Trailer Park Boys 2x4

1. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

2. Pss, pss, pss, pss. Here, kitty, kitty.

3. This here's my shed right here.

4. I've been living in these most of my life.

5. Lot cheaper than a fucking trailer.

6. Come on in.

7. Got everything I need here and keep all my stuff up there.

8. Do all my cooking.

9. Everything I need.

10. And this here is my pride and joy.

11. That's a 1961 electrobubble.

12. Antique.

13. Works like a charm, too.

14. Every kitty I ever met loves these things.

15. What's wrong, Daisy?

16. Usually, they're swatting at them.

17. It freaks them out, but...

18. Something's wrong with Daisy.

19. Daisy! Come here, Daisy.

20. What's wrong?

21. Boys!

22. Watch the carts!

23. Bubbles, this guy's no good.

24. He's lazy. He's sleeping around.

25. And he's not protecting the plants.

26. Well, a dope trailer is no place for a kitty,

27. that's why!

28. I raise these things to play with string and people,

29. not fucking guard dope plants from squirrels.

30. He smells like dope!

31. Bubs, listen, you know how important this is, all right?

32. We lost six good plants to squirrels last week.

33. I got squirrels peeing in the plants, bubbles.

34. They're digging them up. I can't have that.

35. All you guys think about is dope.

36. Bubbles, listen, I've got prison guards waiting

37. to buy all of our weed off us.

38. We're gonna double, maybe even triple our money.

39. This is the big time, man!

40. Just find me another cat, please, to protect the plants.

41. Shh, shh, shh.

42. Stay right here and don't say a word, guys.

43. What are you doing, Rick?

44. Fuckers!

45. Fuck off with the gun!

46. Fucking squirrels.

47. Basically, I need cats to protect my weed plants.

48. Otherwise, I have to be there 24 hours a day

49. watching over them because you get squirrels

50. fucking around, breaking into the trailer.

51. They fuck over your weed plants.

52. If you got a cat there, it's not a hard job for a cat

53. to keep the fucking squirrels away from your plants.

54. These might be just cats to you, Ricky,

55. but these are my fucking family.

56. Show them a little respect.

57. You try growing up on your own,

58. living in a fucking shed all by yourself

59. and nobody to fucking talk to, be nice to.

60. This is the only thing I have that didn't judge me

61. or call me a big googly-eyed bastard.

62. Well, me, with me and kitties,

63. it's kind of like that book "catcher in the rye."

64. Did you ever read that one?

65. I'm kind of like the guy

66. that looks out for all the kitties in the park.

67. Otherwise there'd be nobody to take care of them.

68. Like this cocksucker here — I found him in a storm drain.

69. Fucking name spray-painted on him

70. and burdocks all fucking stuck to him.

71. But I cleaned him all up, and look at him.

72. That's one fucking nice kitty right there.

73. In this type of employment,

74. sometimes there can be a little stress

75. 'cause you don't know what's gonna happen.

76. And right now, we got a lot riding on this dope.

77. Things are going really smoothly,

78. and I just don't want anything to get fucked up,

79. so I get a little stressed out sometimes

80. when I'm growing product.

81. Fuck, man, we got a major situation here.

82. Is it, what, the squirrels again?

83. It's not squirrels, man.

84. This is much bigger than fucking squirrels.

85. Look at these little black specks.

86. What are they?

87. Look at that fucking thing.

88. What the hell is that?

89. Fuck, you know what's going on here?

90. - What? - Dope-eating insects, man.

91. There gonna fucking wipe out the whole crop.

92. Just like happened to me in grade 7, remember that?

93. Ricky, this can't be happening, all right?

94. - It's fucking happening. - Our first delivery is in three weeks.

95. Cocksuckers.

96. Oh, fuck!

97. Hey, hey. What's going on?

98. What the fuck do you idiots want?

99. Come on.

100. What's that smell?

101. Smells like marijuana to me, boys.

102. Probably 'cause you guys were smoking dope,

103. playing video games all fucking night,

104. and it's all over your clothes.

105. If you did a bit of laundry, you wouldn't smell dope, would you?

106. Let's cut to the chase, Rick.

107. There will be no jeopardization of the people in this park.

108. Do you understand that?

109. No.

110. What do you think your probation officer would do

111. if I called him and told him you were firing off guns

112. and growing dope in the park?

113. Probably say, "knock, knock." You'd say, "who's there?"

114. And he'd say, "a fucking idiot," and tell you to fuck off.

115. - That's what I'd do. - Listen — Rick. Jim.

