Trailer Park Boys 2x1

1. Fuck!

2. I was just on my way to get Ricky and Julian.

3. They're getting out of jail today.

4. Jesus, I hope I don't get pulled over.

5. No license, registration, insurance.

6. Not a fucking thing.

7. Wake-up call, delta, Charlie blocks.

8. Pickup, gate 2.

9. Yeah!

10. Bubbles! We're out of jail!

11. How's it going, buddy?

12. Hey, bubbles, fuck, it's good to see you, man.

13. Oh, you, too.

14. How come you guys got your suits on?

15. Remember we got busted at the wedding?

16. We didn't have any other clothes to put on, for fuck's sakes.

17. Well, you look good. First day out of jail.

18. Look who I brought.

19. - How's it going, boys? - Boys.

20. Good to see you.

21. So, what's the plan, boys?

22. All right, bubbles, listen to this.

23. As you may well know, Ricky and I,

24. we're sick of going back and forth to jail, right?

25. Jail is bullshit, man.

26. You can't even smoke in there. The dope sucks. It's fucked.

27. I hate it when you guys are in jail.

28. Yeah, no kidding. So do we.

29. I've got a plan, all right? It's called freedom 35.

30. What's a freedom 35?

31. You're not gonna believe this. It's perfect.

32. Julian's got these guards on the inside

33. that are gonna smuggle in a bunch of dope that we grow,

34. sell it for big money in there,

35. and then we can retire and never have to break the law again.

36. It's perfect, man. It's easy.

37. All we have to do is get some equipment and grow dope.

38. And where do you get the money for the equipment?

39. Here it comes.

40. All right, you know, I've thought of this one, bubbles.

41. It's perfect.

42. We're gonna go to the shopping mall right now,

43. steal 20 or 30 car stereos, sell them to j-roc.

44. That should give us enough money to start up this business.

45. - It's not a problem. - No big deal.

46. Julian, I picked you up at jail 10 minutes ago.

47. And now you're telling me we're going to steal car stereos.

48. But the thing is, in order to stop breaking the law,

49. we got to break the law just for a couple minutes,

50. and then we're gonna be done, retired.

51. I don't know, boys.

52. I-I don't want you guys to go back to jail already.

53. You see?

54. Guys, I've got this all figured out, man.

55. It's gonna work like a charm. Don't worry about it.

56. Ricky, what did we agree to in jail?

57. About me budgeting my cigarettes.

58. No, the other thing.

59. "Julian's thinking is..."

60. "Julian's thinking is clearer than ricky's."

61. Exactly.

62. Well, Ricky and Julian —

63. I know they got to steal some car stereos and whatnot

64. to get back on their feet,

65. but I don't want to have any fucking part of that.

66. I got my own business at the mall.

67. This is a good cart, even though there's no fucking wheels on it.

68. I got wheels at home that will fit right on her.

69. It's a fucking gold mine down there.

70. Come back for those cocksuckers later.

71. Hey, hey, hey, hey!

72. Hey, what the hell are you guys doing?

73. Ricky?

74. What does it look like we're doing?

75. It looks like you're doing something you shouldn't be doing.

76. Yeah, well, it might look like something we shouldn't be doing,

77. but actually, we're doing something we should be doing, all right?

78. Hey, I'm the mall manager.

79. Yeah, I know who you are, pal, and let me tell you,

80. you got a real problem with mall security.

81. This is seven stereos I've lost in this mall now

82. because people are breaking in

83. 'cause you're not doing your fucking job.

84. Oh, fuck.

85. I-I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry, guys.

86. Jesus, I-I didn't mean to —

87. I really didn't mean to accuse you.

88. It's just I'm a little stressed out, okay?

89. I've got kids in there throwing subs at me.

90. I got my boss on the walkie-talkie all the time

91. going, "Gary, we need more cartons."

92. "Gary, there's somebody masturbating in the food court."

93. "Gary, can you go clean the fucking bathrooms again?"

