The Sopranos 5x10

1. Fuck this. I'm calling Carlo.

2. Yeah, they didn't show.

3. The Vespa scooters.

4. We gotta wait.

5. Carlo was furious.

6. His guys waited by the Hackensack River

7. all fucking night.

8. Fucking Vespas never got in my hands.

9. This is Port Newark.

10. Where the fuck were your longshoremen?

11. Heightened security at ports, al Qaeda.

12. Done, Johnny.

13. I gotta go.

14. Nice job, Billy boy.

15. Carlo was told it was a go.

16. If it didn't happen, how come nobody called?

17. A lot of things didn't happen that seem like they happen.

18. Your cousin didn't whack Joey.

19. The Vespas never got into my hands.

20. - Come on! Go, Soph! - On the ball, Keaton!

21. Hustle! Hey, Soph is open!

22. She's open! Come on!

23. She's gotta be at least 11.

24. Don't put up with that, Lissie!

25. Careful with those elbows, number seven!

26. Hey, out of bounds! Out of bounds!

27. Go, Lissie, go!

28. They're just a bunch of losers!

29. Hey, no negatives, you!

30. Come on, putz, charge the ball!

31. Charge it!

32. Foul!

33. That kid tripped my kid!

34. That's legal. She was going for the ball.

35. - She was not. - Score!

36. Score! Come on!

37. Your kid is out of control.

38. She's been tripping and pushing all summer.

39. Oh, shut up and get out of here.

40. Don't tell me to shut up!

41. What, are you crazy?

42. Oh!

43. Please. Come on!

44. - Somebody! - How do you like it now, bitch?

45. Her kid kicked my kid. Get off!

46. - Cost you 100. - Call.

47. Sit down. Sit down. Sit down.

48. I talked to John.

49. The Vespa scooters came in,

50. but there was no opportunity to grab them

51. because of increased security at the ports.

52. Jesus Christ!

53. The young crowd is crazy for these scooters.

54. He owes me half that fucking load.

55. - You're not buying it? - I don't know what to think.

56. He's getting awfully fucking cute with his remarks.

57. All I know is his behavior at that kid's funeral

58. was a disgrace.

59. It's a big part of my livelihood, that port.

60. I will say,

61. very interesting timing, T.

62. You and John had that chat at the funeral,

63. whatever that was.

64. Suddenly, no Vespas.

65. All right, I gotta take this.

66. Whoa, whoa.

67. Take one of Carlo's guys,

68. start hanging around down Port Newark.

69. Find out what the fuck is going on.

70. The property taxes, I know.

71. Hello to you too.

72. I thought you should know,

73. your sister Janice got arrested.

74. What?

75. In Essex County this afternoon,

76. an incident of sports rage among soccer moms

77. led to the arrest of a Verona woman

78. with ties to the Mafia.

79. Our Gillian Glessner was on the scene.

80. What about it, Gillian?

81. Think that other mother better go

82. into the soccer mom protection program?

83. Maybe she should, Carl.

84. It started here at Summit Avenue Park

85. during a 9- and 10-year-old girls'

86. club soccer match,

87. an altercation between soccer moms

88. sent one mother to the hospital and one to jail.

89. Denise McCarthy, a parent, witnessed the violence.

90. I just feel so bad for the kids.

91. Parents taping the match captured the mêlée.

92. Somebody!

93. How do you like it now, bitch?

94. Her kid kicked my kid!

95. Charges are still pending,

96. but we know that the woman shown here

97. being taken into custody is Janice Baccalieri,

98. sister of reputed New Jersey mob boss Anthony Soprano.

99. Guess you could call it a Mafia-related hit.

100. Ha ha. We spoke with psychologist Bela Kakuk.

101. It's a growing problem in our society.

102. Psychologists are finding that certain individuals

103. are particularly prone to rage.

104. Almost any frustration, inconvenience

105. or perceived inconsideration will set them off.

106. Motherfucker!

107. Janice, open the door!

108. - Where is she? - It wasn't my fault!

109. My name was all over the fucking TV because of your bullshit!

110. It's not that simple, Tony.

111. Apparently the woman's kid was picking on Sophia.

112. Why didn't they collar her, then?

113. I am suing the township for wrongful arrest...

114. - No, you're not! - and the YSO.

