your brain,

313. This is your brain on drugs,

314. and This is a bear ripping out

315. your throat after you try to

316. have sex with it while you were

317. high on drugs,

318. The lesson?

319. When nature calls, just say no,

320. >>

321. >> coming up, choke turns to

322. croak when a barroom trick goes

323. bad,

324. >> Spit it out, man!

325. >> Spit it out!

326. >> And hot turns cold when a

327. perv gets too bold,

328. >> Aah!

329. >> Oh, my god!

330. >> Call 9-1-1!

331. >> 9-1-1 won't be any help here,

332. >>

333. >> a lot of guys have died on

334. barroom floors, But Sonny Hughes

335. checked out like no other,

336. Rack 'em up,

337. It was a typical night out for

338. this bunch of bikers and their

339. chicks,

340. Sonny had a reputation for being

341. the craziest dude on the street,

342. So when his homies started

343. calling out,

344. "Hey, Sonny!

345. Hey, Sonny!

346. Do the trick, brother!

347. Do the trick, man!"

348. >>

349. >> even though it was dangerous,

350. Sonny couldn't say no,

351. >> Sonny! Sonny!

352. >> Certain people are more apt

353. to be risk takers, to be

354. aggressive, to be less hemmed in

355. by possible negative

356. consequences,

357. >> Sonny!

358. Yeah!

359. >> Sonny's trick was a real

360. crowd-Pleaser,

361. He'd take a pool ball, jam it in

362. his big mouth, and swallow it

363. halfway down his throat,

364. Using his throat muscles, he'd

365. roll the ball up and down his

366. gullet,

367. >> Oh!

368. >> Man!

369. >> Then he'd squeeze the pool

370. ball back up and out his mouth,

371. >> Yeah, Sonny!

372. >>

373. >> you can swallow things

374. either all the way down in the

375. stomach or just hold them in the

376. back of your throat,

377. >> Oh!

378. >> It's a pretty cool thing but

379. it's really, really dangerous,

380. >> But he decided to go for

381. round two,

382. And this time he picked up the

383. cue ball,

384. >> Sonny!

385. >> Bad move, Sonny,

386. He got the ball down his throat,

387. >> why is it so low?

388. >> But when he tried to squeeze

389. it back up, that's when things

390. turned ugly,

391. >> Spit it out!

392. >> Somebody call 9-1-1!

393. >> Spit it out!

394. >> No matter how hard he tried,

395. Sonny was unable to force the

396. cue ball back up,

397. >> He's turning blue, man!

398. >> Sonny didn't realize on a

399. barroom pool table, the cue ball

400. is a little larger than the

401. others,

402. This allows it to be fed down a

403. return shoot after a scratch to

404. continue play,

405. When Sonny fed the larger cue

406. Ball down his shoot, it stayed

407. down,

408. He had performed This trick 100

409. times before,

410. >> Spit it out!

411. >> He died without ever finding

412. out why this time it didn't

413. work,

414. >> Sonny, get up!

415. Hey, norm, call 9-1-1!

416. >> there's nothing like a full

417. moon to bring out the freaks,

418. Say hello to Arnold Moss,

419. When Arnold freaks, he peeps

420. into windows,

421. >> Oh,

422. >> Something about looking in on

423. a girl while you're masturbating

424. that is better than a sexual

425. experience, I guess, for me,

426. I don't know why,

427. It seems like the climax will be

428. faster,

429. >> Arnold couldn't believe his

430. luck,

431. He had never seen anyone make

432. love to a refrigerator before,

433. >> Ohh!

434. >> Best way to enjoy that, you'd

435. have to be able to be

436. masturbating for me,

437. >> Oh, my God,

438. >> You'd want to be

439. masturbating, but you don't want

440. to be caught,

441. You don't want some neighbor

442. yelling "Hey, what are you

443. doing?"