94. I mean, I don't know where to fucking turn? -Hey, hey, listen, pal.

95. Take a deep breath here, man.

96. Everybody makes mistakes. It's cool.

97. Okay, look, I'm really sorry.

98. It's just, you know, I just quit smoking.

99. It's starting to get to me.

100. - Yeah, we understand. - And I'm just so fucking short-staffed.

101. Well, I'll tell you what, I'm not gonna put a complaint in to the mall this time.

102. But, man, you got to get your shit together.

103. - Yeah, I know, guys. - You think two guys in suits are gonna be stealing stereos?

104. It's not us. It's some other dickheads.

105. I know. I'm sorry, okay?

106. I'm really — I'm really, really sorry, okay?

107. I'm just gonna get a smoke there from you, okay, pal?

108. Listen, I'm sorry, guys. Really I am.

109. We'll see you.

110. Nice work, man.

111. That guy was fucked. You're lucky there, buddy.

112. Come on, bubbles, let's go.

113. We're going to my trailer park, buddy.

114. Jesus Christ!

115. Bubbles, what happened to my trailer park, man?

116. Looks like a tropical earthquake blew through here

117. or something, man.

118. Well, it's just — bottle kids!

119. Hey!

120. You little dicks! I just got this car out of storage!

121. So what's up with lahey?

122. He's been drinking like a fucking fish,

123. and everybody here wants him fired

124. 'cause he let the park go all to shit.

125. It's about time they get rid of that fucking dick anyway.

126. I hate that guy.

127. Ricky, losing lahey is not a good thing, all right?

128. I can control lahey.

129. If we have to deal with another trailer-park supervisor,

130. it's not gonna be good.

131. Take me to j-roc's.

132. Fuck j-roc's, Julian. I got to see Lucy and Trinity.

133. I haven't seen them in 14 months, man.

134. That's my family.

135. We're going to j-roc's first, Ricky.

136. Hey, Julian, maybe Ricky should go see ray first.

137. What are you talking about, bubbles?

138. What's going on here?

139. Just there's some stuff that's kind of different now,

140. and just fucking go see ray.

141. Hey, dad!

142. - Ricky! - How's it going?

143. - Oh, my god, he's out of jail! - You're out of your chair.

144. I'm out of my chair. I feel great.

145. Great to see you, man.

146. - Hey, Ricky, welcome back. - What are you doing here?

147. Oh, I'm just crashing with ray for a bit.

148. Me and Lucy got in a fight. How are you doing, anyway?

149. Good. Is Lucy is all right?

150. Yeah, after all the shit went down at the wedding,

151. she blamed it all on you

152. and said she didn't want to see you anymore.

153. It wasn't my fault. It was the cops' fault.

154. They ruined the wedding, not me.

155. That's what I told her, but you know Lucy.

156. I can't believe she's still pissed off over that bullshit.

157. Oh, yeah, she's still pretty pissed off about that, Ricky.

158. Dad, what the fuck's going on?

159. Are Lucy and Trinity okay or what?

160. Well, I haven't seen Trinity for quite a while, but —

161. - I'm sure trinity's fine. - Yeah, she's fine.

162. You know, listen, man, just go have a lie-down on the couch or something, take it easy.

163. I'm not gonna chill out right now.

164. I made this birdhouse for them.

165. I want to go see my family. I've been waiting 14 months.

166. I'm going over there right now to find out what the hell is going on.

167. It's the blue and white trailer on hemlock street.

168. She moved?

169. You know, I can't just wait around for him,

170. getting in and out of jail all the time.

171. I've got, like, a life I'm trying to pull together

172. so I can be a good parent and a good person.

173. Get out of there.

174. Stop right there, Ricky.

175. What the fuck are you doing here?

176. Don't step one foot on this property.

177. Get your fucking hands off me.

178. Isn't this lucy's trailer, you dick?

179. - What the fuck are you doing? - Ricky.