115. No. No, you're not!

116. What you're gonna do is you're gonna call Neil Mink,

117. you're gonna play it down, you're gonna pay the fine

118. and not turn this into one of your causes célèbres.

119. Anybody's side but mine.

120. That bitch is lucky I didn't kill her.

121. Well, we know that.

122. What?

123. You and your fucking temper, Janice.

124. Get out!

125. This is the end of it.

126. Get out!

127. Tony.

128. I know this looks bad.

129. But on the other hand, she called Sophia her daughter.

130. I don't give a fuck.

131. All right, I do give a fuck.

132. But how many times I gotta tell you?

133. Get control of your wife!

134. Sophia.

135. Sophia?

136. I'm so embarrassed.

137. I don't wanna see any of my friends again.

138. Well, when you're a parent, you'll see.

139. You'll defend your children like a lion with her cubs.

140. - You're not my parent. - What did you say?

141. I'm here.

142. And I try to care very much.

143. Now get to sleep.

144. You gonna punch me?

145. Jan, can I talk to you?

146. Sophia, go to sleep.

147. We'll talk tomorrow. I'm exhausted.

148. No. Now.

149. What, I don't have a say in things?

150. Janice, I think you need professional help.

151. I'll be having an extra session with Sandy, believe me.

152. Sandy, Sandy. What does she do?

153. She tells you you were picked on by your father

154. and asks you to read her screenplays.

155. I think there's anger specialists.

156. And I think you should see a weight-loss specialist.

157. You don't see it in yourself.

158. I heard you with Sophia.

159. Youse were getting along so much better.

160. She says one little thing, and you get nasty.

161. I'm so sore.

162. This is not an isolated incident.

163. They won't let you shop up at the corner anymore.

164. Those coffee beans were burnt, Bobby.

165. You tasted them.

166. Janice, I like a spitfire type, I told you.

167. But we can't live like this, me and the kids.

168. Like what?

169. This was a nice house.

170. Peaceful. I don't know.

171. There wasn't all this yelling and tension.

172. How could you understand?

173. Your dad was a sweetheart, even when he had emphysema.

174. My house, it was dog-eat-dog.

175. Well, be that as it may, the past and all,

176. if you don't go to these anger classes

177. they have or whatever,

178. this with us ain't gonna work out.

179. Look out, ladies and gentlemen.

180. He's rolling. It's nine.

181. Place nine.

182. What do you think he clears here?

183. Two crap tables, blackjack, roulette.

184. You gotta figure he's grabbing anywhere

185. from 2,500 to five G's a night for himself.

186. It used to be you, didn't it?

187. Teacher's pet?

188. Stop making meatballs, Paulie.

189. I'm just saying.

190. Now you know what I went through.

191. It's the same Gina had at her wedding.

192. We should see how it looks on your face.

193. Chrissy.

194. What the fuck?

195. - What's up? - Hey there, cuz.

196. - Guess who called me this morning. - How'd you find me?

197. - Oh, you're not gonna guess? - Okay, who?

198. Our friend with the orchard.

199. No shit. He okay?

200. Yeah. Sold the place. Moving to Florida.

201. He should. He's getting on in years.

202. Oh, shit.

203. You still got your canned peaches up there.

204. I just had the car serviced.

205. Watch what you say.

206. I gotta move that shit? Again?

207. That developer's going up there.

208. Now, obviously it wouldn't be good for you or our friend

209. if somebody opened the canned fruit.

210. So you and your cousin here,

211. you're gonna go there and take care of it.

212. I'll do it.

213. I'm worried about the old guy.

214. - I told you, I'll do it. - The thing is,

215. my old man's got a few jars up there also.

216. Could make problems for my uncle.

217. It's gonna be a lot of work,

218. which with Louise around, can only be done at night.

219. That's true.

220. This thing's gotta be done in two weeks,

221. the latest.

222. Bulldozers are coming.

223. So, what, are you picking out wedding cakes?

224. - Yeah. - Hope you have better luck than I did.

225. Why? You didn't like your cake?

226. I think your luck's been fucking great,

227. and listen to you cursing it out.