116. We've had a little bit of a rodent problem here lately,

117. all right?

118. We may have used a little excessive force here and there,

119. but I'm gonna take care of it, all right?

120. You don't got to call the cops, Jim.

121. You've got my word on this, all right?

122. Guys, this is a safety issue.

123. No gunfire in the park, not even weekends, no exceptions.

124. I'm cool with that.

125. Written warning.

126. In triplicate.

127. What the fuck is this shit?

128. Consider this strike two.

129. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

130. Here, kitty, kitty.

131. Hey, bubs. What are you up to?

132. Just looking for snap Jacks and grumpy face.

133. Have you seen them?

134. No, but I'll keep an eye out. See you later, bubs.

135. See you. Here, kitty, kitty.

136. This guy's pulse is a little slow, but...

137. Nose is dry.

138. His belly doesn't feel right.

139. Could be anything.

140. But something in this fucking park that's doing it,

141. I know that.

142. Hey!

143. I'm gonna have to ask you to turn off the engine.

144. Exit the vehicle, please.

145. This is an official warning.

146. No more littering in sunnyvale, Sam.

147. Yeah, don't you care about this park?

148. Jerks litter, Sam. Jerks.

149. That's not littering.

150. That's organic material, which makes it composting.

151. Now, I'm gonna be taste-testing a few hot dogs

152. over the next couple of days, and you girls...

153. Are just gonna have to learn to live with it.

154. I see.

155. Reality check.

156. I'm gonna be running this park, and when I am,

157. I have one first and foremost priority.

158. What's that?

159. To get rid of you two fairies.

160. Now flutter away.

161. I got a hot date, and I gots to get ready.

162. He can't get rid of us. Can he, Mr. lahey?

163. Randy, Sam lives in a camper.

164. People who live in campers don't run anything.

165. I know I'm not supposed to talk to Sam losco,

166. that greasy bastard, but he used to be a veterinarian,

167. so I'm thinking, maybe,

168. if he's got any fucking nice bones in his body,

169. he would tell me how to fix these kitties.

170. Uh-oh, doesn't look good, bubbles.

171. What do you mean?

172. Looks like the onset of rabies.

173. This cat's days are numbered!

174. What?

175. Oh, here, you better put that thing in quarantine, bud.

176. And get the fuck off my land, too.

177. They're everywhere! Like little "piranhagus."

178. It's piranha, Rick.

179. That's what I said, piranhagus. They're fucking taking over.

180. Well, are they on all the plants or what?

181. Fuck! Except the six in the bathroom.

182. Those are cool.

183. All right, we'll take the six good ones.

184. We'll isolate them somewhere. We'll put them in my trailer.

185. We can't put them in your trailer.

186. It's probably contaminated, too, man.

187. They get on your clothes and stuff.

188. This is a fucking nightmare.

189. Hey, guys!

190. Hey, treena.

191. This isn't a very good time, treena, okay?

192. Sorry. I just wanted to wish Ricky good luck on his grade 10.

193. Thanks, treena.

194. Treena's all gung ho about me getting my grade 10.

195. I don't want to let her down, and to be honest,

196. I kind of wouldn't mind getting my grade 10 anyway,

197. because then I could talk to people better,

198. and maybe then I'll understand

199. what people are saying all the time.

200. Right now I don't, but the other thing is,

201. it's a catch-23 situation, because I got something

202. fucking around with my dope plants right now.

203. And not only that, but julian's saying,

204. "you should be growing dope.

205. Don't worry about stupid grade 10."

206. Well, it's easy for him to say. He's already got his grade 10.

207. We've got less than a month here.

208. You got to get your priorities straight.

209. We're gonna sell the dope first,

210. then you're gonna take your grade 10, okay, you got it?

211. Hey, bubbles.

212. Julian, does that Sam guy know anything about cats?

213. We'll, he's a vet. Probably. Why?

214. Because some of my cats are sick,

215. and he said they're not gonna make it.

216. Sam's an idiot. Don't listen to that goof.

217. Well, you're good at figuring things out.

218. Come help me.

219. He can't right now. He's figuring something else out.

220. We got a major situation here, bubbles.

221. Listen, we got weed plants dying in here, bubbles.

222. I got to figure out a way to save them, all right?

223. When I'm finished with that, I'm gonna help you out,

224. if I have time.

225. Do you understand me?

226. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I understand, Julian.