180. Oh, you got to be fucking kidding me.

181. Did you steal my fucking wife, asshole?

182. I wouldn't call it stealing, Ricky.

183. - Oh, you wouldn't call it stealing? - You were in jail. You fucked up.

184. Are you fucking living here with Lucy?

185. Lucy, what the fuck is going on here?

186. And where the hell is Trinity?

187. She's at my mom's house while I get my shit together, okay?

188. - Oh, that's nice. - Yeah.

189. I was in jail, and all I did was think about you guys.

190. I made you guys a fucking birdhouse.

191. I guess I was the only one thinking about us.

192. You are banging Randy?

193. That is fucked.

194. I am not banging him. I'm in love with him, okay?

195. And I can't tell you how much happier I am

196. being with a real man who has a job

197. and who does a little more with his life

198. than grow dope and live in a car.

199. What are you talking about, love?

200. Look at the way he dresses!

201. He's a fucking assistant trailer-park supervisor.

202. - Don't fucking touch me! - I'm not the assistant anymore.

203. Ricky, back off! I don't work for lahey.

204. Leave! You're trespassing!

205. You don't even have a fucking job.

206. Lucy, come on, he doesn't even have a job!

207. Hit the road, Ricky.

208. This isn't fucking over, asshole.

209. You make me fucking sick.

210. Go get your own girlfriend

211. instead of stealing other people's.

212. Hey, Ricky!

213. I'll fucking ravine you, you little bastards.

214. Fuck off, Ricky!

215. You talking about these are car stereos?

216. These is cassette decks, motherfucker!

217. This one ain't even a cassette deck,

218. it's a c-motherfucking-b!

219. You're my brother, right? I'm gonna hook you up.

220. But all's I can do is 50%.

221. 50%? That's the best you can do?

222. Sorry, dawg.

223. Man, look, you're talking to me here — 50%?

224. "T"?

225. These car stereos ain't worth shit, man.

226. We're into remarketing car-alarm systems...

227. Everything else, you name it.

228. That's right. Check this shit out, boy.

229. Right, me and "t" know that when y'all was up in the oz,

230. you lost your honey wagon and shit.

231. J-roc, what are you doing, man?

232. We're prepared to hook you up with this for $150 a month.

233. $150 a month?

234. Know what I'm saying?

235. All right.

236. How about 25 grams of weed a month,

237. payments starting at the end of next month?

238. Sounds good.

239. A'ight.

240. Sound good?

241. A'ight, now, as for them car stereos,

242. here how it's gonna go down, you know what I'm saying?

243. I'll get them punk-ass bitches Cory and Trevor

244. roll by your crib once I roll out

245. and get the hydro gear with my mo'fucking crew.

246. Dawg, I wish there was some other shit I could do,

247. but the shit's been pimp tight, know what I'm saying?

248. J-roc, j-roc, j-roc, rewind here for a minute.

249. What are you talking about?

250. "T"?

251. I missed it, man.

252. He just said Cory and Trevor is gonna swing by and drop off

253. the hydro gear, and business hasn't been that great.

254. That's right!

255. What's up, dude? How you doing, Jules?

256. Hey, boys.

257. Hey, man. How you doing?

258. What's up?

259. Not much, man. Welcome home, man.

260. What are you doing with all this hydroponic shit?

261. Are you growing some dope with it?

262. Because if you are, man, I'll totally help you out.

263. We can help you grow dope. Man, we got your back.

264. Yeah, man, what's up? I can —

265. let me get something straight, okay?

266. I'm not growing dope.

267. You guys know nothing about this dope-growing equipment.

268. Do you understand me?

269. That's cool.

270. Do you understand me, Trevor?

271. Ricky!

272. What's up, man. What's up in jail this time?

273. Julian, I got a major situation I got to deal with, man.

274. Smokes — let's go.

275. Hey, man, it's good to see you, man.

276. Yeah, whatever. Knock, knock, boys.

277. - Who's there? - Get the fuck out of here.