228. What, you got something you wanna say?

229. - All right. - So call me.

230. Who is this Uncle Pat anyway?

231. He was a knock-around guy like Tony's dad,

232. but they let him retire to this farm upstate New York.

233. It sounds funny, but it wasn't.

234. He had the hiccups for, like, a year.

235. Jeez.

236. Great guy. He had a daughter,

237. but she lived with her mom.

238. Us boys each got sent up there summers when we hit up 12 or 13.

239. He'd school us.

240. Did he have the hiccups?

241. No, I told you, that went away.

242. What, you think it's fucking funny?

243. He almost committed suicide because of it.

244. How would you like it?

245. Where's my Barney's underpants with the ventilated cotton?

246. Still in the dryer.

247. Tell you one thing,

248. I need fucking Tony B. up there like I need a third nut.

249. All this resentment.

250. He is your cousin.

251. Yeah? Should've seen him when I was little.

252. Him and Tony both.

253. How they broke my balls, teased me.

254. One time, I was spending the summer up at Uncle Pat's farm,

255. just like they used to.

256. I was 11.

257. They came up, they were like 19, to shoot guns.

258. They didn't take me with them.

259. And when I tramped through the stickers and found them,

260. they said I had to be initiated into a special club

261. by being tied to a tree

262. alone in the orchard for an hour.

263. I was on that tree till 3:00 in the fucking morning.

264. Aw.

265. I worshipped these two guys.

266. Tony Soprano especially.

267. When he was by himself,

268. he used to push me on my Big Wheels,

269. he'd teach me curse words.

270. When he was by himself.

271. Where's the Tinactin?

272. Right on the night table.

273. And here we are again.

274. Tony B. goes wrong,

275. and Tony lays a 200K-a-year cash cow on him.

276. Christopher, don't get mad, okay?

277. I know we kind of touched on it a couple times,

278. but you're so unhappy.

279. What if we left here,

280. went far away,

281. and you went into something else?

282. - Like what? - I don't know, like...

283. Pick up your writing, maybe?

284. Male modeling.

285. I'll get back to the writing someday.

286. But from a position of great wealth.

287. As far as male modeling, I'd probably be a success,

288. but I wouldn't want to be around those fucking people.

289. I'm a soldier, Adriana.

290. When are you gonna understand that?

291. What the fuck?

292. - Carmela. - What?

293. There's no water in the pool.

294. Yeah, I had it drained.

295. The electricity costs a fortune.

296. I can't afford that. You're the only one who uses it.

297. I thought we were getting along better lately.

298. So you polluted all the decent lawyers in New Jersey

299. so they can't represent me?

300. You couldn't even play fair.

301. I'm not the one that wanted it!

302. Okay, so let's just pretend that you

303. weren't begging for it in a million different ways, okay,

304. because I am worn out here.

305. Motherfucker.

306. He's a nice kid, Finn.

307. Right?

308. Right.

309. We gonna throw them an engagement party or what?

310. Well, if we can be civil.

311. She's so young.

312. Same age we were.

313. It wasn't all bad.

314. Last time, I asked you to jot down one or two situations

315. or people that trigger your anger,

316. so much so that when you think about it,

317. you get angry all over again.

318. Anybody got...?

319. Let's give Bradley a chance this time.

320. My partner parked me in again.

321. I couldn't find the keys.

322. I had to wake him up, and he starts yelling at me.

323. Describe the feelings.

324. I think...

325. My stepkids do that all the time.

326. They leave their bikes in the middle of the garage,

327. and if I wanna pull in, I gotta get out

328. and move the bikes with a car full of groceries.

329. Doris, can't you keep Billy's bike out of the driveway?

330. It was a famous commercial from the '60s.

331. Bufferin.

332. Guy has a headache, and he takes it out on his wife.

333. Back to Bradley.

334. I'm trying to get into his physical sensations of anger.

335. He saw red. Who wouldn't?

336. She's right. I mean, why is he in here?

337. Why isn't his roommate in therapy for selfishness issues?

338. There are always things out there that are irritating

339. and annoying and out of our control.

340. What we can control is our response to those triggers.

341. So people just get a free pass. The whole world?

342. I told you about my supervisor,

343. checking my work and nobody else's?