444. so you gotta try to hide,

445. You gotta be in good view,

446. You know you want to get a good

447. shot of that and try not to make

448. any noise so she doesn't hear

449. you,

450. >> During the day, Arnold was an

451. introverted wimp,

452. He would never have the guts to

453. go up to a woman this hot,

454. >> Oh,

455. >> But tonight, he wasthe

456. Popsicle,

457. >>

458. >> Oh, yeah,

459. >> Arnold was so aroused, he

460. broke the number one rule for a

461. peeping PERV: Stay outside the

462. window,

463. >> Best day of my life,

464. >> But he had lost control,

465. He leaned in too far,

466. Susu went cuckoo,

467. >> Aah!

468. >> And it all came crashing

469. down,

470. right on Arnold's pencil-Thin

471. neck,

472. In the heat of the moment, his

473. elbow jerked back, knocking out

474. a stake holding up the window,

475. The window came down and severed

476. his spinal cord Between Discs

477. c2 and c3,

478. This is where nerves go out to

479. control basic body functions

480. such as breathing and blood

481. pressure,

482. When this connection was broken,

483. death was instantaneous,

484. Arnold finally learned his

485. lesson,

486. It's not cool to peep on people,

487. You're breaking the law,

488. And like Arnold here,

489. >> aah!

490. >> Your neck,

491. up next, a pilot's life comes

492. Crashing down when his chopper

493. goes from flying,

494. >> Oh, my god, my god!

495. >> To falling,

496. >> Oh, my god!

497. Oh, my god!

498. >> A helicopter is basically a

499. flying gearbox,

500. If any one of the components

501. fail, it plunges to the ground,

502. killing all on board,

503. That's what happened to

504. helicopter pilot Ben Moore while

505. lifting a 7,000-Pound air

506. conditioner,

507. Ben, in front of his friends and

508. coworkers, then plunged

509. head-first to a certain death,

510. >> Oh, my god!

511. Oh, my god!

512. Oh, my god!

513. >> Grandpa, you stay here,

514. >> I had a feeling...

515. A feeling...

516. >> I'm recording,

517. I'm recording,

518. >>

519. >> But fate had a different plan

520. for Ben Moore,

521. Against all odds, he lived to

522. tell the tail of the crash that

523. should've killed him,

524. >> Well our mission that day was

525. that I was going to change out a

526. cooling tower,

527. And just as I began to get about

528. even with the building, uh,

529. is when I heard the loud bang,

530. um, and a thump,

531. >> The drive shaft to the tail

532. rotor snaps, and Ben's

533. helicopter begins to spin out of

534. control,

535. He immediately jettisons the

536. heavy load,

537. >> I tried to maneuver over to

538. our prearranged emergency

539. landing spot,

540. >> The only way to land a

541. helicopter with a broken tail

542. rotor is to shut down the engine

543. to stop it from spinning out of

544. control,

545. It's called a hovering

546. autorotation,

547. >> Basically, take the engines

548. out, and then use whatever

549. inertia is left in those blades

550. to act as a cushion,

551. >> The pilot only gets one

552. chance,

553. Just before impact, he must yank

554. his controls to produce maximum

555. Lift from his flailing rotors,

556. >> I probably started the

557. maneuver about 50 feet too high,

558. So at about 40 feet, I ran out

559. of rpm and all those options

560. that I wanted to do,

561. And at that point I said to

562. myself, "Well, this is death,"

563. >> Oh!

564. >> Oh, my god!

565. Oh, my god!

566. Oh, my god!

567. >> When I hit, the helmet I'm

568. wearing, goggles and everything,

569. take the impact,

570. Had a really nasty cut on my

571. nose,

572. I actually flayed it open,

573. >> Ben's helicopter plunged

574. face first,

575. Nobody who witnessed the

576. incident believed that anyone

577. would survive this kind of

578. impact,

579. >> For whatever reason, the lord

580. decided that that wasn't my day,

581. It certainly wasn't up to me at

582. that point,

583. >> Ben Moore is living proof

584. death doesn't want you,

585. >> Oh, my god!

586. >> Unless it's your time to die,

587. ♪ ♪

588. >> it's original,