278. I got to talk to Julian. It's important.

279. Nice to see you, too, Ricky.

280. Boys, it's nice to see you, but I got to talk to Julian.

281. - Get the fuck out of here. - What's going on?

282. Lucy is living with Randy.

283. What?

284. Yeah, I don't know what the fuck happened,

285. but I'm fucked, man. I got to get her back.

286. So there's something I got to tell you,

287. and I know you're gonna freak out, but just hear me out.

288. I can't grow dope with you anymore.

289. What are you talking about?

290. I can't. I'm going straight.

291. And I got to get a real family-man kind of job

292. and try to win Lucy back.

293. You're gonna get a real family job, okay?

294. What are you gonna do, get a job at the mall or something, Ricky?

295. Actually, that's not a bad idea.

296. That guy said he was short-staffed.

297. Listen, Ricky, you get Lucy out of your mind, all right?

298. It would be a big mistake trying to get her back.

299. Do you understand me?

300. Don't be so fucking stupid.

301. Fuck you, Julian.

302. I should have known you wouldn't understand.

303. I thought you would, but you obviously don't fucking understand.

304. No, you don't understand, Ricky.

305. I'm done, man. I'm out.

306. Grow your own dope, all right?

307. Fuck freedom 35. It's fucking stupid anyway.

308. Oh, why don't you just think about what you're talking about here, Ricky.

309. What the fuck are you looking at, huh?

310. - Don't fucking stare at me. - Leave my cat alone.

311. Don't fucking stare at me.

312. So I guess I got to stop growing dope, get a fucking job.

313. Okay, do you know what your job is?

314. Your job is to go around the parking lot collecting carts

315. and taking them back to the cart corral.

316. Collecting carts? I thought it was security work.

317. Come here, will you? Do you want the job or don't you?

318. Now, look, come down here and look at this.

319. Fuck!

320. You see the stuff down here? You see this?

321. Okay, somebody is stealing carts.

322. I'm losing 25 a week to a thief.

323. Now, I cannot have a thief come on to my mall

324. and take merchandise away.

325. Now, your job — you got two of them, right?

326. First job — collect the carts,

327. take them back up to the cart corral.

328. The second job is to stop people from stealing them.

329. Ricky, food court.

330. Terry, I am on fucking carts. I'm not on the food court.

331. Well, you're here at the mall, aren't you?

332. The problem with shopping carts is —

333. something's going down here. We need you right away.

334. Terry, I can't fucking do that right now.

335. I'm on carts, all right? Fuck off!

336. It's fucking — it's a tough business hauling shopping carts,

337. but it's got to be done, and basically it's the first job

338. I've ever had that's not against the law,

339. and I'm gonna do a good job.

340. They're telling me, "don't let people steal the carts."

341. That's what I'm gonna do. How hard can that be?

342. People don't realize

343. how much fucking money there are in carts.

344. I take these home and fix them,

345. sell them back to a different mall for 18 bucks.

346. I got the two malls playing off each other.

347. That's how I make my living.

348. It's not even really stealing, if you ask me,

349. because most of the money I make here,

350. I spend it back there anyway on fucking cat food

351. and stuff like that, so...

352. If somebody's here and...

353. And hand on the cart like this and... Whoopsie!

354. - Down she goes. - Bubbles!

355. And then somebody comes and picks her up later, and...

356. Bubbles, what are you doing?

357. You can't be touching the carts like this.

358. What do you care if I'm touching the carts, Ricky?

359. Because I'm working at the mall now as a security guard.

360. Can't you see what I'm wearing here?

361. No way! You're in charge of the fucking carts?

362. Yeah, I am, and you can't take them, all right?

363. He just waltzes in there and becomes the king of the carts.

364. What the fuck does he think I'm supposed to do, go down to e.I.?

365. "Hi, there.

366. "Yeah, I haul shopping carts out of ponds

367. "and sell them back to the store for a living.