344. I wonder why.

345. Because you're a minority.

346. Exactly. That's why I'm in here.

347. Uh-huh.

348. You seem angry about Evelyn's problem.

349. It makes me mad.

350. "It" doesn't make you mad.

351. "You" make you mad.

352. I come from a biased family, but I was different.

353. I put all my faith and my hopes into the civil rights movement.

354. I left home and I marched.

355. And for what?

356. So they could ride around in their SUVs

357. blasting that rap shit,

358. and you can't say anything because they might have guns?

359. Wait a fucking minute. Who's "they"?

360. If the shoe fits.

361. This is fucking priceless.

362. Okay, let's not time-travel here.

363. Let's try to stay in the present.

364. Janice, you're angry.

365. Let's stay with that.

366. What are your actual physical feelings right now?

367. I'd like to punch you in the face.

368. Your hands are clenched.

369. Did you realize that?

370. You're provoking me to make a point.

371. And maybe that's your job, but I don't like it.

372. Look at you. You're not even listening.

373. - Hello? He's talking to me. - No.

374. You and me, we do most of the talking in here.

375. The man is trying to say that those people outside,

376. they do the thing.

377. But we're the ones that get all upset and start carrying on.

378. That's all he's saying.

379. The Hudson Valley.

380. That Legend of Sleepy Hollow cartoon

381. scared the piss out of me when I was a kid.

382. Would you mind watching your shoe?

383. Oh, sure.

384. It's a $50,000 vehicle. I don't want it scuffed up.

385. Uncle Pat's farm?

386. When you're 12, 13, man,

387. it's like fucking heaven, right?

388. Running around in the woods, driving that tractor.

389. He made me clear the brush by the fence

390. with a fucking scythe, though.

391. Yeah. I had to do that.

392. Tony too.

393. And water his fucking tomatoes

394. and his basinigol.

395. Changed, though, you know, Pat's,

396. after Louise came back there to live.

397. It wasn't just you and Pat and his great stories.

398. They used to call me Ichabod Crane.

399. Who?

400. Some very sorry people, that's who.

401. The Carmela front?

402. Did you two ever discuss that evening you made love?

403. It was a one-time deal.

404. I've moved on.

405. What about the depression?

406. Your revelation about your cousin?

407. His prison sentence?

408. You were very upset.

409. Tell you the truth, I haven't had a lot of time to think about that.

410. My sister...

411. She attacked some woman

412. at her stepkid's soccer game.

413. You've mentioned her temper before.

414. She got charged with aggravated assault and resisting arrest.

415. Excellent.

416. - Let's talk about that. - What?

417. - Rage. - Why?

418. Depression is rage turned inward.

419. Tell me about the Soprano temper.

420. Well, the thing is, it's bad for business.

421. Clouds your judgment.

422. John, he always had a terrible temper.

423. - John? - Gotti.

424. And in the end, I think it hurt him.

425. See, we forget that in the old days,

426. the ones that came over, that started this thing,

427. they didn't get mad.

428. They just smiled and nodded and made sure you got it later.

429. That's the whole beautiful point.

430. You know what they say.

431. Revenge is like serving cold cuts.

432. I think it's, "Revenge is a dish best served cold."

433. - So, what'd I say? - But why revenge all the time?

434. Where does it come from, this insatiable anger

435. you and your sister share?

436. I was wondering how long it was gonna take for her to come up.

437. Your mother? What about your father?

438. You never saw her chop off someone's finger.

439. Told you about that, didn't I?

440. Yes.

441. - Oh, Jesus, I wish I hadn't. - Why?

442. I mean, I dress up nice and everything when I come here.

443. Okay, let's stick to the subject.

444. - Which is what? - Your own intolerance for frustration.

445. "Thank you for holding. Your call is important to us."

446. If it's so important to you, answer the fucking phone!

447. - Stay with that. - It's just a level of bullshit!

448. Bullshit! Bullshit!

449. Every fucking new idea they come up with

450. that's supposed to make things better makes things worse.

451. Okay, right, I agree.

452. "The center cannot hold.

453. The falcon cannot hear the falconer."

454. What the fuck are you talking about?

455. We live in a time of technological

456. and spiritual crisis.