227. Bubbles, don't be like that.

228. I'll talk to you in a bit, bubbles.

229. No, no.

230. Come on, Rick.

231. Bastards.

232. Why don't you guys just go to the library

233. and get some books on horticulture?

234. "Horviculture"?

235. Books on plants, Ricky.

236. Oh, I get it. Treena, that's a great idea.

237. Julian, books have stuff recorded down

238. all over the years from people, and if we could find a book

239. with someone that had similar problems,

240. just take what they wrote down in the book

241. and make it — ah, motherfuck!

242. Sorry, treena.

243. Take what they wrote down and make it ours.

244. Did you get your library card, Ricky?

245. Not a good time, treena.

246. I've got my own library card now, and that's pretty cool.

247. I've never had a library card before.

248. So, you know, I think it's great.

249. Julian just needs to chill out a bit.

250. Now we can go to the library and get a book on horviculture.

251. So, I just wish he'd chill out

252. and let me get my fucking grade 10,

253. 'cause I'm gonna get my fucking grade 10, Mark my words.

254. He's fucked in the head.

255. I can't believe we got to deal with this shit.

256. Let's just hurry up, Ricky.

257. Can I help you?

258. We're looking for some books on horviculture.

259. I think you mean horticulture.

260. That's what I said.

261. No, no, you said "horviculture."

262. It's pronounced "horticulture."

263. Well, I'm really impressed with the way you know english, okay?

264. You work in a school. I don't. I'm fucking trying here.

265. I'm gonna get my grade 10 and get my brain working better.

266. I'm just sick of people correcting me on this shit.

267. Okay, he's just coming back to school, okay.

268. I need a book.

269. What do you think you're doing?

270. You put that out right now!

271. You can't even smoke in here anymore?

272. Put that out. Excuse me.

273. For fuck's sakes.

274. You can't smoke in jail. You can't smoke in schools.

275. I need — don't listen to him.

276. He's a little confused, all right?

277. I'm looking for a book on horticulture.

278. This is an emergency. Could you please help me out?

279. Where can I find one?

280. They're on the top shelf, by the 700.

281. Man, books make it so much easier

282. to understand, like, really hard thinking and stuff.

283. They make it a lot clearer.

284. Holy fuck, man. Here it is!

285. Look at this. This guy had some sick plants,

286. and all he did was he fucking...

287. Quar— he quarant—

288. he "quantratined" them.

289. So, we just got to quantratine the plants, man.

290. Ricky, where's that? Where does it say that?

291. Right fucking over there.

292. Quarantine. All right, we got to quarantine the plants.

293. - That's what I said. - Ricky, watch the road!

294. I am watching it. We're cool, man.

295. All right, here we go. All right.

296. We've got to find another parasite

297. that's gonna feed off these little parasites.

298. What does that mean? A parasite?

299. Oh, there's a picture of it right there.

300. They're spider mites.

301. Spider mites? Oh, man! That's not good, Julian.

302. Those little cocksuckers, they'll kill everything, man.

303. I heard about those fucking things — they're nasty.

304. Just a second. Chill out.

305. Okay, it says here to use ladybugs.

306. - Ladybugs eat spider mites. - Ladybugs?

307. No way!

308. Watch the road, Ricky.

309. You're fucking scaring the shit out of me here.

310. That's it, man — ladybugs.

311. Where the fuck are we gonna get some ladybugs?

312. I'll get some ladybugs, man. Don't worry about it.

313. We got to take these healthy plants

314. and move them to another location.

315. And the only person we could trust is bubbles,

316. so we just figured we'd move them into his shed,

317. and everything should have been fine.

318. Bubbles, you know, he shouldn't have really cared about it.

319. But the big fuck-up was having Trevor and Cory involved again.

320. What else is new? Because they fuck everything up.

321. Cory.

322. Oh, shit!

323. Here, put that on the bed.

324. Let's go — smokes.

325. Don't fuck that up, either.

326. What are you doing?

327. Wiring up the hydro lights, man.

328. Yeah, dude, it's just like doing a car stereo.

329. Do it all the time.

330. What are you using masking tape for?

331. That's all we have, man.

332. These are not supposed to be there.

333. You got to fucking take that off,

334. put this one right here like that.

335. What are you doing?

336. I don't think that's right, Ricky.

337. Oh, believe me, I know what I'm doing.

338. I've been boosting power for years, you dummies.

339. Is it all set or what?

340. It's ready to go now, yeah.

341. All right. Cory, Trevor —

342. - I think there's one more wire. - Hey, hey, hey.