368. "I've been doing it for 18 years,

369. so give me a fucking check, please."

370. That's not gonna fucking happen.

371. I haven't been paying into u.I.

372. E.I., whatever the fuck they call it these days.

373. You want to see something fucked?

374. Down over here — people are so stupid.

375. They don't even know how to use a cart corral.

376. Come check this shit out!

377. This is what I have to fucking deal with on this stupid job.

378. Look at this shit!

379. Bubbles, what the fuck are you doing?

380. What are you doing?

381. These carts are public domain, Ricky.

382. What's that? No, man!

383. Bubbles, get back here, you dick!

384. Fuck!

385. Hey, Ricky.

386. How's the new job going, buddy?

387. Go fuck yourself, Julian.

388. Oh, that's nice. I need your help, buddy.

389. Listen to me for a second. I got 10 dope clones.

390. I don't give a fuck about your dope clones.

391. I got a job, man.

392. I'm trying to get back together with Lucy, you dick.

393. Ricky, fuck this stupid shopping-cart bullshit, man.

394. Lucy is not going back with you.

395. You got to deal with it, man.

396. I'll help you out, all right?

397. Yeah, how are you gonna do that, Julian?

398. What are you doing?

399. Can you use the cart corral, for god's sakes!

400. Nice! Real nice!

401. Listen —

402. fuck!

403. Rick, come grow some dope with me, man, come on.

404. Julian, I wouldn't grow dope with you

405. if you had the last fucking dope plants on earth.

406. Now get the hell away from me and let me do my job here.

407. Ricky, this is Gary.

408. We're missing seven carts!

409. Seven carts aren't freaking here, Ricky!

410. Copy that, Gary. Don't worry about the carts.

411. I'll get them back. I got a good idea where they're going.

412. You better get the carts, because if you don't,

413. I'm deducting 10 bucks off your pay

414. for every cart that goes missing as of right now!

415. Copy that.

416. All right, boys, pay attention.

417. We got to get Ricky fired immediately,

418. so this is what I want you to do.

419. Steal a car stereo and hide it in his trunk.

420. - No way. - We got to get him fired?

421. No, no, no. No, listen.

422. - Shit. - Repeat after me.

423. "We're gonna steal a car stereo."

424. - We're gonna steal a car stereo. - We're gonna steal a car stereo.

425. "And hide it in ricky's trunk."

426. - And hide it in ricky's trunk. - And hide it in ricky's trunk.

427. Very good.

428. Gary, Gary, Gary! Listen up, man.

429. I got some bad news to tell you.

430. Ricky's out in the car parking lot stealing car stereos.

431. This is great.

432. I know. I saw him putting one in the trunk, you know.

433. Okay. Thanks, man. I got to go call the cops.

434. No, no, no, Gary. Gary, don't do that.

435. Don't embarrass yourself, buddy.

436. Like, come on, you guys have the same training as cops.

437. You're almost like a cop, aren't you?

438. Yeah, we do have the same training as police officers.

439. Well, you should probably deal with this one yourself.

440. - That's what I'd do. - Okay. That's a good idea.

441. Gary, come quick! I need some fucking backup here!

442. I got the guys stealing shopping carts.

443. Bubbles, give me the cart!

444. Gary, get some fucking backup in the south parking lot, quick!

445. Ricky!

446. What are you dicks doing here?

447. Julian, what the fuck are you doing here?

448. Trevor and Cory, what are you doing here?

449. Ricky, is this the cart thief?

450. This guy right here?

451. Go ahead, then, Ricky.

452. You might as well tell him who the big fucking cart thief is.

453. Go ahead, Ricky. Do your job.

454. This guy is just drunk.

455. He's not really causing any problems.

456. It's those two guys right there stealing the carts.

457. - Get 'em! - I didn't do shit.