457. But you feel you're above all of it.

458. Certainly above any inconvenience or annoyance.

459. And if things don't go your way,

460. instead of being merely disappointed

461. or inconvenienced, you blow.

462. My sister's...

463. She's taking anger-management classes.

464. You know, maybe she's on the right track.

465. Is this something you'd consider?

466. No.

467. Well, but I-I-I'll admit it's not good for me,

468. all this fucking agitation.

469. Wears me out.

470. I'm fucking exhausted all the time.

471. Where did we start off?

472. I don't know.

473. Depression is rage turned inward.

474. Yeah. Yeah.

475. Oh!

476. This is nice.

477. For inner-city kids like me, this was important.

478. Inner city? You lived next to the largest mall in New Jersey.

479. It's over now. She's sticking me in that home in Florida,

480. and that's the last I'll ever see of her.

481. I'll be right down the road, Pop.

482. I got a beautiful condo.

483. Thinks she's gonna meet some old, lonely widower.

484. Louise, it's time for dessert.

485. I'm getting it.

486. And do me a favor.

487. Be as polite as you are when it's just the two of us.

488. We know where Chrissy buried the guy.

489. But with Uncle Johnny's, you gotta help us out.

490. Well...

491. I'm not exactly sure,

492. but there was two of them.

493. The Johnson brothers.

494. You don't remember where?

495. It was a long time ago.

496. We can't excavate the whole fucking place.

497. Because you know what Tony's gonna say?

498. Let him come up here and dig then.

499. Please.

500. He's a heart attack waiting to happen.

501. That's no joke.

502. Our bodies are 86% water.

503. His last blood test, he was 65% zeppole.

504. When he first heard the term "pie in the sky,"

505. he volunteered for the 82nd Airborne.

506. That's pretty good.

507. I learned in recovery

508. that he's just tamping down his feelings, T, by eating.

509. I should talk to him. It's a shame, you know?

510. Because he used to be the funnest guy in the world.

511. When was that?

512. He's got the world by the balls,

513. and he acts like everything's a big fucking imposition.

514. Being at the top, he's isolated himself.

515. Yeah, it's just him and his money.

516. Hello.

517. Who is this guy, anyway?

518. My first.

519. Czechoslovakian guy.

520. This is the second time I'm moving him.

521. Ah!

522. Come here, you little fuck.

523. Guys, wait.

524. Come here, you little fuck.

525. It wasn't me...

526. Help! Please, don't kill me.

527. What the fuck are you running for?

528. The night of the 12th, there was a ship from Italy

529. with these containers of Vespa motor scooters.

530. I don't know anything about any fucking Vespas!

531. We know they got here. What happened to them?

532. I don't know. I wasn't here!

533. Well, apparently he says he wasn't here.

534. Who picked up our motherfucking,

535. cocksucking Vespas?

536. In two seconds, this is going up your ass.

537. It was the guys from New York.

538. Phil Leotardo and them.

539. Listen...

540. Thanks for doing this.

541. You didn't have to.

542. Fuck that. You're my little cousin.

543. I think I can imagine what you may be hearing about me,

544. and what happened in New York.

545. All I can say is, there's no truth to it.

546. I didn't think nothing.

547. As far as Tony putting me in at the casino,

548. I knew people were gonna resent that.

549. But I went away for a long time, stood up for this family.

550. And you, or anybody, can think what they like,

551. but I feel I had a little coming to me.

552. Hey, absolutely. I was telling Benny that the other day.

553. He was complaining.

554. And what I said about Tony before?

555. You know I love him like a brother.

556. I love him too.

557. We saw the guy down the pier.

558. John has the Vespas.

559. To think of how supportive you were of him.

560. That whole Little Carmine fiasco.

561. It's fucking payback.

562. Johnny's got it in his head

563. that somehow my cousin had something to do with Joey Peeps.

564. Johnny should be looking for the real killers

565. instead of spending all his time on that golf course.

566. Whole fucking shipment of cheese coming in next month.

567. The imported provolone.

568. I guess we can kiss that goodbye too now, right?

569. Motherfucker!

570. Carmela.

571. Hi. What are you doing here?

572. My son is a senior here now, isn't he?

573. We were electing party chairs for Senior Night.

574. Oh. Right.

575. So how are you?

576. - Fine. - Because you were pretty upset

577. when you left, and I wanted to call.