343. I want you guys to collect

344. as many ladybugs as you can, all right?

345. Ricky, you're gonna help supervise.

346. I'm not hanging out with these dicks.

347. Just do it, all right?

348. I got to go talk to bubbles so he doesn't freak out

349. when he comes home and finds a garden growing in his shed.

350. Hurry up.

351. Uh, probably not yet.

352. Shut up! Turn it on!

353. I don't —

354. that's another reason I want to get my grade 10.

355. I'm sick of being bossed around

356. and working with Cory and Trevor, the idiots.

357. If I get my grade 10, then I'll be kind of

358. like an equaller person to Julian,

359. up on his leveler thinking kind of train,

360. and then I won't be able to be bossed around so much.

361. So I'm getting my fucking grade 10.

362. Then he can go collect fucking ladybugs instead of me.

363. What's the deal with ladybugs, anyway?

364. Are they all girls or are some of them boys?

365. They're all female, you fucking idiots.

366. That's why they're called ladybugs.

367. Fuck, you guys are dumb!

368. Are you gonna just sit here, or are you gonna fucking help me?

369. There's like 50 right here,

370. and you're just sitting there on your asses!

371. Check out this ladybug, Ricky.

372. That's not a ladybug. It's a caterpillar.

373. Will it work?

374. No, it won't work. I need ladybugs.

375. Do you want it in the box?

376. No, what I want is for you to give me two smokes right now,

377. because you're so fucking stupid.

378. Well, bubbles.

379. All roads lead right...

380. There.

381. My kitties never used to come up that far.

382. How's it going, bubbles?

383. Listen, I got to talk to you for a second.

384. Not right now, Julian. Look, we tracked the cats right there.

385. They're over at sam's,

386. going through that greasy bastard's garbage.

387. Let's check it out, then.

388. That's disgusting!

389. That's what's been making your cats sick, bubbles.

390. They've been eating greasy hot dogs all day.

391. Old hot dogs and kitties don't mix.

392. I warned losco about litter.

393. He doesn't realize what he's up against.

394. He's about to enter the shit tornado to oz.

395. That makes Sam Dorothy, right, Mr. lahey?

396. Right, Randy.

397. Anyway, let's get those kitties.

398. Mr. lahey, look!

399. That smoke's coming from julian's!

400. Let's move, everyone!

401. What the fuck is that?

402. Can I get that?

403. - Holy fuck, boys. - What?

404. That smoke's coming from julian's!

405. Damn!

406. What the fuck happened?

407. Julian, Ricky, what the fuck did you guys do to my shed?

408. I don't know what happened, bubbles,

409. but we can probably rebuild. It's no big deal.

410. No big deal?

411. Take a look around, Ricky. I fucking lost everything!

412. What's this, an electrical panel here?

413. Do you have wiring in this place, bubbles?

414. Yeah, apparently I had some installed today.

415. Cory and Trevor hooked that up.

416. I don't know what the fuck they did.

417. Oh, that's bullshit, dude.

418. Smart, boys. Real smart.

419. Trevor, Cory, one more smartass prank like this,

420. and you're out of this trailer park!

421. - Come on! - It wasn't our fault, Mr. lahey.

422. - We wired it right. - It wasn't your fault?

423. Whose fault was it, then?

424. You guys are so fucking stupid.

425. I can't believe you burnt down bubbles' shed.

426. Yeah, man, that was weak, man.

427. Played yourselves, suckers.

428. Well, I think that's yours, Ricky.

429. Stupid — stupid fucking dope plants.

430. They're not dope plants.

431. It was just some vegetables we were growing.

432. Oh, yeah, yeah, I fucking believe that, Ricky.

433. Oh, for fuck's sakes!

434. Look at that.

435. That's my fucking bubble maker!

436. That was the only thing I had that my parents gave me

437. before they fucking deserted me in this shed,

438. which I don't have anymore.

439. Now it's just a big melted fucking glop of shit.

440. Bubbles, bubbles. Just a sec.

441. Listen, I'm real sorry about this, bubbles, all right?

442. - I'm really fucking sorry. - We'll make it up to you.

443. We're gonna build you another shed, me and Rick.

444. It's gonna be better than that one.

445. What the fuck am I gonna put in it, boys?

446. Everything I had in the world was in there.

447. Now it's all gone because of you two.

448. You guys go back to growing dope, which is what you do best.

449. And that's what's fucking important to you, obviously.

450. I'm sorry, bubbles.

451. Come on, Daisy.

452. Come on, Daisy.

453. Let's find somewhere to live.

454. Can you guys stop filming me, do you think?

455. Fuck!

456. Nice work, boys.

457. The worst part about this is that the only six good plants

458. we had left burned in the fucking fire.