458. No, I didn't do shit.

459. What? Aw, man!

460. Fucking bastard.

461. No, can't — no.

462. I can't see.

463. Man, this is totally wack!

464. Ricky!

465. Ricky?

466. I want to look in your trunk.

467. Why?

468. Because I need to look in your trunk, Ricky!

469. Just go open it.

470. Yeah, I guess. No big deal.

471. What's this?

472. I don't fucking know.

473. What do you mean, you don't know?

474. What is it?

475. Someone must have planted it there.

476. - Oh, yeah, yeah. - I didn't fucking take that.

477. The car stereo fairy godmother, right, Ricky?

478. What the hell is this?

479. You know, I should just call the cops right now,

480. but I'm not going to, okay?

481. But you're fired, Ricky! Give me your walkie.

482. - I'm fired? - You're fired!

483. I'm not fucking fired. I quit!

484. You're a fucking dick, you know that?

485. You just blew my only chance to get back together with Lucy,

486. try to make a decent fucking living, asshole.

487. Give me the walkie, Ricky.

488. Get the fuck out of here.

489. Get the fuck out of my fucking face right now,

490. you fucking asshole.

491. Get the fuck out of here.

492. Whoa, nice mall-cop uniform, Ricky!

493. Don't even fucking start with me today, lahey.

494. I'm not in the mood.

495. Oh. I beg your pardon. I was only a real cop.

496. I was never an important mall cop like you, Ricky.

497. Knock, knock.

498. Who's there, Rick?

499. - Somebody. - Somebody who?

500. Somebody whose ex-wife owns the fucking trailer park

501. is the only reason you got the job as trailer-park supervisor.

502. You got fired from the police force

503. 'cause you fucked up big time,

504. but we're not gonna talk about that, are we?

505. And now you're gonna get fired from this job

506. because you are nothing but a drunk fucking idiot

507. who can't even run the trailer park.

508. You're drunk right now.

509. I can smell the fucking liquor on you from here.

510. Go away for 18 months to jail,

511. and everything goes to fucking shit, doesn't it, lahey?

512. Like your little buddy, with his fucking no shirt,

513. moving in with my girlfriend

514. and ruining my whole fucking life!

515. Now there's fucking shit everywhere

516. in this fucking trailer park!

517. Fucking idiot.

518. This cart is fucked.

519. One good fucking wheel, that's it.

520. Hey, bubbles.

521. Hey, Ricky.

522. How's it going?

523. Pretty good.

524. Thanks for not ratting me out today.

525. Man, I'm sorry about that today, man.

526. That was fucked up.

527. It's okay.

528. Got your bubble machine working, huh?

529. Yeah, had to put a new fucking part in her.

530. Do you want a drink or something?

531. No.

532. So, what do we have here?

533. Where did you get this shit?

534. J-roc.

535. J-roc, huh?

536. So, I'm pretty stupid, aren't I, Julian?

537. You're smart and I'm stupid.

538. That's what everyone around the park thinks, right, according to you?

539. You're the big smart guy, and I'm the big stupid guy.

540. So, are these male or female?

541. I don't know. What's the difference?

542. About four extra weeks' work, that's what the difference is.

543. How does that make you feel, huh?

544. You bought the wrong clones. You made a big mistake.

545. Now you got a big fucking waste of time on your hands.

546. How does that feel, buddy?

547. Listen, Ricky, I make mistakes, too, you know.

548. I don't know anything about this fucking hydroponic shit, man.

549. I feel stupid.

550. Well, now you know what I feel like all the time.

551. Well, can you do anything with this mess or what?

552. Did I totally fuck this all up?

553. I don't know man.

554. Hopefully you got a couple female plants here

555. and maybe we can clone them or do something with them.

556. It looks pretty fucked up, though.

557. I broke the stem on this one here.

558. Well, that's no good, then.

559. You need to throw that the fuck away.

560. Can I still have a drink?

561. This one here doesn't look too bad.

562. This one here, I don't know.

563. I'll get some clones tomorrow

564. and try to get this fixed up for you.

565. So, what do you say, man, freedom 35?