578. I began to really rue what happened.

579. - I was probably over the top. - I'm going back with my husband.

580. Oh. That's good.

581. All the best.

582. You don't drink no more?

583. Clean and sober, 14 months.

584. Yeah, your mother has that problem.

585. Good for you.

586. That's right.

587. - What? - The Johnson brothers' bodies.

588. I know where they are.

589. Over by the fence in the northwest corner,

590. because that night I noticed one of my pickers

591. had stuck a Swiss Colony bottle upside down

592. on one of the fenceposts.

593. And I was plenty goddamn mad

594. they were drinking on the job, I'll tell you.

595. It's still there, the glass bottle.

596. - Are you fucking sure? - Lunch!

597. Look what I got for you, Chrissy.

598. Thank you.

599. Sandwich?

600. Oh, you're the best.

601. - Here, Pop. - Thank you.

602. Beautiful.

603. This is mail from three fucking weeks ago.

604. The girl didn't even show up today.

605. Why don't you call the service and get somebody new?

606. Two classes, she's telling people how to run their life.

607. Don't let me stop you from taking your kids to the rink.

608. You have every right to be mad at me, and I apologize.

609. I know it's bad for the family.

610. For business.

611. But I'm working on it.

612. Yeah, I know. Bobby told me.

613. So how's that going?

614. Anger management?

615. It's the best thing that ever happened to me.

616. And it's such a relief to let go of all that shit.

617. I never realized what an angry person I was

618. and how it fed itself.

619. So they got you on tranquillizers?

620. No.

621. Basically, it's taking responsibility for your anger,

622. and learning to recognize your feelings of anger,

623. and that they're just feelings.

624. You don't have to act on them.

625. That's just what people want so they can walk all over you.

626. A lot of anger is self-importance.

627. Self-importance?

628. Problems with authority.

629. Dr. Seepman locks the door promptly at 7:00.

630. People wig out if they don't get in, start banging on the door.

631. It's a big lesson.

632. I was making everybody in my life miserable.

633. Yelling and screaming,

634. or pouting and feeling victimized.

635. But I feel so much better now about everything.

636. It's like this great sadness is beginning to lift.

637. Sadness?

638. Yeah.

639. I'm happy for you.

640. Thank you.

641. I am.

642. Your bid, Chrissy.

643. You expecting someone?

644. Ho! There he is!

645. My God, I don't believe it.

646. Who's that? Anthony?

647. What's the matter? You all right?

648. God, you're big. Oh!

649. Look at those shoulders.

650. Jan sends her love. And Barb too.

651. Did you eat?

652. Louise, don't ask him.

653. He's a guest. Just go get him a plate.

654. Sit down.

655. You look good.

656. Feel good.

657. So how we doing?

658. Took care of mine last night.

659. The Johnson brothers we'll get tonight.

660. Uncle Pat was like Johnny Mnemonic.

661. - Right, Uncle Pat? - Huh?

662. We're playing pinochle. Take a hand.

663. This is the life, huh?

664. I'm with you.

665. Yeah, we were just saying that.

666. Two... three!

667. Here's to a job well done.

668. Salute.

669. Ah.

670. This place hasn't changed much, huh?

671. Met some pretty nice college girls the other night, huh, Ton'?

672. She liked you. Miss Raven-Hair?

673. Pat seems good, huh?

674. Louise seems fat.

675. The human body is 86% water.

676. But Louise's last blood test, she was 65% zeppole.

677. That's a good one.

678. I knew a guy, when he was gonna eat Philly cheese steak,

679. the mayor of Philly would have to call out the National Guard.

680. What the fuck's so funny about that?

681. Doesn't even make sense.

682. Well, he's drunk.

683. Him? No way.

684. He's in recovery.

685. Oh.

686. Well, if you recover your fucking balls,

687. give us a call.

688. We might like to hang out.

689. No, seriously, it's not funny.

690. He's a 12-stepper, right?

691. Yeah. You know that. That's right.

692. Maybe he can take another couple of steps out the fucking door

693. so we could have some fun?