459. If those ladybugs don't work, we're fucked.

460. I got to get something to eat.

461. You guys want to see some shit, come watch this.

462. What the fuck?

463. All right, asshole, clean up this fucking garbage!

464. Now, listen, get your fucking cats off my property,

465. or I'm gonna call animal control

466. and have them all put to fucking sleep.

467. Oh, yeah? You think you can do it

468. if you're fucking knocked out, huh?

469. Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?

470. Let him go, Sam.

471. - He fucking attacked me. - Let him go.

472. Get the fuck out of here,

473. and take this four-eyed freak with you, okay.

474. Listen, let's look at the situation.

475. There's one simple decision, all right?

476. Choice number one — clean up those fucking hot dogs.

477. Or?

478. Choice number two —

479. I'll slap the shit out of you in front of Barbara.

480. Hey, Barb.

481. Hey, Julian. Is anything wrong?

482. No, honey, we're just talking about the cat problem.

483. Sure, guys, I'll be more than happy

484. to help you clean up the problem.

485. You know, make sure the cats are healthy

486. and they're nowhere around here.

487. - I apologize. - Yeah. No, I apologize, Sam.

488. It's my fault.

489. I forgot to tell you that the cats

490. were licking all the hot dogs on the plate there

491. when I came up about 20 minutes ago.

492. Cats have been licking these hot dogs?

493. Yep, they were licking the shit out of them.

494. Shit!

495. Thanks, guys, you just ruined my fucking barbecue.

496. Just clean up the fucking hot dogs, all right, Sam?

497. Okay, Julian.

498. Stop fucking around.

499. Bubbles.

500. Why don't you sleep on my couch for a while

501. until you find a new place, man?

502. I'm sorry.

503. Thanks, Julian, but I do stuff on my own.

504. You know that.

505. Look, bubbles, what happened with the shed,

506. I admit, that was my fault.

507. But it was mostly Cory and trevor's fault,

508. but I did, you know, kind of get them in there,

509. - and I'm fucking sorry, man. - Well, kind of, Ricky.

510. I mean, you never said anything about hooking power up in there.

511. Neither did you, Julian.

512. Come by the airstream later.

513. Gonna get some pickled eggs. I'm buying.

514. And we're gonna have a little party for you like old times.

515. You deserve it, man.

516. Well, maybe, we'll see.

517. I got some stuff to do and I got to relax.

518. Sorry, bubs.

519. You fucked up this time, Rick.

520. We both fucked up.

521. I wish you could admit that.

522. Holy fuck, there's a lot of ladybugs in there!

523. It's working, though, man.

524. They're eating the fuck out of those spider mites.

525. - So it is working, then? - Oh, yeah.

526. Come here for a second.

527. - Good job, buddy. - Thanks, man.

528. Get ahold of the prison guards,

529. tell them we're right on schedule, then.

530. Oh, yeah, we'll have enough dope for 10 prisons if you want.

531. Supply and command, buddy.

532. So, when's bubbles coming over?

533. Well, he should be here soon, I think.

534. I got the pickled eggs.

535. Right on, treena.

536. And I got bubbles a little present.

537. Perfect. Well, I think he'll be here anytime.

538. He loves pickled eggs. Who doesn't?

539. Guys, it doesn't look like bubbles is gonna show up.

540. He gets that grass into him, that'll fix him right up.

541. Bubbles, you know some pile about kitties,

542. you know what I'm saying?

543. What's up, "t"? What's going on?

544. Not much, j-roc.

545. You can stay here as long as you want

546. with your candy, bubbles — stay in this Van.

547. J-roc got your back hard, know what I'm saying?

548. I appreciate that, j-roc. But I pay my own way.

549. You know that. 12 bucks a month.

550. What do you think? Plus heat and lights.

551. You drive a hard bizzargain, motherfucker,

552. you know what I'm saying?

553. I'm out. Peace, "t."

554. - Thanks, j-roc. - Word.

555. You okay?

556. Yeah, I'm all right.

557. You didn't come over for pickled eggs.

558. Just trying to get this — this place set up.

559. What do you think?

560. It's nice.

561. I got you a little something.

562. I hope it cheers you up.

563. Thanks, treena.

564. It's a bubble maker!