694. Come on, don't get pissy now.

695. He's just having a joke, that's all.

696. Sobriety's hard enough without having to get mocked for it.

697. Oh, Jesus Christ.

698. Why don't you have a fucking drink, will you?

699. 'Cause you're driving everybody crazy with this shit.

700. The fucking higher power yammering,

701. and the sweets, and the Key lime pie and the...

702. Jesus.

703. Order a fucking bullshot, will you?

704. Do me a favor.

705. I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was being a jerkoff like that.

706. - No, no, look, it's just... - No, no, no, no.

707. You know, come on.

708. Hey, you're doing the right thing.

709. You're doing the right thing.

710. So how do you like his car?

711. Schwarzenegger's.

712. Pretty fucking great, huh?

713. Oh, yeah. The Humvee. Yeah, yeah, it's nice.

714. Kind of steep, though.

715. Come on, you told me you didn't pay for it.

716. - You gave the guy a hum-job. - For the Humvee.

717. Maybe he'd like to hum me.

718. Who, a friend of Bill over here?

719. Fucking wits over here.

720. Bill? I'll say.

721. That? That's not a bill, that's a beak.

722. You know...

723. that was you he made that joke about,

724. the zeppole content.

725. On the way home,

726. we can drop him off at Beakskill.

727. Well, if beaks could kill,

728. that one certainly would.

729. You know, I could've called you Ichabod Crane, but I didn't.

730. What the fuck's he talking about? Ichabod Crane?

731. Nothing.

732. Well, here's to the Johnson brothers,

733. whoever the fuck they were.

734. - Johnson brothers. - Johnson brothers.

735. Back pain? Is your pain...?

736. case, and are ergonomically des...

737. Port Newark in New Jersey...

738. but one example.

739. Six million containers

740. enter U.S. ports every year,

741. yet fewer than 2% of them

742. are opened and inspected by U.S. Customs.

743. It is physically impossible

744. to check every container

745. without essentially stopping global commerce.

746. But what keeps officials

747. from sleeping at night, they say,

748. is that terrorists could use shipping containers

749. to smuggle in a weapon of mass destruction.

750. It is within the capabilities of Islamic fundamentalists

751. to track a container

752. with a Global Positioning System

753. and detonate a nuclear or biological weapon

754. - hidden inside. - Son of a bitch.

755. In fact, a terrorist could even use a shipping container

756. to smuggle himself into the country.

757. There he is.

758. What I saw on TV last night.

759. The ports are wide open.

760. Government's not doing shit.

761. Louise, where's my butter substitute?

762. Right in front of you.

763. Didn't you hear what I said?

764. I knew it was bad, but you realize there's,

765. like, seven million containers.

766. The news team put radioactive shit in one of them.

767. - It wasn't even detected. - Please, my ears.

768. Sit down. Sit.

769. Come on.

770. I made eggs.

771. Could've been a goddamn A-bomb.

772. - You want coffee? - Yeah.

773. Fucking terrible nightmares.

774. Yeah, it knocked the edge right the hell off your appetite.

775. What's the matter with you?

776. No, it is some scary shit.

777. Not my problem much longer.

778. Speaking of scary shit, was that you

779. - in the bathroom this morning? - Oh, yeah.

780. I thought they already dropped a biological weapon.

781. All right, I gotta go.

782. What you talkin' about? I thought we were gonna go do a little hunting.

783. - You hear the turkeys this morning? - No, I gotta take off.

784. Uncle Pat.

785. Take care of yourself.

786. Be careful of the alligators down there.

787. All right, tough guy.

788. Hey, Ton'!

789. What'd you do, knock over a roadside stand?

790. My uncle's farm.

791. Less than a hundred miles from here.

792. It's like a whole different world.

793. The bullshit really falls away up there.

794. Hear about that shit with the ports now?

795. I know customs agents are bad for us,

796. but antiterrorism-wise, they're doing nothing.

797. What's it gonna take, a fucking nuclear bomb?

798. They caught one of these al Qaeda cocksuckers

799. in one of these containers, trying to sneak in there.

800. Thank God they caught him.

801. There's enough they don't catch.

802. You gotta realize,

803. the administration's busy, though, too,

804. handing out noncompetitive building contracts

805. to their friends.

806. Hell, we can all understand that.

807. - Mm-hm. - We're fuckin' sitting ducks here.

808. The only thing between our homes and Port Newark

809. is a chain-link fence.

810. They get a nuclear bomb in a container,

811. we're fucking dead.

812. That's why you gotta live for today.

813. - What'd you say? - I said,

814. that's why you gotta live for today.

815. Talking about annihilation, you stupid fuck.

816. Your kids, my kids, burning into cinders.

817. I can't even think about it.

818. You stupid...

819. You can't even fucking think about it?

820. Think about it now?

821. How about now?

822. Take it easy. Take a walk.

823. Get some air.

824. Take a walk. Take a walk outside.

825. - Take it easy. - Sorry, everybody.

826. - Come on. - Take it easy.

827. - I wake you up? - Yeah.

828. I just come from the hospital.

829. They said you wanted to know.

830. Oh, how's he doing?

831. Hey.

832. - Sorry. - It's all right.

833. Doctor has a peel at 1:00.

834. - Hi. - How you doing, hon?

835. - Call me? - Yeah.

836. Bye.

837. See you later.

838. That the dermatology nurse?

839. - Yeah. - Nice-looking.

840. Well, they get all the best skin treatments half-price.

841. So, what'd they say?

842. He's gonna be okay, the kid?

843. He's big, strapping. He'll be all right.

844. But he's got some hearing loss, one ear.

845. Looks like it could be permanent.

846. Skip, the poor fuck knows he should keep his mouth shut.

847. Go over there.

848. You make sure he gets the best.

849. Thing is, Ton', he's quitting the Bing.

850. And he told Sil, he goes,

851. "And I'd appreciate if Tony don't come visit me."

852. He don't wanna see you.

853. I told him watch his mouth.

854. These things happen, T.

855. That's why I don't like to talk politics.

856. You did?

857. Please, I couldn't believe it myself.

858. Well, are you going back with Tony?

859. No.

860. Then why'd you say it?

861. I don't know. It just came out.

862. Asshole. He was gonna call me. Did he?

863. Jerk.

864. Come in!

865. Hey.

866. Uncle Pat.

867. Oh.

868. Where's A.J.?

869. He's not coming.

870. You lose them to their friends for a little bit,

871. but he'll be back.

872. - Hi, Uncle Ton'! - Hey.

873. Soph?

874. - Before dinner? - Half?

875. Thank you.

876. Mahatma Gandhi over here.

877. Nice.

878. Hey, Tony.

879. - Hey. - I thought I heard your voice.

880. - Hello? - Good game on later.

881. I think we're on the do-not-call list.

882. Oh, no, we're happy with our service.

883. Are those telemarketers? Just hang up, hang up!

884. We're just sitting down to dinner.

885. Okay, please don't call again.

886. Thank you. Thank you.

887. Bobby! Soph! Come on!

888. It's a G5. It's got a 64-bit architecture.

889. They speak a different language now with these computers.

890. I saw a show on computers,

891. how the prices have dropped so low

892. that you can buy one for $500 at Costco

893. that's more powerful than the one

894. that they used to put the astronauts on the moon.

895. Good eggplant, Jan.

896. Yeah, delicious.

897. Mm.

898. I wonder where Harpo's eating his Sunday dinner.

899. What?

900. Just wondering what Harpo's up to.

901. - Who's Harpo? - That's Hal, Janice's son.

902. - You have a son? - You didn't tell us that.

903. You know that song "Harpo's Song," by Phoebe Snow?

904. 'Cause that's the song you named Harpo after, right?

905. He's half French-Canadian, Harpo.

906. All right, Tony, make fun of a boy because of his name.

907. I wonder what's French-Canadian for,

908. "I grew up without a mother."

909. "Sacrebleu! Where is me mama?"

910. You son of a fucking bitch!

911. - You son of a bitch! - Come on!

912. Daddy!

913. Easy, easy, easy!

914. - You miserable fuck! - I don't got a right to ask?

915. - I'm the boy's uncle! - Easy, easy.

916. Easy. Easy.

917. I hate him, I hate him.